Eucatastrophe
by Carpeficndiem
Summary: Steph goes about her crazy life until a dark turn forces her to change when no one is left to rescue her. So she rescues herself, and it forces everyone to see her in a new way...including Ranger.  Babe, but respectful to Cupcakes *Graphic violence/smut*
1. Summertime in Trenton

_Until recently this has been on Yahoo Groups and not published on this site, and incomplete. I've worked on it since 2006, on and off. In recent years, mostly off until now (2011) . However I do have it carefully planned out until the end and will finish. Maybe someday I'll even write some more stories. I had writer's block for a few years until I realized I couldn't write any story about Stephanie facing her fears until I had faced down my own. And that I am finally doing now. I hope by the time I finish it will be a masterpiece and a fan favorite, because it has meant so much to me. Please let me know what you think because I am a review slut._

_ This has been very therapeutic for me because it came right after I lost my baby girl before birth, and I was questioning many things in my life. I work in the fields of crisis intervention & law enforcement, and all that being the case…my writing is more intense and dramatic than a regular Evanovich novel and doesn't gloss over some of the more painful experiences in life. So if you are easily offended or shy away from any graphic sexual content, graphic violence, or character death then I suggest not reading my work at all. You can expect this story to take an unusual turn for the character transition to occur in the middle, so it will get grittier then. I've tried to create a balance and stay true to the Plum series, though I have taken a few liberties with the Merry Men like most authors to develop them more as characters. Otherwise I stick with the series and there are no changes in tense or POV, and the characters retain their original personalities and don't change into overly dramatized or vilified versions of themselves. I treat Joe with the attention & respect his character deserves, but mine will always be R/S stories at heart with my own HEA that won't be over the top. As always, these characters and consequential details are all the creation of a Ms. Janet Evanovich, and I am only borrowing them for my own enjoyment and not for profit. __Everything up to Chapter 23 was written before the release of Twelve Sharp, so I decided to leave everything mostly as is post-EOT and so Stephanie has never met Julie, and so I had already written my own meeting with my own version of Ranger's daughter. Enjoy, and let me know what you think!_

**Eucatastrophe****: **_**The good catastrophe. The sudden joyous turn, not an ending, but the moment we get a glimpse of joy. A moment that passes outside the frame rends indeed the very web of story and lets a gleam come through, a gleam of revelation from outside the narrative.**_

**-JRR Tolkein**

CHAPTER 1

Ahhhh…springtime in Trenton. Birds chirping, flowers blooming, and sun shining. I was totally in the zone as I grooved to the all 80's hour on the radio and waited for the light to turn. I cheerfully rolled down the windows of Big Blue and took a deep lung full of the crisp early morning air. Something suddenly caught in the back of my throat and I coughed and my eyes started to water. I coughed even harder as I tried to roll the window back up, and heard people honk at me from behind as the light turned green. Can't they see I'm struggling desperately not to honk up lung cookies here? I managed to press on the gas and start the car moving forward again, and prayed that I didn't run over a little old lady since my eyes were so bleary I could barely see. As I continued hacking a golden beacon appeared before me to guide my way. Okay, so it wasn't actually a beacon. More like two arches, but hey, who's complaining? I pulled into the parking lot of the McDonald's and double-parked the blue behemoth, then popped open my thermos to quickly gulp down some coffee and get a hold of myself.

OUCH!

How was I supposed to know the shiny steel and plastic contraption had some kind of molten lava core that actually made your coffee hotter than it was when you brewed it 20 minutes ago? The thermos had fallen to the floorboard when I sat bolt upright in my seat, and I grimaced as my tongue went numb and the coughing slowed to a sputter. Well, I guess that the gadget kept things hot should make me happy. That and the fact that I wasn't screaming in agonizing pain from superheated coffee all over my lap and feet. I had been assured it was brand new and top of the line, with special "Stay-Steaming" spill proof technology, but I had had my doubts.

I was mostly skeptical because it was an early birthday gift from Mooner and Dougie when I had dropped by yesterday to remind Mooner not to miss his latest court date. Dougie had also assured me that it happened to "fall" off a truck while he was strolling along minding his own business. Yeah, right. Despite their windfall from the Ramos deal, keeping a small side 'business' going seemed to help give them a purpose in life.

He'd initially tried to sell it to me for $10, but I weaseled out of it by telling them I was saving all my money for my birthday vacation in a week. Mooner replied "Whoah!" and suddenly disappeared from view. He reappeared at the doorway a few minutes later with a shoelace tied in a very funky bow around the thermos, and he and Dougie sang a rousing rendition of "Happy Birthday….Dudette." What great guys huh?

Not even my swelling tongue tingling with the pokes of a hundred tiny pins could quell my excitement about leaving for a well-deserved vacation on Sunday. Not even that it was only Monday morning and it was early enough that I would normally be drooling into my pillow for another hour. Not even that Sunday also happened to be my 31st birthday, and my life for all intents and purposes didn't appear to be headed anywhere.

My life had been orbiting less and less around planet Morelli. I'd recently decided that we could win the world ballroom championships in the great dance of avoidance. Avoiding each other was made slightly easier because he switched divisions from the Vice Squad to Crimes Against Persons section, and a huge caseload of assaults, kidnappings, and homicides were demanding of his time. Our future together, or not together, was the proverbial elephant sitting in the living room that kept growing larger while our conversations kept growing shorter. I had moved back into my apartment after Ranger's instruction to "go back to Morelli" had been better in theory than in practice. If Joe really loved me as much as Ranger and my mother and everyone else seemed to think, then why couldn't we make it work? I cared deeply for Joe, and I really did want things to work out with us. But I just couldn't figure out why whenever things started to get serious between us, our relationship had a way of blowing up faster than my latest vehicle acquisition.

As for Ranger, we were back to normal. That is if by normal you mean the occasional conversation of two word sentences on his part, followed by shameless flirting on my part, followed sheer terror when he always calls my bluff. Whenever we were in the same room I still felt like a current of electricity was running through me, but I was afraid of standing too close in case I might get electrocuted. I was pretty sure he had made my underwear burst in flames at least once anyway. It was for that very reason that I'd gone back to fieldwork for Vinnie and left Rangeman. Don't get me wrong…working for Ranger had it's definite advantages. But working closely with someone and being close to someone were two different matters, and I found that I couldn't do one without wanting the other.

Ranger and I had one amazing night together when Joe and I were broken up, but only the one night. There were so many things I didn't understand about what it all meant and how to interpret his comments and prompt disappearance afterwards, that most of the time I simply tried to push the memory of it out of my mind because it left me feeling more confused than ever. Well a little confused and _really_ hot and bothered. I never forgot his words about being an "opportunist" about returning to my bed if Joe was not in it, but so far he hadn't made any big moves during my latest "off" phase with Morelli.

But this morning the men in my life took a backseat to my job as the Bombshell Bounty Hunter of Trenton. I was a woman on a mission. I had been working non-stop for the past few weeks bringing in as many skips as I could to pad my bank account with some Mai Tai and margarita money. The constant work also made the avoidance dance easier, as I could sidestep dealing with Joe like Ginger Rogers in four inch FMP's. This morning I had two new folders in the passenger seat that I had grabbed from Connie late yesterday after collecting a $400 check on my latest skip. I hadn't had a chance to read about today's targets last night since I had to make an emergency trip to Macy's to find the perfect bathing suit. I was going to need it for all that deep thinking I planned to do on the beach while getting massaged with hot oil by a well muscled cabana boy with dark hair and….

My cell phone ringing snapped me out of my reverie and I snapped it open to hear Lula on the other end yelling at Vinnie. I was able to make out the words "shove" and "lily-white" and "duck," but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the rest.

"Whassup girl!" Lula said.

"I think I just swallowed a bug." I croaked.

"Honey you need to get your protein in the mornin' from greasy strips of bacon and a slab of ham. The only wings and legs you oughta be eatin' are deep fried come in a yellow bucket." she declared.

"Well it seemed to go well with the scalding hot coffee" I said. "I'm actually at the McDonalds now and bacon is sounding like a good idea, you want anything?"

"Actually, that's why I called. Vinnie wanted me to tell you to bring us donuts" she explained.

"What?"

"Yeah he said he wanted those powdered kind with the lemon custard in the center and…." she said before I heard the phone being wrenched out of her hand , then Vinnie's voice took over the line.

"Stephanie!" he barked.

"Yeah it's me, would you like fries with that?" I grumbled.

"I don't want donuts!" he growled. "I want you to go to the Tasty Pastry. I just got a tip off that the skip Jason Jameson that Connie gave you yesterday just started working there a few days ago. He should be on shift right now."

A man after my own heart, I thought. How bad could the guy be if he was willing to work at a job that involved getting up early to bake at 6am just so he could eat a few of his "mistakes" every now and then? "No problem" I replied. "I'll go grab him and a dozen glazed while I'm at it."

"Whatever, just get it done. I got a pile of FTA's here that need to be brought in before I'm letting you go on vacation" he complained.

"I'm going on vacation on Sunday no matter what Vinnie!" I said one decibel short of full rhino mode. "I've brought in almost double my normal number for a month now so don't give me any lip about it!" I yelled.

"Jeez, calm down! You got PMS this morning or something?" he replied.

I snarled at him and he quickly hung up, but not before I heard Connie yell out "Two chocolate ones with sprinkles!"

The nerve! Serves him right, how dare he try to come between me and cabana boy! I'm not about to let his snarkiness and my tongue feeling like sandpaper put me in a bad mood, I told myself. In less than one week I'm going to be sunning myself in my brand new silver string bikini on the beach. I closed my eyes and imagined the sun soaking into my skin and the sand between my toes, and just the thought of it made my whole body relax. Ahhhhh…that's more like it. I turned up the 80's music on the radio and the Bangles "Manic Monday" came on the radio. Perfect!

I cranked up the volume, fired up Big Blue, then pulled back out onto the street. I cruised down the road singing along "Wish it was Sundaaay…" As I stopped at a light I started getting really into it. After all, I was a birthday girl about to take my first real vacation since…well…ever! There was no one else at the light, so I belted out "cause that's my fun daaay…." and started gyrating my torso and running my fingers through my hair and head banging with enthusiasm. Who needs Joe or Ranger, I thought. I may be a Jersey girl a few days shy of 31, but I'm not so old that I can't have fun without them. And just then, I felt it.

My hands were tangled in my hair with my chest jutted out and my head mid-bang, and I slowly turned to see a large Dodge Ram pickup to my left. It was black. The windows were tinted. And one window rolled down to reveal a Cuban sex god in the driver's seat whose sensuous lips clearly mouthed the word "Babe" as the corners turned up into a slow grin. I turned three shades of crimson as the light turned green, and the truck was gone as quickly as it appeared.

Oh. My. God. Okay, calm yourself down Stephanie. It could have been worse. You could have been playing air guitar. Or picking your nose. I turned the radio down, slunk down in my seat, fixed my hands on the wheel, and started driving 10 mph under the speed limit on the way to Tasty Pastry to be sure I didn't meet him again at the next light. I figured pretending that did not just happen was the best option. Denial is a good thing. Just think instead about margaritas and massage oil and muscles and Miami and Mary Lou. Ahhhhhh….that's more like it.

As I thought about Mary Lou I started to feel a little bad that I was looking so forward to our vacation to Miami together, when it really wasn't the most pleasant of circumstances for my best friend. I was sure that while we were there we would wind up having a good time. But I also knew it would be bittersweet since part of the reason I was going was to help her clean out the beach house that had belonged to her grandmother and recently been willed to her.

Granny Lou had passed away a few weeks ago. Mary Lou was surprised to find out that while her Granny had a fair amount of savings and assets that were willed evenly amongst her children and grandchildren, she had left her beach bungalow to Mary Lou alone. When we were kids, I remember Granny Lou sitting us both up on the kitchen countertop while she would teach us to bake cookies. That blessed blue haired woman was the first one to introduce me to the joys of raw cookie dough. While the cooking lessons didn't stick, the affinity for raw cookie dough did.

When Granny Lou's husband died five years ago, she decided move to a retirement community in Miami, claiming that the cold weather made her joints ache. I suspected that it may have had more to do with being surrounded by the memories of fifty years of marriage. I imagine it makes it the difficult task of finding a way to move on with your life that much harder. Since Mary Lou's mother wasn't feeling up to making the trip to go through all Granny's belongings, Mary Lou had been trusted with the task and asked me to come along for the help and support. I would have gone anyway of course to help her out, even without the sun and sand to tempt me.

I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't wondered what it would be like to see Ranger's hometown. Maybe I could figure out what elementary school he went to and look up little Ranger in the yearbook in their library. I chuckled at the thought of a tiny version of Ranger with an overstuffed book bag full of Crayolas and Elmer's glue. I wondered if he ever got picked last for kickball. Who am I kidding…he was probably team captain even then. I bet he wore black when his Mom brought him home from the hospital after he was born. It suddenly struck me just how little I knew about Ranger. I had no idea exactly where and how long he had lived in Miami, what his family and childhood were like, how he came to Trenton, and about 90% of the time I had no idea what he was thinking. The other 10% I was pretty sure he was either mentally undressing me or thinking about work. Well at least I knew what his favorite color was, right?


	2. High School Flashbacks

CHAPTER 2

After I pulled into the Tasty Pastry parking lot I opened up Jason Jameson's folder and was greeted by a picture of a tall lanky young man of about 19, with curly blond hair down to his shoulders and enough acne to make Clearasil stocks soar. He was a first timer charged with racing and evading an officer, and one look at the beautifully restored turbo charged green 72' Corvette in the parking lot gave me an idea of just how that had happened. I checked my purse to make sure I had everything your typical Jersey girl needed: hairspray, lipstick, brush, cell phone, wallet, handcuffs, taser, and pepper spray. Yup, all set. My gun was conspicuously absent, but somehow I felt safer with it at home in the cookie jar. I slung my bag over my shoulder and strolled inside.

As I opened the Tasty Pastry doors the smell of fresh donuts assaulted my senses, and I had my usual response of excessive salivation combined with feelings of nostalgia from my high school days working behind the counter. In particular behind the éclair case. Every time I remembered losing my virginity to Joe behind it when I was 16, I wasn't sure whether to smile, sigh, or frown. It usually started off as a good memory, but whenever I thought of his subsequent "poetry" on the bathroom wall and his prompt disappearance into the Navy I could still feel the how much it had hurt…

_(Flashback)_

I remember secretly watching Joe Morelli every afternoon in the high school cafeteria at lunch. He would spend the first fifteen minutes shoveling down whatever gruel they had served up for the day, so that he could spend the rest of the hour going from table to table charming different groups of girls and making them giggle at whatever he was saying. I'd seen him whisper something into the ear of Marcy Tolle one time, and I could have sworn that even her ears had turned red when she blushed. When he was gone she leaned over and told her girlfriends whatever he had said and I heard a simultaneous gasp escape their lips.

Of course after the whole "choo-choo" incident in his garage when we were little my mother had been careful to make sure that I stayed far away from those "no-good Morelli boys." I had always willingly obliged, but lately I just couldn't seem to stop staring at Joe. He was easily one of the best looking guys in the senior class, and up until now I had never even bothered to notice how good a guy's butt could look in tight jeans. Damn Hungarian hormones. He had wavy jet black hair that always looked like he almost needed a haircut, eyes that seemed to smile even when he wasn't, and a sculpted jaw that always showed a bit more stubble than most the other boys his age. Something about the way he walked and carried himself made me wish he would whisper in my ear and make me giggle. Every now and then he would make eye contact with me for a brief second, but he never came over and talked to me like he did the other girls. Mary Lou and my other friends at the lunch table noticed me staring, but they never said anything since they had all heard about the infamous garage scene.

It wasn't until the last football game before homecoming during my sophomore year that Joe seemed to notice me. It might have had something to do with me "accidentally" losing control of my baton and hitting Terry Gilman over the head during the halftime show. Terry was a cheerleader and Joe's on and off girlfriend for all of high school. The majorettes and cheerleaders had simultaneous practices in the gym during the week, and she and all of her perfect little cheerleader friends would always watch us from their side. They would snicker and whisper about us while they stretched and we worked through our routines. I had decided that I truly hated Terry's guts when the seam ripped in my shorts during a particularly difficult jump and she let out a loud guffaw that seemed to echo in the gym rafters for a full five minutes after I slunk into the locker room to tie my jacket around my waist. It wasn't my fault anyway. My after school job at Tasty Pastry had caused me to gain about five pounds, but somebody had to do the quality control around there! Besides, it was my job to close up the store at night and I couldn't just toss all those perfectly good donuts in the garbage just because they were more than twenty-four hours old. That would just be cruel!

I could never figure out exactly why Joe and Terry were so hot and heavy sometimes. Well aside from the fact that her cheerleading uniform looked painted on and her body made Marilyn Monroe look like a stick figure, while I was only now filling up my B cup. Terry may be rotten, but despite Joe's wicked reputation to match, I wondered if he really deserved it. I remember the first time I started to question whether he was really as no-good as my mother said was back in junior high gym class.

In junior high the boy's basketball practice was at the same time on the far side of the gym from girls P.E. As a result, most of the us spent half the time surreptitiously stealing glances that direction whenever the coach wasn't looking. The girls would try to look alluring yet disinterested when the glance was returned. Joe was on the basketball team and was the only one of the boys that ever had the guts to look straight at our side and wink at any girl he caught looking. One fall afternoon they had exterminators handling a small mouse problem that had caused a frightening scene in the girl's locker room earlier that week, so we were all forced outside for some athletic activity. The boys and girls groups were told to gather together, the coaches informed us that we would all be doing a timed exercise that was required by the state of New Jersey to evaluate the health and physical fitness of the teenage population. Personally, I felt the state of New Jersey's money was better spent on air quality studies if they really wanted to make sure we didn't huff and puff our way through "timed exercises." We were told to run around the backstops for thirty minutes, and at the checkpoint at the end of each lap we would collect one coffee straw as proof of each lap we had run.

There was a girl named Michelle Plotts in my gym class, and we always wound up next to each other since teachers wouldn't possibly consider not having us line up in alphabetical order. Everyone liked her, despite the fact that she was about fifty pounds overweight. She was such a nice person that people seemed to look beyond her appearance, which in junior high was quite an accomplishment. I immediately felt bad for her as soon as the rules for the test were explained, because I knew that between her weight and her asthma she would fall far behind, and Coach Bledsoe would pick on her like she always did. Every time that Michelle would try to tell the coach that she needed to slow down or take a break during class, the coach would always snap "Asthma is in your head! Now get back in there!" The coach would chide her so loudly that it could easily be heard from the other side of the gym, and I saw Joe's shoulders tense up every time it happened.

As we all started running laps my fears proved to be well founded as Michelle quickly fell two laps behind everyone else only ten minutes into the test. Every time she passed the checkpoint to grab a red coffee straw and slow down to gasp for air, Coach Bledsoe would chastise her to quit faking and start running. I tried to mind my own business, but I wasn't the only one who felt bad for Michelle and hated Coach Bledsoe more with every passing lap. However, it was all I could do to simply focus on stumbling in a forward direction without collapsing. My usual exercise consisted of running to the dinner table. I was a lot closer to last place than first place in the race, but fear of doing extra laps for remedial exercise kept me a half lap ahead of some of the other girls.

I noticed that every couple of laps or so Joe would slow down and run alongside Michelle for about fifty feet, and would whisper something in her ear. Instead of blushing and giggling she would manage a strained smile, then he would jog on and catch up to the front runners. As I passed nearby the next time, I was close enough to hear him say to her "You can do it, don't listen to that stupid old cow. Just do your best." I was so shocked that I almost stopped dead in my tracks. This was hardly normal behavior that I had come to expect from a fourteen year old boy, especially one with a growing reputation as bad as Joe Morelli's. We were only slightly past the age where pulling a girl's hair and shoving her into the mud was a guy's way of communicating that he liked you and wanted to go steady.

Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one to notice Joe encouraging Michelle, and the boy's basketball coach calmly told him to "stay focused" as he rounded the checkpoint and grabbed another red coffee straw. About two laps later Michelle's jog had turned into a fast walk, and I could hear her wheezing. She was easily five or six laps behind everyone else now, and as Joe ran by I saw him slip a red straw into Michelle's hand as he passed. Unfortunately Coach Bledsoe did too and yelled "Morelli! Take it back and leave her alone. It's all in her head. Get tough Michelle." At that point my blood was boiling as I watched the coach take away one of Michelle's straws and shove it in Joe's face when he ran by. Everyone on the field had heard and by now the mutual hatred of Coach Bledsoe had reached an all time high.

The thirty minutes was almost up, and Michelle was really starting to slow down to an unsteady walk, and she was wheezing badly and starting to cough. As she rounded the checkpoint she abruptly stumbled and gagged, falling right at Coach Bledsoe's feet. She promptly coughed up a big blob of mucus right onto the coach's shiny new Adidas tennis shoes. Coach Bledsoe's jaw dropped as she stared at the lung cookie on her feet, and Joe jogged up next to her as he put his hand on Michelle's shoulder.. Joe jogged in place and broke into a huge grin, then said loudly enough that everyone else could hear "Don't worry coach! It's not real. Asthma is just in your head."

Everyone on the field started to guffaw, and as I rounded the checkpoint something inside me snapped and I handed over all my hard won red straws and placed them gently in Michelle's hand as I ran on. Then something amazing happened. As a group of girls came up behind me they all gave their red straws to Michelle. Then the basketball players started handing theirs off to Joe. Coach Bledsoe tried yelling "That's enough!" at each girl who handed off her straws, and she angrily glanced at the basketball coach indicating that he should try to take control of his players. However, even the basketball coach was now trying desperately to wipe the grin off of his face. Coach Bledsoe eventually just stood there stunned, and as the stopwatch alarm beeped the end of the thirty minutes Joe and Michelle were still standing there with so many red coffee straws in their hands that they were overflowing and falling onto the grass. The next day I could have sworn when I passed by the detention hall that Joe was looking right at me when he winked.


	3. Like a Virgin

CHAPTER 3

After junior high I didn't see much of Joe since for a while he was two years ahead of me and had moved on to high school. By the time I reached my freshman year he was already hot and heavy with Terry Gilman and I'd seen them making out in the hallways. He had gotten a lot taller and filled out with some definite muscle, and some of the girls called him the "Italian Stallion" when they gossiped in the bathroom. I wasn't sure if it was because he was Italian and good looking, or if it was because of the impressive bulge that you could see in the front of his jeans that was equine in proportion. I was pretty sure that he woke up and poured himself into them every morning since they seemed to be molded perfectly to his body. It looked like he was a good kisser when I saw him making out with Terry, but I tried not to stare.

I grinned at my reflection in mirror of the girl's bathroom at the football stadium, remembering the bewildered look on Terry's face when my baton whacked her in the head. She had fallen flat on her butt in front of the bleachers and got grass stains all over her oh so short and formerly white cheerleading skirt. That will teach her to laugh at the Junior Captain of the Majorettes and her trusty baton-twirling posse! Wonderwoman eat your heart out!

Terry had given me a death stare afterwards, but I just innocently shrugged my shoulders and marched off the field behind the band, with me and my gals doing the occasional high kick and twirl followed by another crowd pleasing baton toss. I noticed that the baton had made a permanent dent in what before that point had been Terry's perfectly styled hair. As I looked in the bathroom mirror I smiled and teased up my hair a bit more, which for a Jersey girl in the 80's was truly a sight to behold.

The rest of the majorettes were already waiting for me on the bus to go back to the high school, but I was lingering so that I wouldn't bump into Terry in the parking lot. I was afraid that if I did my moment of victory would incite a Majorettes vs. Cheerleaders fight scene with gymnastic dance moves like that goofy gang brawl in West Side Story. I giggled at the thought, touched up my makeup, and breezed out of the bathroom. Then I ran smack into Joe Morelli. He had been leaning against the wall and was poured into his usual faded jeans, with a white T-shirt that was just tight enough to trace the curve of his pectoral muscles...Yum! He looked larger than life in his varsity basketball letter jacket as he grinned and stared straight into my eyes.

I was still wearing my black and silver sequined majorette bodysuit complete with tassels at the shoulder and those shiny "way too tan" tights, but I suddenly felt naked as his eyes looked me slowly up and down. The costume hugged what curves I did have in all the right places, and I though it was pretty flattering except for the giant satin bow at the back of the matching short silver skirt. Why did everything have to have a big bow in the 80's? The skirt fell just below the hip so that it wouldn't get in the way of my high kicks, and I'd always loved the way it swayed and shined as I walked. Since it was the end of the football season and almost winter my costume did little to keep me warm. My nipples, the alert little soldiers that they were, were standing at attention in the cold and were clearly outlined by the sequined spandex bodysuit.

Joe's eyes moved up my legs to my skirt, stopped for what felt like a half hour at my nipples, and ever so slowly moved back to my eyes. He gave me a stern look and said "Now that wasn't a very nice thing to do."

"I swear….it was an accident! It wasn't my fault!" I blurted out.

"I think the few extra seconds you took to aim is what gave you away Cupcake" he said with a smirk.

Cupcake? Did Terry Gilman's off and on boyfriend just look me up and down and refer to me as Cupcake? I was stunned and at a complete loss for what to say. My back was literally against the wall and he was only a foot away, and I could smell the fabulous scent of aftershave on him. Just then my Hungarian hormones started screaming, since they were tired of sixteen years warming the bench. The Jersey girl in me sprang to life and I just looked him right in the eye, gave a mysterious smile, and said "Well, I guess I'm just not a very nice girl."

With that Joe suddenly leaned his whole body up against me and pinned me against the wall. His hands were on either side of my head and he leaned his lips close next to my ear and whispered "That's my favorite kind." I could feel his warm breath tickle my earlobe, and a lightening bolt went from my ear straight down to my doodah for the very first time. He pressed against me even harder as he removed his jacket. Now I was really starting to panic...why was he undressing? More importantly, why did I want him to keep doing it?

All of the sudden he pulled away from me and put one hand on the small of my back and pulled me forward away from the wall. Then he gently wrapped his jacket around my shoulders. He glanced at my breasts, and then stared straight into my eyes. I noticed that they were now so dark brown they almost looked black. As he looked into my eyes he said in a deep voice "You looked cold Cupcake."

I wasn't sure if I blacked out or if he had vanished into a puff of smoke after that, because the next thing I remember is Mary Lou grabbing my hand and pulling me onto the bus before it left me standing there gasping against the stadium wall.

When school started back on Monday I tried to avoid Morelli all week long, and made sure the only staring that I did during lunchtime was at my plate or my feet. By the time Friday rolled around all my friends at the lunch table informed me that Joe Morelli had been watching me all week. I gulped down my milk and told them that they must be mistaken, and that he was probably looking at somebody else. They weren't convinced, and Mary Lou gave me a knowing look and raised her eyebrow, but I just continued to stare at my plate. I still had his jacket in my locker, but I couldn't figure out what I would say when I gave it back.

After school Mary Lou pulled me into a side hall and said "What's going on between you and Joe? I know you can't keep a secret so fess up."

I told her what had happened after the football game and she fanned herself with her Physics notes and said "So that's why you had that deer in the headlights look the whole bus ride home! I can't believe I didn't notice that was Joe's jacket you were wearing."

"Well what I am I supposed to do now?" I asked her with a slight edge of panic in my voice. "Every time I'm around him now I feel like I'm being hunted or something, so why does part of me want to run away like a good little prey animal but the rest of me wants to be caught?"

"Well that depends on whether you want to be devoured or not." she laughed.

I gasped, but then started laughing with her and threw my hand on my forehead, slouching against the wall in a mock faint. We both collapsed into a giggle fit as we walked back down the hallway, and we said goodbye as she left for marching band practice.

I grabbed Joe's jacket out of my locker on my way out and decided I'd just give it to him, say thanks, and then run away. Might as well get it over with. I noticed that Joe was standing near the exit and had been watching our giggle fest a few minutes ago. As I walked towards him he winked and smiled right at me.

I gave a nervous half smile back, and tried to hand the jacket to him. He pushed it back towards me and said "I'll come get it from you later. I like the thought of something of mine wrapped around you."

Talk about your double entendres! I really hoped that that wasn't me I heard gasp just now. Being a master of the snappy comeback, I squeaked "Okay," then turned and walked out the school doors. Then I hurried the three blocks to Tasty Pastry to go to work, and I was pretty sure my heavy breathing had nothing to do with the brisk walk.


	4. Cupcakes at the Tasty Pastry

CHAPTER 4

_**SMUT WARNING**_

I'd sold most of the pies and pastries around nine that night and threw out _almost _all the morning donuts as I started closing down the shop. Donuts for dinner. What a way for a gal to spend a Friday night huh? I like to walk on the wild side. I locked up the cash drawer, but then heard the door jangle as another customer walked in. Darn! Why did I always forget to lock the door first thing at closing time? I just hoped they were fast and knew what they wanted so I could get out of here sooner rather than later.

My frustration turned to shock as I looked right into Joe Morelli's eyes and a hearty "How can I help you sir?" spilled out before I could stop myself.

Joe smiled and leaned his muscled torso across the counter and purred "You can help me by explaining what a pretty girl like you is doing here alone on a Friday night."

Ohmigod, ohmigod...he called me pretty! Quick...think of a witty response Stephanie!

''I...I...I was just throwing away some donuts." Damn.

"Seems terrible to waste something so sweet" he replied with a smile that could melt milk chocolate from across a room. ''Actually, I dropped by to bring you a present." he beamed.

"What's the occasion?" I replied, increasingly nervous.

He slid his hand across the counter to reveal a Butterfinger candy bar, and I couldn't help but throw my head back and laugh as I realized it was a reference to my baton twirling "accident."

Suddenly I felt a lot less nervous and smiled at him. "Thanks Joe, and thanks for loaning me your jacket the other night. I've got to close down the store right now, but you're welcome to stick around and keep me company if you want. That is if you don't have anywhere else that you need to be." He wasn't that scary really. He may look like an oversexed teenage boy now, but I bet he still had a lot of that wild little kid in him. He was after all still the same boy down the street that I remembered playing tag with as a child. That is, before he got so interested in being a train engineer.

"Sure" he replied. "I don't really have any plans tonight." Something about the way he said it made me think that he did have plans…plans that included me and were definitely the diabolical kind. I noticed him looking me up and down in my pink striped apron. I was wearing it over a jean mini-skirt and a button down pale blue fitted sweater, and despite the occasional splotch of powdered sugar and flour I thought I looked pretty good today. For some reason all week long I had felt like getting up earlier before school to spend more time fixing my hair and makeup and picking out clothes. I had even worn my only pair of black panties and matching bra today, which was about as racy as my underwear got in high school. I wasn't really sure why I'd done it, but a part of me just felt like I wanted to look…well…sexy I guess. I mean, I was no Terry Gilman, but sometime in the past week I had gone beyond being curious about sex in a clinical way and was much more interested in hands on practical application. The memory of the feeling I had gotten when Joe had whispered in my ear was never far from my mind, and every now and then the same electric feeling would shoot through my body and I would give an involuntary shudder when I thought about it. I'd decided that I wasn't the sort of girl who was counting on a candlelit dinner and a hotel suite filled with red roses on my wedding night for my first time, but I did want it to be special somehow. Ever since last Saturday's football game, I'd started to wonder more about when it would happen for me.

I started to wrap up all the open containers and restock the supplies for the next day. Joe even came behind the counter with me and started wiping them down. He began helping me with the cleaning and stocking as I balanced the cash register, and we chatted about school and our families. Despite how nervous I'd been before, we seemed to talk pretty easily and I felt instantly comfortable. I told him about my perfect sister Valerie going away to school and my plans for after graduation the year after next. He said he really wasn't sure what he was going to do in six months when he graduated, but that he was sure he'd figure it out by then. He commented that he'd rather have a perfect sister to live up to rather than a bunch of bad to the bone brothers to always have to live down. Then he shared some funny stories about trouble his big brother's had gotten into in school, and how all the teachers seemed to hold it against him years later. He laughed when he talked about it, but I sensed that it bothered him.

"You know, I don't think it was fair that you got lumped into the same category just because you're one of those 'no-good Morelli boys.'" I advised him.

He smiled at that and said "I bet that is what your mother calls me, huh?"

"Uhhh, no. I mean, of course not!" I stammered.

He started to laugh and I confessed "Well, maybe sometimes. But you can hardly blame her after 'Choo-Choo Gate.'" As soon as I brought that up I was instantly embarrassed.

He seemed surprised and asked "You remember that?"

"How could I forget?" I said with raised eyebrows.

"I remember it too. I was a bad, bad little boy wasn't I?" he said, and he almost seemed sorry.

"Well, you weren't always bad. I'll never forget how nice you were to Michelle in gym class in junior high." I replied.

"Yeah, she was a good person. Coach Bledsoe was an idiot. I got a bunch of the guys on the basketball team to break into her office once, and we turned her desk and all of the furniture upside down and backwards. She never did figure out who did it." He grinned mischievously at the memory.

"You don't fool me Joe Morelli" I said. "I think you are a nice guy in a bad boy's body, trying to get out. I bet half of the things they say about you aren't even true."

As I said that he stepped closer to me and said "Yeah, but half of them are." My back was up against the counter across from the éclair case. I didn't know what to say and started to get nervous again. Instead I just turned around and reached up to get more pie boxes down from the top shelf. The ones on the very top were just out of my reach, and I had to stand on my toes and stretch out my arms to grasp any. That caused my mini-skirt to ride up high on my thighs, and then I grew really self conscious. Before I could move to grab the stepstool, Joe came right up behind me, pressed his body against mine, and effortlessly reached up and grabbed a stack of pie boxes and handed them to me.

"Looking for these?" he asked, his voice coming from right next to my left ear.

"Thanks" I said softly. He set the boxes on the counter and I could feel his hot breath on my neck and the warmth emanating off of his long body at my back, only inches away.

"You smell like donuts." he whispered into my ear. "I like it."

I'd never been drunk before, but the way I was starting to feel must be similar since the room was a blur now and all I could think about was the way my nether regions tingled when his lips came close to my ear. Without thinking about what I was saying I replied "I like the way you smell too. Your jacket smells like your aftershave."

He took his hands from off of the counter and placed them at my waist, then slowly turned my body around to face him. He was still wearing his tight faded blue jeans and a white shirt, and my eyes wandered to the chiseled muscles on his arms before finally settling on his face. He stared straight at me, and his eyes were the color of dark chocolate as he told me "You have some powdered sugar on your face."

I felt even more self-conscious now and blushed. His hands were still on my waist and I felt trapped, but he held them there firmly. In almost a whisper, he said "I'll take care of it." With that he moved his face closer to me and gave a soft kiss right on my cheek. He pulled back, looked at me and said "That's better, but I see some more." Then he leaned and touched his lips to my neck, and I gave an audible gasp. His hands held me tighter and he started to bite and suck gently on my neck.

I had my hands on the counter behind me, and as my heart began pounding and my legs instantly turned to Jell-O, I moved my hands to his arms trying to steady myself. When I placed my hands on him, he leaned his body into me and began trailing kisses back towards my cheek. Before I knew it he placed his lips on mine.

It was a fierce, passionate kiss that left my mind a blank and my body pulsing with lust. After a minute he broke the kiss and looked deep into my eyes. He paused there, and then stood completely still for a full minute while I looked back at him. He seemed to be waiting for me to respond somehow. My heart felt like it would leap out of my chest and I was sure I would pass out any minute or wake up from this dream. But as he continued to look into my eyes, I felt my legs straighten out and I moved my hands from his arms onto his chest. My fingers started to trace the muscles in his upper arms, and glide across his pectorals, which were covered only by the thin cotton T-shirt. My fingertips danced timidly up to his shoulders, and before I knew it I had wrapped my arms around his warm neck. Then I kissed him. It's not like I'd never kissed a boy before, but this didn't feel at all like any other kiss I'd ever had. It was filled with need. Every cell in my body quivered at his touch, and wanted something….something more. As I started to kiss him his body leaned more closely into mine, and I felt the heat coming off of him as we pressed together.

Our kisses deepened and became more frenzied, and his hands started to move from my waist to my lower back. Our lips started moving to each other's necks and ears, and his hands started going lower as they gently cupped my butt outside my blue jean mini-skirt. As I nibbled on his neck his hands suddenly slid down and under my skirt, which by now had ridden up quite high. He gently squeezed with both hands my almost bare ass, except for my black satin panties, and he kissed me even harder. I sucked in air and tensed up as his hands met my bare skin, and he then softened and slowed down his kiss. I relaxed, but before I knew it things began to heat up again as he began to gently caress the skin along the edge of my satin underwear. Things were moving so fast that I didn't even know what was happening, but the skin where his hands grazed me tingled, and I involuntarily arched my back into him.

He suddenly wrapped one arm around my waist, another under my butt, and then with a strong thrust of his body he lifted me up off the ground and placed me in a sitting position on the low counter with my legs dangling off of the side. This raised me up a little higher, to where we were now at eye level gazing intensely at each other. He stepped back and removed his hands, and then crossed his arms around his own waist and with a quick motion, and he pulled his white T-shirt off and tossed it to the side. I am pretty sure my jaw dropped, and I gaped at his tan muscles with a dark diamond thatch of curly black hair in the center of his chest. Unbidden, my right hand reached out and my fingers traced slowly through his chest hair, and began outlining his muscles with the tips. My hand was shaking.

He held still and let me touch him, but after a few minutes he stepped in closer and grabbed my hand, bringing it to his mouth to kiss it. Then he placed both of my hands on his shoulders as he leaned in, then put his fingers at the base of my neck and began tracing slow circles along my collarbone and the lace edging of my fitted blue sweater. He gave me an intense look, and suddenly popped open the first button on the sweater, then waited for a moment to gauge my reaction. I froze, but the longer I looked into his eyes the more I was pulled into his force field, and I seemed to lose all my self-consciousness. Then he reached behind my back to untie my pink apron, pulled it off and dropped it on the floor.

His hands then moved over the front of my sweater with the dexterity of a vascular surgeon, and in a matter of seconds all the buttons were undone and the sweater fell open to reveal my black satin and lace bra. I looked down at my exposed front in shock. I heard a low groan come from deep in Joe's throat and I looked up to see him staring at me with a hunger I had never seen before in a boy's eyes. I figured I was about to be devoured. He pushed his body forward as he wrapped a hand around my back and pulled me into him. My knees were still locked together and trembling, so they pushed against his abdomen and he had to lean over sharply to get close enough to my mouth to kiss me. He began kissing me hard and deep, then moved his lips to my neck and started biting and sucking as he ran the fingers of his other hand through my hair. The hand at my waist moved to my upper thigh, and he squeezed gently as he buried his face in my neck and our breathing grew faster. He began to nibble my earlobe, and ever so slowly his hand moved from my upper thigh towards my lower thigh, and then slid in between my knees.

As I breathed faster his hand applied gentle pressure between my knees to urge them apart. I involuntarily tensed and they stayed locked together. He held the pressure there, and in a low strained voice whispered "Please Stephanie….please." The sound of him begging me to open my legs sent an unexpected charge through my body, and I felt my panties grow damp. I nervously slid my shuddering thighs apart, and he promptly grabbed my legs and wrapped them around his waist. He pulled me tight against him then took my face in his hands as he kissed me feverishly. Somehow I felt completely out of control, but for whatever reason I didn't care. I tried to think about what was happening, but all I knew was how good he was making me feel.

Joe wrapped his arms around me and in one smooth motion slid them under me and lifted me up, holding me tightly to him in midair with my body wrapped around his. He turned around and slammed me against the éclair case on the opposite side of the narrow walkway as his torso pressed hard against me. The air left my body as he gripped me possessively and I could hear a primitive rumble vibrate through his hard chest. Some primal part of me responded, and my hands were everywhere I could reach. I was touching him and exploring the bulging muscles in his arms and back, and running my fingers through his hair as my lips trailed across his face and neck. My legs slid down his body and touched the ground again, and I was able to stand, though my skirt was now pushed up to my waist. His hands moved there and rubbed my hips up and down and traced the lace edges of my underwear at the top of my leg. I shivered and gasped, and he moved his hands upwards ever so slowly until they were just below my breasts. I started to tremble all over, and then I looked into his eyes and whispered "Joe…."

His eyes never left mine as he pushed the sweater down off of my shoulders, leaving me in only my bra, skirt, and panties. He continued to look at my face intently, watching my reaction as one of his hands reached up to cup my breast. My lower lip trembled and a small sigh escaped my lips. He began kneading my breast as his other hand moved to cup the other one. His fingers began tracing my nipple from the outside of the smooth material, and I gave an involuntary shudder as my panties started to feel very, very wet. In one practiced move, he unclasped my bra at my back and he stepped back away from me. I stood there against the display case feeling much like I was on display. I was frozen in place, and he just stood there watching me as the bra slid down my shoulders revealing my breasts. I felt so exposed and vulnerable, and my hands moved to cover myself, but he gave a loud groan and leaned down quickly to take a nipple into his mouth. For the first time I let out a moan of my own, and he started to suckle and tease my breasts relentlessly, and he grabbed my wrists and gently pulled my hands back down. I could feel his hot, wet mouth on the tender points of my breasts as he circled his tongue around them and sucked and tugged, and me knees grew weak. I slowly slid down to the floor as it was apparent that I no longer had the ability to hold myself up. Joe slid down with me, and we found ourselves crumpled on the tile with our bodies tangled up in each other.

We started kissing again, and he kept one hand always at my breasts. We stretched out so that our bodies could press their full length against each other. I was partly on my side, with my back against the éclair case, and he slid in close to me and pressed his lower body in tight. All of the sudden I could feel something very big and hard against my upper thigh, and I felt a sense of wonder and fear at what waited for me there. He wanted me to feel it, wanted me to know what I did to him. He sensed my emotion as my body tensed up slightly, and he whispered into my ear "It's okay Stephanie."

He took his hands from my breasts, and I whimpered as his fingers grazed my now hardened nipples. He reached down to the front of his jeans, then undid the fly and languidly pulled down the zipper. I didn't even realize I was holding my breath. He reached up and took my hand, then moved it down to rest it against his hardness outside his jeans. I was quivering, but again he whispered into my ear and he kissed me gently "It's okay Cupcake. I can tell you've never done this before. I promise I won't hurt you. Touch me." He looked me in the eyes and gave a warm smile.

At his command I started to caress his hard length through the denim, and was shocked at how large it was and how it felt like hot stone beneath his jeans. He groaned as I touched him, which surprised me as I had no way of knowing how much my touch was arousing him. I felt his muscles along his torso tense, and my curiosity overcame my trepidation and my hand drifted past the zipper and moved inside his pants. I was surprised to find that he wasn't wearing underwear, and when I touched the soft skin on his rigid shaft I jerked my hand back and gasped. His hand reached for mine, and as he began to kiss me deeply he moved it little by little down and back onto him, and I felt him hot and pulsing in my grasp. He guided my hand up and down slowly, and I heard him groan and mutter "Stephanie…damn…Steph" as his breath came faster. He suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled it away sharply, and then looked deep into my eyes. I got scared and said "Www…what? Did I do something wrong?"

"No sweetie, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm going to show you what you do to me." With that he took his hand and placed it on the inside of my leg. I locked them together again unwittingly, but he worked them apart as he slowly caressed my inner thigh. He placed his mouth directly on mine and slid his tongue into it, and as he did his hand went directly to OHMIGOD!

Where I had been almost silent before, now I moaned loudly as his hand stroked me firmly, and he pushed my panties aside to trace his fingers along my outer lips. I jerked at his touch, but he pressed against me tightly so that I couldn't pull away. We were now alongside each other on the floor, and as his hand moved my body started to writhe uncontrollably with his every touch. The only thing that kept me from levitating off the floor was his mouth hard on mine, with his tongue pushing its way inside and tangling with mine. I felt a sudden burst of wetness between my legs and cried out as his hand touched my center of pleasure and moved quickly back and forth. He suddenly pulled back completely, and with reckless abandon he jerked my panties down and off, then pulled his full length out of his jeans while his eyes drunk in the sight of my mostly nude body writhing and panting on the floor.

As I got my first look of what he had in store for me, I was filled with fear. I had never seen one before, and it looked so huge that there was no way I could possibly take all of him. He saw the change in my eyes and the sudden tension in my body, and he slowly stretched down alongside me and took me firmly into his arms. He held me close for what seemed like a very long time until my body relaxed. His hand moved to my chin, and he turned me to face him. He made sure I was looking right at him, and he said in a firm but gentle voice "I'll try hard not to hurt you Steph. I want to be inside you, make you moan and say my name. Let me show you. Let me inside you." His hand moved to my wet folds, and he said "I can feel how ready you are for me."

I didn't say a word as he slowly slid my legs apart and moved me from my side onto my back. He raised his torso above me and moved his legs between mine. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver wrapper, and with surprising speed he sheathed his taut organ before lowering himself on top of me. My breathing came in jerks and gasps, and his was also ragged as he struggled for control. "Joe…" I said in a frightened voice.

"Ssshhhh..." he soothed. My only answer was a deep breath as my hands moved to his waist and I looked at him in nervous anticipation. He very gently moved his body upwards and pushed his head up against my slick, tight entrance. All my muscles involuntarily clenched as my legs tightened around him, so he paused and leaned down to suckle a breast to distract me. As my body relaxed he suddenly pushed himself a few inches inside of me, and I cried out in pain as he opened me.

Ever so slowly he began to push his stiff cock deeper and deeper inside me, until I thought I was going to split in two. He noticed I was holding my breath, and he urged me "Breathe baby. Breathe Steph…" I took a deep breath and tried to relax as he lay on top of me and started to move slowly up and down. It burned, and I was whimpering and trying not to cry out. His hands skimmed across my body as he pushed himself inside me, and I felt his hardness sliding and pressing against my tight walls. He began to moan "Oh God Steph, you feel so good. So good."

One hand moved to my breast and kneaded it, and as he gently pumped in and out of me. After a few minutes the burning stopped and I started to feel something I couldn't describe. Something deep inside of me began to hum, and an incredible sensation began to spread from my center to the rest of my body. I started to writhe beneath him, and my hands moved to grab hold of his jeans that were bunched down around his hips so that could pull him deeper inside me. His eyes startled open as I let out a moan, and in a ragged voice he said "God Stephanie…you are so fucking beautiful." He began to thrust faster, and his free hand moved from my breast down between my legs, and he pressed down hard right where it counted. A huge jolt of pure pleasure shot through my center as he drove his hard length in and out of my virgin opening. I screamed. "Oh God…Joe! Oh my God! Joe…oh please, please…"

With that his control slipped and thrust himself deep inside, then pulled almost all the way out, then thrust in sharply again. Neither of us could tell if my cries were pleasure or pain. His skin glistened as beads of sweat started to roll down his muscled body. He let his full weight rest on top of me and he kissed me deeply as he pumped faster and faster. His tongue invaded my mouth and his hands were everywhere. My fingertips and toes were tingling, and a luxurious warmth started to spread from my core. My body tensed all over in ways I couldn't understand or control. I bucked beneath him wildly, and my hands gripped his shoulders and my nails dug into his back. He tensed and cried out, and I fixed my eyes in wonder on his face as his eyes closed. He took on an almost pained expression, then shuddered in release. I felt his shaft jerk hard inside me, and bolts of lightening seemed to shoot through my body. I screamed out his name, and he collapsed on top of me.

He shifted and pulled himself from inside me, and I gasped at the final sensation. We laid there for what seemed like an hour. I was surprised to find that I liked the weight of his body on top of mine, and I could feel him still breathing heavily. I loved the sweat, his smell, and the feeling of his muscled chest pressed against my bare breasts. We lay there catching our breath for a few more minutes, and then rose to his knees to grab his letter jacket hanging on a coat hook on the opposite wall. He gently laid it on top of my body, and then tucked himself back in his pants and zipped up. Then he lay back down alongside me on the floor and ran his fingers slowly through my hair and whispered softly "I meant what I said Steph. You are a very beautiful, special woman."

My eyes opened wide as I realized no one had ever referred to me as a woman before, only as a girl. It felt right. I looked into his eyes, and in a voice choked with emotion said "Joe, I'll never forget tonight. It was amazing. You're amazing." He smiled at me, but then he looked away. I saw something flash across his face. It was gone as soon as it came, and he turned back to me and kissed me softly for a few minutes.

He pulled away and said "Steph, I have to go. But I want you to know I won't ever forget tonight either. Keep the jacket. I want you to have it." He grabbed his shirt and quickly put it over his head, then slowly got up and walked out the door. Before it closed he turned back to look at me, and I was now standing clutching his jacket around my still nude body watching him. The look on his face was one of longing and pain, but it quickly hardened and went blank. Then finally he turned and walked away.

After he left, I got up and went to the bathroom to clean myself up and put my clothes back on. I noticed that I was bleeding a bit, and sore. I stared at myself in the mirror in shock. What had just happened? It was wonderful, but it was the last thing I expected. He told me I was beautiful, and special. I smiled and remembered all the other things he said to me, the things he did to me, and my heart felt like it would explode with happiness. Then my spirit fell as the questions started to flood my mind. When would I see him again? What would I say when I did see him? What were we? Was he my boyfriend now? Was this what it felt like to fall in love? Was this just lust? What was I to Joe Morelli? What had I done? And did I just lose my virginity on the floor of a bakery? Oh God…

Turns out I needn't have worried about most of those questions, because afterwards whenever I saw Joe at school he avoided me like the plague. He wouldn't even look me in the eye. I had been so naïve, and he'd taken my innocence. We had never even been on one actual date, and despite that it was my first and only time I felt like the world's biggest slut. My heart split in two, and I laid on my bed crying for hours and pouring out my heart to Mary Lou about what he had done to me. I quit working at the pastry shop a week later because I couldn't stand the way it made me remember what had happened there. When the homecoming dance came I wound up going with a nice, cute guy from my chemistry class, but we were just friends. I spent most of the time at the dance watching Joe, and when he asked Terry Gilman to dance I thought I would burst into tears. After Christmas break Joe disappeared from school, and I found out he had taken his GED test so that he could enroll in the Navy early. He never even said goodbye. The only thing he did communicate afterwards about our night together was written on the bathroom wall at Mario's and the football stadium.

_There once was a girl named Stephanie_  
><em>Who works at the counter of the bakery.<em>  
><em>She's got a nice ass<em>  
><em>And her tits are first-class<em>  
><em>And her cupcakes are warm, sweet, and buttery.<em>

_-JM_

I hated him with the fire of a thousand suns after that, and several times I considered burning his jacket. Somehow though, I just couldn't bring myself to do it because every time I tried I remembered the tender look in his eyes, how gentle he had been, how his touch and kisses made my body feel, and how he had looked at me with longing and told me he'd never forget.

However, I did vow that I would not only get even for walking away without an explanation, but that I'd never let another man hurt me like that. Unfortunately, my resolve certainly didn't stop Dickie from boinking Joyce on my dining room table. But at least the look on Joe's face when I rammed him with the Buick when he came home on military leave was satisfying. I smiled at the memory of his stunned face when his body bounced off the hood of the Buick. Ultimately, I guess that being my boyfriend in the present day was probably enough suffering to be a worthy revenge and take care of any karma left in the cosmos on that one.


	5. SugarCoated Cowgirl

CHAPTER 5

"Are you okay Maam? Do you want an éclair? You've been staring at them for ten minutes."

"Huh?" I was snapped out of my daydream and back into reality. I looked up right at Jason Jameson, in all his pimpled glory. Yuck, no donuts with sprinkles for me today. "Uhhh…no thanks. Actually, I represent Vincent Plum bail bonds and you've missed your court date. I'm here to help you reschedule."

He was gone in a puff of powdered sugar as he ran towards the kitchen in the back of the store. Ugh….here we go again. I placed my hands on top of the éclair case and swung my legs over it like Mary Lou Retton, then bolted after the gangly teenager. I came into the kitchen area, and saw him moving towards the rear door that led into an office and then out the back of the building. From there I was sure he would run around the front to get his Corvette for a fast getaway. He started to open the door, but found that it had a double lock that he couldn't open without a key.

"That door only opens with the manager's key Jason. I used to work here too, and I know the only other way out is past me, so you might as well give up now and cooperate." I said in a calm voice, though my pulse was racing.

"Leave me alone you crazy bitch!" he yelled, and started towards me. I reached in my purse for my pepper spray, and as he came closer I pulled it out and aimed. Locked and loaded…make my day buddy! He froze and frowned, and instead of coming within firing range he reached over and grabbed an industrial size steel container that held about four gallons of sugary donut glaze. Before I could stop him or move away he pitched the vat forward and its contents came hurtling towards me. Within seconds I was glazed. I stood there dripping as the sugary syrup soaked through my white T-shirt and ran down my jeans. As much as I liked donuts, this was completely unacceptable. Now I was pissed off!

I jumped forward and tried to grab him, but he dodged and ran right past me. I turned around to go after him, heard a loud thunk, then saw him hit the ground. He had slipped in the syrup smeared all over the floor and hit his head on a table. When he knocked the table it sent an econo-size bag of flour crashing to the ground, and a giant puff of white engulfed him. He was dazed for a minute and started coughing, so I searched frantically for my handcuffs in my purse. Why did I always forget to pull them out beforehand and keep them ready?

He tried to get up, but slipped again and this time landed on his stomach. I jumped on top of him with my legs straddled on either side of his waist. I grabbed my handcuffs and managed to cuff one hand, but he jerked out of my grasp. He put his hands under himself and raised his body up, with me still straddling his back and on top of him. He started to crawl on all fours towards the front of the store, but I clung to his shirt with one hand, and tried to find my taser in my purse with the other. He tried to buck me off his back, but I held on harder as we grunted and yelled at each other as puffs of flour flew off his body. As we came out the kitchen door we both stopped as we heard "Police, stop right there!"

We froze and looked up at Carl Costanza and two other guys in uniform. The guys I didn't know looked astonished, but as recognition crossed Carl's face he broke into a huge grin and said "Out of the saddle cowgirl, we'll take it from here." Great. So much for cops being the ones who bore the brunt of donut jokes. I realized this was yet another story I was never going to live down.

After they got him cuffed and loaded into the squad car I went over to Carl. "So who called the police? You guys got here fast." I asked.

"Actually, we just came by to pick up some donuts, and heard some commotion in the back of the store. Before I could get back there to see what was going on, you came out riding the powdered pony from hell." he chuckled.

I arranged to meet him to the station to get the body receipt in an hour, since he was going to have to wait for paramedics to check Jason out due to the nasty bump on the head he'd gotten when he'd slipped. I went back inside the Tasty Pastry and grabbed six glazed donuts, two lemon custards, two chocolates with sprinkles, and two Boston creams and loaded them in a box. I dropped a ten dollar bill on the counter and then loaded up my provisions in the Buick and headed back to the office. After all, I said I'd get the donuts, and damn it…I was going to deliver.

When I walked in Lula and Connie zoned in on the donut box and didn't even notice the fact that my entire front was still covered in liquid sugar. Either that or everyone around here was getting entirely too used to me rolling around in muck on an almost daily basis.

Connie and Lula dove into the donuts like there was no tomorrow. I realized that, for the first time in my life, I did not want a donut. Something about being covered in sugar and wrestling around in flour just took the craving right out of me.

"Girl you mind if I eat one of those Boston creams? I know they're your favorite…" Lula said with a mouth full of lemon custard.

"I don't mind. I'm not hungry anymore." I replied.

Lula looked at me like I just grew another head, then shrugged her shoulders and bit into her Boston creams.

"I don't like the cream filled ones that much." Connie said. "The chocolate ones with sprinkles are the best, and they just don't get much richer than those glazed sour cream cake donuts."

"I'll take the glazed one" a deep voice said behind me. I turned to see Ranger staring at me, and I could swear he actually looked hungry. He stood there sexily in his painted on black T-shirt and cargo pants, leaning against the door frame watching me.

"Ummm…I thought you didn't eat donuts. Not enough fiber and alfalfa and rope and stuff in there for nutritious goodness." I said with my trademark eye roll.

"I didn't say anything about donuts." he replied as the corners of his mouth turned up slyly and his eyes moved to my chest.

I looked down and realized that not only was I covered in donut glaze, but the gooey wet gunk had made my thin white T-shirt stick tightly to my breasts. You could see my nipples right through the shirt and my cotton bra! Eeek!

I quickly crossed my arms over my chest and grunted at him, but he just gave me a sly smile and licked his lips. I couldn't stop myself from a visible shudder when I got a mental picture of a naked Ranger licking and sucking the sugar off of my breasts. My nipples tightened and threatened to poke a hole in my shirt, and I was certainly blushing. A low chuckle sounded in Ranger's throat, then he walked into Vinnie's office and shut the door behind him.

I collapsed on the couch and Connie was fanning herself with a file. Lula had her jaw to the floor and was holding the flattened remains of a donut that she had unwittingly squeezed all the custard out of. ''Daaaamn girl!'' she exclaimed. ''If I was you I'd give that fine lookin' man his sugar while he still got a sweet tooth.''

''Mmmm hmmmm...'' Connie agreed, apparently at a loss for words.

''Well I think I've had about enough action for one morning.'' I groaned. ''I'm going to go home and de-glaze before I go back to the station to get Jameson's body receipt. Lord knows what they are already saying down there about this morning's rodeo ride, I don't need to start a wet T-shirt contest in the lobby to make it any worse.''

''Rodeo?'' Connie questioned with a raised eyebrow.

''Forget it, I'll tell you later. I just need to get a shower before I start attracting bees.'' I whined.

"Well just keep your girls covered up on the way to the car or it ain't bees you'll be attracting.'' Lula muttered.

I went out to my car and threw my bag in the passenger seat, but before I could slide in an arm gently tugged me back, and I spun around smack into Ranger's chest. ''Babe.'' he said, pulling me tight to him. ''What's this I hear about a rodeo?''

I rolled my eyes again and replied ''It's nothing Ranger. I wound up riding one of my skips this morning. I was trying to put handcuffs on him and he kept bucking, and somewhere along the way I got all wet and sticky!''

''Kinky. Like it when you talk dirty.'' he said as his eyes went dark and he pulled me tighter to his rock hard body.

I turned purple when I realized how that had sounded, and I stuttered ''Www...wait, that's totally not, I mean, umm, really is not at all what I meant...I umm...''

I felt his chest rumble, and he loosened his grip and I stepped back from him. He shook his head as I climbed back into the Buick to make my retreat. I closed the door, but he stuck his head in the window and placed a hand on mine before I could jam the keys in the ignition.

''Got a job for you tonight, if you're interested.'' he said.

''Well gee, I'm kind of busy these days Ranger. I've got another skip to start on, I'm getting ready to go on a trip with Mary Lou Sunday, and have some errands to run.'' I answered. My mind was racing to think of some other excuse, since I wasn't sure what I would do if I had several hours of close contact with him. After all, it had been three months now since I'd last slept with Morelli, and I was getting a little pent up. My record for decision making in these scenarios was not good.

''It pays $2500.'' he offered.

''Sign me up!'' I blurted out, wondering of how many margaritas and massages you can buy with $2500. ''Whatever shall I wear, and what time are you picking me up?'' I asked.

''Eight. The usual. Something...distracting. What you have on is fine.'' he replied with a wink.

''Ugh! Men are such pervs!'' I exclaimed as I tried to cover my chest with one arm and start up the car with the other. Before I could press on the accelerator Ranger leaned his head in further and placed his lips on my neck, on the sensitive little notch between the collarbones. He kissed it gently, and then flicked his tongue across my skin, tasting the residue of glaze and sending a jolt through my spine. I sucked in my breath, and he slowly pulled his head away. By the time my eyes fluttered open he was gone.


	6. Glazed and Confused

CHAPTER 6

I'd left the A/C on full blast on the way to my apartment, hoping that it would ease the increasingly uncomfortable wet sticky feeling across my torso, and cool off the fire burning from where Ranger had licked my neck. Instead, all it accomplished was to dry the shirt into a hardened crust. My T-shirt was now a vest of cotton and crystallized sugar, molded into a stiff cast of my chest. This was just a fanfuckingtastic start to my week, I thought with my bottom lip sticking out while wriggling with discomfort. And this morning had started so well.

No Steph...get a grip! The glass is half full here! You have an awesome vacation planned, your birthday is in less than a week, your bank account is as well padded as it has ever been, your credit cards are paid off, and tonight you'll earn enough for vacation mad money and a down payment to rid yourself of Big Blue.

I pulled up to my apartment and began humming a Beach Boys tune, grateful to have recaptured my pleasant mood from earlier this morning. I had the good fortune not to bump into anyone in the lobby, and there weren't any nosy senior citizens in the elevator to look at me cross-eyed either. See, things were already starting to go my way again!

Or so I thought until the elevator opened to reveal a very sexy looking Morelli sitting against my front door. He was wearing his usual T-shirt and jeans, but his relaxed position did nothing to hide his well defined muscles beneath the fabric. I sighed and walked over to open the door, the hardened mold of my T-shirt shifting obviously as I moved. ''Afternoon Cupcake.'' he said. ''Heard you had a wild ride this morning.''

''It wasn't my fault!'' I said, exasperated. ''And geez! It's only been an hour since then. I'm thinking all the Burg gossip mongers are getting more organized. They must have started a phone tree or opened up a call center to spread stuff around, I'm not sure which.''

''Nope.'' he responded, ''I heard it come out over the police band. Dispatch has given you your own honorary 10 code now. Any call involving you is a 10-32, which is a total of the number of cars and buildings you've destroyed, dead bodies you've found, and shootings that have taken place in your presence,'' he said with smug satisfaction.

''Greeeeaaat...'' I mumbled, pushing the door open. Joe followed me in, but before I could put down my bag and head towards the shower he grabbed my waist and spun me around.

Joe held me tightly, my shirt making crackling noises as he pressed me to his chest. ''I missed you Cupcake. You're my favorite kind, soft warm center with a hard candy shell.'' he said with a wolf grin.

"Joe...really. I need to get cleaned up. I have errands to run, another skip to start on, and a job at eight tonight.'' I said with an irritated tone.

"What's wrong Cupcake? Haven't you missed me?'' He honestly looked hurt.

"Of course I did Joe.'' I said sincerely. I had missed him.

''I've just thrown myself into work a lot lately. But it has been a good thing. For the first time in my life I've got my financial ducks in a row, and with tonight's job for Ranger I'll be able to replace my car. I'm trying to act like an adult for once.'' I explained.

I felt him stiffen when I mentioned Ranger, but then he relaxed and surprised me by saying 'Well in that case, I'm proud of you Steph. It's about time we both grew up and put away childish things.''

''And what is that supposed to mean?'' I nervously inquired, carefully breaking from his embrace and heading towards the kitchen. What exactly was 'childish things?' Was he actually talking about Ranger? My job? Or was he saying in some twisted way that he trusted me now? I thought back to Ranger tasting the merchandise this morning and figured if that was the case then maybe he spoke too soon. I got a shiver down my spine remembering his hot tongue dancing across my neck. As I tossed some hamster nuggets in Rex's cage Joe sidled up behind me and moved in close.

''I just mean that I want us both to move forward Steph.'' he replied, with an openness and warmth in his voice that I wasn't accustomed to hearing. ''We've grown up together, and want us to finally be adults at the same time. It's time we quit dancing around each other.''

''W...w...what brought this on all of the sudden?'' I gulped, as my heart started racing and my mental Ginger Rogers started double-timing it.

''That's just it. It isn't sudden. It's been building for a long time, and I'm just tired Steph." I heard him sigh, and he leaned in tightly to me and in almost a whisper said "I'm tired of fighting, of not knowing when I'll see you next, of wondering whether we are going to be on or off the next week. But mostly I'm just tired of waking up in the morning and not seeing you lying next to me. Knowing you're safe.''

He had me for the first part of the speech, but I bristled at the "safe" reference since I knew it had to be an allusion to my career choices. "Joe….I…I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything Steph. These are just some things I felt it was time for me to say. Please baby, look at me." He commanded. He only called me that when he got really intense, and I swallowed thickly. I turned around cautiously and met his gaze, which was unwavering. "I think we might be able to make this work. I love you, and I want to start talking about our future. Just think about it, okay?"

"Oh..oh..okay." I stuttered, completely floored. This was not the way we did things in this relationship. Whenever things got serious we were supposed to start throwing up walls, fighting about something stupid, and ignore the real problem completely. This was breaking all the rules! My palms were getting really sweaty all of the sudden.

"I want to take you out on Saturday night for your birthday. I've got something special planned, alright?" Joe asked with his sexiest Italian smile.

"Umm, okay Joe. I just can't be up too late though, I'm catching an early flight on Sunday." I responded warily.

"A flight? To where?" he said with restrained alarm.

"I'm going on a vacation…sort of. Mary Lou had a death in the family and needs me to help her take care of some things. I'll be in Florida about a week. I think it will do me some good to have time away from…everything." I answered, hoping he didn't realize that one of the things I had been thinking about getting away from was him.

He sighed in apparent relief. "Okay Cupcake. I'll pick you up Saturday at 6pm okay? Dress nice."

"Alright." I barely croaked out. Then Joe leaned over and laid on me a bone melting, soul searing kiss that made my insides boil, then just as quickly turned and walked out the door. I stood there gasping, hanging onto the kitchen counter, then slid to the tiled floor with my heart thumping so hard it threatened to jump out of my chest. "Oh my God Rex, I think I just got hit by a truck!" Rex stared at me for a moment while he jammed nuggets in his cheeks, then returned to his soup can. I could tell he had been equally as affected.

I stayed in the shower long enough to get nice and pruney, the whole time thinking about what Joe had been trying to get at. He had completely thrown me for a loop, and the whole birthday dinner had me nervous. What "special plans" did he have for Saturday? Why was he bringing everything out into the open now? What sort of thinking was he doing about "our future?" And how exactly was I supposed to respond to all this?


	7. Dressing for Distraction

CHAPTER 7

After I'd driven back to the station to grab my body receipt, I decided go get paid so that I could go on a quick pre-vacation shopping spree to ease the tension that had been mounting ever since this morning's little chat with Joe. I grimaced as I'd remembered the chortles and greetings of "Howdy partner" at the front desk. Ugh. Sometimes my job just didn't pay enough for enduring such derision.

After Connie gave me my check, I headed towards Macy's and my mood started to lift. As I walked into the shoe department I felt energized and focused, the way a panther must feel when it's closing in on its prey. And there it was! On the very top of a tiered display was the most incredible pair of shoes I had ever seen. They were 3 1/2 inch gold pumps, that instead of screaming "fuck me," they purred "I dare you to try to fuck me and survive you lowly man who is now under my wicked spell." The body of the shoe consisted of a golden, jewel encrusted lizard with red gem eyes, whose long body and tail seductively wrapped its way around the top of the foot. The mouth of the lizard ended at the ankle with a silver tongue licking out against the skin, connected by a band of multicolored jewels wrapping around the ankle for support. The band of sparkling stones dripped all the way around with extraordinarily fine golden tassels about a half inch long, that I knew would sway seductively as I walked. These were shoes that would make a man fall to his knees and beg for mercy. I started to feel lightheaded, and realized it was because I'd stopped breathing. I sucked in oxygen and plucked the shoe off of the display, handling it like a fine piece of china as I turned it over to see how much it was. I almost teared up when I saw that it was $795, and my heart sank like a concrete balloon because I realized they were the most expensive shoes I'd ever beheld. I'd just spent months paying off my credit cards, and needed to use tonight's windfall from the distraction job to get a new car and have a little extra vacation money. I'd worked too hard to get back on my fiscal feet just to strap on a pair of $800 shoes and kiss financial stability goodbye. Even though it was the holy grail of the shoe world I had in my hands, they were definitely too extravagant to afford. I put them back on the display and wiped away my drool. But what better way to console myself than by purchasing a new distraction outfit for tonight, something that was a little more in my price range…right?

My grief over the shoes must have pushed me over the edge, since my subsequent dress purchase was much more daring than usual and rivaled the shoes in their allure to the opposite sex. It was a slip dress with a shimmery overlay that went from red at the bottom, faded to orange in the middle, and transformed to a shiny gold at the top. When I looked at myself in the dressing room mirror there was no denying I'd set any room on fire. The dress indeed looked like a flame, and the orange band at my waist and the dramatic flared handkerchief hemline of the red skirt created the perfect illusion of an hourglass worthy of a centerfold. The dress faded into a luminous gold right beneath my breasts, drawing attention to them and making them look at least a cup size larger. The top portion was a halter top that criss-crossed around my neck, and with the deep V-neck it created a teardrop opening that displayed the rounded edges of both breasts in a monument to cleavage. A necklace would definitely not be necessary with the attention-grabbing neckline of the dress, so instead I purchased a mixture of shiny red, orange, and gold bangles to finish the look. I had a pair of gold open toe FMP's at home that would work well with the outfit, and thanks to a foray to Victoria's secret I now had a striped bag swinging in my hand containing a matching gold lace thong and strapless wonderbra. The boys would never know what hit them.

I practically sprinted over to the food court since I had never actually eaten breakfast, and managed to wolf down a Big Mac in under five minutes. As I licked the salt from the fries off of my fingers, I noticed my hair wizard Alexander in the window of the salon, and decided to drop by to see if he could fit me in for a quick styling.

"I'm sorry Stephanie, but I'm afraid I'm booked all afternoon. But never fear, Alexander can work miracles with that mane of yours, I have something special I have been saving for you." With a flourish he pulled a purple tin off of the shelf and placed it in my hands. "This jar, my dear, contains the answers to all your problems. We just got it in last week and it's imported from Australia. It's a special blend that is designed for out of control curls like yours. I promise you won't be disappointed." he said smugly.

I yelped in sticker shock when I saw the $25 price tag. I looked at the label and noticed that it was mostly a blend of jojoba oil and paraffin wax, not exactly the diamond and gold dust combo I was expecting. "It will add weight to your hair, darling," he explained. "It will help the curls to combine into strands and lay right. Have I ever led you wrong?" I recalled a dye job once where the answer was yes, but figured it was worth giving it a try just in case it lived up to Alexander's reverent recommendation. As I added yet another charge to a credit card that I had so diligently paid off in recent months, I assured myself that I would take care of the balance as soon as I got the check from tonight's job for Ranger. Besides, my purchases were all work related anyway, which made it all okay of course.

After pulling back into my parking lot later and returned to my sanctuary I felt decidedly better than when I'd left hours earlier. It was about two in the afternoon and I had six more hours before Ranger was picking me up for our job tonight. I set down the shopping bags, turned on some cartoons, and settled into the couch to read the other folder Connie had given me for my next skip. The picture showed a mousy, small man of about forty with coke bottle glasses with frazzled looking light brown hair. He definitely didn't look very intimidating. He definitely wasn't my usual sort of gig of drunks and disorderlies. His criminal record revealed more minor charges of cruelty to animals, window peeping, and a few more recent instances of breaking and entering. What was more alarming was the sheer number of the charges in spite their less violent nature, and that he was currently FTA on a parole violation for failing to register as a sex offender when he moved to Trenton from Pennsylvania. He was on parole for a molestation charge of a young girl. I felt my skin crawl just thinking about it. I'd met up at Pino's several months ago with Joe and some other detectives I hadn't met before, and I talked with Sex Crimes detective named Beth Chaney about guys like this. She told me that the scary thing about pedophilia was that there was no such thing as reform or rehabilitation. Unless they found a way to keep the individual away from children for the rest of their lives, the recidivism rate was almost 100%. In other words, once a pedophile, always a pedophile.

I shut the folder because looking at his face creeped me out. From the way Beth had described their personalities, they were almost childlike, and were afraid of authority and adults. They only felt comfortable around young children. I knew he'd be pretty easy to catch and was unlikely to resist, but the thought of having to touch the guy to put cuffs on him made bile rise in the back of my throat. I noticed that he did computer consulting out of his home, so hopefully that meant he would be pretty easy to locate.

I went to place my mall purchases in my closet, and before I knew it I wound up on my bed in my thinking position. I thought long and hard about what Joe had said about our future for a whole thirty seconds, before my thoughts drifted to cabana boy massaging me and serving fruity drinks with those little umbrellas sticking out. When I woke up I saw the sun going down outside my window and it was already five pm. Well so much for chasing after another skip today, or else I wouldn't have time to get myself all dolled up for tonight's job.

I jumped in the shower to get my hair wet again and exfoliate. Afterwards I applied some self tanner that was guaranteed not to make me look like walking carrot, since the beach was still a week away and I wanted to get an early sun-kissed look. After it soaked in I made sure to apply some jasmine scented lotion all over my body for extra softness and aromatic appeal. I rubbed a little of Alexander's miracle cream in my palm liked he'd described, and spread it evenly throughout my hair before combing it out. I was skeptical, but after using a diffuser to scrunch it dry like the instructions said it was indeed a hair miracle. The lion's mane had been tamed! My hair was shiny and hung in perfectly coiled ringlets around my face and shoulders, with no crazy fly away strands like there usually were. I stared in the mirror in shock, and decided that the miracle goop deserved a place of honor in the medicine cabinet along with a couple more to keep it company.

I grabbed some blood red nail polish and went to the living room to give myself a manicure and pedicure and watch some TV. I flicked it on and saw that they were showing one of the Lord of the Rings movies. Perfect! I wasn't a huge fan, but Aragorn was H-O-T and was one of the band of "Rangers." Viggo Mortensen may not be Cuban, but he unquestionably reminded me of a certain other Ranger. As the paint was drying, I called my mother.

"Stephanie! Why haven't you been over? I had some spice cake made for you last week and you never came by to get some." she exclaimed. Now she tells me. If I'd known she had spice cake…

"Mom, I've been busy. I've been working twice as hard lately to save up for the trip with Mary Lou, and I've got to replace my car so I can return the Buick. I promise I'll come by this week before I leave. Really."

My mother sighed. "Okay honey. Why don't you come by on Friday and we'll make you your favorites for your birthday, and a pineapple upside down cake for dessert. And bring that nice Morelli boy." It still stumped me how he had gone from that "no-good Morelli boy" to that "nice Morelli boy," but I think my mother figured he was her last shot for grandchildren.

"Ummm…actually I'd rather have it just be the family on Friday." I replied anxiously.

"And why exactly can't you invite him over? Are you ashamed of your family?" she scolded.

"Of course not Mom, it's just that …Joe and I, well…we umm…have a special night planned for Saturday, and I'd rather let the suspense build." Oh God! Why did I tell her that? I knew I was going to live to regret this phone call. I was only trying to escape a guilt trip, but it looked like now I'd really done it.

"Really? Well then, we'll just see you on Friday. Make sure to get your beauty rest dear." She cheerily ended the call after that, probably so she could start booking reception halls and writing out the guest list.

As Viggo battled to save Middle Earth, I went to get dressed. My fake tan was starting to set nicely, and I decided I would go without hosiery for the evening as I slipped on my new undies. I went in the bathroom to do my makeup, and decided on a shimmery gold shadow to highlight right beneath my brows and inner eyelids. I used a cinnamon shadow for the rest of the lid, and an earthy reddish brown as an accent color. I decided to go the full 9 yards and used base, jet black liner on the upper and lower lid, extended length mascara, shimmery blush, and fire engine red lipstick with a super shiny gloss finish. I pouted my lips and posed in the mirror, and concluded that I was a ready for the cover of Vogue as I would ever be. Hmm…well not quite sophisticated enough for Vogue. How about Maxim? Not too trashy, but not too classy. Definitely not Hustler…

After slipping the dress on I found that the top was a bit tight thanks to the addition of the wonderbra, and it opened up the keyhole portion of the top a little wide. You could see the rounded inner edges of both globes of my breasts peeking out either side of the hole. It was more cleavage than originally planned, and I was reconsidering that Hustler cover. I was about to head out of the bathroom to look in my closet for another option that might leave something to the imagination, but then I heard my front door unlock. A dark figure sauntered up towards my open bedroom doorway, then stopped abruptly and stood there silently waiting. So much for second guessing my dress selection.

After taking a deep breath I stepped out of the bathroom and faced him, giving a quick finger wave and a twirl. I'd toss my old baton for dramatic effect, but didn't have it handy. I wasn't sure what I expected, but when he just stood there and didn't move or speak for a full minute I started to get uncomfortable and began babbling to fill the gap.

"So I'm not sure if I'm looking the part here. I don't know what your skip's type is…ummm…if this isn't classy enough I've got a black number in the back of my closet that…."

Before I could even continue he had somehow crossed the room in one second flat, and stopped only inches away. His arms tightly gripped my shoulders, and his dark eyes were smoldering laser beams right through me.

"Don't. Change." He said in a gruff, halting voice. I could have sworn he was breathing hard, and I heard him mutter "Dios me da fuerza…" along with something else in Spanish.

"Okay." I managed in a high tinny voice. Mental note: must learn Spanish. His hands were tight on my shoulders, and he stood there for another minute raking his eyes slowly up and down while inhaling deeply through his nose. Just as abruptly, he turned and walked into my living room. I wasn't sure how he managed with only a two-word sentence, but I was undone and had to stand there panting for a few minutes before I could work up the nerve to follow him into the living room.

When I strolled up to the couch in he was all business, his blank face revealing nothing as he opened up a case full of assorted gadgets and earpieces with wires sticking out. He pulled one of the devices out and set it on the coffee table. "Wire yourself up. I'll be downstairs in the truck." His head was turned away from me as he spoke curtly, and then he was out the door in a blur of black.

Well that was a bit strange. It wasn't like the man ever said much and his words still felt carefully chosen as usual, but his voice sounded unusually sharp. I mentally shrugged, and decided to just ignore it for now and focus on the job. I had $2500 to earn tonight, and I didn't want to mess anything up. I wasn't sure if I could manage to fit anything else into the left cup of my bra, but I eventually succeeded in jamming the wire under my breast. I went to put on my strappy gold sandals, then crammed my wallet, lipstick, and taser into the largest gold clutch purse I could find, then called myself done. After one last nervous glance in the mirror I headed downstairs.

("_Dios me da fuerza" = God give me strength)_


	8. Double Distraction

CHAPTER 8

When I got to the truck Ranger was inside staring straight ahead, and he didn't speak a word as we drove to our undisclosed location. He was usually in the zone when he drove, but something in the air felt tense. I was getting increasingly uncomfortable with the silence, so I reached over to the radio and turned it on. I settled on a classic rock station but kept the volume low. After about 15 minutes we passed an industrial area of Trenton I wasn't as familiar with.

"There are actually two of them tonight you'll be luring outside" he voiced without warning, and I visibly jumped in my seat. "Their names are Ronald and Donald Talley. Brothers who went on a tri-state armed robbery spree a few months back. They like to pick fights at bars, so Lester will be seated close to them to give them an excuse. Take a seat nearby and wait for Lester to make a nuisance of himself to grab their attention. When they try to defend your honor, Lester will try to make a hasty exit when they challenge him. If they don't follow, you'll be Plan B. Try to lure them out after that by asking them to escort you to the car. Act afraid that Lester is waiting for you. Tank, Bobby, and Hal will be positioned out front for the take down, along with Lester. I'll be inside near the front entrance to makes sure nothing goes wrong, and will follow you out." He kept his eyes pointed straight ahead as he grabbed a folder from the center console and placed it gently into my lap.

I opened the folder to find two 8 X10 glossy photos. They both showed a man of about thirty-five with a deep tan, shaved head, no neck, and plenty of stubble. He would have been rather handsome except for the cold, dead eyes that stared back at me. "Ranger, do you have a picture of the other brother?" I asked.

"Identical twins."

"Oh." I said stupidly. Duh. If I'd looked closer I would have noticed that one of them had a pierced ear with a giant diamond stud and the other had a deep scar above his eyebrow. "So what is their type usually?" I asked, trying to figure out how to play my role.

"They usually go for a fast, leggy blonde, so Lester is there for the extra incentive."

"Hmph." I grunted and I furrowed my brow, feeling insulted. So they wanted Superslut Barbie and they were getting Skipper? I didn't like being relegated to Plan B.

Frankly, I thought this whole scenario was a little too planned out, even for Ranger. Usually he left me to my own devices when it came to distraction jobs, and I was surprised that he was putting Lester in such a risky position instead of leaving it to me to get them outside. Wasn't that the whole point of having me there? I mean, I didn't have a bat belt and my ability to fly was questionable, but when it came to being sufficiently slutty to get a man's attention I had some definite skills. I decided I was not liking this plan.

"Babe."

"Yeah?"

"Just want to give you a little extra cover on this one. These are not nice guys." Darn ESP.

"They are rough with their women. And they like to share…everything." he explained.

I gulped and my stomach got queasy. But the burg girl in me came out, so I lifted my chin up in defiance and answered "I bet their momma still dresses them alike." I mean really? How scary can they be with rhyming names?

I saw the corners of his mouth twitch upwards, but his blank stare returned in an instant and he still didn't turn to look at me. Nonetheless, I felt the tension in the truck cab ease a tad as we pulled up to a bar. It wasn't much more than a hole in the wall, but the proximity to several large business and industrial complexes made it a prime hangout for the nearby mix of middle management types and blue collar workers coming off their shifts. Ranger parked about a block away, and I eased out of the cab and started walking towards the entrance. He stayed back to let me enter the bar alone, but I could feel his powerful presence behind me without turning to look.

It didn't take more than thirty seconds to spot my target. One of the brothers was bellied up to the bar, as was Lester only two stools away. I didn't see the other brother, and the only seat at the bar that wasn't taken was between him and Lester. I steeled myself and marched up to the bar, sliding seductively into the empty seat, brushing casually up against the suspect. The stool was high, so I made sure when I stepped up that I leaned a tad far and my skirt rode up high his direction. I motioned to bartender, and in a throaty voice I ordered a "Screaming Orgasm" with an extra Amaretto shot without batting an eyelash. The brother didn't even give me a second glance and kept sipping whatever amber liquid he had swirling around in his glass, but Lester stiffened in his chair.

I wasn't pleased with my guy's reaction. I'd show this Ronald or Donald guy that short and slightly chubby chicks with brown curly hair are where it's at! I figured it was time to pull out all the stops, and decided that I wouldn't wait for Lester's move. I was going to defend my own honor here as a brunette. After all, this was a matter of principle now.

A minute passed, and after paying for my drink I swiveled around to face away from the bar and slightly towards Ron or Don or whoever he was. I let a little of the milky white cocktail dribble out of the side of my mouth as I took a slow sip, then used my tongue to languidly lick it off of my pouty crimson lips. I made sure my multicolored bangles jangled a bit as they slid down my wrists to help garner some attention before I pulled the lip licking routine. I felt his eyes glance my way, and right on cue the other brother came out of the restroom and walked towards us.

The second brother stopped a foot away from me and grunted "Miss, you're in my chair."

Unfazed, I faked a surprised look and began to look from one brother to the other like I was watching a Wimbledon tournament. In the lustiest voice I could conjure, I cooed "Well excuse me boys. Double my pleasure, double my fun." I gave a sexy smile and a toss of the head, hoping desperately that quoting spearmint gum commercials was a wise move. I heard Lester let out a strangled cough on the other side of me.

The second brother just stood there for a moment, but then gave a shady smile. He motioned to the bartender and ordered an extra dry vodka martini over my shoulder. He still didn't say anything, so I tried again.

"Would you like your seat back? I kept it nice and warm for you…" I asked. I wiggled my ass on the chair a bit, then thrust my chest out extra far as I moved to step off the stool.

"No that's alright Miss…what was your name?" he asked.

"I'm Tiffany Amber. And you are?" I figured if I didn't have the right hair color that the name should be accurate.

"I'm Ronald, and this is my brother Donald." I decided now would be a bad time to make a lame joke about rhyming names.

"Nice to meet you both. I know you must get this all the time, but I really can't tell you two apart" I replied, trying to sound a bit ditzy. After all, I was trying to let my fairer roots show here. I pretended to ignore the scary looking scar above Ronald's eyebrow. "I think I'd have to inspect each of you _very _thoroughly to help me out."

Now Donald turned to face me and gave a matching shady grin. The bartender put the martini on the counter behind me, and Ronald reached past me to grab it. I locked eyes with him and didn't lean to the side, so that he had to brush my bare skin in several places to grab his cocktail. As he pulled his drink towards his mouth I smoothly plucked the skewered olive from his martini and in a voice dripping with desire I asked "Do you mind Ronny? I'm really into _sharing_." I put careful emphasis on the word "sharing" and made sure to cut my eyes over to Donald as I did.

I don't know what came over me, but it was like I'd done it a hundred times before. In one even move I popped the olive into my mouth with the red pimento facing out, drawing the miniature plastic sword out seductively, then trailing my blood red nails across my lips. Before they could blink I bit off the back end of the olive while holding it in my pursed matching red lips. With a loud popping noise an instant later, I sucked the pimento right out of the middle and swallowed it whole, leaving the empty olive shell in my lips. Then in one polished move I bit down on the olive and devoured it in one bite, licking my lips and moaning in the process. Lester started to fall out of his chair and had to grab the bar to steady himself. Ronald and Donald's expressions were carbon copies, jaws both dropped to the floor and eyes wide. It was hard not to giggle. Bite my dust Barbie!

They shut their mouths at the same time, then turned and nodded at each other. I took this as my cue and did a sexy slide off the stool and took a few steps towards the door, then tossed my head over my shoulder. I seductively curled my finger at them in a "come hither" gesture. Donald kept his eyes locked on me as he threw a twenty down on the bar and they both walked up behind me. Ronald moved to my right and Donald to my left, and they each put an arm around my waist. I started walking towards the door, and evil minds must think alike because in unison they both slid their hands down to cup a cheek of my ass and gave it a simultaneous rough squeeze that was a little painful. For the first time since I'd come in I noticed Ranger sitting low in his chair at a table near the entrance. When the three of us approached the exit the usual anonymous stare Ranger perfected for these situations turned into a glower when he saw the twin's hands drift lower.

As I stepped out into the cool air of the night both hands disappeared off my butt as a swarm of huge men jerked the twins away and threw them down on the concrete in a string of curses. I kept walking at a leisurely pace without looking back, secure that the action behind me would end in a flurry of handcuffs. I whistled a little tune while I walked to Ranger's truck, feeling very victorious. I still couldn't decide what color my new car should be. I pondered while I pulled the wire out of my bra cup.

My musings ended pretty quickly when I saw Ranger striding up to where I stood waiting for him. He stopped a foot short of me and in a crisp voice said "You changed the plan Babe."

"Well, I don't see why blondes should have all the fun." I offered weakly.

"Get in." he commanded, his voice still sounding sharp as he jerked open the passenger door.

I crawled into the cab, and he shut the door loudly behind me. It startled me so much that I dropped the wire on the floorboard. I fought off a rising panic as he circled around the front of his truck. Was he mad at me? I'd never seen him like this. I was used to the perfectly controlled Ranger with the impassive countenance. The look that had crossed his face in the bar reminded me of grimace Joe would get right before he started yelling at me.

He got in the truck and turned to face me, his eyes piercing into me and his jaw tighter than a snare drum. Unsettled, I went on the offensive. "Really Ranger! I don't what just crawled up your ass and died, but you have no good reason to be mad at me! You hired me for distraction, so I don't see why I should have to put Lester in unnecessary danger when I can get the job done without him. I can't pick your locks, hotwire your car, or do any of those Rangeman Jedi mind tricks, but I can slut myself up enough to make your average man want to screw me!" I instinctively ducked my head into my shoulders, waiting for the return volley like the one I usually got from Joe when I made the first attack.

Instead, Ranger shot across the seat and grabbed me, crashing his mouth onto mine. There was nothing controlled about him as his hands wandered madly from my face to my waist to my hips, ending up in my hair while he kissed me hard and his tongue tangled with mine. Suddenly a Ranger induced screaming orgasm seemed like a fantastic idea. I took my hands and placed them on his lower back, raking my manicured nails up to his shoulder blades. I heard him groan and mutter "Yes Maam you can..." His muscled chest radiated warmth through his tight black T-shirt, and pressed up against my scantily clad torso his heat seemed to scald my skin. He was huge and hard pressed up against my thigh. His hand moved to my other thigh and slid up under my dress, and I had no luck suppressing a loud moan as I felt a burst wetness only inches from his wandering fingertips. He moved his lips to my neck and started kissing and tracing his magic tongue down towards the promised land. "You are anything but the average man..." I whispered breathily. We both froze as a knock on the window startled us.

"Ahem." At the sound of Lester clearing his throat Ranger sprung back to his seat with the grace of a tiger, slowed his breathing, and smoothly rolled down his window about halfway.

"Uh...boss. Sorry to interrupt, but needed to let you know that we'll be taking one of them to the hospital first. There was a broken bottle on the concrete when we took him down, so he'll need a few stitches. Hal will bring the other one to the station." Lester wasn't even attempting to wipe the wide grin off of his face.

"Okay. Call me when you get there." Ranger replied as he rolled the window back up and stared straight ahead, his expression revealing nothing.

As Lester walked away I could see his broad chest vibrating with laughter. I was still slid halfway down in my seat breathing raggedly, so I sat up quickly, checked my hair, and smoothed down my skirt while trying to appear normal. Mentally I was still making out with Ranger. Without a word, he started up the car and put it into gear. I noticed as we drove past the rest of the Rangeman that a few of them handed Lester wads of cash as we passed. What was that about?

We drove silently back to my apartment, my mind and heart racing. Even though he sat in stillness a few feet away, I could still feel his hands on my body and his lips on mine. I'd never seen him so unrestrained. Well, I had once. The memory of that made my breath catch in my throat and now I was surely blushing. I thought of a hundred things to say but none of them seemed right for this situation, whatever it was. The minutes passed like hours, but finally we pulled up to my apartment.

Ranger shifted in his seat across from me, and pulled a check out of his shirt pocket. I reached out to take it when he held it out, and as his fingertips brushed mine we both went stock still. "So should I leave it as is or make it out to Tiffany?" he said with the corners of his mouth hitched up slightly, and I felt the awkwardness ease a bit as I pulled my hand away.

"Cute." I replied with an eye roll, then opened the car door and stepped out into the night.

"Bye Babe."

I was so startled that I stumbled and was barely able to stop myself from falling face flat on the asphalt. When I faltered I also broke the heel on one of my gold pumps. "Damn it!" I swore loudly. Before I could even straighten up Ranger was at my side, handing me my gold clutch purse that had fallen into a puddle. I smoothed down my skirt again, hoping my dignity was more intact than my poor shoe. It was the first time I had ever heard Ranger say goodbye. Ever. To anyone.

"You okay?"

"Uh...yeah. Must have tripped on something." I said, scanning the perfectly even, pristine parking lot at my feet. We stood there for a moment, and I started to feel uneasy again, so I just blurted out "Well goodbye then, I'll see you around. Thanks for the job" in an overly cheerful voice.

I turned to walk away, and tried desperately to look graceful as I hobbled to the apartment entrance on one heel. I failed. Then I felt his hands brush my back, and before I knew it he swept me up into his strong arms. I found myself staring at his brawny chest rippling through his tight shirt, my body tingled everywhere that his arms made contact. He carried me effortlessly into the lobby, and gently placed me back on my feet on the soft carpet. Somewhere along the way I'd put my arm around his neck, and it there it remained as I now stood inches away from him, my mouth still hanging open.

I dropped my arm and remembered to shut my gaping mouth. "Thanks Ranger" I croaked out. Half of me wanted to jump back in his arms, but the other half of me wanted to turn and run up the stairwell as fast as my uneven gait would allow. Then Ranger stepped back and nodded almost imperceptibly, and then he turned and left. I stood there wavering on my one good shoe in the entrance, watching him drive away. I didn't even bother to slip off the offending shoe, and wobbled up to my apartment feeling like I had just been hit by another truck.

I collapsed on top of my bedcovers still dressed, the events of the evening whirling around in my head. I fell asleep instantly, but it was far from restful. At first it was because of impure dreams about Ranger, but I was also starting to have some really strange ones too. I was always in a small room and couldn't get out, and the only door would start to open. I would never see the person coming through the door, but I was terrified of him. In this dream I reached around for something to defend myself, but there were only broken shards of my cookie jar on the filth covered concrete floor, and for some reason I couldn't move very well. I was wearing a burgundy dress, but the fabric turned into blood and dripped down my naked body as the dark figure walked closer with his hands stretched out towards me. I woke up screaming in a cold sweat at 3am.


	9. Three Merry Men and a Baby

CHAPTER 9

I finally woke up late the next morning after the restless night, spread eagled on my bed still in the dress from the night before. I rose to my knees and looked at the alarm clock, and saw that it was 12:30 and I felt like I hadn't eaten in ages. Guess distraction work and nightmares really take it out of you. I wiped the drool from the side of my mouth and stepped out of bed, choosing instead to remember the flashes of the dream I'd had earlier last night of a beautiful Latin man licking my...

Ooomph! I was surprised to find that I still had my one and a half shoes on, and now I was spread eagled on my bedroom floor. This was day was not starting off well.

After showering I threw on a pair of old faded jeans that I paid good money for since they were torn in all the right places, and a red tank top with a built in bra. After last night's fiasco I decided fire engine red was my color. One look in the fridge revealed a whole lot of nothing, but fortunately I still had two emergency packs of strawberry frosted pop tarts in the cupboard. Rex seemed to enjoy the corner I broke off for him. It was easy to tell since he stuffed it in his cheek, ran into his soup can, and only his twitchy butt was now visible. After my balanced breakfast, I plopped down on the couch to read the file on the next skip and plan my day. The pedophile. Yuck. Just looking at the picture of Marvin Petrie made my skin crawl. I was tempted to procrastinate and see if Connie had any new ones at the office I could do first, since I had until Saturday night to pick him up. I wonder if it is possible to arrest someone without ever actually touching them? I made a phone call to Marvin's probation officer to get some more background information, but had to leave a message. I decided to call the skip's house to see if he was there first, and would fake a wrong number if he was. There was no answer there either.

As I pondered, there was a frenzied knocking at my front door. I jumped to my feet, and for a split second I actually considered going to my cookie jar. But then it struck me just how ridiculous it was that I was alarmed when someone knocked as opposed to just breaking in. A look through the peephole showed my sister Valerie in tears, cradling baby Lisa in her arms.

"Val? What's wrong?" I said with concern as I opened the door.

"My mother in law. She just dropped in the middle of the grocery store and had a heart attack. She's in the ICU and it isn't looking good. It was so sudden, and Albert is inconsolable. She raised him by herself and I...I've just never seen a man so upset in my life. I just don't know what to say to make him feel better." she tearfully exclaimed.

"Come in and have a seat. Let me get you a glass of water or something." It occurred to me that I had no idea what to say to make her feel better either, but I thought I'd try my mother's hostess tactics.

"Thanks Steph, but I have to go. I'm actually here because I need your help" she explained. She must need help pretty bad, she almost never called me Steph.

"Albert and I need to catch a flight right away to get to her home in Chicago. The girls are with Mom, but Lisa has the chicken pox and Grandma Mazur has never had it. She old enough that if she got it now it would be too dangerous to her health, so I need you to take care of Lisa for a few days. I'd take her with me, but I need to be with Albert at the hospital, and I can't have Lisa in the ICU or transfer germs to all those sick people." she begged.

"Oooooh no. I'd love to Val, but I can't! I mean, I wouldn't know what to do with her! Isn't there someone else?" I said, trying to not sound panicked.

"There is nobody else Steph. I've never asked you for anything like this before and I know you are a bit inexperienced with babies, but trust me, it isn't that hard. I wrote down some instructions for you, and I know you'll take great care of her." she said as she set down two huge diaper bags slung over her shoulder, and went to drag in some sort of collapsible contraption that was still sitting in the hallway.

"Val! I'm a walking disaster, how could you possibly trust me with your daughter, especially if she's sick?" I squeaked.

"You'll figure it out Sis, you always were great at thinking on your feet. Think of it as an adventure. I know you two will be just fine." she declared confidently, holding the baby out to me. Valerie was pulling out the big guns now...she actually complimented me. Little Lisa's wide doe eyes were staring right at mine, and when she cooed and smiled at me my insides melted. I considered bolting and climbing down my fire escape, but for some reason my arms reached out and took the baby.

"Thank you so much. I'll call later tonight when we get settled in after we go to the hospital. The bottles and instructions are in the blue bag and she should be hungry in about two hours. I've got to run or we'll miss our flight. I didn't have much time to pack her stuff, so the key to our apartment is in the inside pocket in the yellow bag if you need to go get anything." Valerie blurted out as she turned and practically ran out the door.

It was official. My sister has lost her mind, because no sane person would trust me with a tiny infant. I looked at the fragile five month old baby in my arms and then I panicked. I had absolutely no clue what to do next. I walked over to the phone and dialed my mother's house.

"Hello." my mother answered.

"Mom! Val dropped Lisa off, but I have no idea what I'm doing! Help!"

"Oh honey, you'll do fine. I would come by to help, but I just finished sterilizing Mary Alice and Angie so they don't give Grandma germs. We have all got to stay away from Lisa to keep mother healthy, so it's really the best thing. Val told me she left you some very thorough instructions. It isn't that hard sweetie...all they do is eat, sleep, cry, and fill up their diapers." At the mention of full diapers I cringed.

"But Mom, I can't do this!" I begged.

"Stephanie, you don't know it yet, but you have the makings of a wonderful mother inside of you. Every woman has that maternal part of her that just needs to be woken up. You'll do fine. I've got to fix lunch for the girls now, so I'll call later and check on you. You gals have fun!" she commanded, and the line went dead.

I stood there slack jawed, staring at the phone. What was this...trial by fire? Was this a plot by Valerie and my mother to somehow set off my biological clock, like I was going to suddenly go all Donna Reed on them? My fingers frantically dialed Mary Lou's number, but all I got was an answering machine. I considered dialing Lula or Connie, but figured they didn't know any more than I did about babies. It had never been a problem before that I only had the one married female friend with the requisite 2.5 kids, but now I was wishing I'd RSVP'ed to all those wedding invitations and baby showers over the years and sent an expensive gift so I could call in a favor now.

I hung it up and looked down at the warm bundle in my arms in a miniature pink ruffled dress. I noticed that she had a sweet little baby smell emanating off of her, and her chubby little hands were gripping my finger. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. I've surprised myself before, so maybe I could pull this off. Maybe mothering really was wired into my genetic coding or something. I started to feel a rising confidence, but then I heard a tiny cry. The tiny cry turned into a wail. Then the wail turned into a full blown screaming fit. Oh dear God.

An hour and a half later I was trying desperately not to burst into tears myself. My red tank and the top of my jeans were covered in vomit, and the pleasant baby smell had been replaced by its sweet stink. Being covered in someone else's puke was pretty much a normal day for me, but having my ears assaulted with the constant crying was definitely not. I tried everything. Bouncing, walking around, rocking, patting, feeding, burping, and I even tried singing a few 80's love ballads by several hair bands. Nothing was working, and Lisa didn't show any signs of stopping in the near future. My living room looked like Toy's R Us had exploded. There were stuffed animals on the couch, rattles and baby blankets covering the floor, tiny pink clothes all over my dining table, and various items in shades of pastel on my coffee table that I could not identify what in the world they would possibly be used for. My kitchen counter looked like a war zone littered with bottles, cans of formula, measuring spoons and cups, bibs, baby food, and burp cloths. I had left three messages on Mary Lou's machine, each one more frantic than the next, and my mother wasn't answering my calls. My mom was definitely trying to manipulate my maternal urgings, but with each passing moment I became more certain that I should staple my uterus shut. I was approaching the fifth circle of hell, so I made a decision.

I picked up my cell phone and dialed the only other person that I knew could help me. I punched in my number, followed by 911, then waited for my phone to ring. A few minutes passed, which felt like an eternity with the incessant wailing pounding my eardrums. Then with a bang my door flew open, and Tank barreled into the room with his gun drawn, his eyes scanning the room for danger. When his eyes fell on the screaming red-faced baby nestled in the crook of my arm he fumbled and almost dropped his gun. The biggest, toughest man I had ever seen had a look on his face that could only be described as pure terror, and he started to back away slowly as he holstered his gun. "I uh...Ranger called me to check on you and...ummm..I was expecting some trouble..." he stuttered, now rapidly approaching the doorway in a backward retreat.

"Can't you see I've got trouble! She has the chicken pox, and she's been crying for almost two hours now and I can't get her to stop. Nothing is working!" I shouted. I must have looked deranged, because Tank jumped back another two feet and almost tripped over himself trying to back into the hallway.

"Well don't just stand there! Help or something!" I demanded. Lisa's sobbing quieted to a fussy whimper, and I was pretty sure she was gathering strength for her next crying fit. Men were so useless sometimes.

"I'm calling for backup" he said in a choked whisper, scanning the baby items all over the room and his eyes coming to rest on my vomit stained chest. I saw him punch Ranger's number into his cell phone, followed by 911. In about thirty seconds his phone rang and Tank answered it. In an unnaturally high voice he simply declared "You're going to have to come handle this one yourself. It's bad, man. Real bad." and then hung up.

I started pacing back and forth, trying my best to soothe Lisa while we waited for backup to arrive. Tank stood frozen in the doorway, and after about ten minutes a dark figure appeared behind him. Tank stepped to the side, and Ranger stood there poised and ready with a hand on his holster. His eyes scanned the nightmare nursery that my apartment had become, and the worried look on his face transformed into a full blown 200 watt smile.

"At ease, soldier." Ranger announced, and I could see Tank visibly relax in the hallway. They said a few things that I couldn't hear, and Tank disappeared. Ranger stepped into the room and shut the door behind him.

"Babes."

"Help!" I begged.

Soundlessly he crossed the room until he stood about a foot away from me. After he examined Lisa for a moment, his dark brown eyes looked deep into mine. "She has your eyes Babe. It isn't mine is it?" he asked, his eyebrow cocked. I gasped at the insinuation, then heard his chest rumble. Great...Ranger humor.

"This is my niece Ranger! Val's mother in law is in the ICU and they had to fly to Chicago. My Grandma hasn't had the chicken pox before, and with Lisa still contagious my Mom can only keep the other two girls while she's gone. So it looks like Lisa and I are stuck with each other for a few days, but in case you can't tell when it comes to babies I am completely inept here. No one else can help me, and you have a daughter so I figured you were my last hope Obi Wan." I explained. Ranger just stood there for a moment, and as if on cue Lisa revved up and started screaming again.

Ranger swiftly took Lisa into his powerful arms, and nestled her into her chest. He started speaking gently in Spanish, and instantly she seemed to calm down and faded to a whimper. "Babies cry for nine reasons" he explained. "They are cold, hot, hungry, sleepy, colicky, just want to be held, have a dirty diaper, or something is causing them physical discomfort."

I listened carefully, crossing each one off of the list trying to figure out which reason it was. As I mentally checked them off I replied "Wait, that's only eight. What is the ninth one?"

"Just because they feel like it" he answered.

I groaned, and threw up my hands in exasperation. "I think women would be better off if instead of a placenta the baby was followed by a 500 page manual." I stated. I grimaced considering which one would hurt worse. ''Small print and paperback though...''

He continued speaking in Spanish to Lisa for a few minutes, and then advised "Chicken pox causes itching. Check in the bags for calamine lotion." He nodded his head towards the yellow and blue diaper bags sitting on my dining table. I dutifully wandered over and started rifling through the bags, and sure enough came up with a bright pink bottle of anti-itch lotion. When I turned back towards Ranger he had laid Lisa on top of a pastel plaid blanket he'd spread on top of the couch, and he was unsnapping her tiny dress. I kneeled down next to him and helped him work Lisa out of her dress, and we both saw at least twenty five angry red pox on her stomach and legs. He took the bottle of lotion and squeezed a quarter sized circle into his palm, then set the bottle on my coffee table.

I was struck by how gentle he was when he took the index finger of his free hand and dipped it into the lotion, applying it delicately to her itchy bumps. I followed suit, until between the two of us we had turned the red bumps into pink ones. I had felt a little tingle every time my fingertip touched his palm to get more lotion, so I avoided looking at him in case my cheeks turned red. After a minute or two, Lisa stopped crying and began to move her mouth and smack her lips.

"It's a miracle!" I announced, incredibly relieved at the silence filling my apartment.

"She's hungry now that she's comfortable. Won't last long if you don't get her fed." he advised as he wiped the extra lotion off of his hand.

I couldn't have gotten to my kitchen faster if I had been teleported, and I hurriedly tried to follow the instructions for sterilizing and making a bottle of formula. Val had carefully numbered all of the steps, but I had to improvise a bit since there were some strained pea stains on step number six from my earlier failed attempts at getting her to try some solid food. I followed the final step and tested the temperature on my forearm. It seemed about right, so I walked back towards the couch and handed the bottle to Ranger. Instead of giving Lisa the bottle, he held her out to me.

"What?" I asked.

"You're going to feed her."

"Ummm...there was an incident with some peas earlier. Maybe you'd better do it." He didn't respond and continued to hold her out towards me, so I sighed and took her into my arms. I sat down and nestled into the corner of the couch and took the bottle as he handed it to me. It actually wasn't much of a challenge since she sucked at the bottle greedily the second I placed the rubber nipple in her mouth. Ranger reached over and changed the angle of my arms and the way I was holding the bottle slightly, explaining that it would help to minimize the amount of air she took in and reduce the chances of spit up. After a few minutes of this passed I was shocked to realize I was actually enjoying myself. The feeling of this warm contented infant in my arms was rather soothing, and the fact that she was so dependent on me and stared at me with complete trust in her eyes tugged at my heartstrings. I was still planning on that staple gun to the cervix though, since the memory of her crying fit was still very fresh.

I looked over at Ranger and his eyes were locked on the both of us. "You're a natural at this." he commented.

Hardly." I replied. "She'd still be screaming if it weren't for you. I'm barely adequate enough to mother a hamster. I'll need all the help I can to get through the next few days." I paused and sighed, then declared "I'm not exactly ready to punch holes in anybody's condoms just yet." It was a little unnerving how sad I sounded at the statement.

"You seem to pick up things pretty well Babe."

"Yeah, but there is a learning curve involved. I'd like to be a good at the parenting thing before the kid actually graduates college. As it is Lisa will probably have to have a decade of therapy to recover from a few days with me." I sighed.

"You'll surprise yourself. You are one of the few people that ever manages to surprise me." he said, shaking his head. I guess I should take that as a compliment, but I still wondered exactly what he meant.

"Are you saying you think I should reproduce?" I looked at him quizzically.

"Depends on who the father is" he answered, his eyes sparkling. Yikes! I wasn't sure if that was an offer or not, but I still blanched at the thought of my current stud selection. I wasn't sure what scared me more; the thought of mothering another generation of "no good Morelli boys," or raising a pack of stoic boys all dressed in black that called me "Babe" instead of "Mom."

Before I could reply Lisa sucked the last of the bottle dry, and started to get fussy again. "Ummm...now what?" I asked, looking at Ranger.

"Burping," he answered. It was a little weird hearing the word for one of life's cruder body functions come out of Ranger's mouth.

I set the bottle on the coffee table and awkwardly positioned Lisa on my shoulder, waiting for Ranger to correct me. He didn't say anything, but stood up and went to the kitchen, returning with a burp cloth. He placed it over the shoulder where I held Lisa, tucking it under her chin. I patted Lisa on the back a bit, but nothing happened.

"Harder. You won't break her" he offered.

I tried that, and sure enough a very unladylike burp popped out of Lisa, and I felt a little bit of something wet roll down my back. Well, at least now the front and back of my shirt now matched. I removed the burp cloth and tucked her back into my arms, wiping her chin. We just sat there for a minute and I watched her, wondering what she was going to do next.

"Babe. You're looking at her like she's a bomb about to go off."

"I wasn't kidding when I said I don't know what to do next!"

"Well take a whiff and you'll figure it out."

I did, and indeed a bomb had gone off. The stench was so foul that I wanted to run out of the room. The only thing that freaked me out more than changing a diaper for the first time was doing it with Ranger. I got an image of myself standing next to Ranger wiping up poop, and every sexual fantasy I'd ever had about us together suddenly dried up and blew out the window.

"I'll take care of it." I squeaked, standing up and fleeing into my kitchen, taking the diaper bag and changing pad with me. Lisa looked at me and cooed, trying to act innocent, but I knew better. Okay. I could do this. I've done a lot of scary things before. I'd been shot once and almost killed many times, so surely I could handle a little diaper change. As soon as I laid little Lisa down and opened the diaper, I wasn't so sure. The putrid stink that assaulted my nostrils was beyond belief, and I started to gag. I managed to recover quickly by breathing only through my mouth. A sideways glance revealed a noxious substance that bore the consistency and color of what I imagined nuclear waste must be like, so I tried not to look directly at it in case it burned my retinas or anything.

"Gross!"

"You okay in there? Need help?" Ranger voiced from the other room.

"We're fine. Hunky dory. Fantastic!" I replied. I doth protest to much. Keeping my head turned away, I removed the offending diaper and opened the box of wipes. I think I used about ten of them, if you didn't count the ones I used to scrub my own hands afterwards. I took the baby powder and shook it over her rear end liberally. That part wasn't so hard since I had previous experience at the Tasty Pastry with powdering the donuts with sugar. Getting the new diaper on wasn't as easy, since she kept rolling and moving her legs around. I managed to wrestle it between her legs with one hand, and hold her steady with the other. I wasn't sure which side was the front and which was the back, but they looked alike enough that I figured it couldn't matter that much. The little stick 'em thingamabobs weren't that hard to do, and before I knew it she had a clean diaper on. I looked at her stunned, and I think she looked a little surprised too. I'd done okay, aside from the gagging part. I managed to use only the tip of my thumb and index finger to throw the dirty wipes and soiled diaper into a spare plastic grocery bag and tie it off. I left her dirty clothes off for the time being, and decided I'd disinfect the countertop later.

I picked Lisa up in one arm, and the plastic bag o' fun in the other and headed out to the living room. My door was halfway open, and I saw Tank's hand come through and throw a brown paper sack across the room, landing directly next to Ranger on the couch.

"What did Tank just grenade toss at you?" I asked.

"The five hundred page manual." Ranger replied. He opened the sack, and held up a paperback of _Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care. _I looked at him with puzzlement.

"Almost everything I've learned has been because of a good teacher Babe. Dr. Spock is the best." he explained.

"I've never been a very good student Ranger. I'm better as a bounty hunter, or a mother apparently…which isn't saying a lot."

"You changed a diaper." he challenged.

"Well, I have my moments. Tank, quit hiding in the hallway and get in here!" I yelled at him through the door he was rapidly trying to close.

"No way!" I heard him shout through the door.

"Coward." Ranger accused, with slight amusement in his voice.

With that the door flew open with a bang, and a very angry looking Tank stood in the doorway.

"Relax Tank. You don't have to stick around, I think we've got a grip on things now. But I do need you to take this out to the dumpster" I said, holding out the plastic bag. I've never seen a black man turn pale before, but I guess it's possible after all. He took a step back, so I decided to take Ranger's tactic and told him "C'mon Tank, don't be such a weenie!"

He grimaced at me, but I just rolled my eyes and held the baggie out. He gingerly plucked the bag out of my hand, then hustled off quickly down the hallway, not even bothering to shut the door. Never underestimate the power of a good eye roll. I closed the door and turned to Ranger and asked "You said he was Special Forces right?"

The corners of Ranger's mouth twitched in a suggested smile. "I've seen him less flustered under heavy fire."

I walked with Lisa into my bedroom and looked out my window at the parking lot, and I felt Ranger walk up behind me. Below, Tank was running full speed towards the dumpster. He tossed the bag in from twenty feet like Michael Jordan on steroids, then bent over and grabbed his knees trying to catch his breath since he'd been holding it. I started to laugh out loud, and to my surprise, Ranger threw his head back and gave a rare full blown laugh.

I turned to him still laughing, and our eyes met. Seeing Ranger's face so lit up was blinding…the man was beautiful. The laughter stopped and time stood still. His eyes darkened, and he leaned in and kissed me. It wasn't the hard and lustful kiss from the night before, but a gentle and passionate one. His lips lightly brushed over mine, and one hand moved to my waist while the other ran through my hair. Lisa rested in my arms between us, babbling soft baby noises. A tender feeling wrapped around me like a warm blanket, and I never wanted the moment to end. Unfortunately, Ranger's hand got hopelessly tangled in my hair. We broke the kiss, and after a minute he managed to get his hand free.

"You have some strained peas in your hair."

"I was accessorizing. It matched the baby urp on my shirt." Ranger just shook his head, and gently took Lisa into his arms.

"I'll watch her. Go take a shower."

"Thanks." Seeing him holding my tiny niece in his arms made my heart melt. I took a mental snapshot and hoped that I would always remember this vision of the muscled soldier standing in backlit shadow, framed by my bedroom window cradling a baby. This was a version of Ranger I had never seen before, and I felt privileged to witness it.

I didn't stay in the shower for too long, though the thought of the incredibly hot Cuban in the next room while I stood there dripping wet and naked was enough to make a girl want to whip out the shower massager. I changed into a pair of thin cotton drawstring pants with a matching pale pink tank with lace edging that I'd gotten a few months ago. They were very comfortable and a little sexier than boxers and a T-shirt, but still decent enough to walk around in. They were technically pajamas, but since it was now almost five PM and something told me I wasn't going out for a night on the town I figured I might as well be comfortable. I put my still wet hair in a ponytail, and tucked the wet ringlets that escaped behind my ears. When I came out into the living room Ranger was pacing back and forth cradling the baby in a blanket, gently rocking her in his arms. She was getting fussy again and whimpering.

"She's tired, but she can't sleep because of the itching."

"I'll get the calamine lotion" I offered.

"Better idea. Look in the sack."

I reached my hand in the sack that Tank had tossed with the baby manual, and pulled out a box of oatmeal. "Ummm... we just fed her though."

"For mixing into the bath. Trust me." he replied.

"Don't I always follow your advice?" I asked. I was sorry as soon as I said it, and he just stared at me with one that maddening eyebrow of his raised.

I sheepishly turned and slunk over to the dining table and fished an inflatable gizmo with suction cups on the back out of the yellow bag. I wouldn't have known what it was except for the big yellow post it note Valerie had stuck on it that said "for bathing." Next to it was a bottle of baby shampoo. I had to give her credit, she thought of everything. I blew it up, and saw that it was shaped like a teddy bear and was designed to cradle the baby perfectly. I went to the bathroom and drew a bath, very careful to get the temperature to what I hoped was just right. I grabbed some soft washcloths, and suction cupped the inflatable teddy bear in. I turned to call out to Ranger to let him know I had the bath ready, but he was already standing in the doorway watching me.

He had already removed the diaper and baby blanket, and had Lisa ready to go. He handed me the oatmeal box, and I opened it and shook a fair amount of it in the water, looking at him for approval. He nodded while I swirled the flakes around in the water, then knelt down beside me. I cradled her head as we placed her into the warm water together, raised up on her air cushion. Not a word was spoken, and we both proceeded to soap and rinse her with the washcloths like this was something we had done together dozens of times before. She giggled and splashed her pudgy hands around, and she seemed soothed by the unusual mixture in the bathwater. I gave her a final rinsing, and Ranger reached for a clean towel. He held the towel open, and I lifted Lisa up and placed him into her arms.

As he bundled her up in the soft towel, the warm and tender feeling I'd had before overwhelmed me. I leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips, cradling his strong jaw in both of my hands. He stiffened a bit at first, but then relaxed and his lips moved over mine. I leaned backwards and looked at him again, and I felt as content as Lisa, who appeared to be drifting off to sleep in his arms. I gave him a last kiss on the forehead, then went into the living room to get another diaper ready and figure out where to lay her down to sleep.

I prepped my kitchen counter with all of the diaper changing tools like a surgical nurse preparing for open heart surgery, and Ranger came up next to me and laid her down onto the changing pad. He disappeared into my living room, and I could hear the noises of him trying to work the large collapsible contraption Valerie had wheeled in earlier. Since she was sleepily acquiescent and there were no toxic substances from an old diaper to worry about, putting this fresh one on was a breeze. She offered no resistance when I pulled on her little pink pajamas with feet, and I snickered as I snapped up the sides when I realized that we matched. Except that my pajamas didn't have feet or little bunnies on the lapel, but we looked pretty cute together nonetheless.

I came into the living room, and Ranger grinned at me as I approached. I wasn't sure if it was the matching PJ's or his pride at unlocking the secrets of the combination playpen/changing table/bassinet that now stood fully assembled near my front doorway. I laid her down in the bassinet, and Ranger produced the pastel plaid blanket and tucked it down around her. She wiggled a bit, but then settled in for what I hoped was a long nap.

We had been standing next to the bassinet for a few minutes now watching her and not saying anything. "Now what?" I whispered at Ranger, careful not to wake her up. My stomach chose that moment to rumble loudly, protesting the lack of an encore after this morning's pop tarts. One corner of his mouth twitched, then he disappeared into the kitchen. I could hear him ordering some Chinese food, and my stomach growled appreciatively at the notion.

I plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV, but kept the volume really low. After flipping around a bit, I found "The Mummy" had just started. I wasn't sure if Ranger even watched movies, but I figured that if he did it would be an action flick. The character that Oded Fehr played bore a striking resemblance to Ranger, though I was pretty sure the one that just sat down on the couch next to me was the sexier of the two. We watched the movie in silence, and with the volume turned so low I became exceedingly aware of his every breath or movement. After a while, he leaned over and picked up the file I had on my coffee table, careful to slide it out from under the assorted baby paraphernalia scattered across the top. He read the workup on Marvin Petrie, and I saw a momentary flicker of anger in his eyes. It occurred to me that his daughter was around the age of the girl Petrie had molested.

He set the file back down after perusing it for a few minutes, then rose and went to the front door. It struck me as a little funny that I was always waiting to see what he would do next just like I was doing with Lisa. He smoothly opened my front door, revealing a surprised Chinese food delivery guy with his hand poised to knock. How did he do that? Ranger silently put his index finger to his lips, then pointed to the baby. The delivery guy nodded in understanding, and a silent transaction followed that left Ranger carrying two bags of wonderful smelling Chinese take out to my dining table. We divided up the food, steamed vegetables with chicken in ginger sauce and steamed rice for him, and sesame chicken and egg rolls for me with a side of fried rice. Good thing we were being quiet, so that he wouldn't give me his usual "...that fried stuff will kill you Babe." I was glad that he at least ordered something I could eat.

I smiled at him appreciatively as I dove into my dinner, and we continued to watch the movie in silence. When we finished we both walked into the kitchen to throw away all the empty containers. When I passed by him to go back into the living room he grabbed my waist and pulled me in close.

"Thank you." he said simply, as I stood there perplexed.

"For what?" I asked.

"For bringing back memories of my daughter when she was a baby. I don't have as many as I would like." he answered, his face blank but I could still make out a hint of sadness in his voice.

Ranger had only brought up his daughter to me the one time, and I felt honored that he had opened up to me about it. Well, not exactly opened up, but at least let me get a glimpse of the more ordinary man behind the Kevlar body armor. There was so much I wanted to know about that, but I figured if he wanted to tell me he would, so I didn't pry. The comment he had just made was now the second thing he had ever revealed to me about his personal life, and I hoped the shock wasn't showing on my face.

"I'm even gladder that you're here then." I said sincerely, silently curious about what had kept him from his little girl when she was an infant. "But Ranger, I should be the one thanking you for all your help tonight."

"Welcome." he responded. A minute passed and he didn't let go of my waist, and he just stood there staring intensely at me. I wasn't sure what to say or do and my heart started fluttering, so I took my usual tactic of changing the subject.

"Why is a man as huge and powerful as Tank so afraid of something as small and harmless as a baby?" I asked. I didn't really expect an answer.

A deadly serious look slid onto his face and after a minute he replied "Men who've seen what we have, done the things we have had to do...sometimes the only thing left that scares you is getting close to something so pure and innocent. You don't want to taint it, hurt it, ruin it. You want to leave something so beautiful just as you found it, full of hope and light. It makes the darkness easier to face knowing it's still there."

His eloquent and sudden speechmaking left me reeling. I knew he was referring to things that I had no understanding of, and wasn't sure I wanted to know about. But the way he was looking at me gave me a strange feeling he was talking more about how he felt about me than Tank and Lisa. I looked right into his dark brown gaze with intensity of my own and answered, "I may never understand that Ranger, but all I know is that whatever you've seen or done in your lives you both still remain good men. Courageous, strong men with integrity and compassion and I feel fortunate to know you. I trust you completely. Besides, no one can remain innocent forever."

Ranger pulled me in close and held me tightly and rested his chin on the top of my head, and I stood there in his warm embrace for what felt like an hour, listening to his heart beat in his chest and feeling it rise and fall with his breath. His body burned my skin everywhere we touched and I had the urge to kiss him, but his embrace was so strong that I couldn't move. He continued to hold me tightly, his muscles tense. It was like he didn't want to let go, but didn't trust himself or me to be free to do anything else. It was moments like this I really wondered what he was thinking, but his chin rested on my head and I couldn't see his face. Hell, it would probably be blank anyway. The man was a mystery, but here I was wrapped in his arms and never wanting it to end.

The phone rang. I was happy where I was and really didn't want to answer it, but Ranger released me abruptly and disappeared into the living room. It was Valerie calling to check in, and I told her we were doing fine and not to worry. Mary Lou called back after that, and she explained that she had been out all afternoon and just now checked her answering machine. Turns out that her youngest hadn't had the chicken pox either, and if he got it now she might have to reschedule the trip to Miami. I told her in that case she should stay far away, since I was not going to let anything come between me and my long awaited vacation. I promised to call for advice if I got into a pickle, then said goodbye and went to check on Lisa and Ranger.


	10. Nightmares and Nannies

CHAPTER 10

A couple of hours had passed, and I gently laid Lisa back down in the bassinet. Ranger had left a half hour after our conversation in the kitchen to go to a surveillance job. I smiled remembering his final words of advice on child care: "Feed, burp, change, sleep. Repeat." He assured me that he would be back to check on us and gave us each a kiss on the forehead before he left. As he walked out the door I had a moment where it was strangely easy to imagine Ranger as my husband, and Lisa as our baby. That was an image I had never been able to conjure up for any man I'd ever been with, not without running out of the room screaming anyway. The whole evening had been so blissfully domestic. Did I just put blissful and domestic in the same sentence? I must really be losing my marbles now... that usually brought words like "drudgery" to mind.

The time I'd spent with my niece tonight may not have set off my biological clock, but it did remind me that I still had one. I was pretty sure that I wanted a baby...someday. At the very least I wanted the option. I knew I couldn't be a typical Burg wife though, so surely I was deluding myself. I would have to surrender to domesticity at some point to be a good mother. Wasn't that part of the equation? Was that what Joe was alluding to yesterday? Was that what he wanted me to think about and, gulp, talk about Saturday night?

I sighed and surrendered to playing housewife for at least the rest of tonight, picking up the baby paraphernalia exploded across my apartment and disinfecting my kitchen counters. Before Ricardo came home and told me that I had some 'splainin to do. I wonder what he would do if he came back to find me with short red hair, pearls, and a flouncy polka dot dress asking him how his day was and what he'd like for dinner. I snickered at the thought. I hoped he would shoot me and consider it a mercy killing.

I sat down on the couch and picked up the Dr. Spock book, and skimmed for a while. I realized that it answered any question I could come up with, so I dog eared all the important parts I could find and put a bookmark in the table of contents and index for quick reference for the next few days. I must have dozed off on the couch around 11:00pm somewhere in chapter six, and the next thing I knew I felt my body being gently lifted up into the air in a set of strong arms.

"Hmmmm..." I mumbled sleepily, drinking in the scent of Bulgari and man that I knew to be Ranger.

He didn't say a word, but carried me in the dark and laid me on my bed, helping me to draw the covers up over myself. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was a little past two in the morning. He kissed me on the forehead as my eyelids slid shut again, and then I felt the mattress sink on the other side of the bed. I heard the sound of him removing his shoes and gun belt, and then felt his movements as he stretched himself across the top of the covers. I rolled over and opened my eyes to look at him, and was struck by how handsome his profile was as he laid next to me in the dim light. I had the strong urge to touch some part of his body while I slept to feel connected somehow, so I took my hand and rested it on top of his chest. He placed his hand over mine, and we both fell into a restful sleep.

I woke a couple hours later to Lisa's cry right before dawn. I moved to get out of bed and check on her, noticing that Ranger was no longer beside me, so I headed towards the living room. My feet froze in my bedroom doorway when I saw Ranger standing there shirtless cradling Lisa against his skin, whispering soothing words in Spanish and repeating "...sleep querida," as he walked back and forth in the entryway rocking her in his arms.

The warm, tender feeling was there again, but it was suddenly replaced by a crushing pain as reality hit me. His life doesn't lend itself to relationships. His love didn't come with a ring, remember? I was kidding myself if I got sucked into this fantasy where one day I would walk in and find him cradling our child like this. It was a beautiful scene, but it was just my niece and I could only enjoy it while it lasted because it would be over soon. It hurt too much to look at what I couldn't have, so I turned to go back in the bedroom. A part of my mind wondered why it upset me so much as I laid down and wiped the tears that threatened to pour. I tried to sleep, but couldn't.

Fifteen minutes later the noises from the living room quieted, and I heard Ranger step into the room and lay back down on the bed. I laid there motionless with my back to him. His hand reached over and rested on my waist, and I didn't mean to but I stiffened at his touch.

"What's wrong Babe?"

"Sorry. I'm jumpy. Bad dreams." I lied. It was true that I'd been having nightmares, but just not tonight.

"Tell me." His hand kneaded the exposed skin at my waist, his thumb making soothing little circles. I sighed and decided to tell him. The dreams had been going on for weeks, and maybe telling someone would make them go away.

"It's always this small windowless room with a dirty concrete floor. I can't move well. There is this rancid smell…like rotten meat. The smell of rotted beef is so strong in the dreams I feel nauseated….it's so real. I feel an overpowering thirst and hunger. I feel like I've been trapped in there for a while and I'm terrified. The door opens, and he comes towards me but I never see anything more than a shadow. My maroon dress...it turns to blood. I'm naked and he reaches out to me. There is nothing I can do to stop him. I usually wake up before he starts touching me." I felt a chill come over me as I described it out loud for the first time. "It's silly I guess. I don't know why I keep dreaming about it. Thanks for taking care of my niece just now." I pulled the cover up over my shoulder, and pretended to go to sleep.

Ranger pulled the cover back down and slid in close to my back, and buried his face in my hair. I sighed. Enjoy it while it lasts right? I listened to him breathing, and I fell asleep again, with his arms wrapped around me.

When I finally woke it was almost ten am. I sat bolt upright, full of panic that maybe I'd slept through Lisa crying. I rubbed my eyes and looked over to the other side of the bed. There was no Ranger, but a note on the pillow and a set of keys.

_Morning mission completed; _

_Fed, burped, changed. _

_She takes after you when it comes to sleep._

_Working, but call if you need anything._

_Something for you in the parking lot._

_~R_

Wow...for Ranger this note could be considered a novel. I went to the window and looked out to my parking lot, and sure enough I spied a shiny new black Ford Aerostar van. Great...now I was going to look like a soccer mom instead of a bad ass bounty hunter. I almost preferred the Buick. Almost.

I went in to check on Lisa and she was actually awake in her bassinet, babbling contentedly to herself. She looked up at me wide eyed as I approached, and gave me a drooling grin. I smiled back, and realized that the feeling of panic and not knowing what to do from yesterday was gone. I felt like I could handle this. I wasn't exactly sure what to do with my day though, since skip tracing was out of the question. I didn't think that Val and Albert would be too happy with me chasing some drunk guy and rolling around in garbage with their infant strapped to my back. Of course, if most men reacted like Tank did to a baby then they would probably go peacefully. I could just hold the baby out instead of a gun, or threaten to throw one of her diapers at them.

On cue, my stomach grumbled and told me it was time for breakfast. I decided to oblige, since Lisa would probably start demanding my full attention any minute now. I tossed some toys in the bassinet to keep her occupied while I went to my kitchen to graze.

The cupboard was bare since I'd pillaged the pop tarts yesterday, and the only items in my fridge were a bottle of mustard, some butter, stale bread, and a half empty jar of grape jelly. I could be creative when it came to food, but a moldy grilled mustard and jelly sandwich did not sound appealing. The empty bottle of Gerber pears told me that Ranger had made sure Lisa ate breakfast, but a trip to the grocery store would obviously be first on the schedule for the day since formula and strained vegetables wouldn't cut it for me. Unless they made strained donut. I got dressed in a clean pair of jeans and an old green tank top, just in case we had another pea incident. This was my version of camouflage. I made a spare bottle, and packed up the diaper bag with all the necessary supplies. It was amazing how much stuff a baby needed...the kid had to travel with luggage everywhere she went! I checked on Lisa, who she was awake and playing with a rattle I'd handed her. She didn't appear to need tending to for any of nine reasons at the moment, and I said a little thank you prayer and hoped it would last for the grocery store trip. I changed her into a turquoise jumper with a matching ruffled shirt and headed out the door hauling her bulging diaper bag with me. I had to set it down in the elevator since it was so heavy the strap was cutting into my shoulder.

The vehicle Ranger had loaned me was still a van, but it almost made up for it by being decked out in true Rangeman style with GPS, a kick ass stereo, a shiny black paint job, and butter soft leather seats. It also had a little yellow caution sticker on the rear window that said "Baby on Board." Cute...he thought of everything. But the best part was the child seat in the back strapped in and ready to go. I'd actually forgotten about that, and Val hadn't brought hers. Thank goodness for Ranger, otherwise I'd be under house arrest. I decided to call and thank him for my freedom.

"Yo."

"Thanks for the van. Not your style at all. Hope you didn't have to drive it over...that could ruin your reputation."

"Worked for the A-Team. Tank dropped it off an hour ago."

I was shocked that Ranger just indirectly admitted to me that he had ever watched television, or even had a childhood. It had always been hard to picture him doing normal things since he always revealed so little about himself. I couldn't think of another show he would have been more likely to watch when he was young though...it fit him. "Well thank Tank for me too. I would have been trapped in my apartment without the infant carrier."

"My men can set up a full command center in the middle of a rainstorm in under thirty minutes, but it took Tank, Bobby, and Lester five hours to purchase, assemble, and install that thing." he said, and I could picture the corners of his mouth twitching in a grin.

I snickered, but I was also touched that all the guys would go to that much trouble for me. "I guess it's a good thing I don't need them to pick out a breast pump or discuss the merits of different shapes of rubber nipples." I replied.

"I'm unavailable the rest of the week. The guys will check in with you and make sure you have everything that you need."

"I really appreciate all the help."

"No problem Babe." and he hung up. Well, no goodbye today, so I guess the other night was a one time performance. I wished I'd had a video camera to capture that historic moment. Maybe I'd erect a plaque in the parking lot to memorialize the one time Ranger ever demonstrated an appropriate phone salutation.

I loaded up the van and we made it to the grocery store without a hitch, but when we pulled into the parking lot Lisa started to get fussy. I noticed her smacking her lips, so I climbed into the back and unstrapped her while I fished a full bottle out of the diaper bag. She was in my arms and sucking greedily in less than a minute. I heard a knock on the van window, and was startled to see Lester. I don't know why it surprised me, since Ranger surely had a tracking device installed on all his vehicles. I managed to free one hand and slide the van door open, and there he stood looking very hunky in his tight jeans and Rangeman T-shirt with a huge smile on his face. His arms were crossed over his expansive chest muscles, and his biceps bulged like they were about to rips the seams of his sleeves. He was well tanned and his dark brown hair was in a military style flat top, with a very well groomed mustache and goatee framing his strong jaw. His dark skin was of unknown ethnic origin, but like the rest of them he came from planet handsome. Every guy that worked for Ranger seemed to step out of some alternate universe looking like a finely sculpted hunk of man, but out of all of them Lester was the one that gave Ranger a real run for his money. I bet I could make a pretty penny if I took some snapshots and sold a "Ranger and his Merry Men" calendar around Trenton.

"How's it goin' gorgeous?" he asked, expanding his sexy smile.

"Well, she's just finishing up brunch and then we'll see if I can manage to get some grocery shopping done. You here to check on me?"

"I've been dispatched on Bombshell duty for the next two hours, so Lester Santos, at your service." he said with a bow and a flourish.

"Oh really?"

"Yup...and thrilled to do it too. I get hazard pay." Lester winked.

I shook my head and decided that as long as he was here I would put him to work. "Okay then daddy for the day, grab me a burp cloth out of that diaper bag on the floorboard. It's white and looks like a woven cotton towel with a double lined strip in the middle."

He started digging the bag. "You know, I'm pretty impressed with how you upstaged me the other night. I checked my watch and you had those guys out the door in five minutes flat. You are such a sluuuuut!" he joked.

"Gee…umm…thanks?" I answered with a grin. It was nice to have what few talents I had appreciated. He found the burp cloth, and whipped it out like a rabbit from a hat and looked very proud of himself. Men...any domestic chore they perform is followed with that 'do I get my medal now?' look. "Okay, lay it over my right shoulder, with most of it going down my back." The man followed instructions well though.

Lisa had stopped sucking on the bottle and was wriggling in my lap, so I set down the bottle and laid her on my shoulder and started patting. Like clockwork, she ripped a loud belch with a little bit of urp as well. Lester looked appalled. I had him go get a cart to load up while I wiped Lisa's chin and made sure none of the spit up was on my shirt or hair, and he taught me how to detach the carrier portion of the infant seat and secure it to the front of the grocery cart. Apparently, his job last night was to read and interpret the user's manual.

Lester carried the diaper bag and pushed the cart behind me as I threw an assortment of items into it. Every now and then I would look back and see Lester's finger wrapped in Lisa's chubby grip, and him making silly faces to get her to giggle. It was downright adorable. He even bravely guarded the cart when I had to make an impromptu run to the ladies room to perform a diaper change. It is kind of hard to shop for food with a dirty diaper wafting a noxious odor through the grocery aisle. Lisa kept tossing her toys out of the cart and Lester dutifully picked them up every time. I would have to be made out of stone not to check out that incredibly fine ass of his every time he bent over. After all, his tight jeans framed it so beautifully. It was like a carved granite sculpture. I swear I'm not a sex maniac...I just appreciate fine art. I'm sure I always lick my lips when I'm at a museum. Not that I go to museums much. But I bet my nipples would get hard in the Post-Impressionists section or something. Unfortunately when she tossed her rattle for the fifth time in the frozen foods section he caught me staring.

"See something you like Bombshell?" Lester asked with and a sexy grin.

"No! I was just trying to figure out what to have for dinner!"

"Oh I bet you were..." he said with a wink.

I promptly graced him with a Hungarian hand gesture.

"Not in front of the baby!" Lester mockingly gasped, and shielded her small eyes. I gave him my best eye roll and opened the glass freezer door to pull out a few pints of Ben and Jerry's. Something told me I was going to need it.

The whole trip took a lot less time than I thought it would, and I was infinitely grateful that Lester was there to help. He carried all the groceries upstairs, and it would have taken me multiple trips since I couldn't leave the baby unattended and I would only have one arm free. The man carried five bags in each hand like they were a stack of feathers. He helped me put the groceries away, and I made us both some sandwiches while Lisa slept soundly. He left soon afterwards, but made sure to give us each an affectionate smack on the forehead before walking out the door. I definitely liked Lester. He still had that Rangeman tough exterior, but like I was starting to discover, they were all just big teddy bears. He was definitely the funny guy in the group and wasn't afraid to be a little goofy to get a laugh, but could turn serious as a heart attack at a moments notice when it came to the job. While we were eating he had told me a little more about himself, and that he had met Ranger when he was his team leader in the Army on several missions overseas. He had been an Olympic hopeful in track and field in high school, and enlisted when he only made alternate and his focus on sports had hurt his academics enough to make his college options narrow. Lester's specialty had been intelligence gathering and tactical planning, and he had excelled in sniper school. He was pretty laid back, and a lot more talkative than Ranger. But then again, wasn't everyone? His wit and charm told me he was a ladies man, who was still waiting for the right woman to sweep him off his feet. So far the only gal that had managed to steal his heart appeared to be Lisa, judging from the look on his face when he was moving her from the carrier to the bassinet. He promised he'd be back to check on us soon, and I had no doubt that he wouldn't be able to stay away.

Since I had nothing else to do while Lisa slept, I went ahead and got out my luggage to start packing. It was only Wednesday, but I figured a little preparation wouldn't hurt. Besides, I would be busy enough trying to finish up any last minute skips once Val came back. Speaking of which, I figured my next errand for the day would be to stop by the office and let them know why I wouldn't be working for the next day or two. After Lisa woke up from her nap and I put on some calamine lotion and she had another bottle, then we loaded into the van again and headed to the office.

As I pulled up, a black Bronco pulled up behind me and out stepped Tank. The Bronco bounced back and the front end rose up almost a half foot as he exited. The man was only a few inches shy of seven feet tall and was so bulky with muscle that I wondered how he didn't accidentally crush everything he touched. But after last night, I didn't find him quite so intimidating. The memory had me grinning, and continued to unsnap the carrier and load up the baby gear to go inside while Tank wandered up next to us. I could see the afternoon sun glinted off of his shaved head since he kept his eyes glued to the sidewalk. The man was obviously nervous.

"Yes Tank?" I said while shoving the rattle Lisa had tossed onto the floor in a diaper bag.

"Ummm...I brought you a highchair. Ranger said you needed one to hold her when you fed the baby solid food, so I spent the morning picking one out and putting it together. It's in the Bronco." he offered, lifting his head slightly to gauge my reaction.

"Thank you so much!" I said sincerely, giving him a huge smile. He raised his head to look at me full on, and relaxed his posture when he saw my face.

"I really appreciate it Tank. I would also appreciate if you would help me carry this bag in...my back is starting to hurt since all the kiddo's gear outweighs her by a ton. He dutifully lifted it off my shoulder like it weighed nothing, but held it out a foot in front of him the entire time like he was afraid it would bite him.

As I walked in Lula and Connie did a double take and looked at me, then Lisa, then Tank, then me, then Lisa, then Tank...

"Hey guys. I'm stuck babysitting for my sister for a couple of days, she had a family emergency. Just dropping buy to let ya'll know I won't be chasing any skips around for a bit."

"She's adorable!" Connie exclaimed, leaving her desk and coming over to fuss over the baby. Lisa locked her eyes on Connie's tremendous cleavage, and reached out to squeeze them.

"No, no sweetie. This cow is dry." Connie and I laughed. Tank looked mortified.

Lula came over to play with the baby, and Lisa's eyes moved to the hot pink snakeskin spandex tube top and matching pink hair Lula was sporting. Her eyes grew wide with surprise. Yeah...I'd been there before. "Vinnie's not here right now, but he ain't gonna be happy when he finds out you babysittin' and ain't working, then run off to the beach for a week."

"Well, just tell him it was a family emergency. Last I checked he was still a Plum, and if he tries to make an issue of it he'll be getting a call from my mother."

"Oh that'll put the fear o' God into him alright." Lula agreed.

"I got a few papers I need you to sign before you go out of town girl." Connie asked.

"Sure." I realized that would be a little hard while holding the baby on my hip, and just then a brilliant idea popped into my head. I winked at Lula, and she looked back at me quizzically.

"Hey Tank, hold the baby for a sec while I sign some paperwork." I said casually while holding her out to him. He jumped back a foot and almost tripped over the couch. You would think I'd just touched him with a red hot poker.

"Uh...but Bombshell? What about Lula?" Tank desperately whined.

"I'm busy filing. Can't you see I got work to do?" Lula snapped, and I could tell she was trying not to smile. She definitely had figured out what I was up to.

"For the love of God Tank!" I huffed. "Didn't they teach you demolition in the Army? If you can handle explosives you can hold a baby. The same rules apply...don't drop it."

"Big brave man like you scared of a tiny helpless baby. Well if that don't just beat all." Connie clucked while Lula shook her head and gave Tank an accusing look. Ranger and his Merry Men weren't the only ones with ESP.

Tank frowned, then slowly set down the diaper bag. He reached out his giant hands till they were about an inch away from Lisa, and she just looked at him blankly and drooled. He seemed really unsure of himself, so I coached him on where to put his hands and to be sure and support her head. I told him to pretend she was a football and he was going for the touchdown. This seemed to make sense to him, and before I knew it I stepped back to see the giant muscled mercenary holding Lisa, who now seemed much smaller than before, cradled against his massive chest. Connie, Lula, and I all sighed and gave an 'awwwww' in unison. A big dopey grin grew on Tank's face as he looked down at the baby. Yup. It was love at first sight.

"She's so small..." Tank said in a quiet voice that was filled with wonder.

Connie, Lula and I all looked at each other with raised eyebrows. You would think the man had gotten over things being smaller than him by now, but it sure was sweet to see him so affected.

"Yo Mama must of been an amazing woman to birth to your ass. You probably weighed 20 lbs. brother." Lula exclaimed.

"My Mama was over six feet tall and one of the first black players in women's college basketball." he beamed proudly.

"That explains a lot, but I still hope they gave her painkillers." Connie grimaced. Tank just chuckled, and Lisa followed suit and gave an adorable giggle. Surprise crossed Tank's face, then he melted into a wide eyed portrait of utter tenderness and devotion.

"If I didn't know better I'd say he could pass for somebody's baby daddy." Lula said with the same shit eating grin all of us were now wearing while we watched the scene unfold.

After signing the paperwork I let Tank carry Lisa out and strap her into the van, and he followed me back to the apartment so that he could carry the highchair in. He wound up staying for another two hours, and kept Lisa busy while I did some final laundry to make sure I had enough clothes for my vacation. As it turned out, Tank had five brothers and sisters but he was the youngest of all of them. His father had been a plumber and electrician, and had worked his way through trade school doing construction. Apparently he and Tank were almost the same size, so I imagined his ability to do heavy lifting put him at a distinct advantage. He'd grown up in a bad part of Philadelphia, and joined the Army when working construction and helping his father out for a couple of years wasn't getting him anywhere. He was immediately recruited for Special Forces, and having picked up some technical skill from his father they turned him into an explosives and weapons specialist. Guess he really did learn demolition in the Army. He also did a little bit of interrogation, seeing as how his size gave him the advantage when it came to intimidating the enemy. He had met Ranger during the paratrooper evolution of their Special Forces training, and was a couple of years older than him or the other guys. Their meeting consisted of a yelling match between the two since their parachute cords had tangled in mid air. They were each blaming the other for not reacting quickly enough to the sudden wind change, which had caused the accident that nearly claimed both their lives. Fortunately they had untangled it some and caught enough wind as they approached the ground that they were able to direct their fall into the water and hit at a rate of a speed that was just shy of deadly. After an all out fist fight on the muddy shore, their drill instructor made them each hug each other in front of the group and say they were sorry, then they had to hold hands while going through the obstacle course. I would have paid money to see that. Tank said that Ranger was the first guy that had ever had the balls to pick a fight with him, and despite their rough introduction he liked him immediately. They had been like brothers ever since. Before leaving, Tank made sure I knew how to use the high chair, and he promised that he would be back to check on me and "his girl" soon. The man was shaking in his boots when he was within ten yards of her yesterday, but now he was a total cream puff. Ranger was going to ship me off to a third world country when he got back and found out I'd turned his men into complete softies.


	11. Bonding with Bobby

CHAPTER 11

Lisa took a nap for almost two hours after that, so I watched TV and gave myself a facial and touched up my manicure and pedicure. Right as Lisa was waking up I heard a knock on the door, and sure enough Bobby was on the other side. I opened the door to find the smiling ex-soldier carrying a bulging paper grocery bag and a stuffed grey toy seal in the other hand.

"Howdy Steph! Heard some crazy lady gave you her baby and skipped town." he greeted with a sexy smile. He looked absolutely irresistible standing there in worn jeans that molded to his body, and a dark green muscle shirt. He definitely had the muscles for it. He was younger than the other guys, and had a more slender build with a very wiry and well defined musculature wrapped around it. He moved with a certain smoothness and grace that the other guys didn't always have. Bobby had sun bleached blond hair that was short and wavy, but trimmed close to complete that All-American male look he projected. I decided to sneak a snapshot and call him Mr. July.

"Hey there Bobby. Yeah, she must of been crazy to leave a baby with me, but nothing's blown up yet. Come to keep me company and help babysit?"

"You betcha! And I also brought some dinner fixin's. And this, little lady, is for you." he said as he handed the stuffed seal to Lisa's outstretched hands.

Turns out Bobby can cook. He made some of the best fajitas I've ever had, with fresh guacamole and a side of black beans and Spanish rice. He even helped me feed Lisa her dinner of green beans and chicken, which were really just two cans of pale green and tan goop. But she seemed to enjoy the half of it that actually made it to her mouth. I know I enjoyed mine...this was definitely a top button unsnapping kind of meal. I settled into the couch while Bobby cleaned up the dishes and stored the leftovers, and I stayed busy trying to keep Lisa occupied in my lap. Something about Bobby just made me feel instantly comfortable around him, like I'd know him years before this. I guess sometimes you can just click with a person, and I regretted that I had never really gotten to know any of Ranger's men until now. Their intimidating image put a lot of people off, which I guess was somewhat intentional.

"So how did you learn to cook?" I asked casually.

"Well, someone had to, so I just figured it out." he answered, his voice sounding sad.

I waited for him to finish the dishes and he came in a sat down beside me. "So there was no one else to feed you?" I pried. I wasn't sure he would tell me the answer, but I was just too curious after hearing some history on the other two of Ranger's main men.

"Not after my sister disappeared. My Dad worked two jobs after my Mom died when I was ten, so he wasn't around a lot since he had to support us. We lived in the poor part of South El Paso only two miles North of the Rio Grande in Texas. My little sister was only nine but she became the lady of the house, and did all the cooking. We were real close." he said sadly, looking me straight in the eye.

"I'm so sorry Bobby. What was her name?" I was so touched and saddened by his sudden admission, and I reached out and touched my hand to his.

"Tara. She just disappeared without a trace right after her 15th birthday. Just like hundreds of other women who live in El Paso and just across the border in Juarez since 1993. They estimate anywhere from 400-600 women, and they nicknamed Juarez the capital of murdered women." he rattled off casually, though I could tell from his tight posture this subject matter was anything but casual for him. 

"My God, how come I've never heard about this?" I said, stunned.

"You tell me. Long story, but it has hasn't gotten all of the attention it deserved. It's only in the past two years that groups and government agencies started working together on it and the killings slowed down. They suspect that it may have to do with Mexican drug lords, but there also may be some serial killers and random killings mixed in."

"That is so horrible, and so wrong that more wasn't done! I don't know how a person can go on after something like that." I stated with incredulity.

He shrugged his shoulders. "You don't have a choice, though everyday you still carry it with you...the pain and the constant wondering about what happened. The faint hope that they might find the body. The part of you that is glad they never did, so that you'll never have to know what they did to her before she was murdered. But also to feed that the little illogical part of your heart that has deluded your mind into believing this fantasy that one day she'll show up at your door alive and well.'' Bobby sighed and slumped his shoulders in defeat, looking a decade older than he did a minute ago. I squeezed his hand tighter.

''I was very angry for a long time, and I just had to get out of there because everyday I had to walk by her empty bedroom, and as much as I wanted to hunt down who had taken her I knew I was no match for the heavily armed and trained men across the river. My Dad hurt his back and was only able to work one job at that point, so I was doing manual labor after school to help keep our house. I didn't have any money leftover and no real way out, but the Navy recruiter was just up the street. I didn't even change out of my cap and gown before signing up." he explained.

"I didn't know you were in the Navy. I just assumed you met Ranger and the guys in the Army like Lester and Tank did." I replied.

"Naw. I was a Navy man, a S.E.A.L. I got my wish and was heavily armed and trained. My anger and determination made me go pretty far. Special Forces in different military branches often work together on major missions, and so I did meet the guys overseas on an Op. I thought Ric was one cocky bastard. But of course, we all were. We kept trying to one up each other, but ultimately he won the pissing contest when he hauled my ass to safety after I'd been shot twice. Jerk. I'm still trying to show him up." he chuckled. Men sure were mysterious creatures.

Lisa was starting to fuss, and so I put her down on the floor on a baby blanket and surrounded her with some toys to keep her occupied. I looked up at him, in awe of what he had accomplished after such struggle and loss. "I'm honored that you trusted me enough to tell me that Bobby. I've always liked you, but I admire you even more now knowing what you've been through. I can only imagine how much you must miss her." I tried to keep the single tear from sliding out of the corner of my eye, but had no luck.

Bobby stood up, hauled me up by my arms till I was standing only inches from him. "I've always liked you too. You remind me of her. She had that same fiery personality. Stubborn. Full of compassion. Beautiful." His blue eyes stared straight into mine, and he leaned his head down and kissed me. His lips brushed mine lightly, and his calloused hands gently brushed up and down the outside of my arms. I got goose bumps, and I tenderly moved my lips back across his. My hormones started doing the fox trot, having been wallflowers for several months now. After a minute he broke the kiss, and groaned in frustration.

"Tempting...but I don't think this is the best way for me to show up Ric." he stated.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!" I exclaimed.

"Your turn to share pretty lady. So what is going on between you and Captain Clueless?" he said as he plopped down on the couch and hauled me into his lap. "Tell Uncle Bobby all about it." he said with that irresistible smile.

"You are so demented!" I said with my arms crossed and my tongue sticking out at him. I was feeling a little confused at the moment and my hormones were running in circles, so being childish seemed like the thing to do.

"C'mon now. I know you wanna talk about it." he said with an eyebrow cocked.

"I would love to pour my heart out about it, but frankly there's nothing to say." I answered.

"Why is that?" he asked.

"Because I have no freaking clue what is going on between us, and I never have. He is an incredibly attractive man, and he comes on to me on a regular basis. When he does I get all freaked out because I don't know what he wants from me. A stolen kiss here or there and a constant animal attraction are not the stuff relationships are made of."

"Okay. Do you know what you want?" he asked.

"I don't know. Every time I find myself wanting to take it further I have no idea what I would be getting myself into. The man reveals almost nothing about himself. I mean, I trust him and have so much respect for him, but I know next to nothing about his personal life or his history. He never reveals what he's thinking, and most of his life is a mystery as he just comes and goes like smoke. How could I have a relationship with him if he won't share himself with me?" I asked in exasperation.

"So you want a relationship with him?" Bobby asked with a grin. Damn. The man was good. He made it so easy to talk to him, and I was honestly relieved to have someone who knew Ranger so well to confide in. I was sure he knew Ranger much better than I did anyway.

"The thought has crossed my mind...a lot. I guess I'm just the relationship sort of girl. But he's made it pretty clear that isn't possible. He flat out told me his life didn't lend itself to relationships after we...ummm... well... He also told me to go back to Morelli and that his love doesn't come with a ring. That doesn't leave much room for debate." I replied sadly, with those damn tears welling up again.

Bobby's eyebrow cocked again. "So you think it is possible?"

"I guess that depends on him, but he is not really giving me anything to work with. He just up and disappears afterwards and tells me to go back to Joe, damn him! Believe me I tried, but Joe and I can't ever seem to work things out. He offers me all the things that Ranger doesn't, so I don't know why I can't seem to be happy with that. It always blows up in my face."

"Things do have a way of blowing up in your face, little one." he chuckled. That got him a smack in the arm.

"I mean, I don't want a normal Burg life. I never have. But I do want to get married again someday if it's right. And being with Lisa these past two days...well...I do want to be a mother, even though I'm not sure how good I'll be at it. This is what I want, but can I have it? With who? I go around in circles and never seem to get a good answer. My life feels like that a lot, like I am going around in circles."

"You'll be a great mother someday Steph, and any man would be honored to have you as their wife." he said, brushing my hair back behind my ear.

"I hope so. But the thing is, if I want a husband and a family, at some point I have to quit going in circles. I have to make a decision, and I'm scared about how soon that will be."

"You have plenty of time for that though." Bobby declared casually.

"You men always say that!" I said, throwing my arms up in the air and jumping out of his lap. I turned to face him, suddenly angry. "I turn 31 on Sunday. I've been reading this Dr. Spock book this week and the statistics are scary. Charlie Chaplin may have had kids in his 70's, but I only have about four more years to have at least one child. It takes nine months if you recall, and an average of six months of trying, and it would be nice to date a while and then be married for a bit before all that reproduction. If I want to have more than one it would be a good idea to have a break between them instead of popping them out like Kleenex. If a woman has a child after the age of 35 her chances of having a healthy one drop dramatically and the chances for miscarriage or infertility skyrocket. If there are infertility problems, it can take years to get pregnant and by then it's too late. My sister already has three kids, and all I have is this lousy apartment that gets broken into regularly, a borrowed car from 1953, a job that I'm not much good at that has people shooting at me occasionally, one man who only seem to want pieces of me but not the whole, and a second who wants me if I straighten up and fly right. Or rather don't fly at all. I don't seem to have a whole lot of options left here to have a family of my own someday." I yelled.

"Calm down gal." Bobby said, standing up and taking me into his arms.

"I'm sorry Bobby," I sniffed. "I don't mean to sound like a ticking biological time bomb here, it's just that life will force me to make some tough decisions in the next couple of years if this is ever going to happen for me. Joe loves me, and I think he wants to marry me. Part of the reason I'm so freaked out is that he's taking me out for my birthday Saturday night and said he has something 'special' planned."

"Oh boy." Bobby said with an air of impending doom.

"Yeah, tell me about it. He told me to think about our future. Honestly, I've been avoiding thinking about it all week. Joe is probably willing to offer me a home, a family, and love me for the rest of my life...all handed to me on a silver platter. He's a good man with a lot to offer. So why does the thought of taking him up on it terrify me so much?"

"Are you afraid it won't work out?" he asked.

"I guess. I don't know if I can be the kind of wife he wants, and I already have one divorce under my belt with The Dick. I don't want to throw kids in the mix. We fight so much as it is."

"About what?" Bobby inquired.

"Well my appearances in the daily news are exactly good for his career. He doesn't see my job as appropriate or important, or a career at all. He doesn't respect it, or my ability to do it. He is always worried about me staying safe and not getting hurt, but seems to forget that he happens to be a vice cop, which is pretty damn risky as far as jobs go. He won't share with me about his work. Somehow it's okay for him to be married to the job, but I have to give up mine to be married to him. I find myself wondering what else will I have to give up to marry him. Maybe he's right though. I can't do this forever. I'm going to get old like everybody else, and one day I'll probably be just like my mother whose purpose in life is to worry about her children and spoil the mess of grandchildren crawling all over her lap. Maybe I should give this up now to have something better in the future. People weren't made to be alone Bobby. In the end they all want a family somehow, even the ones who say they don't." I sighed.

"You're right Steph...most of them do. I do. But you don't really want to give up your job, right?" he asked.

"Well, I don't know if it is just the job. I don't know if I want to give up my independence. I want to do something that is important that I can be proud of, and something that is exciting and challenging. You know, I went to this sales and marketing class that E.E. Martin sent me to back when I was a lingerie buyer, and the teacher started off every class by asking how everyone's week had been. One of the other students was a woman in her 30's with two kids, and all she had to say about her week was that she and her husband hired a babysitter so that they could go out to dinner. She went on and on about how unsatisfactory her baked potato was, and how she had to speak to the manager about it. Ten minutes about a fucking potato. I remember thinking to myself, if the most interesting thing I have to say about my life when I'm her age is to complain about the poor quality of a baked potato, I hope I get hit by a bus and put out of my misery."

"Don't worry darlin'. If that ever happens, I'll run you down with a Hummer myself." Bobby chuckled.

"Thanks Bobby, you're so sweet." I smiled and pecked him on the cheek, then plopped back down next to him on the couch. "So I'm not the best bounty hunter in the world and I roll around in muck and have to manhandle disgusting smelly skips on a regular basis. The thing is, when I wake up in the morning I get this little humming feeling in the pit of my stomach, wondering what is going to happen next. When I haul a skip in handcuffs into the station I feel proud of myself…like what I just did matters. Somehow if I was busy baking muffins or quality checking plastic buttons all day long I don't think I'd feel the same way."

Bobby laughed and replied "I can see your point. You shouldn't have to give that up little one."

"Sometimes I think life would be easier if I could. But I guess I just wasn't put together that way. When I was little I jumped off of the garage convinced I could fly."

"I jumped off a water tower once." he smiled. I snuggled up next to him and threw my arm around his shoulder.

"So great minds think alike then." I grinned. "So what do you think I should do? Joe or Ranger or d-None of the above?"

Bobby sighed and pulled me back into his lap, wrapping me in his strong arms and holding me tightly. "You two are made for each other you know. You are both completely clueless." I remembered his earlier epitaph of 'Captain Clueless' in reference to Ranger. I wondered what he meant, but something told me that he wouldn't tell me if I pushed. He'd managed to extract all my secrets in a matter of minutes, but I doubted he would delve much further into Ranger's privacy by giving me his full assessment of the situation.

I wasn't sure how to respond, so I just wrapped my other arm around him and squeezed back. "Well at least if I die old and alone with nothing but my twenty cats to mourn me, at least I'll be able to fantasize about the time that I got to hug a hunky blonde guy from Texas once."

Bobby threw his head back and laughed at that one. "You know, all those cats would get hungry after a while if you died alone and no one missed you. They'd probably eat you!" he said in mock horror, with his eyes wide and eyebrows raised.

"Gross!" I giggled. I was definitely going to stick with a hamster now though, just in case. Bobby and I played with the baby for another hour, and he gave me a hug and brotherly kiss on the cheek before he left.

The next two days of foster parenting went pretty much like the previous ones, except Lisa was in a better mood and less fussy since her itchy pox were starting to heal. Mary Lou told me about a "Mothers Only Matinee" at the local theater, so all the stay at home moms can bring their screaming infants to a movie without the other angry patrons asking them to leave. That kept me occupied for at least two hours. The rest of the time Lester, Tank, and Bobby dropped by and kept me company throughout the day, though there really wasn't much help I was needing at this point aside from some short break relief so that I could nap to recover from an early morning feeding. I was doing pretty well at this whole childcare thing between me and Dr. Spock. Despite the daily visits and bonding sessions with the boys, I was starting to get restless and I was surprised at how much I missed my job. Fortunately I had gotten a phone call from Valerie Thursday night to let me know that she would be flying back late Friday afternoon.

The boys also helped out by grabbing three of the new skips that Vinnie had intended to give me, which I'm sure was like shooting fish in a barrel for them. But for whatever reason, I kept Petrie for myself. I was determined to finish this one, distasteful as he was. Hopefully I would have just enough time late Friday or early Saturday to catch him, finish packing, and have my dinner date with Joe. I was sure that one reason I was so restless was that I had way too much time to worry about what Joe was planning to discuss on Saturday evening since I didn't have work to distract me. I kept flashing back to my conversation with Bobby Wednesday night and my stomach would fill with butterflies.

Friday afternoon around 4pm Lester helped me loaded Lisa and all her gear into the van, and I headed off to the airport to pick up Val. Lisa squealed in delight as soon as she approached, and reached her hands out as far as they would go. Valerie plucked her out of my arms and swung her around, kissing her belly and calling her "snookie wookums." My arms suddenly felt so empty. I sighed, wondering if someday I'd ever have a baby reach out for me like that from across a room. I was struck by how ambivalent I felt. On one hand I was relieved to pass off Lisa and have my life back, but on the other hand I was going to miss her like hell. Seeing the confusion that must have shown on my face, Valerie started to speak.

"Albert will be flying back next week. His mother made a surprising recovery, and he's staying for just a few more days until she gets moved into the rehabilitation ward." she explained, thinking she had handled my unspoken question.

"So glad to hear it Val." I said sincerely.

"So how did it go? Really?" Val said, with a raised eyebrow.

"It went fine. I had to call for some backup, and suffice to say Lisa now has a solid fan club of three giant muscle men. I'm really going to miss her though, I was just starting to get the hang of this whole Aunt thing." I said.

"I bet you were, Sis. Don't worry though, someday you'll have one of your own to fuss over." she said with a warm smile.

"I do hope so Val. But swear to God you won't tell Mom I just said that." I declared with stern eyes.

"Cross my heart and hope to die." she promised, with a knowing look. Valerie and I didn't always get along or understand each other that well, but something told me we had just built some strange bridge of sisterhood and that things would be a little different from now on.

The ride home was uneventful, and I dropped Valerie off at her house. Mom would be bringing the girls by in a few hours, so I unloaded the van and gave Lisa one last kiss on her chubby cheeks and she cooed at me. When she smiled and reached her arms out for me to pick her up, my eyes got all wet. Val was thrilled about the new highchair and car seat, and promised to call me occasionally to babysit Lisa so I wouldn't go into complete withdrawal. I made her promise again not to tell Mom about it if she did. Before I left I used her phone and managed to weasel out of my birthday dinner at Mom's house, explaining that the family emergency had put me so behind at work that I needed the evening to get caught up, and still had some packing to do before tomorrow night's date with Joe. She relented after I alluded to the dinner date with Joe the next night, as long as I promised to come over for a belated celebration after I got back from my vacation.

On the way back to my apartment I heard an irritating alarm sound coming from my radio and the words "emergency news broadcast." I turned it up to hear an announcement of an Amber Alert from Allentown, Pennsylvania. I'd read something about these a few weeks ago…it was a new program to help notify citizens by radio and TV when a child abduction occurred. The announcer said that a seven year old girl named Libby Kramer had been abducted from her home sometime after she went to bed last night. It gave some details, and said that she had short curly red hair, fair skin with freckles, and was last seen wearing a lavender Hello Kitty nightgown. Around 11:30pm a neighbor had heard the high pitched whine of a loose fan belt and the sound of screeching tires as a vehicle left the area quickly. The police only found an open window and muddy footprints, with few clues as to who could have taken Libby and where they might have gone. They were broadcasting the Amber Alert to neighboring states as investigators had reason to believe that there was the possibility of interstate movement. The only lead was that a short man with bushy black hair and a full beard was seen walking through the alley around 10:30 that night by a neighbor taking out the trash. I shivered at the thought of who would do such a thing, and pictures of Mary Alice and Angie popped into my head. I sighed and turned off the car and said a silent prayer that someone out there would find Libby before it was too late.

After I got back home I was kicking myself for forgetting to call back Petrie's probation officer. He'd never called me back and now it was almost six pm and I bet they were all off for the weekend. I tried calling Petrie's house again and there still wasn't an answer. Guess I would have to go out there myself and see if I could grab him. I changed into a black V-neck tee shirt and jeans, loaded up my purse, and headed out. It was with some regret that I bypassed the van and got back into Big Blue. Not very stealthy as far as cars went, but hopefully this Petrie guy would be an easy catch. I drove down to an older area of Chambersburg, where the row houses were pretty run down and the paint was peeling. I pulled up to Marvin Petrie's address and saw that it was a beige house that was in a worse state of disrepair than the rest. It was starting to get dark, so I decided not to waste any time and walked right up and knocked on the door. No answer. I looked in the front windows and couldn't see much in the waning natural light except an old television sitting on top of a rickety card table, a beat up recliner with masking tape patching up a hole in the side, and several computers overflowing a large desk in the middle of the room. None of the house lights were on and there were no signs of life.

I wandered around the back and hopped the fence, and there was nothing much to see there either. The lawn was a little overgrown, and a look in the back window showed a dilapidated kitchen. There were no dishes in the sink. The only odd thing was a long row of shelving above the dishwasher that had a large collection of porcelain dolls, many of which looked very old. I looked in the dirty windows of his garage, and didn't see any cars inside. So far I was not having any luck, so I knocked on the neighbor's doors to see if I could get any information. No one appeared to be home, except for one elderly woman who said she had never noticed him much or spoken with him, and had no idea where he might be. I decided to stake the place out for a while, and by the time 11pm rolled around I had nothing to show for it but frazzled hair from French braiding it five times out of boredom, and my ass was asleep. I decided to try again the next day, and get a good night's sleep since there was no baby to wake me up at six am screaming for a bottle. The only other reason I would ever wake up that early was when Ranger forced me to go jogging. The thought made me smile, and the weird thing was that a part of me hoped he would.

I did wake up at six am to screaming, but it was my own. I'd had the dream again, and this time he started touching me and smearing the blood all over my body before I managed to wake myself up from the nightmare. After I pulled myself together and realized I was alone in my bedroom, somehow I could still feel his hands on me and I shivered and curled the blanket tightly around my body. I tried to go back to sleep, but to no avail. Eventually I gave up and went to take a shower, and get rid of the icky feeling. I felt refreshed and surprisingly alert after my shower, and so I went to fix myself a bowl of Frosted Flakes. After my healthy breakfast, I turned on the news and read over Marvin Petrie's file looking for more clues. The news was a rehash of the Amber Alert I'd heard on the radio last night, and they had a picture of the little girl but no more leads. I knew how the investigators felt about not having any new leads. There wasn't much to go off of in Petrie's file. The guy had no friends or relatives. Definitely no girlfriends, since he preferred to molest little girls. My mother was right...some maternal part of me had definitely woken up, and I wanted to catch this bastard and put him back in jail where he belonged.

Frustrated about Petrie, I resolved to finish packing for the next couple of hours, since after all I was going on vacation tomorrow. I could hardly believe it, and I started to feel excited about the chance to get away for a while. Maybe it was my golden opportunity to do some serious thinking about the direction my life was going, and make some hard decisions so that I wouldn't feel like I was going in circles. Better yet, maybe I should just lie on the beach and get tan and drunk on margaritas, and not think at all. I decided that I was definitely going with Plan B.


	12. Searching for Answers

CHAPTER 12

I had finished all my packing and headed back to Petrie's house. It was several hours later and I was no closer to finding him. I'd talked to every neighbor I could find and had no clues except that every weekend he seemed to disappear, but no one knew where he went to. Everyone agreed that he kept to himself and wasn't very sociable, and a couple of them said he gave off a creepy vibe. I'd never met the man in person, but I had to agree.

I learned that he drove an old '74 Oldsmobile Cutlass that was painted a dark metallic eggplant color and needed a lot of work. One of the elderly neighbors went on a ten minute rant about how loud that huge car engine and exhaust was, and how it the woke him up from his afternoon nap every Friday when he pealed out of the driveway. I figured a 455 cc engine would have to be pretty loud, having experience from the huge gas guzzling V-8 engine in the Buick. He declared the thing to be such a disturbance of the peace that he had half a mind to go shoot that damn squealing piece of junk and put it out of it's misery. He said that this week was the first time that the car hadn't woken him up, because he heard it leave late Thursday night instead. So I knew where he wasn't, but with only about eight hours to find him before my date with Joe I needed some sort of lead. I picked up my cell phone and dialed.

"Yo."

"Hey, I hate to ask for help after all you and the guys have done for me this week..."

"But?"

"But I have one day left to catch this Petrie slime ball, and it appears he has some other property nearby that he heads for every weekend. Do you have anyway of searching to find out where he might go?"

"I'm still out of town working, but I can have Hal search the database to see if he rents or owns any property, but that might take a while."

"Anything you can get me is good. I'm running out of leads and time here."

"No problem. What do you have?"

I gave him the guy's full name and date of birth and any other details that might help, and said he would relay the information and call me back if they found anything. I pulled out a map and set a five mile perimeter around Petrie's house, and spent the next hour and a half driving systematically through the area looking for a classic, dark purple, beat up Olds Cutlass. The only thing it got me was another trip to the gas station to fill up the Buick. It was just after noon, so I decided to grab some lunch and see if I could think of anything else. As I munched on my fries and chased it down with diet cola, my mind went back to that shelf full of dolls in Petrie's kitchen. It was a considerable collection, and he had to get them from somewhere. I remembered passing a large antique store about two miles away from where he lived, and decided to go there next.

As I walked into Nanny Granny's Antiques I sneezed several times from the decades of dust hidden amongst the merchandise that was absolutely overflowing from every available shelf and surface. Everywhere I looked there was something interesting that caught my eye, and I felt like I had stepped through time. I wandered around and found myself wondering about the history of certain pieces, curious about who had owned them before they wound up here. A woman in her 60's walked up to me as I approached the counter. She looked like she had put her makeup on in the dark during an earthquake, but she had a friendly face and smile. Her lipstick was bubble gum pink, she had a giant teased bushel of curly grey hair that was obviously bleached blonde to within an inch of it's life, and there was a Marlboro Slim cigarette perched between her lips that looked to be a permanent feature. She wore a "World's Greatest Grandma" tight T-shirt that was embellished with rhinestones, huge gold hoop earrings, and cut off jean shorts that I wished were cut off about a foot further down. She looked a chain smoking, flat chested version of Dolly Parton on a bad day. A real bad day.

"Can I help you honey?" she said in a 2 1/2 pack a day voice.

"I'm here to find out if you've seen this man." I explained, holding up his picture.

"Yup, that'd be Marvin. He comes in here at least once a month for the almost a year now. Nice man. Quiet, but he sure loves his daughter."

"Daughter?"

"Yeah, he buys her a new doll every month. He buys almost every one I get in, but he also has other stores ship 'em to me. You see, I do a little restoration on the side. The porcelain is usually alright, just some crack repair and touch up paint usually. But the clothes need some more advanced work. People always leave them where the sunlight hits it coming through the window, and before you know it the outfits are all faded and the lace comes undone. Moth holes are harder to do too, but he pays me to fix all of it. Antique clothing restoration is my specialty." she beamed with pride.

"What did he tell you about his daughter?" I asked, a lump forming in my throat. I knew from his file that he had no children.

"Said he doesn't get to see her often, but visits her every chance he gets on the weekends. Marvin said she ought to be coming to live with him soon, so he's finishing getting her room ready. He was here Thursday morning in fact. Had three dolls he had a rush order on to have them ready in time. Seemed real excited." She looked at me quizzically.

I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I forced myself to relax. I was over reacting. My guy didn't fit the suspect description and Allentown was a long drive from here. Abductors usually knew the child in some way and lived close by. Still, I had a nagging feeling that wouldn't go away. "Did he tell you anything about where he was moving his...umm...daughter to?"

"Well, I know he lives nearby. But he has a place on a couple of acres on the far edge of town, said that is where he keeps his collection. I reckon he's gonna move out there since that's where he keeps all the dolls." she said.

"Do you know where this place is?" I asked.

"No honey. You look a little nervous...what are you looking for Marvin for? He in trouble or something?" she asked with a puzzled look.

Since she thought he was a nice guy devoted to his daughter, I decided to play along with it so I wouldn't arouse any suspicion and lose her cooperation. "No, I'm just a private investigator hired by the attorney of an estranged relative. Seems he's come into an inheritance, but I need to speak with him and verify his identity and residence so that we can make the arrangements." Good one Stephanie! The estranged relative with the fat inheritance check bit works every time.

"Oh, well then! I wish there was more I could do to help you then. That's about everything that I know, he always picks up the dolls in person and the only address I have for him is the one just up the street." she offered kindly.

"Okay, well let me write down my name and number if you think of anything else." I went up to the counter and grabbed one of the pens and wrote my cell phone number down on the back of a fast food receipt I found floating in my purse, since handing her one of my 'Vincent Plum Bond Enforcement' business cards would blow my cover.

"Honey, would you mind doing me a favor right quick?" she asked me with a grandmotherly smile.

"Sure, what can I help you with." I asked, figuring she needed help getting something off of a high shelf.

"Well, you see, I don't get many pretty young ladies with your nice figure in here. I've got this beautiful antique dress from the 50's that I just finished restoring, and it's been here a month and isn't selling. It's a beautiful piece, but doesn't look like much on the rack. I really would love to see it on someone, and if I could get a picture of you in it maybe I could sell it on Ebay or something. Would you mind?" she asked.

Her request surprised me, but I was glad to oblige. This was probably the one chance in my lifetime that I would be offered a modeling job. I walked to the back of the store with her, and followed her into a side room. I gasped when I saw the overflowing racks of clothes from every generation imaginable. One of the tags on a petticoat showed it was from 1910, and there was a collection of hot pants and psychedelic dresses from the 70's on the far wall.

"Wow." I said, stunned.

"You ain't seen nothing yet honey. Here she is!" she declared, holding out a white satin dress towards me. I stopped breathing. It looked exactly like that dress Marilyn Monroe wore in the famous picture where she stood over the sewer grating in the street, and the steam was blowing her dress up while she tried to hold it down. The fabric was so delicate, and had a permanent pleating pressed into it. There was a large antique diamond brooch in the center at the bottom of the deep V that was the attention grabbing neckline. It was a total fantasy dress.

I tried it on without hesitation, and my heart almost stopped when I saw myself in the full length mirror. I didn't even notice that my bra was sticking out an inch above the bottom of the V neck. The pleating made it extremely flattering, the wide band in the middle made my waist look itty bitty, and it fit me perfectly. I turned and the skirt flared out and twisted and around my legs gracefully, thanks to the gauzy underskirt beneath the satin. Not since my majorette uniform in high school had I felt so much like twirling around in circles. I had to have it.

"Don't worry about Ebay. I'll take it." I declared, smoothing my hands over my hips.

"This dress was made for you dearie. I'll even give you a discount." she said with a smile. Something told me she had never planned to put the dress on Ebay. She probably didn't even know how to turn a computer on.

After buying the dress I drove around the outskirts of Trenton, looking for a dilapidated 74 eggplant Cutlass. Not surprisingly, I didn't find anything. I also dropped by several other antique stores, but no one remembered him when I flashed his picture. I finally gave up and headed back to my apartment, since there were no more leads to follow up on until Ranger called me back. I had only two and a half hours until my date with Joe at six pm, and time was running out. With nothing else to do, I hopped in the shower and started getting ready.

Thanks to Alexander's miracle cream an hour later my hair was a vision of elegant curls cascading down my shoulders in shiny ringlets, with a few shorter ones framing my face. I had let my hair grow out for a while now, so it was down to my mid-back. I did a second round of fake tanner, and used up a free sample of Opium perfume that I had picked up at Macy's. It took me thirty minutes just to pick out the underwear, because the selection all depended on whether I expected Joe to be pulling them off of me with his teeth tonight. A Morelli induced orgasm had been long overdue, or any orgasm for that matter. I really did need to get laid. I was too pent up, and surely it was bad for my health. But if I slept with Joe tonight after our much anticipated conversation, what would I be committing myself to? Damn. Why couldn't I just use men for casual sex? It would be a lot less complicated. But no, I had to actually have all those dopey morals and stupid thoughts of love and intimacy and commitment. I figured that I would let fate decide. If Ranger didn't find anything the night would be free. If I did get a lead I could leave and make some excuse about the early flight in the morning, and take off to find my skip before he had a chance to give his 'daughter' those last dolls.

That decision being sort of made, I settled on a pair of delicate white undies that were made out of wide bands of a detailed lace. I selected a matching front hook white lace bra that had low cups that left most of my breasts poking out of the top, and the middle of the bra wouldn't be visible in the low V neck of the dress. It wasn't until I picked the bra out that I realized I had unconsciously decided to wear the antique white satin dress tonight. I squirmed uncomfortably while staring into my underwear drawer, wondering what the hell I was doing dressing up and wearing a white dress to meet Joe for a "talk about our future." What if he actually did propose for real this time? What would I say?

I stood there mulling it over and thinking back to my conversation with Bobby for quite a while, but the answer didn't come. I guessed I would just deal with it if it happened. I handled most things in my life by flying by the seat of my pants, so why should this be any different? I should at least hear him out and see what he had to say. We had been together a long time and I owed that to him. I sighed and slipped into my underwear, and was shocked to see that the clock read almost 5:30pm. Joe would be here in a half hour. It hit me that if Ranger called me back with an address I would need my car so that I would be able to leave quickly and have more time to hunt for Petrie.

"Hey there Cupcake." Joe answered on the first ring.

"Hey Joe. Listen, I've run into a small snag. Would you mind if I met you at the restaurant?" I asked him, hoping he didn't want to know why.

"I guess we could do that. Why?" he asked, of course. He was a cop after all.

"I have a last minute errand I need to run. I think I accidentally left my airline tickets at Val's house, and if I don't take care of it now I'll be distracted all night." I lied. I was so good at coming up with lies off of the top of my head that I scared myself, and felt a little guilty doing it.

"I can drop by and pick them up on the way over for you." he offered.

"No that's okay." I blurted out, my voice sounding unnaturally high.. "I may have left it crammed into a side pocket on one of two diaper bags, and it'll be easier to find it if I search myself." I lied again. This was an evil talent I had.

"Diaper bags huh? Okay Cupcake, whatever you say. Meet me at Avatar as soon as you're done."

"Avatar?" I repeated, shocked.

"Nothing but the best for my lady. See you soon."

"Be there as soon as I can Joe. Bye." Avatar was downtown, and was the fanciest, most expensive restaurant in Trenton. It was attached to the only four star hotel in the area. So I had heard. I had never been there or thought I would get the chance to. This was a place where you made reservations a week in advance. My hands were shaky.

I couldn't paint my nails with my hands trembling, but the manicure and pedicure I'd done a few days earlier with a pale pink polish was holding up nicely. I tossed a couple of grapes and hamster nuggets in Rex's cage, and went into the bathroom to do my makeup. The self tanner had set evenly on my face, so I didn't need any concealer or base. Instead I put a shiny bronzer on, and the effect was stunning. I looked like I had just finished sunbathing on Rio de Janeiro, and my cheekbones stood out much more than usual. I used a kohl pencil on my upper and lower lids, and smudged it well to make my eyes look dramatic. I put a smoky grey shadow on my outer eyelid, a deep purple accent above the lid on the outer edge, and frosty beige on my inner eyelid and right underneath my brows. After blending it with a sponge and swiping on some mascara, my eyes looked fantastic. After a bit of blush and a light pink glossy lipstick I declared my makeup done. The pale lipstick made my tan look even better. I looked myself over in the mirror, and I looked about as good as I had ever seen myself.

I went into the bedroom and put on the white dress, which slid onto me like it was custom made. I was afraid to go look into the mirror again, because if I looked as good as I thought I did I might chicken out and wear overalls to dinner. I opened up my jewelry drawer and it wasn't hard to decide what to wear. After all, this was a Marilyn dress. Diamonds were a girl's best friend and I needed to match the costume jewelry brooch that was on the dress. The only diamonds I owned was a set of earrings that were willed to me by my late grandmother on my father's side, and a small diamond pendant I had bought myself at Macy's after I got my first job at E.E. Martin. The earrings were several square cut diamonds strung together in a straight line that dangled off of my earlobes. The necklace was a round cut mystic fire topaz that reflected a myriad of colors in the mostly clear stone, and it was surrounded by a ring of square cut diamonds on a delicate silver chain. I finished it off with a fake diamond tennis bracelet in a silver setting that matched the other pieces and cost about $20 at an after Christmas sale. I seriously doubted anyone at the restaurant would be walking around with a magnifying eyeglass checking the authenticity of my jewelry. I spied the rings in the corner of the drawer, and slammed it shut. Not ready to think about that yet.

I tossed the pink lipstick and my pocketbook into a small silver metallic purse, along with my cell phone. I slipped on some silver strappy three inch sandals, then I took a small duffel bag and threw in some tennis shoes and socks, some black jeans, a black T shirt, a taser, pepper spray, a set of handcuffs, a Maglite, and Petrie's file. I went to the cookie jar and opened it, but shut it just as quickly. Not ready to think about that either. I grabbed both bags and went downstairs, tossing the duffel in the trunk and my purse in the passenger seat. As I climbed in I realized that the dress and the Buick were made at the same time, and this would probably be the only night of my life that the powder blue behemoth was actually stylishly appropriate.

I pulled up to the front of Avatar, which was apparently complimentary valet parking only. A uniformed man took my keys and handed me a ticket, and whistled appreciatively at the car. What was it with men and that car? I turned to enter the restaurant, and saw that there was actually a red carpet leading up to the gold gilded doors. Yikes. I wondered if they would let a gal like me into a classy place like this? I guess so, since another uniformed man opened the door for me and welcomed me. I walked into the entry and was struck by a very large tropical flower arrangement on a carved mahogany claw footed pedestal in the center of the marbled lobby, dwarfed by the giant crystal chandelier that hung a few feet above it. I clutched my purse tightly and walked to the hostess stand, getting more anxious by the second. I was greeted by a slender woman in her thirties with perfectly coiffed blonde hair in an upswept French twist, and wearing an expensive looking black suit and white silk blouse. The nametag said Tiffany, and I bit my tongue hard to suppress a nervous giggle.

"You must be Miss Plum. Follow me, Mr. Morelli has taken the liberty of ordering drinks and an appetizer for you. Right this way." she said with a polite smile.

It was all I could do to walk in a straight line after her. The place was immaculate, with white tablecloths everywhere, fresh flowers at every table, and fine china glinting at every setting. Everyone there was well dressed and rich looking, and I bet they could probably fit my entire apartment in their closets. The hostess stopped in front of a table for two, but I didn't see Joe. I looked around, but then realized the man standing in front of me _was _Joe. He looked incredible. He was wearing a black silk Italian pin striped suit with a pewter shirt, and the athletic cut showed off his delicious body perfectly. His tie had thin grey and black diagonal stripes held in place by a diamond tie tack, and he looked like he could have owned the place. His black hair was cut short, like he just had a haircut, and he was so clean shaven that I couldn't see any shadows of his usual stubble. He had always been a handsome man, but right now he looked like he'd stepped off of the cover of a magazine. It was all I could do not to throw him down on the pristine white tablecloth and have my wicked way with him in the middle of this four star restaurant. I bet they frowned upon that though.

Joe reached out his hand and I followed his cue and put my hand in his. He raised it up to his lips and kissed it, and I wasn't sure what swooning was but that was probably what I did. The waitress told us that we made a lovely couple, and said our waiter would be with us shortly to let us know the chef's specials for the evening. I nodded silently, my throat suddenly dry as a bone. Joe took my hand and pulled me close to him, his other hand reaching around my waist. He leaned in close to my ear, and the intoxicating scent of his aftershave had my knees growing weak.

"Stephanie, you look absolutely beautiful tonight. You're stunning, and I am the luckiest man in Trenton." he whispered huskily in my ear.

"I think I'm going to need to sit down." I croaked back. "You're not so bad yourself sailor, but you keep laying all your best moves on me and I just might faint."

"Well then Cupcake, allow me." he said with a flourish as he pulled out my chair for me.

I plopped down in the chair and scooted up to the table, then set my purse on the floor after picking my jaw up off of it.

Joe sat down across from me and gave me a sexy smile. Before I could say anything, a waiter showed up with our drinks. His name tag said 'Gustav, Avatar Sommelier,' which I guess made him a wine expert since he rattled off information and characteristics of the bottle of white wine he was opening. He could have been speaking in another language for all I understood. He actually had Joe smell the cap and taste it first to make sure it was acceptable, before pouring me an entire glass, then filling the rest of Joe's. I tasted it, and it was exquisite. I was no wine expert, but this had layers and layers of flavor that filled my senses with just the slightest sip and made me want to linger over every drop. Gustav left the opened bottle in a golden ice filled bucket on a stand near Joe before he left, advising us to let it breath for about fifteen minutes to achieve the fullest flavor. I was thinking I might need to stop and breathe for fifteen minutes before this evening continued.

My eyes met Joe's, but before I could say anything our waiter arrived and set a plate down in front of me. It had five tiny golden brown objects that were shaped to look like drawstring bags with a slender shoot of green onion tying them off at the top. I raised an eyebrow and looked at Joe.

"This would be the 'Beggar's Purse' Miss Plum. It is an Avatar favorite. The baked purses are filled with a blend of diced scallops, oysters, and lobster in a tarragon cream sauce. Mr. Morelli said that you enjoyed seafood on special occasions, so I hope you find them to your liking." our waiter said, and then he actually bowed.

"I'm sure I will find them delightful." Did I just say that? I must have been possessed by the spirit of some rich, snooty, European socialite sometime after I sat down. I pictured my head spinning around and projectile vomiting tarragon cream sauce.

Our waiter, whose name was actually Marcel, took my napkin and placed it in my lap for me. He also laid a second menu to the side of the table "For your perusal at your convenience madam," and then rattled off three specials that each sounded better than the last. They say the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, but Joe knew better when it came to me. The man was playing dirty, and so far he was winning.

I slid one of the purses onto my fork and placed it onto my tongue. I bit down, and the flavor exploded in my mouth, and I couldn't suppress a moan as I savored every last morsel. I looked up and Joe's eyes were locked onto mine, and they were turning very, very dark.

"You'd better not tempt me Cupcake, or I might lose all decorum and drag you into the lobby and have you on the plush leather couch. I am a gentleman after all, so I can't take you on the floor." he said with a wolf grin.

"You sir, are no gentleman. The nice suit and clean shaven look doesn't fool me a bit. You've had me on the floor before if I recall." I said, crossing my arms and hiking up my eyebrows up at him while my mind flashed back to the Tasty Pastry.

"Indeed." he replied with a wink and a devilish smile.

"So I enjoy seafood only on special occasions, huh? What makes this occasion special?" I asked, shaking my head at him.

"Any time I spend with you is special Cupcake."

"Okay, that was really lame." I said with an eye roll.

He laughed. "Well I couldn't keep it up forever. Gustav made me nervous, and I wasn't sure what he wanted me to smell the damn cap for." he chuckled.

That had me tossing my head back and laughing out loud, and I relaxed considerably. I took another sip of the wine and smiled at Joe.

"I love it when you laugh. There is only one other time where you are even more beautiful." he said intensely, his chocolate brown eyes burning a hole into me.

"And when exactly is that?" I squeaked out, afraid of his answer.

He leaned across the table and lowered his voice. "When you come with me inside you, gasping and moaning while my arms wrap around you, with your soft heaving breasts pressed up tightly against me." he answered in a deep voice.

I dropped the wineglass and it shattered on the floor.


	13. Should I Stay or Should I Go

CHAPTER 13

I touched up my lipstick in the bathroom, grateful for the breather. It hadn't been too embarrassing since two waiters rushed over and had cleaned up the spill and broken stemware, then had a second glass filled and waiting before I could even blink. Our waiter Marcel even insisted upon taking the blame, saying that the glass was fresh out of the dishwasher and he neglected to notice that it was still moist and slippery. Marcel was cool like that.

I asked Joe to order for me while I went to the ladies room, since he had done such a great job with the appetizers. When I got back to my seat there was already a salad at my place setting. Joe stood as I approached, and didn't sit back down again until I was cozied back up to the table. A girl could get used to this sort of treatment. Joe ratcheted the whole evening down a bit, and kept to idle chatter while we ate our salads. The calm before the storm. I was surprised to find that the salad was very flavorful, and had sprinkles of several different kind of crumbly cheeses and crushed walnuts mixed in, which went well with the tangy dressing that was lightly mixed into the greens.

"So I take it you found the tickets?" Joe asked.

"Huh?" I responded with a mouth full of salad.

"The missing airline tickets at your sister's house." he said with a questioning look.

"Oh yeah. They were in the yellow diaper bag." I lied, swallowing hard. I really hoped I was as good of a liar in person as I was over the phone.

"So can I ask what you were doing with your sister's diaper bag?" he inquired with his cop face on. Uh oh. I knew when I was being interrogated.

"Long story actually. I was babysitting Lisa from Tuesday until just last night." I answered. Now he would definitely think I was lying.

"You've got to be lying." he answered with a frown.

"I'm not." At least I wasn't about the babysitting part.

"Explain." he commanded, crossing his arms over his chest.

I went into the whole story and how I had managed to get a grip on instant motherhood, but I was smart enough to leave out the parts about Ranger and his crew, and just told him that I had a little help from my friends to get me through it. He probably assumed I was talking about Mary Lou. I also had the good taste to not go into any stories about diaper changes.

"Well that would explain the call from my mother wanting to know how we had managed to hide our illegitimate child from her. There was a rumor about you at a Mommy and Me Matinee."

"Oh my God! Were people actually saying that this week?" I hadn't even considered the repercussions of that public appearance, much less having paraded around in a Burg grocery store my sister's baby and Lester in tow.

"Would it be that bad to be carrying around a child of mine?" he asked, laughing at my shocked reaction.

My mind shot back to that first night Ranger helped me take care of Lisa, of walking in and finding him cradling and soothing her back to sleep. The way my heart squeezed painfully in my chest when I realized he could never offer me that. In my mind I switched that image to Joe, and it was easy to picture him standing there shirtless in the middle of the night, tenderly holding our child and rocking them in his strong arms. I thought of how warm and wonderful it had felt to hold Lisa, and have her look up at me with complete adoration and dependence.

My eyes grew wet and I looked him right in the eye when I replied softly, "No... it wouldn't."

The smile slid off of Joe's face and he stared right back at me. He reached out and took my hand in his and said "So what's stopping us?"

I started to slide my feet out of my sandals, and figured I could make a break for it. Maybe I could fake that I was choking, except that I'd eaten all the salad and purse thingies. Was a heart attack plausible for a woman in her thirties? I was certainly sweating enough to make it look good...

"Your entree madam." Marcel announced, setting a steaming platter of food in front of me. "Mr. Morelli selected for you our Italian specialties, the spinach basil pesto chicken with sun dried tomatoes and Roquefort, with a caramelized onion and goat cheese and roasted red pepper foccacia, complemented with Portobello skewer in a Tallegio cheese sauce."

I was speechless before, but now I was officially dumfounded. I started salivating uncontrollably.

"Mr. Morelli, here is your nine pepper porterhouse with mushroom Gruyere sauce, medium well as you requested, with a side of braised garlic asparagus in a red wine raisin sauce, finished off with a slice of our Celebration Field Roast of a rolled grain and lentil loaf stuffed with a blend of butternut squash, golden apples, and shitake mushrooms. Enjoy, and I'll check back with you momentarily to make sure it is to your liking."

"Thank you Marcel." Joe replied, his eyes never leaving mine and my hand still held firmly in his grasp. The incredible smell of the food hit my nose as our waiter left the table, and my stomach growled loudly in response. Joe relaxed his grip and let my hand go, leaning back in his chair and smiling.

"I'll grant you temporary clemency from answering that question, seeing as I wouldn't want to keep you from your dinner. But I do expect an answer Steph." he announced.

I nodded silently, and I dived into my meal so that mouthfuls of food would prevent me from having to answer and say anything else that was royally stupid. We ate in silence for a while, though again I had trouble suppressing moans because the meal was undoubtedly the finest food to ever pass my lips. Joe's eyes glittered across from me, though he was also distracted by his dinner for the time being. We both told Marcel to send our compliments to the chef.

After a while I looked down and my plate was empty, so I set down my utensils and leaned back in my chair. "I forgot food could be this good. Thank you Joe."

"You're welcome Cupcake. I love making you happy. I'll give you anything I can to make that happen. But in order to do that it will require some cooperation on your part." Joe said, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

"I know that." I replied softly, knowing what was coming next.

"I want you back in my life Stephanie. I want to wake up with you next to me everyday." he declared, his stare intense.

I met his eyes. "I've been thinking about what you asked me to think about Joe." My mouth felt really dry all of the sudden.

"And what did you come up with?" he asked, his arms uncrossing as he draped them across the table towards me and leaned forward.

"That...I just...well... Damn it! This is hard for me Joe, I feel like I'm on trial here." I said, my breath quickening.

"It's just me. You can talk to me." he said, his face warm and friendly as he gazed right into my eyes.

I took a deep breath. "I..I like the thought of a future with you Joe." I confessed. There. I said it. I felt somewhat relieved, and it was true after all. I did like the thought. But a lot of ideas I'd had in my life didn't work out so well in practice.

"I've wondered what it would be like to be back with you, for us to really be together and not just off and on. But I just don't know what would be different this time. What would make it work out when it hasn't worked out for us before?" I asked, letting out a long breath.

"Well for one thing we could make a commitment this time, instead of walking away every time we have a problem. Not yelling at each other. Talking to each other like adults instead, and not quitting until we work it out." he answered.

"Is that enough?" I asked, knowing that it wasn't.

"No. We'd have to make some changes." I stiffened up at his words and stared at my lap. There was no doubt in my mind who would be doing the changing.

"Don't do that. Look at me Steph. Hear me out." Joe begged. That really caught me off guard, and I did as he said and raised my head back up. He looked so sincere, so I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"I love you Stephanie Plum, and I don't want you to be somebody else. But we both have to adapt a little if we are going to have any kind of life together. Compromise a bit." he said sincerely, taking his hand in mine.

"That sounds...reasonable. What exactly did you have in mind?" I asked, worried about his next answer.

"Well, for starters I know I can't keep you totally shut out of my work. I need to talk to you about what I'm dealing with, within limits. But I can only do that if I know I can trust you to not get directly involved. I want to be able to share all of myself with you, I don't want to hold back because I'm afraid you might do something to hurt my career. You know how much my job means to me, how hard I worked to be good at it." he explained.

"Okay, that sounds negotiable. Keep going." I said, intrigued.

"We would have to work something out about our lifestyles. If we want a future, our life has to be conducive to having a family someday. But I'm not saying that I expect you to turn into some carbon copy of your mother or mine. It isn't the 1960's anymore even if we do live in the Burg. I know that's not the kind woman I fell in love with. I don't want to change you. You are strong, independent, and self sufficient woman with her own interests that don't include baking pies and spending three hours over the stove everyday. I respect that. I don't care if I have to order takeout most of the time and cook for myself. I don't care if you don't get a thrill out of mopping and dusting, or that you leave your towel on the floor most of the time. Those aren't the reasons I'm with you. If I wanted a maid or a hot meal I would buy one"

"So what do we have to change...I mean...compromise on?" I asked, my heart beating fast. I felt a spark of hope igniting, and I found it strange that talking about us having a family together didn't make me want to bolt for the door this time.

"One of us has to work predictable hours. I can't still be a cop and do that, and you know that it's the only dream I ever had for myself. But surely there is some job out there that you would really like doing that has regular hours. I'll do anything I can to support you in finding something you like, it would be my top priority. Even if you decide to go back to school. Even if it's not the job I would have picked out for you." I looked at him questioningly, but he met my gaze and I could tell he meant every word. It was starting to scare me just how much he was saying everything I wanted to hear.

"I know you don't want to be stuck in the house all day Cupcake, I wouldn't ask that of you. I wouldn't want you to count buttons on an assembly line all day either. You would be miserable, and I can't have that for you. But if we had a family, we have to arrange for childcare in advance and be able to plan ahead a bit. You were with a baby all week, so you know that I'm just being practical." he explained.

He was right. Even though there were times I really liked it, I still didn't want to be a bounty hunter forever...and the hours sucked. It wasn't a problem when I was by myself, but that was just it. I didn't want to be by myself for the rest of my life. Living with Lisa for a few days helped me to admit that, and it showed me that it would have been impossible to leave her with someone every time I got a lead on a skip or wanted to do a late night stakeout. Surely there was some other job out there that would give me my independence and still let me spread my wings a little. I didn't have any idea what else I wanted to do, but I believed Joe when he said he'd move heaven and earth to help me figure it out. Even if it meant supporting me if I went back to school to do it, which as far as love and commitment goes, that was big deal. He was saying that he didn't want to control all my choices in the matter. I was moved by his words, and the butterflies were fluttering in my stomach as my hopes rose even higher. But something was still holding me down like a lead weight.

"I think I could do that eventually Joe. I really could if I had your full support. But is that all?" I asked, my voice wavering at the end. I took a sip of wine to calm my nerves.

He leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath. "There is one more thing." I had the feeling that our future hinged on the next words out of his mouth, and I had to remind myself to keep breathing.

"10-32 Stephanie. Thirty-two. The number of cars crushed and blown up, cars that you could have been inside of. The number of buildings destroyed and burned to the ground..." I started to speak, but he held up his hand to signal me to let him finish. "I know it wasn't your fault. Don't you think I know that? You don't ask for these things to happen, and you certainly don't deserve them, okay? But for whatever reason, you've happened across more dead bodies than most of the cops I know. Not just your run of the mill ones either. Violent deaths. Dismemberments. Mob hits. Sometimes several at a time. Brutal, disturbing deaths that were sometimes staged in your very own living room. Men sliced clean in half! Christ Stephanie, if I were to add to the number of bodies and explosions all the people who've wanted to hurt or kill you..." his face tightened and his hands clenched into fists. I stared at the ground and wrung my hands together, because I knew everything he said was true.

"You've seen men shot. Several of them. And someone shot you Steph. The barrel could have easily been aimed a few centimeters to the left and it would have gone straight through your heart. And it's not like that is the first time a gun has been pointed at you or you've been near gunfire. So many people have wanted to do horrific things to you. Some of them make Hannibal Lecter look like a cartoon character. Stephanie, I've seen shit in my life and on the job that would make grown men tremble with fear. But hell, even I've never had a bullet whiz by my head. I don't ever come home with bumps and bruises and black eyes. I never thought I'd be with a woman who got into more fights than me. You've been kidnapped more than once, and they were going to kill you. A dozen gang members were going to rape you and rip you to pieces, and I wouldn't have gotten there in time to stop them..." his voice cracked, and I looked up and saw the pain etched on his face.

He spoke his next words so softly I had to lean forward to hear them. "Do you have any idea what I go through for those five to ten minutes until I get there Stephanie? Those moments of time that seem to last forever when I pull up and scan the mass of uniforms and flashing lights to find you. I always check for the Medical Examiner's van before I get out, because then I know for sure that at least one person is dead. Then I check on the ground first, looking for your body. When I don't find it I move up and look for your face, your hair, anything in the crowd. Then I finally see you and I want to fall to my knees and thank God that you are still standing, still breathing. It takes everything I have not to run up and grab you and never let you go. Half the time I start to do exactly that, but when I get close I see the cuts and torn clothing and I think I'm going to explode with anger. I want to take whoever did it to you and make them pay. I want to beat them so badly that they'll never dream of hurting you or anyone else again. I want to bruise and bloody them to within an inch of their life. But I can't do that, so I swallow all that rage. Then I bite down and fight every impulse I have to lock you away where no one can hurt you again. Instead I stand there and remain calm and professional, so that I won't destroy my entire career or my relationship with the beautiful brave woman standing in front of me trying to hold back her tears. And so I just hold you close to me, wondering when the next time will be and wishing desperately that I could do something to prevent it. Baby... it tears me apart." Tears were sliding down my face now, and I was close enough to see that his eyes were wet too. I took his hands, which were white at the knuckles from being clenched into fists for so long, and wrapped mine around them and squeezed. He unclenched his fingers and laced them with mine, gripping so tightly it almost hurt.

He opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated. After a moment passed he almost imperceptibly nodded his head like he had made a decision, and started to speak again. "Steph, sometimes I lay awake at night wondering how it's going to go down when they finally tell me that you're dead. I don't want to do that anymore. I see how you react every time that I say that I want you safe, and I wish like hell I could just say the right words that would make you want to protect yourself. Is it really too much to ask? Because we're just talking about me here. I don't want to be laying awake at night a decade from now wondering how I'm going to tell our kids what happened to their mother."

"Joe...I... I don't know what to say."

"Promise me you'll find a way to stay safe, no matter what. You can't keep doing the line of work that you're doing. Can you see any other way?" he asked, his eyes pleading with me.

"You might be right. I didn't realize... I don't want to do that to you. I lo... I care about you too much for that." Oh my God! I almost told him I loved him. His eyes sparked, so I knew he had heard it. I had to remind myself to breath again before I started to turn purple.

"Ahem. May I take your plates sir?" Marcel asked, suddenly appearing to my right carrying a tray. I jumped in my seat. Geez…and I thought Ranger moved like smoke.

"Of course. Thank you." Joe cleared his throat and sat up, loosening his grip on my fingers while I pulled away and straightened up in my chair. As our waiter gathered our plates, Joe leaned and whispered something into his ear. Marcel nodded and left quickly.

A few minutes passed, and not a word was spoken. Joe was looking at me with a pensive half smile that I'd never seen before. The worry lines etching his faced almost disappeared, and he looked about as relaxed as I'd ever known him to be. "I bet you were good at it, weren't you?" he asked, his head cocked thoughtfully.

"Good at what?" I asked, taking another sip of wine. My tension was dissipating a little bit now, since the toughest part of the conversation seemed to be over.

"Taking care of the baby this week." he explained.

"Yeah. You know...I was." It was strange to admit it, but the truth was I had really amazed myself.

"I always knew you would be." he answered, his smile spreading.

Marcel suddenly appeared and sat an ornate china plate in front of me. My jaw dropped as I saw three delicate desserts molded out of chocolate into a perfect box shape, resting in an exotic swirled design made out of white and dark chocolate sauce, accented by different types of berries and fruits. A few slender sculpted pieces rose up out of the center, made out of thin tendrils of hardened chocolate that were patterned to look like lace.

"Our most exquisite dessert Madam. We have a Scharffen Berger milk chocolate box filled with baked pear and gorgonzola, a Valrhona white chocolate box with a raspberry pecan torte filling, and our El Rey dark chocolate with an orange hazelnut trifle inside. I suggest you save the dark chocolate for last, it is made out of 100% Venezuelan cocoa, and has a very intense, full-bodied flavor. Our guests say the flavor is most engaging, and you'll never choose another again." he said with a smile, before turning and heading back to the kitchen.

"I hope you enjoy it Cupcake, I ordered all three since I didn't want you to have to make too many hard decisions tonight." Joe said with a mysterious smile.

I gulped, a feeling of foreboding in the air so thick I could slice it with the butter knife. I opened the first box, which was filled with delicious glazed pears and a melted sharp cheese, which went startlingly well together. It was absolutely delicious. I was feeling self conscious after the intense conversation, so I managed to suppress all my moans. I offered Joe a bite, but he shook his head and shifted nervously in his seat. He didn't look so relaxed anymore.

My palms started to sweat and my heart beat loudly in my chest. My hand shook when I opened the second box. It was just raspberries and a creamy cake filling. I took my time eating this one, the silence between us deafening. Joe angled himself slightly in his seat, and I noticed him put his feet to the side, like he was about to get out of his chair.

I ate the last few bites of the white chocolate dessert with agonizing slowness. Joe just stared at me, his face unreadable. It tasted incredible, but I was having great difficulty concentrating on the flavor. Instead I locked my knees together so they would quit trembling, and I was trying to keep my breathing under control. My mouth felt dry, and I took a few more sips of wine for good measure.

"I think I'm full. You can have the last one." I said in a choked voice.

Joe's calm voice was smooth and low in response. "I think you should at least have one bite Cupcake. After all, Marcel said it's the best."

My stomach was doing somersaults and I was sweating all over. I could actually hear the sounds of my own heartbeat rushing in my ear, and I started to feel a little dizzy.

Then my phone rang. I was so tense that I jumped and almost fell out of my chair. It was like someone had just whacked all the bells of St. Mary's cathedral and the deafening sound was coming through my purse. I could tell by the Batman ring tone I'd recently downloaded that it was Ranger, and something told me that Joe had a clue who it was too. Maybe it was the flash of anger I saw cross his face.

I froze in my seat, afraid to answer it. I felt like my entire life was about to be determined in the next few minutes. I could choose to answer the phone and talk to the mysterious mercenary, but something told me that decision would have serious consequences. Joe stared me down and the phone went to voicemail after a few more rings, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I lowered my eyes from Joe and relaxed, but then my gaze landed on the last dessert and I started sucking in air rapidly. My peripheral vision dimmed, and all I could see was a tunnel with a dark chocolate box and handsome Italian man at the end. I tried to take a few slow breaths of air to regain my senses.

The phone rang. It was Ranger. Again. Joe stood up quickly and stepped over to my side of the table. He reached his hand down and hovered it over the lid of the last box, watching me intently.

This was it. Time to make a choice. I could do this...the answer should be simple. Joe had said all the right things, things I had wanted to hear for a while now. He had made perfect sense. I'd been telling myself for a couple of years now that Joe was the man of my dreams. He was offering me a good life, a family, all the things I told myself that I'd wanted since I was a little girl. It just required a little compromise on my part right? I would have to be crazy to give all that up to answer a phone call from a man I really barely knew, a man that would never offer me any of those things.

You know how people who have near death experiences always say that they hovered over their bodies and watched themselves die? That is kind of what it was like in the sixty seconds that followed. Time ceased to exist, and it was like I was another person watching myself. I saw my arm reach down towards my purse. I watched my hands open up the phone and click the answer button. I saw Joe's mouth open in shock, but then his brow furrowed with deep lines and his eyes narrowed into thin slits. My own voice sounded a million miles away to me when I answered.

"Hello?"

"Got an address for you. 7925 Cavalier on the far East side of town."

"You didn't leave it on voicemail." I uttered flatly, as if making a distant observation.

"Am I interrupting something Babe?" he asked.

"I have to go now." I announced matter of factly, and I watched my finger press the end call button. My hand dropped the phone back in my purse sitting open on the floor.

There were two salt shakers on the table. That's kind of strange. I proceeded to study the tablecloth. There was a small stain off to the left. Marcel must be slipping.

Someone in the room coughed, and I suddenly jolted back to reality and looked up at Joe. At first he looked angry. Then he looked confused.

"He had some information on a skip to pass along." I offered, my voice sounding just shy of robotic.

Joe seemed to consider this for a moment. Then he lifted his chin up in determination, and took a deep breath and pulled his shoulders back like he was steeling himself for something. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his hand move over the box.

"I...I have to go now." I blurted out. I started to feel really dizzy and all the chocolate began churning in my stomach.

"What?" Joe said incredulously, jerking his hand back and looking at me like I'd slapped him in the face.

"...have to go...take care of something...I just...I have to go..." I didn't even know what I was saying anymore, I just knew I had to get out of that room. I suddenly felt like a claustrophobic crammed into a coat closet. I grabbed my purse and jumped up out of my chair, and wavered slightly on my high heels as I stood facing him.

"Joe...I...it's just...thanks for dinner." I turned sharply and walked as fast as my feet would carry me, the entrance of the restaurant beckoning me and pulling me into its force field. When I stepped out into the night I was like a freight train leaving a mountain tunnel, and I sucked in the cool air like my life depended on it.

A minute later I was in the Buick speeding towards East Trenton. I couldn't for the life of me remember what I had said to the valet to make him look so scared, but he handed me my keys and pointed towards my car right away. I ran to my car in three inch heels with my dress billowing behind me, and when I exited the parking lot for a second I thought I saw Joe in the rear view mirror standing in the middle of the asphalt.


	14. Angels and Demons

CHAPTER 14

I put the car in park and tried to slow down my breathing. Maybe I was wrong. There was no way he was about to do what I thought he was about to do. I'd probably overreacted for nothing. It was just that orange hazelnut trifle thingy and he was simply going to encourage me to taste it. No big deal right? Joe would forget all about it tomorrow. We would just pick up where we left off like we always did, then take it slow and see how things went. No harm, no foul.

I looked down and saw that my hands were still shaking. I shook them out and tried to regain my composure. My eyes looked around and I saw a thick grove of trees surrounding a small poorly lit house at the end of a long dirt driveway. Where the hell was I?

It took me a minute to remember, but I'd managed to drive all the way to the address off of Cavalier on the far side of town near the nature preserve in some sort of daze. I had no idea how long I'd been sitting there replaying the evening in my head, but a look at my cell phone showed that it was almost nine o'clock. Luckily I hadn't pulled up very close to the house and was at the far end of the long driveway, so I hadn't scared off Petrie. Not yet anyway…

I took my cell phone out of my purse and got quietly out of the car, glad it was dark and that I was as much in the middle of nowhere as you could get and still be in Trenton. This way I could hide in the Buick when I changed into the clothes I'd packed into my duffel earlier, since I had been too shell shocked from dinner to remember to pull over and change. I was not about to roll in muck in an antique white dress. Ugh…I really hoped there would be no muck tonight no matter what I was wearing. If I got in over my head I could just call Ranger, right? I cringed remembering the aftermath of our last conversation. As I walked towards the back of the car, I heard a yelping noise. It sounded like a small dog. I popped the trunk and reached in for the duffel bag.

There was another loud yelp, coming from the direction of the house. It didn't sound like a small dog. It sounded like a small girl. My stomach dropped to my feet and I dropped the duffel bag back in the trunk. I was so flustered that my cell phone fell out of my hand and broke on the ground. Shit.

I crept towards the house silently on my silver heels, hoping that I didn't find what a little voice in my head was telling me I would. My heart was in my throat. There was a dim front porch light on, but only one room in the house seemed to have any light coming out of the window. Other than that I didn't see the Cutlass or any other signs of life, aside from the voice I'd heard a moment ago. With my back to the wall I edged around the side of the house towards the lighted window, and peeked around to look inside. There were some pink drapes, and it didn't look like I would be able to see anything. As I turned to lean back against the wall I saw what looked like a moth hole in the fabric, so I leaned back in to look.

It could feel the adrenalin shoot all the way to my fingertips and all my muscles tensed. I could see a small figure on a bed struggling with rope on their wrists and ankles. The hair was red and curly. The nightgown was lavender, and had Hello Kitty on the front. It was Libby Kramer. I stepped back from the window in shock, and slipped on a rock and fell to the ground with a loud thunk. Struggling to my feet, I could hear her start to yelp loudly and sounds frantic writhing on the bed springs. She had heard me, and I knew Petrie would have heard the both of us by now.

Okay Stephanie, don't panic! The car was gone, so maybe he was too. I waited in the silence for a minute and then peeked back through the hole in the drapes. No one had come in the room or had come outside, so maybe it was okay. I waited a few more minutes, and when nothing else happened I realized the abductor was gone, but he would probably return soon. His engine was loud and I would hear it right? Maybe I had time to get her out before he got back…I had to try now while I had the chance. I had broken my cell phone and it wasn't like I could drive or walk to a nearby payphone very quickly, and God knows what could happen by the time the police would finally get here if Petrie showed back up in the meantime.

My heart felt like it would leap out of my chest, but I curled my fingers under the lip of the window and pulled up. I said a silent prayer thanking God that it was unlocked. I could hear frightened noises from inside as I pulled the window slowly up, trying not to be any noisier than I had to in case I was wrong about Petrie and he was hard of hearing. I pulled back the drape and looked right into Libby's eyes, which were wide with terror as she cowered on the far edge of the bed.

"Libby, I'm going to get you out of here…we have to be quiet." I whispered with a finger to my lips. She nodded and tears started to run down her cheeks. My heart was beating one hundred miles per hour as I scanned the room. The door to the room was closed, and my stomach churned when I saw three bookshelves full of at least a hundred antique dolls. I climbed carefully through the window and kneeled down next to her, then untied the bandanna that was gagging her mouth. I removed it and she sucked air into her small body. I remembered from the radio broadcast that she was only seven, and she looked little for her age.

"I'm scared. I want my Mommy." She said softly as tears started to pour down her cheeks.

I took her pale freckled face in my hands and whispered "I'm going to find a way to get you back to your Mommy, but we have to hurry and be real quiet, okay?"

"The bad man, he said he was gonna go buy me a new nightgown." she whispered back. "He told me to call him Daddy, but he's not my Daddy. He's gonna come back." I could hear the sheer terror in her voice and she started to shake.

I quickly tried to remove the bindings from her, but after a minute of fumbling with my shaky hands I realized I would need hunt for something to cut them off with. There wasn't time.

"I'm going to carry you out of here so we can get to a safe place. Then we'll get these things off of you." I whispered.

She dissolved into my arms as I picked her up, and I was so full of adrenalin it felt like she hardly weighed anything at all. I could feel her warmth against my body and my heart wanted to snap in two. I was filled with anger at the monster who did this to her, and hoped that he would suffer when this was all over with. I sat on the window ledge and held her close, swinging my legs up and over. I pulled her in tightly to me and ducked down to get my head under the window. I slid down to where I was standing on solid ground outside, and I scanned the area and surrounding woods but saw nothing.

I moved as fast as my legs would carry me to my car, and we both breathed a sigh of relief when we reached the Buick. I walked around to the passenger side and stood her up on her feet, opening the door and helping her slide in and shutting it after her. I had left the trunk wide open earlier, so I walked around the back to shut it. When I got to the rear of the car I heard a loud engine coming up the road in the distance. Forgetting about the trunk, I tried not to panic and ran to the other side and jumped in the driver's seat. I started the Buick while slamming the door shut with my other hand, and floored it. That turned out to be a bad idea, since the car was rear wheel drive and the back end of the car was parked in a mud puddle. Mud splattered everywhere and I could feel the back of the car sink. I pressed harder on the accelerator, and the car lurched forward a bit but then scooted back. A purple Cutlass pulled up ten yards behind me, and I could see in my side view mirror a figure walking quickly towards me.

"Please God, please God, please God" I begged desperately, pushing the pedal all the way to the floor. Libby started sobbing. The dark figure jumped back when he was sprayed with mud, but the car didn't move and he started back towards us. My car door was wrenched open, and I felt a hand digging into my arm as he pulled me out of the car. Libby screamed, and I shrieked when he jerked my arm and almost pulled it out of socket hauling me out of the car.

"You bitch! Give me my daughter back!" he snarled, gripping both my arms painfully.

"She's not your daughter asshole!" I yelled, all my anger at this monster that stood before me boiling over. He looked surprised at my sudden fury, and I took advantage of the moment and grabbed his belt loops and pulled him towards me hard, kneeing him with all my might right in the crotch. You see…kneeing a man in the crotch is an art form really. You could merely use the knee to get the job done, but if you really get into it and pull him forward by his belt loops you get much more bang for your buck. He squealed and sank to the ground in a heap and I ran to the trunk and unzipped my duffel bag, searching frantically for my taser. I tossed out the pair of black jeans and kept digging. Where the hell…

I didn't get a chance to finish the thought since he had apparently recovered enough to come up behind me and grab my wrist and wrench me around to face him. He was breathing hard and red in the face, and his eyes were full of rage.

"Going somewhere precious?" he seethed, pulling his other hand back and punching me hard in the stomach. I doubled over in pain and tried not to throw up. I fell to my knees, and he started to drag me by my wrist towards the house.

"You like knives bitch? Cause I'm going to cut you up into itty bitty pieces." he growled. I had no doubt he would do exactly that, and I knew that no matter what I could not let him take me into the house. He continued to drag me across the dirt up the driveway by my wrist, trying to pull me to my feet. I kept struggling, and he gave me a swift kick to the stomach. I was able to dodge most of the impact, but it still knocked the breath out of me. I looked around for anything that could be used as a weapon and all I could see were rocks. Good enough for me. I reached for the largest one I could grab in my one free hand, and with all the strength I had in my body I rose up and slammed it into the side of his head. He fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

My hands were shaking so bad that it felt like forever before I could pull out the handcuffs and taser out of the duffel bag when I got back to the trunk of the car. I could hear Libby whimpering, and I told her I'd be right there and it was okay. I slapped the cuffs on his wrists and tased him once for good measure, though he was already out cold and looked like he would remain that way for some time. What if he did come to? He could still get up and walk off unless I tied his feet.

I went back to the car and found Libby cowering in the passenger seat trembling violently.

"It's okay sweetie. You're safe now. I promise he won't ever hurt you again." I reached in and put my arms around her, holding her tightly to me. After a minute she stopped shaking. Her red curls tickled my face as she turned her head to meet my eyes. Hers were wide eyed with wonder.

"Are you an angel?" she asked.

I couldn't stop the tears that sprung to my eyes, and my heart melted. I was at a complete loss for words.

You look like an angel to me." She stated matter of factly, eyeing my white satin dress and reaching out her hand to gingerly touch my diamond accessories.

"No honey, but I am here to rescue you and bring you back to your Mommy and Daddy." I said, my voice cracking with emotion. She nodded, but kept looking at me like I was about to sprout wings and a halo. If she only knew…

It took a couple of minutes, but I finally worked the bindings off of her tiny wrists and ankles. I told her to wait there for a minute, then I walked back over to where Marvin Petrie lay in a heap on the ground. I took the ropes he had bound Libby with and tied them tightly around his ankles. Now that is what I call poetic justice. I stepped back to admire my handiwork, but was struck by sudden worry again that he might escape. There was no way in hell or heaven that this man was going to get away with this. I wanted him to rot in prison for the rest of his life, and I hoped that his cell mate made him his bitch. Let's see how he likes being sexually molested…now that would _definitely_ be poetic justice.

I rolled him over to his side and took the remaining rope and pulled his legs up towards his wrists. I straightened them out at the knee, and wrapped the rope around his ankles and wrists several times before tying it off. With his hands and feet now bound together I felt safer, and I breathed out a sigh of disgust as I looked him over. He wasn't a very large man, and was just as creepy and nerdy looking as his photo. If I had seen him on the street I never would have expected he was capable of such a horrible crime. I shivered when I thought of what he had planned for Libby, and I turned and went back to the car.

It took some convincing, but I talked her into coming back with me into the house so that we could find a phone to call the police. We both climbed back in through the window, and once we were inside she clung to me with all her might and would not let go. I picked her up and held her on my hip, and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I sat down on the couch next to the phone and let her sit in my lap. I picked up the phone and was about to dial 911, but something stopped me.

"I think you should press the buttons sweetie. Can you dial 911 for me?" My instinct told me that I needed to do something to give this traumatized girl a little bit of control back. She had been ripped from her family by a monster and bound and gagged since Thursday night, and she had been drowning in terror ever since.

She hesitated, but reached her hand out and pressed 911. I held the phone to her ear, and whispered to her to tell the dispatcher her name and tell her what happened.

"Hello? I'm Libby Kramer. The bad man took me but God sent an angel who saved me. You wanna talk to her?" she asked innocently.

I smiled and put the phone to my ear. "Libby? My name is Teresa…can you tell me where you are?" a voice asked on the other end of the phone.

"This is Stephanie Plum. I happened across someone that I think a lot of people are looking for when I was picking up an FTA tonight. Libby's alive and well, and I've got her abductor tied up on the driveway. We're at 7925 Cavalier."

The dispatcher didn't say anything for a moment. If I was her I would be a little stunned too. But she seemed to gather herself and started peppering me with questions and I could hear her typing furiously as I explained what happened. She had to pause often to talk on the police radio, but she stayed on the phone with me for the fifteen minutes it took police to arrive. I was a big relief to have someone else to talk to while I waited, because being in this dark room of the house of this wicked man was giving me the creeps. I was sure that Libby didn't like it any more than I did, since she was still wrapping herself around me tightly. When I saw the lights in the front window I stood up with Libby on my hip and went to the door.

When I opened the front door there were four Trenton Police squad cars, and thanks to the joy of police scanners there were also two news vans right behind them. I was met at the door by several officers, who pulled us to the side and entered the house with their guns drawn. One stayed with me while two of them checked the interior, and two others were standing in the driveway checking over Petrie, who still was out cold. The last one was attempting to hold off the reporters that were trying to take pictures of Petrie and the house. I sat down in a patio chair by the front door with Libby in my lap as the officer questioned me about everything that happened, which took another ten minutes. Libby nodded shyly in agreement at my account of the situation. In the meantime two ambulances showed up as well as a two more squad cars containing the Watch Commander and Chief Joe Juniak. Wow. Guess a multistate search for an abducted child really gets you curbside service in this town. The place was lit up like a Christmas tree, and two more news vans pulled up. I could hear the distant sound of a helicopter approaching.

"Libby, we're going to take you in that ambulance over there to go to the hospital okay? You're parents are on the way there right now." the officer told her.

"Really? I won't have to get a shot will I?"

"No baby, no shots." I said with a smile.

"Are you coming with me?" she asked, sounding scared.

I looked at the officer, and he nodded. Libby clung tightly to me, gazing at all the lights.

"I know all the lights are kind of scary, but all these people are here to help us okay?" I told her.

"Okay." She answered softly, her arms hugging my neck. I stood up and adjusted her on my hip, took a deep breath, and started carrying her toward the ambulance. The news crews spotted us and dodged the officer trying to keep them at bay. They rushed towards us, blinding me with their flashbulbs. Libby started to cry, and the other officers moved in trying to keep them off of us. Libby turned her head away and squeezed me so hard that I thought I might pop. I stopped and widened my stance on my strappy silver sandals and looked right at the reporters, furious at them for frightening a little girl who had already been badly traumatized.

"Leave her alone! She's been through enough!" I yelled out at them, raising my voice to be heard over the whirring chopper blades that felt like they were right on top of us. My skirt started to blow up and the dirt rose around my feet, and the reporters kept taking pictures as the officers forced them back to the perimeter. I started walking again quickly towards the ambulance, and the helicopter was now so low that the tree branches were swaying. I passed Juniak and he nodded at me. The Watch Commander was busy shaking his fist at the news copter and yelling about the evidence being blown away.

The ambulance rolled away quickly after we climbed in the back, and I saw them pulling the still unconscious Petrie into the other. I hoped he needed surgery for the concussion I gave him, and they didn't give him any painkillers. The ride to the hospital didn't take very long, and I mouthed my silent thanks to the paramedics for letting Libby ride sitting in my lap as she held onto me. She had resisted them when they tried to take her blood pressure and give her a cursory exam to make sure she didn't have any major injuries, but I reassured her and she cooperated. When we got to the hospital she was even more anxious, and she refused to let the triage nurses get near her unless I was there. The officers that had followed us to the location stood guard outside the hospital room.

After a few minutes a white haired man wearing a lab coat walked into the private exam room, and he reminded me of my Grandpa Mazur. "I'm Dr. Davis. I hear that you are a very brave little girl" he said to Libby with a big grin that made me like him instantly. Following behind him was a female nurse and I recognized Detective Beth Chaney. The both waited silently in the wings, and the doctor walked towards the hospital bed that we were sitting on, with Libby still curled tightly around me refusing to let go.

Libby looked at him cautiously, but didn't tense when he approached. "I know that you've had a very tough couple of days, and it was very scary. I'm here to make sure you aren't hurt, okay?"

"Okay." Libby said in a barely audible whisper. The Doctor eyed me intensely, and gave a slight nod. I must have spontaneously developed ESP, because I knew what was about to happen and that he was trusting me to help Libby feel safe. I was frightened at what I was about to hear next, but I knew I had to be strong.

"Do you hurt anywhere at all Libby?"

"It burns where the ropes were." She answered softly, pointing to her wrists and ankles with her free hand.

"Okay. See that nurse over there?" he pointed towards the door where a small pretty Asian woman waited, and she gave us a kind smile. "Her name is Linda. After we finish talking, she's going to put some cream on your wrists and ankles that will make the burning stop. Then she's going to help you wash off so you can feel clean and then get some sleep. I bet you are really tired."

"Yeah." Libby answered, loosening her grip around my neck.

"Libby, would you let me use my stethoscope to check your heart real quick? It will just take a second and it won't hurt." Libby nodded and though she tensed when he reached over, she didn't resist or cry like she had earlier. The doctor continued on like this for a little while, explaining what he needed to do and asking Libby's permission before he did it. He did a standard exam, and when he finished he walked over to the door and stood next to Detective Chaney.

"This is Beth. She is one of the police officer's that has been looking for you. Is it okay if she asks you some questions about what happened? I told her that you need your sleep so it won't take long, okay?"

Libby nodded. Beth walked forward and addressed her with a smile. "I want to ask you some questions, and if you get scared we can stop at anytime. Will you talk to me?"

Libby nodded again. Detective Chaney started asking some basic questions about what happened from the night she was abducted. It turns out that she recognized Petrie in the car after he had woken her up from sleep and bound, gagged, and kidnapped her. He had approached her several times before on the soccer fields where she played with her team on Saturdays. He had been wearing a fake black beard and wig as a disguise the night he kidnapped her, which explained why he didn't fit the suspect description from the radio broadcast. He had taken her to the cabin, and made her drink something that she said made her very sleepy. The next day he untied her but never let her out of his sight. He tried to make her play dolls with him, but she didn't want to. He told her that her Mommy and Daddy were letting her stay with him for a while, but she didn't believe him. He let her watch TV and wanted her to sit in his lap, but she wouldn't. He had left her alone for the first time tonight to purchase a new nightgown for her, to replace her sweat stained one that she had been wearing since Thursday. He tied her up before he left and told her he was going to play "dress up" like he showed her with the dolls. I cringed. As Libby kept answering the Detective's questions my tension reduced dramatically because I realized that he had not molested her before I had my chance to rescue her. He had been trying to get her to trust him first, but fortunately she was too smart for him and I hadn't given him the chance when I interrupted his plans. If I had gotten there any later or left to call the police, I would have been too late to stop it.

"…and then the angel came and rescued me." Libby explained pointing at me.

Beth smiled and nodded her head at Libby in understanding. "Libby, I'll have your angel explain the rest to me tonight. I'm going to come back and talk to you again tomorrow if that's alright. Right now I have only two more questions before I go, and then Linda will take care of you and tuck you in. By the time you wake up I'll have already brought your Mommy and Daddy and they will take you home." she explained.

It was the first time I had seen her smile, and seeing that look on her beautiful freckled face made a wave of relief wash over me. Beth pulled out a teddy bear from a duffel bag I hadn't noticed her carry in. "Libby, I want you to pretend that this bear is the bad man you've been telling me about. If he made you touch him anywhere I want you to point to it on the bear, okay?"

I felt every muscle in my body tense, but Libby only pointed to the bear's hand. Beth continued questioning her, and made her pretend the bear was herself. When she asked if the man had touched her anywhere, she only pointed to her feet, ankles, and the top of her head. I could see Beth visibly relax, and I'm sure I did too.

"You did such a great job Libby. Thank you. Dr. Davis is right, you are a very brave little girl. I'm going to go now and let the nurse take care of you.," Beth turned to me and whispered "I'll wait outside for you." I figured my round of questioning had just begun, and I wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon.

As Beth left the nurse came over and put some salve on Libby's wrists. She seemed much more relaxed now and not as fearful of being touched. It was a start, and I prayed that her trust would return as soon as possible. I watched as the nurse carefully soothed her rope burns, and I saw that her badge said Nurse Practitioner Linda Chin. She met my glance and gave me that intense stare again, and I gulped and braced myself.

"Libby, I need to do one more thing before we wash you off a bit, get you into a clean nightgown, and tuck you in. I need to check here to see if the bad man touched you there while you were sleeping." The nurse pointed on the teddy bear to the spot I was hoping she wouldn't.

My stomach churned and that room was the last place I wanted to be. Libby started to cling to me again and looked scared. I straightened up my chin and tried to be strong. "It's okay Libby. It will just take a minute and she'll check it. Linda won't hurt you. I won't let anybody hurt you."

Libby imitated me and straightened up her chin. She clung to me tightly, and the nurse discreetly examined her. It was over quickly, and only required a few swabs and some Polaroids. Libby was too young to understand the gravity of the situation, so she seemed to weather the whole ordeal better than I did. When it was over I started to breathe again, and I helped the nurse to rinse Libby's arms and legs off with a warm wet towel. While we rinsed her off, the nurse made eye contact with me, nodding and mouthing a few words silently to indicate that there didn't appear to be any signs of trauma during the examination. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, swelling with joy that I'd save her from such an awful fate just in time. As difficult as it was, I was infinitely grateful that all the police and medical personnel recognized how closely Libby had bonded with me in the last several hours and allowed me to be a part of helping her feel safe again. I couldn't think of anything else I'd done in my entire life that felt more important than what happened tonight, and what I was doing at this very moment.

Linda helped her shrug off her lavender nightgown and placed it into a plastic evidence bag Beth had left on the counter. I helped her get into the hospital gown and tied it in the back, then tucked the sheets around her as she lay down on the pillow.

"Well sweetie, you need your sleep and it's time for me to go." I said with a warm smile.

Libby sat bolt upright in the bed and started to cry. "No! You can't leave me!"

"Libby, you are safe now. I promise. That man will never hurt you again." I offered, sitting down on the bed and taking her hands in mine.

"I'm scared to go to sleep. The last time I went to sleep in my bed the man came…" she said tearfully, and I understood completely. I had some bad nightmares and difficulty sleeping after the Slayer mess myself.

"I know it's scary honey. But even if I'm not here I've made sure that you will stay safe, okay? I've got special guards posted outside your door." I promised her, remembering the two officers I'd seen earlier stationed at the entryway to bar entrance to her room.

She relaxed a little bit, but didn't say anything and still held my hands tightly. I thought for a moment, and then knew what I needed to do. I reached my hands around the back of my neck, and unclasped the mystic fire topaz and diamond necklace I wore. I reached out and put it around Libby's neck as gently as I could.

"This necklace is very special, and it belongs to you now. Whenever you get scared, I want you to touch it and remember that I'm still here watching over you. Remember that me, your family, and a whole lot of other people love you very much and will never let anyone take you away again."

Libby's eyes widened with wonder, and she touched the necklace and nodded solemnly. I didn't say anything about the necklace being magic, but I was pretty sure she believed that anyway. I saw Nurse Linda out of the corner of my eye and I could see that her eyes were wet as she smiled at me. I stood up slowly from the bed, then leaned in and gave Libby a tight hug and a gentle kiss on the forehead.

"Will I ever see you again?" she asked.

"If you ever need me, you just tell your Mommy and Daddy to call the police officer Beth that you talked to just now. She'll know where to find me." I answered.

"Okay." she replied, clasping her small hand around the fiery stone that hung from the silver chain around her neck.

I turned, and it took all the willpower I had to walk out that door. I hoped that someday I did see her again.


	15. Showdown at the Station

**CHAPTER 15**

Beth met me at the nurse's station, and after I adamantly refused any medical treatment she drove me to the police station to record my interview while the events were still fresh on my mind. I could tell I would have some heavy bruising across my arms and stomach from where he had grabbed and kicked me, but aside from the few scrapes on my knees from dragging me across the driveway all I had was a run in my hose and some mud stains on the back of my white dress. For being circa 1950, the dress had survived the ordeal amazingly well.

I hated being in the station interview room with it's 1970's puke green walls and beige Formica table. It smelled like Pine Sol and cigarette smoke. But Beth kept me comfortable, and between her gentle questioning, a Snickers bar, and a few cups of coffee I was able to recount the whole evening's events several times over until she had what she needed. I looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was almost two am, and I had no idea where the time went. I had to be at Mary Lou's at six am to drop off Rex and carpool to the airport so that we could catch our plane to Miami at seven thirty. Guess I'll have to sleep on the plane.

Beth understood about my vacation, and I gave the number to Mary Lou's cell phone in case she needed to get a hold of me or had more questions. She said I would need to testify at his pre-trial hearing and that she would contact me in a few months time, and that the Buick would be released to me when I returned after CSI had a chance to gather up all the evidence. When she opened the door to leave the room, Morelli was waiting. He walked right by her and stood to face me.

Joe looked angry. Really angry. Red in the face, muscles rigid, teeth gritted, ears blowing smoke kind of angry.

"So Cupcake…I see you had someplace more important to be tonight." he seethed in a hard edged voice. Something about the way he said Cupcake turned my blood cold.

"As a matter of fact Joe…" I started to reply, but he cut me off.

"Why didn't you tell me that you knew where the girl was? We would have taken care of it!" he shouted.

"Tell you what? That I had a bad feeling and nothing more substantial to go on? You wouldn't have believed me!" I shouted back at him. There was no doubt in my mind he would have blown my instincts off just like he had before when I'd chosen to confide in him.

"You should have let the police handle it. Are you nuts? He could have killed you! You put both your lives at risk!" he stared at the bruises forming on my arms and his face contorted in rage.

"Wwwhat? Joe, there was no time to call and my phone broke and he was due back anytime and…" I hurriedly explained, sure that he would have to understand my position if he would just hear me out. Libby was worth every risk I had to take, and I had no other choice.

"You know what? I don't want to hear it. It doesn't matter anyway. You chose to put yourself in danger…again! You said you'd try to stay safe, and at the first possible opportunity you talk to _him_ and run off to get in over your head and take crazy risks. I'm so damn sick of this! I can't do this anymore! _He_ can have you!" he yelled loudly. I couldn't remember Joe ever being this out of control, and it was the first time he had ever scared me. I imagined this is what his father had been like when he was in an alcoholic rage, and the comparison made me shiver. He was so wrapped up in his fury that he had left the door to the interview room wide open, and I could see Constanza, Eddie, and several other uniforms gathering just outside. It looked like a couple of them were deciding whether or not to come in and intervene.

"Joe…it's not like that. You've got to understand…" I tried to answer, but he cut me off again. I felt the tears as they slid off of my face and landed on my collarbone.

"Understand what? That you lied about the plane tickets so that you would have your car for a fast getaway? That you had a duffel bag in the trunk with handcuffs and a change of clothes in it, sitting on top of Marvin Petrie's file?" Uh oh. Guess he had responded to the scene of the crime after I'd left and also made a call to Mary Lou. That's what I get for dating a detective.

"But that isn't the real reason why you left in such a hurry anyway, is it _Cupcake_?" he said, his voice lowering to a deadly level. "You couldn't have gotten out of there any faster if you tried."

"I didn't mean…" I tried to answer, my voice sounding desperate. I was getting angry, but I was so emotionally and physically exhausted from the most trying night of my life that I just didn't have it in me to start yelling back.

"You RAN!" he shouted, slamming his hand on the table. I saw some movement from the doorway, and it looked like one of the officers was about to come in a pull Joe off of me before he completely lost it.

"What were you so afraid of Stephanie? What did you think was about to happen?" he asked in a flat, cold voice that could slice nails. He reached under his suit jacket, and for a second I wondered if he was reaching for his gun.

"Were you afraid I was going to give you this?" he snarled, pulling out a ring box and slamming it down on the table. My jaw dropped and I started to tremble.

"Were you afraid that I was going to tell you I loved you? Were you afraid I was going to ask you to marry me, be my wife, and have my children? Were you afraid that I would offer to love you for the rest of your life and do everything I could to make you happy?" he growled, his hands gripping the table so hard that I thought pieces of it would snap off.

"WELL I WAS!" he screamed, his chest heaving with angry breaths. He paused and stood there like a rabid animal about to pounce, and then spoke again. "Thank God I didn't." His words much softer but spoken through gritted teeth. He was looking at me like I disgusted him.

I shot to my feet. "Joe, I don't deserve this!" I yelled back at him. I was shocked at his cruel words, but even more hurt that he was throwing his retracted proposal in my face like this in front of everyone.

"You're right Stephanie. You don't deserve it." he said, picking up the ring box and dangling it in the air in front of him, leaving no question about what he meant. Suddenly he threw the box past my head and against the wall so hard that it broke in pieces. I flinched as I could feel it passing only inches from my face. Joe stood stock still, every muscle in his body so rigid he looked like he might snap in half. I could see him gathering his control, and he turned swiftly and walked out the door. The crowd of officers that had gathered parted like the Red Sea.

I stood there sucking in air as I held back the sobs that were trying to wrack my body. It was over, and I knew it. Forever. The only man who had ever actually loved me had just looked at me like I was… the tears started pouring silently and I couldn't stop them.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned to see Beth. "Let's get you home…you have a ride waiting outside for you." she offered sympathetically. I was grateful for the kindness she had shown me tonight, especially now. I didn't care who was waiting outside, as long as they would take me home so I could weep, grab my luggage, and get the hell out of Trenton. I saw the glint of a diamond ring lying on the floor, and I averted my eyes before I collapsed into a quivering heap of self-pity.

Beth left her hand on my shoulder as she urged me out the door, and all the officers that had gathered there didn't have the courtesy to stop staring, get out of my way, or at least pretend to be working. I heard a couple of them mutter "asshole," which made me feel slightly better since I figured that was the general consensus about Joe. By the time word got around the station in the next thirty minutes he would definitely be the bad guy, and I hoped the rest of the Burg would concede the same. As I moved down the hall past the group of officers I saw a flash of green, which I realized was money exchanging hands. It felt like a knife had been stabbed into my back. I started walking faster, but then I changed my mind and stopped, whipping around to face all of them.

"By the way boys, whoever had money in the pool on this one…go fuck yourself." Then I walked away. Much better. They scattered after that.

When I walked out of the police station I saw a black Chevy Tahoe, with a smiling Bobby sitting in front. If I hadn't just had my heart ground up into dust I would have been thrilled to see him. I opened the passenger door and climbed in, shutting it behind me. As soon as he met my eyes he reached out and pulled me to him, holding me tightly while I sobbed on his shoulder. I must have cried for fifteen minutes straight before I finally was able to calm myself down enough to function again, and I was eternally grateful to Bobby for patiently waiting while I ruined his shirt with salty tears and eye makeup.

"I walked out on Joe right before he proposed." I explained, my voice still strained from crying. "Ranger called me with the skip's address right before he was going to pull out the ring. I just knew he was about to, so I answered the phone and I left."

"Oh shit…that explains a lot. Joe didn't hurt you did he?" Bobby's voice rose in alarm as he saw the bruises that had started to turn purple along my arms.

"Not like that. I got into a scuffle with the kidnapper. But Joe did just dump me in front of the entire Trenton Police Force, accuse me of being a lying irresponsible helpless nutcase who put that little girl's life at risk, and literally threw the ring in my face. I've never seen him so angry, or been so hurt. It's really over this time." I answered, my voice cracking as a new wave of gut wrenching pain broke over me.

"That's not right. I'm so sorry little one." Bobby said angrily. He held me close and stroked his fingers soothingly up and down my back, and I felt the constricting band around my chest loosen a bit.

"You know, I'm so damn proud of you that I'm about to explode here. Saw you on the news... you are a force to be reckoned with woman. Did you really hog tie the bastard?" he asked with an irresistible smile.

"I guess I did. I didn't want him to get away." I managed a half smile back. " Bobby…" I started to speak, but I had trouble finding the right words.

"Yeah Steph?"

"I'm glad. I'm still glad I did it. My world feels like it just caved in around me, and I don't feel sure of anything anymore. But the only thing I am sure of is that even if I had known it would mean losing Joe, I'd do it all over again. That monster was going to..." my voice cracked again. I cleared my throat to get a grip. "I got there just in time, and if I'd tried to call for help it would have been too late. I had to do it." I explained softly.

"I know you did. I'd give my life in a second if someone could have saved my sister." he responded, his voice wavering with emotion. "When I found out you rescued that girl tonight….I don't know….it was like that huge hole in my soul that I've been living with since then got filled in a little bit. You made it right for someone else, even if it couldn't be Tara." He took my head in his hands and pulled me into his chest, burying his head in my hair. I rested in his embrace, and I could feel the exhaustion creep over me. The pain was still fresh and pulsing and my chest felt hollow. I thought about Tara. Then I thought about Libby. I realized that as much as I had just been through, they had been through worse. I would get through it, and move on, even though it would hurt like hell.

I raised my head to look at him. "She is such a beautiful little girl Bobby. She wouldn't let go of me from the moment she saw me. From the ambulance ride to the hospital, through all the exams and interviews she held onto me like her life depended on it. I was the only person that could make her feel safe again or get her to trust anyone. I saved her and took care of her, and there isn't a doubt in my mind that it was the most significant thing I've ever done in my entire life. She….she actually thought I was an angel that God sent her." I whispered as fresh tears streamed out of my eyes.

"I think she was right." Bobby said, brushing my hair behind my ear and kissing me on the forehead. "The other guys can call you 'Babe' and 'Bombshell,' but from now on I'm gonna call you Angel, okay?' he replied gently, his eyes full of tenderness.

"Okay." I sniffled.

"Hey Angel," he said, grinning.

"Yeah?" I answered, the corners of my mouth twitching in spite of myself.

"Happy Birthday."

Bobby took care of me for the next few hours, and we went to an all night diner to get some food and coffee since getting an hour's worth of sleep didn't seem worth bothering with. They had pie. I had two slices. He brought me to my apartment, where I showered and changed into my comfiest jeans and T-shirt. I put the white dress in the back of my closet, and I was pretty sure that I would never wear it again. But I was just as sure that I would keep it forever. I waited on the couch for him to load up Rex and my luggage in his car. I must have drifted off, because the next thing I knew I felt myself being carried down to the car too.

"Steph…wake up. We got a flight to catch." I felt a nudge on my shoulder, and I slid one eye open to see Mary Lou sitting next to me. I could hear planes flying overhead.

"Huh?" I answered groggily.

"Bobby dropped you and Rex off at my place and loaded you into the car. He explained everything Steph. I'm so sorry about Joe, but I'm proud of you for what you did." Mary Lou said with a big smile.

The memory of the night previous, well the couple of hours previous actually, came rushing back to me and I startled awake. With considerable effort, Mary Lou helped me to get all our bags on a cart and we eventually got onto the plane. I was out like a light before I even put on my seatbelt, and didn't wake up until we landed in Miami.


	16. Moping in Miami

**CHAPTER 16**

The first two days in Miami were nice, but not exactly as carefree as I imagined. I spend a lot of my time lying in bed upset or angry about Joe, and the rest helping Mary Lou sort and pack all Granny Lou's possessions into labeled boxes. It was a nice quaint little bungalow that was only a mile from the beach, and blocks away from the main tourist strip. It was only a two bedroom with a small kitchen, but it had been recently renovated and was painted in lots of bright cheery colors. There was a nice covered porch out front with a swing and a nice patio table where you could watch all the tourists and see the sun setting over the beach in the distance. I wandered along the main tourist strip the first day, but was concerned to find that I was too depressed to even shop. The air smelled wonderful and I could hear waves crashing in the distance, but I just couldn't bring myself to go to the beach just yet.

I tried to watch TV, and turned it off pretty soon after I saw the news footage on Libby's kidnapping and rescue. I was there, and didn't need to hear them tell the story wrong. I was happy to see an interview with a family representative that said Libby was home and doing very well, spending lots of time with her parents and extended family. The story had made the national news, and now my title of "Bombshell Bounty Hunter of Trenton, NJ" was spread across all fifty states since it was in front of the headline "…Rescues Kidnapped Girl." Kidnapped children often made national news, but I was reeling that now I was more than just local newsworthy fodder. I hadn't called my mother yet, but I had an inkling that she had already heard the news about the entire evening's events, including the showdown with Joe, several times over. I was not looking forward to that conversation, and was grateful that my busted cell phone was in an evidence locker somewhere at the Trenton PD property room.

Later that night I spent some time crying on Mary Lou's shoulder and recounted the whole evening leading up to the breakup, but I tried not to rely on her too much since I know it was a strain to be staying in her recently deceased grandmother's house packing her life away into boxes. As for me, every time I saw the pictures on the wall of Granny Lou and her husband, three children, nine grandchildren, and twenty one great grandchildren I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I may have passed up on my only chance to live a life like that surrounded by so much love and family. I'd probably be in one of those cheap nursing homes all alone and never have any visitors. One of those real nice places where they change your bed pan once a week whether you need it or not. I shuddered. At the end of the second day Mary Lou had finally had enough of my moping, and announced that we both needed to get out and have a little fun, since being cooped up wasn't doing either of us any good.

Mary Lou picked out my clothes and insisted I wear my red leather mini-skirt with a sleeveless cowl neck black top that tied around the neck and dipped pretty darn low. When she laid it out on the bed I looked at her like she was nuts and told her I wasn't planning on doing a distraction job, but she wouldn't back down and told me if I didn't wear it she would make me pack up her grandma's underwear drawer. We headed out to the strip as the sun went down and went inside a stylish looking seafood restaurant that had a terrace overlooking the beach.

"Stephie, this is serious. I'm really worried about you. I used to think it would take an act of God to upset you enough to lose your appetite, but I see that's not the case. You've barely eaten since Sunday, and haven't touched your plate tonight. I like it better when you are stress eating. For the love of Pete, I'll order the entire dessert menu if I have to!" she commanded with a friendly smile.

I looked down and realized she was right. Since when did I ever lose my appetite? Usually the snags in my life could be handled with a dozen Boston Creams, pints of ice cream, and Pino's. I dutifully put a piece of fried shrimp in my mouth, but somehow it just didn't taste as good as I thought it would. I looked out over the terrace and could see the sun setting over the ocean, ablaze with a myriad of colors fading into the West. I gazed at the beautiful sunset glittering off of the water and felt nothing. This sucked.

"I don't know Mary Lou…on the one hand I feel like I finally stood up for what I want in life, and didn't let Joe or the Burg push me around or try to change me. On the other hand I feel like maybe I just gave up my best chance to have a future with a healthy relationship, a family, and all the trimmings. Maybe Joe was right. Maybe I can't have that with anyone until I settle down and do what everyone else wants me to. But if the two things I want out of life can't happily co-exist together, then I guess I'm sort of screwed."

"Don't say that Steph!" she replied insistently. "Just cause things didn't work out with Joe doesn't mean they won't work out with anyone. You can be the type of wife and mother that you want to be, and your relationship and family doesn't have to look like everyone else's. As long as everybody's happy."

"Don't get me wrong when I say this, because you know I love you like a sister and I think Lenny and your kids and your life is great. But that advice coming from you is a little hard to swallow." I explained, hoping I didn't hurt her feelings.

"No offense taken. I love staying home, that's enough for me. But that's my choice, and Lenny and I went into our marriage agreeing on those roles for ourselves. I know it's traditional, but I'm happy with it anyway. I'm sure I might get bored if I didn't have you as a best friend though." she grinned, grabbing my hand across the table and giving it an affectionate squeeze.

"That's me, always keeping things interesting." I sighed. I could appreciate that coming from Mary Lou, but all the attention I got from almost everyone else seemed like it was for entertainment value, which made me feel like a dancing monkey sometimes.

"The thing is, I just can't see a future with anybody anymore, and it's scary. Every relationship I've ever had has crashed and burned, I have no prospects, and even if I did I really doubt they would be able to handle me as is without major life or personality modifications." I grumbled.

"Don't say that! You are amazing, and there's no shortage of men that could fall madly in love with you. You deserve a special guy, but I know that he's out there. And when you find him you can make your relationship and family anything you both want it to be. As for kids, as long as you love them and raise them with good values and discipline they turn out okay. The main thing you have to give your family is your time and attention. You don't have to stay home, work at a button factory, give up the things you love, or marry somebody mediocre to make that happen." she offered reassuringly.

"I hope you're right Mare. So are you done blowing sunshine up my ass now?"

"Yup. Let's get drunk."

"Sounds good to me!"

After we ate we wandered down the strip to go club hopping and do some dancing. I didn't really feel like it, but figured Mary Lou was right and if I did it anyway I might actually wind up enjoying myself. As we walked along, I was silently thankful that she hadn't mentioned Ranger at all since we'd arrived in Miami. I had enough on my mind processing the breakup with Morelli, actually trying to move on for real this time. Being totally available made the possibilities with Ranger, or lack thereof, absolutely overwhelming. Not ready for Ranger. Then again, Ranger wasn't ready for me…if I wanted an actual relationship with him. Crap. If I keep analyzing everything like this, my head's going to explode. What man would want a woman with just a body and no head? Scratch that idea…that would probably be most of the men I know.

We went into a club called the Golden Marlin, and it was already packed full of locals and tourists with dance music booming so loud I could only dimly hear Mary Lou urging me on to the bar. She promptly ordered me a Long Island iced tea, so I guess she was serious about getting me drunk. I don't remember much after that. I remember dancing...a lot. With several cute guys. Up close and personal. I remember turning down several offers to go home and get to know each other better. I remember Mary Lou dragging me out of the club around one am and stumbling down the street towards home. That was when my neck started to tingle, but I looked around and didn't see anyone or anything on the dark street. The feeling didn't go away until I was safe in bed, drifting off to sleep.

"Hey dirty dancer, you going to sleep all day?" a teasing voice rattled in my ear.

"Wha...mmm...hmmm...go away." I mumbled groggily. I heard a laugh in response.

"I've got fries and coke."

"I'm up, I'm up!" Sitting upright in bed turned out to be a mistake, as my head started to pound and my stomach reeled.

"Easy girl...rule one of hang over recovery is move slowly." Mary Lou snickered, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and helping to ease me out of bed.

We carefully made our way to the kitchen table, me making unintelligible grunts and groans along the way.

"You were a wild cat last night woman. You still got it! Half the men in the club were waiting in line to dance with you." she boasted.

"You've got to be kidding. I wasn't dancing topless was I?" I asked, popping a French fry into my mouth. It felt like I ate a cat last night, but hopefully the grease from the fries would dissolve away the aftertaste.

"No, but judging from the look of it, suffice to say you were not pining over Joe Morelli." she answered, her smile widening.

"If this is single life, I'm not looking forward to it." I grumbled, taking a sip of Coke.

"Don't say that! You just need to pamper yourself a bit and you'll feel better. Life is full of possibilities."

"Okay Mary Sunshine, cut the crap or I swear to God I'll throw you in the ocean." I snarled. She just threw her head back and laughed.

"Okay, I'll ease up. But we are going shopping today whether you like it or not." she declared with a stern look.

I sighed. There was no arguing with her when she had that expression. It was the same look she gave her kids right before she sent them to their rooms without supper. I relented, and after a couple of Tylenol and a very long shower we spent the rest of the day buying out the tourist shops. She forced me to get a manicure and pedicure, but I wouldn't let her talk me into getting my belly button pierced. It was tempting to do something drastic, but if I poked a hole in myself or got a tattoo after every breakup I would look like Swiss cheese dipped in ink by now. As the sun was going down and we wandered back to the house loaded down with our purchases, I was surprised to realize that I was feeling a bit better. Maybe I was already getting over Joe. Or maybe it was just the high from shopping. I certainly hoped not, or I was going to go broke pretty soon if I had to console myself everyday with a trip to Macy's. Mary Lou cooked up some fish we bought at a local market for dinner, and we spent the rest of the night watching some chick flicks we'd rented with a pile of popcorn between us. I fell asleep on the couch, and dreamed about jumping off of my parent's garage. But this time I actually flew.

Late the next morning I awoke to find a note from Mary Lou saying that she would be gone for several hours. She was taking the pickup we'd rented at the airport and dropping off different boxes of her Granny's stuff at the post office to mail to her mother, sell at consignment shops, and donating some of it to charity. I figured she'd be gone for a while, so I'd better find something to keep myself occupied. Something other than brooding about my misfortunes, since that was clearly not getting me anywhere. I'd been here three days already and hadn't gotten anywhere close to the beach and had made no progress on my tan, so it seemed like the thing to do.

I opened my suitcase and rummaged around, and pulled out the shiny silver string bikini I'd bought at Macy's a little over a week ago, though it felt like months ago. I'd figured at the time that since it was just me and Mary Lou and a bunch of people I'd never see again, who cared if I didn't have the ultimate beach body to pour into it as long as I got a good tan out of the deal. I sighed, a part of me wishing someone would be there to appreciate me wearing it, or at least a little bronze skin afterwards. After putting it on and slathering sunscreen everywhere I could reach, then put on a white cotton sarong skirt and matching halter as a cover up. Taking Mary Lou's advice, I decided to wander down the boardwalk to the beach club. A little pampering was just what I needed, so I threw my bag over my shoulder and headed out.

After hiking a mile in my flip flops I spied the entrance to what looked like a fancy health club, and walked through the doors. The receptionist gave me my pass, a clean towel, and assigned me to chair number eight close to the water. I paid for two hours of full service beach basking on their private section of the beach, including a thirty minute deep tissue massage. I headed out the oversized French doors and large deck leading out to the pristine sandy beach and crashing waves on the ocean. There was a white wooden picket with the number eight painted on it in red only yards from the lapping tide, and I plopped down on the sturdy lounger next to it. I had a lot of relaxing to do, so it was time to set up camp.

After laying down a towel I sat down, tossed off my flip flops, put on my extra dark sunglasses, and scattered my sunscreen and other beach essentials around me within easy reach. I stretched out on my back on the lounger and felt the sun soak into my skin and the ocean breeze brush across my body. The sensation was nothing short of incredible, and I could actually feel the stress that had built up for the week leaving my body. I took a deep breath in through my nose, then exhaled long and slow. At that moment there was no place on earth I'd rather be, and the hole that my life was in didn't feel as deep. I watched the deep blue water stretching endlessly before me, and listened to the sound of the waves crashing on the shore only a few feet away. Yeah...I was going to be all right.

A perky blond attendant walked up to take my drink order, and I finally ordered the long awaited top shelf frozen margarita with extra salt. After the exploits from the other night, I figured I should stop at one. "Ummmm...I was wondering...do you think it would be possible to request that my massage be given by a man? I wanted deep tissue, so I need someone with strong hands." I asked, hoping she would hook me up with the dark skinned cabana boy I'd been dreaming about to make the picture complete.

She smiled at me sweetly and replied "I'll see what I can do miss."

By the time she brought me back my margarita I was in the zone. Ranger had a zone, and I had finally found mine. There was something to be said for lying on the beach and doing no thinking whatsoever. My mind was a complete and total blank. This is what it must be like to be a man. That thought, combined with the tequila, made me giggle out loud.

After I finished what proved to be a very strong margarita I was also feeling quite buzzed. That little dose of liquid courage was all I needed to prompt tossing aside my top and skirt and splay my shiny string bikini clad body face down on the lounger so I could start on that much needed tan. I casually noticed that my bruises on my arms, wrist, and stomach had faded to yellow, so hopefully I could cover them with the excellent tan I was about to get. Almost asleep, I was dimly aware of tow sandal clad brown feet appearing next to me and a voice asking "Massage, senorita?" Ahhhh…my dark skinned cabana boy had arrived.

"Mmmm hmmmm" I replied languidly, pulling my hair out of the way and settling more comfortably on my stomach.

"Uno momento para petrolio caliente, senorita." Apparently my masseuse didn't speak English. Well, he certainly had a sexy voice, and if the bottoms of his legs were any indication the rest of him had some muscle to put into the task.

A moment later I felt him drizzle some oil across my back, and he began to work. The man had magic hands, and I groaned softly as he dug his fingers into my muscles, which were much tenser than I'd realized. He found a daisy chain of knots stretching across my left shoulder blade, and even though it was slightly painful to work them out, the release I felt afterwards was heavenly.

"Usted está muy tenso, bomba hermosa. Puedo fijar eso." I had no idea what he was saying, but as long as he kept going I didn't care if he was insulting me and my entire family with dirty words in Spanish. He worked his way down my spine, and his strong hands danced across muscles I didn't even know I had. He even massaged my calves and arms, which made me tingle a bit in other places. Just then, he slid the bikini string stretching across my back slightly up so he could work my right side at the bra line. He had found the mother ship. I winced at first, but he gently and persistently worked the huge knot out. It felt like a decade of relationship stress and Burg expectations just got massaged right out of me, and I let out a long moan in response.

"The last time I made you moan like that, it wasn't your back that I was massaging." he said, and I suddenly recognized the voice.

"Ranger!" I flipped over so fast that my sunglasses flew off and I ejected myself from the lounger and wound up on my ass in the sand.

"Babe."

"Oh my...Ranger! Wha...what are you doing here?" I chirped, standing up and brushing the sand off of my butt.

"Admiring the scenery." he answered, his eyes turning into deep, dark pools.

I looked down and remembered that I was wearing a metallic silver string bikini that left almost nothing to the imagination.

"I was just getting tan and I umm..." I tried to explain, looking around frantically for my gauzy white cover-up. As I hurriedly wrapped the top and skirt around my body it occurred to me that I wasn't the one that needed to explain myself.

"Seriously…what are you doing here?" I asked, hands on my hips.

"Happened to be in the neighborhood. Thought I might drop by." he answered, his chest rumbling with silent laughter. I took the opportunity to look him over, and couldn't help but notice how delicious he looked in black running shorts and a black sleeveless T shirt. Much less of him was covered up in the hot Miami sun than it usually was in balmy Trenton, and his rock hard muscles were much easier to appreciate this way. His hair was loose and hung in waves down his shoulders, and it was all I could do to stop myself from jumping on top of him and running my fingers through it. I wasn't the only one who noticed, as a waitress on the deck dropped a drink all over her patron with mumbled apologies and lots of furtive glances in our direction. I couldn't really blame her. The man was smoking hot.

"But how did you find me?" I asked. He just looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay, dumb question. So are you down here on business or pleasure?" I asked, knowing how stupid I sounded. Standing there half naked on a beach with Ranger in Miami was unexpected to say the least. It felt like I'd jumped into some parallel universe, and I was getting more nervous by the minute.

"Need your help on something." he answered.

"Ummm...I'm sort of on vacation here Ranger. I not surprised you're not familiar with the term. It's a brief period of time in which a person doesn't actually do any work. You should try it sometime." I answered with an eye roll.

In a second he was beyond the boundary of the lounger that had been between us, and stood so close to me if I moved at all I would touch him. I was pretty sure that would result in electrocution.

"Not work related Babe. And I do know how to enjoy myself." he answered, tracing a finger across my lips and down my chin, leaving a trail of fire behind. He ran his hand through my curls, and his eyes bored holes right through me.

"So umm...what do you need me to help with?" I managed to croak out, trying to ignore the shot of electricity that had bolted straight down to my doodah.

"There's someone that made me promise I would introduce the two of you, if you ever came to Miami. You're in Miami, and I never go back on my word." he answered, his eyes glittering.

I had a hard time believing that someone existed who could _make _Ranger promise anything. "I see my reputation has preceded me. I hope you told them it wasn't my fault. Who is it?" I asked, very curious about who would want to meet me so badly that they would risk backing Ranger into a corner.

"You'll see. Have dinner with us tonight." he replied, more of a command than a question.

"Okay. What should I wear?" I asked, my mind mentally rifling through my purchases from yesterday.

"Casual. Modest. And these." he answered, pulling a box out of nowhere that was covered in gold wrapping paper and large red bow. I looked at him quizzically, and he set the box on the sand next to the lounger and out of my reach. Guess that meant I'd have to open it later. "Happy Birthday Babe." he explained, giving me a full on smile.

"Thank you." I was bowled over by the gesture, more than a little undone by his dazzling smile, and sure that any minute I would melt into the sand and be washed away with the tide. "So what time?" I asked, taking my usual tactic of changing the subject.

"Six o'clock."

"Do you need directions to where I'm staying?" I questioned, but then clamped my mouth shut when I saw his eyebrow rise again. "Once again...dumb question. I'll be ready at six then."

He nodded his head almost imperceptibly, then stood there, making no move to leave. I considered excusing myself and going for a dip in the ocean to cool off in a literal and figurative sense, but that would involve taking my cover up off in front of Ranger.

His ESP must have gone into overdrive because his eyes turned dark again and in a dangerously deep voice he said "You'll never get a tan dressed like that." His hands moved to my waist, and he slid them slowly up, reaching the tie front of my top. In one tug he undid the knot, and flung open the gauzy blouse. He traced his fingers up my sides and rested them on my shoulders. Ever so slowly, he slid his hands down my upper arms, sliding my top off with it. It fluttered to the ground, and I got goose bumps. My nipples tightened, poking sharply against the shiny triangles of the bikini top so that they were clearly visible. He continued to run his hands down my arms until they rested on my waist, then his fingers found the tie on the sarong skirt. In a second quick tug, my skirt fell to the sand and I stood in front of him feeling very exposed. In one swift move he picked me up and placed me onto the lounger, and knelt beside me while raking his eyes up and down my body.

He grabbed the bottle of tanning oil poking out of my beach bag, and I gasped when he drizzled it down both of my legs. His eyes sparkled, and he set the bottle down and moved his hands to my ankles. He started to run his hands incredibly slowly up and down my legs, spreading the oil across my skin. When he reached my upper leg and teasingly worked the oil along my inner thigh, I arched my back and I could feel my sex throbbing with need. He dripped more oil on my belly, and all my muscles tensed as he slid his glistening dark hands across my pale skin. It was hypnotic to watch, and the sensation was erotic beyond my wildest imagination. He worked the same magic on my arms, and when he dribbled some oil in the center of my chest I was certain spontaneous combustion was possible. My eyes fluttered closed as he worked his hands back to my neck and untied the bikini top, letting the strings hang to the sides. A slight breeze would have exposed me, but I was beyond caring. His fingertips traced slippery circles across my shoulders, neck, and chest, leaving a slick wake of lust behind them. When he traced his fingers along the edges of the flimsy triangles covering my breasts my breathing became ragged. I wanted to ride him like a mustang right there on the beach. I wanted to suck his tongue into my mouth. I wanted to do things that were illegal in seven states.

When his hands left my body my eyes flew open. He was gone. He had vanished like smoke, leaving me panting like I'd just completed a triathlon. I didn't know it was possible to be so relaxed and sexually frustrated at the same time. I was rather glad he'd disappeared, because in about thirty more seconds I would have done something in public that could get me arrested. I laid there trying to slow my breathing back to normal, and remembered the present he'd set down in the sand.

I retied my top around my neck, reached over and grabbed it, and ripped off the paper like a kid at Christmas. It was a shoe box from Macy's. I lifted the lid an inch. I shut it. I lifted it again. Slammed it shut. Oh. My. God. It was THE shoes. The wicked golden lizard FMP's that I'd been drooling over last week. Ranger just bought me an $800 pair of shoes? It made sense now that he wouldn't let me open it in front of him, because I would have refused to accept such an expensive gift. Even from Ranger. I couldn't believe it...how did he know? I opened the box all the way and gawked at them, and saw a piece of paper folded up and wedged in the mouth of the ruby-eyed lizard. I pulled it out and unfolded it, holding my breath as I read:

_Looked startled the other night, so I owe you a pair of gold shoes. These had your name on them. _

_Called to wish you happy birthday midnight Saturday, but you were busy. Proud of you Babe. ~R_

* _Uno momento para petrolio caliente,_ _senorita_ = One moment for the hot oil, madam

* _Usted está muy tenso, bomba hermosa. Puedo fijar eso_. = You are very tense, beautiful Bombshell. I can fix that.


	17. Covergirl

**CHAPTER 17**

The entire walk home I scanned the shops for a hardware store, hoping that I could pick up a shower massager. I had to get all squeaky clean for my date with Ranger tonight after all. Well not exactly a date. Double date maybe... What person that he knew would want to meet me so badly? How did they know enough about me to want to meet? Sure, my name was in the papers across the country right now, but that was only a few days ago. I continued to wonder as I stripped off my bikini and stepped into the shower. Maybe it was someone from Rangeman. I recalled that he had a branch office in Miami. I let the water stream down my body until it turned cold, still no closer to figuring out what the man of mystery had planned for tonight.

I watched some TV and snacked on some chips and salsa we had bought from the corner store, then fixed a sandwich to go with it. I spent the rest of the afternoon laying out my clothes and going back and forth between outfits. Casual. Modest. Men didn't understand that it took hours to pick just the right outfit so that it didn't look like you were trying too hard to impress.

Mary Lou came home sometime after that, and I thought my eardrums would burst when she squealed loud enough to shatter the windows after I told her about my encounter with Ranger. We finally settled on a simple cotton turquoise sundress with spaghetti straps with a dropped waist. It was a little too casual when I placed the shoes next to it, but fortunately I'd just bought a gold chain belt with small coins dangling off of it would balance out the two. I slung the belt low on my hips, put on some small gold hoop earrings and called the outfit done. By the time I finished my hair, which looked fabulous thanks to the miracle goop of Alexander's, it was 5:30. That left me precious little time to do my makeup. I kept it simple, especially since my face already had a healthy glow to it from an afternoon in the sun, and my skin was still glistening from the tanning oil that never quite came out in the shower. I swiped on some clear gloss and sat down on the bed to strap on the shoes. My toes actually tingled when I slid them on and buckled the gold band of sparkling gems around my ankle. I felt like royalty, and it seemed like a crime that something so beautiful and exotic should ever be allowed to touch the ground. Reluctantly I walked on them, and the fine golden tassels that dripped down from the band and surrounded my ankle swayed seductively as I moved. Ohhh yeah.

"Umm...Steph! Your ride is here." Mary Lou yelled from the front room. My ride?

I walked to the front door where Mary Lou stood with a huge smile plastered on her face. I peeked around the doorjamb to see a limousine, black of course, in front of the house. The driver opened the door and actually tipped his hat. I looked at Mary Lou with my mouth gaping open, and she just kept on grinning. When I approached the limo the driver addressed me.

"Mr. Manoso will be meeting you at the restaurant madam." I had assumed he would pick me up, but then again he just told me to be ready by six. Not like I'm complaining about riding in a limo mind you. As the sun set across Miami I rode to the restaurant full of anticipation about what would happen next. Maybe Mary Lou was right...life was full of possibilities. After about twenty minutes of me stretching myself every which way I could across the spacious seats of the limousine so that I could get the most out of the experience, we pulled up to a Japanese restaurant called Genroku. Giant torches lit up both sides of the entrance, and as I went down the walkway leading into the restaurant I saw that on either side were Japanese gardens with huge ponds full of beautiful multicolored koi fish. The hostess seemed to recognize me somehow as soon as I walked in, as she called me by name. She guided me towards a private back room and peeled open a curtain, motioning for me to walk through. I hesitated for a moment, nervous about what waited beyond them. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next.

I turned my head as I noticed motion and looked right at Ranger, who was getting out of his chair. He was wearing a black short sleeve shirt that buttoned down the front over some black chinos, and his hair was tied back. His Latino looks were as handsome as ever in the dim light, but that wasn't what had my attention.

"She's here! It's her!" a young voice rang out excitedly. Standing next to Ranger was a girl of about ten, dressed in a matching yellow skirt and blouse jumping up and down. She had long wavy black hair that stretched past her waist, and wore a smile that could put the sun to shame. She was very pretty and I knew would grow into a knockout someday, but I could only imagine it's because she took after her father.

"Esper, remember your manners." Ranger cautioned in a stern voice, but his face betrayed him as his eyes sparkled in amusement.

"Yes Daddy." she replied, sounding contrite. Ranger placed a protective hand on her back and they both walked over to me. His eyes met mine and I knew the surprise showed on my face. He nodded at me silently, and I must have developed ESP at that moment because I knew he was trying to tell me what a tremendous amount of trust he had in me to allow this to happen. I nodded back in understanding.

She stuck out her small hand to me. "I'm Esperanza Felina Manoso. And you're Stephanie Plum.

Pleased to meet you." I took her small hand in mine and her hearty handshake made me smile.

"Nice meet you too Esperanza." I tried to say her name with the rolled R's, but I'm sure I didn't do it justice. I thought it was the most beautiful name I'd ever heard.

"I didn't know if I'd ever get to meet you since you don't come to Miami all the time like Daddy does. He promised me I could if you came. I know all about you. He talks about you all the time." she declared. I looked up at Ranger and his eyes had widened slightly at his daughter's admission. I don't know how I did it or if I could ever repeat it, but I could feel one of my eyebrows go upwards as I looked at him with the unspoken question hanging between us. I shot him a sly smile. This was going to be fun. Ranger just shook his head and sighed. Looks like the one person that could outmaneuver Ricardo Carlos Manoso was under five feet tall and in grade school.

"Oh really? Well he told me about you, and I've been hoping to meet you for a long time too." I answered honestly. Ranger cocked his head slightly at this.

"Daddy doesn't tell anybody about me except Uncle Tank, Uncle Lester, and Uncle Bobby. Cause I have to stay safe." she explained, with a solemn face. "So if he told you then he thinks you are pretty special." she answered, looking me up and down.

"Why don't we have a seat. Our chef will be coming soon." Ranger interrupted. I happily obliged. He may have disrupted his daughter's admissions for now, but he wasn't getting off that easy. Something told me I was going to learn more about the man in the next two hours than I'd learned in the last two years. We sat down around the square table with Ranger in the middle with his back facing the entrance of the room. No surprise there. His daughter was facing me, and as soon as my butt hit he chair Esperanza started to pepper me with questions. Apparently she had not inherited her father's predilection for two word sentences, and I found her complete lack of shyness charming. She asked me if I had any pets, how many brothers and sisters I had, and if I knew how to swim.

"I have a hamster named Rex, one sister named Valerie, and I can swim, although I'm better at sinking." I answered.

"I wish I had a sister. I just have a cat." she said with a frown, looking at Ranger. He gave her a stern look back and she clamped her mouth shut.

I leaned over close to Ranger with smug look and whispered "I think I just figured out why you don't talk very much." Looks like it was because he was used to not getting a word in edgewise.

"Well I like my hamster better than my sister most of the time, so I wouldn't be too jealous." I offered.

"So was she scared?" she asked me, her eyes wide with curiosity.

"Was who scared?" I asked her, unsure what she was referring to.

"The girl you rescued."

"Libby?" I answered, stunned at the question. I looked at Ranger, unsure how to proceed. This was tough subject matter, and I thought back to the speech Ranger had given in my kitchen about lost innocence. But once again, he read my mind.

"My daughter is well aware that there are dangerous people in the world. She knows that's why she has bodyguards and lives here with her mother and stepfather. It's okay." he answered softly. The lines around his eyes deepened at the admission. I could tell that fact pained him greatly.

"Yes. She was very scared. She was also very brave. The only person I know that is braver than her is your father." I told her, my eyes meeting his. Esperanza beamed with pride at the latter part of my pronouncement.

"I think you're brave too. Daddy says that being brave means doing something even when you are really scared to. I bet that was scary." she replied.

"Yes, it was very scary. But she's safe now. Your Daddy's right about what it means to be brave. He's right about a lot of things."

"Not everything..." she grumbled. That got her another stern look from Ranger. "Sorry Daddy." she said apologetically. If he thought that was disrespectful, he was in for a real wake up call when she turned thirteen. The moment every girl becomes a teenager they want to pretend that they've moved out into their own apartment and have no parents. I really hoped I would be around to see how he handled that.

"So are you out of school for the summer?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Yes. But they gave us a long list of books to read and we are supposed to pick ten of them. I'm on my twentieth!" she bragged. "Daddy reads a lot too. But his books are boring and never have any pictures." she declared.

That made me laugh. "I'm pretty impressed. That is a lot of books. Do you like the Babysitters Club?" I asked, remembering my favorite book series when I was her age. Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. She hadn't inherited her father's blank expressions either.

"Yes they're my favorite!"

"They were my mine too."

"Will you give me your autograph? Otherwise when I bring it for show and tell in the fall no one in my class will believe that I met you." she asked, leaning down to pull something out from under her chair.

"Ummm...sure." This was getting weird. Why would Batman's daughter want _my _autograph? She walked over to my side of the table and put a black marker down next to a copy of Newsweek.

I gasped. It was an issue titled "Child Abductions; The American Pedophile," and there I was larger than life underneath the caption. In the glossy cover photo I was holding Libby, and all you could see of her was the back of her lavender nightgown and curly red hair flying everywhere, with her arms and legs holding onto me for dear life. I was in the white satin dress, and just like Marilyn the wind from the helicopter that had been above us had my skirt flying up and showing my legs all the way up to my mid thighs. My legs were spread apart in a strong stance, balanced precariously on my silver high heeled sandals. The leaves were flying off of the trees from the woods in the background with red and blue tones of the police light bars reflecting off their surface, and the dust rose up on all sides of us, giving the photo an ethereal quality. The lights from the flashbulbs made the diamonds I was wearing sparkle, and my curly brown hair was flying wildly around my head. I had an intense glare on my face, but it looked strong and intimidating without being angry or contorted. I didn't know my eyes could look like that. It was right before I told them all to leave her alone, that she'd been through enough already. It was the most amazing photograph, and my breath hitched in my throat as I saw myself the way I'd always wanted to. I was Wonderwoman. I didn't even need the lasso or invisible jet. My eyes grew wet, and my hand shook as I grabbed the marker.

Ranger watched his daughter as she looked at me like I really was some kind of superhero, then his eyes met mine. I remembered from his note in my birthday gift _'Proud of you Babe.' _That's what his eyes were saying to me now, even though his face was blank. I swallowed thickly while I finished signing my name. At that moment our chef walked in pushing a very large square cart with an electric griddle on top. It was then I realized we were going to be treated to hibachi tonight, and I relaxed as the intensity of the moment passed. The picture was still burned in my brain though, and I would have to grab a few copies of Newsweek myself. Who was I kidding? My Grandma probably had a hundred copies and was handing them out on the street corners.

"What can I say? My Baby loves hibachi." Ranger said with another head shake. I threw my head back and laughed. This was not the sort of restaurant I imagined that Ranger would ever frequent if it wasn't for his daughter. Esperanza darted back to her seat, wiggling in anticipation. As the waitress brought our drinks and Ranger ordered a plate of sushi, the chef started tossing and flinging his ingredients on the griddle. This was as much dancing as it was cooking. The knife juggling was also pretty impressive, and his daughter's eyes were wide with wonder. But my favorite part of the evening was when the chef was bouncing a whole raw egg back and forth on two flexible spatulas without breaking it. As he was about to break the egg onto the griddle in mid air and catch the shells for the grand finale, he miscalculated when he bounced the egg on the spatula to fling it in the air. It catapulted right past Ranger's head and splattered on the wall behind him. Batman actually flinched. The hibachi chef just shrugged his shoulders, smiled, and declared "Bad egg. Bad egg!" Esperanza and I almost fell out of our chairs laughing, though Ranger didn't look amused.

The food was delicious, and Esperanza and I chattered back and forth through the whole meal. She was more intelligent than I would expect from a ten year old, but this was no ordinary man's daughter and I imagined she received the best private education available. She had the same wit, charm, and ability to read between the lines that her father had, but with none of his reserved mannerisms. I felt an instant deep affection for her. I did still find it a little unnerving the way she kept looking at me like I was some sort of celebrity, and seemed awfully interested to know everything about me. I managed to get over the feeling that I was being interviewed, and we talked easily throughout the meal.

"That was excellent!" I announced, putting down my fork. "What's for dessert?" I asked.

"Yeah Daddy...what's for dessert?" Esperanza echoed.

"Sugar is bad for you Baby." Ranger answered, crossing his arms over his chest. It hadn't occurred to me that Ranger was probably trying to pass along his healthy habits to his daughter, and I was foiling his efforts.

"Please Daddy...I always just eat fruit for dessert. I ate all the vegetables. We never get to go out to restaurants cause you say it isn't safe. Tonight is special." she begged. The girl made a convincing argument, and I was saddened by the realization of how sheltered her life was if it wasn't even safe enough for Ranger to be seen in public with her.

"Esper." he cautioned.

"Please Ranger. Just for tonight. We'll split one." I offered, teaming up with his daughter. He just looked at me with his mouth drawn in a tight line.

"Come on Ranger." I said, rolling my eyes at him.

"Come on Dad." Esperanza said, rolling her eyes. Whoops. Ranger's eyebrows both shot up, and Esperanza's head ducked into her shoulders. Looks like I was being a bad influence. I shrugged my shoulders in silent apology. He let out a long breath, and motioned over the waitress.

"One green tea ice cream with daigakuimo and two spoons." Ranger ordered, a hint of reluctance in his voice.

Esperanza and I high fived across the table, while Ranger shook his head again. The waitress brought back some green ice cream and some sort of sugared sweet potato dish. It wasn't exactly Ben and Jerry's or pineapple upside down cake, but far be it from me to criticize anything that fell in the category of dessert. It was absolutely delicious, and I leaned back in my chair to digest.

"So will you come snorkeling with us tomorrow?" Esperanza blurted out.

"Esper." Ranger voiced with warning. She bit her lip and gave pause, but persisted anyway.

"But Daddy, she said she could swim."

"Usted sabe mejor. Siempre pregunte mi permiso." he answered sharply.

"Por favor Papá. Yo la quiero que venga. Será divertido." she replied.

"Compórtese usted mismo y yo lo considerarán." he said with the same stern tone as before.

"Lo siento a papá. Seré más respetuoso." she responded, lowering her head respectfully.

There was a minute of silence at the table, and I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. I had no idea what they were saying but I knew it involved me. "Ummm...don't worry about it. I have a busy day tomorrow anyway. My best friend and I have some work we need to do on the house we're staying at."

"Stephanie, would you like to come snorkeling with us tomorrow? My daughter would like you to join us." Ranger asked slowly, his eyes never leaving his daughter's.

Her eyes lit up again, and she looked at me expectantly. "Well I suppose I could fit it in." I said slowly, hoping that I was doing the right thing.

"We'll pick you up at seven." he told me, rising out of his chair. "That means it's bedtime for the both of you."

The man knew me well. Snorkeling was probably an extreme sport if you tried to perform it while sleeping. I gathered my purse and stood up to leave. "I'll see you both tomorrow morning then. Sleep well Esperanza." I think my rolled R sounded a bit better this time.

"You too!" she answered with a wave as Ranger ushered her towards a curtain I hadn't noticed before at the other end of the private room. I gave her a finger wave back.

"Emmanuel is waiting for you in the limo out front." he said, turning his head my direction. He flicked the curtain aside, revealing a back entrance. They walked quickly through it, and I saw his hand move behind his back and rest along the waistband of his chinos, poised and ready next to the gun I knew lay just beneath the fabric of his shirt. As the door shut behind him I let out a breath I'd been holding for the last few minutes.

I rode in the limo back to the house, lost in my own thoughts. The man I'd seen tonight was a whole other side of Ranger, but somehow he was still the same man I knew. Just a little more human. Before this evening, I had no idea what his daughter was like or what he was like as a father, but as I went over the dinner in my head everything was just how I would have pictured it. He was a wonderful father, strict but loving, just like I knew he would be. His daughter was beautiful inside and out, just like I knew she would be.

I was moved that he had allowed the meeting tonight, and I realized that it had everything to do with the cover of that magazine. Ranger trusted me enough to tell me about his daughter some time ago, when only Tank, Lester, and Bobby were privileged with that information. But actually letting me meet her and get close to her was another thing entirely. It meant he trusted me on a whole other level. Of course he trusted me to back him up, and he'd seen that I'd been behind him when he went FTA. His daughter was another matter, because she meant more to him than anything. It wasn't until he saw that I was willing to risk my life to save a little girl I'd never met before that he'd let me meet Esperanza and learn anything real about that side of his life. It meant that he expected me to risk death to protect her. That if it came down to it and someone wanted me to reveal her whereabouts, he knew I would die first before I allowed that. That was why tonight had happened.

"So what happened?" Mary Lou said excitedly, swinging the door open as I stepped out of the limo.

"Not much. Had dinner. Met a coworker of his that had read about me in the paper. Came home." I answered casually with a shrug of my shoulders.

"Is that it?" she frowned.

"Afraid so." I sighed, trying to look disappointed. "I think I'm going to get up early and go visit some of the local museums tomorrow." I told her. I knew how much she hated museums ever since she wet her pants at the local Natural History Center when she was in elementary school, and all the kids made fun of her.

"You do that. Have fun. I think I'd rather clean out that underwear drawer." She responded with a scowl. I snickered, and passed by her into the bedroom, where I fell fast asleep.

_*Usted sabe mejor. Siempre pregunte mi permiso = _You know better. Always ask my permission_._

_*Por favor Papá. Yo la quiero que venga. Será divertido= _Please Daddy. I want her to come. It will be fun.

_* Compórtese usted mismo y yo lo considerarán = _Behave yourself and I'll consider it.

*_ Lo siento a papá. Seré más respetuoso = _I'msorry Daddy. I'll be more respectful.


	18. Oceans Apart

**CHAPTER 18**

In the morning I put on a light green one piece swimsuit that was much more modest than the bikini from yesterday, and threw on some jeans and a white T-shirt over it. I was waiting on the porch at seven when a black Lincoln Navigator pulled up to the front of the house, and I could barely made out Ranger's profile through the dark tinted windows, as well as a smaller figure sitting in the back seat.

"Good morning Stephanie!" Esperanza greeted me from the backseat as I climbed into the passenger seat next to Ranger. She was way too awake and chipper for 7am…no question who she inherited that from. Good thing I'd already had two cups of coffee. Ranger turned his head to me and nodded a greeting. I noticed that he hadn't called me "Babe" in front of his daughter at all.

"So have you ever been snorkeling before?" she asked as Ranger started driving.

"No, so you'll have to show me the ropes." I answered.

"It's easy. Just don't let the water go in your snorkel, and spit in your goggles so they don't fog up. Daddy says that young ladies shouldn't spit, but it's okay if you're snorkeling." she explained matter of factly.

"Is that so? What else does your Dad say?" I asked, grinning at Ranger.

"No kissing boys." he answered, the corners of his mouth twitching.

"Ewwww gross!" she declared, her face contorting with disgust. I threw my head back and laughed at that one, and I could hear the barely audible rumble of Ranger laughing.

I turned to look at Esperanza, noticing her yellow swim suit and cut off shorts. Looks like her favorite color was yellow, a far cry from Ranger's basic black. Her wavy raven hair was stunning, and she had to move it to the side so that she wouldn't sit on it. It occurred to me that hair that long would go everywhere and get horribly tangled in the water. I know a thing or two about tangled hair.

"That won't do at all." I declared. "We've got to get your hair braided or you'll be combing it out for an hour. I have an extra rubber band in my purse." I grabbed my purse off of the floorboard and climbed over the console into the back seat, and buckling myself in next to Esperanza.

"Okay!" she answered excitedly. I decided to surprise her with an elegant inverted French braid off center on her forehead that crossed diagonally over the back of her head and ended in a long braid that rested easily on her shoulder. I'd envied all my friends with straight hair when I was growing up, so I had spent hours volunteering to braid their hair at slumber parties and during lunch hour, eyeing their smooth locks with longing.

As I ran my fingers through her silky black waves, I could feel Ranger watching us intently through the rearview mirror. It took the entire car ride, but when I was done it looked perfect. She ran her fingers along the braid and turned to give me a smile even more dazzling than her father's.

"Daddy! Look at what Stephanie did!" she exclaimed.

"You look beautiful Baby." Ranger replied, and I could see his eyes glance at me through the mirror as he eased the car to a stop at a private marina. We exited the truck, and Ranger took her hand and led the way to a sleek small yacht anchored at the far dock. I looked over the white prow of the yacht and decided that it had to be the only thing with a motor Ranger owned that wasn't black.

A few minutes later we were skimming across the water to a shallow cove. I closed my eyes as the fresh sea air whipped my hair around, in part so that I wouldn't lust after Ranger in front of his daughter. He had taken off his shirt to reveal his bronze skin only covered by a pair of black trunks. The engine was too loud to talk over, so I surreptitiously glanced now and then at his broad back muscles rippling as he drove the boat towards a secluded coral reef. Esperanza sat next to him at the helm looking out eagerly towards the ocean and occasionally turning back to me and smiling. The wind tossed her braid around, and she went over and stood next to her father and wrapped her arms around his waist. He possessively placed an arm around her. Seeing that simple gesture hit me hard, and I could sense my feelings for Ranger growing deeper.

After dropping the anchor we all put on our gear and slid into the water. Ranger and Esperanza gave me a lesson in the basics of snorkeling, and then we swam together towards the reef. I had been a little nervous sliding off my jeans and being around Ranger in nothing but a one piece swimsuit, but having his daughter there was a definite safe guard. On the way I accidentally got some water in my snorkel, but with some brief instruction I got the hang of it pretty quickly.

We approached the coral reef and I was amazed by the myriad of bright colors with the sun dancing through the water and sparkling across its living surface. I felt Esperanza grab my left hand and pull me to the right, and I turned to see her grabbing Ranger's hand with her other one and pulling us both in the direction of a giant school of fish. As we got closer I realized that there were literally thousands of small fish in an immense school feeding on something in a flurry of activity. They were all a neon yellow color and glittered as they swam, and we must have treaded water there for ten minutes watching them. It was so amazing to watch how they all moved simultaneously as though they were of one mind or body, and I was absolutely mesmerized. That must have been why I didn't notice when Esperanza tugged my hand over and joined it with Ranger's.

I suddenly became aware of my surroundings as I saw her dive down past me to examine some bright pink sea anemones. I turned to see that Ranger was staring at me and not the school of fish. He gave my hand a squeeze, then let go and dived down after her. I wasn't sure whether I should follow, so I spent some time exploring the area and dove down a few times. I stayed near the boat, but did wander close to the reef later to join them as they looked at a colony of iridescent green plants that swayed in the current and hid a small family of bright blue fish.

After about an hour I was getting pretty tired, though I'm sure Ranger and Esperanza could have gone on for another hour. I went back onto the boat and rested on the deck, letting the morning sun dry me off. They joined me soon afterwards. Esperanza met me on the bench seat at the rear of the boat and chattered away excitedly about the seahorses and giant sea turtle they had seen. Ranger started up the boat and we headed back to the marina. Esperanza stayed by my side for the rest of the boat ride, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I like you Stephanie." she said suddenly, smiling at me.

"I like you too." I answered back, giving her shoulders an affectionate squeeze.

"Daddy took the picture from the magazine cover and folded it up and put it in his wallet. I saw him looking at it." Esperanza said suddenly. I felt my stomach drop into my feet. She continued on, watching my reaction intently.

"I think my Dad likes you, but not just likes you. I think he _like_ likes you." she said just loud enough for me to hear. I just sat there speechless.

"Do you like him? Like _really_ like him?" she asked, staring intensely. So much for the tan, I was probably ten shades of pale white right now. Ranger had kept his distance and remained almost aloof from the second I'd been in her presence, but this was a pretty perceptive little girl I was dealing with. And I didn't know what to think about the picture of me in his wallet. I'm sure the shock showed in my face, but I tried for a quick recovery.

"We are very good friends, and I care about him a lot. But the special lady in his life is you." I answered, hoping my eye didn't twitch. She cocked her head and continued to stare at me for a bit, then sighed and looked away. We didn't speak for the rest of the boat ride. Ranger turned to look at us a few times, but with the roar of the engine I knew he wasn't within earshot and couldn't have heard our conversation.

When we got back to the marina I saw a limousine with the driver from the other night and a burly looking bodyguard standing beside it. Ranger took his daughters hand and walked quickly ahead of me towards the waiting limo.

"I'll see you at home later baby. I'm taking Stephanie home and she'll be flying back to Trenton, so say goodbye." he said rather abruptly.

"But Daddy…"

"No discussion." he replied sternly.

His behavior stunned me, but I walked over and gave her a quick hug and told her how glad I was to have met her. She looked sad and frowned at her father, but I told her that I was sure he would tell her more funny stories about me soon. She smiled weakly and gave me a tight hug before Ranger ushered her into the back seat and gestured for the driver to take her home.

I followed behind Ranger as he walked towards the truck. Not a word was spoken as he drove me back to Granny Lou's house, and I was slightly angered by his brusque mannerisms back at the marina. He stopped the truck a block away from the house and turned to look at me.

"I think I made a mistake in letting her meet you." he said.

"Well…don't hold back. Tell me how you really feel." I answered sarcastically, insulted by his harsh proclamation. If I wasn't so pissed off at him right now I'd be astonished that he admitted to making an error in judgment.

"Stephanie…I just don't want to give her the wrong impression. She wants something for me that I don't want."

I had heard enough. I'd had my heart crushed to dust only days previous by Joe, and I didn't need Ranger explaining to me in detail why he didn't want me. It was just more than I could handle at the moment, and I didn't even have it in me to tell him off. I simply got out of the car and slammed the door of the truck in his face, walking quickly to the house and shutting the door behind me without looking back. I didn't cry, but I think it was because I didn't have any tears left.


	19. Moonlight Motorcycle Ride

**CHAPTER 19**

_**SMUT WARNING**_

I distracted myself the rest of the day helping Mary Lou pack up the rest of the boxes, and doing some cleaning and redecorating. She had decided to make the house a rental property, and in the next three days she'd be finalizing all the arrangements. She could tell I wasn't in a good mood, but didn't ask why and I didn't tell. I'm sure she assumed I was still upset about Joe, when actually now I was pissed off at the other man in my life that had managed to make me feel about two inches tall. Ever since Ranger and I had spent that night together after the DeChooch deal, I'd erected a wall to keep him at a safe distance. But in my current vulnerable state, I'd let the barriers slip when he had introduced me meet his daughter, and my feelings for him got stronger. Why should it surprise me that the feelings weren't returned when he'd never given me good reason to believe that they ever would be? But why did he keep bringing me further into his life if he didn't want me? And why the hell did he have a picture of me in his wallet?

I took a shower and went to bed early, tired from the day of swimming, manual labor, and mental rumination. I fell asleep in a white shirt and panties, and dreamt that I was really old and living alone in Granny Lou's house. It was dilapidated and the paint was peeling, and I sat rocking on the porch swing surrounded by cats watching the world pass me by.

I woke with a start, sensing a presence in the room. I turned to look at my clock and saw that it was just after midnight. Ranger stood next to the bed, backlit by the bedroom window. He didn't say a word, and just set a pair of my jeans and a leather jacket I'd never seen before that was in my size on the bed next to me. He nodded, then turned and walked out of the bedroom towards the front door.

Following the cue, I got dressed and followed him outside. I must be a glutton for punishment, but I couldn't resist the pull he had on me. I am self aware enough to know when I'm being pathetic and tragic, but too impulsive to stop myself most of the time.

He sat astride a gleaming Vulcan motorcycle, black of course, looking delicious in a leather jacket. He motioned me over wordlessly, and I straddled the bike behind him as he helped me get my helmet on. After putting on his own helmet he reached behind and grabbed my arms, wrapping them around his body and clasping my hands together at his waist. It pressed me close against his back, and I sighed helplessly at the power he had over me. The scent of Bulgari and leather was intoxicating. He started up the motorcycle and began to drive.

I had no idea where he was taking me, but for the moment I didn't care. I relaxed into him and the feeling of the motorcycle roaring underneath me, with the wind whipping around us. He turned onto Ocean Drive and took us along the winding road overlooking the scenic coastline. The feeling of freedom and calm I got from riding on a motorcycle was almost a religious experience, and I wouldn't have cared if he drove around Miami aimlessly for hours. As it was, he drove for almost thirty minutes to a secluded beach with no other civilization in sight. We took off the helmets and jackets and laid them across the seat. Then he opened the saddlebag and removed a blanket, took my hand, and guided me across the dunes towards the water. Spreading the blanket out a dozen yards away from the breaking tide, he sat down and held out a hand for me to join him. I complied, sitting a foot away and hugging my knees close to my chest. We stared out over the water side by side, not speaking for some time.

"You didn't let me finish." he said suddenly. I turned to look at him.

"When I said I gave my daughter the wrong impression, I didn't mean to imply that I don't care about you deeply. I do. But I don't want to lead her to believe in some happy ending that can never happen for me." he stated, his eyes intense.

"Yeah, I remember. Your life doesn't lend itself to relationships. Care to explain why you can't have a happy ending?" I asked sardonically, not expecting him to answer. I was shocked when he actually did.

"Because I've made some severe choices in life. Those choices have consequences. Too many of them have affected her life." he said with a touch of sadness in his voice.

"I don't understand…" I replied, frustrated at his cryptic brief explanations. At the same time I was engrossed in his every word, because he was still revealing much more than he usually did.

"For starters you've barely gotten a glimpse of what it takes to protect her from all of the enemies that I've created, or how much of life it has cheated her out of. There have been too many close calls. I won't do that to anyone else." he answered with resolve.

"Ranger…even so, she's so lucky to have a man like you as a father. You're giving her a good life, even with the sacrifices that have come along with it. She's a smart, beautiful, confident, happy little girl. And she's so much like you, but not quite so mysterious." I answered, gazing at the contours of his face lit by the full moon glowing above us.

He sighed in response, the lines around his eyes deepening. "I don't want her to be like me. I became this way because my life demanded it. The control and secrecy is necessary, and it's not an easy life to lead. And it keeps me from giving her everything that I want to." he explained, staring out across the sea and not meeting my eyes.

"I don't know Ranger. I sure all of us could use a little of your kind of self control. In case you haven't noticed I'm a tad impulsive and have a tendency to say whatever is on my mind." I responded candidly. I couldn't begin to count the number of times I'd wished that I could emulate the man in black.

"That's what I love about you most, that you aren't like me." Ranger declared, turning to me and gripping my hand tightly in his. He stared at me with piercing eyes that almost frightened me.

"Everything you feel is so intense and pure. I see it in your eyes, your body, your face. I hear it in your voice. You never hide from me. There is no hardness, no darkness in you…only courage and hope. I don't want you to change or have to lead a hard life. I envy the freedom that you have…" he said, trailing off. His hand loosened on mine, and his lips tightened in a line, as though he had said more than he'd wanted to.

I was astonished, and I took his hand back into mine and squeezed. "Then you can't be so bad if I feel this way about you." I leaned in and brushed my lips against his, closing my eyes and pouring all the raw emotion swirling around inside me into the kiss.

He pulled away, his eyes closed and the muscles of his arms tense as he braced his hands on my shoulders to keep us apart. "There are things you don't know about me. Things no one knows about me."

"Big fucking deal Ranger! I've resigned myself to that fact for years. I barely know anything about you. But in case you haven't noticed, that's never seemed to matter enough to me to keep myself away from you. Even when I've been told repeatedly that you are some sort of dangerous criminal!" I answered defiantly, huddling back into my seated position next to him and staring at the frothy waves licking against the shore.

"That's because you have no self control." he answered.

"Quit using my words against me! You know, maybe you're the one that needs to be more like me." I snapped back, my chest heaving with anger and flashing my eyes at him.

"You're so damn beautiful when you're angry Babe. You're the only person in my life that I lose control around." he answered, grabbing me and kissing me aggressively. I fell back against the blanket and settled into the soft sand, with Ranger melting on top of me. His hands caressed my waist and slid up under my shirt as he plunged his hot tongue into my mouth. I threw my arms around his neck and met his passion, wrapping my legs around him and tangling our bodies together on the blanket. I moaned into his mouth when I felt his hard need pulsing against my stomach.

"Babe…we need to stop this now or I might really lose control." he said, holding his body still and breathing sharply.

I wasn't much better off, and had to catch my breath to answer him. "Remind me why that could be a bad thing."

"I don't want to hurt you, and I know you've just been hurt badly."

"You said once if you put your mind to it you could make me forget Morelli."

"Do you remember everything I've ever said?" he questioned with a suggested smile flashing across his face.

"Pretty much…it's not like you usually give me much to work with. After all, do you ever really answer a direct question?" I grumbled.

"Do you want me to make you forget Morelli?" he asked.

I give up…he was better at this game than I was. I tried to ignore the warmth of his body on top mine and paused for a minute, considering the question.

"No. I'll never forget him, but I'm moving on." I answered. And I knew it was true. I could already feel myself letting go. I had no idea what the future held, and I knew there probably wasn't one with Ranger. But at the moment, I ceased to give a damn. I just closed my eyes and took a deep breath of sea air, held it for a moment, and breathed out a deep sigh of release. It's like I could feel some form of energy being expelled from me, riddled with the pain and broken dreams I'd been holding inside.

My throat tight with emotion, I opened my eyes and locked with his. I leaned into his ear and whispered "Just give me something to remember." That was all it took.

His lips met mine hungrily while his hands moved up my shirt and roughly shoved my bra above my breasts. I gasped as a warm hand cupped a breast firmly and squeezed, while his lips worked their way down to my neck and sucked gently at the tender flesh underneath my ear. My hands wandered down to his waist and slid underneath his black jeans, grasping the firm muscles that lay beneath.

The warmth of his body enveloped me as he pressed himself into me, and the cool sea breeze gave me goose bumps where it blew across the bare skin of my arms. I moved my hands to the nape of his neck and removed the leather thong holding his hair back, and the silken black waves spilled down around my face as I ran my fingers through it. He kissed me fiercely and plucked at my nipple with his fingers, while grinding his pelvis into mine. I moaned into his mouth when I felt his groin hot and throbbing against my sex. I whimpered with loss as he slid down my body to suckle my nipples into his hot mouth, but quickly forgot my dismay and moaned loudly as he teased and licked the points of my breasts until I was in a frenzy. He had them so sensitized that the breeze that blew across their newly moistened surface hardened them until it was almost painful. He laved them with his tongue and I whimpered in reply, but his only response was to switch back and forth relentlessly between them.

I caressed his hard, powerful arms and suddenly cried out as he bit down on my breast. I didn't even have a chance to recover before he crashed his mouth back onto mine and slid his hand down the front of my jeans, cupping me outside the thin lace. I sucked in air as he slid his hand back and forth, brushing across my outer lips. My panties were already soaked through.

"Christ Babe…you're so wet for me." he groaned huskily. I responded by moving my hand to the front of his jeans and forcing them open as fast as my fingers could move. He grunted as my fingers brushed his stiff cock, then grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head.

"You didn't let me finish." he demanded, pinning both hands with one arm and unbuttoning my jeans with the other. He released my hands and slid off my jeans, and I offered no resistance. When he shoved my panties to the side and thrust two fingers inside me I shrieked, and I'm pretty sure I levitated above the beach blanket.

"Oh my God…oh God!" I gasped, coming hard as his fingers worked their magic inside my pulsating walls. After I came down he slowed his hand and kissed me ardently on the lips. We now lay face to face on our sides, with my leg slung over his hip. Insistently, I pushed my hand down the front of his pants and wrapped my fingers around his rigid member. As I slid my hand up and down along his imposing length he ripped his lips off of mine and his head fell back. I could hear his breathing quicken as I stroked him more firmly, but he managed to meet my fervor by working his fingers more rapidly inside me.

My breath was ragged as he moved faster inside me, and when he pressed his thumb down hard on my clit and massaged it firmly back and forth I started to pant and gasp. I traced my fingers around the head of his cock and teased him, spreading the pre-cum gathered there with my thumb. Moving the thumb to my mouth, I licked it lasciviously with my tongue as Ranger looked on with dangerous eyes. He grinned wickedly, then darted his head down and placed his mouth directly on my clit. I cried out as he sucked and licked with his talented tongue, but when he curled his fingers inside me to put pressure right on _that_ spot I came again, screaming his name into the night.

I opened my eyes to see him gazing at me with eyes dark from lust. I wanted him more at that moment than I'd ever wanted a man in my life. He didn't resist when I pulled his shirt off to reveal his muscled bronze torso that narrowed at his waist to reveal a six pack and a very large cock that I wanted inside me _now_. A momentary look of surprise flashed across his face when I shoved him onto his back and straddled him, tearing my shirt and bra off and tossing them into the sand.

I leaned down and pressed my breasts up against his bare chest, whispering into his ear "I need you…now."

"What do you need Babe….tell me." he teased in a deep voice that sent shivers down my spine, his breath tickling my ear.

"You…inside me. Fuck me Ranger. Please…" I begged breathlessly.

He didn't need any more encouragement, and actually ripped my panties completely off and tossed them to the side before grabbing my hips violently. I gasped as he lifted me up and slid me down hard on top of him, plunging himself deep inside me. We both cried out in pleasure, and I could feel my pussy clenching around him involuntarily. He held me down and ground his hips against mine, ripping indescribable noises from my throat. He held me there for what seemed like forever, torturing me as I writhed in desperation.

"Please…Ranger…please…" I pleaded, hungry to feel all of him pounding into me.

When he complied it was more than I thought I could handle. His grip on my hips tightened and he lifted me up and shoved me down hard on top of him, impaling me again on his full length. The pleasure shot through me and was almost unbearable. He continued to guide my hips and plunge in and out of me slowly, groaning with his own satisfaction. My pussy was throbbing so hard at his slow torment that I was sure I might die any second. He sensed my frustration and slid his hands up to my waist, freeing me to set the pace. I started to rock more quickly, closing my eyes and concentrating on nothing but the feeling of his hard member filling me completely. He was a very well endowed man, and I was stretched to my limit.

I opened my eyes to see Ranger watching me intently, his face more relaxed than I had ever seen. I smiled at him and lifted my arms up to raise my hair off of the nape of my neck. The wind coming off of the ocean blew across the beads of sweat gathered there and the cool sensation was a delicious contrast to the heat filling up my belly. Ranger matched the gesture, joining his hands with mine and tangled in my hair as I leaned back, still sliding myself up and down the full length of him. I rode him for what felt like hours, letting the feeling build deep within me.

As I climbed higher and higher he started to lift his hips to meet me, thrusting powerfully and causing me to whimper as my need for release reached dizzying heights. I had to lean forward and place my hands on his chest to support myself, not knowing how much longer I could hold out before my heart stopped. He gripped my hips and took over, driving into me forcefully. My eyes fluttered open and I caught him eying my breasts greedily as they bounced up and down. "Babe…you feel incredible…so good querida." he growled, his voice thick with passion.

I reached down and grazed my fingers across his beautiful lips, the emotion swelling within me and threatening to burst forth. When he reached out his hand and tenderly touched my face, I came. The sensation exploded from deep inside me, and I shrieked and bucked madly while my walls clenched tightly. As my orgasm reached its peak the dam broke, and I wept. I finally came down enough to open my eyes, though my peripheral vision had temporarily gone black.

Ranger laid there with his chest heaving as he continued to thrust, and I noticed the muscles of his stomach start to tense. I was enraptured, watching every inch of him as he came. His arms stiffened, and the veins stood out on his neck as his head arched back into the sand, with his wavy hair was splayed all around him. I watched his lips part and eyes squeeze shut tightly as he came hard inside me, filling me with his essence. His teeth clenched and he called out my name as I lovingly stroked my hand against his cheek. When he was finally spent his arms wrapped around me and pulled me against his chest.

I lay on top of him, both of us breathing heavily and drenched in sweat. The sea air blowing across our bodies cooled our skin, and I wanted to lay there forever with him still inside of me. Part of me was stunned at the tears I could feel drying on my cheeks…I had never wept like that before. But my brain was so foggy that the thought left me as quickly as it had come. Ranger's strong arms tightened around me as he placed gentle kisses in my hair, and I relaxed every muscle in my body and sank into him.

I awoke to the sound of sea gulls and crashing waves. My eyes flickered open to see Ranger still underneath me, holding my head to his shoulder with the blanket wrapped around us. I wondered how long I had been sleeping, but he quickly answered my question.

"The sun is about to rise Babe. I'll take you home." I thought there was a hint of sadness in his voice, but it was probably just my wishful thinking. My heart clenched painfully. The night was over, and nothing had changed. Even though I'd had the most intense sexual experience of my life, the morning after Ranger and I would build the walls back up and go about our regularly scheduled lives as though it hadn't happened.

I rose dutifully, shaking the sand out of my clothes and getting dressed. My ripped panties were conspicuously absent, but I suppose it hardly mattered since I wouldn't be wearing them again. Ranger shook out the blanket and tucked it back inside the saddlebag, helping me secure my helmet before we put on our jackets and straddled the bike. He started the engine, and I wrapped my arms around him wishing we were riding into the sunset instead of dropping me off and disappearing into the dawn.

I spent the half hour ride back to the beach house deep in thought, staring out at the vast expanse of blue stretching before me as we navigated the tight curves along the coastline. It felt like the rest of my life was staring back at me, waiting for an answer. The answer was the same as always…I don't know. As the glow on the water grew into a pink horizon I decided that I would just try to enjoy the moment and not think about my future anymore. It didn't seem to be getting me anywhere, so I guess I should just take what life offers me and enjoy it while it lasts right? Seemed like a reasonable conclusion, but somehow I didn't leave me with a feeling of serenity.

When we pulled up to the house the sun was just starting to illuminate the city, though it would be an hour or two before it woke up. I slung my leg over the bike and handed Ranger my helmet. I started to shrug off the jacket, but he grabbed my arm and shook his head.

"Keep it." he said gently, his eyes warm but his features tight.

"Okay." I answered, my voice cracking and betraying me. The déjà vu of the whole situation hit me like a ton of bricks, but something told me Ranger wouldn't be waxing poetic on bathroom walls about our night together. Good thing, because I really didn't want to have to run over him with the Buick.

"You deserve more than I can offer." he said, meeting my eyes.

"You deserve more than you'll allow yourself to have." I replied sadly.

We were back at the same impasse. I sighed and reached out my hand to stroke his face. "Please Ranger, whatever you do don't disappear on me again." I leaned in and kissed him, then turned and walked inside so I didn't have to watch him drive away.

I spent the next last few days in Miami finishing up the house with Mary Lou, and doing some half hearted shopping and sightseeing. By the time we finally flew back to Trenton, I was as much relieved as I was filled with dread about facing the Burg the next morning. When I got to my apartment, the first thing I did was take the leather jacket Ranger had given me and shove it into the dusty box in the back of my closet, on top of Joe's letter jacket from high school.


	20. The Windfall

**CHAPTER 20**

I woke to the sound of an insistent knocking at my front door. I groaned, since I was not looking forward to facing everyone today. I figured that it was just Mary Lou dropping Rex off, so I didn't bother changing out of my nightshirt and flung the door open. I was surprised to see Detective Beth Chaney standing in front of me.

"Is this a bad time?" she asked, looking me up and down.

I ran my fingers through my hair, discovering that it was sticking out about a foot from my head.

"Ummm…not exactly. But give me just a minute to get some coffee going and freshen up. Come on

in." I was still slightly embarrassed, but since this woman had seen me at one of the worst moments at the station house interview room a week ago I figured there was no point in being self conscious.

I got some coffee brewing, and took a few minutes to brush my teeth, tie my hair back, and throw on some sweats and a T-shirt. I went into the kitchen and fixed us each a cup of coffee and went to join her in the living room. She was sitting on my couch with a file folder on her lap and an odd smile on her face. Still, she sat there stiffly in her crisp navy suit, looking the consummate police professional.

"So…what's up?" I asked, instantly curious.

"Well…a couple of things. First, I came over to tell you that you can pick up your car anytime since they finished printing it and getting fiber samples."

"Great. I plan on driving it straight to my parent's garage before going to a car dealer to get something about half that size." I responded drolly.

She laughed before continuing on. "Secondly, I want you to know that since you caught him red handed we have so much evidence against him that he's already signed a full confession and sang like a canary. You may need to testify at the sentencing hearing if the DA doesn't offer them a deal, so I'll let you know." she said matter of factly, but you could tell by her slight smile that helping to close this case so cleanly had given her a great deal of satisfaction. I had to agree, and was relieved that I wouldn't have to worry about Petrie getting off free and clear.

"That officially makes this a good morning then." I responded, my mood lifting. I assumed that was the main thing she had come to tell me, so I started to rise out of my chair and thank her for coming.

"There's more Stephanie…and I think you'll want to sit down for this." I did, and a few minutes later I was very glad for it.

"The FBI completed a search of every inch of his properties, and they came up with about 350 photographs of 43 little girls, most of them appear to be local. The majority were photographed from a distance, and so far we've been able to identify about half of them. We've interviewed all of the children, and only a couple of them had ever noticed or spoken to him. He had approached a few on playgrounds or sports fields during weekend games, but it never went any further than that. His ruse was effective because he would claim to be the parent of one of the children if his behavior was ever called into question. All of the children we've identified are alive and unharmed."

I leaned back in the chair in shock. I knew I had saved Libby, but hadn't even given the slightest of thought about what could have happened if he'd been allowed to continue his hunt for innocent children to molest.

"There's more…" Beth said, her mouth drawing into a tight line. I steeled myself to hear the rest.

"You recall that the reason you were unable to escape in the Buick that night was due to a puddle of fresh mud in the driveway, which your rear wheels were stuck in and lost traction?"

"Yes. What does that have to do with anything?" I asked, my stomach sinking.

"The rest of the driveway was hard packed dry dirt, mixed with gravel that was toughened from years of use. It was not the sort of ground that is prone to develop muddy areas after the light rain we'd had the night previous. The reason why your wheels stuck in mud is because there was a significant amount of fresh dirt that had been recently dug up and tossed onto that section of the driveway." she said, her voice softening.

I held my breath, anticipating her next statement. "There was a shallow but empty grave dug about ten yards away from where we found your car, just behind a few trees and bushes in that nearby wooded area. The grave was not large enough for an adult."

I held my head between my knees until the bells stopped clanging, and Beth waited patiently while I gathered myself. When I finally sat back up, I noticed her face was still drawn tight.

"There's more isn't there?" I asked.

"Yes. I can tell you've they've searched and dug up just about everything within a mile of that place, and no bodies have been found. It looks like this was his first actual abduction, which he had been planning for several months. It's apparent he planned to keep Ms. Kramer on a…temporary basis. Fortunately, you didn't give him any chance to do otherwise or hide any evidence. There were some questionable items we found in his home, as well as child pornography and multiple journal entries in his computer that were pretty damning. When we confronted him with all of that and the fresh gravesite, he confessed his plans to commit homicide once he lost interest in the child. We now have enough to convict him on kidnapping with intent to commit murder, possession of child pornography, among other miscellaneous charges. Life without parole is a strong possibility." she explained.

A feeling of relief washed over me, and I relaxed. A minute later I found out that reaction was a bit premature.

"I finished interviewing the last three little girls that were identified from the photographs about a half hour ago. I came straight here from a local school, where I pulled each child into the principal's office to determine what their interaction with Petrie had been. There was one girl who he had approached several times on a local playground." She opened the folder in her lap and slid several pictures out of an envelope, holding them out towards me.

My hand shook as I reached for the pictures. Mary Alice climbing on the jungle gym. Mary Alice on the see saw. Mary Alice galloping across the playground pretending she was a horse. This time it took a few more minutes before the bells stopped clanging and my eyes could focus again.

"How far did it go?" I asked, my voice shaky.

"He talked to her about how he had a pony, and that he would let her ride it someday…as long as she kept it a secret." she answered with grim discomfort. I felt like I might be sick.

She continued. "That was two weeks before the abduction, and the last contact she had with him. We've been making calls to all of the parents, and I'll be contacting your sister after I leave here to make sure she is aware of the incident. Mary Alice is fine, and like the rest of the children, she has no idea why we were asking questions or who Petrie is. We've suggested that all the parents have a talk with their children about stranger danger, but to keep their televisions off of local news broadcasts. We want the children to understand safety, but not unduly frighten them." she clarified.

"I understand." My first errand of the morning would be to my mother's house so that I could confiscate the collection of newspapers and Newsweek covers that I was certain my grandmother had stockpiled and was showing to everyone she got within ten feet of. I sat there for a moment, taking it all in. Then it hit me.

"With all these local children he'd been stalking, why did he abduct a little girl from Allentown?"

"That is the last thing I came here to tell you about." She said, taking a sip of coffee. Her body relaxed, as did mine when I sensed the worst of the news was now over. "Libby Kramer is the daughter of very wealthy family in Allentown. They own a large number of factories in the area. Old money, and Libby's grandfather Eugene Kramer is the patriarch of the family and current president of the company. Libby is his only grandchild, and his pride and joy. He regularly has ads on local television for their primary business ventures, in which he directs and stars. For his most recent ad, he decided to feature his granddaughter." Beth detailed.

"So he saw her on television and targeted her? But he lives here in Trenton…" I asked, confused.

"Petrie is originally from Allentown, but moved to Trenton. About a year and a half ago Petrie committed his first act of pedophilia by touching a young girl inappropriately on a city bus. But he'd started his criminal career long before that. Soon before his mother died of cancer when he was nineteen, he'd started building a record of charges of cruelty to animals and window peeping. This apparently escalated over the years and he was tied into several cases breaking and entering, but he never actually took anything to comprise a burglary charge. I suspect he broke in to watch the children sleep as his deviant behavior began to spiral. The city bus incident was his first felony, so he was considered a first time offender in the state of Pennsylvania in that category. This meant he was put on probation but required to register as a sex offender from that point on and be closely monitored by his probation officer for a period of two years. After a year he moved to Trenton to escape the scorn of locals who knew what he had done. It was his failure to register when he moved that eventually led to the FTA charge on the probation violation, the one that you were trying to bring him in for."

"So how does the house I found him at fit into this?"

"The house you rescued Libby from was given to Petrie by his Aunt. The Aunt's husband was from Trenton, and had acquired it as a rental property two decades ago. The husband was a traveling salesman and met her on a trip to Allentown, and they married soon afterwards. He died in a car accident about two years later when he fell asleep at the wheel during one of his many sales trips. This was when Marvin Petrie was nineteen and his mother, the Aunt's sister, had just died. The Aunt's husband died before they could have children, and she was devastated as she was at the end of her child bearing years. At that point in time Marvin Petrie was her only living relative, so she showered her older sister's son with all her love and attention and he somehow managed to keep her in the dark about his criminal charges. About four months ago she died and willed the property to him, and he returned to Allentown for the funeral. Once she died, he felt that he was alone in the world. That was when his criminal behavior towards children escalated. It was during that trip he saw the commercial. He claims that he 'fell in love,' and he began his efforts to pursue Libby after that. He made a trip out there almost every other weekend to stalk her and plan the abduction." she said, her voice ripe with disgust.

I was repulsed at the things she had told me, and it was good to know I wasn't alone. I had seen some pretty nasty things in my brief career as a bounty hunter, but this category of criminal was a breed apart. I was grateful that there were sex crimes detectives like Beth out there, and even more grateful that I wasn't one of them.

"My God Beth…I don't think I can stand to hear anymore right now. I don't know what to say."

"Well I have one last thing to tell you, then I promise you don't have to hear anymore. But I think you'll really like this part." she said with a peculiar grin.

"Okay…shoot." I replied, swallowing the rest of my coffee and buckling in for the rest of the ride.

"Eugene Kramer was devastated at the abduction of his granddaughter, and blamed himself for making her a target because of the commercial. He is a very wealthy and powerful man, and used all the tools and influence at his disposal to try and locate his granddaughter before it was too late. He headed up the family's efforts and even turned one of his factories into a full scale center of operations. He had a 24 hour tip line going, flyers printed and circulated, search teams organized, and even hired his own private investigative team until the FBI stepped in."

"Wow." I responded. "Don't mess with grandpa."

"That would seem to be the case. There was one other thing that Eugene Kramer did to help in the search for his granddaughter. He offered a reward to any private citizen who located or had information that directly resulted in the location of Libby." she said, a huge smile spreading across her face.

"Wha…what?."

"That would be you Stephanie. I received a phone call yesterday from the Kramer family, who sent a courier to my house with this envelope for you. Libby explained to her grandfather that I was the person who could contact you if you were needed."

"Oh boy." I said, my hand trembling again as I took the envelope she slid across the coffee table towards me.

I gingerly tore open the flap, and reached in. I pulled out a small white box, and a second lavender envelope. I took a deep breath and opened the box first. Inside was a gold chain necklace with a mystic topaz and diamond pendant. The pendant was in the shape of an angel. I didn't try to hide the tears as I tore open the second envelope. It was a bright pink thank you card with Hello Kitty on the front.

When I opened it a piece of paper fell to the floor, but I barely noticed because my eyes locked onto the handwritten message in pink crayon, and some neater penmanship in ink underneath.

_Thank you for saving me. My Mommy and Daddy came and took me home. I get scared sometimes at night but I remember what you said and then I am okay. I am safe now. ~ Love, Libby_

_Our eternal thanks to the angel that brought our little angel back to us. Please accept these tokens of our gratitude, which can never equal the value of what you have given us. God bless you. ~The Kramer Family_

Tears streamed down my cheeks, and several minutes of deep breathing passed before I remembered the piece of paper that had fallen to the floor. I reached down and picked it up, and unfolded it. It was a check. It had my name on it. The tears blurred my vision, so I rubbed them and looked again.

"This is a check for $150,000…" I croaked, my jaw scraping the carpet.

"That is correct. The reward was mostly advertised within the state of Pennsylvania on the day she was found, and the news didn't make it very far before you rescued her. They contacted me when you didn't call to claim the money, and we realized you had no idea."

"My God…this doesn't feel quite right Beth. I feel weird accepting money for doing something that was just the right thing to do." I heard myself say. I was in a state of shock, and my voice sounded like it was coming from a tin can.

"Nonetheless, the money is now yours. I explained to Mr. Kramer that you were a woman of character and might feel that way. He told me that he wouldn't accept no for an answer and that if you were as noble of a person as he suspected, you would put the money to good use." she said with a warm smile, standing and placing a hand on my shoulder, giving a reassuring squeeze.

"Thank you. I will."

She turned to leave and I followed her to the door. "Beth…one more thing. Does anyone else around here know about the reward money? Because I'm just a bit overwhelmed here and would like the chance to process all this privately, if you know what I mean." I asked.

"I grew up in the Burg too Stephanie. This will be just between you and me." she promised with a wink.

I closed the door and slid down to the floor, still holding the check in my hand. Where was Rex when I needed to talk to him? I could seriously use a donut. 150,000 donuts to be exact.


	21. Facing Mom and Tackling Joyce

**CHAPTER 21**

"Stephanie Michelle Plum! Why on earth haven't you called?" my mother insisted, ushering me into the house. Dillon had given me a ride to pick up the Buick and I had decided damage control was the order of the morning.

"My cell phone broke, and I just needed some time to myself after…everything. I'm sorry Mom. I guess you've been filled in." I said, plunking down at the dining table. I could see the ironing board down the hall. Not a good sign.

My mother bustled about the kitchen, plates and utensils clanging. "The phone hasn't stopped ringing for a solid week! Your Grandma's just about taken up permanent residence at the beauty shop and funeral parlor because she's in such high demand. Two major new stations, three magazines, and Maury Povich all want to interview you!" she exclaimed, plopping a coffee cake, plate, and fork in front of me.

"I really am sorry for taking off like that Mom…I was kind of upset." I said glumly, digging my fork into the piece of coffee cake she'd cut for me.

"Of course dear. I can understand that. Well now I the time to make amends then for walking out on his proposal. First thing you need to do is talk to Joe and straighten this whole thing out." she said adamantly.

The woman sure didn't waste any time when her future grandchildren were at stake. "That's not going to happen Mom. It's really over this time." I said, shoveling coffee cake into my mouth at an alarming rate.

"And why not?"

"Mom…he broke up with me, in front of the entire Trenton police force! He said horrible things to me. He threw the ring at my face, and it almost hit me. I've never seen him so angry, and it scared me." I said truthfully, watching her reaction.

This gave her pause, but she didn't look convinced. "All men lose their temper from time to time, and he's a good man. I'm sure it was an accident, and he's very sorry. He just must have been so crushed when he thought you didn't want to marry him. Just explain to him why you walked out on…"

"Mom! He already knows…and that isn't enough for him. He doesn't think I ever should have gone over there that night. I tried to explain to him that I had no choice, but he won't listen."

"Surely you could have just told him and let the officers handle it Stephanie. You don't need to risk your life when there are trained professionals who…"

"No Mom." I answered defiantly. I wasn't used to speaking to my mother like this, and from the look on her face you could tell she was certainly not used to it either. I sighed and tried to make her understand. "It's not like I knew for sure she was there. I just had one of my hunches and nothing more to go on. I know Joe wouldn't take it too seriously and he would need more for a search warrant, so I had to know more first before he could help me. So I had to go. I had to know for sure."

"Then why didn't you call him for help?" she persisted, hands perched on her hips.

"Believe me I would have been happy to! But my cell phone broke and the kidnapper was going to come back at any minute. It would have been too late. When he got back he was going to molest her, and if he figured out that I'd been there he could have taken off. Besides, my car was stuck in a mud puddle and I was in the middle of nowhere."

"I see, but…"

"He was going to kill her Mom. He already dug the grave and he confessed. I just finished talking to the detective on the case. I had to do it, and I'm even surer of it now. It was worth any risk and everything I lost. Joe's the one that turned it into an ultimatum."

"Oh God. That poor little girl. I'm so glad she's safe." she uttered, wringing her hands together.

"I got a thank you card from her today. She's doing well." I said quietly, eating the last bite of coffee cake and sucking in a deep breath. Suddenly I felt very tired.

My mother sat thoughtfully on the other side of the table for a while. "Stephanie, I'm just sure Joe would understand all that if he would just listen."

"He might. But he wants me to be somebody that I'm finally understanding I can never be for him, and this is just his excuse. It's over." I offered with conviction. She sighed, I hoped in resignation. Something told me that was too much to wish for.

"I just hate to see you hurt…taking all these risks. It scares me." she said softly, staring at the table.

"I know Mom. It scares me too. It scared Joe. But sometimes it's just what needs to be done." I decided now was as good a time as ever to drop the bomb. "Marvin Petrie had three pictures of Mary Alice at his house, along with pictures of forty two other children he'd been targeting. Most of them from Trenton."

"W…what!" she gasped, her hands covering her mouth.

"The detective is informing Valerie right now. He approached Mary Alice on the playground and said something…scary. This was about two weeks ago. The detective interviewed her this morning at school."

"Jesus Mary and Joseph! Oh dear…" she exclaimed, her hands quivering at her mouth.

"I need you to keep the TV set off of local news and hide any of the newspapers and magazines around here that covered the story. You might want to check Grandma's room. Mary Alice doesn't know who the man was and we don't want to scare her." I said calmly, though underneath the surface the anger I felt at Petrie was simmering.

"Of course…of course…" she repeated, her eyes blinking rapidly in continued disbelief.

"The important thing is that she's safe, and he'll probably be in prison for the rest of his natural life." I reassured her.

She closed her eyes and nodded, clasping her hands together on top of the table as she took a few deep breaths. Her mouth was drawn in a tight line.

"I have to go to work Mom, but I'll drop by for dinner soon okay?" I said, getting up from the table. She didn't say anything, so I turned to leave. When I reached the front door, I felt a hand at my shoulder. When I turned around, my mother grabbed me and hugged me. When she let me go, I stood there in shock staring at her.

"Stephanie…I'm proud of you. You did a great thing. And if Joe can't see that, then he doesn't deserve you." she said softly, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Okay.." I croaked out, not trusting myself to say anything else. The Plum family did not discuss or display emotions like this. My mother's declaration confounded me, like gravity had just stopped working or something. I gave her a finger wave as I drove off, trying not to accidentally drive into a tree as I headed towards the office. I expected her to sell me into indentured servitude at a third world tampon factory, not support and embrace me. Hopefully this was a sign of things to come.

So much for signs of good fortune…when I arrived at the office Joyce Barnhardt's car was parked out front. With a sigh of reluctance I entered Vincent Plum Bail Bonds, bracing myself for the onslaught of gossip. My eyes were greeted by the sight of Lula in a canary yellow tube top with lime green pants. The tank top had assorted pictures of fruit on it, but it was stretched so tight all the produce looked like it had been stepped on and the lemons looked more like bananas. Her hair was bright yellow to match, with lime green hoop earrings dangling from her ears that were big enough to be bracelets. Connie was painting her nails and her hair was sculpted to about a two foot circumference.

"Hey Lula, hey Connie!" I greeted, sounding unnaturally cheerful.

"Well well well…guess who be sauntering in like it ain't no big thang." Lula clucked, folding her arms across her chest.

"Looks like somebody stirred up a hornet's nest and left town." Connie grumbled, leaning back in her chair and looking none too pleased with me.

"Didn't even call…had to hear 'bout it all secondhand." Lula chided.

"It all just hit me so hard guys…I needed some time to sort things out. If I promise to tell you anything you want to know, will you forgive me?" I begged.

"I suppose we would consider it." Connie answered. But before I could get hit with a round of twenty questions, Joyce Barnhardt in all her leather clad glory came bounding out of Vinnie's office, her bustier pushing her cleavage line so high that it approached her adam's apple.

"Stephanie Plum! I'm shocked you're actually back in town and showing your face in public after the cop dumped you on your ass." she said with a big grin, leaning against the wall looking very smug.

"That's not exactly…." I started to defend myself, but it occurred to me that of all people Joyce was the last person I should be justifying myself to. "That's none of your business! What the hell are you doing here anyway?" I asked accusingly.

"Well _somebody_ had to pick up the slack when you ran off with your tail between your legs, so I've been taking care of FTA's all week. Maybe I ought to pick up the slack elsewhere for you. What's the matter? Not enough woman to keep Joe satisfied? I can take care of that…" she sneered.

"I don't think he's interested in joining the STD of the month club." I snarled.

"Skank!"

"Slut!"

"Witch!"

"Whore!"

Joyce sprung across the room towards me with her claws extended, and I put my hands up and braced for the impact. Bitch was gonna go down! She was only a few feet from me when a lime green leg stuck out from the side of the desk and tripped her. Joyce landed flat on her face with a satisfying smack, and I gave Lula a look of pure gratitude.

"You fat fucking bitch!" Joyce screamed, struggling to get up.

"Ain't nobody calls me that! I ain't fat neither…I'm just full figured. I'm what you call Rubenesque, like in them fancy paintings at the museum." Lula declared with pride.

"All you are is a fat tub of lard from eating too many ruben sandwiches!" Joyce spat out, rising to her feet. Before she could steady herself, Lula was all over her. They were kicking and grabbing and pulling, and files were getting knocked onto the floor.

"Good afternoon ladies." I heard a deep voice announce from behind me as a warm hand laid itself on my shoulder. His choice of words couldn't have been more ironic.

"Ranger! You better stop these two before somebody gets hurt!" Connie exclaimed, noticing the clumps of hair flying out from the tussle in the middle of the room.

"I'm just here for a file. Besides, shouldn't you step in and stop your friend?" he asked, looking right at me.

"Now why would I want to do that?" I asked innocently.

"Ladies, don't make me separate you two…" Ranger announced with a shake of his head. That would usually work, but this time they were both too far gone to give Ranger much notice. But then it finally happened.

After years of being stretched to within an inch of their lives, the strained threads of spandex finally snapped under the intense pressure. Lula's tube top flew off with a high pitched ripping noise, and the fruity fabric landed right on top of Ranger's head like a Cuban Carmen Miranda. Lula's Rubenesque boobs sprang forth, barely contained by a strapless hot pink animal print bra. Joyce and Lula both froze mid-wallop, and their eyes both snapped to attention in the direction of Ranger crowned with a spandex tube top. Lula looked down at her bazooms, then back at Ranger, then her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she fainted dead away. Good thing Joyce was there to break her fall.

"Oomph! Get this fat naked ho off of me!" Joyce gasped.

"Now why would I want to do that?" I asked innocently.

Ranger sighed and shook his head again, while Connie ran to the back room to get something to cover Lula up with.

"I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later." I observed, plucking the tube top off of Ranger's head. "But I don't think all the king's horses or all the king's men will stitch this thing back together, and I have some spare clothes in my trunk but I doubt they would fit her." I commented, watching Joyce strain under the weight of Lula's very full figure.

To my shock and delight, Ranger smoothly slid his shirt over his head, handed it to me, and knelt down to help prop Lula up, giving Joyce a chance to lay there and catch her breath. With his help I managed to slide the shirt over Lula's head until she was decent again.

"Hey, I think she's starting to come to…" I declared. Lula's eyes fluttered open, and I stood to help her up as it seemed her strength had returned. Ranger stepped to the side to give us room, but before I could move her Connie came rushing back in the room.

"Don't worry honey I got an old coat I found in the back room and…" Connie started to say as she reached the pile of bodies in middle of the room. At the same time, Connie and Lula both noticed that she was wearing a large black Rangeman T-shirt. Their eyes traveled behind me and locked onto the muscled mocha man who had graciously donated the shirt. Ranger had one eye brow raised, but it was hardly worth noticing as our eyes all traveled across the wide expanse of his hairless chest, then down to his sculpted six pack, and then further down to his…

With a loud thud Connie passed out and landed right on top of Lula, who had fallen back onto Joyce, who was still at the bottom of the pile wheezing.

"Well…destruction, pain, and chaos. Looks like my job is done here." I proclaimed, turning to walk out the door. However, a firm hand on my ponytail prevented me from doing so.

"Not so fast Babe." Ranger commanded, steering me back to the pile. We both drug them off of each other and lined them up side by side. So far Joyce was the only one conscious, but from the glazed look in her eyes I could tell that she wouldn't be up and swinging anytime soon. Vinnie opened the door to see what was going on, and when he saw the row of bodies laid out on the carpet he quickly slammed the door shut and I could hear his deadbolt clicking.

"Well I think it might be good if you were gone by the time they came to." I told Ranger. He didn't answer, but grabbed his file from the top of Connie's desk and headed towards the door, grabbing my hand and pulling me along behind him. When we were outside he opened the door to his Bronco and threw the file in the passenger seat, then fished a spare black T-shirt from a duffel bag hidden under the seat and put it on. I must have looked disappointed, because he broke into a 200 watt smile as he tucked the shirt into the narrow waist of his SWAT pants.

"So I see things are getting back to normal around here." he said, leaning back against the Bronco.

"Cute. I would say things are about as upside down as they could get, and if I get one more shock today I think maybe I'll pass out too." I replied honestly, knowing that I hadn't had time to process anything that had happened since this morning. "It isn't even noon yet, and already I found out more about Petrie than I ever wanted to know, my mother actually hugged me and suggested that I deserved better than Joe, I got in a fight with Joyce Barnhardt, and I watched two of my friends go unconscious at the sight of you half naked!" I blurted out, instantly turning red at the naked part.

"Big changes Babe. You'll adjust." he said, reaching out his hand and tucking away and errant curl behind my ear.

I sighed. "It's scary Ranger…my life feels like one big question mark." I looked at the ground, not able to meet his eyes.

"Regrets?" he asked quietly, putting a finger to my chin and raising my head to meet his gaze.

"As far as Petrie goes, definitely not. I found out this morning he had three pictures of Mary Alice in his nightstand. And Morelli…no. I want a future with someone, but with every passing day I realize it was never going to be him." I answered honestly.

"And me?" he questioned, his eyes searching mine.

My heart contracted painfully while I looked into his dark brown eyes, at his beautiful face, and felt his warm hands sliding up and down my arms. I wanted him so badly, but I knew I couldn't have him. All I had was the memory of him touching me, the feel of him inside me, and the look on his face when he came and cried out my name. I wished I was strong enough to give a different answer.

"No…never." He pulled me hard against his chest and leaned down to kiss me roughly, one hand tight at my waist and the other caressing the side of my face. Our bodies reacted together so quickly that it caught us both by surprise. I moaned into his mouth, the dampness spreading between my legs when I felt him harden against my stomach. My hands found their way to his leather tie and I tossed it aside so that I could run my fingers through his hair as it spilled down around his shoulders, mixing with mine as a breeze blew across us. I pressed my body into his against the Bronco, and his hand wandered higher by the side of my breast.

At least one of us had the self control to remember we were in broad daylight, and Ranger broke the kiss and held me tightly against his chest. I was breathing fast, and I could hear his heart beating almost as quickly. It took a moment, but I gathered myself and pulled away. I was afraid if I let him hold me any longer I wouldn't be able to let go. I offered a weak smile, and turned to walk back in to the bonds office.

"So did you really tell the entire Trenton police force to go fuck themselves?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Babe."


	22. Kidnapped

**CHAPTER 22**

It was just before one when I pulled into Pino's, exhausted from the hour long play by play I had given the girls once they came to. I decided that the best thing to help me process everything was a meatball sub. As soon as I walked in and the room quieted I started having second thoughts, but I guess I would have to face up to the Burg eventually and now was as good a time as ever. Trying to appear nonchalant, I quickly ordered and sat down at a small booth for two off in the corner while I tried to ignore the furtive glances my way. I saw a couple of cell phones appear, and I hoped that they were telling the grapevine that I looked fantastically tan and healthy despite all that I'd been through.

As I ate, I pondered the strange twist of fortune that just landed on my doorstep. What does someone do when they win the lottery? I should be dining on caviar and buying out Macy's right now, shouldn't I? So how come I didn't want to? My feeling was that this money should be used for something important. Maybe it was a sign, and I should use it to give my life new direction and purpose. This money wasn't from a scratch off ticket, it was from risking my life to save a little girl. Her family believed that I would put the money to good use. Me. Stephanie Plum. A woman who buys slutty clothes and four inch heels as a business expense. Just when I thought my life couldn't get more confusing.

I was just licking my fingers and sitting back to digest when a pair of lean legs appeared before me. I knew those legs. I knew them because they were connected to the finest ass in Trenton. I closed my eyes for a split second, mentally gathering my strength for whatever was about to happen next. When I opened my eyes I locked onto Joe's face in a steely eyed glare. I was trying to appear tough to maintain my pride, though my stomach was doing flip flops.

"Stephanie." he said softly. No Cupcake.

"Joe." I answered. My voice held all the emotion of a robot.

"I need to talk." he announced in a hushed voice.

"Talk to the chair. I'm leaving." I answered, teeth gritted as I started to stand.

"Steph please...this isn't that talk." Something in his voice gave me pause, and I sat back down. He slowly eased himself into the chair opposite of me, and I could feel the air getting sucked off of my body as everyone in the restaurant took in a breath and held it.

"At some point in the future we'll need to have a talk about us. That conversation will include a big apology by me for losing my temper, something I thought I would never do. It's my hope that conversation will end with us being friends someday. But I can wait. Right now I'm here as a cop, and not your ex." Joe said quietly, his eyes meeting mine. I cringed when I heard him say "ex" for the first time. He looked tired, and there were dark bags under his eyes. I had hoped he would look devastated about our breakup, but something felt wrong.

"What happened?"

"It's Sally Sweet. He's gone missing, and it doesn't look good." Joe answered, his mouth drawn tight.

"What exactly does that mean?" I posed, my hands gripping the sides of my chair.

"There was forced entry into his apartment. I saw signs of a struggle…and blood."

"Oh my…But who would want to hurt Sally?" I questioned.

"I was hoping you could tell me."

"I…I can't think of anyone."

"I would appreciate it if you would keep an ear to the ground on this one. Whoever did this had it very well planned, and the only clues they left tell us that Salvatore did not go with them of his own free will, which is why they assigned me this case." Joe offered.

"Are you asking for my help?" I responded, shocked.

"Yeah…I guess I am. As much as I've never liked the trouble it brings your way, I'd be stupid if I didn't admit that you've been an asset to more than one investigation. I'll let you in on any good information we get." he said, staring humbly at the table.

"Umm….who are you and what have you done with Joe?"

He sighed. "Look…I hope that you and I can come to an understanding one day soon, because the thought of a life where we don't talk at all is not something I want to think about. I figure that giving you some credit and not shutting you out again is a place to start."

"Joe…I don't know what to say. Thanks. I'll let you know if I hear anything." I answered, the ache in my chest that had been there for over a week easing just a little.

"I'll see ya around Steph." he responded, sounding hopeful and sad at the same time.

"Yeah, I'll be here." I answered, watching him walk away. A big part of me wanted to chase after him and fall into his arms like nothing had changed. But instead I sat there, knowing that the friendship he hoped for was the right thing. But it still hurt like hell nonetheless.

I went back to my apartment, already exhausted from my day, hoping to form a plan. I lay down on my bed and racked my brain trying to think of any enemies that Sally had, but the only one I knew of was his ex-roommate who was now in prison. With no real clues to go off of the standard plan of attack would probably be a good idea…check out the scene of the crime, then interview neighbors and friends. That being settled, I lay back on the bed in my thinking position, a knot of worry for Sally clawing at my gut. I couldn't stop thinking about who would want to target him, where he could be right now, and if he was still alive. I hadn't even started to look into it, and already felt in over my head. I picked up the phone and dialed.

"Yo." he answered.

"Yo yourself. You up for a little B&E?"

"Always. Problems?"

"Sally Sweet's gone missing, and they're suspecting foul play."

"Be there in thirty."

I lay back on the bed and waited for Ranger to show up so we could break into Sally's apartment. This day was beyond overwhelming, and I sank into the pillow and within minutes was asleep.

_It's cold…I'm naked. No…covered in something. It's wet…blood! I open my mouth to scream, but nothing comes out. I scramble towards the door, but something is holding me back and won't release me. I look frantically around for another exit, but there are only walls. One of the walls starts to fade and there are people standing behind it. It's Joe! And Ranger with all his men! I pound on the wall, begging them to come help, but they don't hear. They only look through me, with pity. They can't help. I am alone. My hands and knees hurt…the floor is made of broken shards of my cookie jar. They cut deep. I'm bleeding all over, and the pain is unbearable. So thirsty. So hungry. The air stinks of rancid meat so much that my nostrils burn. I hear a noise and look to the door again. It is huge, made of solid steel. It slowly creaks open and the dark figure appears. He reaches out for me and I cry out…_

I awoke sweating, shrieking and flailing against my mattress as a hand reached out and tried to grab my wrist. I jumped off of the bed like it burned me, sliding into the corner of the room clutching my pillow against me like a shield. The dark figure approached me and I realized it was only Ranger, with a worried look on his face.

"Babe…it's just me. Are you okay?"

"I..I'll be okay. Just give me a minute." I tried to take deep breaths, and it took several minutes for my heart to slow.

"Ranger, I'm sorry…I just keep having this damn nightmare. This is at least the tenth time I've had it, and this time it seemed even more real. It's like I can still smell the rotting meat and feel the cold..." I said, goose bumps breaking out across my arms and legs.

"It's okay…you're safe." he said soothingly, sitting down next to me on the floor and placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I feel like some silly child. Even after all the stuff I've been through I never had dreams like this. I just want them to go away." I confessed with a sigh.

"Wish I could help you with that, but in my experience these sorts of things don't just go away. They're about something you need to face." he answered cryptically.

"Thanks Freud. Any idea how I should go about that?"

"Must be a serious case of penis envy." Apparently he knew a lot about Sigmeund Freud's philosophies. I decided to play along.

"Oh really? I've always thought it would just get in the way. Too easy to get it thwacked or caught in something. Of course there is the whole allure of peeing standing up." I shot back.

"It's a definite bonus." he admitted.

"You know, when I was little I actually assumed a guy had full control over it. Like he could move it around just like an arm or something. Ya' know…write their name in the snow with no hands. Boy was I disappointed. Definitely not all I thought it was cracked up to be."

"You sure about that? I could show you some other tricks." Ranger asked with smoky eyes, his thumb skimming the sensitive spot behind my ear.

"I uh…well…" I was starting to blush. "I can't believe I'm having this conversation."

"You have a way of defying belief Babe."

"I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or whack you with my pillow."

"You're not quick enough on the draw to pull that off." he challenged.

"Oh really? You may be able to shoot a speck of dust at fifty paces, but I happen to be a championship pillow fighter! I've had many a slumber party in my day to practice." I huffed.

"I just assumed you all made out in your underwear like they do in the porn movies." My jaw dropped at that one. I decided to one up him.

"I only did that once in college. I was experimenting."

"You're lying…but it's still getting me hot." he growled. At some point in the conversation our body contact had extended beyond his hand at my ear, and now I was underneath most of him.

"I am actually…we just did makeovers. We also gossiped about boys, watched chick flicks, and then teased each other until we developed eating disorders." I answered nervously.

"Women are cruel." he whispered into my ear, his tongue tickling my earlobe.

"Well at least we didn't do all the gross and crude stuff guys do." I commented, hoping to distract him.

"True, but when guys have a problem we just punch each other in the face and then they're friends again." he explained, curling his fingers in my hair.

"You make it sound so simple." I said with an eye roll.

"Men are pretty simple. It's only when they get together with women that things become…complicated." He responded, his eyes dropping lower to the edges of my breasts that peeked beyond the V-neck of my T-shirt. Damn my nipples for perking up in response!

"This coming from the complex man of mystery himself. Nothing's simple with you."

He didn't respond to that. Well not with words anyway. Instead he lowered himself onto me and kissed me softly. He rose up on his arms, looking into me with a longing I'd never seen before. At that moment my body and my mind were so confused about what I wanted that one hand reached out to touch his cheek while the other palmed his chest and pushed him away. Fortunately I was spared momentarily from my indecision when his cell phone rang.

He rose to his feet in one sleek move, answering the phone with a "Yo."

He listened for a moment, then responded with an "I'll take care of it." and hung up.

"Problems?" I answered, staggering to my feet and trying to recover from our close encounter.

"Nothing I can't get handled. Need to make a few phone calls before we go."

"I'll leave you to it. Meet you downstairs." I figured he would need privacy for whatever super secret mission control calls he needed to make, and waiting in the parking lot was my insurance that I wouldn't ride him like a roller coaster when he was done. My life was already perplexing enough without adding another sexual interlude to spin the emotional merry go-round we were on any faster. I had always liked roller coasters and merry go-rounds as a kid, but for either you could only stay on so long before you had to step back on solid ground.

I took the elevator down to lobby, and checked my mail on the way to the front doors. Nothing but bills and a few sales flyers. It occurred to me that paying bills would no longer be a problem, and that thought was enough to bring a smile to my face. I shoved the bills into my purse and dumped the flyers in the trash, then wandered out into the parking lot looking for the blackest car with the darkest tinted windows that would be Ranger's car du jour. I spied a black van that fit the description, but it was hardly shiny and new enough for Ranger's style. In the next row was a sparkling BMW that definitely had his name on it. As I walked towards the BMW and right past the van I thought I saw it tilt slightly, like there was movement inside. I paused, taking a closer look. It was a work style van with double doors on the back and no windows beyond the cab. When I moved my eyes downwards and noticed there was no license plate that's when I started to back up, thinking a return to the apartment lobby would be a wise move. Ranger would be proud of my awareness of my surroundings.

Before I could turn around the doors suddenly sprang open and two men in dark clothes and ski masks darted towards me. My pulse jumped and time moved in slow motion as I turned to run, but they were too close and each grabbed me by an arm. The adrenalin surged and I struggled and kicked with desperation. They were large men and I was no match for the strong grip they had on me, and I was dragged backwards. Terrified, my eyes fixed on my purse that had fallen to the ground, scattering my taser, cuffs, and pepper spray across the asphalt. As they pulled me towards the back of the van I did the only thing I could.

"RANGERRRRR!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I looked up as they slapped cuffs on my wrists and saw Ranger dart to my bedroom window and lock eyes with me. I watched in disbelief as he jumped through the glass, and it shattered into a million pieces and rained down onto the parking lot below. As they pulled me into the back of the van, the last thing I saw before they slammed the door shut was Ranger swinging over the fire escape onto the second floor ledge, then jumping the full two stories to the ground. He landed hard into a catlike crouch, then in one move sprung forward at full speed and drew his gun. As the van pealed out of the parking lot and the duct tape was slapped over my mouth the only sound I heard was gunfire hitting the pavement and the bloodcurdling roar of Ranger yelling my name. Then my world went dark.


	23. Living the Nightmare

**CHAPTER 23**

Too cold. So tired, and the thermostat is in the hallway. I reached out for my blanket instead, but it isn't there. Must have kicked it off the bed. Reluctantly, I reach down to the floor and grab it. Something's wrong…the mattress is hard, and there is no floor. I'm on the floor! How did I fall out of bed?

When I opened my eyes I remembered. I am not home. I am not safe. Where am I?

It's dark. Completely and utterly. Ink. The room is so cold. The floor is hard and just as chilly…concrete. I sense grit and dirt brushing against my fingers as I feel through the darkness with my hands. There is an ache in my arms. I know that feeling. That's what a deep bruise feels like when it's forming. Hours before it's all blue black. My head won't clear. So fuzzy. Groggy.

Like a bolt of lightening it hits me and I remember. The memory flashes through my mind…Ranger shoving a shoulder into plate glass. The spider web cracks spread wide and it bursts into glittering pieces sprinkling down to the black asphalt like a firework fading into a night sky.

When I was ten we set off fireworks once at the Plum family reunion by the lake. My cousin Tanya was afraid of them. It took me fifteen minutes just to talk her into holding a harmless little sparkler. "Don't worry Tanya…it can't hurt you. Just hold it away from you." She sat on the open tailgate in the back of her family's station wagon, and held it away from her small six year old body just like I told her to. Held it right next to the paper bag with all the fireworks in it. When the first pop sounded she screamed. My Uncle Vick was her daddy, and he was by the edge of the water twenty five feet away. There were lots of adults closer. My Grandpa Mazur and my oldest cousin Aaron were only about ten feet away. Aaron played football for his college. Everybody said he was good enough to be a New York Jet when he graduated.

There was only one bang of a single firecracker before her shriek began, rising up in pure panic from her chest in a tiny low wail that in a split second would expand into a shrill screech. I'd never heard anything like it before that. But I know now that is the kind of scream you make only when abject terror engulfs you. When you think you are going to die now. A millisecond. A nanosecond only, but he knew. He heard her voice among all of the dozens of us laughing and talking. Uncle Vick turned to her and moved…ran fast…so fast. Uncle Vick was kind of short and had a big belly. He liked cake as much as I did. But he did it anyway. He ran and scooped his little girl up and dove down behind the car, pressed against its sheltering steel. Covered her trembling body with his own. Held her to his chest as she finished her scream and then started to cry.

It was ten more seconds before the rest of us even turned our heads, figured out what happened, and all ran, ducked, and covered as the rockets shot off in every direction and the back of the station wagon was engulfed in a violent eruption of color, followed by flame. We just reacted, but he acted. Aaron said later that Uncle Vick and cousin Tanya were huddled safely behind the car before he even turned to see where the noise of an explosion was coming from. But my head was facing that direction. I saw. I saw how far away Uncle Vick was and how fast he sprinted. I didn't think it was possible for anyone to run that fast. I never forgot that. I learned that day that only the power of pure love can make a man move that fast.

Ranger had moved faster. Ranger could fly.

The sharp pain in my side woke me, and I opened my eyes as I scrambled away from its source. I tried to huddle in the corner of the gray room that I found myself in, but something on my right leg held me back. Looking back, I saw the steel shackle around my ankle and the thick chain linked to an eye bolt securely fastened to the concrete floor.

Standing at my feet was a pair of black boots, the same ones that had just kicked me in my abdomen. My eyes traveled upwards to see a dark skinned man about six feet tall and muscular, and very, very angry. I could see the shadow of someone else behind him.

"Who are you?" I asked, my voice ripe with the terror I felt inside.

"I am your executioner. But that will be a long time from now Bitch! Until then, you will know pain." a cold voice answered.

And that was when the beatings began. Then the torture.

It had been at least a week, long enough for me to figure out that Ranger and Joe would not be coming to save me. No one knew where I was, not even me. Time was hard to track, since I was in a windowless steel room about ten feet square and was kept in the dark most of the time. There was only one heavy steel door, which locked from the outside. It was a large walk in freezer with steel hooks hanging from the ceiling. It was an abandoned meat locker, and it smelled just like it had in my nightmares. It was either very cold or sweltering hot from the summer outside. They switched the cooling mechanism on and off, so that I would never be comfortable. The cold was the worst, and I would shiver so violently I thought my bones would break. My clothes being ripped off of my body on the first day had been sure to see to that.

Whenever the door opened every few hours I would be greeted by two large men around twenty years old. They looked similar, like they could be related. They both hated me. It was very personal, though I had no idea who they were or why. They made me hurt in ways I didn't know were possible, and were intent on doing it for a long time. They spoke only in insults, and never listened. They made no demands, and didn't try to pull information out of me. All they were interested in doing was causing as much pain and anguish as they could.

I could hear screams of a man through the wall in between their torments. I knew in my heart it was Sally, and everything they did to me I could tell they did to him even worse. I couldn't fight them…though I had definitely tried. I only got a few hits and kicks in before I was knocked unconscious the first time. It became quickly clear that there was no way out, and fighting them only made things worse every time I tried. By now I was far too weak to fight back. I had lost too much blood. The bleeding had mostly been from the inch long slow cuts they inflicted with the razor blade all over my body. Some from the lashings with the leather whip, crisscrossing across my back and torso. They would all leave permanent scars…if I lived long enough to heal. They used the blood to write upon my naked body. Cunt. Whore. Slut. Everyday they stuck me with pins, and when I twitched or cried out they would stick me with two more. The pain was horrible, but the constant mind games made it so much worse.

They were starving me, and gave me only enough water to keep me from dying. I had only wept the first two days. After that I decided that I couldn't stand to lose any water from my body, so I held the terror inside me until I could stop trembling and go unconscious again. The only movements I made were to the bucket to use the bathroom, though after three days my body functions started shutting down. The rest of the time I just lay there while my wounds ached and throbbed, pain worse than anything I had ever felt. My entire body was black and blue from the punches and kicks. You could even see the tread marks from their boot soles. My lip was split in two places.

After a few days when I was too weak to struggle much, that was when they did a crude tattoo of the word "Bitch" in large letters across my chest. That was what they called me…what they named me. But ripping half my hair out in patches had been far worse than the tattoo. Even worse than when they burned me with cigarettes. Every day they had something new. It was planned. Someone had written a list of things to do to me, and they were working their way down. Death was at the end, but the list was long.

It wasn't long before my mind splintered. Despair constantly beckoned, but most of the time it was like I stepped outside myself, removed from the pain but feeling it nonetheless. For the most part when I could remain conscious my mind raced and wandered with terrifying and strange thoughts, and sometimes brought hallucinations. But there were fleeting moments of clarity. There was the lucid part of me that was sure an opportunity to escape this living nightmare would present itself, a part that clung on to hope. Hope for rescue. Hope for escape. After the fifth day that faded. But when the door opened on the seventh day, that was the day I hoped for death.


	24. Praying for Death

**CHAPTER 24**

***WARNING: Graphic violence***

"Time to play." he said, his words slurred. He carried a bottle of whiskey in one hand and had a chilling smile on his face that I had come to know all too well.

"Please…please Devon." I begged desperately using his name that I had learned in recent days. My voice was scratchy and barely audible. I was petrified to learn what would come next. Terrified that the next round would kill me.

"I like it when you say my name Bitch. I like to hear you beg." he answered, slurring his words. He was drunk. Something was off. They always came in together, and they were always sober while they tormented me.

"I know what you're thinkin' Bitch…Marcus ain't here. He got things to do…but don't worry I'm gonna take care of you today. But we still got plans for tomorrow. I got a car battery and wires waitin' to light you up like a motherfuckin' Christmas tree. After that I'm gonna make you live in a box for a while. Then we're gonna start breakin' those pretty little fingers. Then we'll cut tiny pieces off of you." he sneered, taking another hit from the bottle.

"Please…" I pleaded, trying to scurry away but finding the pain of my wounds so blinding that I just remained still instead.

"We're gonna cut you on the inside today…but I want a taste of you first. I'm gonna finish what I started before your friend stopped me." He started to unzip his pants.

Of all the things that they had done to me it was the one I feared most, but deep down I knew it was coming. I been stripped naked and had been felt up and fondled for the entire time I'd been held captive. But they hadn't raped me yet. Rape was something I'd only narrowly escaped it on the playground that day when the Comstock Street Slayers and Junkman had me in their evil circle. Then it hit me…that was why they hated me. Why they knew me. He was there.

"You're a Slayer." I choked out in shock.

"Last ones standin' Bitch, thanks to you and you're fuckin' fruit friend I'm gonna chop up. But you…I'm gonna hit that little pussy of yours before I slice it up." he laughed, throwing the bottle to the ground as it shattered into pieces.

I had been in the grips of pure terror for so long now that there was no word for what I felt at that moment as he came towards me. So many things flashed through my mind in that split second…the people that loved me…my childhood…the life I'd hoped to live…the children I hoped to have…what he was about to do…how it would shatter me. Before he reached me my entire body was enveloped in sheer rage, pulsing with power and adrenalin.

"Bend over Bitch!"

"Death first!" I spat at him, my voice rising up out of me like a siren.

I struggled with him with every ounce of strength left in me, and even got in a few good hits. But I was too weak, dehydrated, and had lost too much blood. He was too strong. In minutes he had me pinned underneath him with my stomach to the ground, and he stuck his fingers inside me while I tried to reach behind me and slap his hands away. I could smell the whisky on his hot breath spilling across me like sewage.

"I bet you like it when it hurts don't ya!" he spit out, shoving hard. The pain ripped through my abdomen and I screamed.

"Yeah you like that…"

I wanted to die. I prayed to God to let me die. Now now now. I was living in my nightmare. I had felt this feeling in my dreams for months, warning me of what was to come. I didn't know what it was at the time. I had dreamt I was in this room as the hands reached out for me, and I was crushed by this same horrendous fear. Frantically reaching for something to save me, but only surrounded by the broken pieces of my cookie jar. No gun. I wasn't afraid of the gun anymore…I wanted the gun. I wanted to watch him die in agony, not me.

As he slid himself inside of me and started to rape me I sobbed. I would die here broken and alone. Broken in pieces like the porcelain jar. I opened my eyes then. I saw broken pieces. Broken pieces of a whiskey bottle. They laid there glittering like the shards of my window when Ranger burst through. Sparkling like my mystic topaz angel necklace that Libby had given me, because she thought I was her hero…her angel.

The wrath swallowed me up and my hand reached out for the bottle's unbroken neck. The next few minutes were a blur…but I remember flashes of it. Him trying to scream with his neck cut open and no sound coming out. How it surprised me that it was so easy to slice into the soft skin of his stomach like warm butter. The blood spurting and pouring all over the floor, and the way it splattered when he collapsed into it. The way his eyes went blank the moment he stopped breathing. How the only thing I felt when I watched him die pure hatred for the first time in my life.


	25. Surrendering to the Darkness

**CHAPTER 25**

I snapped out of the trance I was in and saw Devon laying there before me cold and lifeless. I don't know how long he'd been that way. I was alone. My blood stilled as I realized this was my chance…the door was open and Marcus didn't know I'd killed Devon. The adrenalin surged again and I started to crawl to the door, but was stopped by the shooting pain in my ankle. My ankle was a ring of dried blood with a steel shackle around it. I searched his pockets for a key, and when I found it in his front pocket the relief I felt gripped me so hard that I let out a sob. I slapped my hand to my mouth, hoping Marcus didn't hear.

I tried to rise to my feet, but I couldn't walk. Instead I crawled to the door. The seconds seem like hours, and I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my head and the rush of blood in my ears. I pushed it open and froze when I heard it creak. When nothing happened, I kept crawling down the darkened hallway with agonizing slowness and pain. The dirt on the floor was caking the fresh blood that was now pouring out of the wounds my movements were opening up. The windows were blacked out, and in the dimness I searched desperately for some sign of an exit. I thought I heard a noise, so I took a turn down the hall away from it and wound up in a hallway on the opposite side of the building. There were doors leading off to my left, and the last one had a light coming out. I inched along, fighting the dizziness and nausea and fatigue with every breath I took.

Noises. Banging. Men yelling. Footfalls. I froze at the edge of the doorway, just out of sight. The edges of my vision blurred as I managed to rise to my knees and rest against the wall, and I fought to stay conscious.

"Drop your weapon!" a deep voice boomed. Tank's voice. A silent moment passed, then came a clattering noise of steel onto the concrete.

"Turn around and get down on your knees." Bobby.

"Two rooms are clear boss. One body. Not dead long. Sally's in bad shape." Lester.

"Body? What the fuck? Devon? DEVON?" Marcus screeched.

"Stay down motherfucker!" Tank again.

"Where is she?" a razor sharp voice thundered. It was intensely threatening, but I still knew it was Ranger.

"Fuck you man! FUCK YOU! Fuck her!" Marcus screamed.

Someone kicked the gun away and it slid across the concrete floor out of Marcus' reach. It slid right into the doorway directly in front of me. I heard someone in the room breathing. A raspy, struggling sound.

"Fuck all you! She and that faggot took everything! I got nothing now! Look at him. LOOK AT HIM! He can barely breathe. He can't move. For the rest of his fuckin' life man! Two rounds still in his goddamn spine you motherfuckers!" Marcus shrieked.

My eyes moved to the window in the hall across from the doorway. The window had been boarded up from the outside. I could see the reflection of Marcus with his back to the wall, screaming at them with great heaving breaths. His hands were up in the air, but his feet kept shifting and his body was drawn tight, like he was about to attack. His face was contorted in fury and tears were streaming out of his eyes. Next to him was a wheelchair with someone in it. A shriveled, contorted figure that looked too young to be considered a man.

"I'd let you fuckin' kill me but we got no one but each other now! My brother and me, we never had no one. That Sal mother fucker blew away the only family we got! Where's Devon? WHERE'S MY COUSIN?" Marcus yelled furiously.

"WHERE. IS. SHE." Ranger roared at him again with matching fury.

"She's in fuckin' pain motherfucker! She's in my hell…we made it just for that cunt! First motherfuckin' thing he said when he woke up…when they pulled the fuckin' tube out of his throat. Make them pay, he said. We did…and she paid good…" he spat back with his teeth clenched as he started to put his hands down and walk towards them.

"Give me a reason to kill you now." Ranger's voice had lost its fury, and I could only hear steely, controlled resolve that told them he didn't need much to push him over the edge. He was only waiting to be told where I was before he took his revenge. I could see Marcus step back against the wall and everyone was still several yards away in standoff positions.

"I got a reason." I answered, grabbing the gun and using the only strength I had left to move my naked bloody body into the doorway and aim the gun at Marcus and his brother.

"Babe!" Ranger cried out, his body rigid all over. His eyes were wide and his face for the first time showed a hundred emotions at once. I could see the shock and relief course through him…until he saw the blood streaming off of me. The cuts and whiplashes. The bruises. The burns. The tattoo. The shredded chunks of hair left on my head. Then I saw something I never saw before. Ranger…devastated. He started towards me in wide eyed horror, but Tank held him off with his tree trunk of an arm.

"Secure the prisoners first Ric. Put the gun down Stephanie." Tank warned coolly, still assessing the threat. They were all across the room from me, and Marcus and his brother were against the wall about halfway between us.

"Babe…put it down. It's over...we've got them covered. You're safe now…I'll get you out of here." Ranger soothed, though his voice was no longer as even and controlled. His gun was still pointed at Marcus, but his eyes were locked on me. I could see Lester and Bobby glancing my way. The shock of my appearance had them just as aghast, but they held their ground while Ranger inched closer to me. Marcus turned his body towards me and sneered, a malicious look of satisfaction on his face.

"It will never be over. There is no safe." I seethed.

"Angel…don't play God. Some of us have crossed that line before, and you'll find out you're not qualified. You can never go back. Don't do it." Bobby implored me, his voice thick with intensity.

"I'm tired of being rescued." I answered in a cold, dead voice. I fired the gun. Again and again and again and again. Even after the bullets ran out I just kept pulling the trigger. I watched both bodies jerk and the sparks fly off the concrete and the metal. Marcus lay in a heap on the floor, parts of his skull exposed and brain matter and blood everywhere. The gun fell out of my hands and I watched the life drain out of the eyes of the crumpled young man in the wheelchair. The corners of his mouth turned up in a barely detectable smile. Like…like he was relieved. I felt the life drain out of me too, and I collapsed to the floor and surrendered to the darkness taking over me.

Bobby and Lester walked out of the front of the building, white as sheets. Tank had already called for the police and two ambulances, and half of Trenton PD could be heard screaming their way towards the scene. A few squads had already arrived, and Bobby and Lester filled them in while two of their officers went in to make sure the building was clear, even though Rangeman had already secured it. They explained to the Sergeant exactly what Ranger told them to…that Stephanie had killed all three of the captors only moments before anybody had come to rescue her. That she had no choice.

An unmarked squad car tore around the corner and skidded to a stop, and Joe Morelli came hurtling out of the car towards them.

"Where's Stephanie!" he shouted with mad, desperate eyes.

"She's alive Joe…" Bobby started to answer, but Joe's glance had moved past him as a shirtless Ranger walked out of the front of the building holding Stephanie.

Ranger carried her gently towards the waiting ambulance, his face for once showing the anguish he was feeling inside. The shattered nude woman that he carried was so shocking to see that every officer who'd arrived cringed and gasped at the sight. She was covered in blood from head to toe and dripping onto the asphalt, and all her wounds were on display save Ranger's T-shirt that had been hastily tossed over her in the vain attempt to preserve modesty.

"Stephanie no!" Joe yelled, racing up to her limp form in Ranger's arms. He saw what they had done to her. Realized his life's only love was close to death.

"I'LL KILL THEM! I'LL KILL THEM ALL!" Joe roared, all control gone and his demons taking over.

"She already did." Ranger replied, his voice heavy with guilt and regret.

Joe collapsed to his knees as Ranger kept walking quickly to the ambulance as Stephanie's breathing started to slow. The Sergeant came over to calm him, but Joe rose to his feet suddenly. He went over to his car and lost it, punching and kicking…breaking all the windows and denting the metal in deep everywhere he touched. It took two officers and all of Ranger's men to pull him off and hold him down.

Time passed and there were dreams…so many of them. Strange ones, scary ones, and senseless ones. My world was a fog. Occasionally I would feel sharp pain…pokes and prods. Every time I moved it would shoot through me. There was always an ache. All over. Then I would drift back into the odd world existing in my mind. I could hear voices speaking to me often…all the ones I knew. So many of them trying to comfort me. But I wouldn't let them. There was no more solace. I floated through the passing days in a confusing haze, never knowing peace.

I opened my eyes. It was dark. I hurt all over. The room started to spin and I was back in the meat locker with the dark man coming towards me. He grabbed my hand and I screamed. I flailed and hit him as hard as I could again and again. I could feel myself hit the ground hard and I scrambled into the corner with my arms in front of me ready to kill him over and over again.

"DEATH FIRST!" I screamed, pain ripping through my desiccated throat as I yelled at him.

"Babe…It's me…I won't hurt you." the voice assured me softly. Something in my memory recalled that voice as one that used to soothe me, but the sinister notions now invading my psyche canceled it out.

I just huddled there trembling with jerky breaths, searching through the dark like a frightened animal desperate to find an escape. The dark man backed off and sat down in a chair. There was a chair. There was a bed. The walls weren't made of steel. I wasn't naked.

"Where am I?" I croaked out, barely audible.

The voice spoke very slowly. "You're in the hospital…you're not chained in the locker anymore."

"How long?" I asked. The pain started to pulse louder in my limbs as my mind started to clear.

His answer was swift but his voice sounded strained. "It's been over a week. You've been hurt very badly and had a severe infection, and you almost died twice the first few days. You're not in the ICU anymore, but they had to give you a lot of morphine so you won't remember much."

I didn't want it to be true as I crouched in the darkness, but something in me knew it was. They had almost killed me. I was still alive, but felt lifeless. My body no longer felt like my own, and the blood coursing through my veins was given to me by strangers.

He spoke slowly, as though he doubted my ability to understand. "Just don't move…you ripped the IV out of your arm and opened up some of the stitches. You're bleeding and need help. Let me help you…" he coaxed gently, his hands up in calming gesture as he got down on his knees on the floor and inched towards me.

"Sally?" I asked, my voice cracking. The sorrow ripped though my chest as the memory of his screams split my heart wide open.

"He's in a coma." the voice answered reluctantly.

I started to sob, but stopped when I saw him move closer.

"DON'T COME NEAR ME!"

"It's me…it's Ranger. Marcus and Devon are dead. It's Ric…I won't hurt you." he soothed, turning on a dim lamp. It wasn't much illumination, but it still took me a moment to adjust.

"Ranger?" I questioned. Was it really him? He looked haggard and worn. He looked like he hadn't shaved or slept or showered in weeks. Almost unrecognizable.

"It's me." he answered softly. He saw the recognition in my eyes and eased closer towards me. I held my hand up, indicating for him to stop. When I did I saw the bruises. I traced my eyes across what I could see of my body. The bumps and burns, the scars and scabs, and the tiny black stitches stretching out in an ugly row all over my arms and legs. It was all real. It had really happened. My head began to pound in rhythm with the hammering of my heart.

Many of the wounds were torn and starting to seep with blood, and my dull green hospital gown was also starting to stain from the oozing gashes I couldn't see. I ran my hand across my skull, empty of half the curls I used to think I hated. I laughed. A dark, chilling cackle spilling out of my raw throat. I know my eyes were as vacant and dead as I felt inside. I know because Ranger looked into them, and froze and looked like he was in pain. I suddenly remembered the conversation I had with him on the beach that seemed so long ago…

"_That's what I love about you most, that you aren't like me." Ranger declared, turning to me and gripping my hand tightly in his. He stared at me with piercing eyes that almost frightened me. _

"_Everything you feel is so intense and pure. I see it in your eyes, your body, your face. I hear it in your voice. You never hide from me. There is no hardness, no darkness in you…only courage and hope. I don't want you to change or have to lead a hard life. I envy the freedom that you have…" he said, trailing off. His hand loosened on mine, and his lips tightened in a line, as though he had said more than he'd wanted to. _

"Don't come near me Ranger." I cautioned. "I'm tainted. Now I'm really ruined for other men." I laughed once more before I gave in and let the darkness take me over.


	26. A Light in the Darkness

**CHAPTER 26**

Another week had passed. I had insisted to all the nurses not to let in any visitors. I didn't want to see anyone except Sally, but he'd been taken in a helicopter to a level one trauma center in New York. The police interrogation had been minimal, and I was thankful that they had sent Beth to do the talking. I answered her in mostly one word sentences, and eventually she drew the line between persistence and cruelty when she saw the anguish relating the details caused me. Due to the overwhelming evidence and sworn statements from Ranger and the guys it that I had stolen Marcus's gun and killed the brothers before their arrival, the entire incident was ruled as purely self defense and the case was closed. There wasn't anyone left alive to charge with the crimes against me, so there were no more questions and I was left alone. If only it was that simple for me.

They kept sending the hospital's psychiatrist in to see me, and he kept telling me how important it was to talk about it. I told him to go to hell. He told me that's not what I really meant. I told him I'd been there, and yes…I did. After a multitude of arguments and threats, they finally agreed to let me out of the hospital and go home once the threat of infection had passed. However, they insisted for the first three days that someone be with me to assist with wound care and ensure that I was taking care of myself. I called Lula. She was the only who I thought I could let near me. She was the only person in my life now that had even a remote understanding of what my world had become.

"How is she?" Ranger asked before Lula even finished opening the door. Bobby followed close behind.

"Not any better than you could expect." Lula sighed as Ranger strode into Stephanie's living room, gazing intensely at the closed bedroom door.

"What does that mean?" Ranger demanded. Bobby closed the door silently and moved into the living room behind Ranger.

"It mean she only eat when I say I'm takin' her back to the hospital. She wake up screamin' every time she sleeps. Won't take her pain meds so she hardly sleep anyhow. She don't talk and just stare at the wall. She ain't spoken to any of us except you since she woke up in the hospital. Her eyes are real empty." Lula answered tensely, stepping between the bedroom door and Ranger.

"I need to see her." he stated, in a voice that made it clear it was not a request.

"She don't need to see you right now." Lula countered, ignoring his demand and pressing her substantial form across the door frame.

"You don't know that." He approached her anyway, his posture commanding and appeasing at the same time.

"I'm the only one who knows. You're not gettin' in there, not unless you make a grease spot outta me on this here carpet! She ain't ready so back off." Lula snarled, standing up to him despite her knees knocking together loudly.

"Ranger…listen to her." Bobby implored, moving cautiously to a chair and motioning for Ranger to sit down.

Ranger paused, his jaw tensing. Time crept by, then he finally turned and retreated into the couch. He sank deep, but his body was still coiled tightly. Lula walked over and sat down next to him, all the mystery and history of Batman suddenly not so intimidating in the shadow of all that had occurred.

"I could have stopped them." Ranger mouthed the declaration in such a soft whisper that only Bobby heard him.

"And just how the hell you figure that?" Bobby exploded. Lula's head whirled around in surprise. "How many times do we have to go over this? Did you or anybody else know there were Slayers left that planned this fucking thing for a year and came out of god damn nowhere? You flew off the top of a two story ledge and hit the ground running, firing every round you had! They didn't teach you that in the Special Forces. Nobody could have gotten to her fast enough. We all did everything we could, and it's not always your fault if it isn't enough. And no matter what happened, she's still alive and you were the one that found her."

"That's right!" Lula offered. "Ain't nobody figured out where she was, and you and yo' boys didn't sleep for a week trying to find my girl!" she reassured hopefully. Silence stretched out, the tension in the air thickening with every passing second.

Lula broke the silence. "Hey! How the hell you even do that?"

Ranger sat still as stone and didn't answer, his face blank as he watched the bedroom door as though he could will Stephanie to walk out of it whole again.

"She told Ranger about nightmares she'd been having before they took her." Bobby explained quietly. "We had nothing left. He'd already paid off or beaten up every contact he had on Stark street. No leads. In her dreams it smelled like rotten meat. So he went crazy and made us take him to every building that had ever been a butcher shop or meat packing plant in Trenton. Twenty one buildings…she was at the sixteenth one."

"Holy shit." Lula exclaimed, her jaw slack.

"She needs…" Ranger faded out. Minutes passed and no one said anything. He didn't know what she needed to bring her back. None of them did.

"You may be a good man, but you're still a man." Lula responded.

Ranger's eyes met Lula's, silently demanding an explanation.

"I bet you been through lots too. All that war and shit you seen. But 'till you been a woman and been hurt by men you won't never understand what she been through 'cause it just ain't the same. Most all the evil sick shit that go down in this damn world is done by men and you know it. Till my dyin' day I won't never understand it. I been beaten and fucked over by men my whole life. Hell, my Dad was the first one who sold me so he could get more crack. I been lettin' men screw me for money since then…until Benito. Stephanie saved me…and…and she saw what he done to me. So she knows. She knows I know somethin' 'bout where's she's been. So it ain't about you Ranger." Lula explained, her voice wavering at the end.

"You're an amazing woman Lula." Ranger declared gently as his eyes met hers.

"Fuckin' A."

His tension dissipated in reluctant resignation, and Ranger rose to his feet and walked towards the door to let himself out. Bobby stood to follow, but when Ranger opened the door Frank Plum stood on the other side, poised to knock.

"Ricardo."

"Frank."

Not a word was spoken, and Ranger opened the door wide as Frank Plum strode confidently through the room. He stopped in front of the bedroom door and turned around to face them all, his eyes meeting Ranger's in a fixed stare.

"Thank you." his gravelly voice rumbled.

Ranger's brow creased and his head dropped slightly. But Frank Plum wouldn't release his gaze…not until his gratitude was accepted. He waited until Ranger lifted his head and met his eyes, giving a slight nod. After the two men reached a wordless understanding Frank turned and not waiting long enough for anyone to stop him, walked through the bedroom door, shutting it softly behind him.


	27. Those Who Help Themselves

**CHAPTER 27**

I heard him sit on the chair near the window. It was easy to know it was him from the scent of Old Spice that drifted across the air throughout the oldest of my memories. The moment I felt him enter the room I knew it was okay for him to be here. He knew too. Almost half an hour passed. I didn't feel the pressure to speak. My father was a patient man. Rough on the outside, but kind to those who really knew him in private.

Curled up in a ball under the covers and facing an empty wall I could not see him, but his presence somehow still filled the room. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't look at anyone. He had never been a man of many words, which I could appreciate now because there were no words left in the world to describe the torturous thoughts and macabre memories still replaying in my head.

I curled up tighter into a tiny ball, wishing I were a child again. Wishing away this hellish dimension of life I'd been exposed to. Wishing that I could let him hold me in his arms and rock me to sleep like he did when I was little, telling me it would all be okay. Useless thoughts. Wasted wishes. I could never go back. This was my life now, and no one could change that. None of my wishes, none of my prayers had been granted. Not even when I prayed for death. Not from the first moment the knife touched my skin until the end when I begged for his mercy.

"Daddy…" I heard myself say in a tiny voice, feeling like a young child lost in the dark. "I prayed…so hard. But it happened anyway. And I was alone. I feel so alone."

"I know you do sweetheart. I know."

"Nothing will be the same anymore, because I understand what's real now. Things don't happen for a reason. Bad things happen to good people. I just never wanted to believe that before. Makes it pointless to hope so much like I did before." the words just kept coming out of my mouth before I could retreat back into the hole I had been hiding in.

"I stopped going to church with your mother on Sundays after I got back from Vietnam you know." he said.

"I knew that." I answered in a whisper, curious why he'd brought that up now.

"But you don't know why." he replied. "I saw some bad things there." I laid there unmoving as the minutes passed. We both knew that whatever he'd seen must have been awful, but I'd been through worse. I could tell from his tone he wasn't trying to compare, but I wasn't sure what he was trying to tell me. I wasn't sure I even cared.

"There was this guy once that got stuck at a motel during a flash flood. Everyone else evacuated, but he refused to leave. As the water reached his thighs, an older man came paddling up in a canoe begging him to climb onboard so that he could join the rest of them on higher ground. The guy adamantly refused, insisting 'No! God will save me." My father narrated.

I laid there stunned. Was he actually trying to tell me a joke? He continued on without pause, even as I turned my body to look at him.

"So then an hour passes, and by now the water has risen to the second floor. The man hugs the balcony, holding on for dear life. A woman drives up in a motorboat, begging him to jump aboard to be rescued. The man declines, persisting that 'God will save me.' After another hour the water has risen to the roofline, and the man is clinging desperately to the rooftop. Suddenly a Coast Guard helicopter appears overhead, tossing a rope down to him. The rescue workers yell down at him to tie the rope around his waist and they'll haul him up, and that this is his last chance for help. But once again, the man steadfastly rejects assistance. He screams out above the roaring wind and water 'No! God will save me!' Well, as you can guess, the man drowns. When he dies he finds himself at the feet of God. He asks accusingly 'God? Why didn't you save me?' God answers, 'Well I sent two boats and a helicopter! What the fuck do you want from me?"

The person I used to be would have laughed, or been shocked that he had actually cursed in front of me. Instead I just looked at him sitting there with a solemn, sad grin.

"Daddy?" I questioned, confused. He answered me very slowly.

"I got angry at God too Stephanie. You're right…not everything happens for a reason. You didn't deserve this and there is nothing good about it. But you can find your own reasons. To survive this is to find meaning in the suffering. No one else can find it for you. You can't stop the pain, but with help you can find the strength to fight your way through it and come out on the other side. Once I figured that out, me and God were okay."

"I don't understand all of that." I answered, the tears finally coming to my eyes after the weeks of catatonia.

"You will. But understand that you're drowning honey. And the thing is…God helps those who help themselves."


	28. The Caged Bird Breaks Free

**CHAPTER 28**

I never got my chance to see Sally because he died the next day of pneumonia and severe sepsis. They had him for over two days more than they had me, so they had gotten further down the list and the torments they inflicted on him were done with more vengeance since he had pulled the trigger on the playground that day. They had even started breaking bones, and the sound of it haunted my dreams.

His funeral was the thing that finally got me out of bed, and I arranged most of it. We shared a ghastly connection now, and my guilt at being the only one still breathing was enough to swallow me whole. I felt the most powerful need to be the one that ensured he would rest in peace. I hoped he knew peace now, and then found myself morbidly jealous wondering if I ever would know the same serenity.

A few phone calls confirmed that his family were ultra conservatives from South Carolina, and had disowned him years ago because of his lifestyle and cross dressing. One email to Ranger mysteriously got the body released to me and declared that I had power of attorney, and the funeral home magically refused payment and assured me that everything had already been taken care of. With some brief phone calls to Lula she was able to do all the footwork while I remained barricaded in my bedroom.

Lula helped to pick out an extra long dark grey coffin, and we had custom red velvet lining done. We buried him in his favorite bustier and leather pants, along with his electric guitar, but open casket was not an option due the damage our captors had inflicted. Instead I opted for a brief and private graveside service, and one phone call to his band members assured me that everyone who mattered would be there. They also agreed to handle the allotment of his meager belongings.

I showed up in a loose black cotton dress with a handkerchief on my head early that Saturday morning. I stood on top of a hill, watching from a distance. There was a good turnout, including his band and hard core fans who were all in tears. Ranger and most of the Rangemen were in attendance, as well as Joe and several members of Trenton PD. There were assorted people from his brief career as a bus driver, and others that I didn't recognize. As I requested, they played Norman Greenbaum's "Spirit in the Sky" on a kick ass stereo. Something told me Sally would have liked that.

I stood on the hilltop, long after the minister had uttered his final words of solace at the internment. I stood there long after the crowds had dispersed. Ranger and Joe were the only ones that had remained, as they had both spotted me and watched from afar. I ignored them as I approached and placed a single white rose on the dirt. My body trembled visibly as I knelt on the ground. I whispered words meant for Sally alone. I told him how sorry I was that I couldn't save him, and that I would never forget. He had never allowed what others thought of him to run his life, even his own family. I had. I promised him that I would change that, and live my life to it's fullest from now on, since he could not.

"Stephanie…" Joe uttered softly from behind me as I rose to leave.

I remained still with my back to him, not answering. I barely trusted myself to speak at all, somehow convinced that if I let the things I was thinking and feeling come out that the universe would shatter into pieces when the words hit the air.

"Stephanie…I'm so sorry. I'm here for you, whatever you need. I'll do anything to help you feel safe again, and I'm sorry I failed you." he spoke thickly, and the look of sorrow and guilt on his face was no surprise when I turned to face him. I waited a minute before answering, my words measured and deliberate.

"Not in the way you think you did." I answered. "Joe, I know you think it's a pedestal that you put me on. But you're really putting me in a cage."

The confusion reflected back in his dark eyes broke my heart, but I didn't know how to explain to him that no one could help me feel safe again…not even him. It wasn't his job, and it never was. Not his or Ranger's. I would have to do my own fighting from now on, otherwise those who had tried to destroy me would win. I couldn't be helpless anymore, the stakes were too high. I left both Joe and Ranger standing there as the sun rose high in the sky, and I disappeared over the hill intent on keeping my promise.

"Yo."

"Ranger…I need to talk to Bobby." I told him. My voice was still raspy from disuse.

"Babe?" he answered, startled.

"Is Bobby there?" I asked.

"He's right next to me. Babe…talk to me. Please, let me see you." His voice had a yearning, a tenderness I had never heard there before.

"I…I need to talk to Bobby." I didn't want to hurt him, but there was only one conversation I had in me right now and it had to be with Bobby.

I heard him hand the phone over and I took a deep breath.

"Angel? I'm here." Bobby spoke, his voice ripe with concern.

"I need you to help me with something."

"Anything." I could tell he meant it.

"I need everything I'm about to talk to you about to remain just between us. It's very important. This is something I need to do on my own. It's the only way I think that I can…go on."

"You have my word." he responded solemnly. I could hear his footsteps as he left the room that Ranger must have been in.

"Ranger told me once that everything he ever learned was from a good teacher. I'm ready to learn some things, and I need one. I'm guessing you may know someone from your exploits in the Navy Seals that could help me. Someone Ranger and the guys wouldn't know."

"I know a lot of guys…it depends on what you want to learn, but I think I have an idea. However they don't come cheap, and most of them aren't local."

"Money and distance are not an object." I told him firmly.

He halted in puzzlement, unsure how that was the case. In the end he must have believed me, because fifteen minutes later I had the information I needed. He called me back an hour later with confirmation that his contact was available, and assured me that he could handle the arrangements. All I had to do was show up.

I spent the next several hours getting all my bills paid in advance, throwing sheets over the furniture, throwing out all my food, making arrangements for Rex, and leaving my keys and instructions for Dillon. I changed my answering machine message to advise everyone that I was on an extended trip and that I would not be reachable.

Most of the stitches had been removed by now, but getting dressed in something other than pajamas was still painful. My body still had healing to do, and I felt a little weak from the effort. But I'd grown used to the pain. There was the eerie overriding sense that any physical pain I experienced now or in the future was nothing compared to what I'd endured in my private torture chamber.

The water from the shower burned my still healing cuts, and I'd learned weeks ago there was no use prolonging the cleansing. Their mark was all over me, and no amount of water could wash it away. Before dressing in torn jeans and a fitted black t-shirt I stared at my naked body in the mirror, still emblazoned with their cruel words inked across my chest. My face looked gaunt, and my skin was pale except for the dark circles under my eyes. I'd lost over twenty pounds in three weeks, though I gained five back once they got IV fluids into me. My hair hung in stringy clumps between the barren and scabby patches where it had been torn out. A pair of Bob's old clippers took care of that, and soon the last of my russet curls lay in a heap in the sink. I left them there. Staring at my own scarred, bald head in the mirror should have shocked me, but instead I felt nothing.

The only things I placed in my backpack were two changes of clothes, some toiletries, my wallet, and a US highway map. Everything else that I normally considered necessary didn't seem to matter at all anymore, and I could purchase whatever else I needed on the road. I put on the leather jacket Ranger had given me and Libby's angel necklace before closing the door on my old life. The taxi took me to the bank first, and after some discussion with the bank manager they finally consented to release the large sum of cash from my account. I didn't exactly look like the picture on my driver's license anymore. I had to be sure that no one would be able to trace my transactions, and cash was the only way I knew that Ranger, Joe, or anyone else couldn't track me.


	29. Flying into the Sunset

**CHAPTER 29**

I paid the taxi driver a hefty tip as he dropped me off in front of the Rangeman building at sunset. Throwing my bag over my shoulder I strode resolutely towards the entrance, and found that my old badge still worked. A guy I didn't recognize was in the control room and waved me through, and he was obviously not trying to stare at my alarming appearance or the obscenity peeking through the V-neck of my t-shirt. Tank, Lester, and Bobby were all in the kitchen leaning over the counter poring over some documents and schematics, and they all stiffened up when I walked in the room.

"Is Ranger in his office?" I asked quietly. They all look stunned to see me, and I could tell that every one of them had the urge to reach out and wrap their arms around me. Fortunately they all knew better than to touch me, apparently having heard about the uncontrollable reactions I'd have to physical contact. But seeing the warmth and concern in their eyes was of some small comfort.

"Yeah…he's here. He'll be glad to see you Bombshell." Tank answered, his deep voice echoing in the hushed room. I set my backpack down and took off my jacket as well as the handkerchief on my head, laying them on the dining table.

Their eyes all roamed from my hairless head down to the tattoo, and then the angry red scars on my arms. It was the first time any of them had seen me up close since that day. Tank's muscles tensed in anger at my dead captors, and they bulged so prominently the arms on his t-shirt were strained at the seams. Lester looked distressed, and Bobby's eyes were red and he seemed to be holding his breath.

"Good thing you guys can't see the whiplashes." I muttered, turning to walk towards Ranger's office. As I turned I saw Ranger already standing behind me, only two feet away. His sudden proximity and dark clothing flashed me back and I jumped away, backing into the wall and grabbing a knife from the kitchen counter. I sucked in air and the room spun as I saw Marcus and Devon come towards me with the cigarettes and razor blades.

Ranger's voice calling to me brought me back from wherever I was, and I watched the knife fall out of my hands and clatter onto the ground. I looked up to see the worried faces of the men I knew, men who didn't want to hurt me.

"I…I'm sorry. They trigger without warning." I offered in whispered apology.

"It's okay Angel…most of us have had a flashback before. They won't be as bad and will come less often after a while…it just takes time." Bobby reassured me.

"Babe…come to my apartment and rest a while. Ella can fix you something light to eat. " Ranger asked, his dark handsome face full of concern. He didn't look quite so haggard and unfamiliar as he had weeks ago in the hospital, but still tired. Something told me he hadn't been getting much more sleep than I had.

"I can't." I answered, drinking in the warmth and compassion that radiated off of him. I stared at the strong arms that had held me so tightly, and once made me feel so protected. I wanted so badly to touch him, but knew somehow that surrendering into his arms wouldn't give me what I really wanted.

"Please." he asked again, taking a small step towards me. The sound of Ranger saying 'please' used to be enough to get me to do anything he wanted.

"I can't Ranger." I maintained, holding up a hand signaling him to stay back. "I just came here to ask you for something."

"You can have anything you need. Always." he responded compellingly, and it looked like it was taking every muscle in his body to stop himself from approaching me. His eyes searched mine, as though looking for something he could recognize.

"I want to borrow your motorcycle for a while."

"Of course..." he answered with furrowed eyebrows, and I could see his mind working trying to anticipate why of all things I was asking him for this.

Bobby's brow creased in apprehension. "Angel, I don't know if riding a bike is a good idea. You haven't been eating, and I know you're not sleeping much."

"And the painkillers aren't safe to drive on…" Lester added.

"I'm not taking any." I answered him brusquely.

"Shit…" Tank murmured.

"What is it you military types always say? The best thing about pain is that it reminds you you're still alive." I snickered. My dark laughter continued to have the effect of silencing whatever room I was in.

"You don't have to suffer…you're not healed yet." Lester appeased after a few uncomfortable minutes had passed.

The double meaning of that statement was so ironic that I laughed again, and they all visibly tensed. I saw Tank looking at me like…like he felt sorry for me. I'd had enough. I walked up and grabbed his crotch so hard that he almost fell to his knees. This would normally cause him to throw the offending party against the opposite wall, but I was relying on his pervasive sympathy to override that desire.

"Listen up, all of you!" I commanded. "The next one of you that looks at me with pity in their eyes…I'll rip your balls off and stuff them down your mother fucking throat!" I stated smoothly and calmly, releasing Tank so that he collapsed to the ground gasping and moaning, his giant body curled into a fetal position.

I put on the jacket and grabbed my bag, walking up to Ranger and putting my hand out for the keys. The rest of the guys were standing there wide eyed and bent at the waist in solidarity with Tank or with trepidation, I wasn't sure which. The faintest of smiles crossed Ranger's face as he put the keys in my hand, looking at me like he hadn't seen me in a long time.

I turned and never looked back, but I could still feel his eyes on me when I rode the motorcycle into the setting sun.


	30. Stranger Hope

**CHAPTER 30**

The Honda Valkryie roared stridently underneath me as the miles passed. The tracking device had been exactly where Bobby said it would be, and I tossed into the back of a pickup as I'd exited the Trenton city limits. Now, four days later I wasn't far from my destination of Denver, Colorado. I'd passed every variety of landscape America had to offer along the way, and the hills had eventually turned into mountains. My body ached all over from the nonstop riding, but by now physical agony was a normal state for me. In truth I welcomed the exhaustion since it was the only thing that could cause me to sink into a dreamless sleep. The hours of riding worked the miracle of slowing my mind down, and the horrid scenes playing back in my head were at a more manageable pace. Needless to say I had a lot to think about, and the rhythmic rumble of the powerful engine was tranquil and calming like I hoped it would be.

I'd booked myself into several non-descript motels along the way, purchasing anything I needed at gas stations and convenience stores. I kept a handkerchief on my head when the helmet was off so that I didn't attract any more attention than necessary. Forcing myself to eat regular meals was a necessity to keep me going, but I found that I could barely even taste them.

When I rolled into Denver it was late afternoon and I had to stop several times to find the way to my ultimate destination. The roads narrowed, and the area got more and more remote. As the sun sank low in the sky I found myself on a one lane road leading to a remote cabin in a wooded area in the mountains by a small lake. It was a rustic, beautiful setting. The cabin was large and several levels, but you had to look closely because the size was deceptively small due to the woods that closely surrounded it. If I didn't have the very specific directions in my hand, I never would have found it.

My contact was named Rocky. Bobby had told me nothing about him, other than that he would be able to teach me everything I had requested and more. He'd made the cryptic statement that "transformation is his specialty," and not explained himself. I was very curious to meet him, and fearful that he wouldn't be able to live up to expectations. I knew I needed the best, but Bobby reassured me that was exactly what I was getting.

He stood on the deck, looking at me from the balcony railing. I don't know what I expected, but somehow he wasn't what I had imagined.

I stood on the gravel path and set my bag on the ground, looking up at him and suddenly feeling very out of place. The fear started to grip me that I had just pledged to spend almost every waking moment of my life for the next few months with a man who was a complete stranger to me. A man. I fought back the panic, and began to study my new mentor and size him up. Like every guy associated with Ranger and the Merry Men, he was incredibly good looking and well built, although he looked at least five to ten years older. He had dark skin and black hair, and when I took off my helmet and gradually approached I was surprised to realize that he was East Indian.

"You were expecting Sylvester Stallone?" he said with a dazzling smile. Once upon a time it would have made me weak in the knees, he was so devastatingly handsome when he smiled.

I let out the breath I didn't even know I'd been holding and laughed nervously. I walked slowly up the stairs, telling myself that my transformation would require me to step into the unknown. When I reached the top of the stairs and stood a few feet away, I had the strange sense that he was looking inside me. My mutilated and gaunt appearance didn't seem to phase him at all.

"My name is Raki, short for Rakesh. It means _protector_." he offered, extending his hand in greeting.

A handshake. Something so simple, that I'd done thousands of times. But now the idea of reaching out across the void and touching another human being terrified me, and I wasn't even sure why. I started to sweat.

"Reach out and grab my hand. You can do this." he uttered with a commanding confidence that had a strangely calming effect. I stretched my arm out and placed my trembling hand in his open palm. It felt scary….but also good. He wouldn't release it, and held my hand gently until my arm relaxed.

"How did you know?" I asked with an unsteady voice as my arm returned to my side. This was some new form of ESP…this man had just met me.

"I understand pain Stephanie." he answered with dark eyes that suddenly turned, reflecting back a profound sorrow that echoed my own. They were deep pools of pain. Yes…he knew. Minutes passed between us in silent understanding, and when he motioned towards two loungers on the deck I went willingly and stretched out my aching body. I relaxed into the cushion, feeling less on edge than I had in a while.

He nodded at a bottle of water sitting on a low table, and I followed the cue and opened it. When I took a long swig I became conscious of how thirsty I actually was. Before I knew it the bottle was empty. The breeze blew across my bald head, reminding me of how warm I was wearing a leather jacket in the waning sun, now that the wind wasn't rushing past me on the motorcycle. I took off the jacket, revealing my scarred limbs. I felt the same exposed, vulnerable feeling that had overwhelmed me whenever I was in someone else's presence since my rescue.

He took off his shirt, the sudden motion startling me. I stared in disbelief at the long raised marks slashing across his torso. Whiplashes, like mine, except that they had paled with time while mine were still an angry pink color.

"It happened when I was in the SEALS with Bobby. Enemy capture. I had only three days of interrogation and torture before Bobby and my team liberated me and killed my captors. From what Bobby tells me, I understand that what I endured pales compared to what you went through."

"What did Bobby tell you?"

"Everything that he knows about you. Your life, your history, your family, your career, your relationships. I've also been researching in preparation for your arrival in addition to that."

"I hope he told you the cars weren't my fault."

"He told me you'd say that." he laughed. I rolled my eyes.

"He told me next to nothing about you." I retorted, feeling exposed again to this stranger who knew everything about me. He began to speak, and didn't stop until the sun was barely visible on the edge of the lake. We watched the sun set from his wood deck overlooking the mountainous vista surrounding the water, and he told me his story.


	31. SEALS and Tigers

**CHAPTER 31**

"I was born in the east of India in Kolkata, known to most Americans as Calcutta. It is the poorest place in India. I was found on top of a trash pile with my umbilical cord still attached, and a beggar woman rescued me. She would use me to evoke more pity, you see…so that people would give her more money. When I was five I became more of a burden to her than an advantage, so she tried to cut off one of my arms so that I would once again become the best of beggars, as the deformed and disabled inspire the most sympathy. During that time it was not that uncommon unfortunately. I don't remember what happened, but I didn't stop running until I collapsed. There was blood on my hands and it wasn't my own. For that lack of memory, I am grateful."

"My God…" I muttered under my breath in astonishment. He didn't wait for my reaction, and continued on.

"The man who found me unconscious in an abandoned alley was a good man, who had come to trade honey from neighboring Bangladesh, in a place called the Sunderbans. He took me home to his village, where I was raised for several years as one of them. They did this despite the fact that they were all so poor that we knew hunger often. One particularly bad season his youngest child died of starvation. In desperation he went further than they normally dared to go, further into tiger territory than usual."

"Tigers? Why would he even go out there?" I asked, dumbstruck.

"I'm sorry, I should explain further…they were actually hunting honey. You see, the Sunderbans is home to a tiger sanctuary, and a massive mangrove forest amongst over 200 lush forested islands amongst tidal river and creeks. There is no other place like it in the world. Much high quality honey can be found there, and this is an excellent money making opportunity in a third world country where most people must survive on less than one dollar a day. It is beautiful, but deadly. It is full of tigers, king cobras, crocodiles, and even murderous modern day pirates."

"Home sweet home." I muttered glibly. I could tell this story was headed to for another disturbing turn, and I braced myself for the impact. He spoke with such practiced calm, that I had to remind myself that this was all real. If I hadn't just come out of my own hell on earth, I never would have believed him.

"The Bengal tigers had begun behaving unusually for about a decade before that, attacking and eating the men. Despite their size, power, and the fear they inspire, tigers all over the world tend to leave human beings alone. But in the villages along the river in Bengal, they had begun to stalk and eat humans despite the easy availability of other large prey. No one knows why, but it became routine for a hunter or fisherman to not return. We would lose one every few months. Forty people a year on average."

"A fisherman…?" I questioned, confused.

"The tigers could swim. Very well in fact."

My blood chilled in my veins at the thought.

"How could anyone go out there knowing the risk?" I asked, appalled.

"Desperation. Hunger. Acquiescence. Stubbornness. Stupidity. But I like to call it courage." He answered.

"And that man, he…?" I urged him on, his answer inevitable.

"Never returned. The others did, including one with an open wound on his head that he later died from after tremendous suffering."

"Was he able to tell you what happened?"

"It is not to be spoken of. The only way the people of the village ever devised to continue their way of life in the shadow of the tiger was to exist in a state of denial, not mentioning the dead and going on as though nothing had happened."

"That's horrible!" I exclaimed.

"That's survival." he rebutted. I was struck silent.

"They even worship the tiger's spirit, as an aspect of God. Pray for protection and mercy, yet concede that there will be sacrifice. The irony of it all was that the tigers were indeed my salvation. The stories of the man-eating Bengal tigers and the victims that worship them had reached the states, and a crew from National Geographic came to do a story on it. The interviewed the man with the head wound before he died, and they convinced many of the villagers to discuss the situation for the first time. The female photographer on the crew was so taken by me that she pulled some strings and arranged for my adoption some months later, and brought me home to America…to raise me as her son. She took many pictures. My grief stricken eight year old face was on the cover of the magazine. I understand you have some firsthand experience with that too, yes?" he asked, looking at me with a knowing grin.

"Sort of. I'm on the cover of Newsweek with my skirt flying up like a hoochie mama." I joked, embarrassed at my unusual fifteen minutes of national fame that now seemed so long ago.

"That's not how I hear it. Bobby tells me that is the first picture ever taken of your true self. That you are a warrior." Raki countered, his expression solemn.

"I'm no warrior. You're the SEAL." I barked back at him, perplexed and uncomfortable by the reference that seemed as far as possible from how I felt inside right now.

"Yes. I was. But the power of a true warrior is from the heart, and cannot be taught. It is not about physical strength or even skill. I've accepted you as my apprentice because of this."

"Whatever you say Yoda." I retorted under my breath, still not accepting of his appraisal.

"Before you leave me, you will see yourself differently." he responded gently.

"I hope so." I whispered, forcing back the tears. The silence stretched back out again for a few moments, then he continued his tale.

"The woman raised me with kindness, and taught me the value of education. She caught me up in school quickly, and we traveled often on her photography expeditions across the globe. My mother was an amazing woman, a feminist and far ahead of her time. Strong, yet still feminine. It was that strength that kept her alive through three rounds of chemotherapy for two years, long after medical science said it was possible for her to survive. She died when I was seventeen. She is the one who taught me to be a warrior, long before I became a SEAL."

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you Stephanie. I still feel her with me sometimes, guiding me…" he trailed off, staring at the water. I thought about Sally, and I knew that part of him would be with me too. It was a while before Raki spoke again.

"I joined the Navy soon after, and the mental strength I'd learned helped me to perform at the highest levels. I was soon recruited for the SEALS, in part because of the multiple languages I speak. That is where I met your Bobby Brown. He is a great man. A true friend."

"Yes…he is." I repeated back softly, thankful to Bobby for sending me to this place that was already starting to feel safe.

"You have strong feelings for him yes?" he asked me.

"Well…yes." I hesitated to answer, but his blunt honesty had me feeling more comfortable admitting the truth than I thought I would. "I do find him attractive. We kissed once, but it was a weird moment. I feel closer to him than some of the others, but I just don't feel the same way about him as…well, I just don't think it could get all romantic between us."

"I see. I wish I could have said the same."

"What?" I blurted out. The man sitting beside me oozed masculinity, and he couldn't possibly have alluded to what I just thought he did.

"Yes Stephanie. I am gay. Took falling in love with Bobby to admit it."

"Wow. ….holy crap." Somehow I always know just what to say during awkward moments.

He laughed. "I get that reaction a lot. I don't seem to fit the stereotypes much."

"So umm…can I ask how Bobby took the news? Last I checked he was of the…err…hetero persuasion."

"As I said…he is a true friend. At first he was stunned, but then accepting. Eventually flattered. And very discreet. In the SEALS, 'don't ask, don't tell' takes on a whole other level of meaning."

"I bet so." Had they found out he would not have had a warm reception to say the least.

"Bobby actually introduced me to Vincent. He was the love of my life." he added.

"Was?" I asked gently. Something about Raki's forthrightness had me asking questions that I normally wouldn't have dared. But I already felt so comfortable with him that my interest in his life couldn't be quelched.

"He died of AIDS three years ago."

"I'm so sorry." I said, his pain hitting the places in my heart that were still so tender. I suddenly felt like crying.

"It was more painful than anything that had come before. Until the state took away our children."

"You had children together? Ummm…how?"

"We adopted two older boys that came from a bad home. Most foster parents and adoptive parents of older or challenging children are gay or lesbian."

"I had no idea. But why did the state take them away when you had been their parents for so long?"

"The death of my spouse triggered it. His parents didn't like me as they somehow viewed their son's gayness as my fault. They took me to court to get custody of the kids. The judge told me that he knew why I'd really adopted two boys." he said, mock accusation dripping from his voice.

"He accused you of raping them!" I asked, aghast.

"Indirectly yes. So I asked him if he indeed had two daughters. He did. I asked if he raped them." I snickered at that.

"It made me feel better for the moment too. But he put me in jail for contempt for two days. Took the boys away, who had been my sons for six years. I am never allowed to see them again."

"How can you live with that? I don't understand how you can go on after all that…" I said, trailing off at the end. Figuring out how to go on was the reason I was here, and something told me I had definitely come to the right place.

"I didn't want to for a long time. I tried to kill myself several times." he responded softly.

"Sounds like that didn't quite work out for you." I didn't say it out loud, but my curiosity partly stemmed from the fleeting thoughts of the sort. I'd be lying if I said it hadn't crossed my mind in the darkest moments of the past few weeks. It was one of the reasons I left my gun at home in my cookie jar.

"It wasn't like I didn't try." Raki said with a sad smile. "I took enough cyanide to kill three men. I knew about such things. I woke up three days later. After that I tried with my well maintained service revolver. I stuck it in my mouth and pulled the trigger and it wouldn't fire. So I pulled it out, checked it, then fired at the ceiling. It fired. So I put it in my mouth again, but again nothing happened. I tried the ceiling again and it worked that time. I decided to take it as a sign and live instead." he answered.

"I know I just met you and all…but I am glad you did." I could feel tears starting to stream from my eyes, unbidden and relentless.

"Thank you."

A while passed without speaking, and I focused instead on the sounds of the night approaching in this peaceful place while the sun dipped low on the water.

"How did you come to this place? What is it you do here?" I asked, trying to put the pieces together.

"After I lost my spouse and my children, his family was trying to take the house. I had made all the payments, but since it was under Vincent's name I had limited rights to it since we were not married in the eyes of the law. I had decided to live, but didn't want to spend my future in the courtroom arguing over a house that was riddled with the ghosts of my past. So I burned it down and decided to find a place of beauty instead…and start over."

"Ummm….back the train up. You burned hour house down? Can you do that?" I asked.

"The fire department said the same thing. When they couldn't think of a good reason why not they were more than happy to make it a training exercise." he smiled.

"Damn. That's one way to start over. I thought I was the only one that started fires…just never on purpose."

"I'll be sure to teach you how." he noted, and I gulped. I wasn't exactly sure when that skill would come in handy.

"What is it that you do now?" I questioned, anxious to understand how it was he would be able to help me exactly.

"Many things, but I was wise with my investments so I can be choosy about my endeavors. I occasionally contract to do training and mental conditioning for government special operatives. I instruct in a form of martial arts called Krav Maga. But my work of choice is to restore people who have been destroyed. I get referrals occasionally, mostly war veterans. Those who have endured the most significant post-traumatic stress imaginable. You may be my greatest challenge, as you will require the deluxe package."

"So I'm like the most pathetic case you've ever had. That's just lovely." I muttered, staring into the waning light.

"No Stephanie, as I understand it you've managed to maintain your sanity and come out alive when others would not if in that same hell. That includes some of the highly trained operatives I've encountered, who are twice your size and in top shape. You have fortitude and will to live, and that coupled with your survival instinct might have gotten you out of there even if the Rangemen hadn't arrived when they did. You did all this, even though you are largely untrained in combat. Aside from that, the last several years of your life have been remarkable in what you've accomplished, as well as the trauma you've endured. Despite your lack of training and somewhat unconventional methods, your capture rate as a bounty hunter is around 90%. By any standards that is extraordinary. You've been a step ahead of trained police detectives in several major investigations, even bringing in one of their own who was FTA. And Libby Kramer, as well as innumerable other children, are home safe tonight because of you. You are only needing the deluxe package because you've undergone so much trauma, and will need combat and skill training that most who come to me have already had—and they've endured less than you."

"Thanks for stroking my ego…but one of my most redeeming qualities is that at least I know I suck. Why have you told me all this?" I asked, the tears still drying on my cheeks from hearing his life story and words of support.

"Because the only thing that will get you through this is to believe in your own power again. You've already chosen life, and you are clearly a fighter. But to become the warrior you were meant to be, you must acquire confidence. I can give you skills, training, and support…but there are some things you must find on your own."

"You're not the first person who has told me that. I'm supposed to find 'meaning in the suffering.' I don't know how the hell that is supposed to happen." I seethed, furious at the injustice of it all.

"You are very angry right now. That's good…we can use that." he commented.

"Glad it is good for something. Beats the hell out of morbid depression." I admitted.

"I agree." he answered back.

"Raki…what happens next?" I asked.

"You and I will need to work very closely everyday. I shared my life with you just now because of that. We can have no secrets from each other. We will spend almost every moment together these next few months, training intensely. You must trust me completely, and I must be able to trust you."

"I sometimes feel like I won't be able to trust anyone again…not like I did before." I divulged.

"For many people you know that may be true. But I think you will find yourself trusting some people in your life more than you ever did before. You will see deeper into their hearts, and into your own." he responded.

"Will I get X-Ray vision too?" I answered sarcastically.

"No…but I can teach you how to fly." he answered without missing a beat.

"Bobby told you about the garage didn't he?"

"Yup. I also heard about the funeral home and the pussywagon." he retorted, tossing a charming smirk my way.

"That's just peachy." I grumbled.

"Well if it is any consolation, if walking in four inch heels and sitting down in a chair with a micro mini-skirt on without flashing your coochie isn't a superpower…I don't know what is." he offered.

"Nice of you to say, but for a Jersey girl that is a basic life skill." I explained, grinning in spite of myself.

"You have a beautiful smile Stephanie. I hope to see more of it soon. I promise you it won't hurt this much forever." he promised, looking right into my eyes.

"I'll hold you to that." I answered, reaching out for his hand. He held my hand until the night finally came, then brought me inside to show me where I would be spending the next few months of my life.

_For more on the Sunderbans follow these links_:

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	32. Scarred

**CHAPTER 32**

The inside of the house was very simple and modern, in spite of the fact that it was a log cabin in the middle of the woods. There was a large open living area with comfortable leather sofas and a ceiling that went to the 2nd story. Huge picture windows and skylights would fill it with light during the daytime, and I found myself looking forward to seeing that tomorrow. There was a large but simple kitchen, and he told me I would see the basement gym and training area later. We went up the stairs and he pointed out two master bedrooms…his and mine. We each had a balcony that connected in the middle, and was immediately above the deck we had gotten to know each other on earlier.

I held my breath as he opened the double doors leading to the most serene bedroom I had ever seen. The entire room had pale blue walls rather than the exposed timber like the other rooms of the cabin, yet the soothing smell of cedar was still thick in the air. Everything else was done in a pure white, with gauzy fabric draped across the windows and as a canopy over a very invitingly soft bed.

"It reminded me of a blank canvas." Raki said. "Clean and undisturbed, yet full of possibility."

"How long will I be living here?" I questioned.

"A few days. A few months. As long as you need to feel ready." he answered.

"Ready for what?"

"To face your fears. Trust yourself. Figure out what it is you want. Only you really know."

I sighed. This was definitely going to take forever. "So what happens tomorrow?" I asked.

"There will be something different every day, and you'll need to become comfortable dealing with the unexpected." he responded cryptically. He was starting to sound like someone else I knew who had trouble answering a direct question.

"What is your middle name?"

"Aja. And I assure you I won't always speak in riddles." he grinned.

"Good to know. If your first name means 'protector' than what does the middle name mean?"

"Goat."

"You're kidding!"

"No. My name is Rakesh Aja Kwatra."

"So your ultra exotic suave sounding name means 'protector of goats?'" I snickered.

"Well yes, but a goat is a sign of great wealth in poor communities, so really..."

"Nope...you've hit six feet my friend. Stop digging."

He just grinned and walked towards the entrance of the room. "You mind if I turn off the lights for a moment? I want to show you something."

I noticed he moved very slowly and always made sure he was in front of me, and asked me permission before doing anything that could startle me. He seemed at all times aware of how his presence and words affected me, careful not to trigger any sort of flashback. His deliberateness reminded me of Ranger, and my heart contracted at the thought of what he was doing now. I pushed it out of my mind.

"That's fine." I answered softly.

When the lights went off I was still a bit startled, but my attention shifted quickly to the ceiling where tiny lights twinkled all over. I realized it was a custom fiber optic effect that didn't come cheap. A distinct grouping of lights above the bed stood out. At first I thought it was supposed to look like a constellation, but when I turned and leaned back I recognized a pattern that looked like handwriting. In large flickering letters the word "SAFE" was written out above the bed.

"For when you wake up from the nightmares and don't know where you are." he explained.

"Thank you."

"You are most welcome. Sleep well Stephanie Plum."

I did sleep well. I did have one nightmare, but when I woke the lights immediately reminded me that I was indeed...safe.

The next morning I padded downstairs in my T-shirt and underwear to see if Raki had any coffee. The man was gay after all, and besides...I had precious little clothing that I'd brought with me and it didn't smell so good right about now. I found Raki in the living room contorted into an absurdly twisted position, balancing the entire weight of his body on his hands with his legs out to the side.

"Is that yoga?" I asked, taking a sip from the mug I'd found ready for me in the kitchen. He didn't answer. Guess being a human pretzel requires concentration. "Well just don't expect me to do any of that stuff. My leg doesn't bend that direction." I offered, taking another sip.

I watched him move his body gracefully into some amazing poses, and couldn't help but notice the way his defined muscles bulged as beads of sweat gathered on his dark skin. He was only wearing loose white cotton drawstring pants, which draped over his muscled legs nicely. His eyes remained closed, so I admired his body openly. I felt a little tingle in my abdomen, which shocked me so much I almost spilled my coffee. The thought of being intimate with anyone again after what happened was terrifying, but Raki's complete lack of interest in the opposite sex had me feeler a bit safer being around him. Well I guess the Hungarian hormones aren't completely in hibernation.

"So what's the plan for today Yoda?" I asked when I was sure he was finished.

"Therapy, so to speak." he answered.

"Hell no." I answered.

"Not that kind. Shopping therapy. You need more clothes than what you brought and you are starting to stink." he smiled.

"Shopping I can do." I smiled back.

"Therapy you will do too. But we can talk about that later." he retorted. I grimaced. He looked at me sternly. I took another sip of coffee and pretended not to notice.

After showering I put on my cleanest pair of jeans and borrowed one of Raki's shirts. I put on a bandanna and Ranger's SEALS cap that was at the bottom of my duffel bag to hide my head. Glancing at my reflection I noticed that the dark circles under my eyes were fading, though I still looked gaunt. I didn't like looking at myself in the mirror, because I was scared of seeing the deadness that had been reflected back in m eyes since my rescue.

I hurriedly dressed and joined Raki outside, where he ushered me into an open Jeep. We spent a few hours and a few hundred dollars buying me some clothes that were mostly of the athletic variety, since I would be doing a lot of sweating with no one to impress. It was the first time in a long time that a man had been willing to go shopping with me. That is if you don't count the times Ranger's men had been instructed to follow my every move whenever my latest stalker had been trying to kill me. Picturing Tank pacing with frustration outside of Victoria's Secret always brought a smile to my face.

Instead of heading back to the cabin afterwards, he took me to an area of town with dozens of art studios and galleries. From the eclectic mix of shops and storefronts, I couldn't figure out why he had brought me here as it looked like some kind of artist's colony.

"Raki...what are we doing here?" I asked.

He turned to me and his eyes looked sad. "Stephanie...you will wear scars from this for the rest of your life. We'll begin to work on the ones you bear on the outside first. Tomorrow I've got a dermatologist appointment to treat them. He is a nice man who insists on taking no payment once I described your situation." he began.

My heart lifted. "Really? He can take the scars off?"

"Not exactly...he will use laser treatments and other techniques to break up the scar tissue. It will be painful, but I've seen pictures of the end results and most scars become so faded that you have to look closely to see them. Starting this soon may yield even better results, but there will be some that are more visible."

I realized I was holding my breath. "And...the tattoo. What about that?" I asked, my hand gripping the seat so tight it hurt.

"He already warned me that he may be limited in what he can do about the tattoo, which is why we are here. There is somebody I would like for you to meet who can help."

He led me into an art studio off to the side of the complex, and once I passed the doors I was entranced by walls of beautiful, fantastical paintings. I never considered myself a fan of art or museums, but almost every single thing I saw I would have loved to be hanging on the wall of my apartment. There was one of a woman standing on a cliff looking over a canyon, and the colors were so brilliant that I couldn't pull my eyes away.

"That one is my favorite too." a voice said to me from behind. I turned to see a short and slender woman in her sixties with grey hair that grew down to her waist, who greeted me with a warm smile that wrinkled her eyes at the corners.

"I'm Lela. Welcome to my studio."

"Hi...I'm Stephanie."

"Pleased to meet you. Please follow me to my sitting area. Would you like some tea? Chai Raki?"

Raki nodded, as did I. She led us into a private side room where there were two comfortable red sofas and a coffee table covered in art books. Soon she returned with a tray carrying tea in delicate china cups with a plate of various cookies. She sat down next to me and smiled as I nibbled on a cookie. My pulse slowed as the sugar hit me after weeks of barely eating, and I found myself enjoying the cookie immensely. I was so absorbed in the cookies that it wasn't until the third one that I looked up and noticed both Lela and Raki smiling at me.

"Umm...so you're an artist?" I asked. The question didn't sound quite so stupid in my head.

"Yes. I work in many mediums. Has Raki informed you of my area of expertise?" she questioned. Raki shook his head at her.

"I used to specialize in tattoos, though now I do such work by appointment only."

"You don't look like the typical tattoo artist." I commented. She didn't have enough piercings and was about forty years too old for the profession. "Where did you learn how to do skin art?" I asked.

"Prison." she answered. I struggled for a minute, dumbfounded with how to respond with social grace to her unusual declaration.

"Okay. I give up on the small talk. Why am I here and how did a nice little old lady like you wind up in prison doing tattoos?" I blurted out, exasperated. My tolerance for any kind of tension was a bit low right now.

She just smiled. "I killed my husband who was severely abusing me. He was a police officer, and I was left with few options. Not exactly easy to prove my case, especially in those days before domestic violence was understood like it is now. I was always the creative type, and in prison you have to find something that makes you valuable to others. Status is power…it gives you protection. The tattoo artist was protected beyond any affiliation with a person or group, because everyone needed them. Seemed like a smart thing to do, and it my life as an artist seemed to take off from there once I was released. It was a long time ago, but I am grateful for it now. It is a part of who I am and led me down the path of becoming who I was meant to be."

I nodded in understanding, though prison life was a pretty vague picture for me. Something told me this lady could give Grandma Mazur a run for her money. She continued. "You are here because you've been cruelly inflicted with a prison style tattoo, and I can better assess how much of it can be removed, and what can be transformed."

"Transformed?" I asked, confused. I had blocked the idea out of my mind that not all of it would be removable.

"Yes. I also am quite familiar with tattoo removal, and tattoos done prison style like yours do not respond quite the same as professional ones to laser removal treatments. You need to be prepared to deal with the traces of their mark on you."

I wanted to yell. Scream. Break things. It wasn't fair. So unfair. I shook my head violently and felt the tears of fury forming. But just before the rage could take over movement caught the corner of my eye.

I looked up to see Raki leaving the room, and Lela silently removing her shirt. I gasped when I saw the most magnificent image of dozens of flowers bursting in a dazzling array of color all across her chest. Vibrantly green vines curled gracefully throughout the amazing portrait on her aging skin. No flower was the same, and they looked as though they were spilling out from her heart, from her very soul. The tattoo looked alive, as though it was jumping out at me, and my breath caught in my throat. It took me a moment to even realize that the canvas was where her breasts used to be.

The tears blurred my vision. "It's so beautiful…" I stammered.

"I went into remission seven years ago. It is my masterpiece, and it took me a year to complete it." she explained proudly.

"You did it yourself?" I asked, stunned.

"With a lot of mirrors and some improvised tools…yes. We artists can be quite innovative when we are inspired." Lela beamed, clearly proud of her accomplishment.

"I know this may be hard for you to understand now, but if I could trade it back and have my breasts again I wouldn't even consider it." she offered solemnly.

She offered me a tissue as I wiped the tears away. I sat there for a very long time. She seemed to understand and waited silently with me. Eventually I took off my shirt and bra, exposing the dark and cruel etching on my wounded skin.

"Help me." I pleaded.

Silent tears streamed from her eyes as she held my hand and began to examine the tattoo. Her voice was soft as she began to speak.

"It is a gross understatement to say that there is no skill or technique to this, it is extremely crudely done by any standards. Of the worst quality, and I imagine the man that did this to you had little idea what he was doing and almost no experience."

"I only remember flashes of it…I think I passed out." I heard myself say.

"This is good and bad. It looks like he used the typical method of putting a paper cone made of slick magazine pages above a candle flame, then took the smoky carbon scrapings it leaves and mixed it with a liquid soap as his ink. The soap must have had an antibacterial agent in it because there is no sign of infection or scarring, which is good. But the first two letters on your right breast are darkly pigmented and blotchy, and it fades steadily as you follow the lettering. He mixed it poorly and used the darkest blend first, then possibly ran out of ink. The marks are more and more broken up as the letters proceed."

"What can we do?" There was so much resting on her reply that it seemed like time ground to a halt.

"The last three letters I predict will be removable, but even with much treatment the first two will still be quite visible even when faded."

The tears came as I was confronted with the ugly truth. She waited. Eventually the tears stopped. I lifted my head, opened my eyes, and stared straight into hers.

"I hope an artist can do more than one masterpiece in a lifetime." I told her.

"I think I may just have another in me." Lela answered back, her eyes crinkling up at the corners.

She did. And this time it only took her the four months I was in Colorado to complete.

For more on masectomy tattoos see: .


	33. Crash Course

CHAPTER 33

After my morning coffee and a light breakfast Raki finally took me downstairs into the gym where we'd be doing most of our training. He showed me a small shower room off to the side and a cabinet full of vitamins and supplements he said he would talk me through later, but when he opened the main door I was in awe. The basement level of the cabin was all one giant room, with a few columns for support. In one corner was a variety of exercise equipment. It was mostly medicine balls, basic weightlifting apparatus, and devices for working with your own body weight at different angles. Raki's eyes followed mine and he answered my unspoken question.

"I've never thought that dozens of expensive Nautilus machines were necessary for fitness, and I find them cumbersome and impractical. We're going to develop a workout routine for you that is realistic for lifelong health. I think you'll find my methods a bit untraditional, but a little creativity in your workouts will keep you interested and provide all the strength and stamina you really need on a regular basis. I'm going to show you how to develop strong core muscles and work all the muscle groups together in short workouts rather than spending a lot of time isolating the larger ones."

I wasn't sure what to think so far, but it sounded like he had big plans for me. I looked around the rest of the gym and in the opposite corner there was a wide variety of pads and hanging bags. Roughly half of the floor was a thick mat, and I guessed this area was for defensive tactics and hand to hand training, and perhaps some boxing. Along one entire wall there hung a variety of every sort of weapon I could think of, ropes and climbing gear, and electronic gadgets for surveillance and who knows what else. I wandered over closer to get a good look, and my attention was drawn to a large bookshelf that was filled to overflowing.

"This is your training library, and I'll be giving you some reading assignments as time passes. I'll also be giving you a list of books I recommend if you choose to continue your reading when you decide to continue your journey elsewhere." I heard his voice explain from behind me. I looked through the shelves at the wide array of subjects. Criminology textbooks. Why They Kill by Richard Rhodes. Basic auto repair. Lockpicking. Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu. Law Enforcement Field Guide. Combat medicine. U.S. Army SEAR manual for Survival, Evasion, and Rescue. The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. A whole series of books by someone named Lt. Col. Dave Grossman. Interviewing and interrogation techniques. Weapons manuals. Defensive Shooting for Real Life Scenarios. Books on changing your identity and covering your tracks.

He handed me what I assumed was my first assignment. "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl. It was very thin novel, and I felt relieved.

"Don't worry…I'll walk you through most of it. Just remember that the skills Bobby and I and all these military guys possess did not happen by accident. It isn't about talent as much as it is about training. They have had lots of it, and developed their skills and abilities over time in countless exercises, some only drills and others very real. They've had the luxury of learning from some of the best trained fighting forces in the world, who've cultivated their knowledge and skill over centuries. I can give you a piece of that. Just remember that panic is what a person does when they have no training and no plan."

My eyes moved to the side of the bookshelf where there was a wooden door standing on a wide base attached to a freestanding frame, so that the door did not connect to the wall or lead to anything. The confusion must have shown on my face.

"Look on the other side." Raki coaxed with a smile.

I peered around to the other side of the door and was surprised to see that it had every type of lock I could imagine. They ran along the side of the door and even the top portion, and I wasn't even sure how some of them worked.

"The FBI has a similar device, and recruits have a time limit in which they have to get past every lock in order to go on to the next phase of the academy. I'll teach you how to get around these locks and even some alarm systems."

"Cool." I turned around and took a second look at where I would be spending most of the next few months, then I turned to Raki. "So where do we start?" I asked.

His face became serious and he pointed his muscled arm towards a treadmill in the corner and simply commanded "Run."

I hated running, but after all that had happened I fully recognized that it wasn't much of an option anymore. If something ever caused me to be that afraid again and running away was an option…I damn well wanted to be willing and able to. I couldn't yet imagine myself wanting to run towards danger though. Ten minutes and one very sweaty mile later I was ready to collapse and he was ready to begin. We started by shadowboxing. No gloves, just hand wraps so that I could learn how to jab. The jab, Raki said, was the most important punch. It is always done with the left hand if you are right handed, and it will open the way for the right hand to deliver power punches like the right cross. I was pretty pleased with the satisfying smack I felt when I tried upper cuts. After ten minutes of that I was feeling pretty pleased with myself. Then he came over with a pair of gloves.

"It smells like something died inside of these." I told him, wrinkling my nose.

"That's how you know you are in a real gym." he cocked his eyebrow at me.

Now the fun really began. He showed me a circuit of boxing exercises that I would move through after a designated amount of time. Whenever he blew a whistle, it was time to switch. Something told me I was going to grow to hate that whistle. For the next ninety minutes I worked out on two wall mounted bags for the upper torso and one full body, a heavy hanging body bag, a doublebag to build speed and reflexes, and a speed bag for hand eye coordination. I finished off with fifty sit ups, done while lifting a medicine ball. Along the way I learned the right cross, left hook, upper cut, and combinations.

The rage that still simmered inside me was all that kept me from giving up. I've never run a marathon. I've never been one of those five day a week gym people. But as I laid spread eagled on the mat in a pool of my own sweat gasping for air, I felt a rush of macho superiority even as the bone deep fatigue washed over me. I had survived. I felt like a jock. The pain I felt later in the muscles I never knew I had was just a reminder of those parts of myself I had yet to discover.

As the days passed a pattern started to develop. We would start the morning with the most aggressive workouts, then he would give me time to shower and recover. After lunch he always had something to teach me about, and he told me a lot of stories from his past and others he had worked with to keep it interesting. In the late afternoon we usually were back in the gym, and I seldom knew what to expect. The evenings I had to myself, but we often spent time together talking and learning anyway, with a fair amount of time in the Jacuzzi relaxing all my sore muscles. He was an incredible teacher, and an even better friend. The sheer amount of knowledge and skill he tried to pass on to me at times was overwhelming, but he was very patient and tried to help me relax and have fun.

In the mornings we rotated through boxing, basic strength training, and his specialty of Krav Maga with a little Jujitsu ground-fighting tactics thrown in. There were a lot of martial arts out there and they all seemed the same to me, but as we went on I realized Krav was where it was at. He explained that it was developed by the Israeli defense forces and tested on the battlefield, and is now taught to law enforcement professionals all over the world. This was no holds barred, down and dirty street fighting. No complicated philosophies, no ritual bowing beforehand, no colored belts, no tournaments to compete in, and most of all…no rules. At the most advanced level it enables one unarmed person to fight off multiple attackers who have guns and knives. Though I didn't think I would get to that level, as time went on I grew more and more confident in how to take down opponents of all sizes. My reactions became automatic the more he had me practice the moves. It turns out that I had an exceptional sense of balance, but then again he had never seen me walk on 3 ½ inch heels.

When we first tried to spar I would occasionally flashback and freak out on him, but he always handled it gracefully. There were times that I would simply burst into tears with no idea why, and the nightmares kept coming. Eventually after much persuasion he got me to go see a therapist, but only after promising me that I wouldn't have to talk about and relive everything my captors had done to me. The therapist specialized in EMDR, also known as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. It had a huge success rate in cases of post traumatic stress disorder, so I signed on with reluctance. My therapist would have me focus on a negative image of my experience in my private torture chamber and all the thoughts and body sensations surrounding it, while simultaneously moving my eyes back and forth. She made me follow her fingers as they moved across my field of vision for sometimes up to a minute. Sometimes she made me simultaneously focus on auditory tones or move my hands across different kinds of surfaces. She would just tell me to notice whatever happened, and then let my mind go blank and notice whatever thought, feeling, image, memory, or sensation came to mind.

At first I thought it was ridiculous, but over time I noticed I could tap into the memories without feeling the panic or distress usually associated with it. She explained that the purpose of the exercises was to create dual attention so that my brain could process the trauma. The strong negative feelings supposedly interfered with my ability to process it, and EMDR would allow that processing to occur. She described information processing as something that occurs when the targeted memories were linked with other more adaptive information. Learning then takes place, and the experience is stored with appropriate emotions, which would then appropriately guide me in the future. I honestly tried to understand, but it was still a bit confusing. However, the bottom line was that it worked. I knew that the trauma had changed me forever, but the flashbacks and nightmares stopped and I no longer blamed myself for all that had happened.

I saw the therapist twice a week in the afternoons, but most of the time was spent with Raki learning about a variety of subjects. He did show me how to get past locks and more basic alarm systems. Some days he would help me work on an old army jeep he was restoring, and I was surprised to find I enjoyed working on cars with him. Other days we talked about some of the books he had me reading.

He helped me purchase and learn how to use all kinds of cool spy gear, including bugs and remote camera recorders and the tools to sweep for them. I got suited up with night vision gear and listening devices, and I started to realize just how great the SWAT style pants were for keeping all the stuff I might need within reach. I bought and stocked multiple "go-bags" with all kinds of equipment for every imaginable scenario. I got in the practice of always carrying around my gun and a really good multi-tool, and we got different styles of holsters to conceal weapons in different places on my body. My favorite was the Superbra by Quigley, which was a black bra that was made of elastic, Velcro, and a soft plastic holster and fit securely around my ribcage below the breasts. It concealed a canister of pepper spray and a small revolver or semi-automatic. We went to the range almost every other day until I fired different weapons so many times in so many ways that everything form holstering to reloading to firing was completely automatic. I still hated guns and weapons, but started to view them as a necessary evil. Raki liked to quote the Chinese philosophy book by Lao Tzu.

"Remember Stephanie…weapons are ill-omened tools, not proper instruments. When their use can't be avoided, calm restraint is best. Don't think they are beautiful. Those who think they are beautiful rejoice in killing people. Those who rejoice in killing people cannot achieve their purpose in this world." he would recite. I grew fond of listening to all his quoted wisdoms, knowing that it was coming from someone who had learned the hard way and not just from some book.

I think what I most enjoyed were our field trips. Colorado was a breathtakingly beautiful state. We started off by exploring and even camping around his cabin, and he taught me about survivalism, some basic rock-climbing holds and techniques, as well as working with ropes and knots and rappelling. On our more extended trips in the woods he focused on survival techniques and developing stealth so that I could move around undetected. One day he even took me to an old abandoned house and taught me how to kick in a door without breaking my leg. I think I enjoyed that a little too much.

We occasionally would go into the city, and often practiced target shooting at some of the local ranges. Sometimes he would teach me odd things, like how to keep cigarettes on you at all times and smoke casually without coughing. He claimed this helps you to look like you belong and causes you to go unnoticed, and in some situations can help you establish contacts by hanging out in an area you are surveilling since smoking is a group activity. At first I questioned the practicality of all he was teaching me, but eventually learned to just trust that he knew what he was doing. I felt my confidence grow, and began to see how all the knowledge he was passing on might help me adapt to whatever life might throw at me in the future. Most of the time I seemed to forget my future and about Trenton, but it troubled me late in the evening whenever I was alone. Going back. My job. My family. My life. Joe. Ranger. The longer I was away the more I felt like a stranger who would be coming back into someone else's life. Raki must have sensed that I didn't want to talk about it, and it wasn't until the last month he began to push me about what I was going to do for my re-entry into Jersey.


	34. Eucatastrophe

CHAPTER 34

I relaxed into the lounge chair on the deck as the sun went down, content to digest the incredible Indian meal that Raki had cooked for me. The way he cooked vegetables was so flavorful it made the idea of being a vegetarian not so bad. Not that I was considering it mind you. I wasn't about to miss out my meatball subs from Pino's.

As I thought about Pino's my mind drifted again to life in Trenton, as it often did this time of day. I barely even noticed Raki settling into the chair beside me.

"I would say you look to be about a million miles away, but something tells me it's only 1800 miles." he offered knowingly.

I sighed. "I've learned so much Raki, but going back is still so frightening and I know it's coming sooner rather than later. This is a whole different place, a different life, and I feel like a different person here."

"It won't be easy, but you are already stronger than you realize. Why don't you start with the small decisions…What about your job?" he asked.

"Well I guess I'll start by blackmailing Vinnie again to get my job back. I don't know that I want to stay a bounty hunter, but I feel like I need to finish what I started. Conquer it somehow before I move on. After that I really don't know Raki. It's not like my life has ever had that much direction, and even with three and a half months to step back and contemplate it all, that hasn't seemed to change." I answered.

"Sounds like a good start. Remember the first book I had you read? What did we discuss about success?" he quizzed.

"Yes I do. Don't aim at success - the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue." I quoted, very proud of myself. It had become my favorite book it helped me make more sense of what had happened to me, and I think Raki realized he was not going to get the copy he'd loaned to me back.

"Very good. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it**. ****I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge**. Life will ask you questions as you go, and you must answer back."

"Thanks Yoda, but somehow I don't think my mother will go for that." I smirked, running my hands through my short crop of curly hair that had begun to grow out.

He laughed, as he always did when I used my favorite nickname and went all Jersey girl on him.

"So you worry about explaining yourself to them?" he questioned.

"That's the story of my life. Explaining myself to them but they don't understand. I've never fit into the life that they or anyone in Trenton seems to think I should live. I've never known who I was, but clearly I wasn't what they expected." I grumbled.

"Conformity is the dark side of human sociability Stephanie. At some point you'll have to stop caring about what everyone else thinks, and be okay with who you are and what you want." he offered.

"I know. Easier said than done." I thought of Sally then and the promise I made at his graveside, and my eyes grew moist as I looked out over the lake. I still thought of him often.

"You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. They may never understand you, but the important thing is that you love each other anyway."

"Yeah. I do. I miss everyone." I thought of Lula and Connie, then Mary Lou. Carl and Eddie. Rex and Bob. Mom. Dad. Grandma. Joe. Ranger. My heart contracted.

"You'll never know how important it is to be different Stephanie, to be the voice of dissent who refuses to conform to others expectations. Did I ever tell you about the experiments of Stanley Milgram on the perils of obedience?"

"No."

"It was fascinating. All different kinds of people participated, hired through the newspaper. All they were told to do was to press a button and turn a dial that would administer a mild shock to a person hooked up to the wires on the other side of a one way mirror. They were to do this whenever the test subject gave an incorrect answer to the questions they were asked. The test administrator would direct them on what to do, and he assured they were merely trying to test the effects of punishment on learning. The experimenter was a stern guy dressed in a white lab coat, and tried to project an air of authority but never said anything about his credentials." he explained.

"Sounds simple enough…what does that have to do with conformity?" I asked.

"It gets better. There was no electricity. No shocks. What they were really testing was how far a person would go when directed to by someone they viewed as an authority. With each wrong answer the participant would be told to increase the voltage and then shock the person on the other side of the glass. After a while, the test subject would start to bang on the glass and complain about a heart condition."

"Please tell me they would stop."

"Nope. At that point, many people paused and questioned the purpose of the experiment, and some asked to stop the experiment and check on the test subject. But most continued after being assured that they would not be held responsible. A few of them began to laugh nervously or show signs of extreme stress once they heard the screams of pain coming from the test subject. If at anytime they indicated they wanted to stop the experiment, they were simply instructed to continue, and told they had no other choice."

"But you always have a choice!" I replied angrily.

"Precisely. After being told to continue four times, if the participant still wished to stop they would allow it. But otherwise they were told to halt after the subject had given the maximum 450-volt shock three times in succession. It was amazing how people wouldn't stop shocking the person on the other side of the glass, despite cries of pain and even apparent loss of consciousness."

"Simply because someone told them to. That's sick." I answered, disgusted.

"An unfortunately, the usual way that a human being reacts when conformity is the norm. 65% of them were willing to inflict a fatal voltage even though they indicated it didn't seem right. I think about that experiment a lot Stephanie…it says a lot about people. It means we must beware of evil systems more than evil men. It says a lot about how the Holocaust happened. The thing is, we all have the capacity to perform evil acts, and will disregard our moral instincts if put in situations that capitalize on our normal human weaknesses. Remember that the power rests with dissenting voices. It can feel hopeless to be in the minority, by doing what you feel is right you can have a powerful effect. But you'll never be thanked for it."

We went for a long time without speaking after that. As always he had given me a lot to think about. As the sun went down over the water I realized my time with him was drawing to a close as well.

"What is left to do here before I go back?" I asked, my voice sounding timid in the increasing darkness.

"There are two things you need to face, and you'll find out about the second tomorrow." Raki replied.

"And the first?"

"Let's review some of what I've taught you, shall we?" he grinned.

"Oh crap. Take it away Socrates." I groaned.

"_Quisquis auream mediocritatem diligit_." he said in Latin.

"It refers to the oracle at Delphi. It means to strike a balance between two extremes, and is one of the highest goals of man to achieve spiritual fulfillment. How am I doing so far?" I stuck out my tongue.

"Cute. And what does the yin-yang symbol refer to?"

"The standard pink double dolphin tattoo that every college girl gets in the attempt to rebel." I joked. He rolled his eyes. He had seen me do it enough that he was getting good at it.

"Try again. What does yin-yang mean." he asked.

"It refers to the principles of the Chinese philosophy of Tao. It refers to duality. That every principle is divided into two opposite principles. Two principles which oppose one another in their actions, yin and yang. They battle each other for dominance."

"Not bad. And what might some of those opposite principles be?" he asked.

"I dunno. Good and evil. Masculine and feminine. Light and dark. I told you I never really understood the point of all that."

"Yes, I know…but now you must. Stephanie, since the one principle produces the other, all phenomena have within them the seeds of their opposite state, that is, sickness has the seeds of health, health contains the seeds of sickness, wealth contains the seeds of poverty, and so on. Even though an opposite may not be seen to be present, since one principle produces the other, no phenomenon is completely devoid of its opposite state."

I thought about that for a while. "I think I get it, but I don't know why you think it is so important." I responded.

"Okay…bear with me just a little longer. Do you remember last night's reading assignment?"

"Yes, the part about Crime and Punishment from The Prophet." I answered.

He sat up in the lounge chair and turned his broad body to mine, looking intently at me. I stiffened, getting the sudden sense that he was about to impart his most important lesson. As he began to speak I realized he was quoting the section I had read last night, but he was speaking it directly to me.

"I've heard you speak often of one who commits wrong as though he were not one of you, but a stranger unto you and an intruder upon your world. But I say that even the holy and righteous cannot rise beyond the highest which is in each one of you. So the wicked and the weak cannot fall lower than the lowest which is in you also."

I wasn't sure why but I started to get angry. "Please quit speaking in riddles. I must be stupid, but I need you to spell it out for me." I grunted at him, failing to meet his gaze.

He kept speaking as though he hadn't heard me. "There was once a boy who grew up in a very bad part of town. His family was very poor, and both his parents were addicted to crack cocaine. The left him and his brother pretty much on their own when they weren't beating them unconscious, and so they relied solely on each other to get by. They often had to steal just to eat. Sometimes their cousin would help them, but no one else ever gave them anything. They grew bitter as even their teachers turned a blind eye, and when they grew old enough they dropped out of school. As they got older things got harder, and they found themselves abandoned with no place to live. Like a lot of kids, they turned to the gangs for protection on the dangerous streets. It was the only family they ever knew aside from each other."

I stood up suddenly and crossed the deck, leaning against the railing with my back to him. "Sad story. Is there a point coming soon?" I grumbled.

"They hadn't been in the gang long when they were told they must participate in an initiation ritual. It wasn't optional, meaning participate or they would be killed. So they did. But the person the group was targeting as part of the initiation ritual resisted, and some people got shot."

I was growing impatient with his story, still wondering what the hell it had to do with me and only half listening.

He continued. "The first brother was badly injured, and he had no health insurance of course. Stuck suffering with minimal use of his body for the rest of his now shortened life before he had the chance to become a man.. The gang disbanded, and all he had left was his brother and cousin. They tried to help each other get by like they had before, but it was anything but easy and they existed by living in an abandoned building and breaking into cars for money. They refused to sell drugs though because of what it had done to their parents. The first brother was suffering tremendously, and they felt lost to help him. Their bitterness grew and they wanted revenge."

I'd finally had it. I screamed at him "What the fuck does this have to do with me Raki? How does the story end?" But I already knew the answer.

"It ended when you killed the two brothers, even though you didn't have to." he answered solemnly.

I spun around in fury, screaming with rage. "THEY TORTURED ME!"

"I know." he answered. "But that still doesn't make it right."

I realized I was weeping. He came over closer and tried to put his arm around my shoulder, but I slapped it away.

"You can't hold onto this hatred any longer. You have to forgive them. You have to forgive yourself." he urged gently.

I had collapsed to my knees, sobbing uncontrollably. "So much cruelty…pain. How could they? It wasn't my fault! I was the fucking victim! Me! Why should I bear any responsibility!" I screamed. My voice echoed in the canyon as my shrill words bounced back to me.

Raki's warm muscled arms surrounded me as he sat down by my side. "I know Steph. There is no excuse for what they did to you. It was a choice. It was wrong. Evil. Criminal."

"Then why the hell do I have to forgive!"

"Because you know you didn't have to kill the two brothers. You know that by doing so you became like them. The seeds of evil in them are in you too. You will continue to confront darkness in your life, and it can swallow you too if you are not careful. Holding on to hate will lead you to make the wrong choices. Love and hate. Yin and yang. You must forgive, or you'll never find balance in your life."

I cried until I couldn't cry anymore, and he held me tight as I shivered in the night air. I was still angry, maybe I always would be. But I knew he was right. I had known it all along.


	35. Kodiak

CHAPTER 35

The next morning I slept in late, but when I awoke I felt lighter somehow. After sharing a silent cup of coffee Raki motioned me into the living room. I plopped down onto the couch across from him, still feeling drained from the night before.

"So there is one more very important thing I think we need to talk about." he began. I was filled with apprehension, knowing how hard yesterday's hurdle was.

"Relax." he smiled, sensing my uneasiness.

"Okay Yoda. I trust in the force."

"Why do you keep talking about this force?"

"Raki…you've got to get out more. You have to be the only person on the planet that hasn't seen any of the Star Wars movies."

"Why see movies when there are books, theater, and museums?" he chided me.

"We are not having this argument again." I groaned. He smirked.

As I finished my coffee he began speaking. "Stephanie…I'm concerned about you continuing as a bounty hunter without assistance. It is not the sort of thing that can be safely done alone, especially with the high bond cases."

"I told you about Lula." I answered. He just stared at me, unblinking.

"Okay…so Lula is doesn't exactly count as backup." I admitted.

"From the stories you've told me, she's sort of like a cross-eyed javelin thrower. Not great on accuracy but she sure does keep the crowd's attention." he quipped. I laughed so hard I almost spit out my coffee.

"But I can always call the guys…" I started.

"No you won't. You want to prove to them and yourself that you can function independently. You always have, so you wait until you are in over your head."

"No I don't!" I blurted out. Yes I do. Always. He had my number.

"Stephanie…you need a partner. You can't deny that Rangeman is only capable of the higher bond cases because they work as a team, not individuals." he stated adamantly.

Before I could voice the dozens of objections forming in my mind, he abruptly stood up and yelled loudly in what sounded like German.

"Hier!" he commanded. All of the sudden I sensed movement on the stairwell and a huge brownish black blur shot past me. I reacted quickly, vaulting over the couch and landing by the fireplace.

"Sitz! Blieb!" he ordered the mass of fur that sat down promptly in front of him and remained perfectly still and at attention.

"What the fuck is that!" I yelled, taking my hand off my holster and peeking over the couch.

"It is a dog." he answered matter of factly.

"No! That is not a dog! That is a Kodiak bear!" I exclaimed. I'd seen pictures once of the Alaskan brown bear once and knew it was the largest, and from my cursory glance that's what the brown blob in front of me resembled.

"It is a German Shepherd…with a few larger breeds mixed in."

"That is the biggest freakin' German Shepherd I've ever seen! His thighs are bigger than mine for God's sake! He must weigh over 200 pounds! "

"205 pounds to be exact. Meet your new partner." he said with a smile. He motioned and the dog stood up on his hind legs and put his front legs on his shoulders. Raki was 6 feet tall but he had nothing on the dog.

"You are coo-coo for cocoa puffs my friend." I glared at him. He looked confused at the reference.

"Okay, setting your complete lack of pop culture knowledge aside…have you lost your mind? You want me to partner with a dog?"

"Since he is technically a mutt I got him on discount for $15,000. He can sniff out even the smallest hint of narcotics and explosives, track scents, perform search and rescue, and is highly trained in personal protection." he explained.

"$15,000? The thing must shit solid gold!"

"No, but he is trained to shit only once a day at exactly 11pm, and will urinate and eat only at your command." Raki beamed.

Holy crap! This dog was the anti-Bob. "So what else can he do?" I asked, coming out from behind the couch. The dog watched my every movement, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just a little bit terrified of him. The thing was enormous.

"I think it is best to show you. He arrived early this morning, and since I've worked with canines in the military I took the liberty of setting up a demonstration downstairs and he's been practicing to impress you." he said, getting up from the chair and starting towards the stairs to the basement gym. "Fuss!" he commanded. The dog bounded to his side and followed alongside him with military precision.

"Just be sure not to make any sudden movements." he warned casually. I had really hoped I would never be in a real life situation where someone would say that to me, but here I was. I followed them, keeping a safe distance. The dog occasionally looked back to keep tabs on me.

Once we were downstairs I saw that he had set up an obstacle course, and there was a padded dummy laying on the ground. He ran the dog through the course with a series of shouted German commands, jumping over barriers as tall as I was and crawling through a tunnel. The dog could jump an across an amazing span, and even walked across a beam the width of two fingers. When he yelled "Hopp!" the jog jumped up and down. When he ordered "Gibb laut" the dog barked while continuing to jump. When he yelled "Halt! Platz!" the dog stopped and laid down at his feet, not even breathing hard. He pointed to a dumbbell and shouted "Bring" and the animal grasped it in his mouth and brought it over to Raki, dropping it at his feet on command.

"Okay…so I'm impressed. The dog can probably kick ass doing gymnastics on a pommel horse too. But how is this going to protect me?"

"Once this dog bonds with you as his master, he will defend you to the death. Watch this." he chuckled, pointing at the dummy laying on the ground on the far side of the room.

"Packen!" he yelled loudly. The dog ran like he was on fire, and bit down on the dummy's arm, growling and snarling so viciously I almost wet my pants.

"He won't let go. Not until commanded to." he explained.

"What if someone else commands him to?" I asked.

"He will only take commands from his master or someone he has been trained to follow commands from. He will not even eat something given to him by anyone else. If an unauthorized person tries to issue the German commands to him, he will go on full attack automatically."

"Sweet."

"Indeed." he agreed. The dog seemed to be enjoying itself immensely, dragging the life sized dummy around like it was a tiny doll. I had practiced with that dummy before and it weighed 180 lbs.

"Entlassung! Pass auf!" he bellowed. The dog released the dummy, and instead paced back and forth in front of it, snarling and snapping.

"What is he doing now?"

"I just commanded him to guard the dummy. He won't let anyone approach. Not without severe consequences."

"Okay…so maybe this isn't such a bad idea." I relented, still eyeing the dog cautiously.

"Zwinger!" he commanded. The dog abruptly ceased standing guard and went into a huge plastic kennel near the basement door. He plopped down inside, and I think he looked pleased with his performance.

"So are you convinced?" Raki asked expectantly, also looking pleased with himself.

"Maybe..." I replied cautiously.

"I have a padded suit you can put on and I'll give you a running start." he offered.

"No! That's okay…really. I believe you. It's just that this is a huge commitment and responsibility! That dog could kill someone if I don't know what I'm doing, and I've never learned to work with a partner before. The human ones are hard enough!"

"You leave for the K9 Solutions Center in Brookville Ohio for a two week handler's course at 5pm tonight. I'm a guest instructor there." Raki answered.

"What if I say no?"

"I hid some weed in your panty drawer just in case you need another demonstration." he declared with a boyish grin.

"Ass."

"I try."


	36. Trip Back to Trenton

CHAPTER 36

The 5pm flight he referred to turned out to be aboard a Cessna 210 piloted by Raki himself. Among his many acquired skills was a pilot instructor's license. It was a practical hobby considering the business trips he took to instruct all over the country, though he tried to limit them during the four months I'd been in Colorado. I enjoyed our final lesson together, and flying a plane wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. He walked me through how to read all of the gauges on the dash as I sat up front with him at the second set of controls. He taught me how to figure out our vector, how a transponder worked, and how to read the GPS monitor. I spent a lot of time chasing the instruments around trying to keep the plane at the right altitude, speed, and direction, but eventually I learned to watch the horizon in relation to the nose and wings of the plane. He kept telling me to "feel" the plane. It was a lot more like a car than I thought it would be, but understanding all the air traffic control language on the radio was very confusing. He said I picked it up quickly for a first lesson, and he let me do the flying about half the time. Of course I left the whole takeoff and landing part to him. That seemed to be the most dangerous part, and he talked himself through the steps out loud to make sure he didn't forget anything. There were a lot of actions that had to be performed in rapid succession, with a small margin for error. I decided one lesson was enough for me. We said our tearful goodbyes at a small airstrip outside of Brookville, and he promised that he'd contact me regularly and would always be there if I needed him.

The two weeks of K9 training were intense, covering all aspects of obedience and behavior modification training, as well as the fundamentals of dog pack behavior. Fortunately the hardest part of all the training had been done for me, so all I had to learn was the German commands and the drills and exercises it would be necessary to do to keep his skills up. By the end the dog and I had definitely bonded. I had decided to name him Kodiak, after my first impression, but I usually called him Kody for short. After getting over my initial fear, I realized Kody could be just as sweet, affectionate, and willing to please as any other dog once he recognized me as the Alpha dog in this arrangement. You just had to be careful not to piss him off. We slept together, ate together, and he spent 99% of his waking hours on a leash by my side. He really started to feel like a true partner…only with more hair than any Italian I'd ever slept with, which wasn't saying much.

I had kept in touch with Raki via email on my new souped up laptop, and he helped me make final arrangements for my return to Jersey. The computer was programmed to work with all my new gadgets and had some nifty search programs on it to help track down people, including some of the ones I'd used at Rangeman. It was an unfortunate realization that money had an awful lot to do with becoming a good bounty hunter, but training and equipment wasn't cheap. I'd already spent over $65,000 of the $150,000 once I purchased a specially equipped Chevy Tahoe to drive back to Trenton in.

We'd had most of my gear shipped to my new apartment already, and Dillon had allowed movers in to box up most of my possessions from my old place. I was going to spend one last night there, with the movers scheduled to come in the morning. As much as I loved my apartment and didn't want to leave, it just wasn't safe enough and I knew I had to make a fresh start. I'd found a small corner loft apartment only a few blocks from Rangeman that had 24 hour security monitoring and a lot more privacy. It was on the highest floor and had only one window with good visibility of the surrounding area.

The apartment was rented to a fictional corporation I'd created to make it harder to track me, and I changed my mail to go to a Post Office box and made sure all my numbers were unlisted. As an ode to Ranger I changed the address on my driver's license to a vacant lot. I planned on a select few people knowing where I lived, but the hardest part would be constantly making sure I wasn't being tailed or tracked by anyone who would want to hurt me. Unfortunately I'd learned that the kind of hyper vigilance people like Ranger displayed about such things was typically won through suffering the consequences of failure to do so. I hadn't been hunted in some South American jungle by a group of heavily armed guerillas, but my experiences in Trenton had been enough. Now I had an awareness and constant caution, and couldn't help but think ahead of time about possible dangers. It felt instinctive now, but I knew better. It was nothing but controlled fear.

Once the concealed compartments, alarm systems, 4WD and tow package had been installed the Tahoe we rented a car to pick it up in Cincinnati. There was steel grating between the front and back seats and no window or lock controls in the rear so that my skips wouldn't misbehave. The sealed off rear cargo area that was to be Kody's doghouse on wheels had steel grating along the windows. However, at the press of a button on my keychain the back gate would open so that Kody could be released at my whim. I put a comfy padded bed back there for him with some industrial strength chew toys, along with a fan and water supply. Beneath him in the cargo area was an entire layer of lockable compartments where I would store items for almost every contingency. I planned on packing it with rope, a wide variety of tools, chain, some of the bugs and spy equipment, nightvision goggles, extra body armor, basic survival gear, restraints and zip ties, and other assorted items Raki had introduced me to. Oh yeah…and a shitload of ammo.

I bought Kody and me a Happy Meal to celebrate after our graduation and we began the very long drive to Trenton. I had a lot of time to think on the way there, as it took over ten hours. I decided that after I finished moving tomorrow night I would charge up my old cell phone and make the first of many calls. The first call and visit would be to my family, as I know they had been worried sick about me. Then I planned on going by Mary Lou's to pick up Rex. After going by the office and getting my job back, there was no denying that Joe and Ranger would be next on the list. It seemed like a plan, but something told me it might not work out exactly in that order knowing how my plans never tended to work out in practice. I tried to think of what I would say to any of them, but couldn't. I decided to go with the flow and remember Raki's advice that I didn't really owe anyone an explanation for doing what I needed to do.

It was late on a Friday night that Kody and I rolled into Trenton. I was tired from all of the driving, but energized by seeing all the familiar sights around me that I had grown up with. The feeling of coming back home was comforting and scary all at once. When I pulled into the parking lot and looked up at the building I saw Ranger in my mind flying through the window and down to the concrete. The memory was painful and frightening, but I could mostly control my reactions to them now. Even though I had been locked in the van and only heard him, I could envision him so clearly running after me, yelling my name and firing all the rounds he had. I gulped, and decided that I would call him in the morning. I had to tell him. I had to let him know that there was nothing he could have done, and that I was okay.

After activating the car alarm systems and grabbing my overnight bag and Kody and I furtively took the back stairwell, entering my old apartment silently. Despite the time that had passed, the sheets over the furniture, and almost everything in boxes, it still felt the same. Kody and I surveilled the apartment, and I got out a bowl of food and water for him when we were done. After ordering him to eat, I went into my bathroom and freshened up. I unloaded my utility belt with my new handguns, extra magazines, tasers, and pepper spray and placed them on the nightstand. Next to them I put the Kel Tech .380 and small pepper spray canister from my bra, then the baby Glock from my ankle holster. I was exhausted, but after checking over the apartment I realized there were a few more things I needed to do before going to bed.


	37. Ranger Meets Kodiak

CHAPTER 37

As expected, I awoke to Kody growling beside me. When I heard the front door open he sprang from the bed to greet my guest. I got dressed quickly, meaning I grabbed my Sig Sauer .40 caliber before I walked out of the bedroom door in my T-shirt and underwear. I flipped on the lights and pointed my gun at the figure laying on the ground with Kody poised above him.

Ranger as always was dressed in all black, but was on his back on the ground with his arms splayed out in an appeasing gesture. Kody's massive jaws were braced tightly around Ranger's neck, with enough pressure to show he was serious without breaking the skin. They both had every muscle strung tighter than piano wire as Kody growled viciously and waited for my command.

"Aus!" I ordered, and Kody promptly took his teeth off of Ranger's neck and backed off. I knew that I couldn't confuse Kody by teaching him it was acceptable for people to break into my apartment. No exceptions.

"Don't make any sudden moves." I casually warned Ranger, lowering my gun to the side.

"Riechen sie. Freund." I commanded, and Kody began to intently smell Ranger, paying particular attention to his crotch.

"I see you've met Kodiak. Please allow him a moment to get acquainted." I explained.

"Usually I at least get dinner first Babe." Ranger growled in a low voice. He didn't sound happy.

"He'll identify you as a friend from now on. You can get up now." I offered.

"Hier! Steh!" I prompted, and Kody bounded to my side. I was careful to combine the verbal commands with the hand signs, so that if needed he would follow instruction when silence was necessary. Ranger stood evenly with catlike grace, eyeing Kody cautiously.

"So ist brav." I praised Kody as he looked happily at me, having performed his canine duties perfectly and knowing it. His tail thumped proudly against a cardboard box, though his eyes watched Ranger closely.

We all stood there studying each other. He was as gorgeous as I remembered in his painted on cargos and T-shirt, his wavy hair pulled away from his face in the familiar leather thong. His prominent cheekbones flexed as his dark eyes locked onto mine. I don't know how long we stood there, but the electricity in the air was palpable.

"Where have you been?" he asked me calmly, his voice splitting the silence.

"In the wind." I answered. He didn't look pleased with that answer.

"I've worried." he told me, his jaw flexing slightly.

"I know. I'm sorry…but there are some things I had to do…on my own. I'm safe." I told him.

"I see that." he commented, eyeing Kodiak and my Sig Sauer. It was a larger gun that I'd ever had before despite being the compact model for easy concealment, but I'd learned to work with it just for its sheer stopping power when loaded with Federal .40 155 grain Hydra-Shok bullets.

The silence stretched out and I tried not to fill it out of discomfort. As always though, I wound up being the first to break it.

"Your bugs and laser trip devices are in a bag on the counter." I informed him. If he was surprised that I had swept for and found them all, he didn't show it.

"Your motorcycle is being shipped back to you in a few days." I offered, running my free hand through my short curls and resting my hand on my neck. His eyes followed my hand.

He just stood there and stared at me, as though I hadn't said anything, and I saw his muscles were still tight. He scanned me up and down, his eyes resting on my bare legs and arms that were more toned than he remembered, and were barren of the scars he expected to see. He took a step towards me and reached out his hand.

I took a deep breath and set my gun down on the table, walking toward him very gradually. I put my hand gently in his, and he grasped it tightly. I looked into his eyes and they told me all that he wanted to say. How much he had worried. How glad he was that I was back. How much he wished that none of it had happened.

"I know I never showed it, but I listened to you." I told him quietly. His brow creased in confusion, and I elaborated.

"I was. Aware of my surroundings that is. Just like you taught me." His face tightened as the realization of what I was talking about struck him.

"I thought the van was suspicious…then I saw it move and thought of what you would do, so I started back towards the lobby. But they were too fast." I said, the memory stabbing me as I spoke it out loud. His hand gripped mine tighter as his other hand reached slowly across the gap between us and rested tenderly against my shoulder.

I moved my other hand to his cheek and gazed deep into his eyes. "There was nothing else you could have done Ranger." He broke eye contact with me and I saw his adam's apple move up and down as he swallowed.

"Look at me." I begged him. His eyes darted back up and his dark brown eyes stared into mine.

"Nothing." I repeated firmly. He exhaled, his hands ever so gently pulling me closer. I let him, even though I was apprehensive as no one but Raki had been physically close to me since my rescue.

He felt my tension. "Is this okay?" he asked, pausing and looking at me with concern etched across his face.

"Yes…it's just still so hard to let a man…touch me." I whispered softly, my voice betraying me and revealing the pain that remained buried inside. The line of his mouth tightened, but he remained still and let me be in control. I took my time, in measured doses moving closer to him. Steadily I pressed my body against his and let my head melt into his chest. Ranger's arms mirrored mine as I wrapped them slowly around him, pulling against him very lightly. My heart was racing, and I was surprised to feel his thumping heavily against me as well.

I stood there in his embrace, surrounded in his warmth and allowing myself to relax into him. I felt his body relax too as he rested his cheek against my hair. We stood there for some time holding each other, and the release I felt was so powerful that my knees really did feel weak. I don't know how long we would have stood there like that if Kody hadn't nudged my leg and started whining.

"Was ist los?" I asked him as he continued to whine and nudge my leg. Ranger and I let go of each other and watched Kody, who was pacing uncomfortably. I smelled the air and listened carefully, wondering what could be making him act so strangely. Then it hit me.

"Oh no! Ranger what time is it?" I blurted out.

"Twenty till midnight…why?" he asked.

"Crap! Wait…no! Not yet! Hang on sweetie!" I yelled, running into the bedroom and shoving on my jeans and some flip flops as fast as I could.

I ran back out into the living room, almost tripping over a box. Ranger looked at me quizzically with one eyebrow cocked while I ran around the room frantically grabbing my gun and shoving it into my jeans, then snapping on Kody's leash and bolting out the door.

Kody had surely figured out where we were going by now and was running down the stairs so fast I almost fell down the last flight. When we finally got outside to a patch of grass he stood there tensely at attention, still whining and twisting around awkwardly. I could swear his eyes were watering. I gave him the verbal cue he was waiting for, and he crouched and made a pile that would make Mount Everest proud.

Ranger stood silently beside me watching the spectacle with his arms crossed, relaxed against the wall.

"Impressive." he commented.

"You ought to see him resist a porterhouse steak until I tell him he's allowed to eat it."

"You planning on training all men to obey you like this Babe?"

"If only it was that easy. Most men aren't as intelligent." I answered with a trademark eye roll.

"I'm hurt."

"I said _most_ men didn't I?"

"I missed you." he said suddenly, his hand reaching out towards my ear but then dropping suddenly. I realized he was about to instinctively brush my hair behind my ear like he always did, only now my hair was so short it was a wasted gesture. His eyes looked sad.

"I missed you too Ranger. And yeah…I miss my hair. My curly, tangled, frizzy mop of out of control hair that I always thought I hated. And there's not a single thing I can do about it except be grateful that it's growing back pretty quickly. So don't look at me like that."

"You're still beautiful." he said, his eyes taking on an all too familiar hunger as he gazed at me. "Can I look at you like that?" he asked with a feral expression that made me tingle in places I hadn't felt anything in a long time.

"Okay. Just don't touch…yet."

"Deal. One more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Whatever you do, don't disappear on me again." he said, echoing my words from this summer back to me as he laid a gentle kiss on my cheek and vanished into the night.


	38. Moving On Up

CHAPTER 38

The movers arrived early the next morning, and Mrs. Bestler was busier than ever assisting them with elevator trips. The neighbors said gracious goodbyes, and while half of them were probably happy my absence would mean less late night visits from emergency services, the other half would miss the excitement. By noon I was shocked to find myself sitting in my new apartment, with my bed already assembled, my clothes hung up, and my most essential items unpacked. How come I had never hired movers to do everything before? Oh yeah…I couldn't afford it. Mental note for next time; don't store most racy underpants in a clear plastic bin. Big burly moving men having full view of my most shocking unmentionables was a tad embarrassing.

The new apartment was on the fourth and highest floor, and because it was equipped with sprinkler systems there was no fire escape required to connect to my bedroom window. That would definitely have me breathing easier at night, though it still wouldn't stop me from stowing a quick deploy emergency ladder nearby in the unlikely event an escape proved necessary. I put some rappelling gear in a small trunk nearby for good measure.A girl could never be too careful.

I had gotten a deal on this loft as it was an odd unit sized considerably smaller than the others with only the one small bedroom window, and they had not yet outfitted it with modern stylings that would have upped the price considerably. Fine with me. I loved the rustic feeling of the exposed brick and aged wood floors, and the open floor plan helped me feel confident that no one could hide behind anything. Okay, so I was still a tad nervous about bad guys breaking into my apartment despite the high tech alarm system I had installed. Rangeman had actually installed it, but the bill was being paid by my fictional corporation so they had no idea it was actually my apartment…yet. Break-ins had occurred a few too many times for comfort in the past, and it wasn't something I could be complacent about anymore. Of course if anyone tried they would probably get their throat ripped out by Kody before I could even blink.

Another reason for the discount was an essential rough concrete support column placed awkwardly in the middle of the large room. It would have bothered the old Stephanie, but now I thought of it as great cover and concealment if I had to shoot at someone and found myself calculating what caliber of rifle it would take to penetrate it. How things change. I would have to do something about the lack of partition between the bed and everything else, so I thought about getting a Japanese screen to put around my bed and closet area to make it feel a little less open but allow shadows and light through. I plugged in my old cell phone to charge it, and started unpacking a box in the kitchen. It contained some Tupperware and drinking glasses and other assorted glassware wrapped in newspaper. But when I unwrapped the newspaper bundle at the bottom I found myself staring at my cookie jar and my breath stopped. I felt my knees go weak and I slid to the ground.

The movie reel in my head took off quickly, replaying the dreams I'd had before my kidnapping. The broken jar. Then the broken bottle. Then the look on Devon's face when the light went out of his eyes and the blood drained on the floor.

When Kody came up and licked at my cheek I realized I was crying. I took a few deep breaths and remembered to change my focus, so I petted Kody and tried to concentrate on the feeling of his stiff fur between my fingers. I repeated the phrases in my head I had used in Colorado. It wasn't my fault. I did what I had to do. I'm safe. It's in the past. I live for today.

When my heart had stopped racing and the tears dried I opened it up. My old gun was still there, and it felt cold and heavy in my hand. I only had to think about it for a second. I set the jar on top of the counter in a place of honor and put the gun back inside. I may have acquired some new skills and more advanced weaponry, but I was still Stephanie Michelle Plum. The woman who keeps a gun in the cookie jar. Maybe this time I'll just put bullets in it and keep it around as a back up weapon.

By four in the afternoon I had already unpacked half the boxes. It wasn't that big of an accomplishment because I really didn't have that much stuff. I was just about to step into my newly white tiled shower the rinse the newsprint off my arms when the cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but took a chance and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Welcome back Angel."

"Bobby!" I exclaimed.

"Missed you too darlin'. Raki called to tell me you got back in town and wanted me to check on you. How was your first day back?"

"Well I'm almost all moved in to the new place. As long as I don't think more than a few hours ahead I'm alright." I didn't even want to think about showing up to Sunday night dinner tomorrow night at my parent's house yet.

"Well how about two hours from now? Me and the guys want to meet you for dinner to welcome you back. Figure you could use a break." he asked.

"Uh…I dunno Bobby. I don't want word to get around that I'm back yet. I'm trying to keep a low profile until I contact everyone tomorrow."

"Already thought of that. Tank suggested a place on the far side of town where I guarantee you won't see anyone you know. It's not the kind of place a classy gal like yourself would frequent, but the food is great." he guaranteed me.

"Is this another one of those places where the roaches are as big as barn cats?" I grumbled.

"I hear the owner likes to kill 'em with a blow torch."

"Shit."

"So I take it that's a yes?" I could tell he was grinning on the other end.

I just sighed and he gave me directions.


	39. The Angry Dog

CHAPTER 39

After taking Kody for a walk I showered and went through my closet trying to figure out something to wear. It felt funny, like I was making some sort of debut. I had this constant feeling of being two people at once, the old me and the new me. I wanted to look like the same old Stephanie, unbroken and full of life. But I also wanted to look different, a stronger and better me.

"So Kody…what should I wear? A T-shirt and jeans?" I asked him.

He looked up at me, cocked his head, then continued chewing on his rubber dog toy.

"Should I dress in black tight leather like Joyce Barnhardt or Jeanne Ellen to look tougher?"

He growled viciously. I smiled. Snarling at the sound of Joyce's name was the first trick I taught him at handler's camp.

After running some gel through my hair and tousling it up a bit, I settled on a beige flared cotton skirt that ended above the knee and a matching top with cap sleeves. I liked the top because it was princess cut and had some wide strips of fabric draped from the bustline that overlapped slightly and fell at odd angles in that that romantic sort of style, but when you turned quickly or the wind caught them it would reveal the skin that lay just beneath. I finished it off with modest gold shoes and accessories and the gold coin hip belt I had gotten in Miami with Mary Lou. I went minimal on the makeup, and spent the rest of the time strapping my baby Glock into a thigh holster I could hide under the flare of the skirt and packing my beige purse with my taser, pepper spray, and Sig Sauer. I didn't plan on leaving the house unprepared, even if it was to hang out with the Merry Men.

I packed Kody into the back of the Tahoe, making sure he had plenty of chew toys to keep him occupied and a water supply. As I drove there I realized I was getting awfully close to the warehouse district near where my captors had imprisoned me. My destination was at the top of a hill overlooking the district, and as I pulled into the parking lot I could actually see the dilapidated rooftop of the old meat packing plant where I'd been held. I had only seen the outside in the local news stories about my rescue, but I still recognized it and a chill went down my spine nonetheless. I took a few minutes to gather myself, told Kody to wish me luck, then went inside the Angry Dog Bar & Grill.

The place was a run down looking establishment packed with heavy wooden booths and tables where people had taken the liberty to carve their names and other colorful comments into them. The place was pretty full of people and smoke, and I got the feeling it was a regular crowd. A giant red bulldog was painted on the front wall, beneath it a sign that stated the place was voted best hot dogs and hangover cure in Trenton three years running.

I spotted the guys in the usual place at a large booth in the back corner of the restaurant, where they could see everything and there was nothing behind them although Ranger was conspicuously absent. They rose to greet me and I realized how much I missed them, even though we had just started to strike up friendships before I left. There was a tie between each of us now that went far deeper that I couldn't even describe. It overpowered my trepidation, and I went up and hugged each of them without a second thought. I noticed we all hung on a little longer than we intended to.

"Classy joint you brought me to boys. So who's going to be first to buy me a beer?" I asked, plopping down next to Bobby across from Lester and Tank. I grabbed Bobby's hand and gave it a small squeeze under the table. I hadn't had my chance to thank him yet for helping connect me with Raki and keeping the entire thing a secret.

"Fuck beer. We're all taking a shot to welcome you back." Lester grinned.

"I can handle that." I smiled back.

After ordering a round of something noxious that Tank guaranteed would put hair on my chest, I insisted they catch me up on all the sports and take downs I'd missed. I hadn't watched any TV in months so I was way behind the times. There were no questions about where I'd been or what I'd been doing all this time, or even what I was going to do now that I was back. Somehow they all understood those topics were off limits, and I don't know if it was out of respect or on request of Bobby or maybe Ranger. Instead we just picked back up like nothing had happened and spent a while eating chili dogs, drinking beer, listening to loud music, and shooting the bull. Guys were cool like that. I left the belching part up to them.

"So how many women has Lester dated since I've been away? Five bucks says it more than the number of hot dogs and beer we've had tonight." I giggled.

"Hey! We haven't even gotten close!" he winked at me.

Tank just shook his head. As usual he never said much, but every now and then you could get him in a talking mood if you stuck around much and learned to ask the right questions.

"Well some things don't change." I rolled my eyes. "Speaking of which, something about you looks different Bobby. Did you lighten your hair or something?" I asked. Bobby did look slightly different, and I couldn't put my finger on it and figured maybe it was the haircut. Maybe he'd gotten colored contacts, but that didn't seem his style.

The table suddenly got quiet, and Bobby stared at the table. The mood turned, and I had no idea why. A minute passed and no one said anything.

"Ummm…guys?" I asked, but no one would make eye contact.

"So Bombshell…how about a game of pool?" Lester asked me, clearly trying to distract from the uncomfortable subject I'd stumbled upon.

I agreed, but only because I was now determined to get Lester drunk enough to tell me what the hell was going on. He agreed to a vodka shot for every one of my balls I landed in the pocket. Little did he know Mary Lou's Dad had a pool table in her basement growing up, and in less than forty-five minutes I had him stumbling around and singing like a canary. Meanwhile Tank and Bobby stayed at the table and continued talking and watching us, though it wasn't long before another pair of eyes joined them. Ranger. I could feel his presence even before I saw him.

"You're a hustler, devil woman!" Lester slurred after bouncing yet another one of his balls off of the side pocket.

"And that makes you a sucker." I cooed, landing my last ball in the corner pocket. "But I'll let you off the hook on that last vodka shot if you tell me who Bobby goes to for his highlights."

"Highlights nothin' woman!" Lester blurted out. "Shit…cowboy just got his nose broke. He'd rather be caught dead than under a hair dryer." he laughed, bracing himself on the side of the pool table as he tried to focus his eyes enough to hit his next ball. He failed miserably.

"I suppose you broke his nose because he kicked your ass one too many times in pool. You suck at this." I chided.

"Let's see you shoot straight after six shots Bombshell. Hell, Ranger may have lost his temper but he was stone cold sober…" he trailed off, mumbling to himself.

"Ranger?" I exclaimed. Lester stood up straight and instantly realized he'd said too much.

"Shit." he muttered, rubbing his hands on his temples.

"Spill it Lester." I commanded, marching up to him and pointing the pool cue at his chin.

"Fuck. If you were trained in interrogation you would be seriously dangerous Steph." he shook his head.

"Who says I haven't been?" I answered back, staring him down. "You might as well tell me because I will find out, and I really don't want to see what Tank's like when he's drunk."

"When he's drunk you can't shut him up." he snickered.

"Like I said…I'd rather not. So spill it." I ordered him, leaning down to go for the eight ball in the side pocket.

"Ranger broke Bobby's nose when he wouldn't tell him where you went." Lester said quietly. I hit the ball so hard it bounced off the table and went rolling across the floor of the bar.


	40. Just Watch Me

CHAPTER 40

"Ranger broke Bobby's nose?" I exclaimed angrily. Lester responded by opening and closing his mouth frantically like a fish out of water, then shutting it entirely and stumbling to the bar for what looked like a cup of coffee.

I stood there pondering why the man of consummate control that I knew could ever lose his temper like that and turn against a friend? Especially a friend respecting my wishes and privacy? It went what I thought I knew about him.

"So…anyone want to play the winner?" I addressed Bobby and Tank when I returned to the table, not even looking at Ranger. My poker face was never going to be that great, and I was not ready to let him see how royally pissed I was at him right now.

"I'll pass …I'd rather not get annihilated by a chick in front of everyone." Tank said, taking a swig of his beer.

"Excuuuuse me? A chick? So a man can kick your ass at any sport and that's okay, but a woman demands a little respect in the game and all the sudden it's humiliating? Why is that exactly?" I questioned, my hand on my hip and my foot tapping madly. Tank ate a pretzel and bought himself some time.

"So a woman is not supposed to be as talented, athletic, or strong as a man is? Real nice attitude there Tank." I lectured. Tank did the fish impression again. Okay…so maybe I was misdirecting a little of my irritation with Ranger.

"I think someone's just a little afraid of some competition Angel." Bobby smirked. Tank glared. I smiled.

I plopped down in the empty seat next to Tank and put my arm around him. "See Tank…you need me around here to keep you humble. And give you morality lectures on the rights of women. And for distraction jobs." I said with an eye roll.

"Speaking of distraction jobs, you've got to be happy I'm back. How did you ever manage without me? I can't see any of you looking good in a leather miniskirt." I joked, looking around the table and finally making eye contact with Ranger.

The look on his face stopped me cold. It was the same look everyone else had, including Lester who had just walked up and heard my last comment. I could feel their tension, and no one made a sound. I knew. I just knew. There would be no more distraction jobs. They had already decided it together, without even considering whether or not I should be allowed the choice. A tiny voice in my head wondered if Ranger would cut me out of any more jobs with them at all.

The longer I sat there watching Ranger study me while the rest of them did what could only be described as fidget, the more the fury built up inside of me. What the fuck? So from now on I get treated like fine china? They were assuming I couldn't handle men at all anymore. Or that maybe I'm too delicate now to make good decisions for myself. Or the idea of me dressing up slutty and picking up a guy in a bar makes them uncomfortable since they knew what had been done to me. Now that I thought about it, I realized that the usual flirting Lester and Bobby usually did with me was completely absent tonight.

I was so enraged I didn't even trust myself to speak. Instead I shot out of my seat and went to the jukebox, pretending to study the songs and taking deep breaths to get myself under control. So Stephanie gets raped and so now she can't deal with men or even be sexual in any way? What am I? Damaged goods now! Who the hell did they think they were? All the work and training I had done to become stronger and face my fears, then the men in my life had decided without my consent to treat me like I was weak and broken. So they think I can't handle men or distraction anymore huh? Watch this boys…

I put a quarter in the machine and selected the new Pussycat Dolls song that reminded me of the Indian music Raki played, and when I snapped my head over to the guys with a fire in my eyes they all visibly sat up straighter. I was sure to strut seductively as I walked over to the table, then looked Bobby right in the eye and curled my finger at him with a wink and a smile. He dutifully rose with a curious grin, and I grabbed his hand and dragged him over to the dance floor with the rest of their eyes following every sway of my hips.

Bobby didn't even know what hit him. We weren't the only ones on the dance floor, but after about thirty seconds everyone in the place had stopped to watch. Bobby didn't so much dance with me as just stand there stunned while I danced for him. I occasionally rested my hands on his shoulders, touched his waist, and traced my fingertips across his broad chest teasingly. What none of them knew was that I had finally found a form of exercise I liked…dancing. Belly dancing in particular. The gold coin belt jingled and popped as I moved, adding to the drama as I performed the ancient Persian dance of seduction in time to the music and drew my impromptu audience in.

I'd had private lessons for four months with an instructor who combined some more modern music and moves with the sexy shaking and swaying of traditional belly dancing. It was one hell of a workout that tested all the muscle groups and demanded exceptional flexibility and balance. It had been what helped me get comfortable in my own skin again, and even helped me develop the beginnings of my very own six pack. I was more than happy to show it off by using my hands to lift the hanging fabric of my blouse up, displaying the bare skin beneath it as I rolled my stomach in wavelike motions over and over again.

When I leaned back against Bobby's hard torso and did figure eights with my hips I heard him groan and mutter under his breath "Woman….are you trying to kill me?"

I heard some cat calls and blew a kiss to the men at the bar who were all but drooling at my performance, although the women nearby looked less than pleased at being upstaged. I could feel Ranger looking on with dangerous eyes, but I ignored him and instead focused on keeping in time with the music and moving my body in ways that had Bobby slack jawed and practically panting. When the music finally ended there was actually a steady applause, along with a few wolf whistles.

Without waiting for Bobby to pick his jaw up off the floor, I marched over to the table and leaned down right in front of Ranger. Inches from his face, I locked eyes with him in a challenge I'm sure few people have ever dared.

"It's been fun boys, but I've got things to do before I go back to work Monday. If anyone has a problem with that…I don't give a shit."

I grabbed my purse and walked away, determined not to let their lack of faith in me affect my newfound confidence. Before I could make it to the door I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. I whipped around, ready to give Ranger a piece of my mind, but instead I stood face to face with Tank.

"Bombshell wait…" he started. I stopped and stared at him, my anger dissipating at the contrite look on his face.

"Don't leave like that. I…I wanted to give you something before you go." he stated, looking intently at me.

"You got me a welcome back present?" I asked, shocked.

"Yeah…figured you might need something to help you make a new start." He explained, gently urging me towards the picture window at the entrance to the bar. I followed him somewhat reluctantly. I stood in front of the window and he pointed outside. I stood next to him, both of us gazing out at the dilapidated buildings nearby under the night sky. I glanced at him, confused. There was nothing to see outside, and he wasn't holding anything.

"Ummm…thank you and all, but I don't get it." I questioned.

"Bombshell, I want you to keep looking out the window. I'm going to stand right next to you. Reach your hand in my pocket." Tank said calmly.

"Ohhhhhh no big guy! The boys tried that line on me in high school and it didn't work then either. This is supposed to be a present for me, not you!" I exclaimed.

"Bombshell, do you trust me?" he asked, with a look so sincere I couldn't say no. I slowly reached my hand into the pocket of his pants, and he turned subtly so that it was obscured from view by anyone behind us. My hand touched what felt like a cold metal rectangle with a wire poking out.

"Steph…" he whispered, "don't take your hand out. There is a small button on the top side. Keep staring out the window, then when you are ready press down really hard two times on the button."

I looked at him again, puzzled but curious. I took a deep breath, looked out the window, then pressed down twice. A building less than a mile away suddenly lit up in a ball of flame with an incredibly loud boom, and the shockwave rattled the window so hard it almost broke. I must have jumped a three feet off the ground. A plume of fire rose up into the night, with the bright flash filling the room in an orange blaze. Everyone shielded their eyes and I heard shrieks as people ducked down and tried to figure out what had just happened. When I looked over at Tank smiling at me, I realized what he had used his demolition skills to blow up.

"That abandoned building was just a den for the addicts and thugs in the neighborhood anyway, so I figure it is also doing a public service." he grinned widely. "And I can guarantee the job is untraceable, and after your little performance tonight we have enough witnesses to guarantee our alibis are extra tight."

"Oh Tank…I don't know what to say. It's the nicest thing anyone has ever given me." I could feel the tears welling up. I watched the chamber of my nightmares turn to ash, mesmerized. And as the smoke rose into the sky, it was like a piece of the pain escaping. I slept better that night than I had in a long, long time.


	41. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

CHAPTER 41

I woke up to my new alarm clock…Kody licking my face. After feeding him I put on some sweats and faced one of the unfortunate realities of my new existence…jogging. As my feet pounded the pavement to the beat of the music I had playing on my new Mp3 player that made the morning ritual tolerable, I still kept keen eye on my surroundings. I could jog without getting out of breath now, but no matter how fast or long I could run I had the distinct feeling that Kody was politely holding back so that I wouldn't feel bad. Every now and then he would ease up and look back like he felt sorry for me.

The streets were pretty quiet except a few people getting an early start to work, and the morning was cool as the dawn broke over the city. I noted all the restaurants and shops nearby to familiarize myself with my new neighborhood, which was definitely not like anything in the Burg. But then again, not many places are.

Before long I found myself coming up alongside the Rangeman building, and it was nice to see at least something familiar in my new environment. I'd like to say that it was pure coincidence that my new loft was nearby, but the stone fortress was the one place that still felt safe to me. Knowing it would be nearby comforted me. When I passed the last corner of the building on my way home I sensed a presence come up behind me and heard the heavy padding of feet in tandem with mine. Perhaps the old Stephanie would have slowed down and tentatively glanced behind. But after months of practicing the same defense moves over and over again I reacted without even a second thought, surprising myself with the speed and instinct of my reaction.

Not knowing whether the person behind me was an innocent jogger or possible aggressor I had moved quickly to the side and was crouched down in a position that made it easy for me to attack if needed. To the untrained eye it looked like I could be tying my shoe, but since the person behind me turned out to be Ranger, he could clearly see that I was actually reaching near my ankle holster.

"Is pulling a gun your new way of saying hello?" he asked with one eyebrow raised. Ranger stood a few feet away on the sidewalk, dressed in a black painted on sleeveless T-shirt and black cotton workout pants that draped over his muscled thighs quite nicely. His thick wavy hair was slung back in a ponytail, and he eyed me with a look of calm curiosity.

"I guess you could say that vigilance is the price of my liberty" I responded coolly. It irritated me that he even questioned my caution.

"You quote Thomas Jefferson now?" he posed, leaning casually against the wall. That was the one thing I remembered from history class in grade school, and go figure that Ranger remembered it too. Sometimes he gave me the feeling that there was nothing I knew that he didn't already know…and know better. It was damn annoying.

"I do a lot of things I didn't do before." I answered back, standing up and crossing my arms.

"So I hear. When security called and told me you were jogging I had to come see it for myself."

"I jog now. I carry a gun. A loaded one this time. And I sleep with a two hundred pound dog that would kill you at the snap of my fingers. I even bellydance. But I will also be doing the same things I did before." I spat back, my voice rising in pitch. The anger from last night had only grown and was threatening to boil over.

Ranger quickly sprung from the wall and moved in close until his face was inches from mine. His expression was serious, and his eyes dark as they stared into mine. He took both of my hands in his before I could protest.

"There is nothing to prove to anyone about how strong you are. Certainly not to me." Ranger declared, his voice thick with intensity. His eyes were black pools that spoke of dark memories we both shared.

"I know Ranger. That's not…" I let my hands drop and shook my head, words failing to explain to him what I'd naively hoped he would already understand. I turned to leave, not caring if I was the first to walk away from a conversation for once. As I walked home I could hear him behind me every step of the way. I let him follow. I let him see where I lived. I even let him walk me to the door.

I leaned against my door and turned to face him, and he searched my eyes looking for something he could identify. Neither of us said a word while Kody sighed audibly and lay down in the carpeted hallway, figuring this was probably going to take a while. Ranger leaned in closer, bracing himself with one muscled arm against the doorway.

"I need you." he uttered in a voice so low it was almost a whisper. My heart dropped into my stomach at his words, and I choked back the emotion in my throat. I remembered the look on his face when I briefly came to as he picked me up to carry me to the ambulance.

"I'm still here. I plan on keeping it that way." I pledged, placing my palm gently on his chest above his steadily beating heart. "But I'll never be the same. You know better than that." I told him, my eyes meeting his.

He nodded, his jaw tight.

"I know more than ever what risks I'm taking. Don't cut me out. If I quit now, I might as well have died in that room." I pleaded.

A momentary flash of pain flickered across his face like a fleeting shadow.

"Please Ranger…. I may be different, but I just can't take it if people treat me differently. Especially you."

"So you want me to treat you the same, even though you're different." he questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Umm…yeah. Something like that."

"In that case…" I heard him utter in a low voice. His lips met mine so quickly I didn't see it coming. His hands moved to either side of my face as he kissed me fiercely, pressing himself against me. My body froze, filled with heat and confusion. I could feel the dampness spread instantly between my legs, yet I felt a familiar fear rising up in my chest. My hands grasped his shoulders tightly when his tongue gently tried to pry its way into my mouth as he stroked my neck with his fingertips. I let him kiss me and I even kissed back, but when I felt his hand graze the side of my breast I panicked. My fingers dug into his shoulders and a sob broke free in my chest. I closed my eyes and shook my head, hoping in vain to shake the memories of strange hands upon me.

When I finally opened my eyes he was still there, his face full of concern. I was breathing so hard I was almost gasping for air. I laid my head against his chest, trying to gather myself. His hand rested gently on the side of my head, his thumb making soothing circles almost like he was trying to wipe the memories away with his caress.

"Sorry Babe. You dancing with Bobby last night..." he started.

I grinned in spite of myself. "You have nothing to apologize for…except maybe Bobby's nose." What the hell. I might as well go for it while he was in an apologetic mood.

"Lester's always was a cheap drunk." he shook his head.

"Apparently he's not the only one who has trouble controlling himself." I answered back.

"Only when I'm around you Babe. Or when I can't be." he offered, resting his face in my hair and wrapping his arms around me gently.

Well it wasn't an apology but I was guessing Bobby had already gotten one, and as I felt his hard muscles warm against me and the heat started to spread again through my body I couldn't quite remember why that was important a minute ago. I felt the same combination of molten lust and icy cold fear course through me at his every touch. How could I feel so safe and comforted yet so scared all at the same time?

"Okay." he answered, kissing me gently on the forehead and stepping back. "I'll call you if something comes up. I'll even let you bring the mutt."

"This _mutt_ costs more than my last car for your information!" I barked at him.

"Let's hope he has a better track record." Ranger answered back as he disappeared down the hallway.

I sat in the Chevy parked two houses down from my parent's house. Dinner was at 6:00 sharp. It was 6:05. I'd opened and shut car door three times, and Kody was looking at me confused. I'd spent the better part of the last few weeks thinking of how I would handle this, and as usual thinking things through wasn't my strong suit because I wasn't any closer to figuring it out. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples, trying to at least think of what to say when Mom opened the door and saw me standing on her front porch.

When someone rapped on my car window I jumped so high my head almost hit the roof of the cab. Just as I was chastising myself for letting my guard down, I turned to see none other than Joe Morelli looking as luscious as ever in faded blue jeans and a worn concert T-shirt standing next to my SUV. I rolled down the window.

"Joe! How did you…" I started.

"Ranger isn't the only one who has ways of finding people." he interrupted, leaning casually against my door.

I glared at him with my arms crossed, disbelieving.

"Okay…so I got lucky. The bartender at the Angry Dog is an informant of mine." he offered with his charming Italian smile that used to melt my underpants.

"That's more like it. I was trying pretty hard to keep a low profile until tonight." I sighed in relief.

"You should know better Cupcake. As soon as something exploded everybody in town had to know you were back." he said. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?" he questioned, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Not a clue." I answered back with angelic sincerity.

"Of course you don't." he sighed, shaking his head.

Neither of us said anything for a minute. My attempts at masking my nervousness failed miserably when I accidentally turned on the windshield wipers when I was reaching to take the key out of the ignition.

"Eddie saw your mother buying a pot roast at Giovichinni's yesterday. I can smell it from here. Boy I do love pot roast." he said.

"You've got to be kidding. No way in hell." I exclaimed. He opened the car door and motioned for me to join him on the sidewalk.

"You up and leave for almost four months without an explanation, your parents file a missing persons report with me, and your mother has been seen ironing socks ever since then. Yes… you heard me. Socks. No way I'm missing this." he winked. I knew as well as he did that he was there for moral support, but I'd be damned if I'd let him know how grateful I was.

"Fine Joe! But you so much as say a word and I tell my dog to eat everything on your dinner plate." I grumbled at him.

"You remember I live with Bob right?" he asked with his eyebrow cocked.

"Oh yeah." With Bob this was a daily occurrence unless you were mighty fast with a fork and kept your eyes on your food until you were good and done.

The three of us reached the front door at 6:10, and I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. It opened almost instantly, and there stood my mother in a blue housedress, her mouth agape. I cleared my throat, bit my lip, and fought back the urge to dive into the bushes and hope she hadn't seen me.

"Well it's about time. The pot roast is probably burned." she said, her voice wavering almost imperceptibly at the end. She swung the screen door open, signaling us to follow as she proceeded towards the kitchen. I heaved a sigh and followed with Kody padding behind me and Joe chuckling softly while taking up the rear.

When we came within sight of the dinner table everyone froze for a second. My father nodded and went back to studying his dinner plate, but not before I saw him wipe the crack of a smile off of his face. Grandma Mazur jumped out of her chair and came over to give me a hug.

"Hot dog! Bout time you got back. Things have been downright boring around here without you. Well except for Mabel's daughter getting that botched butt-lift. She showed up at the salon yesterday and Stella had to stand on step ladder just to cut her hair, seeing as she couldn't sit down with the oozing and all…"

"Mother!" my Mom yelled from the kitchen, cutting her off.

"I'll set an extra plate for you Joe," Mom shouted over the bustle in the kitchen. I saw that they already had an empty plate sitting at the table, and I realized that there must have been one there every Sunday since I left. I swallowed hard as I sat down, blinking back the tears. The Plum family doesn't do emotion. Especially at the dinner table.

Joe sat down beside me and Kody curled up at my feet, and thankfully no one questioned their presence. Mom laid out a plate for Joe and plunked down the pot roast in front of my father, who wasted no time in spearing himself a big hunk and inhaling it. We all went about the business of eating and staring at our plates, and I was grateful no one tried to make polite conversation. My grandmother started talking of course, but polite conversation was never her specialty.

"Well it's a good thing you got back when you did Stephanie. Your cover story wasn't going to last much longer." Grandma Mazur said cheerily, scooping a pile of mashed potatoes onto her plate.

"Cover story?" I questioned, with a mouth full of potatoes.

"Of course! I had to come up with some explanation for everyone. Otherwise there would be no telling what rumors would start to flying. You know how people in this town like to flap their gums. Bunch of gossip mongers! Downright shameful." she clucked.

Joe looked at me with his eyebrow raised and I started shoveling mashed potatoes faster.

"Well first Margie Wright told me that she'd heard from Ruby Stout that the whole kidnapping fiasco had put the fear of God into you, so you were gonna repent of all your wild ways living in sin with men and had gone off to become a nun. Well of course I told her that my granddaughter would do no such thing!"

"Ummm…thanks. I think." I responded.

"Betsey Swindler's daughter said she'd heard you'd become a lesbian, shaved your head, and drove some guy's motorcycle to San Francisco and weren't never coming back. I told her to stuff it, that you weren't in San Fran-freak-show at all. I told her my granddaughter wasn't giving up on men till you've boinked every stud in Trenton!"

"Oh dear…" my mother said, making the sign of of the cross. I poured more gravy on my plate. If there had been a straw within reach I would have stuck it straight into the gravy boat and dispensed with the formalities.

"I'd finally had enough when I overheard Naomi Parsons in Giovichinni's saying that you went bonkers and were in a mental ward somewhere near Cleveland. I walloped her one with a hot sausage I grabbed right there off of the display. It knocked her dentures out and they shot clean across the room!" she described proudly.

"I got Naomi to agree not to press charges, and they made her pay for the sausage." Joe whispered into my ear.

"What's for dessert?" I asked.

"Well that might not be such a good idea seeing as you'd blow your cover and all. And you might want to take it easy on that there gravy." Grandma Mazur cautioned.

"And why pray tell is that?" I asked, stopping mid forkful.

"Well I told everyone you went off to a summer fat camp."

"YOU WHAT?"

"They have them for adults too you know. Fresh air, lots of exercise, and they teach you healthy cooking and clean living. You look a little trimmer, so just suck it in and wear your clothes loose and no one will be the wiser. Though you might want to lay off on those potatoes too." She warned.

"Grandma! I can't believe you told people I was at fat camp!" I blurted out.

"Well what exactly were any of us supposed to say!" my mother finally joined in. "Everyone was asking, but we're your family and we didn't even know!" she protested.

"Here's a novel idea…tell them it's none of their damn business!" I blurted out angrily.

My Mom's jaw dropped in shock and everyone stopped mid forkful, even Joe. Holy crap….I just yelled at my Mom.

"I'm sorry Mom. I just mean to say that I needed some time to myself after everything. With a little privacy for once. I appreciate that people care about me and worry. You can tell them that I'm fine, but I won't be making explanations." That wasn't so hard. Geez…why couldn't I have said it that way the first time? Nobody said anything for a minute, then my Mom excused herself to go get the pie.

"That's a big dog you got there….does he do any tricks? I bet you're planning on breeding him, seeing that he's still got that huge package intact." Grandma commented.

I sighed and fed Kody a piece of pot roast under the table. Dessert passed without too much conversation, but the tension seemed to dissipate. After dinner I excused myself, giving everyone a hug and promising to be there next Sunday. By the way my Mom's face relaxed I could tell that was what really mattered to her. To everyone.

"Well I think that went well." Joe said as he escorted me back to my car, each of us carrying a brown bag full of leftovers.

"What dinner were you at?" I asked, incredulous. "The entire population of Trenton thinks I've been to a fat farm, and I actually yelled at my mother."

"Well you do look better." he commented, and somehow I just knew without looking behind me that he was eyeing my ass.

"So you're saying I looked fat before..?" I goaded him, unlocking the car door. I felt his hand on my arm, and instantly got goose bumps. He turned me around to face him.

"You look better Steph." I could see in his eyes just how much he had worried while I was gone. Wondered how I would be when I came back…if I came back.

"I am better." I answered back, almost a whisper.

"They missed you Cupcake. Everyone did. Bob misses you." He said, his voice deepening at the end.

"Really. I see."

"And Rex." he grinned.

"Oh yeah! I need to go to Mary Lou's to pick him up." I exclaimed.

"Actually, she called in reinforcements. He's at my house. Apparently her kids tried to see if he would fit in a remote controlled airplane cockpit and…"

"Stop! Don't tell me anymore. I'll follow you home." Poor Rex!

He gave me a sexy smile. "Bob will be happy to see you."

I started the car up and hoped that Bob would keep his paws to himself.


	42. Sexual Healing

CHAPTER 42

_**SMUT Warning**_

As soon as the door opened Bob started to run towards me in one of his knock down greetings, but practically stopped mid-air when he saw Kody. He flattened out on the ground and rolled over belly up in instant surrender, whining pitifully. I laughed and rubbed his belly.

"I didn't forget about you sweetie. You are definitely one of a kind." I chuckled. His tongue lolled out in happiness, though he darted plenty of fearful glances Kody's direction. Kody just sat there looking at the orange blob of quivering fur before him, occasionally glancing at me in confusion. I'm pretty sure Kody didn't think that the animal in front of him was actually another dog.

"Ya'll two play nice now. Let him win Kody." I laughed, unclipping Kody's leash and letting him loose.

"Way to stand up for yourself there Bob." Joe shook his head. I cued Kody with a hand sign, and he began exploring the house like he owned the place as Bob bounded behind him eagerly, although keeping a careful distance.

Joe led me to the kitchen, where I walked up to Rex's cage sitting on the counter and tapped on the glass. Rex stuck his nose out of his soup can and wiggled it. He twitched his whiskers, a sign of recognition that his Mommy was back I'm sure. Wordlessly I felt Joe open the palm of my hand and place a few grapes in it. I glanced at him appreciatively, dropping the grapes in Rex's cage and watching him racing back and forth stashing them in his soup can. I sighed and walked over to Joe's couch, plopping down on one side in exhaustion.

"Had enough reunions for one weekend already?" Joe smiled at me in understanding.

"You have no idea." I answered. He sat down across from me.

We both stared at each other from each end of the couch, feeling the tension thicken in the air. Sure, he'd acted like nothing had changed and no time had passed at my parent's house…but we both knew better. Even so, I was beyond grateful that he'd helped get me through a very tough dinner.

Something told me that we were about to have the conversation he'd alluded to at Pino's the first time I saw him after we broke up. The day he told me about Sally being missing. It seemed so long ago.

I hardly knew what to say, and was infinitely relieved when he started first.

"I won't ask you. Where you were. What you did the entire time. How the hell you can afford what appears to be a full fledged police dog and a really nice car. I want to…but I won't." he offered.

"Thank you." I responded sincerely. Not getting answers was hardly his style, so I could appreciate his restraint.

"You did what you needed to do. You're back, and I can sleep now knowing that it looks like you are going to be okay." he declared plainly, his broad chest relaxing as he let out the deep breath he was holding. The worry lines on his handsome face looked deeper than I had last remembered.

"I'm sorry…." I began. "I know how much you worried about me."

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault. Besides, you were right…what you said at the funeral. I wanted to keep you safe, but that only left you helpless when I wasn't around." he said bluntly. I tried to hide my shock at his admission.

He continued. "I didn't want to be like everyone else fencing you in, but I still found myself discouraging you all the time because I was afraid of what could happen. And then it did. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. If I had encouraged you and worked with you instead of against you, maybe shown you some things, I wonder if…" he trailed off, running his hand through his jet black hair with frustration.

"Don't you dare blame yourself! It happened, and it isn't either of our faults. You only did those things because you loved me." I declared sharply. "And I let it happen too you know. I just sat back and tried to be what everyone wanted, and never took the consequences seriously until it was too late. I let you be responsible a lot of the time. And I was never your responsibility." He stared at me, the raw emotion showing on his chiseled features.

"And…" I paused, gathering my courage. "I wanted us to be right for each other just as much as you did. You'll never know how badly I wanted to say yes." I said softly, feeling a few tears escape down my cheek.

"Jesus Stephanie…I'm so sorry about what happened at the station that night. I can't believe I did that to you. For a minute there I was just like him and I hate myself for it." he said, staring at the floor and clenching his fists.

"No Joe! Don't ever say that. You are ten times the man your father or any Morelli ever was. Nobody ever expected you to be anything but a woman beating drunk…and look at you. You the kind of man every girl grows up dreaming about, and you spend every waking moment trying to protect the people that can't protect themselves. You're amazing. I've loved you all my life Joe." I said it out loud for the first time. He reached his hand over and gently wiped my tears away. He swallowed hard as he looked into my eyes, finally hearing what he had waited years for me to say.

I watched his hand as he pulled it away and let it come to rest on the couch cushion between us. Suddenly I noticed that it was covered with angry red scars, as though it had been through a deli slicer.

"Oh my God! Joe…what happened to your hand?" I exclaimed, reaching out to enclose it with my own.

He didn't answer me for a minute, his expression turning dark. "Joe…tell me." I pleaded. The scars looked a few months old, and I was surprised he still had use of his hand from how bad it appeared.

"It was from the squad car that night…" he started, unable to finish.

"How?" I begged him.

He spoke slowly, not meeting my eyes. "I umm…I lost it. After I saw what they did to you. I broke the window…and other things. I thought you were dead."

"Oh Joe…"

He kept going, his voice low as he tried to hide the pain. "I don't remember much. They had to hold me down… because I kept trying to go in there. I kept saying I was going to kill them, even though Ranger told me you already had." I closed my hand over his tightly, my tears streaming relentlessly. He looked up and his eyes met mine.

"I really would have. I didn't care about anything anymore." he swore thickly. I believed him.

I looked down at the hand that he would have used to kill, and I was eerily grateful that I hadn't given him the chance to cross over that line that I already knew there was no coming back from. I ran my fingertips gently across the ragged scars stretching across it, and he let me, watching with interest.

His hands had fought before, but never killed. I hadn't actually seen him do anything wrong with them, and could only remembered his hands as warm and comforting. They could be so gentle. I lifted his hand up, trancelike as I caressed it with mine. Despite the ragged angry scars and time we had spent apart, they still felt familiar to me. I brought his hand gently to my lips and kissed it, wishing his wounds away.

Our fingers accidentally intertwined, and in that moment I remembered how good his hands had once made me feel. The way he used to touch me…it was like magic. I wanted so badly to feel that way again. I wanted a man to touch me without being haunted by terrifying memories another man taking me against my will. I wanted my body to feel like my own again. Feel the dizzying release as we went over the edge together.

It wasn't scary when Joe touched me. There wasn't the same confusion and complications that I had with Ranger. Joe and I had grown up together, and he had been the first man to ever put his hands on me that unforgettable night at the bakery. He had been my lover more so than any man ever had, and I could easily remember the feeling of being in his arms and his body melding with mine. It was a good memory. A safe one.

Before I knew it I traced his hand down along my neck and let his palm come to rest on my breast. His body jerked slightly in surprise, his eyes confused. I looked back at him with longing, the fear that had plagued me reading across my face.

In an instant he seemed to understand what I needed, and his eyes turned dark. Yet I wasn't afraid to see the lust ignite in them. I knew Joe would never hurt me.

He palmed my breast, squeezing gently. My fingers rested against his wrist as he drew soft circles around my nipple with his thumb, sliding smoothly across the cotton of my t-shirt. He slid closer, reaching his other hand across the small span between us and taking the globe of the other breast in his remaining palm. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, taking a ragged breath as my nipples began to harden at his gentle exploration.

Joe leaned in, still kneading my breasts, and I could feel his breath warm against my cheek. "Anything you need baby…I can make you feel good again. I'll take it all away." he soothed, whispering into my ear. I could taste salty tears as they slid across my lips when he began to kiss me softly.

His lips brushed lightly across mine, and I inhaled the familiar scent of pure Italian male. He smelled slightly of aftershave and something that was uniquely his, as well as the sweat starting to bead on his brow from restraint.

He kissed me passionately, his hand holding my jaw as I placed my trembling hands on his shoulders. He opened his mouth slightly and ran his tongue across my lips, probing gently. I opened my lips and let him in. His tongue found its way into my mouth, and his kisses became more insistent. I felt a twinge low in my stomach, and let out a soft moan as our tongues tangled together.

His free hand reached lower, lifting up the edge of my t-shirt and palming my stomach. The hand rose higher, pushing my bra aside and capturing the exposed skin of one breast, kneading more forcefully than before. His other hand took mine and guided it to my shirt hem, and together we lifted it off and let the shirt drop to the floor. He undid the clasp of my bra, and slid it slowly off of my shoulders until I was fully exposed. As he leaned back and eyed my pale skin for the first time he sucked his breath in with awe.

"Oh God Steph….it's beautiful. You're beautiful." he exclaimed. Not only did he not see the scars and ugly black lettering he expected would be etched across my chest, but he saw something else entirely. The only trace left of their black ink upon me now served as the ashes from which a luminous phoenix radiating every color of the rainbow rose, surrounded by brilliant flame. It was absolutely breathtaking in its detail, and its beauty still took me aback every time I looked at it. The bright bird was so superbly drawn and inked that it looked as though it was rising off of my skin and into the air. Joe traced along it with his fingers, ending where the tail feathers curled gracefully around the edge of my nipple.

He couldn't hold himself back any longer, and took the nipple in his mouth, nibbling at it while he groaned low in his throat. I felt myself grow moist between my legs as he licked and tugged, alternating between breasts like a starving animal. I roughly ran my hands through his hair and pulled him closer, arching into his hot tongue as he caressed the sides of my breasts and sucked at them greedily.

We were both suddenly distracted by movement near the couch, which turned out to be Bob and Kody side by side looking at us with their heads cocked in curiosity.

"I think we could do without the audience Cupcake." he said, rising suddenly off of the couch. In one swift move he pulled off his white T-shirt and threw it to the ground, then picked me up into his arms. I curled into his naked chest as he carried me up the stairs, running my fingers through the diamond thatch of dark hair that grew between the hard muscles.

As we reached the bedroom, he slammed the door shut with his foot and let me slide slowly down his body until my feet touched the floor. I kissed him. Over and over again until something deep inside me was turned loose. I pressed him up against the door, my bare breasts raking against the flesh of his chest while my hands stroked against his olive skin. I felt along his biceps that were tense as his hands gripped my waist, and suddenly felt him hard as a rock beneath his jeans, pressing into my stomach. He sucked in air, then wrapped his arms around me and swung us both around until my back was to the door and his body pressed up against mine.

His kisses became more adamant, his tongue invading my mouth. His hands sank lower, cupping my ass and pulling me to him. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he pulled me up until I no longer touched the ground. I could feel his stiff organ hot against me, and he began to grind himself up against my sex until I was gasping and whispering his name between breaths.

He carried me over to the bed and we both fell down into the unmade knot of sheets, still entwined and breathless. Joe deftly slid his hands down and undid my jeans, then moved to work them off until I was clad in nothing but white lace panties. He took a deep breath as he lay down alongside me again, pulling me to him as he struggled for control.

Joe looked deep into my eyes, silently asking for my permission. I nodded, taking his hand and placing it against the lace of my panties that were already damp with need. He leaned in, kissing me softly as he slid his hand inside until it touched my wet folds. The contact sent a jolt straight through me that caused me to arch off the bed. He pulled back until I relaxed, and then ever so slowly continued his gentle exploration. Pulling my leg up until it rested on his hip, he used the newly gained access to trace his skillful fingers along the juncture of my thigh while pressing his palm firmly against my clit. I closed my eyes and my breath came in rapid pants, with my hips rocking involuntarily towards him. He took the cue and slid his fingers into me. The sudden sensation overwhelmed me, and my mind started to race back to dark memories…a tunnel that caused every muscle in my body to tighten. I shook my head as though to shake them loose. Joe stopped, calling out to me.

"Stay with me Steph…stay with me." he soothed, his free hand pulling me closer and waiting until my eyes met his. He kept his gaze securely upon me as he started to move his fingers inside me, watching my every reaction. I placed my hand on his jaw, the stubble scraping gently as I caressed his cheek. He worked inside me for what felt like forever until my breaths came faster and faster, but despite his talented touch I couldn't build up to the point of release. I grasped at the sheets, tugging at them in frustration.

"Relax baby…let it come." he said softly into my ear.

"I can't...God Joe…I just want…I need…I don't know, I…" the words tumbled out as tears began to slide across my cheeks again.

"It's okay. Shhhh…" he calmed, pulling out so that he could wrap both arms around me.

"Please…" I begged, my voice cracking with emotion. "I want to feel good again. I don't want to remember. He…he…I couldn't stop him Joe…oh God…." I pleaded, now crying openly. The flashes continued to come to me, though I desperately tried to push them away.

"Stephanie…I love you." Joe declared in a fierce whisper, holding me strongly against him as I sobbed. He undid his jeans, shoving down just enough so that his full length could escape its tight confines. Gently he pulled off my panties as I clung to him tightly.

Slowly he moved us until I was underneath him, planting soft kisses across my tear stained cheeks as he coaxed my legs open and wrapped them around his waist. He whispered to me that it would be okay, over and over again until the tears stopped. When I opened my eyes and met his intense gaze, he lowered his body until his throbbing groin rested against me. Our eyes stayed locked.

"Please Joe…"

"Stephanie…" he groaned, his need as evident against me as the promise in his voice to take my hurt away. He began to push himself inside me ever so slowly. Inch by inch he filled me, until our bodies were almost completely joined. His chest heaved, every ounce of his control reigned in as he held completely still. I tried to clear my mind and just breathe, letting myself think about nothing other than how he was making my body feel.

He watched me, waiting. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and silently mouthed that it was okay. He suddenly pushed all the way into me, and I gasped as the sensation shot through me. It was such a sudden shock how good it felt, and my mind finally let itself remember how it could be. I had been so afraid I could never have a moment where I felt this good again. The tension spilled out. Relief washed over me like a warm breeze, and I felt free again.

Joe stilled until I opened my eyes, then he quickly pulled out and shoved back into me until I cried out his name. Again and again he thrust in, ripping noises of pleasure out of me.

I reached up and pulled him down against me until his weight rested fully on top of me, and slid my fingertips across the taut muscles of his back. I felt him relax just a little, so I rocked my hips against him, causing him to gasp.

"Steph…Jesus you feel so good."

Joe began to move at a slow steady pace, making me moan as I took him deep inside. I arched into him, clinging tightly. When he felt me push harder against him he quickened his pace and drove even deeper. The waves of pleasure rolled through me, and finally there was nothing else but him and me. He filled me again and again, and the pain I'd been holding inside seemed to dissipate with my every moan.

Suddenly, the sensation reached its peak, and every muscle in my body grew tense. Joe felt it, and pounded into me until my nails dug into his back and I was crying out. I came down almost as quickly, trying to catch my breath.

But Joe kept moving, slowly at first. Then he started to move his hips in short, teasing motions until he noticed my torso start to tense again. Without warning, he thrust in fully and it felt so good that I heard myself begging him for more. He obliged, teasing and plunging in until my threshold was almost reached.

"Come on baby…come for me…." he pleaded huskily into my ear, simultaneously placing his thumb to my clit and rubbing firmly. On command the pleasure coursed through me and I shrieked.

"That's it…." he coaxed, and I opened my eyes to his warm, sexy smile.

"I can't take anymore…." I pleaded breathily.

His smile turned into a sly grin, and he seemed to take my pronouncement as a challenge. He rose up onto his elbows, and lifted my leg until it was resting over his shoulder. He did the same with the other, and when he finally began to move he was driving his erection deeper into me than I thought possible. The pressure built up all over again and I couldn't believe how incredible he made my body feel. His hands gripped my hips as he pulled me onto him, and his eyes never left mine.

I could tell he was close. His breathe came in rapid pants, and the muscles of his arm were incredibly taut against my thighs. Suddenly, he let my legs slide off of his shoulders. He leaned back on his knees, pulling me up on top of him in a sitting position. I was wrapped around him in every possible way, my breasts against his chest and eye to eye. His breath was hot against my cheek as he rammed his length into me, grasping my hips as I rode him.

"Oh God…Stephanie…" he grunted, crashing his lips onto mine. I writhed against him as he slammed home, his passionate kiss swallowing up my screams of pleasure. I felt him spasm, filling me with his essence. I rocked against him, milking him until he was spent.

I went limp in his arms, and he rolled us until he was on his back and I was spread on top of him, exhausted. I could still feel him inside of me. That's how we fell asleep, with his arms wrapped around me.

We made love two more times that night, with a fervor that was almost desperate. We both knew what the morning would bring.

I woke to the undeniable dawn breaking across the bedroom, and to Joe standing over me. I don't know how long he'd been there, watching me sleep.

"Hey there." I said.

"Hey yourself." he answered back, tousling my curly hair and kissing me on the cheek.

He rose, taking his jeans from off the floor and sliding them over his bare skin. His shirt and shoes followed, and he walked slowly to the door. He braced himself against the doorjamb, his back to me.

"So what are you going do with your life now Steph?" he sighed. He turned to face me.

"I'm not sure, but I can guarantee you won't like it." I admitted.

"I figured as much." he smiled and shook his head. "Well I guess Aunt Bella is going to be very disappointed." His smile turned sad.

I got out of the bed and walked to him, the light from the window warm against my naked skin. I kissed him softly, knowing it would be the last time.

"I'll always love you Cupcake." he promised, before he turned and walked away.


	43. Damn Skippy

CHAPTER 43

My darkly tinted Chevy Tahoe was parked in front of the Bonds office, and I had sat in it for 20 minutes trying to think of what I would say to Connie & Lula, but also worrying about what they would say to me. Vinnie I was hardly concerned about. I looked over to the passenger seat, eyeing the giant box that held freshly made donuts in every variety the Tasty Pastry sold. I still hadn't taken off the note taped to the top which said, 'Say Hi to Lula & Connie for me. Good luck. I'll be seeing you. Love, Joe.' My eyes got a little moist, but I had a smile on my face. He knew me well. After his exit this morning I had come downstairs after a shower, and found the box on the kitchen table. Bob fortunately had been cordoned off in the backyard, so they were all still there and in pristine shape.

Just then I heard some commotion coming from inside the Bonds Office, so I grabbed the donuts and Kody and I moved swiftly to the front door. When I opened it I could hear Connie.

"Look you may own this place, but take it somewhere else! If I wanted to hear animal noises then I'd just go to the zoo!" she yelled.

Lula piped in and I heard her bang on Vinnie's office door. "This here is what you call a hostile working environment! You do nuthin' but give me crap for not bringing any skips in, but she ain't doing no better. But that isn't why you're paying her, is it? Besides, since when is it illegal to shoot a clown anyhow? Could have happened to anybody. I can't take this no more! I'm gonna go to beauty school and leave this crummy job behind, cause anything would sure as hell be better than this. I quit!"

"But Lula, what would I do here without you? Stephanie left us, now you? Are you seriously going to leave me alone with them?" Connie distressed.

"Uh….I'm back. Want a donut?" Once again I was the master of crucial conversations.

"Fuckin A…." Lula said, her eyes bugging out of her head.

Connie jumped out of her chair and rushed over to give me a hug, but stopped cold when Kodiak stepped in front of me and barked a warning at her. She had a quizzical look on her face. "Ya' know, that dog sounds just like her when Vinnie and…."

At that very moment Joyce Barnhardt came bounding out of Vinnie's office clad in a wet leather outfit that made her look like catwoman. That is if catwoman was a slutty witch who had flame red overstyled hair, and boobs in a push up bra so tight the cleavage line now approached her chin.

"Joyce!" I exclaimed, realizing who my replacement had been and what Connie & Lula had been yelling about. I said it before I realized what would happen next.

At that very moment Kody did exactly what he had been trained to do at the sound of Joyce's name. He began barking and snarling viciously, his shaggy hair standing on end like a lion's mane, making him look twice as big as he was. And he was awfully big. Spittle flew from his mouth as he pulled on the leash I held tightly. His eyes looked crazy, and his jaws snapping sounded like the crack of a whip.

Joyce screamed and fell flat on her ass by the front door. Kody turned directly towards her when he heard the noise, and she started to freak out thinking she was about to be eaten alive by the biggest dog she'd ever seen. She half ran and half crawled out the door, and I noticed a trail of droplets on the linoleum behind her from where she had obviously wet her pants.

"Aus! Platz!" I commanded. Kody stopped abruptly, plopped to the ground beside me, and looked up at me happily with his tongue lolling and tail wagging. "Ein braver Hund" I told him, so he would know how proud I was of him. He bumped his giant head against my thigh in an affectionate gesture.

"What kind of dog is that?" Connie asked.

"Whatever the hell it is, I like him." Lula commented.

"Well he was supposed to be a German Shepherd specially bred in Germany to be trained as a police dog and imported to America. They trained him from when he was a puppy, but first his hair kept growing. Then he kept growing until he was double the size of the others. Turns out that the next door neighbor had an Irish Wolfhound and Bull Mastiff mix that must have jumped the fence and had a rendezvous with Kodiak's mother. So they didn't know what to do with a dog that big, and since no one wanted to buy him anymore…."

"So they sent him to fat camp with you instead?" Lula finished my sentence. "That's just not right! It wasn't his fault he was born big boned like myself. C'mere boy…don't you listen to those haters." she reassured him.

I nodded and gave Kody the hand signal that it was okay to go greet Lula, and he went over and happily let her scratch behind his ears after he sniffed her hand. He kept looking her up and down scanning her traffic cone orange hair and tube top, along with blue jeggings that were stretched to their limit. He hadn't seen anything like it before, in Germany or Jersey.

Meanwhile I sat the donuts down on Connie's desk and opened them up. Connie gave me a huge smile and grabbed a coconut sprinkled one. "We missed you Stephanie. So are you really back?" she asked.

Lula agreed, "Yeah….this place sucked without you. I sure as hell wasn't partnering with J….I mean…..you know who. I'm pretty sure Vinnie must be taking on tougher skips cause we can't seem to catch nobody, and if it weren't for Ranger and the boys we would have gone under. But they only take the high bonds….Connie here has a stack of files taller than your dog that we need help with or I'm not getting a Christmas bonus!"

"Since when do we get a Christmas bonus?" Connie asked.

"Well I just take some of the collateral he has in his office closet. In celebration of little baby Jesus and all…."

"Amen." Connie agreed. Lula got up and walked over to the donuts and perused the selection. I went over to pick one out myself, and Lula put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed. Connie echoed the gesture. Nobody had to say anything. I knew they missed me, and were glad I was back. And they knew I felt the same.

But then both of them looked at me strangely when I leaned down to pick out a chocolate éclair.

"Ummm….honey….did you have some work done when you went away?" Connie inquired.

"Huh?" I answered back with my mouth full.

"Yeah." Lula agreed. "I mean you look all skinny and toned and shit, but not like those bitches on the muscle magazines that look more like dudes. You definitely don't look like a dude with those." she explained, poking me in my right boob.

"Those can't be real." Connie puzzled, poking me in my left boob.

"Whoah there guys….I haven't had a boob job!" I exclaimed, backing up. I put down the éclair and pulled my Kel Tec .380 semi-automatic from the bra holster under my tight black T-shirt.

"Damn skippy!" Lula said.

Connie nodded in approval. "You know how to use that thing? Cause if you're really back you should probably learn how." She said it gently, and the expression on her face told me how bad she felt about what had happened to me, and how she didn't want anything else to ever happen like that again.

"Well I plan on being back," I said. "But that all depends on…." Right on cue Vinnie opened his office door and came out with a file in his hand. He had a few buttons on his shirt unbuttoned and his hair looked a little mussed. I threw up a bit in my mouth when a vision of what I'd interrupted crossed my mind.

"What the hell….?" he shouted when he stepped out, eyeballing Kody. "You get that crazy mutt out of here. I can't have it attacking my employees!" he scowled, though his lower lip trembled when Kody stood up in a protective gesture and Vinnie saw how big he was.

"Don't worry, he won't do anything I don't tell him to do." I explained. "Komm. Sitz." I commanded, and Kody walked over and sat down next to me with military like precision.

"What do you think you're doing here?" he asked. "You don't have the courtesy to let me know you've decided to quit and leave me in a lurch, and by the time I hired J….I mean…uh…you know who, we had so many skips that we haven't even come close to catching up. And she's no help at all!" Vinnie argued, pointing to Lula. Lula flipped him off while she sucked the filling out of a Boston crème donut.

"I figured you might quit after everything, but when I tried to post an ad for the job Lula & Connie threatened to send a memo to my father-in-law." he added, cursing under his breath. No wonder he had held my job open for a while before hiring Joyce. If Harry the Hammer found out about his exploits he would be wearing concrete shoes somewhere in Long Island Sound. Blackmail…..I had taught them well.

"Besides, I have a good candidate that just applied for the job. His name is James, and he used to be a Trenton police officer until he got hurt in the line of duty." Vinnie walked over to Connie's desk and grabbed a jelly filled donut in his other hand. "But he says he can still do the job, so he has an interview tomorrow. I need a male bounty hunter. One that can take higher bond skips too, like this one." he retorted, holding up the file in his hand to the right of his head. It had an 8 X 12 photo of a scary looking man paper clipped to the front of it. "Someone has to dig us out of this hole you got us in." he spat out.

In one smooth motion I aimed my gun and shot a hole cleanly through the file he held up, right square in between the eyes of the man in the photo. Vinnie jerked and dropped the file, and stared in shock at my aim. He quickly shot both hands up in the air in surrender.

"Okay okay! You're hired back!" he squeaked.

"I want my cut to be 15% higher this time." I demanded.

"No way!" he responded.

I took a second shot right through the middle of the jelly donut he held in his other upraised hand, and strawberry jelly sprayed and dribbled everywhere.

"15% it is." he agreed, turning around and fleeing into his office. He slammed the door shut and I could hear him clicking deadbolt after deadbolt and arming the security system. Little did he know I now knew how to get through all of them with ease, but I figured I'd made my point.


	44. Holy Flaming Underwear Batman

CHAPTER 44

"Kick ass!" Lula said, admiring my new Tahoe. She whistled in appreciation. "Sure will be a shame when this thing blows up though. How you'd afford something like this anyway?"

"I won it as a prize at the fat camp Olympics?" I answered tentatively. I tried to think of a more plausible explanation quickly, but it turns out I didn't need to worry about it.

"Wow! That's fantastic. Maybe I should go there next summer. I may be big and beautiful, but it wouldn't hurt to get a little more definition in my legs. It helps to draw the men's attention, and some snazzy prize like this would be just the motivation I need." Lula said appreciatively. I doubted her legs could possibly draw more attention when 99.5% of them were usually on display sticking out of a micro-mini spandex neon skirt.

I opened the door so she could check out the inside. My new police scanner was on, and I could hear a call go out for a police assist for Trenton Animal Control. Apparently a bear had somehow made its way to Trenton and had attacked a female at the offices of a bail bondsman. I figured that was my cue to go, so I grabbed the first few skip files off of the top of the stack and headed off to grab some lunch.

In a few minutes, Kody & I were sitting in the front seat chowing down on some Cluck in the Bucket chicken. I laid all five of the skip files next to each other on the seat between us. "Alright Kody…it's your pick. Which one should we go after first?" I asked, pointing at the files. Kody plopped his paw down on the one in the center. I opened it up to find a picture of a chubby woman who must once have been beautiful, but had the look of someone that had let herself go. Bleach blond hair with dark roots teased too high, too much makeup, and just…too much. As I read through her file I found out that she used to be a lingerie model several years ago, but between then and now she had put on fifty pounds and gotten arrested for stealing from her place of employment. Her name was Olivia Turner and the only address listed for her was her ex-fiance's apartment from three years ago. I decided to go to her former employer to see if they had any leads to help find her, which happened to be at Victoria's Secret in the mall.

"Sorry Kody, you can't help me on this one." I consoled. I thought about pretending to be blind and passing him off as a service dog, but I didn't think I could pull that plan off and still window shop. I put him in the back compartment, filled up his food and water, and turned on the battery powered personal temperature control that I had installed just for such occasions when I had to work without my partner.

It was difficult walking through the mall and not stopping to buy all the things I could now afford, but all my other purchases were already drawing enough attention and the money wasn't going to last forever. I needed to stay focused on how I was going to start getting money coming in again to keep Rex & Kody & I in improved living conditions. Or at least I thought so until I went into Victoria's Secret. After last night with Joe, I felt a certain freedom. I didn't think that being close to a man would frighten me as much as it did before. The thing that frightened me most now was if I would ever find a man who would accept and love me completely with all my flaws. But I pushed that thought out of my mind because Raki had imparted some valuable lessons about dwelling on fear, pursuing happiness, and living for the future instead of for today. Right now, all I need to think about is what comes next.

With that in mind I walked up to the counter after scanning the store. I had decided to play the role of an innocent customer and see if I could pump the sales ladies for information about their former employee.

"Excuse me…but do you know if Olivia is here or when her next shift is? She was so helpful to me last time and I would really prefer to come back when she's here." I said.

The tall dark haired woman eyed me warily and replied "How long ago did you last come here?" she frowned. "She hasn't worked here for some time and I'm sure someone else would be able to give you excellent service." I noticed then nameplate on her shirt said she was the store manager.

"Well it was a while ago…." I answered, trying to think up a good lie that she would buy. "You see…I was getting married and it was going to be our very first night together because we'd been saving ourselves, and I was so nervous about what to buy. Olivia was just wonderful and so patient with me. Now that we've been married a bit I'd like to spice things up a bit with some new lingerie, and she made me feel so comfortable. Does she work at another store now perhaps?" I asked.

"I'm afraid she is no longer a part of the Victoria's Secret family. However I'm sure Lizzy would be able to help you. She and Olivia were good friends and you'll be in excellent hands." she replied, urging me towards a waiting sales lady. I decided to go with it. If Lizzy was really a friend of Olivia's maybe she could give me some information on her current whereabouts.

"Good afternoon Maam, my name is Lizzy and I'd be glad to help you." she offered with a smile.

"Why thank you…I was hoping Olivia would be here but they tell me she doesn't work here anymore." I said with disappointment carefully written all over my face. "She was so helpful last time and I was hoping to have a chance to tell her thank you and how much that meant to me."

"Well Olivia is a sweet person and I'm sure she would be thrilled to know that. I'll be glad to let her know on your behalf. We still see each other every now and then. So…tell me what you are looking for and let's see if we can find something your man will love." she said, guiding me towards the main display racks.

I went along with the charade so that I wouldn't seem like I was pushing too hard for information. "Well…we got married a while ago and I'd like to spice things up a bit. Since it was our first time together Olivia helped me buy some things that were more conservative. Mostly whites and pinks and lacy gowns and such. But I'd like to show a little more skin and try some black and red and surprise my man a bit." I faked a little giggle. I don't know what I was thinking pretending to be the innocent type when in real life my own sexual history made me anything but Polly Pureheart, but the sales lady seemed to be buying it.

"Well we definitely have a few things that will fit the bill." she smiled, grabbing several things off of the rack for me to try on. I followed her to the changing rooms dutifully, making small talk all the way. As I was ushered into the dressing room I pulled her aside.

"Listen…the manager seemed a little upset when I asked about Olivia. Is there something going on? Why did she leave? She was so good at her job and all." I pried.

"Well…I shouldn't be telling you this, but Olivia was fired." Lizzy confessed, looking over her shoulder to make sure her boss wasn't watching.

"Oh my goodness! What for?" I asked with fake shock.

"Well…it was really more a misunderstanding. Olivia had her first date in a really long time, so she put some merchandise on layaway but wasn't able to pay for it in time for her date, even with the employee discount. She really did deserve something special after all she'd been through, and it was a big deal for her to trust a guy enough to date again. So she took it for the night anyway but was going to pay for it two days later when she got her paycheck, but our boss caught her and refused to cut her a break and even pressed charges after she fired her!" she explained. You could tell she harbored some ill will towards the manager for not being understanding about her friend's indiscretion.

"Well that's not fair!" I agreed.

"I know, right? Poor Olivia has been through so much. She used to be a lingerie model you know. Then her fiancé cheated on her and dumped her and she never really recovered after that. She gained all that weight after the breakup consoling herself with food. But who could blame her when the invitations were already sent out and she had to return wedding presents and everything! She was just trying to get back on her feet and she started working here. She knew so much about lingerie from her modeling days. We even joined a gym together and she was getting back in shape so she could model again. But now that she got fired every time I see her she has gained back more of the weight and seems more angry and bitter. To be honest, she is scaring me a bit." she said sadly.

"Oh that's just awful! Has she been able to get a job again? Where is she living if she doesn't have a pay check? The poor thing!" I pressed, hoping to get details that would help me find her.

"Well she has been putting in applications, but they keep calling her last place of employment and finding out what happened and then she doesn't get hired. She rents out a bedroom from this old lady out in the Burg, but she has threatened to evict her if she can't come up with the money by the end of this week." Lizzy said.

"How awful…" I clucked, shaking my head. I tried to concoct a ploy to convince Lizzy that I had a job opportunity for Olivia, and then maybe she would give me her address. But before I could come up with anything, the store manager walked by. Lizzy gave me a nervous glance, so I took the lingerie from her and gave a huge smile for the manager's benefit. I went into the dressing room and peeked through the crack by the door hinge, but the manager showed no signs of leaving. I figured I should go ahead with the ruse and try something on, then maybe the manager would leave and I could get the details I needed.

I grabbed the first item off of the hanger. She'd selected a gartered chemise set with black ruffles and lace with several red satin bows. I had to take off and hide my bra holster and gun in my purse along with my other concealed weapons. This getup left nothing to the imagination and there was no place to hide anything. It was pretty cute, and after I tried it on I decided maybe Lizzy deserved a big commission because I looked like a classic pin up girl and decided to buy it. I had no idea who other than me would ever get to see it now that Joe and I were over, but worrying about the future was something that Raki taught me gets you nowhere. I even put on the fishnet garters that came with it and decided at once to buy it just for me, and whatever lucky guy someday walked into my life. It turned out that lucky guy was just around the corner, and that someday turned out to be today.

"Oh no!" I heard Lizzy exclaim.

"Get out! You have been criminally trespassed from this location. Leave before I have security escort you out." I heard the manager say angrily. I peeked open the door of the dressing room to see my skip standing in front of the manager, looking desperate and crying.

"But you don't understand! I brought you the money I owed, and I promise I'll never do it again. Please just let me have my job back and drop the charges! I have nowhere else to go. I'll do anything." Olivia begged. She shook as she tried to hold back the tears that fell down her plump cheeks and streaked her mascara.

"I told you to get out! You are nothing but a thief. And no one wants to buy lingerie from a has-been model who's now just a criminal who's too fat to fit into anything she is trying to sell. Now leave my store!" the manager yelled at her. At this point everyone in the store was staring. I could see Olivia's face go from tearful and crushed to full of rage and vengeance.

"Olivia don't!" Lizzy cried out, as she saw her lunge towards the manager. I turned and rifled through my purse looking for my handcuffs that I'd had to take off to try on the lingerie, then stuffed them into my left bra cup when I finally found them at the bottom of the bag. By the time I opened the door to the dressing room Olivia and the manager were going at it full force, complete with screaming, scratching, and hair-pulling. I ducked as a fake press-on nail flew past my head.

"Stop it, both of you! I'm a bounty hunter with Plum bail bonds and you've missed your court date. Miss Turner you'll need to come with me to reschedule."

"What?" Lizzy reacted.

Olivia wasted no time jumping to her feet and bolting towards the entrance. I didn't exactly have time to change, so I bolted after her. She knocked a display rack of nightgowns over in front of me, but I was able to jump over it just in time. I made a silent note to myself that my morning running ritual should start including some practice hurdles. As we both rounded the corner and were just a few yards from the only store exit, I was shocked to see a man step forward and block the exit. The man was dressed in all black, and when he saw me his eyes turned into liquid dark pools of desire. His lips twitched slightly upwards into his version of a grin as he looked me up and down. "Babe." Ranger said, shaking his head.

Olivia looked from Ranger to me then back again, realizing she was cornered. She reached into her purse, and pulled out a molotov cocktail and threw the gasoline bomb at wall behind me, lighting up a display of thong panties. The customers and employees started screaming and all ran past the flames and towards the exit in their desperation to escape, and almost trampled Ranger. Olivia managed to squeeze into the crowd and side-step him. But Ranger and I both gave chase as she ran full speed towards the main mall exit.

"Babe…I got this. You're barefoot and in a negligee."

"Ranger! I don't need your help. I've got this under control!" I declared between gasps. Even while running, I saw the side of his eyebrow go up. "Besides…It's called a gartered chemise. Not a negligee." I wheezed between strides.

"My mistake. Your gartered chemise is on fire." he casually commented as his eyes drifted towards my ruffled ass. My ruffled ass that was smoking hot. And not in a good way.

I was about to stop, drop, and roll when I realized we were just 50 feet from the mall entrance where there was a giant decorative water fountain. And then I realized Olivia was just 20 feet in front of the fountain. Something took over and I broke into a sprint so fast that I left Ranger in smoke….literally. In the few seconds it took me to get to the fountain Olivia had seen me on her tail and tried to dodge to the left, but she wasn't fast enough. I tackled her full speed and we both went into the water. We splashed around wrestling in the fountain while a crowd formed. A few people pulled out their phones and started videotaping, but it was hard to care because I was so relieved at the cooling sensation on my burned hind quarters.

"Need any help?" Ranger offered, leaning casually against some railing and not even out of breath.

"I said...I don't…..neeed….any…..help!" I yelled, spitting out mouthfuls of water and whipping out a few Jujitsu moves Raki had taught me. She slipped out of my grip twice thanks to all the water, but eventually I pinned Olivia to the concrete lip of the fountain using an arm bar maneuver.

"Uncle! Uncle!" Olivia screamed. I pulled my cuffs out of my bra cup and snapped them on as the crowd began to cheer. I could hear the fire engine sirens approaching in the distance.

"So I see." Ranger agreed, the corner of his mouth twitching up.

"Wipe that look off your face!" I barked at him, trying to get Olivia to stand up straight so I could get her out of the fountain. "This isn't funny. This is all your fault!"

"How is that exactly?" he asked me, watching a glistening droplet of water work its way down between my breasts. I saw him tense and his eyes locked onto the edges of my phoenix tattoo peeking through the ruffled lace of the bra cup.

"She didn't throw the gasoline bomb until you showed up. I always thought you'd set my underwear on fire someday…but this is not exactly what I had in mind!" Oh shit. I said that last part out loud, didn't I? That earned me a full blown 1,000 watt Ranger smile. He held both his hands up and backed up in appeasement as I pushed Olivia out of the fountain and stepped out of the water.

As I stood there dripping onto the tile a few pennies from the fountain slid out of the side of my bra cup and fell to the ground. A twelve year old boy and his friend standing nearby looked at each other wide-eyed and I heard one of them tell the other how this was way better than what he'd just wished for.

I recognized two older women that frequented Grandma Mazur's beauty parlor. "She looks great doesn't she Ethel?" the one lady told the other. "Sure does…maybe we ought to give that fat camp a try next summer." the other lady replied. I rolled my eyes and looked at Ranger. He gave me a questioning look and mouthed the words "fat camp?"

Thirty minutes later I was sitting comfortably in my car with my skip safely locked in the back. Ranger had given me his charge card since my purse was melted in the inferno that used to be Victoria's Secret, and I had bought myself a pricey new outfit from Macy's while he guarded the skip. I also had to buy the expensive Egyptian cotton towel I dried off with. Since this was really all his fault and he had given me his credit card, I figured he'd only want me to have the best.


	45. Striking a Bargain

CHAPTER 45

"We need to talk." I told Ranger when he pulled his Porsche up next to my Tahoe. That was usually his line. He handed me some Godiva chocolates from the mall kiosk, and I handed them back to Olivia to drown her sorrows in. She finally stopped crying and I gave Ranger a grateful look and he nodded in acknowledgement. I got out of the car and stood next to him.

"Let me guess. I also owe you two guns, pepper spray, a bra holster, lipstick, and a new purse to fit it all in since it all got melted." he guessed.

"And don't forget the taser. And if you give me unlimited time on the Rangeman gun range with 1,000 rounds of complimentary ammo I'll consider us even. But that's not what I want to talk about."

"Deal. You drive a hard bargain. So what do you want to talk about?" he asked, turning around and putting an arm on either side of me so that we were facing each other.

"Why did you follow me here when we agreed the other day you wouldn't treat me differently? I'm trying to be independent again, and you can't just show up all the time trying to protect me now! I know where you put the GPS tracker on my car and I almost ripped it off. But I decided against it because I never want to be stuck in another situation where I'm desperate for help and no one knows where I am. I also left it there because I know how hard it has been on you worrying about me, so I thought I would let it go to ease your mind and even let Rangeman install a permanent alarm on my apartment to boot. But I know enough now to find and rip off all your tracking devices, including the one you thought you had hidden so well in the lining of my purse that's now melted along with everything else. So if I think you are going to overstep the boundaries I'm trying to lay out now then I'll disable all of them and go off of your radar." I told him assertively, although I'm sure he saw me chew my lip to calm my nerves when I was finished.

"I wasn't following." he offered. "Had a question to ask you. The tracker showed Victoria's Secret, so it was two birds with one stone."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I could ask you the question, and get to see what you were buying. But you did me one better and gave me a fashion show. Shame about the fire. I really liked it. Those little ruffles and bows….." He groaned, sliding his hand down to very gently cup the cheek that had gotten slightly burned by the melting ruffles. He moved his head next to mine and his lips traced over the line of my jaw and he placed light kisses over the most sensitive part of my neck. My heart started racing.

"So…umm…I guess I'll…uh…leave your tracking devices alone then." I managed to mutter. It occurred to me this was the second time in so many days he had ignored my look but don't touch yet rule, but this time I hardly seemed to mind. But I knew I wasn't ready to face all the confusion with my quasi-relationship with Ranger when I had just finally broken it off with Joe. "So…uh….what was….the errr….question?" I asked breathily. He leaned back and the kisses stopped, though part of me didn't want them to.

"Do you really still want to do distraction jobs?" he asked me in a dead serious voice, looking deep into my eyes.

"Yes." I answered without hesitation, staring right back.

He sighed and shook his head. "Pick you up tomorrow night at eight then."

"I've got a better idea. I'll come to Rangeman and meet you. I'll come a few hours early so I can get some practice in on the range." I told him. Firearms was a perishable skill and I was used to shooting at least once a week now, so it felt strange now that it had been over a week and I hadn't fired my gun. If you had told me that someday I would find shooting guns to be an enjoyable and relaxing activity I would have found that idea as implausible as me running on a regular basis. But here I was and both of them were true now. Life is full of surprises.

"A few hours Babe?" he questioned, cocking his eyebrow.

"You promised 1,000 rounds didn't you?" I challenged. I had some other plans for the extra time that I didn't want him to know about yet. He nodded. "Be sure to have my replacement guns ready for me too." I demanded. Now he cocked the other eyebrow. "You know if you keep cocking your eyebrows like that they could get stuck that way." I warned him.

With that he shook his head and put his arm around my waist and opened up my car door for me. "You'd better get her to the station before she runs out of chocolate." Ranger cautioned. "Besides, I should leave quickly before the ladies and their men in this town find out I helped burn down Victoria's Secret."

True….there could definitely be a riot. And speaking as a woman I know that when in serious emotional distress a sudden lack of chocolate was a dangerous enough proposition to strike fear into the heart of a warrior. I got in the car and turned it on, but couldn't leave without a final word of appreciation. I was being pretty hard on him after all and the fire wasn't exactly his fault. "Thanks for taking all those people's cell phones that were videotaping at the fountain." I said gratefully. They all had immediately surrendered their phones when he told them it was for police evidence and would be returned later, though I think they did it mostly because the look on his face said it was not a request. I had enough to deal with, so being saved from a YouTube clip of my wet and wild lingerie wrestling match was a huge relief.

"I had to. My phone doesn't have a camera on it." he replied with a feral look. I opened my mouth in shock, which gave plenty of room for his tongue when he leaned in to kiss me suddenly. By the time I opened my eyes all I could see was his Porsche pulling away in my rearview mirror. Olivia gave a long whistle and fanned herself with a Godiva bar. "That man can melt milk chocolate from across a room." she told me. I definitely agreed.


	46. The New Guy

_You've all met Raki by now, but I've been planning a new character for a while and it's high time he is introduced to the Plumverse. I didn't have an idea of what he'd be like until I saw the movie "Bridesmaids" recently and the adorable Irish brogue state trooper stole my heart. Picture a more muscular version and enjoy! ~CarpeFicNDiem (AKA: Tahara)_

CHAPTER 46

Late the next afternoon I pulled into the Rangeman garage four hours ahead of time. I planned to spend several hours shooting and the last few getting ready, but being "ready" no longer meant just putting on makeup and a slutty outfit to me. Since Ranger owned his own range I could practice things they don't let you do at public ranges such as holstering, shooting and moving, shooting at night or in ambient light, using a flashlight with a gun, shooting around concealment, shooting from a various body positions, and just about any other variation you can think of. It pays to be prepared but it sure does cost a small fortune in ammo. That is unless you get Ranger to supply it in apology for playing a small role in getting 2nd degree burns on your ass cheek.

"Angel!" Bobby greeted me as I rounded the corner. He was in the control room with some guy I didn't recognize, and both their eyes bugged out of their heads when Kody came padding in behind me.

"Wow…he looked big on the monitors but that dog is huuuuge!" he said. The man had a pale complexion and dark brown curly hair, with an Irish accent. I noticed he had very kind looking eyes with cute crinkles at the corner. He was boyishly handsome, and the rest of him wasn't half bad either. He had more muscle on him than Bobby.

"Angel, this is the new guy James Boone. James, meet Stephanie Plum and um…" Bobby looked at me questioningly.

"Kodiak is his name. But I usually call him Kody for short." I said, quietly giving Kody the German command and hand signal to smell both of them and identify them as friends. I was surprised when James knew what to do immediately and put his hand out and held his head downwards until Kody got his sniff on.

"Pleased to meet you both." James said. He stood up to shake my hand, and was startled to notice that he was missing half of both legs below the knee and had curved steel prosthesis with rubber tips instead of feet. Apparently he noticed me noticing.

"That's nothing." he smiled. "You should see the other guy."

"Damn." I grinned back. "Is he missing both legs completely then? Or maybe his arms?" I responded, trying to sound clever.

"Nope. Just his head." he told me. My jaw dropped. Bobby looked at him sternly.

"I apologize….I just like to mess with folks sometimes. It really doesn't seem to bother me as much as it does other people. Plus, I had to mess with you a bit because rumor is you stole my job on Monday." James explained.

"What? Steal your job?" I puzzled.

"In a manner of speaking. Vincent Plum was set to hire me but when I showed up for the final interview and paperwork there were two bullet holes in his office door with what smelled like strawberry jam all over it. He told me the position was already taken back by a former employee. But fortunately despite my disability Rangeman is willing to give me a shot in a limited capacity, as long as I don't piss Bobby off any more than I just did." James told me. Bobby just shook his head, but I saw him grin. "I prefer not to think of it as a disability though and more like a superpower. These titanium legs o'mine have so much spring in 'em that I can run even faster than I did before." he gave me another charming smile and his eyes crinkled up at the corners.

"Oh yeah…I remember Vinnie mentioning you. Right after he insulted me repeatedly and told me women couldn't handle high bond skips like a man could. I shot a hole in the file he was holding up and a second in the strawberry donut in his other hand. He changed his mind after that. I guess I lost my temper. Oops. " I shrugged my shoulders.

Bobby started laughing so hard he almost fell out of his chair. "I'll make a note not to piss you off then." James laughed.

"I may have to go watch you through the window of the gun range on my lunch break." Bobby chortled. "I can't wait to see your new skills at work. Wish I could have been a fly on the wall Monday though. We monitor the police scanners here and I heard about a bear attack at the bonds office and it didn't make any sense until just now."

"Feel free to join me." I invited him. I knew we'd had the same firearms instructor and he had more experience, so it would be a good refresher. Plus I wanted to thank him and show him how much Raki had helped me. I was a crack shot now.

"I may take you up on that. But who's going to watch the dog? I don't have any spare hearing or eye protection that big." Bobby commented, half-serious.

"I guess I hadn't thought about that. I can leave him in a room nearby but I usually prefer him to be next to me so I can always have him under my control. He's been trained to become used to the sounds of nearby gunfire so that he won't react badly to it, but too close and it could damage his sensitive hearing." I pondered out loud.

"I'd be glad to help out and keep an eye on the critter for ya. He can help me watch the monitors and play fetch and such." James offered.

"I don't know…he's not like other dogs. He's sort of a police dog so he can be very dangerous if you don't know exactly what you're doing." I told him. Bobby nodded. I think Bobby had suspected as much, but apparently Raki hadn't been passing along too much information and this confirmed it for him.

"Actually, I had just finished almost a month of K-9 Officer training and was set to take over for a retiring Trenton PD Sergeant when I got injured in the line of duty. I'd be a good man for the job." James said.

"Really? You're kidding! Well that would be perfect then. Just don't try to give him any German commands." I warned. My mind started racing. I had lucked out and stumbled across someone else with K-9 training to compare notes with. "Say, maybe you could help me with running some drills to keep his skills up sometime? I don't know anyone else with the training and it would sure help out since I've got to run so many each month keep him well practiced and in good shape."

"You have no idea how much that would mean to me. I'd love to help you out." James said sincerely, his handsome eyes lighting up. "And don't worry I know how it works…we always had to work with the dog for a spell before issuing commands. Alpha dog status and all that. He'll go on full attack if I try now I assume."

"You're right about that." I responded. "I'd hate to see you lose the rest of your legs." I joked, handing him the leash. His hand touched mine and I felt a small charge of electricity jump between us.

Bobby noticed, and put his hand on my shoulder and led me away. "Well time for my lunch. Tank should be here in about twenty minutes to take over, but you seem to have the hang of the software so I think you can handle it on your own for a bit."

"Yes sir." James replied, all business and turning back towards his console. But not before he winked at me.

"Well how did it go?" I asked James, grabbing ahold of Kody's leash when I returned from the gun range. I smelled like gunpowder and was full of adrenalin. It had been almost two hours and my marksmanship was better than Bobby's on one of the 25yd speed shooting drills we ran together. He still beat me at everything else and I accidentally took a headshot to a paper hostage, but I held my own and he was so proud of me that he promised he was going to hang my best target on the break room fridge for everyone to see. He told me that I was on par with experienced shooters, and it took a while for me to believe that my skills were anywhere near as good as the other employees at Rangeman. But he eventually convinced me.

"Not quite as good as your shooting practice went I'd say. I watched you on the monitors and I don't plan on crossing you in any dark alleys." he offered, clearly impressed with me. I noticed he looked me up and down.

"What do you mean by not as good? What happened?" I said in a worried tone.

"Well it all went great until Tank showed up to relieve Bobby for lunch." James answered.

"Oh no! Tell me what happened." I was growing increasingly alarmed. I knew how dangerous Kody actually was and his actions were 100% my responsibility. I was instantly regretting leaving him in someone else's hands.

"Well my guess is that Kodiak here recognized Tank as the only dog in this pack that's bigger and stronger than he is, seeing as he's built like a mother feckin' freight train and almost seven feet tall. So Kody decided to assert his dominance and establish himself as the pack leader here at Rangeman."

"Did he attack? Is Tank hurt?" I exclaimed.

"Oh not at all. Just his pride. Kodiak started humping his leg. Typical Alpha dog dominance display behavior, ya know. Tank told me with some unkind words to command him to stop, but I politely explained that there were serious consequences to issuing German commands before a bond had been established." he declared with a boyish grin.

I'd seen Tank angry before, but imagining him just standing there furious and letting Kody hump him was the most ridiculous thing I could imagine. I started to laugh so hard I had tears running out of my eyes. James laughed with me, an told me he must not be scoring points with Rangeman's 2nd in command , but at least Tank decided he could handle the rest of the control room shift on his own since he and Bobby needed to do some last minute prep for tonight's job. When he said he guessed maybe now Tank was actually 3rd in command at Rangeman, I started laughing again so hard I almost wet myself. Apparently Tank had confiscated the video file and deleted it, so James described it in vivid detail to me and asked me to be sure to take the blame for him if the story just so happened to make it out of the control room and spread amongst the Merry Men like wildfire.

"I haven't laughed like that in at least 5 months." I said when I finally grabbed a breath.

"5 months? That's just unacceptable. Entirely too long. I hope to be seeing more of you soon and I'll do what I can to make you laugh. A beautiful woman like yourself should smile more." he said, eyeing me appreciatively. I started to get uncomfortable at where this was going.

"I hope to see more of you too James. It's just…well….I wasn't kidding when I said it's been 5 months. I went through something really, really bad and almost didn't survive it. And I just finally broke up with my on and off boyfriend since high school right before we were about to get engaged." I hoped that was enough explanation, and I threw out the last part so that he would realize that I wasn't quite ready to dive into dating just yet.

"Understood. Some things take time. Say….when Tank stormed off earlier muttering under his breath he said something about he wasn't really scared of 'the Bombshell's mutt.' Was he talking about you? Are you that Bombshell Bounty Hunter I heard about from one of my fellow officers?" he asked.

Oh crap. I nodded my head. Who knows what he had heard about me.

"Well I'm doubly pleased to meet you then. I've only heard a few rumors and know what a 10-32 is, but it sounds like you are an amazing woman from what I hear. I heard something about you being missing for a while there after you saved that little girl we were looking for, but that's when the crash happened and I spent the next few months recovering. Until a few weeks ago I've been away from all the goings on just training on getting strong enough to work again. I met that Morelli bloke a time or two. Good man. Excellent cop. His loss though." James said, his eyes examining my face.

"The crash?" I asked him, changing the subject.

"It was awful. I was doing my last traffic stop of the night before shift was over. I was going to finally join K-9 after the Sergeant's retirement party the next week, and some bastard drunk driver rammed into the back of my squad. Happens a lot with them idiot drunkards when they see them pretty flashing red and blue lights. I managed to push the young gal out of the way in time. I'd pulled her over for speeding when she was coming home late from a sorority party. She was only 19. So I said a little prayer and gave her a shove. I got lucky and he only ran over the bottom parts of my legs, and I was able to stay conscious through most of it and call for help. The poor girl was hysterical." he said, his eyes taking on a distant look. I knew that look because it was the same one I had often.

"That's horrible. What happened to the bastard that hit you?" I asked, surprised by the urge I had to reach out and put my hand on his. I didn't.

"I told you already. The other guy lost his head." he answered back with a morbid smile.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Decapitated himself in the crash when his truck skidded back out onto the road after running over me. He hit the back of a semi-truck carrying a load of steel plating. That driver was fine. I'm not supposed to say that he got what he deserved, but sometimes I feel that way ya know." he admitted.

"I know exactly what you mean." I said in almost a whisper.

"I don't mean to bring you down at all Stephanie, it's just tough and I got so much on my mind this week starting a new job. A lot to prove and I'm a little out of place since I'm the first guy he's hired with no military background. They just got me here in the control room to start, and even that took a lot of convincing until I told them I started off as a 911 Dispatcher. Ranger said he'd give me a chance to do more eventually but he's got the same concerns that Trenton PD had that I won't be able to do certain things, and they don't want to take the risk if other people's lives are at stake. Trenton patrol works twelve hour shifts and my doctor doesn't want me working longer than eight for a year or so. I can understand but I just hope they give me a chance to prove them wrong someday, because if I can find a way to be a cop again I will." he said with determination.

"Did Trenton PD force you to retire or quit or something?" I asked him.

"Not at all…they gave me all sorts of medals and honors and support and such. But I knew they were planning on a way for me to drive a desk for the rest of my natural career. I may be able to run faster but not as far or as long. I don't have the calluses built up on my stumps to handle more than an hour or two on my feet, but I hope to work up to longer over time. But sitting on my duffer taking police disability payments and drinking a six pack of stout just isn't in my nature. Until then Rangeman may let me at least do some fieldwork if I show them I can handle it. I was thinking maybe I can get some sharp spikes installed on my prosthetic legs and a flaming skull tattoo on my forehead and maybe that will convince them I'm tough enough, ya think?" he joked. I laughed again. "You do have a beautiful smile Ms. Plum. I do hope it won't be too long before I'll be seeing it again."

"Well if you're still here in about two hours when I leave for the distraction job I'll be sure to send one your way when I'm on my way out."

"What's a distraction job?" The quizzical look on his face told me he really had no clue. Looks like Rangeman hadn't gotten that far in the training handbook yet. I bet they'd given me my own chapter in the manual.

"When I walk by later you'll figure it out." I told him, flashing one dazzling smile his way before Kody and I walked away.

_So what do you think of James? The only thing sexier than an Irish accent is an Australian one in my opinion. First Joe. Then Ranger. Now James. So many men and tough choices for Stephanie. Fear not Cupcakes, Joe still has a very important role yet to play. I'm not sure yet what exactly James will be to Stephanie, but he may eventually help give Ranger the swift kick in the ass he so desperately needs. ~ CarpeFicNDiem (AKA: Tahara)_


	47. The Eleventh Commandment

CHAPTER 47

The old Stephanie would have gone upstairs to Ranger's apartment to shower and get tarted up for tonight's job for both of the two hours. But the new Stephanie decided to barge into the conference room instead where they were meeting about tonight's distraction job. There were going to be a few changes, but something told me Ranger and everyone would be on board if they realized I wanted to be more involved for safety's sake and had the knowledge now to be more of an asset to the team. I was realizing that everyone was so glad to have me back that I was being given a lot more latitude and I might as well take advantage of it. When Bobby and I finished up on the shooting range earlier, he filled me in on the lengths he had to go to in order to keep everything a secret for the past four months.

"You know I didn't mind, but it wasn't easy," Bobby admitted. "I guess you heard about Ranger's little temper tantrum when I refused to tell him where you went. He went ballistic as soon as he saw the GPS tracker on the Valkyrie change direction at the edge of town, and the guys he had following you told him ten minutes later that it had been thrown into the back of a pickup truck. I told him you went West, were safe, and I was going to honor your wishes and not divulge anything about your decisions or plans. He still doesn't know about Raki, though he obviously has figured out someone else gave you a few lessons by now. He sure tried his best after that." Bobby shook his head and smiled.

"Tried his best…meaning what?" I asked.

"Well it started after that very first phone call where you told him to hand the phone to me instead. He didn't take to that very kindly. I had to buy about twenty disposable phones to make my calls on that were related to you, because he kept trying to trace them or record the conversations. I had to destroy them after each use." he chuckled, amused at his inventiveness to outmaneuver Ranger. "I know he had all my emails and movements monitored in case I tried to get in touch with you or gave a clue where you were somehow, but when I found the bug in my car he and I had a little chat and he finally backed down when he realized he wasn't going to get anything from me and he'd crossed a line. It was challenging to suddenly be up against a man who is among the best in the world at finding people. Usually we are on the same side, so I had a bit of fun trying to evade him and in a weird way I think it will make me better at my job finding folks who don't want to be found. I learned a few new tricks." he told me.

"Glad I could be of service. Thank goodness he finally backed off of you. I hope that didn't take too long." I said.

"He backed off of me, but he never gave up. Instead he monitored your email and voicemail, bugged your apartment, and did the same to anyone he thought you might contact instead. He tried to pay off Dillon and a few others, but they clearly didn't know anything because you covered your tracks so well by making all those advance arrangements and staying off the radar. I suspect he tried to monitor your credit cards but figured out pretty quickly you weren't using them, and none of us know where your sudden windfall of cash came from. He did figure it out I think, but he wouldn't tell the rest of us. I initially assumed it came from him, but clearly that's not the case." he said questioningly. I looked straight back at him, and he could tell quickly I wasn't going answer that question for him.

"I think he and the cop even worked together to try to locate you, believe it or not. Morelli must have pulled some strings to get your missing persons case assigned to him since that doesn't even fall under his division." That was surprising to say the least, and I realized Joe was probably almost as bad off as Ranger the whole time I was gone.

Bobby continued. "Ranger would work all day, but then spent all his time alone at night in his office listening to the tapes and going over all the tracking records by himself, hoping there would be some lead to finding you." he told me quietly, looking at the ground sadly.

I couldn't believe how hard Ranger had looked for me, and I started to feel guilty until I reminded myself that Joe and Ranger had to learn that they couldn't protect me and this was about growing stronger own my own…not needing their help like I did before. Still, I couldn't understand why he had gotten so obsessive over it. It was silent for a while as Bobby and I field stripped and cleaned our guns before reassembling them. I couldn't help but notice the replacement guns Ranger had provided for me were the same make and caliber of weapon but an upgraded version of each. As I was packing up to leave the range he looked at me and I could tell he had something else to say.

"So it wasn't until you got back I finally was able to have a long conversation with Raki to catch me up. He tells me you were an incredible student and he hopes to drop by and visit sometime soon to see how you're making out."

"I hope he does. I miss him. Thank you again for all your help Bobby….I know that wasn't easy for you to do." I thanked him, giving him a bear hug. "I don't understand why Ranger wouldn't trust me or you and just let me go so that I could do what I needed to do by myself." I told him with annoyance.

"Let you go? Somehow I don't think that is something Ranger will ever be capable of when it comes to you." he told me. "I think it would be good if you talked to him when you get a chance. He doesn't understand why you asked for my help instead of his. From the moment you first went missing he felt helpless to do anything to save you and with every passing day it got worse. Ranger doesn't do powerless and always needs to be in control, but until that horrible day when we finally found you I didn't realize just how much. No one has ever seen him react that way, or seen him act the way he has since then. He's been better since you got back but I'm still worried about him. Which is the only reason I've told you any of this." he stated intensely. I met his gaze and nodded so that he'd know I planned on keeping the bulk of this conversation to myself. Bobby cared about his friend, but clearly felt like he was betraying him a bit by sharing so much with me.

"I gave you my word, and you know myself and any of the guys will always be there for you. But promise me you'll try to explain to Ranger why you wouldn't let him in. Tank has tried to talk to him about it because he and Tank are so tight, and I think the both of us have an idea why. But Ranger's just too close to see it, and so I think he has the wrong idea."

"I will. Thanks again Bobby." I gave him another hug. I happened to be facing the window, and saw Ranger walk by. I know he must have seen us hugging, but he continued walking and didn't acknowledge us. I promised myself I would talk to him soon and try to help him understand why I hadn't turned to him, and wondered what his wrong idea was exactly. I just hoped I would be able to help him understand it, because I wasn't sure if I understood it fully myself.

…

"Knock knock!" I said, opening the conference room door wide open without knocking. I placed the black case I carried on top of the table, and plopped down at the end of the conference room table and Kody sat down on the floor beside me.

"Good timing Babe. We were just wrapping up here." Ranger told me, though he looked slightly put off by my intrusion. Tank eyeballed Kody and I saw him scoot his chair further away.

"Actually, I'm sorry to tell you that you're not done just yet. I need to know about the plan for tonight." I told them. Lester, Bobby, Hal, Hector, Vince, and Cal all looked at me in surprise.

"I'll brief you on the way there in the car tonight, as usual." Ranger offered, folding up some schematics.

"I'm sorry, but I've got some new ground rules for distraction jobs and that includes being more involved in the planning stage. I'm not trying to get in the way, but I need to be better prepared to keep myself and everyone involved safe, and hopefully be more effective in capture." I explained calmly.

"And what would those ground rules be?" Ranger asked, his forehead creasing. All the Merry Men leaned forward in their chairs like it was the last five minutes of a game that had gone into sudden death overtime.

"I'm glad you asked." I opened the case and pulled out a piece of paper that I'd had drafted by my attorney for Ranger to sign and slid him his copy. If he was surprised, he didn't show it.

"Rule number one. I'll need to see copies of the schematics I know that you already have available on every job and probably just spent the last hour discussing. I will need the time to look over them myself and analyze all points of entrance, exit, cover, and concealment. I will need to be informed of the intended position of every team member. Any tactical diagrams are to be provided as well."

"Consider it done, but it will take some time to read and interpret them for you and time is money Babe." Ranger replied, looking amused. He nodded at Tank, who slid the tactical diagrams over towards me.

"I know how to read these now Ranger." I told him in a slightly irritated tone. I skimmed over the first page of the diagram. "These are adequate, though the ones I've seen usually note which way all the doors open, and there isn't any notation on the B side of the building of what is next to it." I commented casually. I planned to look over them after the negotiations finished, so I rolled them up and stared down Ranger.

"It's an abandoned warehouse." Lester told me, looking sheepish. "You're right, I should have put that on there. But there are general rules for which way all the doors open…" he started to tell me.

"I know. Doors on a hallway swing away from the hallway and into individual rooms. All doors swing into rooms and against walls. Closets swing out and towards you. Interior doors almost never swing into the center of a room, hallway, or closet." I answered back. "But almost never and never are not the same thing, and it's one more way to be careful."

"The lady has a point." Tank said, eyeing Lester. Lester started scribbling something down on his notepad.

"Rule number two. I'll need a copy of the skip's file at least a full hour beforehand to read over as well, so that I can become fully familiar with the suspect from his appearance, behavior, preferences, and ultimately the risks that I'm signing on for. I won't fully commit to any job until I've had the chance to read it myself." I stated sternly.

"Done." Ranger agreed without hesitation. The Merry Men started snapping their heads back and forth between us like they were watching a tennis match.

"Rule number three. I will be armed with pepper spray and a small gun in a well concealed holster. I accept that should the skip try to feel me up or fondle me as has happened before it could blow my cover, but that is a risk I'm willing to take when I put myself in that position. I'll be selecting my clothing and accessories to make that discovery as unlikely as possible." A few of the guys looked uncomfortable when I mentioned getting groped, but I was merely stating an obvious fact since it had occurred more than once on other jobs.

"Deal, as long as I get to examine the concealment set up beforehand and make sure it is undetectable to a trained eye." Ranger nodded at me. I cleared my throat to continue, but not before the thought crossed my mind that might mean Ranger planned on feeling me up and fondling me himself.

"Rule number four. I will be informed of all meetings that involve tactical planning regarding the job, should I feel it necessary to attend."

"We can do that Babe, but there may be times you'll have to leave momentarily if we are discussing matters that require a government security clearance." he replied.

"I can agree to those terms." I responded.

"Rule number five. In any bar scenario I will require Rangeman to either pay off the bartender to ensure all drinks served to me are non-alcoholic but disguised as a regular drink, or Rangeman may plant their own bartender to ensure this occurs. This will also help ensure that no roofies or other rape drugs are placed in my drinks by the skip or other interested parties."

"That will take some arranging, but I think we can make that happen." he responded.

"Rule number six. If video surveillance has been recorded beforehand for planning purposes, I would like the opportunity to view it beforehand to further increase my familiarity with the layout."

"Done. Anything else we can do for you?" Ranger said, flipping the paper to the next page and reading ahead. His eyes widened a bit as he read on.

"As you can see, rules seven and eight involve radio and microphone selection and video surveillance monitoring." I announced. Ranger pored over the document quickly.

"Babe, I may have the second item but we don't have anything like the first item this is describing…." Ranger trailed off, reading the fine print.

"That's okay. I do." I opened up the case again and pulled out a smaller case and opened it. Inside were a gold choker necklace and matching earrings and passed them down for everyone to inspect. On top of the brooch portion that fell just below my adam's apple I'd had a jeweler attach my mystic topaz angel pendant Libby's family had given me so that they were one solid piece. It was my guardian angel now in more ways than one. Inside the broach was a top of the line SWAT style throat mic. A rounded gold chain that was in a tube shape came out of both sides, and the wire inside the thin gold shell was absolutely invisible to the naked eye. The flattened clear plastic tube that led from the side up to my ear was concealable by some Hollywood makeup techniques Raki had taught me, as well as the hair I hoped to grow back soon. Until then I would wear a wig. The earpiece was tiny and flesh toned so that it was imperceptible, and it actually connected to the clear plastic ear tube through the back of the earring so that it was even less visible than a traditional SWAT earpiece. Raki helped me design it and agreed it was ingenious and the only one of it's kind.

"As you can see, this is my own invention that I think will provide for the best field communication. It's concealable on a woman, with a little help from hair in makeup, in a way that hasn't been tried before. It is digital, not regular VHF, so I hope your radio equipment is upgraded to this level and compatible." I announced.

"We've just finished the conversion two weeks ago actually so interoperability won't be a problem." Tank offered.

"Excellent. I find that the coverage is far better with less static, skipping, and once you get used to the slight differences in how the voices sound it is a better choice….don't you agree?" I asked Tank.

"Yes I do. It wasn't cheap to convert, but more cost effective in the end." he replied, looking a little stunned. They all did, except Ranger who still kept his face blank.

"The lower power requirements for distance transmission make for smaller batteries that helped me make a device this small possible. It will give me a two hour battery life on one charge. Unlike the more heavily wired devices Rangeman provided in the past, this will do far more than allow you to hear me and the intended target. This will allow me to hear all of you and speak to you directly. I can turn the earpiece off by casually touching my ear should it be necessary to save battery life or avoid distracting me at key moments." I had thought of everything…or at least I hoped so.

"Babe…this is amazing. You designed this yourself?" he asked me. If he was disappointed that I would no longer need his help getting wired up so he could engage in foreplay at the same time, he had the courtesy not to mention it.

"I had a little help, but yes. I need to be able to hear everything going on, and not just have you hear me. So is this workable?" I asked him.

"Absolutely. I may add a wireless video camera on certain jobs as well." he answered.

"I figured you might, so I left that to your discretion as didn't want to be overly restrictive and it isn't possible in all scenarios since I know they are harder to conceal and have their own technical limitations. However you'll see on rule number eight that if video surveillance already exists on site that you will need to have someone tap into the pre-existing feed. You said you might have a signal detector available, but I have one in my car for tonight just in case." I told him

"Consider all this done. I see you have a few more terms here." Ranger replied.

"Yes. Rule nine lists three levels of my personally chosen safety words. If you hear me say the first one, the operation is called off by my command…no questions asked. I'll remove myself from the situation. I say the second word, and the team is to create a distraction of their own to allow me to exit safely. I say the third word, and the team is to extract me immediately using all force necessary." I demanded.

"These words are butterscotch Krimpet, Boston crème, and Tastykake." Ranger said questioningly.

"I'm fully confident I can casually work these words into any conversation." I declared with confidence. Ranger cocked his eyebrow, and I heard Tank chuckle.

"Rule number ten." I continued. "My partner will be inside my vehicle, which is to be parked as close as possible to the main entrance of the building in question with the rear of the vehicle facing the entrance. I have a panic button hidden inside the earring that is not connected to the radio earpiece, and if I press it you will hear a loud series of beeps transmit on the radio. This panic button is similar to the one on my keychain and will immediately open the back gate of my Tahoe and release my partner. Under no circumstances is any Rangeman to interfere, and if anything I suggest they follow Kodiak. He will be able to locate me quickly by scent alone if necessary. He can make quick work of any threat to me and reduce the likelihood of the loss of a human life." I stated. My voice cracked almost imperceptibly at the end when I thought about Kody getting hurt to protect me, but the only thing worse was another friend of mine dying like Sally did. "I assure you there will be no further dominance display behavior like there was earlier this afternoon." I threw in there for fun, eyeballing Tank. All the guys looked at him with raised eyebrows and his ears actually turned bright red.

"It looks like we have the addition of a K-9 to the team then." Ranger responded.

"As a side note, I would be happy to utilize my new partner here at Rangeman in other jobs if you are interested. He is trained to do far more than just personal protection. However a trained K-9 handler like myself or your new employee James will be required to be with him at all times. James has agreed to assist me in Kodiak's regular training drills, so in the process he will be fully capable of commanding the dog and anticipating his responses. " I hadn't thought of that beforehand, but the words flew out of my mouth and I was quite pleased with the sudden proposal.

"Something I'd been planning to discuss with you further. I'll set up a meeting." Ranger replied, clearly intrigued.

"Rule number eleven is non-negotiable. Any extraction orders by Ranger must be seconded by another team member before being followed, but all other commands remain unaffected.

"That's not how it works." Ranger replied, his eyes locked in a challenge with me. He didn't look happy.

"That's how it will have to work. While I respect that no one is more concerned for my safety than you, I think your objectivity is somewhat limited in light of recent events. This will ensure I am allowed enough opportunity to negotiate the risk myself and the job not be prematurely called off. In all likelihood I will be the first team member to second your order, but I want the option anyway." I stood up, placing both my hands on the table.

Ranger was standing in the exact same position, and we continued to lock eyes. The minutes felt like hours and the Merry Men were on the edge of their seats looking left and right like we were in the middle of Wimbledon . When Ranger finally saw that I wouldn't back down he gave a single nod, and as he signed the paper he didn't take his eyes off me for more than the split second it took him to place pen to paper.


	48. Ich Liebe Dich

CHAPTER 48

I sat at Ranger's dining table in his apartment poring over the skip file, but trying to hurry as I only had a little over an hour to finish getting ready since it took a while to go over the rest of the schematics and tactical diagrams in the conference room earlier. The location was an uptown coffeehouse that was also a bar in the evening, and catered to a more metropolitan crowd. The skip owned a penthouse nearby and frequented the place. It was next to several old warehouses that were being converted into loft style apartments in the attempt to reinvigorate the area and create an upscale urban feel. The target was named Lincoln Townsend and he ran a drug and gun trafficking ring with links to the Zetas Mexican cartel, but it said he went by Link for short. He drove a bronze pimped out Lincoln Towncar….cute. He was 47 years old, light blond hair with a well trimmed beard and mustache, six feet tall and pretty well muscled. I read over all his vital statistics, personal information, and criminal history. He was well educated and had two Master's degrees in business and finance, and his taste in women tended to be classy but trashy from the look of his three ex wives. His record showed a history of assaults on all three of them. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, but I reminded myself that my new skills and armed status would protect me before I ever even needed to worry about calling for backup. But still, I could feel the tension in my shoulders and I felt more hyper alert with every passing minute on the clock. But I calmed myself as I recalled Raki's words that panic was what someone does when they have no training and no plan, and I knew that I had both now.

I dressed in a solid black skirt in a stiffer cotton blend of fabric that had heavy ruching on one side of the asymmetrical skirt. The other side of the skirt rode high and tight, and drew in the eye with an ample view of my thigh. This way my gun that was in my thigh holster would be concealed beneath the side that was already flared and bumpy, but the smoother side would be what drew my target's attention away from what I was trying to hide. I concealed my mini pepper spray in my bra in a carefully attached fabric sleeve that was concealed just behind the outside edge of the underwire. Anyone copping a feel would be more interested in the section of my bra that was just in front of it. The top was a handkerchief style that had no fabric in the back and simply a few ties. It had spaghetti straps and the top draped down just low enough to show a lot of cleavage without the edges of my tattoo peeking out. There was a lovely black leather snakeskin purse on the table, that I could only assume Ranger had selected to replace the melted one. Inside was some fire engine red lipstick but it felt too heavy on my shoulder. I examined it further and realized there was a hidden zipper on the side in the crease between the pleats from the two inner compartments. I unzipped it and inside the hidden sleeve was a small hammerless .38 revolver. Fully loaded. I realized it was not only perfectly hidden, but all I had to do was keep it on my left shoulder aimed backwards and I could easily unzip it with my right hand and reach in to fire at any attacker that approached me from behind without turning around No hammer and the fact that it was a revolver meant that I could fire it from within the purse and it couldn't possibly jam from getting pressed against or caught up in the fabric around it. Brilliant!

I went into Ranger's bathroom to do my hair and makeup, and I took out my guardian angel throat mic and earrings and put them on. I broke out my special makeup kit to hide the earpiece perfectly so that it was covered by what looked like a second skin. My hair on the other hand was simply too short to help hide anything, so I carefully pinned a brown highlighted wig. The wig had hair as straight as a bone with an edgy graduated bob that was high in back but much longer in front. There were straight cut bangs, and I styled it so the edges had that choppy look that would be classy enough to make me fit in with the trendy metropolitan crowd. However the high skirt and backless low cut top should be enough to fulfill the trashy requirements to please my skip's tastes in the opposite sex. I put on my make up heavier than normal, and added the red lipstick and a few extra coats of mascara for courage.

When I went downstairs to meet the guys in the parking garage I made sure to swing by the control room. As I paused in the entrance and struck an alluring pose, James turned his head and his jaw dropped to the floor.

"I…I…I must have missed you coming in maam, may I see your identification?" he asked, clearly flustered and looking extremely worried that he had compromised building security on his first day.

"You ready to go Bombshell?" Tank said as he came up next to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Stephanie?" James exclaimed, his eyes tracing my body and landing on my cleavage.

"The one and only." I answered back. Tank nodded over his shoulder to indicate he was heading towards the parking garage. I gave him a thumbs up and he gave me a warm smile, and I felt my confidence rise.

"I think I understand the concept of a distraction job now. That is mighty distracting." James said, looking at my thigh on the shortest part of the skirt and shifting uncomfortably in his chair. "But I prefer that short curly hair of yours much better." he told me with a handsome grin.

"Hier." I told Kody, who promptly left James and came to my side. I smiled back at James right as Ranger walked up and place a hand on my waist possessively.

"You ready Babe?" he asked, shifting his eyes to James with a slightly threatening look.

"More than ever before." I told him, and he turned to look at me. The wordless glance we shared spoke volumes. Ranger gently pulled me towards the hall and we began walking, but I turned my head over my shoulder and gave James a finger wave as we walked away.

"He's right." Ranger said.

"Huh?"

"Your hair is much better." Ranger told me as we approached my Chevy, sliding his hand over the wig and coming to rest on my cheek. I think I blushed as I clicked the key fob that opened the back gate of the SUV. Kody jumped in and the back sank noticeably. I couldn't help but grin when I imagined Tank getting in next to him and the tires blowing.

"You don't have to do this." Ranger asked, looking deep into my eyes.

"Yes. I do." I told him, handing him my keys. He pulled me close and kissed my hair, then released me and walked to the driver's side. We rode to the coffeehouse bar in silence, and for once I had a pretty good clue what he was thinking. He went into his zone, but this time I went into mine and mentally mapped out the building in my head. When we arrived a black BMW magically pulled out of a prime parking spot in front of the location, which I realized Bobby was driving. Ranger made sure the back of my Chevy was pointed directly at the front entrance. He pulled a handheld radio out of the side pocket of his cargos and nodded to me, so I pressed on the pendant to turn my radio on. He ran a radio test and told everyone to get into position, and turned to look at me. I could see in his eyes that he didn't want me to go in, but he knew better than to try and talk me out of it.

Without warning, his face went blank and he leaned towards me and placed his hands on my shoulder. He very slowly traced them down the side of my torso and underneath my arms, then slid one palm across my stomach. I gasped when he put both palms on my breasts and lightly squeezed. But when he moved my hands to my thighs and started to slide down them I realized what he was doing.

"So do I pass inspection?" I asked, slinging the purse over my left shoulder and trying to slow my breathing down.

"Definitely." Ranger replied, lifting my skirt to peek at the baby Glock in my thigh holster. His eyes grew dark as they drifted towards my lace underwear, and he let go of the edge of the skirt and leaned back.

"Don't worry." I told him. "I've got this."

"Can't help it." he told me, his body tense. He flipped the power button to the signal detector I placed on the console and the screen lit up. In about a minute the security cameras inside were showing, and I spotted the skip standing by the bar. I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss, then turned and got out of the cab before he could kiss me back. As I walked towards the entrance I tossed my hair and strutted sexily in my heels. My four inch detachable heels. I had them custom made, since you never knew when you would need to take off running. I told myself that I thought of everything, but found myself rubbing my hand across the panic button on my key fob, which with one firm press would release Kody and play a recorded German command on a small speaker that would tell him to track and find me. I had ultimate faith in Ranger and the team, but the fact was Kody could run faster, jump higher, track my scent in the middle of a windstorm, and had much sharper teeth.

I walked up to the bar but saw that my skip had taken a seat on a plush couch in the corner next to a coffee table. I ordered a coffee and kahlua, and when the bartender handed it to me he nodded and winked and I knew Ranger had made sure that there would be no kahlua in it .

"Is this seat taken?" I asked, sitting next to the skip on the other end of the couch.

"It is now." Link answered, his eyes looking me up and down. I introduced myself as Carrie, and I managed to engage in small talk. I told him I was finishing my degree at a nearby college in business, and he made sure to tell me he had two Master's degrees as he leaned in a little closer. As he leaned in I could smell the alcohol on his breath and I noticed two bulges. One on his right rear flank and the other in his crotch. The first one I thought could be a gun, and the second I was certain of what that was.

"I like your hair." he said, leaning closer and running his fingers through it. I started to get nervous but it was pinned in well, and didn't budge as he fingered the strands.

"I like your beard." I told him breathily. "So sexy..." I cooed. He sidled up next to me and kissed me, putting his hand on my waist. I tensed up immediately, but then forced myself to relax and act like the sensation of his beard scratching my skin was somehow pleasant. I let out a soft moan and stroked his beard. He placed his hand on my thigh, and I put mine near my other thigh that held my gun just in case. I was utterly revolted, but tried to control my body and facial expressions so that he would never know. I tried to focus on the sensation of his beard in my hand and on my face so that I wouldn't have a flashback, and I opened my eyes to stay in the moment. I saw a man sit down across from us and grab a magazine off of the coffee table.

I placed my hand on Link's chest and pushed gently. "I think it might be nice if we go somewhere more private." I told him, nodding towards the front door then looking over at the man across from us. Link gave me a leering smile and nodded in agreement. As we stood up to leave, the man suddenly started to look at me strangely and looked at the magazine repeatedly.

"Hey…you look just like this lady on the cover." he said to us, holding it out for us to see.

"Yeah…you do." Link said, his voice suspicious. It was an old dog eared copy of the Newsweek that had me on the cover at Libby's rescue. Guess this place didn't stay very current with the news. Link looked back at the magazine and I could see him reading the title, so I grabbed the magazine out of his hands and pretended to read it and look surprised. The words "bounty hunter" were in small lettering at the bottom and I was hoping I'd grabbed it before he had a chance to read that far.

"I guess I do a little bit…" I said. I tried to think fast. "But I've got a better body and her hair looks crazy." I told them, hoping my wild curly hair in the photo would convince him I wasn't the same person. I threw the magazine face down on the coffee table. I tried to think of what to do next, and quickly formed a plan.

"Listen…I've got to go to the ladies room real quick. How about I meet you out front and we can go to my loft nearby?" I asked him.

"Sure sweet cheeks." Link answered, smiling a little too wide. His eyes scared me.

"I'll be back faster than you can eat a butterscotch Krimpet." I told him, grabbing my purse and turning towards the bathroom. I knew there was an emergency exit near the bathrooms. I'd used my panic word to remove myself from danger, but hoped that he would head towards the entrance anyway so the guys would still have a chance to grab him. As I approached the bathrooms I leaned towards my throat mic and said "I'm safe and headed towards the rear exit, but I think he has a concealed handgun on his right flank."

"10-4" I heard Bobby receive me, and I heard the chatter of them getting into position and Cal pulling a car around the back to pick me up.

I started to breathe easier as I walked quickly down the hallway right past the restroom, but was pulled backwards by the wig being ripped off of my head. I turned around to see Link staring at my curls and his face contorting in rage. Before I knew what was happening he grabbed me and pulled me towards some red velvet curtains. He pulled them aside and it revealed a hidden door instead of a window, then he opened it and pushed me inside. I realized I was in the warehouse next door. I also realized the security camera feed Ranger tapped into didn't show any views of the hallway near the bathroom, so he couldn't see what happened. I scanned around me quickly, but all I could see in the dim light was studs and columns from walls that were not yet constructed. There was nowhere to run or hide except for the slightly open door that he stood directly in front of.

"Game's up you bounty hunter bitch." he told me, reaching towards his right side.

I reached towards my thigh, fingering the fabric that lay directly over my Glock. "Let's not let this get ugly." I told him, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. "I'll just walk away and go home and eat a few Tastycakes. You win. I lose. Better luck next time." I thought about audibly calling for backup, but my instincts told me that would only push this to a faster conclusion and the element of surprise should be on our side.

As I said the maximum panic word I reached my other hand into my purse and pressed the button to release Kody. I stepped backwards and behind a stack of wood planks, knowing that would be my best bet to stop a bullet. The stack was just high enough to hide my upper thigh. I pulled my other hand out of my purse and set the bag down on the wood pile, being careful to turn it so that the muzzle of the hidden revolver would be aimed at Link. I raised both hands in false surrender, but immediately put one back at my side and began to lift the fabric of my skirt so I could reach the gun handle. His eyes shifted towards the purse, and I leaned over and put my hand on the stack so my body would be lower and he might miss the movement of my hand reaching in between my thigh to grab the gun. He pulled up his shirt and I could see the black grip of a large caliber handgun, and his eyes locked onto my breasts. He had a pretty good view since I was leaning down towards him. I inched my hand over towards the zipper that lay just beyond the concealed revolver in the purse.

"Follow him!" I heard Ranger yell over the radio. I told myself to just buy time and tried to remain calm.

"We do this my way bitch!" he yelled at me. Instead of grabbing the gun handle, to my surprise he grabbed the entire leather holster and placed it all on the table beside him. "Wouldn't want you to get your hands on this, now would we?" he said, licking his lips and stroking his crotch. I instantly realized he had other intentions than killing me, and my heart began to pound. But he'd sorely underestimated my firepower, but I underestimated his speed.

He was much faster than I bargained for, and tackled me right as my hand was pulling the Glock out of the holster. I landed hard on my back, and his large body covered mine. He held me down with his body weight and used his knee to spread my legs. He kept me pinned to the floor with his chest, and reached down with one hand to unzip his pants. But he hadn't looked up to see my gun slowly turning towards his temple.

Time seemed to stop. I felt fear. I was terrified. I was back in the meat locker and living in my nightmare. But then the fear stopped. All I felt as I heard the door fly open and an unearthly growl filled the air was pure rage running through my veins. I slowly pulled the slack out of the trigger. Four pounds. Just four pounds of pressure and it was over.

But it was over before I had the chance. In an instant he was off of me and I felt a flash of fur across my face. Link was screaming so high he sounded like a young girl. The snarling and snapping jaws pulled me out of my pulsing rage and I sat up to see Kody dragging Link by his lower leg across the floor a few feet away from me. A trail of blood smeared across the concrete floor from the bite wounds.

"FASSEN!" I screamed, giving the command for a full attack.

I heard footfalls and turned to see Ranger running in with his gun drawn, and as he smoothly moved towards me he grabbed Link's gun off of the table and secured it in his cargos. That seemed to wake me up and I jumped to my feet and pointed my Glock at Link's heart. I felt Ranger's presence as he moved in next to me with his gun pointed the same direction, and I could hear the rest of the Rangemen behind me.

I saw the handcuffs in Ranger's other hand, but moved my focus back to my front sight. Link was underneath Kody so I couldn't get a clean shot without hurting him. I bared my teeth in frustration as I watched, trancelike, as Kody's teeth tore into Link's arm. Link started to cry and beg when Kody's jaws clamped on his throat .

"You'll kill him Babe." I heard Ranger say. The voice sounded distant like it was at the end of a tunnel, and I ignored it.

"Stop. Call him off." Ranger turned my head to look at him as Bobby and Tank went to opposite sides of Link, poised and ready yet staying a safe distance from Kody as he continued to tighten his jaws on Link's neck and cut off his airway. Ranger's eyes were warm and full of love and comfort, his hand stroking my jaw and bringing me back from the dark place into reality.

I heard Bobby's voice in my head and flashed back to the moment before I killed Marcus and his brother. _"Angel…don't play God. Some of us have crossed that line before, and you'll find out you're not qualified. You can never go back. Don't do it." _

I heard Raki's voice. _"You know that by doing so you became like them. The seeds of evil in them are in you too. You will continue to confront darkness in your life, and it can swallow you too if you are not careful. Holding on to hate will lead you to make the wrong choices." _

"Aus! Lass es!" I commanded, and Kody reluctantly let go. I let Ranger guide my hand down to my side so that the gun was pointed at the ground, and I pulled my finger off the trigger and rested it on the slide as I took a deep breath and stepped forward. I grabbed Kody by the fur on his neck and tugged back, repeating the commands until he backed up far enough for Bobby and Tank to swoop in and cuff the bleeding body on the ground. Tank keyed up on his radio and told the others outside that the skip was secured and to call for an ambulance, while Bobby checked his breathing and put direct pressure on the worst of his wounds to slow the bleeding.

I handed Ranger my gun, then knelt down and wrapped my arms around Kody's neck, not caring that the blood on his jaws smeared across my shoulder. I felt his heart pounding beneath his warm fur and let it absorb the silent tears that streamed down my face so that no one could see. "Ich liebe dich." I told him over and over, my words muffled as I held him tighter and nuzzled my face into his neck. As I heard the sirens approach I leaned back and he licked the tears off of my face. Everything after that was a blur, and before I knew it I was sitting in the passenger seat of the Chevy in silence. That is if you didn't count the sound of Kody feasting on the 18 oz. porterhouse steak Bobby had bought him from the restaurant across the street. I focused on simply breathing rhythmically, thinking reassuring thoughts in my head. I'd done it. I stared down the darkness, but this time I turned back.


	49. Guilt and Innocence

_Thank you everyone so much for your reviews and emails…it means so much to me and I read every single one of them repeatedly and wish I had the time to respond personally but figure my time is best spent giving you a new chapter. Life is tough right now because I work in law enforcement all day, then train at the police academy all night, then work out, then come home to try and grab a few hours of sleep before it starts all over again. But every time I get tired and things get tough I hear the ding of my email and there's another review that brightens my day and inspires my next chapter. Writing helps me cope with all the stress, but I don't have much time to give you a new chapter until the weekend. I decided things needed to get a little angsty here, because Ranger isn't going to change his tune overnight else he wouldn't be the man of mystery we all know and love. And as I promised, Joe still has a very important role to play. I promise there will be a Babe happy ending if you stick with me, but I promise to offer some **SMUT** in the meantime. _

_~CarpeFicNDiem (AKA: Tahara)_

CHAPTER 40

I laid in bed several hours later staring at the darkness, my body curled tight against the warm mass of fur breathing at my side. I told them I was fine. They kept asking. I kept answering. No one believed me, and at the police station when Ranger handed me my keys to drive to pick up Kody at the vet he only relinquished them after I insisted repeatedly that I didn't need his help.

I had managed to appear composed most of night, except for when the Eddie and Carl told me that I needed to let them take Kody to a vet for a blood sample to rule out any transmittable diseases before he could be released out of quarantine. Standard procedure for all dog bites. I started to lose it and refused to be separated from him, until Ranger put his hand on my shoulder and told me he would call James to stay with him until I was finished giving the police my statement.

I watched James drive up in a black sedan, and as he stepped out I saw several extra knobs and levers by the steering wheel that enabled him to drive without using his legs. His eyes locked with mine, then drifted to the smear of blood on my shoulder before he looked towards the ambulance as they loaded Link into the back.

"Take care of him. He saved me." I told him, my voice so soft it was almost inaudible. And he had…in more ways than one.

"I promise to Stephanie." he responded gently, his face full of care and concern. Carl came up next to me and put his hand on my shoulder to guide me to the squad car, and I jerked suddenly, balled my hands into fists, and took a defensive stance.

"Relax…it's just me." Carl said, backing up. I took a deep breathe, reeling myself back in. I took one last look at Kody and James, then nodded at Ranger who was getting into a Hummer with Tank to follow us while Bobby headed to the hospital to guard the skip.

As I laid in bed with the events of the night running through my head again and again, I felt almost as alone as I had so many months ago. I held onto Kody tighter, afraid to fall asleep and drift off into a nightmare. I didn't feel like the new, improved Stephanie anymore. I felt scared and small, like I was back in my old apartment afraid someone was going to break in my bedroom door at any minute. I wasn't fine. I did need his help. At that moment there was nothing more I wanted than to hear Ranger break into my apartment and walk in the door. But that was never going to happen. Even if he got past his own security system Kody would make mincemeat out of him or any other intruder, like he had only hours ago in order to protect me.

I didn't even change out of the t-shirt and cotton drawstring pajama pants I wore, and simply snapped on Kody's leash and put on my running shoes and ankle holster. We ran together the few blocks towards Rangeman in the early morning darkness, and I didn't stop until I was on the seventh floor outside Ranger's apartment. I unlocked the door and signaled Kody to go lie down on the rug in the living room, then walked slowly into Ranger's bedroom.

"Ranger?" I said in a small voice. He was already sitting up, and without hesitation he flipped back the bedcovers on the opposite side as I slid in next to him. He wrapped his arms around me and I cried softly into his shoulder until I finally fell asleep.

…

I woke up because I couldn't breathe. Not from a nightmare, but from being squished between a giant ball of fur and a hard and hot Cuban sex god.

"Oomph" I muttered, trying to extract myself from between them, but Ranger's arms around me ensured that was not going to happen.

"Not a chance Babe. I waited too long…" he trailed off, gripping me tighter. I'll admit I'd envisioned being in bed with Ranger and another male before, but this was definitely not what I had in mind.

"Platz! Platz!" I squeaked out, and Kody sighed and got off of the bed.

He walked over to Ranger's side and whined at me pitifully. "I don't share." Ranger told him. Kody grunted then walked off in a huff. I felt Ranger's chest vibrate in silent laughter. We laid there for some time with him holding me, until I finally gathered the courage to say what I was thinking.

"I thought I had planned for everything. I thought I was prepared." I told him quietly. "I'm so sorry. A stupid magazine cover is all it took for the whole thing to blow up in my face, and I lost control." I pushed my face into the pillow to hide my embarrassment.

"You planned. You obviously trained. But what matters is that you adapted to a rapidly changing situation. That's what we all do. Even the best team can't anticipate everything…and we're the best. Tactically, you did amazingly well." he reassured, his palm making soothing circles on my back.

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"No…I'm not." he tipped my face up to look at him. His eyes were dead serious. "We surveilled the place twice. Old magazines were everywhere. We never thought to look either."

Ranger took a deep breath and paused before he started to speak again. "I have never been in the exact same situation as you. But I've felt rage and lost my control before. You know I've killed too…and three men don't even come close to my body count. Suppressing emotions in combat is a learned skill and I have more than a decade and a half of training and practice. I know what it took for you to pull yourself back in that moment and come back to us. Back to me." he told me, kissing my hair as I pressed my face against the warm skin of his chest.

"Thank you." I was grateful for his sudden openness, shocked that he'd shared so much.

"I didn't think you would. And please…don't thank me." he said, his voice tinged with regret. .

"Didn't think I would what? And why not?" I asked, pulling away from him to look at his face. The muscles in his jaw flexed and he didn't answer. "Tell me. Please." I asked, tracing his jaw with my fingertip.

"I didn't think you would ever come back to me. You're angry with me. I let you down. I don't deserve forgiveness for that." Ranger said, his grip on me loosening.

"Angry with you? Forgive you for what?" I sat up, utterly confused. Ranger sat up and pulled on some silk boxers by the side of the bed, and sat on the edge facing away from me. The muscles in his back flexed with tension.

"You turned to Bobby instead of me. You let someone else give you the training and equipment you know I would have offered you in a heartbeat. You shut me out and disappeared, going to impressive lengths to make sure I couldn't find you. You come back determined to not let me help you in any way, showing me just how much you don't need me. The eleven new ground rules. The dog. But I understand. You can't trust me anymore. I didn't protect you when you needed it most. I shouldn't be surprised that you won't rely on me now."

"I trust you more than anyone!" I told him, shaking my head. "God… Joe figured it out. Why can't you?" I kneaded my temples in frustration, instantly regretting my words.

"Apparently Morelli understands you better than I do. You should have run to his bed like you did the other night." he said coldly.

I jumped out of bed and stormed over so that I was directly in front of him with my hands on my hips. He had obviously been watching his GPS on my Tahoe and knew that I'd spent the night before at Joe's.

"First of all, Morelli and I had a lot of things that were left unspoken between us that we needed to resolve. I needed to say my final goodbye to him so that I could move on. Not that it's any of your damn business." he looked up at me, his face blank.

"Second of all, if you're willing to give me credit for not anticipating every possiblity then give yourself some. How many times does Bobby, Tank, or I have to tell you that there was nothing you could have done to save me? It still would have happened. All of it. And even if you had shot them so that I wouldn't have the chance it still wouldn't have made this any easier, because I would be even more full of rage because you took that chance away from me and my head would be even more fucked up than it already is. So don't bother feeling guilty about not adding to your body count on my behalf. Abruzzi was necessary, but the brothers weren't and their blood is on my hands…not yours." Ranger looked away, refusing to confirm what I knew was true. I could see that his muscled torso was coiled tighter than a spring, so I gathered my courage to finally tell him what he couldn't seem to understand.

"Thirdly, I…I can't let myself. I can't let myself need you!" I couldn't help it. I started to cry. "Because….because…." I bit my lower lip and tried to stifle a sob. Ranger stood up and lifted his head, staring deep into my eyes. He looked like he was ready to face a firing squad.

"Because it's too easy! If I even give in a little bit it would just be so easy to let you take over, because I know you would stop at nothing to help me feel safe again. And if I let that happen then I would let my guard down. But safety an illusion I can't afford. You have no idea how badly I want to….how hard it is to push down the fear inside every second of the day. How badly I want to fall into your arms and pretend the world is back the way it was before! The only time the fear goes away is when you're near me. That's why!" I cried.

He wrapped his arms around me as I fell to my knees, and as we both collapsed to the floor he pulled me into his chest. I dug my nails into his back, trying to hold back the tears.

"I could lose myself in you Ranger…." I told him, taking a ragged breath. "But then I won't be able to protect myself when you aren't there. Because you can't be…no one could. I should have taken it more seriously before, but even then maybe I couldn't have even stopped it. You were the one that believed in me more than anyone else, and if I'd believed in myself more then I would never have taken so many chances and asked for your help before it was too late. But I can't go back now." I pressed my cheek to his, my mouth close to his ear.

"I'm not anyone else's responsibility Ric. Not Joe's. Not yours. If I let myself be then it's just like giving up. You can't be the one to save me. I have to save myself, or I'll still be back in that cold dark room for the rest of my life." As I spoke the last few words his whole body tensed.

"I need you Stephanie." he told me, wrapping his strong legs around me until I was completely wrapped in the warmth of his body. "I want to be what you need right now, but I don't know how."

"You can't be. You already told me that you can't. Remember? When you told me to go back to Morelli. You don't do relationships, so if I let you get close now when I need you the most and you leave again….I don't' know if I can handle it after everything else I've been through."

"I won't leave this time. I can't anymore, though I know you'd be better off. I'm a selfish man, but being with me will only put you in danger and hurt you in the end."

"Too much danger? Soul crushing pain? Really?" I laughed sardonicically. "I think that ship has already sailed." I stood up and walked across the room and leaned against the wall, suddenly exhausted. My mind drifted back to Ranger's words that night in the kitchen when the biggest worry I had in life was babysitting Lisa.

_"Men who've seen what we have, done the things we have had to do...sometimes the only thing left that scares you is getting close to something so pure and innocent. You don't want to taint it, hurt it, ruin it. You want to leave something so beautiful just as you found it, full of hope and light. It makes the darkness easier to face knowing it's still there."_

I pictured us laying on a blanket on the sand in the deep of night, his voice echoing in my head between the sounds of waves crashing on the Miami shore. _"That's what I love about you most, that you aren't like me. Everything you feel is so intense and pure. I see it in your eyes, your body, your face. I hear it in your voice. You never hide from me. There is no hardness, no darkness in you…only courage and hope. I don't want you to change or have to lead a hard life. I envy the freedom that you have…"_

"What you loved most about me is gone Ranger. Darkness. Hardness. It's all there now. I've changed. Every day of my life will be harder to live now. My freedom that you envied, my innocence…it's gone. Ruined. So go find someone else to light up your darkness, because we're both living in the shadows now." I lowered my head, trying to hide the tears streaming down my face.

Ranger stepped towards me slowly, shaking his head. "Don't say that…don't ever say that again."

"Please! Stop guilting yourself into acting like you still love me! I can't take it…" he came closer until his lips were almost brushing mine.

"Since you can't really love me like this, then let me go so that maybe by some miracle someone else will. That is if I'm not too damaged to screw that up too. In the meantime you'll just have to find a new line item in your budget for entertainment." I spat out, the other reasons I was distancing myself from him finally being said out loud. He couldn't love me anymore because I was irreparably changed. Broken. So I couldn't give him the chance to reject me this time. Yet like an idiot I'd gotten scared and run to his bed and I'd given him the opportunity to hurt me anyway.

"Wrong querida. I don't know how to tell you how wrong you are." So Ranger showed me instead. With a gentleness I'd never seen before he leaned in and kissed me, ever so gradually moving his arms around my waist to embrace me. I didn't move. He whispered "Te amo" over and over again, his lips moving at my ear then down and across my throat. I stood stiffly, unable to relax into his embrace. But he refused to give up and whispered more Spanish I didn't understand against my skin as he moved further down, kissing the cleft between my breasts. His hands roamed down behind my thighs and he gently caressed me.

I tried to look towards the ceiling so I wouldn't cry again, but failed. "Wh..what's left. What's left of me to love…" I sobbed.

"Everything." he answered back, lifting me off of the floor into his arms and carrying me to the bed. He gently placed me on it and laid down beside me, sliding his hands down my body. I couldn't hold back anymore…I wanted to believe him so badly. I curled into his body and let him wrap himself around me. He kissed me everywhere, and when his hands ever so slowly roamed towards my breasts I didn't stop him this time. He carefully pulled off my shirt and caressed both globes, filling his hands and kneading until my nipples pebbled with anticipation. I let out a long sigh and I let my body sink into the bed. Before I knew it my bra was off, and I heard him groan.

I opened my eyes to see him drinking in the sight of me, and tracing the art now that he was seeing on my body for the first time. "Bonita…perfecta." he declared in a husky voice, dipping his head to taste. As he traced his tongue across my breast his hand roamed to my inner thigh, tenderly and slowly working my legs apart. Part of me wanted to touch him too, and caress the hard length I felt against me. But I was too afraid to let go of my control. But as it turned out Ranger wasn't interested in anything but giving me pleasure. After he'd spent ample time worshipping my breasts until he could hear me panting and my nipples were tight, he slid down and began kissing his way down my stomach.

My pajama pants magically disappeared, and his lips skimmed my lace underwear so lightly I was scarcely able to feel more than his breath across my skin. He held his face there for a moment, stroking at my thighs. "Please querida…" he begged me, his tongue barely touching the delicate lace. With that I moaned and arched up into him, which was all the answer he needed. The lace was instantly moved aside and his tongue took its place, giving me a shock of pleasure that made me rise off of the bed. He held my hips down and worked his tongue in ways only he knew how, making me cry out his name.

Waves of pleasure rolled over me again and again, until every muscle in my body was tight. My hand tore at the sheets while the other ran through his hair that was spilling all across my pelvis and creating delicious sensations. When he began to speak Spanish as he laved me with his tongue I went over the edge. Stars burst behind my eyes as I came, my body shaking. The release was incredible, and I felt like I was floating above the bed. Ranger slid up next to me and pulled me into his chest, and held me tightly. I fell asleep instantly in his arms, more relaxed that I had felt since the day I had been taken away from him. His body was warm, and the last thing I remembered was the coolness of the sheets wrapping around me as I heard him say so quietly I could barely hear "Te amo. I love you."

I don't know how much time had passed, but when I awoke Ranger was gone and Kody was laying next to me instead. I sat up and found a note on the bedside table telling me that Ella had left breakfast on the table and he wouldn't be back from a high priority surveillance job until later in the evening. Thoughts started racing through my head until I noticed that the drawer on the bedside table was slightly open, and out of curiosity I opened it further. Inside was of course a gun, but also his leather wallet that he carried when he wasn't in stealth mode. It was laying open with a dog eared piece of paper sticking out of one of the pockets. It was pulled almost all the way out, practically inviting me to open it up. I unfolded it to discover the Newsweek cover. It was worn and tearing at the edges from being unfolded and folded so many times. I remembered his daughter telling me he had kept it there, but I'd forgotten all about it until this moment. I laid there for a while listening to Kody breathe, trying to sort out all the confusing thoughts and emotions. I decided to go home and let my heart lead me around for a little while, since my head was getting me nowhere. But before I left, I placed my spare apartment key next to his wallet. Maybe it was okay if some things were back the way they were before.

I was so consumed with my thoughts that I barely noticed the condoms in the bedside drawer before I shut it. But that wasn't important. What was important is that it never occurred to me until some time later that Joe and I hadn't used one.


	50. Last Words

_Well I've got a bunch of Babes mad at me for that last cliffhanger, but now I'm about to piss off the Cupcakes. Some of you doubt me at my word on that Babe HEA, but it will come eventually. I have a lot more in store first. It's been my experience that things seldom work out as you planned in life, but the surprises life holds in store for you are sometimes even better. In 2005 I lost my little girl right before I began this story to escape from the pain for a while. This week I got word that a surrogate on the other side of the globe will be carrying our child for us, and my husband and I fly out in September to make my greatest dream come true. What is not a grand sum in American money will lift this woman and her children out of poverty, give them an education, and change their lives forever too. Not every HEA is riding into the sunset towards a white picket fence with 2.5 kids and a dog, so if you are willing to accept something a little different then read on and I don't think you'll be disappointed. _

CHAPTER 50

Things got better for me after that night with Ranger, but I still didn't know what our non-relationship was and I tried hard to not let that bother me. He loved me, that much was for sure. I knew that I loved him, but we were each holding back for our own reasons. For the next three months when he wasn't working or on several business trips to South America and some other place he couldn't tell me about, he was always close by. I would run by Rangeman every morning, and he would appear around the side entrance and join me. We trained together in his gym and gun range, and I helped him and the team on everything from surveillance to distraction jobs. And there were a few nights he was in my bed or I came to his, but we simply slept in each other's arms.

There were definitely moments I wanted sleeping together to mean a lot more than just sleep, but I was still so afraid of having him and losing him that I kept a safe distance between us. I could feel how much he wanted me too, but he was patient and never crossed the invisible boundary lines between us. He still pulled me out behind the bonds office and kissed me senseless, still touched me in ways that made me shiver and feel overwhelming desire. But every time I wanted to let the control slide and signal him it was okay to go further, a voice in my head would caution me. Even if I let him love me and he didn't leave, he had told me time and again it would still end badly somehow. Instead I took what I could get and let him be my best friend, hoping that things wouldn't change and it could just stay this way forever. But I knew that it wasn't enough and would never satisfy me completely. I wanted more, but he had made it clear it was something that could never exist between us. I'd had enough loneliness and wanted something that I could call family someday…and that was something he said he could never give me.

Because of my new skills I was actually invited far more often to join into Rangeman operations, and found myself working almost half the time with the team instead of on my own. By the third month I broke even on my income, and no longer needed to dip into my savings to pay for a small portion of my rent. My confidence grew and I took on more challenging skips. I felt like a real bounty hunter now, and managed to not roll around in garbage or wrestle with a fat naked guy even once. Well there was one fat naked woman, but that hardly counts because she tried to dive into a pond to escape and thought her clothes would weigh her down. Kody is a good swimmer.

There were moments around the conference room table where I was shocked to realize that everyone was interested in my opinion on the plan despite my inexperience compared to the military muscle around me. I still caught most of my skips all by myself, but lately all the action seemed to be tiring me out easily. But I kept up the pace, and just took vitamins and tried to eat more healthfully. Ranger was pleased, but I told him not to get any ideas because it wasn't going to last longer than it took for me to get my energy back.

I told myself it was all the stress from being so hyper-vigilant while I was working, and that I needed to have some fun. I signed up for some belly dancing classes again, and made a conscious effort to have nights out with the girls as well as nights out with the guys. James and I would have movie nights after we did training drills with Kody, and he always made sure it was a side splitting comedy. Joe and I shared an occasional meatball sub at Pino's, and it was friendly and the conversation was warm without getting uncomfortable. I found myself hoping he would meet someone, because I wanted him to be happy so badly. Almost as badly as I wanted to be, but I tried not to think about the future. But late at night I couldn't help myself. The nights Ranger didn't appear, I would lay awake wondering if things would stay like this. If this was as good as it would get, or if I could really have something more. I sometimes longed for the days I felt carefree, but that was in another time in another life that seemed worlds apart from where I was now. But then the day came that I no longer had to wonder, because once again my world changed forever.

…

"Run faster Lula! He's gaining on you." I yelled at her, running alongside. Lula looked panicked, or at least her eyes did from between the eyeholes in the foam bite suit she wore.

"At least make it challenging for the critter!" James yelled from behind us where he'd just released Kodiak's leash 100 yards back.

"I've changed my mind…get this thing off of me!" she yelped, running even faster.

"I thought you said you wanted to help me with catching my skips? You said you were feeling left out!"

"Yeah but this is not what I thought you meant!" That's all she was able to get out before she was tackled by Kody and landed face down into the dirt.

"Great! The screaming is really realistic…good for training." I told her while Kody drug her across the ground by her left leg.

"Aaaaaaah! It's trying to eat me!" she screamed.

"Aus! Lass es!" I commanded him, and he detached his jaws from Lula's thigh reluctantly. Lula stood up and dusted herself off then ripped the suit off, revealing not nearly enough poison green spandex.

"I'm traumatized…I think I might pass out from all that running." she gasped. I tried to talk her into sticking around, but she insisted that she needed to get a cheeseburger to recover. Her rear wheels spun when she pulled her Firebird out of the parking lot.

James and I had been meeting at the park two to three times a month to train Kody, and except for today and the one time we had Grandma Mazur hide in the woods for Kody to find, it had just been the two of us. He always made me laugh and we had fun, but took the training very seriously. He was as effective at commanding Kody as I was now, and we had been able to teach him new skills and commands together. He even went to the trouble of helping build an obstacle course and used his police connections to get very small samples of drugs and explosives for Kody to practice sniffing out. There were already a few jobs at Rangeman we had used him on, and due to the intimidation factor he never had to actually attack anyone because his size and snarling was enough to get some of the pretty scary skips to willingly comply. James was even looking into if Kody could join with local search and rescue teams to help track lost people.

I was already feeling tired again, and we had barely gotten started today. It was still pretty cold outside, but most of the ice from a recent storm had melted. The ground was still frozen so it wasn't too muddy yet. I was eternally grateful that Rangeman had a hose in the parking garage that put out hot water for when it did thaw and get muddy, because it made bathing Kody infinitely easier. I zipped my jacket up because it was starting to get colder and walked over to where James was reviewing basic commands with Kody. He gave him the command to run alongside and he started to jog my direction, but suddenly fell forward and landed hard.

"James! Are you okay?" I ran over and knelt down next to him.

"No…I think I'm hurt bad." he said, rolling over and moaning.

"Oh my god! What happened? Where are you injured?" I asked, scanning his body for any signs of injury and putting my hand on his shoulder.

"I can't feel my legs." he said with a smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners and winking at me. I punched him in the shoulder.

"You scared me!" I told him, plopping down on the ground next to him. I was so relieved…I should have known he was pulling a fast one.

"Aww…the lady cares about me after all." he gave me a handsome grin. "There was a bit of a hole in the ground over there and the steel tip of my leg got caught. I just tripped, but nice to see you're so concerned."

"Of course I care. You know that right?" I asked him, puzzled by his choice of words. Didn't he know how much his help had meant to me? "I can't tell you how much I appreciate all you've done helping me with Kody. It would have been so hard to do it alone." I said sincerely, turning on my side and propping myself up on an elbow to face him. He did the same.

"I know that Stephanie. But there's no need to thank me. You've done more for me than you know. I don't know if I would have been given the chance for all that fieldwork at Rangeman without him, but it gave me the opportunity to show them I could keep up and be on equal ground with the rest of them. They even have me going on an operation with a few of the boys next week without the critter. When we work together, Steph I…" he trailed off, dropping his face to the ground and tracing his finger in the dirt like he was trying to decide if he should continue. "I think less about what might have been if the crash had never happened when I'm with you, cause I do get down about it from time to time. Seeing you reminds me how we can rise above what happens to us in this life…and I have more hope." he said, lifting his face to stare at me with an intensity I hadn't seen before from him.

"You still wish you were back on the force don't you?" I asked, seeing sadness in his expression at the question.

"You know I do, but in the meantime I can't think of anything else I'd rather be doing. The thing about it is…after it happened I somehow felt like less of a man because of it. But that changed when I met you." he said, his voice turning huskier and placing his hand gently on top of mine. I was surprised to find that I didn't mind, and I felt a warmth spread through me at his touch.

"Thank you for making me laugh again James." I responded, lifting my eyes to meet his. "I always have so much fun around you, and when I'm with you then I don't think so much about what might have been either." I meant it. I was always happy when I was with him. He was so easy to talk to and I could always count on him. As I looked into his eyes and he leaned in closer it was like I was seeing him for the first time.

"I love to see you laugh Stephanie. God you're beautiful when you laugh." he said in a low voice right before he pressed his lips to mine. The kiss sent a charge through me, and I kissed him back. His strong arms went around me, and as I rolled backwards his broad chest came down on top of me, our lips never parting. His kiss was passionate, and when he finally pulled away I was breathless. He still held me closely, our faces only inches apart.

"I've wanted to do that since the first moment I saw you." he confessed, and I could feel his heart pounding.

"James…I don't think you want to get involved with me. There are things you don't know about me. I'm pretty messed up, and I don't want to hurt you." I told him, instantly shocked by how much that sounded like something Ranger would say to me. That thought disturbed me greatly. I suddenly realized that if I didn't give myself the chance then I would wind up just like him, alone and not doing relationships. James was a good man and I had been too wrapped up in my own world to notice him this entire time, or notice him noticing me.

"Why don't you let me decide that." he murmured as he kissed my cheek and ran his fingers through my hair. "Look gorgeous…I know you've got some skeletons in your closet. I went back and read the papers and asked around a bit. Thinking about what you went through makes me sick to my stomach and so angry I don't know what to do with myself. I can't imagine what it was like and don't want to." he said, his lips brushing my ear.

"I didn't realize you knew." I responded, wondering how long he had known the details of my life before and after the kidnapping. I immediately felt vulnerable, but he seemed to pick up on it and met my eyes as he spoke, his Irish accent getting thicker with the intensity of his words.

"After I saw your face that night at the coffee house I couldn't stop thinking about you. I knew you were something special, and all I could think about was how much I just wanted to see you smile and laugh again like you did the first time I met you. I know what a flashback looks like. I knew that something horrible must have happened to you and that it had to be much, much worse than whatever happened in that warehouse that night. After I did some research I asked Bobby about you, because I couldn't believe you could be the same person. The woman I see before me is still standing and stronger than any woman I've ever met, and that's nothing short of amazing in my book." he told me, and I could tell he was sincere.

"I don't know what to say…" I whispered, my heart pounding next to his.

"Say you'll go out with me then. I'm falling for you hard Stephanie." James muttered, kissing me again. I felt electricity go through me, and when he pulled away I was surprised to find that I was disappointed.

"I'm scared I'll hurt you." I told him, my voice trembling. I was just as scared that he could hurt me if I let him get close.

"Love means pain Stephanie. You can't have one without the other, but I promise you it's worth it." he declared, his finger tips tracing the curve of my waist.

"I don't know if I'm ready…" I muttered, distracted by the fire I felt where his fingers grazed me.

"Look…I know that there's something between you and Ranger. He sure doesn't like the way I look at you. And I'll step aside if that's what you want. But you'll have to pardon me for saying… any man who doesn't want to be with you every single day and night and doesn't have words with a man who's undressing you with his eyes is not a man worth waiting for in my humble opinion."

"You undressed me with your eyes?" I grinned. He blushed.

"Those distraction outfits you wear leave just enough to the imagination that I can't help but start imagining. I'm a gentleman, but you are indeed a stunning woman." he said, his voice deepening and his hands wandering down to my hip.

"I'll think about it. But I'm warning you…I'm pretty lost in my life right now and not even sure what I want."

"Well whatever it is you want, you deserve it. But you've got to give yourself a chance to have it. Give me a chance to surprise you." he pleaded, his lips brushing my ear and sending a rush of heat straight to the promised land.

"Okay." I managed, running my hand up his muscled arm to rest on his shoulder.

"Thank heavens…if you turned me down I would have been so devastated that I would have told Kody here to attack me and put me out of my misery." he said with a mischievous grin. That made me laugh, and he silenced it with another searing kiss. He pulled away and rose to his feet, extending his hand to help me up.

"Come on to my car then gorgeous…I've got a surprise for you that I think you'll like." I grabbed his hand, and he started to pull me up. I was suddenly overcome by a wave of dizziness and felt like I might pass out, but his grip was firm and he kept me from falling over.

"Stephanie! Are you alright? I've never made a woman swoon before." he joked, but his face was full of concern.

"I'm fine…that was strange. I've been tired lately, so maybe I'm just coming down with something." I took a few deep breaths and he held me tightly until it passed. He kept one arm wrapped solidly around my waist as he led me towards his car, with Kody at my other side. I grabbed a hand onto the fur on his neck to help steady myself.

"Let me drive you home then so you can rest. You've simply been working too hard. I'll bring you some chicken soup and anything else you need to make a full recovery, so I can take you out to dinner this weekend." he said, giving my waist a small squeeze. "I can have one of the guys drop off your car at your place." I saw how troubled he was by my fainting spell, and in that moment I decided to let him take care of me. Let him surprise me.

He sat me down in the passenger seat, and signaled me to wait. I could see he was full of anticipation as he went to get something out of the trunk. "Now close your eyes beautiful." I complied, and momentarily felt something heavy drape over my legs. "Now open them up and take a gander." I heard him say with excitement.

I looked down and saw a heavy waterproof black fabric that looked familiar, and noticed that was lining a quarter inch of some kind of firm filling in between the layers. It reminded me of my bullet proof vest, but it was huge and the arm holes were larger and in odd places. I turned it over and as I saw the embroidery and it dawned on me what it was.

"Oh James! Really?" I exclaimed. Kodiak's name was on one side, and the Rangeman logo was on the other.

"They only make them to fit regular size German Shepherd police dogs, so it took a little convincing. But I turned on the charm and they made one custom." he told me, grinning ear to ear. "Ella stitched his name and the logo on there for me."

"Thank you so much! This means so much to me…" I was filled with relief, knowing that Kody would stand a better chance at survival. We'd sent him in first to search a few buildings on Rangeman jobs, and though I knew it was better than one of us going in it still had my stomach tied up in knots until he returned.

I jumped up and threw my arms around his neck to thank him, but as soon as I did I started to pass out again and felt like I was going to throw up. He caught me and guided me back down to the seat, making sure I didn't hit my head on the door frame. My vision was blurry, but when he leaned the back of the seat all the way down my head started to clear.

"Stephanie! Stephanie! Say something…" he pleaded, rubbing his hands up and down my shoulders and leaning over me.

"I'm fine…I don't know why what just happened. I guess I just need to rest." I said sleepily.

"Rest nothing. I'm taking you to the hospital to get checked out." he said decisively, putting his cell phone to his ear. I was too dazed to protest, and he locked Kody up in the back of the Tahoe. I heard him telling Tank to pick the vehicle up and bring Kody back to Rangeman. Something in James expression told me not to argue with him, so I curled up in the seat as he sped to the emergency room.

….

The doctor had James wait outside the hospital room as he gave me a physical exam, and insisted that he was going to run a blood panel once it was over since nothing else seemed off aside from the fainting spell. James kept me company in the room during the long wait it took for the results to come back. It seemed like an eternity until he returned, but James kept telling me lame jokes to keep the mood light.

"Miss Plum, I think we've found the problem." the doctor said, looking over at James and shifting uncomfortably. "Would this be your significant other?" he asked me. James took the cue and got up to leave the room and give me some privacy.

"Not yet." he smiled, shutting the door.

The doctor's voice was neutral and his tone professional, and he cleared his throat before he began. "Miss Plum…the nurse asked you earlier if you could be pregnant and you told her no. However, your test results would indicate that you are. When was the last time you've had intercourse?" he asked me.

"More than three months ago." I stammered, my mind starting to spin. Joe. Joe and I. Oh god….

"I'm going to get a technician down here to give you a sonogram and see how the pregnancy has progressed. I'll also recommend an obstetrician for a consult." he offered. "Do you have any questions for me?"

"No." my voice was barely a whisper. When the doctor exited James came back in, and after he saw my face he started to look very worried.

"You're white as a sheet Stephanie. What's wrong?" he asked me, reaching for my hand. I let him hold it but I just stared at the wall in shock.

"Please…just tell me you're going to be okay. You're scaring me. What can I do?" he pleaded, squeezing my hand.

I turned to look at him. "Get Joe. I don't care what he's doing or where he is. Tell him to get here now." I said, my voice flat. James looked confused and let go of my hand, but nodded and left the room to go make some phone calls.

While I waited my mind raced, and I started to realize that I'd been having other symptoms that I'd just dismissed. I felt overwhelmed. I had no idea what I was going to do now. My life was confusing enough and this was not at all something I had planned for. I wanted a baby but this is not at all how I thought it would happen or when. It wasn't long before the technician came in and put some cold gel on my stomach and started up the machine. I just laid there, still in shock. But then I heard it. The heartbeat. As tears started to stream out of my eyes the door opened and Joe walked in.

I could tell he was on duty, and had dropped everything to come. He looked worried, then he noticed the technician. He looked at me in confusion, looked at the monitor, then froze the second he heard it too. "Cupcake?" he questioned.

"I don't suppose you used a condom and this is immaculate conception?" I asked, unsure of what to say.

He stood there stunned, comprehension finally dawning across his face. He came over next to me and took my hand, breathing in deeply as he watched the monitor and saw the tiny form it revealed. Then I saw him smile in a way I had never seen before.

"All done. I'll take these images and forward them to the OB for the consult. It should take about 30 minutes. But from what I can see the baby is healthy with a strong heartbeat, and looks like you are about 14 weeks along." she told us, wiping the gel off of my stomach and turning off the machine. She handed Joe a printout of one of the images, and he sat and stared at it until the technician wheeled the equipment out of the room.

"Joe…it didn't even occur to me that night…I had stopped taking all my medication after…" I stammered.

"I didn't either, so don't put this on yourself. We were both a little too wrapped up in the moment and everything that happened…" he said, staring at the photo again. He raised his head to meet my eyes and I was surprised to see that his eyes were glistening.

"Look Steph…I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. But whatever you decide I'll support you." he told me, but his face told me everything. He hoped I would keep the baby.

"I don't know what to do." I said, the tears rolling down my cheeks.

He wiped them away gently with his scarred hand. "Well for starters I know you won't marry me and let me make you an honest woman…so that's ruled out." he responded with a crooked smile. I relaxed a little and smiled back through the tears. "But if you decide to go ahead with it then know that you can count on me for anything. I'll always be here for you...for all of us." he told me, his voice cracking almost imperceptibly at the end.

Forty five minutes later we walked outside the ER entrance. I had a bag full of prenatal vitamin samples from the obstetrician and a pile of pamphlets, with an appointment scheduled for the following week. James was waiting out by the exit, and signaled to me that he was going to pull the car around. Before he turned around I saw the confusion and concern written all over his face. I had no idea what I was going to say to him when I got back into his car.

Joe and I sat down on a bench just outside the ambulance emergency entrance in silence. Joe opened his mouth to say something, but stopped cold. I saw his eyes narrow and his body tense as he stood up from the bench. "Get back behind the pillar. Now!" he commanded with a sudden urgency in his voice. Something about the way he said it made me immediately comply. As I got behind the concrete support pillar to the ambulance bay I turned to see what had alarmed him. There was a small four door sedan speeding and weaving directly towards us. Instinct led me to reach for my handgun but then I remembered that I had unintentionally left everything in the Tahoe at the park earlier in my semi-conscious state.

The car suddenly slammed on its brakes and hit the curb right in front of the ambulance bay, and the bumper clipped the bench right where I had been sitting. The driver suddenly got out and ran around to the rear passenger side and dragged out what looked like a lifeless body. The driver was just a teenager, and as he pulled the body out I saw the face of another boy that couldn't be more than 16. His lips were blue, and there were needle tracks in his arm.

"C'mon let's go! Leave him! Hurry!" a young male voice yelled from the passenger seat. The driver ran back around the front bumper to get in the car to speed away, but he was stopped in his tracks by Joe standing there holding his badge. The kid looked scared. As Joe started issuing commands I turned and ran inside the ER entrance to let them know about the boy lying on the ground that was dead or dying.

The nurse grabbed the stretcher and as we hurried outside. When the doors opened I was shocked to see the driver holding a small handgun raised and waving in the air. Joe was behind the car with his gun drawn.

"Drop the weapon! Drop it!" Joe yelled, glancing at me as I stood there in horror. "Stephanie get behind the pillar!" he yelled, taking his eyes off of the suspect's hands. I went behind the pillar. The driver turned to look at me and as he did the gun he had been waving wildly at the sky turned my direction. Then I heard the shot. Then another. I didn't know how many. I saw the boy slide down the side of the car, firing off one last shot that hit the pillar above my head. Joe ran forward and leaned down, securing the gun in his waistband and backing up. He began yelling out commands for the passenger to get out, his weapon at the ready position.

"Put your hands up and turn your back to me! Walk backwards toward me! Keep your hands where I can see them!" Joe roared. The kid initially did as he was told. I heard the sound of metal clicking on pavement and saw James run up to Joe's side with his gun drawn and ready. A nurse started to come out of the entrance with a stretcher, but James told her to get back. The kid suddenly took off running, and James gave chase. The driver lay bleeding on the ground, no longer a threat. Joe stepped forward carefully to clear the inside of the vehicle and make sure no other passengers were hiding in the back. Once the vehicle was secure he holstered his weapon and walked towards me.

But he didn't make it that far. He fell to his knees. I could see blood pouring from his side and dripping down his arm. I heard myself scream, and I ran to him. I yelled at the nurse and she ran inside to get more help.

"Joe..Oh God no! Please!" I begged, cradling his head in my lap. His eyes flickered and his breathing slowed. "Joe! Don't you dare die on me! Please no!" I tried to hold pressure over the wound, but it was useless.

His voice was weak. "Morelli men abuse their women and die young. Looks like I won't break the chain completely after all." He opened his eyes wide and it seemed like he was looking at something distant, and a look of peace came over his face. Then his eyes met mine and he spoke his last words. "Don't name him after me." he said, and I felt him go limp in my arms.


	51. Greater Love Hath No Man Than This

_So I just got back from a road trip driving across the state, but I made a special stop in Ranger, Tx just for kicks. Not a whole lot there other than a gas station, but it gave me a thrill. I played lots of sad music to help me compose my next chapter. I appreciate everyone's reviews and feedback, and ya'll seem to be along for the ride with my latest twist so hang on for more. Thanks to Akasha617 who gave me some ideas for this chapter in her wonderful stories._

_I can write a police officer's funeral well because I've been to one, and it was the most awful and beautiful experience all at the same time and I hope to never have to do it again. Officers die in the line of duty almost every day and it has been a deadly year, just as it has been for our soldiers overseas. Please go to the Officer Down Memorial page __.org__ and post a message honoring an officer down in your local area._

_ ~CarpeFicNDiem (AKA Tahara)_

CHAPTER 51

I don't know how much time passed but it had been a few hours. James and a Carl and Eddie had lifted me up and dragged me away from where Joe's body had lain. I was sitting on a bench nearby still completely catatonic, though earlier I had managed to answer the homicide detective's questions in one word sentences. The homicide detective had worked at the desk across from Joe's for the past few years, and was trying not to cry the entire time he questioned me. There was a sea of uniforms surrounding us, keeping the public and media away and standing at attention. Many of them were crying or trying not to. Several I knew had tried to comfort me for over an hour, but my lack of response eventually made even the most persistent leave me alone.

I was still covered in his blood. Joe was in front of a hospital. A level one trauma center. And even then they couldn't save him. The single bullet that had hit him had gone in between the small gap in his vest on the side and nicked his aorta. They said that it was astounding that he'd managed to stay conscious and live as long as he did because the injury was unrecoverable.

The boy that killed him was dead from the six shots where Joe had hit him dead center of his chest. Their "friend" that had overdosed was dead 15 minutes before they even drove him to the hospital because they were all so high they didn't notice or care. The passenger was under arrest, but was getting treatment for his injuries. That was because when James came back with him in cuffs and froze in shock when he saw me holding Joe's lifeless body, I'd taken the chance to attack the boy with unbridled vengeance. The backup officers arrived in time to pull me off before I did too much permanent damage.

James finally came and sat next to me after he'd finished with the field interviews and met with the Chief, and I'd heard the Detective tell him we were both free to go. We sat there in silence because there was nothing to say that could change anything. He handed me a wet washcloth and set of scrubs he'd gotten from the nurses to help clean the blood off and dispose of my clothes before the ride home with him. He also held the white plastic bag with the vitamins and pamphlets in his hand, but the drawstring on the top was closed so he probably hadn't seen what was inside. He looked at me. His eyes were rimmed red and he looked in shock, worried, guilty, and devastated all at the same time.

A million thoughts raced through my head as tears streamed relentlessly out of my eyes. But the whole time I tried to just breathe deeply and not lose my mind or scream until my throat was raw, because one thought rose above all of them. I can't lose this baby. This is all of Joe that I have left. That anyone has left. Every time I repeated those words in my head I would picture the way he smiled when he realized it was his child growing inside me, and I would let out a sob.

The crowd of uniforms parted and out of the corner of my eye I saw a black clad figure walking quickly towards me. I felt myself being picked up and carried. I curled into the familiar scent and just tried to focus on breathing in and out and didn't look at the dozens of crying officers as we passed by them. I felt myself being gently laid into a soft leather seat, and I focused on the sound of the engine and the smell of the leather as he drove me home. I was picked up and carried up all the flights of stairs until I was set down softly into a chair. I heard the sound of water running.

He picked me up and carried me into the bathroom, then sat me on the sink. He pulled off my pants, then slid my blood stained shirt off of my head and put them into a plastic trash bag. I barely noticed as he stripped himself bare, and pulled me up next to him. He took off my bra and panties and pulled me to him tightly as he lifted me and placed me in the shower stall next to him. He held me so close that I could hear his heartbeat while the water ran down us both and turned pink as it went down the drain. We stood that way for a while before he took the shampoo and worked it through my shoulder length hair. He took a sponge and body wash and gently scrubbed the dried blood off of my torso and legs then held me under the water until it was rinsed off.

The water turned off and I felt a towel being wrapped around me, and he wrapped another around his waist. He picked me up and carried me to the bed and sat me on the edge. I felt a brush running gently through my hair and it being tied back with his leather thong. The towel disappeared and was quickly replaced with an oversized Rangeman T-shirt going over my head. The sheets were peeled back and I felt myself being pulled down towards my pillow. He got in next to me and pulled me to him. He didn't let go until I finally stopped weeping and the exhaustion put me to sleep.

…..

Ranger propped me up in bed, and set a tray of food in my lap. I didn't smell it or taste it, but just as I had every time I ate it anyway and took some of my regular vitamins because it was good for Joe's baby. Our baby. Two days had passed, and he hadn't left me alone for more than five minutes. He slept next to me when I slept, held me when I cried, and sat wordlessly next to me when I stared at the wall. It was late in the evening on the second day when one of us finally said something.

"When is the funeral?" I asked him, my voice scratchy from disuse.

"Tomorrow morning at 10am. I have a limo coming. The driver will wait out front for 8 hours if you decide to go, go later, or not go at all."

"I'm going."

The next morning when it was time to get dressed, he laid out a modest black dress from my closet onto the bed. I told him that Joe would want me to wear something a little sexier, but not so much that it appeared disrespectful. He nodded and laid out a wrap dress with a lower neckline. He left the room and I put it on over the sexiest black lace lingerie I had, complete with garters and silk stockings and three inch heels. I looked in the mirror for the first time in three days and decided Joe would have liked it. I managed not to cry as I put some makeup on my blotchy face and swollen eyes. It took thirty minutes but I finally got my hair looking presentable. A few swipes of waterproof mascara and I decided this was as good as I would be able to look.

Ranger walked me down to the waiting limo. Behind it were six black SUV's loaded with every employee of Rangeman save a few, and each were dressed in black suits, shirts, and ties just like Ranger was.

When we got close to the civic center officers from three other police departments directed us through the traffic and into the parking lot. Officers from neighboring jurisdictions were out in force so that every Trenton officer that had ever even met Joe could attend. One entire side of the parking lot was full of squad cars from all over the Jersey area. There was a row of about 25 police motorcycles lining the circle drive in front of the main entrance.

They had wanted to hold it at a church, but had to face the fact that there wasn't one big enough to hold all of the people attending. Everyone was in their dress uniforms, whether it was police or some of his old Navy buddies. I had never seen so many people gathered in one place to honor someone's life and mourn their death, and it lifted me up somehow and made it a little easier to walk down the aisle to the seats that were being held for me on the front row. I was already crying and everyone turned to look at me. My family was seated a few rows behind and my mother touched my hand as we walked by and told me she loved me. As I sat down I looked over and saw Joe's mother across the aisle. She was crying too, and we held each other's eyes for a moment. She mouthed the words "thank you" and I was undone.

The service was the most heartbreaking and beautiful thing I had ever seen. The music was moving, and there was an entire honor guard in kilts playing Amazing Grace on the bagpipes. The Chief spoke and called Joe a true hero, and the kind of man and officer that everyone should aspire to. He promised that his sacrifice would never be forgotten. There were two eulogies, perfectly done by those who knew him well. The minister spoke and offered prayers of comfort, but I felt none in spite of his well chosen words. Memories of Joe played in my head like a movie reel the entire time, and my heart split in two knowing that his child would never get to meet him. But I promised myself I would do everything to show our child who their father was, and hoped that somehow he would still be watching over us.

The time came for everyone to walk by the casket to pay their final respects before he was taken to the cemetery for the internment. I felt like I was going to throw up, but Ranger stroked me up and down my back and supported my shoulders while I breathed deeply. I wrapped my arm around his broad shoulder and he kept his tightly around my waist because I could barely take a step without him supporting me. When I got to the casket and stood in front of Joe's family I wept uncontrollably and then collapsed. It was Joe. But Joe wasn't there anymore. I must have passed out because the next thing I knew I felt Ranger picking me up and carrying me out to the limousine.

The procession of cars to the cemetery was several miles long, and along three overpasses there were fire engines and trucks from local departments positioned on the bridge. Firefighters were standing in dress uniform saluting, and American flags were draped from the extended aerial ladders. I waited in the limo at the cemetery because I couldn't bear to see them put him in the ground. I saw the casket draped with a flag as well while the pallbearers walked by the side window, and James was walking behind it holding the reins of a riderless horse. His eyes looked towards the limo, offering me comfort even though he couldn't see me through the dark tinting. He was in dress uniform as well, his chest covered with more medals than any of the others. As the service started I rolled the window down just a crack, so I could hear the minister speak the words I had asked him to. I had no words that were enough to offer, so I borrowed from a poem by William Wordsworth that I had read back in the days I went to high school with a young Joseph Morelli.

_What though the radiance which was once so bright_

_Be now for ever taken from my sight,_

_Though nothing can bring back the hour_

_Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;_

_We will grieve not, rather find_

_Strength in what remains behind;_

_In the primal sympathy_

_Which having been must ever be;_

_In the soothing thoughts that spring_

_Out of human suffering;_

_In the faith that looks through death._

When the honor guard fired their rifles in a final salute, I told Ranger to take me home.


	52. Fighting for Life

_So sorry about the delay in writing another chapter…life has kept me too busy these days to devote the time I wanted to writing. I haven't had a break in training and have been learning emergency driving over the weekends, driving backwards at 25 mph through a slalom course among other faster forward maneuvers. In between I'm busy running for the orange cones the other recruits knocked over in 112 degree heat on the asphalt. Then my instructor beat the crap out of me in front of my classmates during role play training to make his point, before I was assured that I could fight back and nothing but the neck was off limits without consequence. So tomorrow we are doing full on scenario training in a warehouse with guns that shoot rubber bullets that are far more painful than a paintball can aspire to, and my instructor has the fool idea in his head that I'm afraid to fight. His mistake, because I plan on knocking his teeth out if he gives me the opportunity. Wish me luck….and here is some *SMUT* for the meantime. _

_~CarpeFicNDiem (AKA: Tahara)_

CHAPTER 52

When I opened the door to my apartment my senses were assaulted with the smell of flowers. Apparently Ranger had someone pick all the ones up that had been delivered to my parent's house since no one knew my actual address anymore. There were arrangements from everyone that cared about me, and Lula and Connie and Mary Lou's giant arrangement dwarfed the others. There was even a small vase with a few half dead looking carnations from Vinnie. You had to give him credit for the sentiment though. The last one shocked me most of all. It was a single white orchid with a card signed by Terry Gilman that said "It was you. It was always you that he loved."

I felt incredibly thirsty, probably because I had been crying almost non-stop for days. I grabbed some water then I dropped a few hamster nuggets in Rex's cage. I walked over and sank down into my couch with exhaustion. Ranger took off his coat and tie and laid them on the dining table before he sat down beside me.

"Thank you. I don't know if I could have gotten through it without you." I told him.

"Anything you need. Wish I could do more." he said gently.

"You don't have to stay. I'll be okay. I have to be okay. Joe would have wanted it that way." I said softly.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked. His voice was warm, but his face revealed nothing.

"No…but I can't make you stay here until it stops hurting because I guess that's going to wind up being a really long time. He was my first love." I explained. A paranoid part of me feared it was also my last.

While I wanted to tell him about the baby, I knew wasn't really ready to tell anyone. I wanted to keep it a secret for just a little while to adjust to everything before the word started getting out. I had some decisions to make in order to figure out how I was going to work my life around this. But also I wanted it to still be a secret that belonged to Joe and I before it became everyone else's business. I somehow felt he would be there with me guiding me while I worked it out. My clothes were a little more snug but I had a few more weeks before I was going to start showing a bit. I thought what it would be like telling Joe's family. My family. The officers he was closest to. It made my stomach turn from the fear and pressure of it and I felt like throwing up. I leaned forward and put my head between my knees while Ranger rubbed soothing circles into my back.

"How long?" I asked him, standing up and walking into the kitchen.

"I have a business trip late tomorrow, but I can stay the night." he answered. "But Bobby and the guys will come check on you, and there are a lot of people asking to see you. James says Kody is missing you."

"No…I mean…how long will it hurt this much." I said, my voice cracking. "I just want to know how long before I can ever feel good again." The tears came again and I started trembling.

He came up and wrapped his arms around me and held me. I settled into the warmth of his arms, and rubbed my hands along the hard muscles of his chest. He smelled incredible.

"Stay the night." He didn't respond other than to pick me up and carry me over to the bed. I curled up into him like I had for the past few nights, but this time I was aware of his presence. I took in his scent, and used my fingertips to trace the skin on his neck and jaw. When I untied the leather thong around his hair and let it down so I could run my fingers through it he tensed.

I remembered the first night I thought I had lost Joe forever. It was the night of his almost-proposal when I had rescued Libby. I remembered how devastated I was when I got on the plane to Miami. I thought I had lost him then, but I had no idea until now what that really felt like. Ranger was there for me then. I remembered how good he made me feel that night on the beach, and even though it was only one night I had felt hope for the future again.

I wanted to feel that way again so badly. I kissed him, but I felt him freeze in place. I tried again, pressing myself to him…but he didn't respond. "What's wrong?"

"I am an opportunist, but I'm not enough of an ass to take complete advantage of you when you're this vulnerable." he answered firmly, pushing me away from him slightly.

"You won't be taking advantage. I want this." I sighed, exasperated before the conversation even began.

"I do too. But you're grieving, and as much as I would do anything to make you feel better it's not right." he answered, laying back and running a hand through his hair.

"When is it ever right Ranger? You're the one who said there will never be a right time for us, or an us at all. So if I'm trying to find a way to feel good for just a little while shouldn't the opportunist in you give me the opportunity? I mean…anything between us would just end sooner rather than later right? So I might as well take from you what I can get sooner when I need you rather than later when I don't hurt so bad that it feels like the ground is going to swallow me up!" Somewhere mid-rant I had gotten up off the bed and was over at the dresser, ripping off my necklace and earrings and throwing my heels in the general vicinity of the closet.

He sat up in the bed and leaned against some pillows, breathing deep. "So I should just provide you my stud services whenever you're in pain, then walk away?"

I walked over and slapped him. Hard. He didn't react other than his jaw tensing. I stared at my hand, shocked at what I had done. I fell down to my knees and put my head in his lap. "God I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did that…I feel like I'm going crazy. You've been so good to me and I don't want to take advantage of you." I cried.

"Shhhhh….don't cry querida." he soothed, pulling me back up into his arms. "I know you hurt." he offered, brushing his hand gently up and down my arm. "And you are a little crazy too." I didn't have to look to know the corner of his mouth was pulled up in an almost grin.

"I'm so, so sorry. I'm just so full of all these emotions and fears, and I have so many decisions to make I'm just overwhelmed."

"What decisions? Tell me what you're afraid of." he urged me, pulling me up next to him and kissing my forehead.

I sighed, not sure how much I could safely tell him. I decided to keep it simple. "Well I guess the biggest thing is I've decided that it's very important that I take a break from fieldwork for at least six months. I need to. I may go back to skip tracing after a while, but in the meantime I've got to figure out a way to make some money without making myself miserable. The job market sucks for someone with a business degree and a background in lingerie sales, and bounty hunter skills don't exactly translate into alternative career fields."

"Don't worry about that Babe. Work for me full time at Rangeman. I'm overworked on the administrative end anyway and could use some help. You've got the experience to help in contract negotiation for me, which is taking up too much of my time now that our size is increasing. I'm needed in Miami more now because we have a command changeover and some employee turnover because of bunch of my men got called back to Afghanistan on active duty, and some of the jobs they were supposed to be on are heating up at the same time. You can also help with our tactical planning now, and surveillance, background investigations, and the control room are always options too. There's no shortage of work." Ranger offered. "And we have an excellent benefits package." he said, kissing me on the lips.

True…he had an excellent package. When I came back to my senses I was relieved, but concerned about accepting his generosity. I wanted to be able to stand on my own two feet, and wondered if I would really be an asset. "Ranger…I appreciate your offer but I don't want you taking pity on me. It's critical that I be independent, and as much as I need your help I don't want to be a drain on your resources."

"Babe." he shook his head. "I'm your friend, but I'm successful because I'm a businessman first. You're a valuable addition to the team. And I'm not even talking about the mutt and distraction jobs you've done, which by my estimations have saved me $200,000 this year alone in property loss, personal injury, and worker's compensation claims. My assurances likely won't convince you that you are qualified, but you know I am a man of my word and I don't do flattery." he said with certainty.

"Thank you…I don't want to let you down. But I'd be stupid not to take you up on the offer." Maybe he didn't pity me…and I'd gone quite a while without destroying or blowing up one of his cars after all. I'd been feeling confident lately, but in the past few days with my world being shattered again I had felt small and useless so my confidence was gone. But also a voice in my head told me that now was the time to think practically, and I would definitely need a benefits package with medical insurance. And I was infinitely grateful he didn't seem to question why I wanted the break from fieldwork.

"Come in to work whenever you are ready, and I'll have a contract ready for you to sign." he promised.

"Thank you. That's one worry taken care of." I smiled up at him.

"So what's the next one?" he asked me.

"I don't think I'm ready to talk about it yet…but I will tell you when I am. I think I just have to sort things out in my head first." I told him, turning away.

"Take all the time you need. I promise you that you'll get through this. You're a fighter." he encouraged me, tilting my head back towards him.

"Okay." I smiled at him. Along with the relief I felt, the exhaustion crept in and I yawned.

"You need to rest. I need to borrow your shower, so slip into something more comfortable and then I'll fix you an early dinner." he said, kissing me before he stood and walked towards the bathroom.

After he shut the bathroom door I walked to my closet and untied the strips of fabric at the waist of the wrap dress. I had to hurry because with my apartment being one giant room the only place there was any privacy was the bathroom, and Ranger didn't need nearly as much time I as I did to shower. As I hung up the dress and reached for a cotton shirt and shorts I noticed the box in the corner of the closet. I tried not to cry when I thought about what was in it. It contained the leather jacket Ranger had given me, folded up on top of Joe's letter jacket from high school he had given me our first night together. I walked backwards and sat on the bed, breathing deeply.

It was all I could do to keep it together, because I wanted to rip the box open and wrap Joe's jacket around me. I wanted to dream awake of our first time together and all the memories we had built over the years. All the happy times. All the jokes he told and the banter we would make while watching hockey games on his couch and arguing over the last slice of pizza. Even those screaming fights with no shortage of yelling and Italian hand gestures brought a smile to my face. The way we made up after all the fights was even better. I thought about how kind he always was to me when I was scared, and how scared he was for me every time there was a new stalker trying to hurt me. And most of all I thought about our last night together and how he'd made love to me over and over and released the pain I'd been holding inside. He loved me so much, and I'd loved him…but we were never meant for each other. Not for forever, but somehow I was meant to carry on a part of him when fate took him away from me.

Ranger told me I was a fighter. Raki and Bobby said I was a warrior. I hardly felt like it now. But I knew that they were mostly right. I couldn't have come this far through all that trauma if I wasn't. But still…deep down I knew that I wasn't fighting hard enough. Not even before a few days ago when Joe died in my arms. I didn't want the bad guys to win and was fighting to prove I was strong and independent. But I knew that I lacked the most important reason to fight…that I loved life. I wasn't truly happy. I didn't have a death wish, but I didn't exactly have a lust for life either. As I sat on the bed I knew that, more than anything else, needed to change. I had to learn to enjoy my life again, even if it could never be as carefree as it was before. I had to show our son or daughter true happiness by finding it for myself first.

I didn't know how on earth I was going to make that happen, but I was determined. I could remember being that happy, especially when I was young and I first noticed Joe looking at me across the cafeteria and felt the first stirrings of love. I stood up to walk over to the closet, wondering if the jacket still would smell like him after all these years. When I reached the middle of the room the bathroom door opened and I gasped.

Ranger stood there with droplets of water sliding down the rippled muscles on his perfect mocha latte skin, until they were caught by the white towel slung low on his hips. He sucked in a breath and his eyes turned into black pools of desire. I had gotten lost in deep thoughts and instead of changing I stood before him in barely there black lace lingerie with garters and stockings that I'd chosen so carefully for Joe's funeral.

I noticed his chest was moving rapidly as he took in deep breaths of air and his eyes raked over my body, and I felt my panties grow damp with need. "Christ Babe…are you trying to kill me." he said huskily, his hand gripping the towel tighter as the evidence of his desire grew beneath it.

"I…I…wasn't…I just…" I babbled hopelessly, my eyes locking onto a drop of water that worked its way slowly through his eight pack and trailed down beneath the towel. I couldn't help it and licked my lips.

He crossed the room in less than a second and stood so close to me I felt the heat emanating from his body from my head to my toes. "You just what, Babe?" he growled, his gaze melting into me.

"I just lost track and I…I didn't mean to…but…" I stammered breathlessly, my hand coming to rest on his chest. I could feel his heart pounding.

"You didn't mean to what?" he asked, the veil of control he normally had in his voice and expression slipping with every passing moment. Every muscle in his body was coiled tightly.

"I didn't mean to tempt you, but….I can't bring myself to care…please …" I could barely speak anymore, and leaned into him and smelled the Bulgari and scent that was uniquely his. I felt dizzy with desire.

"Please what?" he whispered into my ear.

"Please… Carlos…" I moaned, pressing my chest up against him. I felt him grow harder against my stomach.

"Please what? You think I'm enough of an ass to take advantage then?" he said angrily.

"Yesssssss…." I begged, then caught myself. "No! I mean…please…you won't be!" I pleaded, placing my hands around his neck and looking into his eyes.

"What do you want from me…?" he asked hoarsely, and for a second I thought I saw a flicker of pain in his eyes.

"Make love to me Ric." I asked, gazing deep into his dark eyes.

"I can't make you forget him this time." he said gruffly, his callused hands gripping my hips tightly and holding them back from where I had been rubbing up against him.

"I'm not asking you to. This isn't about him." I told him with conviction.

"What then…" he asked me, his lips so close that I could feel his warm and ragged breaths on my skin.

"It's about you and me. Right now. You love me in your own way. I love you in mine. I want to be happy again, so I'll fight for all the love I can get. Even if it doesn't last…it's worth it." I told him, pressing my lips to his. For a split second I felt guilty stealing James words, but quickly forgot when I felt Ranger's hard body crush up against mine.

It was all the answer he needed, and I felt myself being lifted off of the ground as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me back hungrily. He backed me up against the pillar near the bed and ground himself into me, and I moaned into his mouth. He took the opportunity to push his tongue into it, gripping my hair with his hand and pulling my head back. The kiss became more demanding and I felt the towel at his waist drop away. He trailed his lips towards my neck and bit and licked at the sensitive spot just below my ear that he knew drove me crazy, and I felt myself go weak at the knees.

Before I could slide down the pillar he picked up one of my legs and wrapped it around his waist, pushing his rock hard length against my opening. I moaned loudly as the tiny strip of cloth between us grew wetter. He started cursing in Spanish as he roughly undid my bra and it fell to the ground. I felt a nipple being sucked into his hot mouth while he rolled and pinched the other between his fingertips. When I cried out his name he sucked harder until it was almost painful. He alternated between my breasts tugging and pulling at them hungrily, while I fisted my hands in his wet hair.

"Please…oh God…Carlos…" I begged, longing for him to fill the emptiness inside.

"That's it…beg for me querida." he groaned, tearing off my lace panties. When he thrust two fingers inside me I screamed. He swallowed my screams in a searing kiss, pressing his chest up against me to pin me to the wall so I didn't slide to the floor. He curled his fingers to caress my G-spot and my walls tightened around him and began to spasm. I came hard, arching my back into him.

I barely had a chance to come down before I felt his hand at my throat, grasping my chin and pulling it up to him. "Open your eyes" he demanded, and I obeyed.

He watched me intently, my mouth open and breathing in short gasps. He removed his other hand from inside me, and I closed my eyes and cried out with loss. "Look at me." he demanded more sternly, lifting up my other leg and wrapping it around his waist until I was poised just above his throbbing member.

I felt him press his head against my dripping center, and I wriggled desperately trying to impale myself on him. But he held my hips tightly and stared at me intensely, gritting his teeth with restraint as he held me against the pillar.

"Don't worry…you don't need protection." I gasped, thinking that was what held him back. "There's no way you could get me pregnant." True enough.

I mewled in desperation, trying to escape his grip so I could join my body with his. His lips curled up in a feral grin, watching me writhe with need and beg for release.

"Say it. Say you love me!" he snarled.

"I love you!" I declared. My voice was thick with passion, and tears formed at my eyes.

"I'm a killer. You shouldn't love me. I'll only hurt you." he warned, but a glimmer of sadness ever so briefly flashed across his features.

"I'm not afraid of you. I love you." I told him, grasping his face with my hands and kissing his soft lips. With that he released my hips and speared me onto him in one swift movement. I screamed out in pleasure, and he held me there as I adjusted to his size. When I relaxed enough I ground my hips into him, and his breath hitched. His lips claimed mine, and he began to move inside of me.

I cried out his name over and over as he thrust into me, claiming me with every smooth stroke. He drove into me hard and fast, whispering hoarsely in Spanish into my ear the whole time. I wanted to understand his words so badly, but somehow I knew he didn't want me to. In stead I gave myself to him fully, imagining that he confessed that he loved me as much as I loved him…even though I knew it wasn't possible.

I tried to keep my eyes open as waves of pleasure rolled through me, and I watched him grit his teeth and throw his head back. His eyes were clenched shut as I came, spasming around him and clenching him tightly. He groaned low in his throat, and as soon as I came down he picked up the pace and pressed me harder against the concrete wall. He roughly grasped my ass with both hands and squeezed hard as he plunged deeper and faster. I wrapped my legs around him tighter and we moved together in perfect rhythm.

His eyes flew open and he roared my name as he went over the edge with me, and I felt him pulse inside me and fill me with his essence. I clenched tightly and milked him until he was spent. He staggered backwards and fell onto the bed and I collapsed on top of him. He was breathing as heavy as I was. I had never seen him let go like that, and I heard him groan with satisfaction when I clenched around him one last time. I had never felt like I had this sort of power over him until this moment. He rolled us together until we were side by side on the bed, my legs still wrapped around him. We fell asleep like that and dinner was forgotten as we both slept draped around each other for the next twelve hours without stirring.


	53. What Goes Down Must Come Up

_Thank you guys for your patience…I haven't posted in far longer than I expected because my life as the Police Officer exam and surrogacy trip overseas approached got almost as complicated as Stephanie's. It left me no time to write and hardly any to sleep, but I finished first in my police academy class. I almost collapsed on the flight, but now I've sufficiently recovered and will be doing much writing to keep myself busy. I thank all the individuals who have emailed me asking about updates and I apologize that I couldn't respond to you each individually promptly. I hope to put out a few more chapters and then some in the next few days, because I've got nothing to do but get a daily hormone shot and rest and relax until my husband joins me in a week. I even have some of the later chapters half written for quite a while. And for the last time there will be a Babe HEA….but you'll have to be patient for a while. They both have a little more growing to do, but it will be worth it in the end._

CHAPTER 53

I awoke to the smell of eggs and bacon and rolled over to see a tray on my bed. "Did that come out of my kitchen?" I asked Ranger.

"You actually think I could tolerate making something so loaded with cholesterol and dripping with that much grease?" he looked disgusted, glaring at the fat shining deliciously on the bacon strips. "Tank brought by a few things Ella made for you, a pineapple upside down cake, and a dozen assorted food containers your mother dropped off." he explained, holding up a plain low-fat yogurt that was obviously his own breakfast.

"Mmmm…" I moaned, shoving an entire strip of bacon in my mouth. He grimaced, but had the courtesy not to tell me that it would kill me. What a way to go if it did though. He looked away and took a bite of his boring breakfast.

"Party pooper…people express their love and sympathy by providing casseroles and lasagna and desserts in volume at funerals." I explained. "Gluttony is a time tested way of coping with grief, so far be it from me to violate tradition. I wouldn't want to insult anyone." I explained, sliding a second strip of bacon into my mouth and darting my tongue out to lick the grease off of my lips.

"Babe." he shook his head.

"Shut up…I'm grieving." I stuck my tongue out at him and grabbed a heaping spoonful of scrambled eggs with cheese and shoveled it in my mouth. I noticed he was fully dressed. "Are you leaving?" I asked, trying not to sound pathetic.

"My flight to Miami got moved up. Things are not going well. I'm recruiting in new personnel to handle the workload. I'll be gone around three weeks, but I'm available by phone. I would invite you to come, but I won't be able to keep you company." he offered.

"Thanks but no thanks…I've got to get back to the land of the living and I don't think running away to Miami again will help me do that." I sighed. I surprised myself because usually denial was my first tactic, but somehow this time around I knew avoidance was simply not an option. And tagging along on his business trip felt too close to a pity offering to consider accepting.

"That's my girl." he said, leaning down to kiss me on my forehead. "James will be by in a while with Kodiak. He's extremely depressed and not eating." he told me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"What!" I exclaimed, dropping my fork. I'd been so wrapped up in my grief I hadn't been thinking about the effect several days absence would have on Kody. I'd never spent a day apart from him since the day I met him.

"Babe…the bond between you is greater than you realize. I've known two K-9 officers who died in the line of duty and both their dogs had to be put down. The attachment was so strong they couldn't survive without their partners and became very sick and unmanageable to the point it was dangerous." he offered gently.

"They told me that at handler's camp but I didn't recognize these past few days would affect him so badly…" I said worriedly. My poor Kody!

"He'll be fine once he sees that you're okay. That's what all of us want to see." I leaned my head up against him and he ran his fingers through my hair.

"I want to be happy again Ranger. Not just okay. Not just surviving this and everything else…but really happy." I told him so quietly it was barely a whisper.

"I do too. Which is why I'm no good for you." he told me.

"You sound like a broken record." I told him.

"That's because you don't listen." he retorted.

"It's called selective hearing. I think it's listed under ADA restrictions as a disability, so you can never fire me or I'll sue for discrimination." I pouted, squelching the desire to fling a spoonful of egg at his face.

"I can duck faster than you can throw." Ranger told me, grabbing my wrist that held my spoon. Damn ESP. He turned and kissed the inside of my wrist.

"You'll come back, right?" I asked, trying not to sound as desperate as I felt.

"I'll always be here for you Babe, even when I can't give you what you need." he answered, his voice strong but tinged with sadness.

I just sighed in response. I loved him, but once again he was telling me that as much as he loved me nothing was going to change about what he could offer. But I had more than just myself to think about now. My life was sometime in the near future going to revolve around someone other than myself and be about something bigger than whatever romantic relationship I was…or was not…in. Time to put on my big girl panties.

"I'll call you if I need to." I told him, meeting his eyes. He responded with a gentle kiss that left me breathless, then he turned and left. The second the door closed I felt empty inside, and let out the breath I'd been holding.

I got up and forced myself to shower and get dressed in jeans and a fitted blue sweater that Joe once said brought out my eyes. I tried to push that thought from my head as I loaded up my purse to make my first foray back out into the world. Fortunately it was a place I knew I wouldn't bump into anyone I knew.

...

When I came back from the bookstore I heard barking even as I entered the elevator on the first floor. Kody had a way of sensing my presence, and as the doors opened I was tackled backwards by a giant blob of fur. I held him tightly and clutched his fur while his whole body trembled. I felt myself tearing up at how much he'd missed me, and I whispered in his ears that I loved him too.

"He was beside himself without you." James told me, though the catch in his voice made me wonder if he was only talking about Kody.

I stroked his fur as he whined softly, and stood up bracing my arm on his huge shoulder. "Thank you so much for taking care of him. I was beside myself too I guess…I didn't mean to neglect or forget about him. He means so much to me, but I had to take care of myself before I was ready to take care of anyone else." I said, my voice laden with guilt. My words were definitely about more than Kody. His huge brown eyes met mine and he licked my face with his giant tongue, making me smile in spite of myself.

I felt so conflicted… James and I had our first kiss together and began what might have been a relationship, but within the space of a few hours I find out I'm pregnant by another man who dies shortly after. Then I'm carried off by another man that I love but who can't ever truly love me back and I sleep with him anyway. And now here I was totally unattached, but even if I considered pursuing a relationship with James in the near future it felt like somehow I'd be betraying the memory of Joe as well as Ranger in the flesh even though he didn't want a relationship with me. Oh yeah…and I'm pregnant! My life was beginning to sound like a soap opera, but the constant heart wrenching emotion was all too real.

"Well sometimes timing gets in the way when you least want it to." he said, and I could see the sadness in his eyes. Now I knew for sure we weren't talking about Kody anymore.

I set my bag down and walked right up to him and met his gaze. "James…thank you. For everything. I'm so sorry that it went down like this. For the past few days I keep wishing I could go back and time and be back at the park. Then I'd insist you just drive me home instead of the hospital. Then everything would be fine." I splayed my hand on his chest, and felt a tear trickle down my cheek.

He put his hand over mine. "No…I'm sorry. I keep thinking the same thing. Then I start beating myself up that I should have pulled the car around and been ready for you. When you came out I was walking to the car in the far end of the parking lot when I heard the gunshots, and I ran faster than I ever have in my life. But the first gunshot was the one that killed him so it wouldn't have mattered. But I heard a tire screech a few minutes before that and if I turned around by then maybe…" he trailed off, running a hand through his dark curls in frustration and looking at the ground.

"Stop it. You did everything you could. We both did. So did Joe. Fate's just a complete and utter bitch that no one can control no matter how hard they try." I lifted his chin with my finger and forced him to meet my eyes.

"So you're saying that between the both of us wishing for the power of time travel and me wishing I was faster than a speeding bullet we're a pretty sad set of superheroes who are failing miserably at controlling the universe." he responded with a sad smile. I smiled back.

"So what do we do now?" I asked, not knowing where to go from here.

"Well since that fate bitch seems to be in charge, I think you should just invite me in and we make the best of every moment we have left. Life's too short." he said, the intensity in his expression disarming me.

"My life has changed James. I can't just pick up where we left off." I told him, my heart racing.

"I know that Stephanie. I'm not asking you to." He sighed. "Clearly the timing wasn't right for us. You turned to someone that you've known a lot longer than me to help you through it. I know you didn't do it to hurt me, and I'll step aside because I care about you and want you to be happy."

I opened the front door and walked in, and he followed me with Kody padding closely behind. I leaned up against the counter facing away from him because I couldn't bring myself to look at him when I spoke. "I care about you too…I really do. And I know what it looks like, but even though you're right about something going on between Ranger and I…it will never be a relationship. That's just about the only thing I know for sure." I explained, trying to hide any disappointment in my voice.

"Your first love died in your arms Stephanie. You don't owe me any explanations. I think you get a free pass on what choices you make next." he comforted me, coming up behind me and resting a hand on my shoulder.

"But I don't want to hurt anyone! I just need…" I turned to face him and started to cry, but he stopped me before I could say anything else and pulled me into his arms.

"You need a friend Stephanie. I'm your friend first. I'll be here for you and I'm not pressuring you for anything more." I just let him hold me tightly against his broad chest as I cried, infinitely grateful that he was my friend. He was right…that was what I needed more than anything right now.

"Don't worry about me. You've got bigger things to worry about." He told me, releasing me and guiding me to sit down in a dining chair. He was right about that. I had no idea how to tell him about the baby.

He poured me a glass of water and I accepted it gratefully. I started thinking about the order I would tell people that I was pregnant in. It only seemed right that the first person to know should be Joe's mom. Then my family. Then my friends. Though among my friends Ranger was definitely in a different category that defied definition, so I planned on telling him right after my parents. But I had a bad feeling that by the time I told the first person I wouldn't be able to get to the second person before the Burg grapevine had it spread everywhere. It was quite a dilemma.

"So we have enough time to feast on your funeral leftovers and watch a movie I brought before you have to go."

"Go?" I asked.

"Ummm..yeah. To your appointment." he told me, staring at the ground uncomfortably.

"What appointment?" I asked, the realization slowly sinking in. He meant my follow up appointment to the obstetrician that I set the day Joe died. I clasped my hand over my mouth and sucked in air. "Oh my God…how did you find out?"

"I had my suspicions when you had me call Joe, but I wasn't sure and figured you would tell me when you were ready. But I still had the bag the Dr. gave you. I didn't look inside it, though it was tempting. I wasn't trying to violate your privacy, but there was…umm…blood on the bag. I couldn't give it back to you like that so I tried to scrub it off. It tore the bag and the appointment card fell out."

"James…I…I don't know what to say." I was approaching panic mode. My capacity for intense conversation was reaching its limit.

"I told you already, you don't owe me any explanations." he reassured me, but I could see the questions behind his eyes. I wanted to give him one anyway.

"I'm three months along." I blurted out, staring at the floor. "We didn't plan it. After I was raped, I didn't think I could ever let a man touch me again. But Joe was the one man who made me feel safe again, for one last night. Neither of us had any idea that this would happen. But I'm happy it did. You are the only one that knows. Except Joe, but he's gone. So it's just you and me, and for now I want it to stay that way."

"Of course. You don't even need to ask." he assured me, coming up to the dining chair where I sat and kneeling down so that we were at eye level. He lifted my chin up to meet his eyes.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm trying not to get overwhelmed with the idea that I'm going to be a single mom. Every time I get upset I'm afraid that I'll lose the baby and let Joe down, so I keep trying to pace myself but it's so hard… This baby is all anyone has left of him." I gulped in air. I had to stop crying and pull myself together.

James stood up and lifted me up with him, pulling me into his strong arms and holding me. He ran his fingers over my hair and told me everything was going to be okay, soothing me until I stopped shaking. "You can't put so much pressure on yourself. One day at a time gorgeous. You're not alone. You have friends, family, and me."

"Thank you…I'm going to need all the support I can get. I don't know how I can ever pay you back." I told him. I kept my face tucked into his shoulder because I was afraid that if I met his eyes that in my weakened state I might be tempted to kiss him.

"Well I could use a good neck and upper back massage. I can't tell you how sore they are." he complained, pulling me over to the couch with him.

"Why? What have you been doing?" I asked as we sat down.

"Holding up the weight of all the medals of course. Didn't you see me in my studly dress uniform?" he joked, pretending to yawn and obviously flexing his bicep before wrapping it around my shoulder with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer.

"You're such a pig!" I laughed, punched him in the shoulder.

"I believe the proper term is 'peace officer' maam. I implore you to show some respect for the law." he grinned, pulling me into his side as he started the DVD player.

I let him pull me against him as we cuddled into the couch. He was warm and hard and I tried to sidetrack myself from impure thoughts. Somehow while he wasn't putting any pressure on the situation he still wasn't making it easy. "So what are we watching?" I asked, grateful for the distraction.

"It was a hard choice for a day like today, but since I figured we both were probably wishing we had more control over the universe I picked this one." he answered nervously, holding up the movie Superman.

"Perfect!" I answered back, smiling at him.

"Ya know I'm a sucker to see you smile and hear you laugh, gorgeous. Keep it up and I can't promise I won't try to kiss you before I take you to your appointment." he warned, his eyes turning dark.

I sucked in a breath. "I can't ask you to do that. I can go to the appointment by myself."

"You're not asking. I'm offering. And I won't let you talk me out of it." His voice was stern, and I could tell that it would be a wasted effort.

"Fine then. You want to take a single pregnant woman by another baby daddy to her OB appointments? Pay for your own therapist." I huffed, though I'm sure he knew how grateful I really was.

"Pipe down with the mama drama and watch the movie." He teased, tugging at a stray curl. I punched him in shoulder again.

"No fair! I can't hit back cause you're with child." he cradled his shoulder in mock injury.

"Deal with it. That's nothing compared to morning sickness. Not to mention that I'm going to swell up to the size of a whale in six months!" I lamented, leaning over him as he ducked back into the couch to avoid another swipe at his shoulder.

"All these hormones are making you hostile. And I can see they're already making your breasts swell." he commented, looking right down my shirt with a sly grin. "I would offer to take you to Victoria's Secret after the doctor's visit for some new bras, but word on the street is you burned the place down."

I wanted to punch him in the stomach. Then kiss him. Instead I froze in place with my jaw wide open. The look he gave me told me that he knew exactly what I was thinking. I realized how far I was leaning over him and I glanced down to see that my tank top was giving him an excellent view of my cleavage, and he was correct in his assessment that it was more ample that usual. I could feel his body tighten under me, and my body seemed to slide down on top of his of its own volition.

He groaned as I relaxed into him. "Stephanie…I told you no pressure and that I'm your friend first, but you're making it hard." I could feel that I was indeed making it hard, and it was impressively pressing into my thigh at the moment.

"It's your fault. Quit making me laugh and stop being so irresistible." I commanded him, my lips only inches from his.

"I can't help it if women find me irresistible. It's a tough cross to bear." he smiled slightly, staring at my lips with longing.

"You're doing it again." I told him, leaning closer.

"I can't help it when I'm around you Stephanie." he answered, his voice turning deeper. "I meant it when I said I've fallen for you hard. I think about you all the time. I'd do just about anything you asked me for, and that scares me a little. So as much as you are hurting right now, I'm asking you please don't take advantage of that." he asked gently. It was the second time in as many days that a man had asked me not to take advantage of him, but James was looking at me with more vulnerability than I'd ever seen from a man before….especially Ranger. And it was all I needed to push me over the edge.

"I won't. I promise." I whispered, slowly sinking into him and pressing my lips against his. His arms wrapped around me as we kissed passionately, making my stomach flutter as the warmth of his body seemed to spread through me. I moaned into his mouth, and he ran his fingers down my spine and they came to rest on either side of my waist. He slid them slowly under my shirt so they rested on my bare skin and I felt the fire from where his fingertips grazed me and I trembled. He groaned as I shivered against him, and I slid my tongue into his mouth.

The heat between us mounted and as I melted into him I realized that I was falling for him too. My stomach fluttered again. Then it lurched.

"Oh God…" I moaned, feeling the nausea rise up.

"Oh yes…" he moaned in response, sliding one hand down to my ass.

I tried to lean back as fast as I could, but his strong hand on my waist slowed me down just enough that a bit of vomit hit his shirt before I was able to direct the bulk of the contents of my stomach to the floor. He reacted quickly, holding my hair back and making soothing circles on my back with his other hand as I dry heaved for a minute.

"Wow. First time we make out you pass out. Now you throw up. What do I have to look forward to when I make second base?" he asked, gently guiding me to the kitchen sink and turning on the water.

My stomach settled as the reality of the moment hit me, and I quickly washed my mouth out with water. I looked up to apologize and realized he was taking his shirt off. I grabbed a towel and ran it under the water, then moved to wipe off his chest. I dropped the towel as I stared at the expanse of his muscled chest laid bare before me. His skin was pale and looked like sculpted marble. My eyes ran down his toned torso that narrowed at the hips and poured into his jeans that were looking uncomfortably tight at the moment. I locked onto his six pack and the dark curly hair trailing down.

"I'm a sick man because somehow I'm still turned on. But Kody is over there sniffing your vomit so we'd probably best clean it up first." he nodded, and I looked over to see Kody circling the couch.

"Oh my God this is so humiliating…" I covered my face with my hands. He walked up to me and pulled my hands down.

"Shhhh. It's okay. Morning sickness isn't just for the morning. I've got five older sisters and ten nieces and nephews. Big Irish Catholic family and all that, so I've been around pregnant women before. You have nothing to be embarrassed about." he soothed.

"If you don't quit being so wonderful I'm going to…" I stopped myself. I almost said I'd fall in love with him. I looked into his warm brown eyes, and he gave me a crooked smile and took a step towards me. It was too late. I realized that once again, I was in love with two men at once. With that another wave of nausea hit me and I vomited all over his shoes.

"Well…I can't say you didn't warn me." he laughed. "Never thought I'd be grateful that I don't have any feet, but you proved me wrong."


	54. Holding it In and Letting it Out

_Some of you may not be too happy with Ranger in this chapter, but I think we all agree it is about time for him to get a kick in the ass for Stephanie's sake. All the hormone shots have been giving me bouts of horrible nausea that inspired my last chapter, but it seems to be abating so that I can finally write some more. My husband arrives tomorrow as we prep for the final stages to implant my eggs in our surrogate, so your prayers are appreciated. I'm debating fast forwarding through the bulk of the pregnancy in my story, because most of the action & some resolution won't come until after the baby is born. Thank you again for all of your reviews…they mean the world to me. _

_ ~Carpe fic'n Diem (AKA: Tahara)_

Chapter 54

Things settled down for the three weeks after that, though James insisted on always wearing the steel tipped prosthesis after that since I'd ruined the only pair he had that had a pair of shoes attached. We'd spent a lot of time together at Rangeman but only a little outside of work, and I got the idea he was being careful to give me enough space to figure things out. We mostly watched movies and cuddled, and he kept picking out really bad baby names and reading the more embarrassing sections of "The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy" out loud.

It was nice to have someone that knew my secret, but with everything that had just happened it felt like now was just too soon to start dating. He seemed to somehow understand that and always made an early excuse to leave, but he took a piece of my heart when he left every time and I didn't know how much longer I could hold out. The fact that he was interested in me at all when I had a plus one on the way showed me how special he was, because I'm pretty sure that is not high on your average man's list of what he is looking for in a woman. I knew how Ranger felt about relationships and children, so a part of me was afraid of what his reaction would be. I was grateful for James' innate understanding of my reluctance, because there was enough going on in my head after that night with Ranger that officially starting a relationship would make things too complicated right now. But the day Ranger returned from Miami I should have known things would get complicated again anyway.

"Crap! Crappity crap crap crap!" I muttered to myself. I'd just finished an early lunch by myself in the Rangeman break room, and I'd made the critical mistake of unzipping my jeans to give my rapidly expanding girth some room while I tried to force feed myself a peanut butter and olive sandwich and potato chips that I'd hidden in the back of the cupboard. The food was staying down, and so was my zipper.

"What seems to be the problem gorgeous?" James asked as he strode into the kitchenette. 

"I can't get my jeans zipped back up again! I'm starting to show and I don't think I can keep this a secret much longer. Damn it all to hell!" I gritted my teeth and tried to suck it in. James just laughed while he pulled out some lettuce and celery for what looked to be the beginnings of a very boring salad. Apparently all the Merry Men have to eat a lame diet approved by Ranger.

"I think you best start telling some folks. It's got to be a strain on you keeping it all to yourself, not to mention your jeans trying to keep it all in too." he replied, putting the celery on the cutting board. I smacked him on the shoulder as usual, and as usual my fist bounced right off his rock hard bicep and he didn't seem to feel a thing. He looked around to make sure we were alone before he continued speaking.

"Besides, since the doctor told you to ease up on your morning run I looked online and found a pregnancy yoga class for you in North Trenton if you are interested. I thought it might help since being stuck in the office and away from all the fieldwork seems to be making you restless." he commented, taking out a butcher knife.

"That's so sweet of you, I…." I started to say, but when I heard the noise I stopped cold and flashed back. I heard the sound of Sally's bones being broken and I screamed.

"Stephanie! It's okay gorgeous…it's just me. Are you alright?" I heard his soothing voice and I came back from where I was.

"James…I'm…I'm sorry….I just didn't expect….It hasn't happened for a long time. I'm so sorry." I mumbled, wiping away a tear and trying to pull myself together. I hadn't had a flashback in quite a while but the sound was so real.

"What happened? Are you alright? Here…let me help you up." James said, a worried look on his face. He reached out his hand to pull me up, and only then did I realize I'd scurried into a corner and was huddled down near the floor. I reached out and let him lift me, and he pulled me close and held me gently.

"It was the celery. When you started chopping…I haven't heard that sound for so long. I didn't expect it and it flashed me back to… That's what bones sound like when they break." I shivered.

"Sweet Jesus…Stephanie…I'm so sorry. Just take deep breaths. It's over now." he whispered in my ear, running his warm hand up and down my spine slowly in soothing motions.

"Oh crap…I think I hear someone coming! Quick...help me get these jeans zipped up." I exclaimed, hearing the footsteps approaching from the far end of the hallway. I should have known my scream would draw a few Merry Men to check on me. James obliged and quickly tried to use his considerable strength to zip up my jeans, and I sucked it in as hard as I could, but the zipper wouldn't budge.

Suddenly I felt James hands disappear from my zipper and I looked up to see his entire body being thrown backwards and against the far wall. I gasped and looked to see a very, very angry Ranger standing in front of me. His chest was heaving and his muscles tight, and rage was radiating off of him in waves. I was pretty sure laser beams were about to shoot out of his eyes at James any second now. James wasn't saying much because he appeared to be unconscious.

"What the hell was he doing? I heard you scream." Ranger growled, still tense and in a defensive position with a hand on his weapon. I heard more footfalls and Tank, Lester, Bobby, Cal, and Hal appeared behind him, all looking ready to attack the potential threat. They each looked over to Ranger, then me, then to James passed out cold in front of the fridge.

"It's not what it looks like." I tried to explain.

"It looked like he had his hand down your pants." Ranger replied.

"Okay…so it sort of is what it looks like, but it's not what you're thinking." I stammered, frantic for a workable explanation.

Ranger relaxed his body and took the hand off his gun and put it on my shoulder. "Babe."

"I…uh…I asked him to help zip my jeans up. I've sort of gained some weight. All those funeral leftovers and grief binging I guess…." I said, rapidly trying to cover myself. I couldn't look Ranger in the eye, because he seemed to always have a way of knowing when I was lying to him. Bobby leaned over James and checked his vital signs, and he made a groaning noise.

"You screamed." Ranger stated, the question hanging in the air.

"I had a flashback unexpectedly before that. But I'm fine now." I assured him, trying to hold my zipper together with both hands and feeling like an idiot.

James opened his eyes. "What happened?" he asked, trying to sit up.

"Looks like the Bomber just earned you some hazard pay. Welcome to the club." Tank chuckled. This was so humiliating.

"Follow me up to seven Babe. I've got some of your old sweatpants there." Ranger told me, motioning for me to follow as he headed towards the elevator. I saw James wince at his words ever so slightly, and all I could do was silently mouth to him the words "I'm sorry" as I turned to follow Ranger because frankly I didn't know what else to do to escape this room full of awkward silence.

Ranger said nothing in the elevator, and I was infinitely grateful and simply stared at the ground so I wouldn't look him in the eye. I didn't even look up when I headed straight to his bedroom and changed into the sweatpants. I thought I heard him in the kitchen, so I made a break for it and headed straight to the front door hoping I could leave quickly and avoid a conversation. But his tree trunk of an arm stopped me before I could reach for the handle.

"Going somewhere?" he asked, his lips so close to my ear I shivered.

"I've…uh…got to get back to work. Lunch break is definitely over." I answered. I felt his hands on my waist as he turned me to face him.

"What are you not telling me?" he asked, putting a hand on either side of my head as I backed against the door. I was trapped, and when he lifted my chin to make me meet his eyes it was like a force field sucking me in.

"Tell me. You're hiding something." he commanded. His face was blank, but I could tell he meant business and I wasn't going to get away without telling him something. I decided there was no more use waiting, so I clenched my teeth and blurted it out.

"I'm not fat. I'm pregnant."

At first he didn't respond, though his eyes did widen a bit. But then I saw his whole body tense up and his jaw clench. He looked like he was trying to control his anger, and I was surprised to find myself feeling scared of him.

"You lied to me." he said. His voice was cold.

"I wasn't ready to talk about it yet. I just needed more time." I answered. My voice sounded tiny. Why was he acting like this? He shook his head at me.

"You told me I couldn't get you pregnant. I told you I didn't want more children. You manipulated me." He was as angry as I'd ever seen him, and I my jaw dropped when I realized he mistakenly thought the baby was his. I started to correct him, but instead I shrieked and jumped back when he suddenly stepped to the side and punched his hand through the wall three feet away from me.

"Ranger! What the hell?" I exclaimed, watching him pull his bloodied fist back and down to his side. He stood there with his eyes closed taking controlled breaths as he seemed to gather himself.

"Take care of it. I'll pay for it. I can't have another child." he commanded. His voice sent a chill through my spine.

"Ranger! It's not yours! I was already pregnant when we…." I trailed off, seeing him open his eyes and comprehension cross his face.

"Are you sure." he asked, his body relaxing only slightly.

"The bat sperm aren't that powerful, you jerk!" I wasn't scared anymore. I was pissed. I turned to leave but his bloody hand grabbed mine as I tried to turn the door knob.

"Whose is it?" he asked me, his voice much calmer but I could still feel the tension radiating off of him.

"I can't believe you just asked me that." I shoved his hand off of mine and opened the door, then walked away as quickly as my shaky legs could carry me. Fortunately the elevator door opened quickly, and I pressed the button to close the door frantically before he could follow me. As went down the elevator I looked up to try to keep myself from crying. He knew that I had spent the night at Joe's almost four months ago. Did he really think I was some slut sleeping around getting knocked up by random men, or the type of person who would trick a man into pregnancy when I was lonely and in pain? I thought he knew me better than that, and his heartless reaction had cut me to the bone. I didn't even want to consider how I would feel about it if it really had been his baby, but I felt some small hope I held die anyway at the thought of his instruction to "take care of it."

I should have known when I got to the first floor he would already be there, having taken the stairs and beaten me without even breathing hard. I pushed past him and walked through the kitchen and towards the exit by the control room. I just wanted to make it to my car without crying. But as I passed the control room I heard James call out my name in a worried voice, and I turned to see him trying to stand up. Bobby was next to him looking concerned, but helping him to his feet. Kody stood up when he saw me enter the room and sniffed, probably detecting the tension which at this point must be palpable in the air. James was holding an ice pack to the side of his head and looked unsteady on his feet, but he walked towards me anyway with his eyes locked onto my hand. I looked down and realized it had Ranger's blood on it.

"I'm okay." I told him. "Sit back down. You look like you're about to fall over." I grabbed his elbow and tried to lead him back to the chair, but he suddenly tensed and I knew without looking that Ranger had just entered the room. I turned around, but then he wrapped an arm possessively around my waist and pulled me back against his chest. He dropped the ice pack and splayed the other hand gently across my stomach in an instinctive protective gesture.

"What did you do to her?" James seethed. He could see the blood on Ranger's hand and could feel me trembling. I was shocked to see a look cross Ranger's face that almost looked like…could it be? Jealousy?

"Nothing. But it looks like you did plenty." Ranger answered coldly. "You work fast." he said to me in a icy voice.

I'd had it. I walked up and slapped him. Really hard. And this time there was no apologizing on my part. I felt Kody's fur brush my leg as he came to my side and started growling.

"It's Joe's baby. I'm almost four months pregnant with the late Joseph Morelli's baby. That's why he was at the hospital that day. He died protecting me. Protecting us. That's why he died with a smile on his face in my arms, you incredible fucking asshole!" I yelled at him. At this point all the Merry Men had stood up from their cubicles and witnessed the whole thing. You could hear a pin drop.

"Congratulations." I head a familiar voice say. I looked past Ranger and was amazed to see Raki standing there smiling at me. Ranger suddenly turned and it seems for once someone had caught him off guard.

"Raki!" I exclaimed, and ran towards him and jumped into his strong arms. He laughed softly and hugged me, lifting me off the ground.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. But then again, I appear to be just in time." he answered. "Bobby buzzed me in and told me to surprise you." he explained.

"That you did. Good to see you again old friend." Bobby said, walking up and giving Raki a bear hug. Ranger simply watched on with his trademark blank stare. You could still see my handprint on his cheek.

We all stood there in silence for a moment, but then I made a decision. It was time to tell Joe's family. "Rakesh…there's something I need to do, and I could use your support. Will you come with me?" I asked.

"Of course little one. You can always count on me." he answered, looking at Ranger with calm curiosity. "Hier!" he commanded Kody, who eagerly went to his side and let him scratch his ears. If Ranger was surprised that Kody followed his commands he didn't show it, but James certainly looked shocked. At this point he was sitting back in his chair holding the ice pack to his head watching the entire interchange with a combination of amusement and confusion.

"You can count on the rest of us too. We'll be here for anything you need." Bobby said. I saw the rest of the Merry Men look and me and nod, echoing the sentiment.

"Thanks guys. Good to know I can count on some people." I answered, looking over and staring icicles at Ranger. He didn't even react. Something about that made me even more pissed off, and I snapped. I was done with men that didn't want me, and my baby. I was done with Ranger.

I walked over to James and grabbed the top of his t-shirt, leaned down, then gave him a searing kiss right on the lips in front of everyone. I heard a few wolf whistles from the cheap seats. "Be at my Mom's place at 6:00 sharp for dinner." I told him.

"Yes maam…" he responded, a drunken smile on his face.

As I turned to walk away I heard Raki say to Ranger "You are creating everything that you fear, my brother." Then he wrapped his arm around me and we walked out the door with Kody right at my side.


	55. New Lease on Life

_Hey guys…as always my apologies for the delay in this chapter. I got quite ill overseas and upon my return from the surrogacy trip, and while everything appeared to be going our way our surrogate did not successfully get pregnant. I've been quite depressed since then, and the subject matter of this chapter couldn't be more ironic and difficult to write about right now. However we plan to try again in February using a donor egg and a different surrogate this time, so until then I'll try to keep writing as I'm able. Forgive me if I skip over the typical pregnancy details and mother child bonding for now, and maybe later I might edit some chapters when my heart is in it. ~CarpeFicn'Diem (AKA: Tahara)_

Chapter 55

"Raki…I'm so glad you're here. I don't know how to do this." I told him. We were sitting in the car parked a few houses away from Joe's mother's home. I was feeling unbelievably tense, but I tried to feed off of his relaxed energy as he had his muscled torso slid down low in the seat and his feet up on my dash. I'd been stalling for more than a few minutes.

"I don't either. But making it up as you go along always seems to work for you." he responded.

"True. But I just keep thinking that Joe should be here to tell her himself. I'd thought about what this moment could be like years ago, but in that daydream we were married and it terrified me. Now I'm not sure what I feel. He should be here telling her, not me." I could feel myself getting choked up.

"I don't have all the answers, and there is no fortune cookie quote that can make this any easier for you. But I can tell you from my own experience that grief is very much like waves on the ocean. They hit you so hard at first, sometimes when you least expect it. But if you just hang on long enough, the waves become smaller and further apart." he answered. I could see a distant look in his eye and could tell he was thinking of Vincent, the late love of his life.

"Well beyond that door is a tidal wave. I'm afraid." I gulped.

"Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." he quipped.

"You FINALLY watched the Star Wars movies for me!" I squealed, throwing my arms around his neck.

"I'm so much better than this Yoda fellow." he shook his head and hugged me back.

"Stephanie?" Angie Morelli said in surprise when she opened the door. She looked at me quizzically, and then looked my companion up and down. She looked worse than I had ever seen her, like she had aged ten years. Joe's mom had always prided herself on her appearance and went to the salon every week of her life. But I could see flyaway strands coming out of a hastily tied ponytail, and the dark circles were visible under her eyes that were swollen from crying and absent of any makeup.

"Ms. Morelli…I'm sorry to come without calling. I need to talk to you." I said, hoping that the shaking in my voice and tremor in my hands were undetectable.

"Of course! Come in Stephanie, and uh…" she prompted.

"My name is Raki, maam. I'm Stephanie's mentor and good friend, and she asked me to be here to support her." he stated succinctly, saving me from a difficult introduction.

"How very nice to meet you." she greeted. The overly pleasant banter that usually was present when I was around Joe's family was absent as she cleared off the coffee table and led us to some chairs. The room was usually impeccable, but I could see that in the past few weeks it had fallen into a state of clutter that was rare in the Morelli household. There were flower arrangements with attached sympathy cards scattered throughout the room that were past the point of no return. I glanced into the kitchen and could see several casserole dishes and Tupperware containers that were clean and labeled for return piled up on the dining room table. There were used tissues everywhere, and the answering machine on the table beside me had a message count higher than mine was when I blew up Stiva's funeral home. I expected to see her surrounded by family and friends, but I got the sense that she was isolating herself on purpose and it worried me. I hope against hope that I never know the pain of losing a child.

"Stephanie…I'm glad you came. Mama Bella kept saying you would." she offered a weak smile. "I know we've had our differences in the past, but I suppose none of that matters now. I know how much my Joseph loved you. You were the only woman he ever felt that way about. At the funeral…it was then I realized how much you loved him too. I thank you for giving him happiness in this life that ended too soon." she said gracefully, her voice cracking at the end. The gravity of her words was so intense it felt like a physical force pushed me back against my chair.

"Thank you for saying so…I never realized until he was gone just how much he meant to me." I said honestly. Then part of me let go, and I let myself speak from my heart. "The truth is…I feel guilty coming here. He died because of me. He was protecting me. He really was a hero." I told her. I managed to keep my voice steady but the tears came just as I knew they would.

"I need to ask you about that Stephanie. I need to know, but no one will tell me. They say it would only make it worse. But I need to know the specifics of what happened. I've been waiting for you to come so I could ask you." Angie said intently, her eyes staring me down and letting me know she was serious. I gulped, but I knew that I owed it to her so in spite of the knot in my throat, I did.

I told her everything except why he was at the hospital that day. I told her that not only would the car have hit me where I was sitting if he hadn't acted so quickly and yelled at me to move, but he also had me seek cover and defended me against a gunman whose bullet missed me by inches. He killed the gunman with perfectly placed shots dead center to the chest. That was the only moment Raki chose to comment, and I was grateful because he addressed a topic that I didn't know how to.

He eloquently explained to her as a firearms instructor that in all his years he has never been aware of any officer involved shooting where such perfect skill and aim was achieved in a moment of intense stress when the body is working against you in maintaining such calm and control. He helped her to understand that his performance in defending himself and others was extraordinary, and his reaction so fast that no Officer in the world could have hoped to achieve a different outcome. In a roundabout way, he helped her to know that Joe not only did everything humanly possible to save others but there was nothing else he could have done to save himself….that is other than to stand aside and do nothing, ignoring his responsibility to uphold the law and protect others. It was then that Angie Morelli began to cry, but she nodded in resignation and I could see pride flicker across her features.

As she lifted her head and looked back at me, I continued to recount that horrible day. I told her how he was brave and commanding, and even after he was hit he still attempted to protect me by clearing the vehicle and attempting to arrest the second suspect. I told her about James, who had arrested the second suspect in a foot pursuit. I admitted to her that I lost control and beat him badly when he was brought back, and she nodded as if she expected nothing less from me.

I told her that the nurses explained that with the direct hit to his aorta that the wound was not survivable, but that it was amazing he was able to find the strength to stay standing and conscious as long as he did. But I knew the hardest part was to come.

"Tell me the truth…I have to know. Did he suffer?" she asked. Her body coiled up like a spring, and her mouth tightened into a thin line.

"No." I answered without hesitation. "It was so fast. He died with a look of peace on his face that I've never seen. I held his hand and I...I had this feeling that he had no regrets. That he was actually happy." I told her, my voice wavering. But I could see that she believed that I wasn't just saying it for her benefit, and I saw the tension release from her body and she held her face in her hands and wept. I was surprised when she suddenly stopped crying and looked up.

"What were his last words?" she asked resolutely. I sucked in a breath. Raki reached over and held my hand.

"He…um…he told me to…I…" I stumbled, not able to get the words out.

"Please. I'm his mother. I must know what he said." she pleaded, wringing her hands together.

"He told me not to name his son after him." I confessed quickly, instinctively placing my free hand on my burgeoning stomach.

Wha…what! I…I don't understand…." she trailed off, looking confused but a glimmer of hope lighting up in her eyes.

"Joe and I…well, we sort of… There was this thing the night I came back. I uhhhh…I'm fourmonthspregnatwithJoe's baby ."I blurted out quickly.

First she looked shocked. Then a look of comprehension crossed her face. Suddenly the age disappeared from her features and she lit up like a Christmas tree. She bolted out of her chair and ran over to me and placed her hand over mine and looked at me incredulously.

"Really! Joseph gave me a grandchild after all?" she exclaimed. I nodded and told her that I didn't know if it was a boy or girl yet, but had a suspicion that somehow Joe must have known what he was talking about. She suddenly was filled with boundless energy and pulled us both to our feet and led me down the hall to what I knew was his childhood bedroom.

She opened the door and I was shocked to see that she had it perfectly preserved, and had taken out all of his childhood things and had them on display. I was most surprised to see in the corner that she had a makeshift shrine created, complete with his dress uniform, his service revolver and badge, all of his medals and awards, scrapbooks of his accomplishments, photo albums, and large photos of Joe that had been on the display easel at the funeral. I was overwhelmed and leaned back on Raki for support.

"I'll get all of this boxed up and sent over to you…" she said breathlessly, reaching towards his uniform. She turned and grabbed my hand, then pulled it towards her. She pressed something into my outstretched hand, and I looked down to see Joe's badge.

"I…I can't accept this…" I stammered.

"Of course you will….I won't accept no for an answer! I want my grandson to know everything about who his father is, and I will hand down to him everything that belonged to his father." Angie told me sternly.

"I didn't think about it that way…I guess it's only right that they inherit something to remember him by." I replied, then tried to reassure her. "I have been thinking a lot about how I'm going to ever let our baby know what a wonderful man Joe was. I'll need your help. I want his family to be a big part of this baby's life, but you don't have to give all this…" I tried to say, but she cut me off.

"Nonsense. I'll give him everything my Joseph would have given him if he was here to do it himself." she insisted, placing both hands on my shoulders and locking eyes with me.

"Okay." I squeaked. I suddenly realized that albeit unofficially, Angie Morelli was my new mother-in-law and it was a lifetime commitment.

"Oh my goodness…I've got so much to do!" she said excitedly, grabbing my hand and leading me towards the kitchen. "I've got to call his Lieutenant and the insurance agent and change the beneficiary on all of his life insurance, then get an attorney to set up a trust fund. Don't worry about paying for college dear…the family of any Officer who dies in the line of duty is well compensated." she assured me. "Then the house of course... We were thinking about putting it on the market, but now we'll just have to set up the guest room as a nursery now won't we!" she said breathlessly. Her eyes were sparkling and I could smell something burning as the gears in her head went into overdrive.

"Life insurance? House?" I squeaked, plopping down on the dinette chair right as Raki pulled it out for me. He was not having any success at wiping the grin off of his face.

"I can't have my grandson growing up in some apartment when there's a perfectly good house bought and paid for that Joseph put so much work into and is already full of his memories for his child to be surrounded with. Joseph wouldn't allow it. The house belongs to you now. One of the ladies at my church does child safety proofing for expecting parents, and I'll have to call her to set up an appointment." she muttered, frantically writing down her to do list on a notepad by the refrigerator. "There isn't that much time left before the birth, so there is a lot to get done but the ladies at my church group can help with all of the planning…." she trailed off. Raki brought me a glass of ice water and sat down next to me, giving me a supportive pat on the arm.

Live in Joe's house? I couldn't possibly. But then the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it made perfect sense. The fact was that as much as I loved my new apartment, it was all one big room. That would be a problem with a baby around. If I tried to purchase a house myself the down payment would deplete my savings from the reward money. Rangeman could help make it more secure and Kody would love the backyard. I relaxed a little as one more bit thing fell into place, and the more I felt Angie's excitement reverberate throughout the room I realized that James was right. I wasn't alone in this. I still had five months to go, and I would need everyone's help to get moved into his house, but also find a way to make it my own somehow.

"I have to call Grandma Bella right away! She kept saying that she had a vision that Joseph was going to be a father, and everyone told her to stop saying that…." she explained as she picked up the phone.

"No wait!" I stopped her.

"Wait? But I have so many people to tell…" she responded quizzically.

"There's a small problem. I haven't told my family yet. I felt like I should tell you first. Can you wait until about 6:30 tonight? I'm going over there for dinner and I have to be sure they don't hear it from anyone other than me." I explained. I could see the phone blowing up at about 6:35pm sharp at my mother's house.

"Oh…well I can appreciate that." she said, the light in her eyes dimming a little. It was like a knife in my heart after seeing the change from when we'd first greeted her, so I made an impromptu decision.

"Well if it helps you bide the time you can plan the nursery. I'll let you do the whole thing." I told her. Cross one thing off my to do list.

"Really!" she screeched, running over to hug me. Her face was ecstatic, then suddenly serious. "How do you feel about plaid?" she asked, as though everything hinged on the answer.

"Surprise me." I told her, and she gave me another hug so tight I thought I would go into early labor. If Joe still had that shiny engagement ring somewhere I was damn sure going to wear it on my right hand whenever the hell I felt like it, because I was a part of his family now whether I liked it or not.


	56. What About Bob?

_Hey guys…another chapter sooner than I thought I could put one out. I'm pretty bummed out now that my brother announced he is having twins and they got pregnant at the same time we should have been, so I could use a bunch of reviews to cheer me up. If you have any ideas for the upcoming crazy dinner scene feel free to let me know._

_ ~CarpeFicn'Diem (AKA:Tahara)_

Chapter 56

I opened the front door of Joe's house slowly with the key Angie gave me. Since Raki was here for support, I figured I might as well take full advantage and get this tough moment out of the way too. I don't know what I expected, but I was surprised nonetheless. Everything looked the exact same as the last time I left here. What a night that was…

Kody proceeded to investigate and sniff everything and Raki followed suite, walking around the perimeter of the room.

I crossed the room slowly, running my hand along the antique lace drapes on the windows that I knew were from his Aunt who had left him the house. Those would definitely have to go. But I was struggling inside already with letting go of anything of his. I had to start a new life for myself and our child, but I had to find some way to make it feel like I wasn't living in someone else's house.

"Everything here has an imprint of him Raki. How can I feel alive surrounded by memories of someone who isn't? But what about our child? Don't I owe it to them to keep everything that belonged to their father? They'll never even get to meet him." I said sadly, sinking down into his couch.

"The objects don't hold the memory, Angel. You shouldn't have to live with a ghost." he told me, casually perusing the meager bookshelf Joe kept by the fireplace.

"But I still don't know how to make the decision of what to let go of." I answered. I was so tired of being overwhelmed with decisions and emotions.

"Then don't. I'd like to give you sage advice on this one, but the fact is I still have a storage unit with some of Vincent's things in them that I can't quite let go of." he answered sheepishly, flipping through a dusty book he pulled off the shelf. "Procrastination. Compromise. Take your pick."

"I'm all about procrastination these days. But it's the final countdown today, and at 6:30pm the hammer is coming down." I groaned.

"Surely your family can't be that bad." he pondered out loud.

"Tell me that again at 7pm." I answered sarcastically.

"Did Joe like poetry?" he asked me.

"He liked hockey. Beer. Motorcycles. Italian food. Being a cop. And me."

"Well he must have liked just one then. But he has excellent taste. Dylan Thomas is one of my favorites." he responded.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, turning towards him. Instead of answering me, he held up the worn and dusty book he had extracted from the bookshelf and began to read from a page that was heavily earmarked. His voice was soft and the lilt of his Indian accent soothing.

_Do not go gentle into that good night,  
>Old age should burn and rage at close of day;<br>Rage, rage against the dying of the light. _

_Though wise men at their end know dark is right,  
>Because their words had forked no lightning they<br>Do not go gentle into that good night. _

_Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright  
>Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,<br>Rage, rage against the dying of the light. _

_Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,  
>And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,<br>Do not go gentle into that good night. _

_Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight  
>Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,<br>Rage, rage against the dying of the light. _

_And you, my father, there on the sad height,  
>Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.<br>Do not go gentle into that good night.  
>Rage, rage against the dying of the light.<em>

"My God…it's like he knew he would die young." I whispered. I wiped a tear from my eye, and silently wondered how much I never knew about him.

"He sounds like a man who knew who he loved, and what he was willing to die for." Raki stated, gently closing the book and placing it back on the shelf.

"Yes. He did. I just think that…." I stopped suddenly, noticing that Kody was silently alerting on the door to the backyard.

Raki drew a weapon from who knows where, and silently motioned for me to get behind the couch and out of sight. My initial instinct was to cover his back, but with one in the oven I realized that had to change for the time being. But I peeked around the side to see him throw open the door, then he suddenly smiled and lowered his gun. Kody's tail started wagging and an orange blur shot into the room and made straight for me.

"Bob!" I laughed, trying to keep him from knocking me back. He licked my face and shivered all over from excitement. "I missed you too honey."

"I take it you two know each other?" Raki inquired, patting Bob on his head. Bob promptly rolled over onto his back and gave an expectant look. Raki complied and gave him a vigorous belly rub.

"I heard that Joe's cousin Mooch was taking care of him, but apparently he's just dropping by for food and water and leaving the little guy all alone. Poor boy!" I guess I shouldn't be surprised that people weren't lining up to take on Bob, but he must be miserable spending all that time by himself! And the weather was getting cooler and the doghouse wasn't much shelter this time of year.

"Speaking of what to keep and what to get rid of…" he spoke, a wry grin lighting up his handsome face.

"Bob is about as far as from Kodiak as you could possibly imagine. I once saw him bark at a rock for an hour because he thought it moved. But I guess putting him in storage would be inhumane." I groaned.

"Won't someone volunteer to take him?" Raki asked.

"I doubt it. Why…are you interested?" I asked him.

"That depends…does he do any tricks?" he replied. Bob swiftly answered the question and horked up a sock on the carpet.

"Impressive. But….no." he stated definitively.

After a quick walk through of the house Raki and I piled Bob and Kody into the back of my Chevy to head to the bonds office. I didn't feel right leaving the little guy alone and Kody seemed to enjoy his company…or at least tolerate it. I just hoped Bob wouldn't be a bad influence. Bob might eat my socks, shoes, and underwear, but Kodiak could probably eat my couch and then my coffee table for dessert.

I'd just started my job at Rangeman but had yet to deal with breaking the news to Vinnie that I wouldn't be doing fieldwork for quite a while. I bit the bullet and led Raki into the office.

"Hot damn girl!" Lula exclaimed. "Glad you're back…we got us a pile of skips here to catch. Bring the fuzzball and this fine hunk of man you brought with you and we'll make quick work of it." she declared, pulling her purse over her shoulder and standing up. She was dressed in an orange and bright blue striped tube dress. Horizontal stripes. Size…small.

"You must be Lula. Stephanie's told me a lot about you. I must say, you exceed expectations." he commented.

"Honey…I'm more woman than most men bargain for." she commented, eyeing him up and down. I could smell her perfume from across the room, and the look in her eye when she examined his sculpted torso was positively carnivorous. I giggled when I saw Raki's expression go from calm to nervous.

Unfortunately when I giggled I snorted. When I snorted I inhaled a huge whiff of her perfume. When I inhaled a whiff of her perfume I sneezed. When I sneezed it made the button on my jeans pop off and shoot across the room. I really had to buy some maternity pants.

"Ow!" Vinnie yelled. I could see a red mark where my button had just hit him square in his forehead. He had stepped out of his office just in time.

"I know it's been a rough couple of weeks Hon, but food won't solve your problems." Connie lectured, taking a bite out of a jelly donut. Some of the powdered sugar sprinkled itself onto her enormous décolletage.

"I'm not fat! I'm pre…uh….I'm pre-menstrual. I'm just bloated. And I think my jeans shrunk in the wash." Nice recovery if I do say so myself. Damn. I really wanted one of those donuts.

"Why did I hire three women? What the hell was I thinking!" Vinnie groaned, putting his fingers in his ears.

"You look more than just bloated girlfriend. I'd offer you a change of clothes I have in my Firebird, but it looks like they would be too small for you." Lula offered, grabbing a Boston crème donut. Lula's sense of proportion was a little off to say the least, given that the horizontal stripes on her dress were stretched so tight that they almost looked like pinstripes.

"Thanks anyway." I replied through gritted teeth. I could see Raki's chest shaking with silent laughter.

"Ya know, you could always go back to fat camp." Lula offered helpfully. "You're just having a relapse. Lindsay Lohan has them all the time."

"Fat camp?" Raki asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"It's a long story." I told him, my ears turning red.

"You're not going back anywhere!" Vinnie yelled, though when Raki turned and glared at him he lowered his voice. "Look…I've given you a break cause I'm such a nice guy and all, but I'm running a business here and I've got low bond skips piling up. So get to work!"

"Actually Vinnie, I need to talk to you about that. I'm taking a break from field work for about six months and accepting an offer to work for Rangeman full time." I told him.

"What?" he screeched. "What am I supposed to do now?" Raki crossed his arms and flexed his considerable biceps and Vinnie took a step back.

"Hire someone else if you want to. Or don't. Not my problem." I huffed. Vinnie threw up his arms and muttered something about me being a fickle woman.

"You goin' to work with Batman?" Lula gasped.

"For the meantime. It was an offer I couldn't refuse." I told her. Connie gave me a knowing look.

"You seriously call him Batman? And I'm just some big-eared stumpy alien named Yoda. I'm insulted." Raki declared, grinning.

"Fine! I'll call that guy I almost hired before you took a shot at me!" Vinnie grumbled.

"He's already spoken for." I heard an unmistakable voice say. Ranger had just walked in the room.

"He's working for Rangeman too? Well that's fan-freaking-tastic!" What am I supposed to do with all the low bond cases if you hire all my employees away? You trying to sink my business or something?" Vinnie challenged. The look Ranger gave him told me he instantly regretted his words.

An uncomfortable silence stretched out, and Ranger locked eyes with me. His face was blank. He turned to Vinnie and took an aggressive stance. Vinnie took another step back.

"You will hold Stephanie's job for six months and allow her the option to resume her position at Vincent Plum Bail Bonds after that time. I will be taking on any low bond skips until then. Personally." he stated in a deep voice.

I was stunned. Ranger would be taking on Betty Lou Frantz who liked to throw a cat at your head when you opened the door. She had a full arsenal of 15 cats. Ranger would go up against the senile 88 year old Beauregard Washington III, who was convinced that he was an heir to the British throne and would only go willingly if you threw rose petals in front of his feet when he walked. Worst of all, he would have to arrest Benjamin Thurmond who weighed over 400 pounds and liked to surf porn along with stealing people's credit card information. Benjamin believed that people should not judge based on appearances, thus he felt that clothes were unnecessary encumbrances. This was bad enough, but when he answered the door he had usually been surfing porn. This meant that little Benjamin would answer the door along with him.

The thought occurred to me to let Ranger know in advance about these peculiarities, but on second thought he deserved whatever he got. Even though it wasn't an apology, not that I'd ever heard Ranger apologize to anyone, it was at least a start. I gave Ranger a cursory nod, trying my best to keep a blank face. I was grateful for the gesture, but thinking of his words and actions a few hours ago still stung, and I wasn't ready to forgive him.

"Don't worry Ranger. I got your back." Lula beamed. I tried not to burst into evil laughter. Ranger definitely deserved whatever he got.

"Well….I hate to run, but my mother will be expecting us soon for dinner." I said, hastily excusing myself so that I could avoid Ranger.

"Looks like I've met all your friends, so I'm looking forward to meeting your family." Raki commented as we turned to walk out.

"Wear a cup." Ranger told Raki as we passed.


	57. Vegetarian Vendetta

Chapter 57

"Hello gorgeous." James said, strolling casually up to my SUV and pulling me out of the driver's seat for a long slow kiss. It was positively electric, and I forgot we had an audience until Bob barked and Raki cleared his throat.

"I see Kodiak has a new friend, and you seem to have an old one. And I haven't been introduced to either." James complained.

"Whoops! I'm sorry. Bob is the orange ball of fur masquerading as a dog, and he belonged to Joe. For now I guess he belongs to me. And this is my good friend and mentor Raki. He's the one that trained me and helped me through everything recently." I explained. Raki stepped out of the car and walked over.

"Pleased to meet you. I'm very grateful for everything you've done for her." James told him.

"Raki, this is James. He's my…" I stopped short.

James just smiled and shook Raki's hand quite firmly. "She was going to say boyfriend, but I'll get it out of her soon enough." he said, reaching over and grabbing me around my waist possessively. "So are you ready for me to meet your family?" he said.

"I don't think any of us are ready." I replied grimly.

"Stephanie!" my Grandma Mazur shouted out from the front stoop. I sighed and led James forward as Raki got the dogs out of the car.

"Hot dog! Nice to meet you handsome. I see you brought me a blind date!" Grandma Mazur exclaimed, looking back and forth between James and Raki expectantly.

"Okay…we'll go with that." I mumbled. I wouldn't have any luck keeping her from trying anyway. Grandma was dressed in a baby blue velour jumpsuit. When she looked James up and down she unzipped her top a few inches to reveal her cleavage, but instead it showed that what she did have had traveled south many decades ago. I heard James gulp. He grabbed my hand to show her that he was claimed, or out of fear….I'm not sure which.

"I'm Edna." she introduced herself, fluttering her wrinkled eyes in an attempt at flirtation. It looked more like she had something caught in them.

"Oops!" she exclaimed, throwing herself forward off the front step into Raki as he approached, tackling him backwards onto the grass. It caught Raki off guard, though he was a man with catlike reflexes. I heard Raki yelp, then mumble apologetically.

"Are you alright? That was quite a spill there." James said, helping Grandma to her feet. Raki still looked a little stunned, then stood up and took a few steps back.

"I'm okay, I'm not as frail as I look. And I'm very flexible." she said, looking Raki's direction. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "Come on in…dinner is ready. I'll set some extra seats. You can sit next to me." she said, giving Raki a sultry look then turned to walk inside. She tried to sashay her hips, but it only made her look like she needed a walker.

As we followed her inside I heard Raki lean over and whisper to James "I think she did that on purpose. And she…she touched me inappropriately."

"Aye…didn't Bobby tell you to wear a cup?" James whispered back.

When we got inside new place settings were promptly put out, and we all gathered around the table.

"So Stephanie…who are your friends?" my mother asked politely, setting down a steaming pot of something I didn't recognize.

"This is James. We're sort of….dating." I offered. James gave me a crooked smile that made my heart skip a beat.

"Oh my! Well so wonderful to meet you!" my mother replied. Her eyes lit up and I could see the gears churning. She was probably wondering if the VFW hall was booked up.

"Very pleased to meet you Mrs. Plum, Mr. Plum." James said, standing up and shaking each of their hands.

"Where are you from?" my Dad asked, noticing the accent.

"Ireland, sir." he replied. "But that was when I was a little tyke. I've been in America for almost twenty years."

"What happened to your legs?" Grandma Mazur blurted out.

"Mother!" my Mom exclaimed.

"No, it's alright. I was injured in the line of duty at Trenton PD. A drunk driver hit me." he explained.

"Wow. I bet that hurt." Grandma commented.

"It certainly did. And sometimes they still do. They call it 'phantom pains.' My brain doesn't exactly understand that they're gone sometimes." he explained, sitting back down next to me.

"You still work for the police?" my Dad asked.

"No sir. They wanted me to, but I'm working for Rangeman until I can find a department that will let me go back to regular patrol instead of an office job." he explained.

My father only grunted in acknowledgment, and focused instead on the food. My father wasn't much for table conversation. He suspiciously eyed the steaming pot and the mashed potatoes my Mother had just place on the table. She sat down the usual plate of broccoli, which everyone knew was for decoration only. But when she put a bowl of salad on the table my Dad reacted.

"What the hell is this supposed to be?" my Dad grumbled, dipping a ladle into the pot and dumping what looked like a stew into his bowl.

"Dinner." my mother replied. "It's vegetable stew, mock mashed potatoes made from cauliflower, broccoli, and a nice fresh garden salad." she answered.

"Where's the beef?" Grandma said. I snickered.

"I hope you didn't do this on my behalf. I am Hindu and a vegetarian, but there's no need for to abstain from meat just because I'm here." Raki offered, confused.

"Actually, Stephanie didn't tell me. I just thought we could all stand to eat a little healthier around here." she explained. "And you are…." she prompted.

"Sorry Mom. This is Raki. He's a good friend and an instructor of mine." I offered.

"He's my date." Grandma Mazur explained, and I saw her hand slip over towards his lap.

Raki jumped a little in his chair and blurted out "I'm gay!" in a high pitched voice.

Grandma frowned disappointedly. "Really Stephanie….you should do some homework to see if a guy is light in the loafers before you set someone up on a blind date." she complained.

Raki stared daggers at me and I tried not to burst out laughing. James whispered in my ear "And to think…I was getting a little jealous over you two."

"I don't care who's who, who eats what, and who has sex with who. I. NEED. MEAT." my Dad growled, his face getting red.

"I'll heat up the leftover meatloaf." my mother hurriedly responded, rushing back to the kitchen.

"So what's with Mom's health kick?" I asked, trying some of the vegetable stew while Raki helped himself to the ornamental broccoli. To not have meat front and center at the dining table was a Plum family first. "Did your last physical go okay Dad?"When my Dad didn't answer I suddenly was worried something was wrong with his heart or he was developing high blood pressure or cholesterol.

"Actually, it's for you." Grandma Mazur explained, poking at the mock mashed potatoes with the serving spoon and examining the pile closely.

"Me?" I asked, watching my mother set a plate of meatloaf down next to my father. He wasted no time spearing a huge hunk and inhaling it.

"Yes dear. I know it was a rough time after the funeral and all, so it's not your fault. But the ladies at the salon can be so cruel." she offered hesitantly.

"What do you mean? What did they say?" I asked, flabbergasted.

"They just noticed you were getting a little plumper, that's all. I'm just trying to help you get back into shape." she said, giving me a weak smile.

"Plump nothin'…Phyllis Gardner said you must have eaten all of the funeral leftovers singlehandedly, and Rosie Howell called you a cow and said you ought to go back to your fat camp!" Grandma offered.

"Fat camp?" James asked.

"I'm not fat!" I shrieked a little too loudly. I surprised myself by starting to tear up. Damn pregnancy hormones.

"You're beautiful." James reassured, placing a comforting arm around my shoulder and I leaned into him.

"Don't worry Stephanie. I showed them. I grabbed a couple of bottles of chemicals off the counter, and created a distraction so that I could put them in the bowls of dye their hairdresser's were mixing up. Phyllis had half her hair burnt off and Rosie's turned purple!"

"How did you create a distraction?" James inquired.

"I told them that one of your cars just exploded up the street and everyone went to look." she smiled proudly.

"Thanks Grandma." I said sincerely.

"Since when do your cars explode?" James asked.

"It's why they call me Bombshell. And for the record, it wasn't my fault. And I haven't had a car explode in eight months."Of course that was only by virtue of a long absence and the now constant monitoring that my several thousand dollar anti-tampering system provided. I already caught two skips trying to wire it to blow in early October.

His eyes widened a bit. I hoped he knew what he was in for with me. But to my surprise he just shrugged and decided to brave the mashed potatoes, scooping a large serving and giving my mother an appreciative nod at the first bite. She beamed at him. My Dad kept a possessive eye on the last piece of meatloaf and shoved the salad away from him. But then I noticed James started moving around in his seat uncomfortably.

"You gettin' some of them phantom pains?" Grandma asked him.

"No. Bob is chewing on my leg and I can't shake him off." James replied.

"I'll put him in the backyard." Raki offered, getting up from the table.

"Can't you work your dog whisperer magic and get him to do a time out in the corner or something?" I asked him. It hadn't occurred to me, but with all three of our powers combined surely we could shape Bob up to behave more like a regular dog.

He sighed. "I am one of the foremost experts in dog training for the military and police in the country, and I'm in demand internationally for expertise and instruction. While you were taking care of some things, I tried for almost an hour to get him to follow any command back at the house. While he's highly food and affection motivated, he does not respond to any training technique I've ever even heard about. I tried everything. It's perplexing." Bob poked his head out from under the table and cocked his head Raki's direction, his tongue lolling happily out of the side of his mouth. Raki frowned at him. Bob just stared back at him dumbly.

When Raki returned from putting Bob in the backyard, James struck up some conversation with him and they began sharing notes about dog training. Raki said wouldn't be in town long before he had to fly out to Germany for a conference, and they planned to take Kody out for some impromptu lessons tomorrow. James told him about his preparatory training to become a K9 officer prior to the accident, and Raki promised he put in a good word with his contacts at police agencies. James eyes light up with hope, and my heart contracted when I saw it.

But then my heart immediately dropped into my feet when I looked up and saw that the clock on the wall said it was 6:28pm. Oh crap.

"So do you know anything about car engines Raki?" James questioned. "My engine keeps stalling, and I'm not sure what the problem is." He put extra emphasis on the word 'stalling.' I tried to kick him under the table, but then I remembered he had no legs and couldn't feel it. 

Raki picked up on it immediately. "Well, stalling could be for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes the idle speed is wrong. Fuel filter maybe. Stalling is not good. You let it go on too long, and the problem just gets worse." he offered, smirking at me. Vengeful bastard. I stared icicles at him.

"If it's stalling you ought to get the idle air controller checked, and make sure it's not some bad gas." my Dad offered helpfully. I twisted in my seat. It was 6:29pm.

Suddenly James started coughing uncontrollably.

"Are you okay?" my mother exclaimed.

"I'm fine maam. Sorry…I almost choked." he told her, slyly turning towards me and giving a private wink. Asshole.

6:30 pm on the dot. The deal with Angie was off. I had to make my move, but I couldn't think of a way to break it to her gently enough that she wouldn't freak out and ask a million questions and start a parade down the street announcing it over a bullhorn. I frantically tried to formulate a plan.

It was 6:32. The phone rang, and my mother stood up and walked over towards it.

"Don't answer that!" I yelped.

"Honey, dinner is almost over and it's probably the ladies at my bridge club calling about hosting tomorrow…." she explained, reaching for the cradle.

"No!" I yelled.

"Stephanie Michelle Plum! What is your problem?" she turned, hands on her hips.

"I just…I'm…ummm…" I stammered helplessly. Then everything changed to slow motion when she picked the phone up off the cradle.

Before it reached her ear I blurted out. "Joe Morelli knocked me up 3 months before he died and I'm due in April."

Everyone's jaw dropped. A bit of meatloaf fell out of my Dad's mouth at the same time Grandma's dentures fell out and plopped into her bowl of stew. My mother simply stood there frozen in shock with the phone in her hand…at first. But then she turned pale, her eyelids fluttered, and she passed out cold and fell onto the floor.

My Dad recovered first. "Congratulations pumpkin." he offered, reaching over and giving my shoulder a proud squeeze. Then he resumed eating his meatloaf.

Grandma was down on the ground checking my mother for signs of life and slapped her in the face a few times. "Helen! Wake up. Hell just froze over!"

"Well, I'm stuffed. Time to go." Something told me it would not be worth sticking around for a mock dessert and for my mother to regain consciousness. Problem solved. I looped my arm through James elbow and practically dragged him away from the table, still gawking at scene before him. I think I could do without any leftovers this time.


	58. Under Construction

_Hope ya'll enjoyed the last chapter of dinner with the family. I've got some ideas to make Ranger redeem himself a bit, because as usual many of you doubt me at my word of a Babe HEA. But there is much to come so I thank you for your patience. Your reviews really make my day during these hard times and motivate me to keep writing, so thank you to each of you who wrote one! ~CarpeFicNDiem (AKA: Tahara)_

Chapter 58

After dropping off Raki & Bob at Bobby's house for the night, James and I went by Pino's on the way home to get me some real food. I stayed in the car and James went in to grab a takeout order to spare me from the Burg gossip that had probably made it around town by now.

"Do you want to come in?" I asked James when he walked me to the front of my apartment complex. It was still early, and after what I'd just put him through I thought it would be nice to hang out and remind him that my family was much crazier than I was.

"As much as I'd like to, and believe me…I'd really like to, I've got an early morning and a big day tomorrow. Besides, I'd much rather take you for a proper date, since you told your family we're dating after all."

He was right. We never had been on an actual date. We'd trained Kody at the park and hung out at my apartment a lot, but then out of nowhere I invited him to meet my family. I suddenly felt stupid and insecure. "I…I'm sorry if I misspoke. I just thought we were headed that direction I guess. I didn't mean to…" I babbled, but the rest of my words were swallowed up when his mouth covered mine in a kiss so passionate I felt weak at the knees. He clutched me tightly, his strong hands grasped around my shoulder and waist. He was an incredible kisser, and I wrapped my arms around him and traced my fingers across the warm muscles on his back. When he finally pulled away I was breathless.

"Don't do that again, Stephanie Plum." he told me sternly.

"Do what?" I asked.

"Don't ever doubt the way I feel about you again. I've never felt this way about a woman before." he told me, his voice husky. I cradled my head into his shoulder and he ran his fingers through my hair.

"Never?" I asked, my heart beating out of my chest.

"Well, there was Gretchen O'Malley." he said.

I started to pull away, but he pulled me closer and lifted my chin to meet his sparkling green eyes. "Don't worry lass, she stole my crayon then kissed my friend Patrick on the merry go round and broke my heart." he assured me. I giggled.

"How did you get to be so wonderful?" I asked him, hugging my arms tightly around his waist.

"My mother I suppose." he admitted, still stroking my hair gently.

"I showed you mine, will you show me yours?" I said, only half joking.

"I would give anything if I could Stephanie…but I buried her off the shore of my homeland years ago." he said sadly. "She would have adored you though. I can almost hear her now telling me not to mess this up."

"You're not. Not even close." I told him, standing up on my tip toes to kiss him. I poured everything I was feeling into it. He was something special, and I was determined that I'd better not be the one to mess this up.

"I'd better go…early morning and all that. And if you kiss me like that again I don't know if I'll be able to resist your charms." he told me, releasing me slowly. "I'm sure with all the latest news going around town you'll want to keep us low profile for a while, so would you mind if our first real date you came over to my place and let me cook you dinner?" he asked.

"I would love to." I smiled back at him. He leaned down to kiss me again, but stopped suddenly when his phone vibrated at his hip.

"Damn…I'd really better go. My plans just got moved up to 5:30 am." he told me, turning to walk towards his car.

"What could you possibly need to do that early that doesn't involve milking a cow?" I teased him as he got into his car.

"Ranger asked me to meet him on the mats. He just texted me to change the time." he told me, shutting the car door and starting the engine.

My jaw dropped, but before I could stop him he had backed up and was on his way out of the parking lot.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Meet him on the mats! Seriously! I had a couple of choice words for Ranger….which was a good thing because when I walked into my apartment he was inside waiting for me.

"You've got a lot of nerve showing up here after today." I told him, my voice dripping icicles. Kody growled and I patted him on the head.

"I need to ask you a favor." he replied. He was perfectly still and his eyes were vacant of anything I could recognize.

"You're joking right?" I yelled.

"Calm down. It's not good for the baby." he told me.

"Oh really? So now you give a damn about my baby! A few hours ago you wanted it dead!" I screamed at him.

"I don't expect you to understand why I reacted that way. It's better if you don't." he answered, his voice revealing nothing.

"You're right. I don't understand. And I don't want to know what could make a man that cruel and heartless." I spat at him. His body tightened, and I could tell my words had the desired effect of hurting him.

"Maybe I deserve that. But I'm here on business." he replied cooly.

"Just like it will be business as usual at 5:30 am tomorrow? Leave James out of this." I challenged.

"He needs to prove that he can protect his partner and maintain his balance in hand to hand combat if he's going to have a chance at any special ops we do, much less joining a police department again." Ranger answered.

I didn't respond. That was a good reason, but it surely wasn't the only reason. I'd seen the jealous look on his face earlier this afternoon, and I suspected it wasn't just a coincidence that James had gotten the text right before he was going to kiss me goodbye. But I secretly hoped that Ranger got a swift kick of titanium to his crotch, so I let it alone. Ranger was the best fighter around, but I knew that James could take care of himself and at least get in some good hits that Ranger very much deserved.

"Fine. Well I doubt if I'll have time to do you any favors Ranger….I'm so busy sleeping with random men that I may not have the time." I digged at him. He didn't take the bait.

"I have a special project that I need you to be in charge of. It is a rush job and I need it completed in four months, so I need someone I can trust to make it happen." he answered.

"You're the boss." I replied coldly, letting him know that was all he was to me now. I saw his jaw tighten ever so slightly.

"I need you to meet the contractor across from the Trenton police station at 10am. I'm building a new Rangeman gun range and training facility on that lot. It will be top of the line with the most advanced technology. You'll find the plans and specs from the consultant on your desk in the morning, so you'll need to go over them for a few hours beforehand. I'll need you to make all the decisions from tomorrow on. I'll be taking several trips to Miami to train incoming personnel I just hired, so I won't have the time." he explained.

"Fine." I responded flatly. But secretly, I felt excited at the prospect and couldn't wait to look over the plans in the morning. This was a huge responsibility and an opportunity for me to contribute something important and long lasting to Rangeman.

"One more thing…since you'll be in charge of this project I'll need you to dress more professionally. You'll be having a lot of meetings with some important people." he informed me.

"Fine." Crap. I knew for a fact that I wouldn't be able to fit my burgeoning stomach into any of my nicer suits and skirts, and I hadn't bought any maternity clothes yet.

"I've taken care of it already. Ella has some maternity clothes purchased for you already waiting at the office, and put anything else you need on the company credit card." Ranger and his freakin' ESP.

I started to thank him, but stopped myself. He owed me a huge apology, and he couldn't buy me off with clothes or trusting me with special projects. "Is that all?" I asked him, trying to keep my face blank.

"Yes." he answered.

"Then please leave." I commanded him. He said nothing and complied, leaving the room swiftly and shutting the door behind him. As it closed I started to cry, but I made sure the tears were silent.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

The next morning was a rush of activity prepping to meet the contractor, and all I saw of James was him limping towards the medical room to have Bobby look him over and ice down his injuries. I knew it was normal to be extremely sore and covered in bruises after defensive tactics training, but it still pissed me off nonetheless. I wondered how much rougher Ranger was being on him than he would the rest of his men. I took a second to look over the calendar and noticed the mat room had been reserved almost every morning that Ranger wasn't going to be in Miami to work with James exclusively. What the hell?

But there was no time to ask questions because I realized quickly how much work and research I had to do. After I'd met with the contractor I realized what a big job it was going to be to complete this project in the allotted time frame and still make sure the facility was high tech and the best of its kind. James was too busy recuperating from his morning fights or holding training sessions with Raki and Kody while I was on the job site the first few days, so we only saw each other in passing. I had a nice lunch with Raki before he left, and we promised to email and call more often. He also vowed to come to town to see me when the baby was born.

James and I set up our date night for Saturday night, but had to cancel since Ranger had booked me for an early flight on Sunday and I had to pack and prepare. I wondered if he'd somehow done it on purpose to keep us apart, but told myself there was no way he could have known about our plans. Fortunately all of the gorgeous clothes Ella had bought me meant I was already well prepared for the trip. He was flying me out to visit two of the best military and police gun ranges and training centers in the country to get ideas and vendor recommendations. I may not be cut out for the corporate world but a business trip was actually exciting and interesting, and the first class tickets didn't hurt either.

The project consumed me for the next week after I got back, and James was so preoccupied with his defensive tactics training and a new operation Ranger let him join in on that we decided to wait until the following Saturday to get together. Thanksgiving was the week after that, so I owed him a real date before I asked him join in on a Plum family Thanksgiving.

As much as I wanted to go on my first date with James, the building project had filled me with a new energy and I didn't dwell on the postponement. I was overflowing with ideas. I had consulted with Raki before he left to incorporate some of the same equipment I'd trained on in his basement gym, and I was building a training library with some of the same books. It was only due to the training he had given me that I even felt that I had enough perspective to handle the project from design to completion. The building was going to be spectacular.

On one side was the range as well as a storage warehouse for the shooting and training equipment. I was designing it to practice shooting in every possible scenario, and even had a garage door so that cars could be pulled in and you could practice shooting from inside the vehicle or using it for cover. There were 25 full lane setups in the back for simple target shooting. But in front of the lane dividers it was open terrain so that multiple shooting scenarios could be practiced with as many targets as desirable. Each target had a sophisticated mechanical system on it so that they could be dropped down or turned in a variety of timings, centrally controlled by a computer with multiple programs to choose from. I was going to stock up on every size and type of target available. The ventilation system was the latest and greatest so that lead exposure would be kept to a bare minimum.

I was planning on building a nice office for the Rangemaster in the rear, with an adjoining gun safe that was large enough to fit a decent arsenal. I was going to be knee deep in research for a while on the best rifles, shotguns, and handguns to fill it up with. Fortunately Ranger had previously arranged for the Trenton PD Rangemaster to mull over the plans with me and give me all sorts of advice and tips to make it even better and select the best equipment.

The second level above the range was going to be a miniaturized version of the FBI's "Hogan's Alley." I'd purchased handguns designed to shoot simunitions rounds, which were essentially mini-paintballs for training purposes. There were mock setups and furniture to simulate rooms in businesses and residences, and I was setting it up with special wall dividers that could be moved. This meant it could be changed into different size and style of room setups. Because the range below was so long to accommodate rifle shooting and not just handguns and shotguns, it was large enough that a building entry and search could be drilled beforehand if the layouts were available.

The roof of on top of the range portion was simply open to the elements with tall and thick surrounding walls. The ground was covered with a durable yet slightly soft material perfect for running on without impacting the joints as much as concrete did. I would have a track outline added for basic timed running, but the entire area was open and unobstructed for any kind of outdoor drill or exercises they needed to do. The entire side of the building was a climbing wall complete with all the necessary rope equipment to practice rappelling from the roof level.

Ranger had managed to pull some strings and spared no expense to install a heavily reinforced ceiling on the gun range that would allow more levels to be built above it, but regulations would not allow anything to be built on the same level next to it. For this reason a landscaped courtyard and secure parking area separated the two buildings.

The adjacent building was three fully enclosed levels. The lowest level held a huge mat room for fighting and all manner of defensive tactics, a regulation style boxing ring, a small storage room for equipment, and a cleaning closet to help mop up the sweat that was sure to accumulate. There was also a small lap pool in a side room that was also deep enough to practice small scale diving rescue operations. The second level was a gym filled with the best exercise equipment money could buy and locker rooms complete with hot tubs. I also added a kitchenette and break room. The third floor had two large classrooms with all the latest audio and visual equipment, conference room, and my favorite idea of the training library with a flat screen TV and some couches.

As exciting as it was to work on the project, it also gave me an excuse to avoid the Burg gossip chain. My phone voicemail box was full. I had about a hundred congratulatory emails, so I was infinitely grateful that I had not yet caved and gotten a Facebook page. Because the job site was across from the police station, every officer I'd ever met and some I hadn't came across the street to congratulate me and share their stories of Joe. The entire department was still grieving over the loss of him and the pregnancy had breathed new life into their morale. The ladies in dispatch had started a scrapbook of memories and every single person in the department was writing letters and sharing pictures about Joe so that I would have something special to pass on to our child to let them know who their father was. It meant the world to me and eased my mind immensely.

The only messages I returned were to Lula and Connie and Mary Lou, who were so excited for me and planning a joint baby shower. They were a little ticked that they didn't hear it from me first, but understood that once I told the families there was no way to get to everyone else quickly enough before the news spread. I'd talked to my mother a few times, who was over the moon and had somehow become best friends with Angie Morelli. They were planning the nursery together, and I'd given them permission to take care of creating a registry for all the baby items I would need. They were renting out the VFW hall for a second baby shower and were inviting everyone in town.

When Friday came I was so excited about the next night I couldn't wait. Mary Lou and I planned a shopping trip the next morning for a sexy maternity dress for our first date, if such a thing existed. I missed James, and had only seen him in passing all week long. He looked tired every time I saw him, so I intended to find out what Ranger was putting him through every morning and what I could do to stop it.


	59. Greener Pastures

_So I apologize in advance to those of you who won't like this chapter. I know I'm taking some angsty twisty turns on ya'll, but this should be the last big one before Ranger and Stephanie battle it out to reach the big conclusion. But I'm going to follow my heart on this chapter before I wind things down to a resolution. Again, thank you so much for the reviews that keep me going when life keeps knocking me down. ~CarpeFicNDiem (AKA: Tahara)_

Chapter 59

"So how do I look Kody?" I asked him. He looked up and cocked his shaggy head at me, then resumed chewing on his giant bone. I'd found a beautiful kelly green skirt and matching top in a light and flowing material for our date. Irish people like green right? The skirt was stretchy enough to accommodate my growing belly for awhile, and the top was tailored only to the bust line. Underneath the princess cut it had several gauzy layers that were loose and fell just below the waist. Somehow it still skimmed my body closely, but would expand to fit me as I grew. The top only had thin straps with sheer cap sleeves, and it was low cut to show enough skin to create some sex appeal. Mary Lou had enough kids that she knew her stuff, and we'd had hours of fun shopping. I'd picked up a lot of things, but this was by far the nicest.

I was determined to put on some three inch strappy heels despite my shifting center of gravity, so I selected a shiny bronze pair that should do the trick, and put on some matching bronze earrings and choker. I pulled my hair back and left a few stray tendrils around my face. I put on more makeup than usual with a few extra coats of mascara for courage. I perused myself in the mirror and decided that I looked as good as I possibly could given my predicament. I threw on a warm coat in the just above freezing weather, and slid a Glock 9mm into the right front pocket and an extra magazine in the left. Baby or no baby, some things would have to remain the same forever.

When I got to James' house I was immediately impressed. It was a quaint little house with a generous front porch painted in a cheery pale yellow. It wasn't in the Burg, but it wasn't too far from it either. I could see a wooden ramp built off to the side that ran towards the driveway, and I realized it must have been hastily built while he was learning to walk again and using a wheelchair. Thinking about what he'd been through I realized that there was a lot I didn't know about him, and a lot more I wanted to learn.

I knocked on the front door and waited, but he didn't answer. I knocked again. Still no answer. I called his cell phone, but it went to voicemail right away. His car was still in the driveway, so I started to worry. I tried the door handle and it was unlocked. Cautious, I put my hand in my right pocket and opened the door slightly with my left.

"Hello?" I called out loudly. No response. I opened the door a little further and peeked inside. His home was absolutely lovely, with rich brown leather chairs and dark wood furniture everywhere. But I felt a growing sense of alarm so I ignored the surroundings and signaled Kody silently into alert mode. I entered and pulled out my handgun, scanning the room and going into stealth mode. I tried to remember everything I had learned about building searches, and was careful to wait until I had cover before calling out his name to see if he would respond. Nothing. I took off my coat and draped it on the couch so that I could move more freely, and took off my shoes and went barefoot so that the heels wouldn't click loudly on the wood floor.

I saw the dining room off to my right that would likely lead into the kitchen, so I approached carefully with Kody at my side. The table was set with the finest china and a graceful candleabra. I could hear some beautiful Celtic music with ethereal voices lilting softly in the background from a small stereo in the corner. Very romantic, but I ignored it and entered the kitchen without delay. I was slow and careful of my angles so I was sure that I would see any intruder before they saw me. It was called "slicing the pie," so I performed the maneuver diligently to be sure I didn't take any chances.

Once I knew the kitchen was clear I noticed the smell of something just starting to burn. I quietly opened the oven to see that something was slightly overdone. I turned it oven off and left the door cracked open to dissipate the heat so that it wouldn't cook any further. Then I turned off a pot of red sauce on the stove that was about to boil over, as well as all of the other burners that had anything on them. It looked like he had tried to cook Italian, which made me smile. Brave man considering that was my family of origin and he had a lot to live up to.

Once the ground floor was cleared the only other way was up. "James?" I called up the stairs, ducking back behind the wall. I heard something move, and my worry turned to fear. I thought about calling Rangeman for backup, but had second thoughts. Maybe he was just in the shower and didn't hear me. I didn't want the Merry Men crashing our first date. I especially didn't want Ranger to show up and ruin everything, and I'd taken the effort to disconnect the tracker on my car on purpose tonight to ensure that much. Of course I'd texted Bobby to let him know if I went offline for a few hours everything was kosher.

The stairs would be what you call a "tunnel of death" with nowhere to hide, so for safety I sent Kody up to the top step first. I could see him check on either side of him when he reached it, and he didn't signal on anything so I followed him up swiftly and silently. When I reached the top I could see that there was one long hall with three doors. The one to my right was closed and dark. The one directly in front of me was wide open and I could see it was a bathroom with no place to hide. The one on my left was cracked and I could see a light coming from it, so I warily headed that way. When I reached the other side of the door I stayed hidden but called out one last time.

"Stephanie! Don't come in here!" James responded, his voice frightening me with its sudden intensity.

"James! What's wrong? Are you alright?" I answered back, slowly pushing the door open with my hand but staying low and back towards the wall.

"I'm..I'm fine. I don't want you to see me like this." his voice cracked and he sounded like he was in pain.

"James…I'm coming inside." I declared, determined. I tucked my gun in the back of my skirt and signaled Kody to go back downstairs and guard the front door.

Please…just wait downstairs and I'll come down in a bit." he begged me, his voice was choked with pain. I was having none of it. When I stepped inside the room I was shocked at what I saw.

He was laying on the floor with his back propped up against the doorjamb leading to an adjoining bathroom. I could see a trail of blood leading from it, and his prosthetic legs were taken off and looked hastily thrown on the floor by the bed. I could see some scattered first aid supplies and gauze around him, mostly wet with blood. He was wearing only his boxers and was covered in cold sweat. My eyes trailed down to the bottom of his legs and I could see his stumps were covered in scabs and bruises that were obviously the source of all of the bleeding.

"James! What happened!" I exclaimed, rushing to his side and getting down on my knees next to him. He stared at the floor and wouldn't meet my eyes. His fists were clenched and his breathing was heavy.

"James…talk to me. Please." I asked him. Seeing him in pain affected me so strongly that I was surprised by its power. I put my hand gently on his cheek.

"Shit. I'm sorry Stephanie. I never wanted you to see me like this." he repeated, looking ashamed.

"See you like what? In pain? This looks excruciating! Why didn't you call me?" I fussed, grabbing for the first aid kit to see what I could do to patch him up. He grabbed my hand and stopped me.

"Don't. Just go." he pleaded, still staring at the floor.

"What? Why? You need help. Let me help you." I asked him, ducking down and forcing him to meet my eyes.

"Damn it Stephanie! Just leave me alone. I'm fucking pathetic." he argued.

"What are you talking about? You're just hurt…." I replied.

"I don't want you to see me looking like half a man!" he snapped, then went silent and froze.

After a long, tense pause he relaxed his body and spoke again. "I'm sorry to speak that way to you…it's just…you wouldn't understand." he said quietly.

"Oh really?" Now I was ticked. "I wouldn't understand. Seriously?" When I'm mad sometimes I get impulsive. At least that's my explanation for what I did next. I slid off my top and threw it on the floor, kneeling before him clad only in my bra and skirt.

That seemed to get his attention. His head darted up and hiseyes shot open as he looked at me in shocked confusion. His gaze went immediately to my chest and the tattoo of the phoenix rising like I knew it would. Not only was he a man, but it was truly spectacular work of art. As he stared I grabbed his hand and pulled it near. I held out his index finger and traced it across my chest. I ran it along the body of the phoenix and the ashes at the base from which it rose, where it delicately camouflaged the letter B. I continued across my chest with his finger, tracing along the letters that used to be there. At first his hand jerked back in surprise, but then he relaxed his arm as he tried to comprehend what I was communicating to him.

"If you look closely you can see speckles of where some of the ink used to be." I told him.

"What the hell? Why did you spell…" he asked, visibly shaken.

"It was a tattoo. They did it prison style. I was conscious the whole time. It was what they called me the week I was held prisoner and tortured." I explained.

He sucked in a breath. "Christ! Stephanie…" I turned around so that my back was facing him and he could see the scars from the whiplashes. They much less defined now thanks to the laser treatments in Colorado, but it would be at least a year before they turned pale like Raki's instead of bright pink like they were now.

"There were cigarette burns, cuts, and scabs all over my arms and legs too. It took four months of laser treatments to break up the scar tissue so that you can't see them anymore. But the worst scars are the ones no one can see." I told him, my voice cracking just like it did every time I let the crevasse of darkness open up inside of me.

Walking in on James like this triggered me and I flashed back for a second, remembering the look on Ranger's face during the rescue when I dragged my body into the doorway broken and bleeding. I remembered the day I woke up in the hospital, and I found myself wondering how Ranger felt when he saw me in the worst moments of my life. I wondered what he went through…what that all meant to him. But maybe it was just guilt or pity, because the way he was treating me now it surely wasn't love. I tried to erase those thoughts from my head and focused instead on the feeling of James touching my back.

"My God…" he cursed softly, tracing his fingers gently along the criss-crossed lines.

I turned back to face him. "So do you pity me?" I asked him. He looked stunned.

"No! Never! Of course not… You amaze me Stephanie. Every moment I'm with you I fall deeper…" he trailed off.

"How you feel when you look at me like this….that's how I feel when I see you now." I told him softly, placing my hand over his heart. I could feel it almost beating out of his chest. "It's not pity." I stated with conviction.

"What is it then?" he asked me. I was taken aback, and darted my eyes to the wood floor. I shyly stared at a knot while my mind raced. The old me didn't want to say it, but if life had taught me anything lately it was that it was too short to waste a single moment. Fuck it.

"I think it's love." I told him, my hand trembling. I held my breath and looked up at him.

"Aye. It is." he answered back, his brilliant green eyes staring into the deepest parts of me. I had this strange feeling that he could see inside to a part of me that no one else had before, and it was like the rest of the world fell away and it was just the two of us. He leaned towards me and swallowed my mouth into fevered kiss. He clutched me to him and I could feel his cool skin against mine, and I moaned into his mouth. He groaned low in his throat and the heat between us grew exponentially. I could feel the blood rush to my ears…and other places. I leaned into him and he shifted his weight, jerking suddenly when his lower leg dragged across the floor.

"I'm sorry!" I apologized frantically, pulling back quickly.

"No don't apologize…I'm the one that told you that love is pain, and in the end it's worth it." he joked.

"That you did." I agreed. I smiled at him, but was distracted from the moment worrying about his legs. "So tell me what happened." I commanded him.

"Well the therapist that the police department forces me to see says that I have trouble accepting my limitations." he chuckled.

"And that means what?" I asked.

"It means that fighting every morning for two weeks, working more than eight hours a day in the field, and standing up all day trying to make everything perfect for our date tonight is more than my legs will let me do." he answered.

"That's putting it mildly. Your bathroom looks like a scene from Psycho." I challenged, putting my hands on my hips.

"My sores tore open right before you got here, and I was scrambling to try to patch myself together before you arrived. I was in the bathroom and I think I passed out from the pain, so I didn't hear you come in."

"Your legs look like someone ran over them with a truck." I told him, grabbing the first aid kit to see what I could use to bandage them up. He started laughing. "What's so funny?" I asked.

"Technically speaking, someone did run over them with a truck. But that was almost ten months ago." he chuckled.

"Oh yeah…." I replied, getting to the work of bandaging his legs. He was still reluctant, but when I threatened to call Bobby he relented and sat back while I gingerly applied an antibacterial cream and wrapped them in gauze. I was as gentle as I could be, but I could tell it was still causing him significant pain.

"Do you have anything for the pain?" I asked him.

"I don't like taking that stuff. I hate it, in fact. Plus, it will probably knock me out cold in an hour. Call me a masochist, but I'd put up with just about anything to spend more time with you." he admitted. I smiled.

"If you take some, I promise to be here when you wake up." I pledged.

"Then give me two before you change your mind." he answered immediately with a sly grin. He pointed towards the medicine cabinet. I found some painkillers, and gave him two with a cup of water. He swallowed them dutifully.

"Now that there is what you call an oral contract. No take-backs." he told me, putting a hand on my thigh.

"Cross my heart and hope to die." I replied, putting my hand on his. Our eyes met and the slow burn started again between us. I got nervous and changed the subject.

"So what caused all the sores and blisters? Surely that can't just be from standing up too long…." I quizzed him.

"The physical work I'm doing is building muscle and also putting pressure on my stumps. It is changing their shape, and stump socks won't cut it anymore to buffer it. They're good for running, but wrestling around and kicking is not what they're designed for. It's rubbing me and making blisters and pressure sores. I need to get them remolded, but that takes a while and I couldn't get an appointment until the third of next month. I really need something custom designed, but that would cost a fortune." He said something else about neuromas and pressure points and phantom pain triggers, but I was so furious that my mind wandered off and I didn't follow all of it.

"My doctor would kill me if he knew what I was up to." he admitted.

"I'm going to kill Ranger. I'm putting a stop to this." I declared, seething.

"No…please. Don't say anything. I've got to prove myself." James said sharply.

"You don't have to prove anything to him!" I argued.

"You don't understand. He's helping me. I learned basic Jujitsu and Controlled Force tactics in the academy, but nothing like this. The man is a force of nature. I've never seen anyone who could beat him. He makes MMA champions look like amateurs. He knows every martial art there is, and he's so quick that you never see it coming. He has a counter for every move, and we're figuring out how to adapt them to my disability together. He has Tank videotaping it and cutting a demonstration video." he explained excitedly.

"Demonstration video?" I questioned.

"It's something to send out to police departments to show them that I can do regular patrol work, including fighting for my life or someone else's just as well as the next fellow. He said he'd make sure the Chief at every police department he has contacts with in the country would see it."

I was baffled. What the hell was Ranger up to? Why would he help James? I had thought he was just taking out some sort of jealousy on him because he didn't want anyone else having me, even though he clearly didn't want me. But it was even worse…I realized he must be trying to get him out of the picture. Ranger had contacts at police departments from here to Siberia. I knew James well enough that he would let nothing get in the way of being a police officer again, not even losing me. It looked like Ranger was going to make sure he got an opportunity far away from wherever I was. In the meantime he might be training him for some risky special operation in a third world country that would put him out of touch for months! I'd be damned if I would let that happen, and decided right then that I'd figure out a plan to stop it. My train of thought jumped off the tracks when I realized James was using his hands to slide across the floor towards the bed so he could climb up into it.

"Here, let me help you up. You look exhausted." I offered. He shook his head.

"You shouldn't strain yourself when you're with child. I'm alright." he insisted.

"Well you're not standing up for the rest of the night if I have anything to say about it. I can get you a wheelchair if…." I offered.

"I'm not getting into a fucking wheelchair!" he snapped.

"Your therapist is right. You have issues." I told him.

"Fuck." he responded, blowing out a frustrated breath. I giggled. Something about the way he said it sounded funny to me, because with an Irish accent it came out sounding like 'Feck.'

"So what else does your therapist tell you?" I teased him.

"I'll only tell you if you share tales from fat camp." he teased back.

"No deal. Meanie!" I scolded him.

"Come on over here then and I promise to play nice." he swore, desire sparking in his eyes. I suddenly remembered that I was clad only in my bra and skirt. To my surprise he used his considerable arm strength to spring up off the floor and gracefully turn and land on the side of the bed, using the nightstand to brace himself. It was nothing short of acrobatic, and it drew my attention to just how muscular he was. My eyes wandered lower and I wondered what other tricks he could do. Bad Stephanie!

"I liked your green top." he told me. Oops! He must have noticed me looking. "But I definitely like it better on the floor." he growled. "And I'm not just saying that because I haven't had sex in a year." he said, his voice deep and his eyes hungrily drinking in every inch of my body.

A year! Gulp. "Umm….I bought it just for you. Cause you're Irish." I blurted out. I was surprised at how nervous I was all of the sudden.

"So you think all Irish people must love the color green then?" he said, acting offended. He leaned his marble torso back against the headboard and crossed his arms behind his head. I noticed his carved biceps flexing as he relaxed into them, and my mouth went dry.

"Well isn't Ireland supposed to be the greenest place on the planet or something?" I asked sheepishly.

He gave me a irresistible lopsided grin and ran a hand through his dark curly hair, and my stomach fluttered in response. "Ya know…I got so tired of hearing that for the longest time. Seems like the first few years in America that was the one question people asked over and over till I was so sick of it that I was about to lay into the next person that asked. But then I flew back home for a visit with my cousins. When the plane flew up the coast and I could see the potato fields and sheep grazing next to the glittering blue ocean….I was astounded. And I thought to myself….'it's so feckin' green!'"

I giggled again. "So ya think my accent is funny then, do ya?" he asked, laying it on thicker. Apparently he'd picked up on it.

"Maybe a little. And when you say 'third' it sounds like 'turd.'" I told him, feeling like a silly schoolgirl.

"You naughty lass…why don't you come on over here then and I'll show you me pot o' gold." he waggled his eyebrows at me, patting his hand on the empty side of the bed behind him. I threw my head back and laughed.

"God you are so beautiful when you laugh…I've never wanted a woman more than I want you right now." James uttered, his voice husky.

"Now I know you're only saying that because you haven't had sex in a year." I rolled my eyes at him. "I used to have a freaking six pack, and now it takes an army to zip my pants up. I'm already getting stretch marks!" I complained, hiding my stomach with my hand. I pulled out my gun from my back waistband with my free hand and put it on the nightstand, hoping the skirt would hang looser and not accentuate my belly.

"Holy smokes…there's nothing sexier than a woman with a gun." he muttered.

"Please…I'm anything but sexy right now. I looked around anxiously on the floor for my top, but I couldn't find where I'd flung it.

He cut me off before I could continue. "Stop it Stephanie. You have no idea how beautiful you are. I'm sitting here on my arse doing nothing, and all you have to do stand there and you doing the most amazing thing a body can do. You're making a small human for God's sake! You're smart, tough, kind, funny, and incredibly sexy. And I won't tolerate you saying any different."

From the rising evidence of his need I could see that he was telling the truth. I swallowed thickly, and walked over to the other side of the bed. I couldn't believe how nervous I was. I avoided his gaze and looked out the window. The full moon illuminated a sleek black Porsche Cayenne parked behind my car.

You've got to be kidding? Ranger? Who the hell did he think he was showing up here? My private life was none of his business. I'd made sure there were no trackers on me and I was used to checking now to ensure I wasn't being followed, so he must have guessed where I was spending Saturday night. After the way he'd treated me…the nerve!

"What is it?" James asked, noticing me staring out the window. I knew that from this angle with the light on the nightstand burning bright, Ranger would clearly be able to see me.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing." I answered, turning back to face him.

"I'd usually offer a woman dinner first before I make love to her, but I'm afraid I burned it and I don't think I can wait that long." he said thickly. His breathing was heavy and I could see his impressive arousal straining against his navy boxer shorts.

My nervousness disappeared. Carpe feckin' diem. "We'll order a pizza." I told him, undoing my bra and letting it fall the floor. I heard the wheels of the Porsche peal out as it drove away.

"Sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph…" James groaned, reaching for me as I fell into his bed.

_Authors Note:_

_Ooooooh….I'm so mean! I know all you hard core Babes hate me right now, so as a gracious warning feel free to skip the next chapter update because I can't help but provide an offering of ***SMUT***. But things will turn around for our intrepid couple sooner rather than later, and my story will eventually come to a happy conclusion. *Sigh* What the hell will I do with my free time then? _


	60. When Irish Eyes are Smiling

_Well Christmas is coming early for Stephanie, but right on time for my readers. Sorry I left you guys hanging, but I'm working tons of holiday overtime to pay for our second attempt at surrogacy in January. Cross your fingers! I've come to the conclusion that despite this tantalizing distraction for Stephanie, the story is rapidly working its way to the big finish. I promise not to hurt James too bad, but the man in black waits for no man. It's a short chapter, but much plot development will come…as soon as Stephanie does first! Until then have a very happy Smutcember!. ~Carpe Fic n' Diem (AKA: Tahara) _

Chapter 60

_"Sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph…" James groaned, reaching for me as I fell into his bed._

While deep down I knew that it was next to impossible that I would ever be with a lover a skilled as Ranger, James' expressiveness was beyond compare. And given the extensive period of time he'd been celibate, he was more than a little enthusiastic. All thoughts of Ranger slipped from my mind as James slid his arms around me and rolled on top of me, careful not to put any weight on my stomach.

"I've never heard an Irish Catholic take the Lord's name in vain so much…." I commented breathlessly as he kissed his way down to worship my breasts.

"Jesus fucking Christ..." he muttered when I slid my hand over his boxers while he slid down my body. It was only a brief feel, but I was impressed so far.

He was almost frenzied as he caressed and licked my breasts, teasing the tender points on my already swollen globes. My current state had them enlarged and sensitive, and the hormones had extra blood flow going to my lady parts. The result was that his every touch excited me twice as much, and I was very vocal about it. Every moan drove his excitement higher.

"You are so beautiful Stephanie...I've wanted you for so long." he murmured, skimming his hand over every inch of me as he explored. He gazed over my body, like he was trying to memorize every curve. It was like he couldn't believe he was seeing it, or that he would never see it again.

"I'm not going anywhere James." I reassured him. He looked up and smiled sadly at me, and I knew that I'd struck the nail on the head.

"You know how once you stare death in the face, when something so good finally happens to you... Well, either you don't think it could possibly be real or you're so afraid of losing it...I don't know how to explain it..." he said quietly as he gazed at me.

"You don't have to...I know exactly what you mean." I told him. "But I assure you this is real." I told him, running my hand down past the waistband of his boxers and stroking him through the thin cloth.

"Holy mother of God…" he groaned, his hands clawing at the sheets by my head. Something about the sexual power I had over him was absolutely intoxicating.

"You're not allowed out of bed all weekend." I ordered him sternly in my best sex kitten voice.

"As long as I spend it inside of you, your wish is my command." he answered back, crashing his mouth onto mine. When his tongue slid past my lips I felt the raw emotion he poured into the kiss seeping into me, and I gasped at the intensity.

His mouth wandered to my neck, trailing hot kisses that made me shiver with delight. Then he traced them down my torso, my thighs, and my calves...deftly avoiding the one place I wanted them most. He crept back up until we were face to face, and he rolled us so that I was on top of him. I quickly realized this was so he could shamelessly get his hands on my backside. He grasped me roughly and groaned with satisfaction.

"Find something you like?" I asked devilishly, sitting up and lifting my skirt so I could settle astride him. I felt his manhood twitch beneath me in response, and he sat up and latched his mouth onto my breast. My panties were instantly soaked at the gesture, and I ran my hands through his thick curly hair while he teased and licked my pebbled nipples with his talented tongue.

Without warning he slid his hand up under my skirt and was caressing me at my core. When he slid his finger inside of me, quickly followed by another, spasms of pleasure rushed through me. With the skill of a surgeon he used his other hand to work at my clit so that it was only moments before I exploded into an orgasm. I'm pretty sure I yelled something in a foreign language, even though I don't actually know one.

I wanted more, and I knew exactly where to find it. I still had on my skirt and he still had on his boxers, and I decided it would take too long to remove either. I was done waiting. I grabbed his waistband and pulled jerked them down just enough to realize Christmas had come early for Stephanie Plum.

I wasted no time straddling him and sinking down onto his rock hard length. I don't know which of us moaned louder. We quickly found a rhythm and our bodies moved as one. Sweat beaded on his forehead. He gritted his teeth and threw his head back, shutting his eyes tight. His name spilled over my lips over and over as the pleasure rolled through me all the way from my center to my fingertips. I pressed my hands against his muscled chest to support my weight when I grew dizzy at the sensations washing over me.

"Are you okay?" he asked me in a concerned voice, stilling my hips. I gasped.

"Please don't stop!" I begged.

"You promise you won't pass out or throw up?" he asked, looking a little too worried. I squirmed in his tight grasp, breathless with need. I smiled as I realized he was referring to my reactions the first two times we made out.

"I won't make any promises. Would you stop if I did?" I asked mischievously, reaching behind me to stroke him underneath where we were joined, simultaneously tightening my inner walls to grip him.

The string of curses I ripped from him was impressive, and I was instantly drunk on my own power. I took full advantage of the fact that his hands had left my hips and were currently about to tear a hole through the sheets they were grasping. I ran my hands across his chest and rode him faster.

"I won't make any promises..." he panted in reply.

After a few minutes riding waves of ecstasy, I could tell he was close. "I can't...I...I won't last. God...Stephanie...you feel so good." he groaned, his hands gripping my hips tighter as he drove into me at a less controlled pace.

"So don't. We have all weekend to take it slow…" I murmured breathily. "I'm not leaving your bed until Monday morning." I promised him, rising up and sliding down hard across his full length. I screamed out his name. He growled low in his throat and plunged into me deeper and harder. I was ready to experience my first Irish orgasm, and I could tell it was going to be intense.

We came together, stars bursting behind my eyelids as I shattered into pieces. The earth moved, like all my cars had just exploded at once. Angels sang. And I may have passed out, but only for a second. I'd collapsed onto him, and I don't think he noticed since he looked like he'd just had an out of body experience.

"Do you always say Merry Christmas when you come?" he gasped. His expansive chest was still heaving, and he wrapped his arms around me and held me close.

"At least I was intelligible." I pointed out.

"What did I say?" he asked, wiping the sweat from his brow.

"I'm not too sure. I think I heard the chorus of 'Oh Danny Boy' and 'Loch Lomond' in there somewhere." I lied.

He laughed heartily. "Seeing as you've broken my year dry spell with the best sex I've ever had just now, I'll forgive you the fact that Loch Lomond is Scottish."

He hadn't though. I didn't understand him the first time he said it, but I definitely made it out the second time. The truth was that that when he'd come inside me he'd had told me that he would love me forever. It scared the hell out of me. I told myself it was just the pain medication and the orgasm talking, but deep down I knew he meant it.

We ordered a pizza. Then he made slow, sweet love to me. Then he couldn't stay awake any longer and the pain meds took over. I curled into his side, and woke him up in the morning with my mouth around him. Then we made love again. We kept our promises and stayed in bed all weekend. I didn't have any trouble keeping him on his back so that his legs would heal up enough for work Monday, but I can't say I let him rest much. In between marathon sex sessions, we talked for hours. He told me about his life and family, and we learned more about each other in a few days than we had in the past few months.

Everything was perfect the entire weekend. Everything except for one thing. Just one small, yet huge, thing. I dreamed of Ranger. I dreamed of Ranger that night, and almost every night after that for the next three months.


	61. Mercenary Matchmaker

_So I'm fast forwarding a bit for plot movement and to save me from writing about a pregnancy knowing that I'll never be able to experience one to such a happy conclusion in my own life. But buckle up, because instead I've got some exciting twists and turns ahead. I'll give you one little bitty hint: Ever wonder what Ranger would look like in a loin cloth?_

_~ Carpe Fic' N' Diem (AKA: Tahara)_

Chapter 61

James was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Everyone said so. I was pretty sure someone hired a skywriter, because within days of our first date the whole town knew we were officially a couple. All my friends and family loved him, and we saw each other almost every day either at work or afterwards. At Thanksgiving my family was already treating him as though he was part of the family, which was scary all around.

James was kind and affectionate, and completely supportive of everything I did. He and the other Merry Men helped me pack up and store things in Joe's house, and Hector installed a top of the line Rangeman security system. He even went shopping with me to help pick out furniture, and we safety proofed the entire house for the baby. My mother and Angie Morelli had already started work on the nursery, and were planning a baby shower of epic proportions.

He was my partner in every way, because I knew that I could depend on him for anything I needed. James made sure to make me laugh at least once a day. He never had a problem with me reminiscing about Joe. He still insisted on going with me to every doctor's appointment, and it was next to impossible not to picture him as a father figure to my child even when I tried my best not to think that far ahead.

But as the next few months went by and he shared each special moment with me, it was obvious things were starting to get very serious. He was there with me for all the good moments, like when I felt the baby kick the first time. When we found out that Joe had been right…it was a boy. He was there for the awkward ones, like the day I had to do a paternity test for the Trenton police department in order to have Joe's life insurance and other death benefits signed over to me. He was there for the bad moments, like a brief miscarriage scare I had early into my sixth month. We never talked about the future, but sometimes I lay awake at night while he slept with his hands on my ever-growing belly and wondered.

I'd moved on with my life…during the day at least. But I couldn't really move forward because the dreams were holding me back.

The setting was different every time. Sometimes we were in the woods, other times jungles, and sometimes in the middle of abandoned urban wastelands. But the scene always played out the same way and the emotions were the common theme. I was always frightened, though it wasn't as terrifying as the nightmares I'd had before I was kidnapped. I was never scared for myself, but instead for Ranger. Somehow I knew my baby was going to be okay, but Ranger wouldn't be.

I dreamt that Ranger was lost and running away from something horrible and ominous. I knew he didn't want me to know about it and was running to make sure I was protected from it. At the same time I knew if I didn't find him and save him he was going to die. But every time I got close and caught sight of him, he would disappear around a corner. Every night I made my way through sprawling jungles and climbed mountains hunting for him. I followed him across the world at night.

But as for seeing Ranger during the daytime, he made himself scarce. I had the feeling it was on purpose to avoid me as much as I was avoiding him. He never once apologized to me. He did all his communication with me only about work, and exclusively through email save a few brief, curt, business-like interactions. He did take several trips to Miami to train new personnel. I had the impression that once the building was finished he would be bringing all the newly hired muscle to Trenton for training as he expanded the business. He was serious about the building being completed in February, so I had my hands full making sure it would happen on time.

Things were much more relaxed around the office when he was away…which was a lot. For the full four months of the construction project I had plenty of autonomy and when I wasn't on the construction site I loved working with the guys at the office. The Merry Men doted on me, and were so protective. It was adorable how excited they all were about the baby, and were fighting over who would get to introduce him to which sport. I had no fear about my son having plenty of male role models to roughhouse with. It was no secret they hoped I would stay on at Rangeman and I overheard them talking about converting a large storage closet into a nursery and working out an office daycare situation for me. Ella made sure I religiously ate full, healthy meals and even had the guys hand deliver them to the work site when I was away from Rangeman.

Things went smoothly, and the construction project drew to a close in February. It was about a week away from being done and Ranger hadn't been answering my emails about doing a building dedication or opening of some sort, and I was annoyed because it certainly felt like an occasion worth some sort of celebration or commemoration to me. The building was everything I hoped it would be, and I was incredibly proud of such a huge accomplishment. I was just starting my third trimester, and everything was going perfectly. That is, until the day of my baby shower.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Mom! You rented out the entire VFW Hall for my shower? It's huge! How many people did you invite?" I exclaimed.

"Well there wasn't a question that there had to be an open invitation to everyone at Trenton Police, so I had them post an announcement in the briefing rooms and email it out too. But on top of that there is our entire family, the entire Morelli family, all your co-workers, your friends, my friends, Angie's friends, Mary Lou invited some folks you'll knew from school, the ladies we know from the salon and the bridge club, and your Grandmother had a few friends she wanted to invite. I couldn't exclude anybody. This is the event of the year!" she said breathlessly, as excited as I'd ever heard her.

I sighed. This was her parade and I wasn't going to rain on it. "When do I have to be there?"

"Sunday just after noon. And I already called James and told him to borrow a big black truck or van from work when he brings you. You'll need the space." she commented.

"Space? Why?" I asked. My mother actually had James on her speed dial now.

"For the presents of course!" she explained.

I was sorry I asked. "Presents? You've already stocked the nursery with everything the baby will need! I'm not even registered anywhere." I responded.

"We registered you at a few places over a month ago." she declared. "We've been so busy taking care of everything, so we put your Grandmother and Mary Lou in charge of games & activities. They're out buying supplies right now."

Just then it occurred to me that I'd seen a stack of a dozen types of candy bars at Mary Lou's house last week, right next to a stack of diapers. I realized she planned on using them for the same game we did at her first baby shower. It involved melting them inside the diaper and guessing which was which.

"Don't tell me anything else. I'd rather be surprised." Something told me I'd be better off not knowing.

"Okay hon! See you Sunday. I can hardly wait!" my mother said excitedly.

I hung up the phone and shook my head. This was going to be a circus. My big fat Italian-Hungarian baby shower. I sat down at Joe's kitchen table and blew out a deep breath. I still thought of it as Joe's table. Joe's house. Maybe I always would, but after all the redecoration it felt more like me.

"That's the last load of it." James said, his arms carrying the last box of stuff from my apartment.

"So I guess this means I'm officially moved in, huh?" I asked.

"Just some unpacking left to do here, but aye….there's nothing left at your place. You sound sad about it though, love." he said, setting the box down and sitting next to me.

"I am a little bit. Just saying goodbye to my old life I guess. I felt so strong and independent living there, and now everyone is helping me with everything. It's nice, but it's sinking in that it will never be just me anymore. Big changes coming, and I never seem to feel ready for them when they happen." I admitted.

"Come here gorgeous." he said, scooting his chair up next to mine and pulling me so that I could lean against him. He put his arms around me and rubbed my arm soothingly. "It's not so bad, not being alone. And you're still the strongest woman I know." he reassured me.

"It's selfish of me to feel this way. I've got you and Kody and the guys and so much family and friends supporting me….and I can't wait to meet my son. It's all any woman would ask for. I should be more excited about the future." I said guiltily.

"You're not just any woman though…that's why I love you. And not everything has to change right away. You can still keep your gun in the cookie jar until you the tyke learns to climb. Then you'll have to put real cookies in it I suppose." he said.

I laughed at that. "You're right, there's still time to figure things out." I sighed.

"About the rest of your life, yes. About me…no." he said, tensing suddenly.

"What did you just say?" I asked, thinking I misheard him.

"Stephanie…we need to talk." he said. I turned to look at him and saw he had a dead serious expression on his face.

"Oh God." I gulped. Conversations that begin with that phrase never end well when I'm involved.

"Don't panic, love. I have some news to tell you. Come sit on the couch with me." I followed his lead as he led me to the sofa, and we settled down next to each other.

"Breathe." he told me. I hadn't realized I was holding my breath.

"Okay…spill it." I told him, not able to stand the suspense.

"Two job offers came through this morning. I've been keeping it to myself up until now because I was afraid to get anyone's hopes up and I've had so many false starts, but this is for real. The New Jersey Port Authority has one of the largest K-9 teams out there, and they are willing to give me a shot. I would work a twelve hour schedule and have three to four days off a week." he said, and I could see his eyes light up at the prospect.

"Congratulations! This is what we were hoping for!" I responded, throwing my arms around his neck. As I pulled back from hugging him I realized the southernmost port that department monitored was in Newark. He answered my unspoken question immediately.

"It is an hour commute from here several days a week, but I'd be willing to make the sacrifice if I could come home to you." he stated. It felt like all the air got sucked out of the room.

"James….wha…what are you asking me?" I stammered. His bright green eyes sparkled with amusement.

"Don't worry…I'm not asking you to marry me. I know you well enough to know that would freak you out. But I need to know that you're ready to commit to me if I'm going to take that job. I'd like to come home to you….and your son. I'd like to live together, and we can figure the rest out later when you're ready."

"I don't know what to say….I didn't expect this so soon." I answered, breaking out into a cold sweat. He looked disappointed for a second, then his face hardened. I wasn't used to seeing that.

"There's more. The Port Authority is a great job and my chance to be a full fledged K-9 Officer, and I'm grateful to Raki for introducing me to his connections and helping to convince them I could do it. But…there's a second offer." he said, his eyes staring out the window.

"What is it? You're scaring me." I told him honestly. The tension was palpable in the air.

He sighed. "The thing is…Ranger has made a lot of things possible for me. I haven't told you about it, because I sensed it bothered you. He financed some custom prosthetics for me, and wrote them off as a business expense. They are a custom build that makes it possible for me to do more as an amputee than I'd ever dreamed of. I can fight now as well as run, turn, balance, stop on a dime, and stay standing long enough to keep up with the team." he explained, barely able to contain his excitement.

"I never would have been able to afford it, but he insisted. He actually set up a meeting with the South African sprint runner Oscar Pistorius! He is a double amputee that is faster than some Olympic athletes with two legs. We've been chatting online since then, and I can't tell you how inspiring it's been. We worked with the same engineering team that designs for him to make my new legs." My mind was spinning. What was Ranger up to? But before I could get lost in my thoughts, James continued.

"Ranger set up a meeting with the Drug Enforcement Administration. They are serious about hiring me as a K-9 Agent. It's federal…" he trailed off.

"….so you would have to travel." I finished his sentence.

"Yes. I would have to travel at least 50% of the year, and the closest station is in Newark as well. But their rules state I would have to live closer so I could be on call. No more than 30 minutes away." he explained solemnly. "But the opportunities and pay are far better if I'm willing to go to one of the other 20 stations outside of Newark, and I don't get a choice in the beginning anyway. But Ranger has some serious connections and can get me assigned to Newark. And I'll ask him to do that…that is if there is a reason for me to stay in Jersey."

"What do you want?" I asked him. My stomach was churning. If he took the DEA job I would have to move North of Trenton away from my family and friends for us to have enough time together, since he would be gone for long stretches of time.

"Stephanie…it depends on you. The DEA job is my dream job in every way, but I could be just as happy working for the local Port Authority if it meant I could be with you and help you raise your son. I don't want to ask you to move further away from your family and life and new house you've just settled in. I also don't like the thought of traveling so much because I want us to be together. All three of us." he said, lifting his eyes to meet mine.

"James…I don't know what to say." I answered, feeling like an idiot that I couldn't find the right words.

"You don't have to say anything just yet. Giving you an ultimatum is the last thing I want to do. But I have to give them both an answer first thing Monday morning. So I'm backed into a corner here. I hate to pressure you, but I have to make a decision. And even though Ranger would offer, staying on at Rangeman is just not who I am." he stated.

I nodded in understanding, but was perplexed about why he though that Ranger would possibly offer to keep him on locally when he clearly was enticing him into jobs that involved moving away from me.

He continued speaking. "I feel guilty that being a cop means so much to me, but from what you tell me about Joe I suspect you understand all that already and don't hold it against me. I thought that these jobs were everything I ever could want out of life, but I realized you are the only thing I want more. So I need to know if we can make it work." he said softly, reaching across and grabbing my hand.

"This is so much to think about. I need some time." I told him, wishing I had the answer instantly. My mind was reeling.

"We can talk Sunday after the baby shower is over. I'll give you some space until then. But you need to know that I've given my notice at Rangeman and won't be back at the office. I'm packing up my stuff the next few days, because I'm serious that I'm moving north for the D.E.A…..or here with you." he declared, squeezing my hand. He stood up and I could tell he was about to leave. I couldn't stop a few stray tears from the corners of my eyes.

"Please don't cry love…ya' know you break my heart when you do." he said, picking me up off the couch and pulling me to him.

"I'm s…s…sorry." I blubbered, holding him tightly. "I knew this would happen. I knew Ranger was going to find you a job away from where I was." I said angrily.

"He tried to do better, but between him and Raki these were the closest places that would take a chance on me. But to make the transition easier for you he offered to let us stay in a Rangeman safe house that he has up in Newark rent free the first year, and take care of the moving expenses." he explained.

I stiffened. "What are you talking about? He wants me to go with you?" I asked, baffled. He was trying to keep us together, not split us apart? My mind raced as I pondered whether Ranger not apologizing to me and keeping his distance might have been part of a bigger plan to push me away from him and towards James. Why?

I felt James' arms drop from around me and fall to his sides. He took a step back. "I'm not going to ask why it matters so much to you what he wants. I'm not going to ask you why you cry out his name at night when you sleep. But I am asking you to make a choice. Because…I'm in too deep. Every day I'm with you I'm falling harder for you….and your son. So if you're going to break my heart, make it a clean break." he asked, his lips drawn into a tight line.

I was speechless. Even when the screen door shut behind him I just stood there completely, utterly, speechless. I spent my first night moved in at Joe's house cuddled up to Kody in my new bed, crying into my pillow and not knowing why.


	62. Batman's Been a Bad Bad Boy

_I've heard from so many of you that Ranger owes Stephanie a huge apology. Your wish is my command! I'm pretty sure ya'll will have as much fun reading this chapter as I had writing it. I had to have a little fun before we take our last big plot twisty-turn. Remember the more reviews you write, the more motivated I am to put out the next chapter. Another little hint: My other fav book series is the Clan of the Cave Bear series by Jean M. Auel. Enjoy! ~Carpe Fic' N' Diem (AKA: Tahara)_

Chapter 62

James was perfect. This should be an easy decision. So what was wrong with me?

It was Sunday and he was picking me up within the hour for the baby shower. He'd kept his distance and given me space as he promised for the past few days, and I knew I must have hurt him. I wanted to commit to him, but he was hinging his dreams on my decision. It was so much pressure. He wasn't trying to pressure me, but there wasn't much choice in the timing.

Get a grip Stephanie! He wasn't asking me to change my life drastically or be somebody I'm not. We spent enough time together and he spent the night often, so moving in wouldn't be much of a transition. He wasn't asking me to marry him.

But if I ever wanted to I knew he would. I also knew he would be a wonderful father to my son, and all I had to do was let him. If I opened up this door up what would happen next? But even if I tried to ignore the shiny crystal ball in the middle of the room, on a day to day basis I had to admit that this relationship worked. No screaming matches…not a single one. No Hungarian hand gestures needed. No drama about wanting different things.

The problem was that every time I thought about just telling him to take the Port Authority job and move in with me I was racked with inexplicable feelings of guilt. Why the hell did I feel this way?

I was just being selfish by not wanting anything to change…that was it! Change was coming whether I wanted it to or not. My life was moving forward and trying to deny that for days was useless. Surely I was just afraid and stalling. I just needed to do it even though I was scared and let the dust settle. I would adjust. It was what a smart person in my position would do. But I must not be that smart. The wheel in my brain was spinning but my internal hamster was dead, so I should just make the smart choice and let the chips fall where they may. Bite the bullet and take the plunge. Dive in headfirst and take the first step. Dear God…I was so wound up I was mixing my metaphors like a stiff cocktail. Make it stop!

James at least wanted me. I had never known what I wanted, or instead wanted what I can't or shouldn't have. Certainly no one else wanted me. Who would want a single woman who looked like Shamu because she was giving birth in a few months to another man's child. Certainly not Ranger.

All this time I thought Ranger's behavior had something to do with jealousy, yet once again he was pushing me away. He didn't tell me to go back to Morelli because there was no Morelli to go back to. Enter James Boone. How convenient for him. And he was making it ever so convenient for me.

But the problem was he had laid a path that was more than just simple convenience. I had this thought that wouldn't go away. The thought that he was trying to give me a happily ever after that he knew he could never give me.

As if on cue my cell phone rang. It was the Batman theme song. It was Ranger.

"Hello?" I answered questioningly.

"I have a problem. Need your help." he said bluntly, and I could have sworn he sound a little embarrassed to be asking. I wonder… Please let him be naked and handcuffed to a shower rod!

"I'm not naked and handcuffed to a shower rod." he said. Damn ESP. I heard a faint rumble of quiet laughter on the other end.

"Okay Chuckles….so why are you calling me? I do believe you have a small army at your beck and call." He was asking me for more favors? This was rich.

"Let's just say if anyone else but you sees me like this it would ruin my reputation." he answered, sighing.

"I'm listening." This was going to be good. It sounded like he was on speakerphone, which was unusual for him.

"Do you remember how to get to Ms. Dominique's apartment?" he asked.

"Dominatrix Dominique!" I said a little too loudly.

"Yes." he answered, sighing again.

"Look Ranger…it's not any of my business how you get your jollies. But really…you could do better." Dominatrix Dominique was a six foot tall woman, even though she looked a lot more like a man with a wig and too much makeup. She charged a lot of people a lot of money to cause them a lot of pain. There were leather and chains involved, but that was as much as I wanted to know.

I'd learned the hard way to capture her when she went FTA by catching her off guard at the gym when she was focused on building her biceps. Being caught in her dungeon of delights was a losing proposition. Oh. My. God. "Ranger! Are you in her dungeon!"

"Yes." he said so quietly I almost didn't hear him.

"You're a sick man." I told him. This is what he likes? Gross.

"Babe. She went FTA. I was trying to capture her." he answered. My heart skipped a beat. He hadn't called me Babe since the day I'd told him about the baby months ago.

"Did she know that? She may have thought it was a role play thing and you were a paying customer." I warned him. "How did you of all people get caught off guard with one of my low bond FTA's?"

He growled at me, but I swear I could almost hear him count to 10 in his head before he continued. "I rushed in unprepared because I heard a woman screaming in pain. It seems I misjudged the situation."

"You know it would have been a lot easier to just apologize to me out right months ago instead of taking on all my skips." I figured as long as he was in a vulnerable place, I might as well take full advantage.

"Can we discuss this later? I've been here a while and I'm getting uncomfortable." he growled.

"Well if you're uncomfortable with your sexuality you went to the right place to explore it further." I snickered.

"Babe…there's nothing about sex I'm uncomfortable with." Gulp. I got a flash of heat in my nether regions.

"Fine. I'm on my way over. Wait a second….are you sure she's gone? I mean, are you sure it's safe? I want to help you but I can't put my son in danger." I worried.

"It's a boy?" he asked matter of factly.

"Yes." I answered.

"Congratulations." he told me, his voice emotionless. "And yes…it's safe. I heard her leave. She said she was going to get a manicure and have her nails sharpened for a few hours. She left me locked….." he explained, cutting himself off suddenly.

"Oh no….you better finish that sentence or I call Tank and the entire posse to come get you." I demanded.

"She left me locked up and chained up without food or water to think about what I'd done because…" he hesitated.

"I have Tank on my speed dial." I warned him. He snarled. I waited a beat and he finally finished his sentence begrudgingly.

"Because she said I'd been a bad, bad boy. Happy now?" he replied with gritted teeth. I burst out laughing so hard tears streamed out of my eyes.

"Very happy. I just laughed so hard I think I peed myself a little." I managed to get out, bent over at the waist still from laughter.

"Glad someone is finding this amusing." he answered, blowing out an exasperated breath.

"I'll be over in 10 minutes." I told him. I couldn't drive fast enough…I had to see this! When I got to Dominique's House of Pain, I did a quick perimeter survey. He was right…the coast was clear. I parked a few houses away and Kody and I searched the perimeter of the house just to be sure before I picked the front lock . I went down to the basement and when I got to the bottom of the stairs I gasped.

There was a variety of swings and racks and contraptions, including something that looked like a pommel horse as well as a surgical table complete with stirrups and leather restraints. But what interested me most was the makeshift prison cell in the corner with iron bars. Ranger was behind it. He was shirtless, wearing black leather pants, and bent over at the waist because he was locked into a pillory stock. The device was made of a wooden framework erected on a metal post buried into the basement floor. It had holes for securing the head and hands, and he was locked in tightly with a Masterlock securing the bolted hasp at the end.

"Ranger?" I exclaimed. Kody cocked his head to the right then looked at me in confusion.

"It's not my fault. She had a taser hidden in her leather corset." he told me. I giggled…that was usually my line.

"She's got a lot more toys hidden in that corset than you want to know about." I told him. I was trying very, very, VERY hard not to laugh.

"She also keeps the keys in there, so you'll have to get some bolt cutters." he told me, shifting his weight uncomfortably. I saw his cell phone on the concrete floor and noticed that he had one shoe off. I realized he must have used his toe to dial when he called me on speakerphone. I wondered how long he'd waited before calling.

"Almost an hour, but this woman really knows how to restrain people and I was low on options." he answered my unspoken question. Damn ESP.

"No problem…I keep a set in my car. But I have my lock pick set with me. The cage locks and the Masterlock shouldn't be a problem. I've got mad skills." I told him, whipping out my tools from my purse. He looked doubtful, so I was determined to show him up. I made quick work of the cell door, but right as I squeaked it open I heard the upstairs door open.

"Babe…get out now. She's back and I can't let you put yourself and the baby in danger for me. I'll work this out on my own." he said sharply, looking at the basement exit door to my right.

No way was I going to leave Ranger in this situation. I suddenly had an idea. "Don't worry Ranger…I have a plan. Sun Tzu said in the Art of War to that supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting. And in case you haven't noticed, I am supremely excellent." Lula would say I have supreme excellence coming out of my ass if she knew the plan I'd just hatched. This was going to be epic. "Ranger, take my cue and play along."

"Who else is down there!" I heard Dominique yell as her leather thigh high boots appeared at the top of the steps.

"His girlfriend! That's who! Ranger…how could you do this to me!" I sobbed, squeezing real tears out of my eyes. Something about all the pregnancy hormones made that very easy to do at will these days.

Dominique came down the steps and took in the scene. "Wait….you're that bounty hunter that arrested me last year!" she exclaimed, looking angry.

"I used to be a bounty hunter, but as you can see I'm due in a few months so I had to give up my job." I lied, squeezing out a few extra tears for good measure. I'd learned in the past few months that absolutely no one could stay angry at a pregnant woman. It was a 9 month free pass.

"So what…you have your boyfriend doing your dirty work for you now?" she spat out, hands on her broad hips. Everything she had on was black patent leather with strategically placed cutouts showing me far more than I wanted to see. Her hair and lipstick and nails were all black too, and she had on enough eyeliner to paint the walls. She had a spiked silver dog collar on with matching bracelets and was holding a leash in one hand and a taser in the other.

"No…the bastard lied and told me he had to work overtime at the office on the weekend. I was suspicious and followed him here. He likes to play 'Big Bad Bounty Hunter' in the bedroom and let me capture him. Sometimes it's the other way around. But apparently now he'd rather play it with some other woman since I look like a whale!" I wailed indignantly.

"Don't get upset now sweetie. I get this often….some men just need a little extra pain with their pleasure to spice up their love life at home. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. I can show you how to please him." she calmed me, setting down the taser and leash and patting me on the back gently as I wiped my tears on my sleeve.

"Really?" I asked her, giving her a hopeful look.

"Sure. Besides, I get a lot of men that are into the preggos. I have a little red leather and lace outfit with a pillow bump built in just for them." she reassured me. "I'll even give you your first lesson for 50% off. But I do charge extra for the dog to join in." she warned. Ewww…gross.

"Do you take VISA?" I asked her, whipping out the Rangeman credit card that he'd given me for business expenses. Dominique nodded and took the card from me.

"Babe." Ranger said, his voice holding a stern warning and his lips drawn tight.

"Shut up or I'll use the ball gag." Dominique told him in a harsh voice. She coached into my ear. "You've got to show them who's boss. This one is extra feisty so don't take any lip from him when he pretends to fight back or it won't be as authentic." I nodded in understanding.

Ranger looked really angry, but only for a second because she put a zippered leather mask over his head. There, that's better.

"I think he needs a good spanking to teach him a lesson." she told me, pointing towards the rack on the wall where there hung an array of whips, cats o' nine tails, ropes, leather belts, and things that defied the imagination.

"That he does. He does indeed." I agreed, selecting heavy leather paddle with rounded metal studs on it. Ranger was twisting his muscled arms in the stocks and I could see him working his wrists frantically to free himself, but it was an exercise in futility.

"Now the secret is to aim for the center of the cheek, and put your whole body into it when you swing." she explained, taking the paddle from me and giving him a demonstratory blow. The paddle whistled through the air and made a satisfying smack against his deliciously firm and leather clad buttocks. He only twitched a little on impact, but I heard him grunt.

"Neat. Let me try." I responded enthusiastically. She gave me pointers while I gave him a good whack or two. Or six. I sort of lost count. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just a little bit turned on.

"Excellent...you're catching on fast. Just need to work on your form a bit. Practice makes perfect!" she told me.

"Stephanie!" Ranger warned in his super duper angry voice. I could see the muscles in his torso tensing.

"Shut up slave!" I told him.

You're a natural." she told me, looking proud of her new progeny. I beamed. Ranger squirmed.

"I don' think he listens very well. Maybe some nipple clamps will convince him to behave himself." she told me, pulling a shiny silver set out of a hidden corset pocket and attaching them at the tender points of Ranger's finely carved pectorals. To his credit he didn't make a sound and was still as a statue.

"Let's take a tour shall we? I have lots of toys I can show you, and some items I sell out of my garage at a discount. I'll show you the best websites for equipment and ideas too." she told me, escorting me over to some shelving next to a small desk and laptop. Kody kept guard at his post while Ranger thought long and hard about what he'd done.

Fifteen minutes later the mistress of pain had taught me more than I'd ever wanted to know about the world of domination, and I had a catalog and a small bag full of naughtiness to go. Fortunately for Ranger his time was up and she had another appointment that had arrived upstairs. Dominique gave me the keys to free him from the stocks while she went to greet her next "submissive" as they were apparently called. However she told me not to release him until he apologized for his bad behavior.

"Well?" I asked, sliding the leather mask off. I could see anger radiating off of him in waves and his face was drawn tight. But at the same time, I noticed it wasn't the only thing on him drawn tight. Interesting. I was so glad I had her put those leather pants on his charge card earlier. After all, he looked drop dead sexy in them and they left nothing to the imagination.

"How am I going to explain these charges to my accountant?" he fumed as I took the clamps off his now very reddened nipples. Poor baby.

"Now now Ranger...I don't hear an 'I'm sorry' anywhere in there." I scolded him, looking back over my shoulder to the rack on the wall. "If you don't cooperate in the next 5 minutes I'm afraid I'll have to have her give me one last demonstration in getting you to obey." I teased. He turned his head to me and I could see his expression was dead serious.

"Stephanie…I'm sorry. I am. I could tell you about the multiple attempts on my daughter's life, but even that wouldn't be enough to explain my behavior that day. But in the end it's always all the same. I'm no good for you. Not apologizing was one more way to create distance. Just know that I've regretted it every day since." he said. I instantly unlocked the stocks and pulled him to me.

"Ranger…will you ever learn that I can handle the truth from you?" I asked, wrapping my arms around him as he regained his balance. His warmth and smell was as comforting and intoxicating as I'd remembered.

"Will you ever learn to stay away from me?" he asked, pulling me into his warm muscled body.

"Will you ever stop answering my questions with questions?" I asked right back.

"Only if you never tell anyone else about this." he proposed.

"Your secrets are safe with me." I promised him. I felt lighter, as though a huge weight had been let off of my shoulders as we walked to my car.


	63. Party Crashers

_So a long delay in this chapter….but we are finally expecting a baby! Our surrogate is pregnant and in late Oct if all goes well I'll be going to get our baby on the other side of the planet. After 8 years of pain, I'm finally joyful. So very happy and busy these days. I have a trainee at work so I hardly get any down time to write while the city is sleeping, and during the day I'm busy doing some house renovations to prepare for our new arrival. It may slow me down for a while, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. This story got me through some of my worst times, so I promise everyone I will finish it before the baby is born and I move on to my next chapter. I apologize in advance for ripping off some dialogue from the last episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and from Jean M. Auel in this chapter….but I do love it so. The conclusion of this chapter is based on an actual emergency call that happened years ago at my law enforcement agency…you can't make this shit up!_

_~CarpeFic'NDiem (AKA: Tahara)_

Chapter 63

Ranger grabbed a spare T-shirt he kept in the car, since Dominique had apparently ripped his off his body before putting him in the delicious leather pants in his unconscious state. My car was parked up the block for safety, so he walked me to it since Kody could clearly not fit into a Porsche by any stretch of the imagination.

But as we approached the car, I saw none other than James leaning up against my car door with his arms crossed. This was not going to be good.

"I came to pick you up for the baby shower and you were gone. You didn't call. I found your phone on the table and the front door unlocked. Rangeman trackers showed you were here. And here you are….both of you." James stated matter of factly, though I could hear something brewing just under the surface.

"It's a long story. And I, um, I can't tell it to you." I answered, breaking a sweat and turning to look at Ranger.

"Thank you." Ranger told me. "Enjoy the shower." He simply nodded at James, then turned and walked back to his car. Considering the circumstances, it was as courteous an exit as anyone could hope for. And it left me alone to face the music.

"James…I'm fine. I'm sorry I worried you. He called me for help with something and I had to go." I told him.

"So it would appear." he sighed.

"What? You can trust me." I told him.

"I know that. I know." he answered, his posture sunken against the car and his face sullen.

"Then what's wrong?" I asked. He looked up and took a deep breath. As he did the sun was blotted out by clouds, casting a grey light and sudden chill in the air. I shivered.

"Because I came to tell you I'm taking the DEA job and moving away." he answered, his voice cheerless.

"I'm going with you then!" The words left my mouth unbidden, and they shocked me. And I realized then that was exactly what I was going to do.

"I can't let you do that." he answered calmly, his voice deep as he hung his head.

"What? Why!" My voice sounded desperate. "You said…" But he cut me off before I could finish the sentence.

"Because you don't love me Stephanie." he answered back. The look on his face split my heart at the seams.

"But I do love you!" I pleaded.

"No you don't, but thanks for saying it." he smiled sadly.

"James…you're leaving me." I declared, my stomach churning as it dropped into my feet. The words had a certain finality when they hit the air.

"I wish things were different Love, I do. The past couple of days I could finally see how it would play out, and it all became so clear to me. I could let myself take you with me, and every man I know would be envious. I'd have so much. More than any man I'd know. They would all want what I have. And I could be happy….at first." I felt my knees grow weak, but as his words penetrated me his arms also wrapped around me and held me up.

"You see….you do love me in your own way Steph. You care about me. You would never hurt me. You would be so wonderful, so good to me. But I'd always know. Even if I convinced myself otherwise. I'd know. And I'd wonder what was wrong with me, what I lacked, why you couldn't love me. And the problem is…I'd love you. I couldn't help it. And I'd die a little every day knowing you didn't love me the same way. And every time I'd make love to you, I'd wither inside a little more. Wanting you so much, loving you so much, and knowing that as much as you'd want to that you didn't love me back." he said softly into my ear as he held me. It played out like a movie reel in my head as his words poured out, piercing through me like a dagger. Despite the rising panic, a still, small voice inside knew he was speaking the truth. But I didn't want it to be any more than he did.

"After a while, I'd dry up. Be an empty shell of myself. And I would eventually grow to resent you. Maybe one day look for ways to make you as miserable as me, and the laughter would stop. You'd go on being your wonderful, caring, generous self…because you would know deep down why I'd become like that. But you'd hate yourself for it. And no one would be able to understand why you'd be able to stand me when I treated you so poorly." I realized we were at the very precipice he spoke of. We had to part ways or travel down a road that would destroy us slowly.

"I won't do that to you. I won't do that to me. But most importantly…I won't do that the mother of the child that I know that I would love as my son the second I laid eyes on him." I shook with grief as my son lost a second father. My tears soaked his shirt and the pain in my chest was spreading

"What will I do without you?" my voice high and thin, wavering on the edge.

"Survive…like you have everything that came before this. And one day we'll each find what we deserve, if we stop standing in our own way that is. And when that happens we'll forget that just how much it hurts at this moment to let each other go." he answered, his Irish lilt soft and soothing.

"I'll always carry a part of you with me, James. Always." I promised him.

"I'm afraid I've already given up two parts and don't have enough left to spare gorgeous." he joked. I burst out into laughter and saw his eyes light up as he watched.

"I meant what I said the first night you let me inside you…I'll love you forever Stephanie Plum." he whispered, kissing me for the last time slowly and with unbridled passion. Then he turned and walked away and didn't look back.

I held onto my car door, still shaking, and Kody braced himself up against my leg somehow sensing I needed the support. I waited until his car was out of sight before I slid to the ground. I felt the footsteps racing towards me seconds before I dimly became aware of a large shadow over me calling out my name repeatedly.

"Babe…answer me. What did he just do?" he asked, a hand reaching out to wipe away my tears.

"He saved himself…from me." I answered sardonically. I wrapped my arms around the baby in my belly and simply cried. It hurt so much, but as much as it did there was this voice in my head reminding me that I'd suffered far worse in this lifetime. I would survive this.

"Ranger…why do all the men that love me leave me?" I heard myself ask in a weak voice as he pulled me up and led me gently to the passenger seat of my car.

"If I know one thing, I know that somehow things always have a way of working out for you. Just not always how and when you expect them to." he soothed, running his fingers through my curls and kissing me on the forehead. I'd missed his touch so much, and felt my body relax.

I felt the baby kick, and I smiled. My son was here to stay, and I knew that nothing else mattered more than that. I couldn't feel sorry for myself. Not right now, and not in front of Ranger. I told myself had to be strong for my baby, and I could cry later.

"Ranger….would you mind driving me to the baby shower?" I asked. My voice still sounded distant. I was still very shaken, but this was not exactly an occasion I could skip without alienating every person I'd ever known in my lifetime.

"Of course." he answered, popping the back gate to let Kody hop in.

We drove in silence, but when we came close to the VFW hall I started to panic. Everyone was going to ask where James was! What was I supposed to say? My ability at hiding my emotion was not nearly as perfected as Ranger's. He must have sensed my rising panic, and instead of pulling into the VFW he pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex across the street.

"You don't have to go in." he told me. "I can make excuses for you."

"No…I have to. These are the people that will be helping me raise my son. And I owe it to Joe. Every cop in the city that isn't on the beat is in there, and the last time that happened was the day of his funeral. They need this." I told him, and I meant it. I just wasn't in particular looking forward to seeing people like Mindy O'Conner who was pregnant with her second baby that I had to invite from my childbirth classes. She was one of those "perfect" pregnant women that only gain the recommended 25 pounds and don't even look pregnant from behind, have maternity clothes that actually match, have bouncy hair and rosy cheeks, claims she never felt better in her life, and probably played tennis up until she was six inches dilated. She also had a perfect husband who thought she was most beautiful when she was pregnant, and actually asked intelligent questions during the classes. Lula was my childbirth coach, and the type of questions she asked were more like "When she tries to push the baby out, what happens if she accidentally takes a shit in front of everybody?"

"You don't owe…" he started to answer back, but he stopped suddenly when we both heard a woman scream. We exchanged a silent look, and I nodded as he exited the car to investigate and I locked the door behind him. My first instinct these days were to protect my baby, but I looked forward to the day I wouldn't have to wait in the wings anymore and could be back in the field with the guys. Little did I know that in about five minutes I would regret that sentiment immensely.

Ranger disappeared around the corner, and I moved to the driver's seat and signaled Kody up to the passenger seat, alert to potential danger. I rolled the windows down a crack so he could smell and I could hear anything going on. I reached down and unsnapped the holster at my ankle, then flipped off the manual safety.

Suddenly a terrified looking man in an exterminator's uniform came running around the corner, ran up to the car, and pounded on the window frantically. He was in his late forties and pretty overweight, but from how fast he ran you would never know it. I could hear other voices around the side of the building raising a ruckus.

"Let me in lady! Help me!" he yelped. Kody growled at him and he backed up a bit. But he was still dancing around like he had to go to the bathroom urgently, and was looking around in panic.

"What's the problem?" I asked him.

"I've…I've never seen anything like it. I heard a hoarder died in there last week and it was full of trash and rotten food, but I wasn't prepared for it. This shit's like a Biblical plague! The apartment manager had me set off the bug bomb to start clearing the place out for the next tenant. I heard this buzzing and skittering around….and then it happened! Please let me in your car!" he begged.

"I'm not going to let you…." I started to answer, but I was interrupted by a screaming family of four running for their lives around the corner. The exterminator followed suite and took off after them to parts unknown.

The next person to round the corner was a barefoot man clad only boxer shorts with wild eyes pointing a shotgun at the ground. "There's too many! There's just too many!" he said, his hands shaking in terror. He threw down the shotgun and sprinted away.

Before I could even blink an older woman in a uniform shirt with a can of Raid backed up quickly around the building. As she passed my car I caught a flash of her name plate. It said her name was Vickie and she was the manager of the complex. She was crying, and she yelled out to whomever else was around the corner "Control the perimeter! Control the perimeter!"

As she passed the car she caught sight of me. "Save yourself!" she yelled out. Her eyes were wide and she looked like she was having a flashback. I heard her mumbling. "…there was actually a white one! It was so inbred it was albino!" she muttered, gagging a bit before she turned and bolted along with three other apartment dwellers who ran past her screaming.

The next thing I saw defied description. The first thing I noticed was Ranger running towards the car so fast his legs were blurred. It occurred to me that anything Ranger would run away from had to be really, really bad. Time slowed down as my heart started pounding. I looked up. At this point I was expecting zombies. But this was so much worse.

It was the oddest thing. It was a piece of brownish black fabric blowing across the grass. It was spreading out somehow…it was moving. It looked like a carpet. A moving carpet. The sun glittered off the surface a bit and a small hole appeared in the center then closed up again. I realized that it was not a carpet at all. It was alive.

I tried to keep my wits about me, so I reached to unlock the door and was about to command Kody to jump in the back to make room for Ranger in the passenger seat. But as the lock clicked I felt the front of the car drop with a loud bang, and realized Ranger had jumped onto my car and grabbed a tight hold onto the lip of the hood. A horde of thousands of cockroaches were headed directly our way.

"Drive!" he yelled out, pointing to the rear of the car. He didn't look scared. He actually looked like he was enjoying himself a bit. I got a shot of adrenalin when a cockroach flew in through my cracked window and landed on my very pregnant belly, and I wasted no time putting it into reverse, dropping the seat back, and slamming my foot down on the gas. He told me later I was screaming like a wild banshee the entire time, but I totally don't remember that part. I thought I handled it pretty well…considering.

Here's the thing. Part of my training in Colorado with Raki included emergency driving maneuvers. We spent several days with orange cones and a rented sports car pushing a vehicle to its absolute limits. I was shocked and amazed at what a car could do, because I'd never pushed it to the brink before. Well…I'd had a few fender benders in my life but it turns out they all could have been avoided if I'd known the secret. As long as you do your braking, steering, and acceleration as separate acts and don't combine them it is very likely you won't lose control. I may have flunked Physics in High School, but the way he explained maintaining the equilibrium of a car it make perfect sense and I was able to perform well. I did everything from slalom courses to emergency braking and steering to evasive maneuvers. A lot of orange cones died in the process. I was glad I got the extra insurance because at the end the tires were shot and the rental company employees looked at me funny when I returned it. I was able to master everything when moving forwards, but the backwards slalom at 30mph was actually the most difficult part and it took me an extra day to get it right. It turns out the secret is all about proper positioning. It was easier for someone taller, but once I learned to drop the seat back and prop myself up on my elbow while planting my left foot firmly and pushing myself up I was able to get a perfect view backwards and steer accordingly. If you weren't looking very directly backwards dead center it was next to impossible, so as long as you set your line of sight like you were staring down the barrel of a gun with the center of your trunk as the sights then it was easy as long as you didn't panic and oversteer.

There was only one problem. When I'd mastered that technique I hadn't been in an SUV. I also hadn't been seven months pregnant with a large console and drink holder with a Seven Eleven super big gulp of lemonade blocking my massive belly from turning far enough around to get a perfect view. So considering that, it is understandable that I veered off course and hopped the curb after crossing the street into the VFW parking lot. I slowed down to correct, which was my undoing because it gave the horde a chance to catch up with us and a sheet of a few hundred cockroaches crawled up my hood and onto Ranger's back. I do remember screaming at that part.

To my credit I managed to slow down and stop before I hit the double front doors of the VFW hall. Well…almost. It wasn't my fault when you think about it really. After all, if I'd braked suddenly it would have slammed Ranger through my front window and damaaged many parts of his perfect body. As it was, it only smashed is his face against the glass and narrowly avoided breaking his perfect nose.

Never let it be said that Stephanie Plum doesn't know how to make an entrance. But the good news is the security deposit that we paid to book the VFW hall was enough to cover the damage to the front doors. The bad news is that several hundred cockroaches scattered in every possible direction and flew off my car and into my baby shower. It could have been worse, but fortunately some of the thousands never made it across the street to follow their brethren thanks to two 18 wheelers that smushed them on the road as they passed.

It sure was a shame that I didn't get to eat any of my cake. It was a quadruple decker frosted fantasy until the roaches got ahold of it. But Grandma Mazur thought fast and managed to blow most of them off of the refreshment table with the fire extinguisher so that the photographer could get a few clear shots.

No one was injured…at first. Okay…so a few folks were sort of trampled. But it's not my fault that the ladies in my Mom's bridge club got so hysterical when a couple of roaches climbed into their over sprayed hairdos and couldn't get out. This is Jersey after all. After they treated their injuries Ranger insisted that I let the paramedics check me out for the baby's sake, but honestly it was good to see them again because it had been so long since I'd blown up any cars that I hadn't seen Fred and Harold in ages. We had a lot of catching up to do.

I have to hand it to all the police officers there who tried to maintain control over the chaos, though they failed through no fault of their own. Turns out most folks don't like cockroaches. But after about 45 minutes of stomping they managed to get the bulk of them, and when the Fire Department arrived they managed to help us hose out the place since it had polished concrete floors, then blew them out of the parking lot with the high pressure hose. You could say that everyone in the South end of the parking lot got a free car wash as a party favor.

I tried to console my mother by telling her that it was just like a game, just not the ones they had planned for later. She was not comforted, though in a twisted way she achieved her goal of throwing a party that no one would forget and it was the talk of the town. Needless to say it cut the festivities short. But all in all it worked out for me because I still got a massive pile of presents and no one stayed long enough for me to have to open each one and go through the pomp and circumstance of thanking them personally. The Merry Men hauled them off and promised to have them exterminated first so that there would be no surprises later when I opened them.

"Well…I'd say that went pretty well. All things considered." I told Ranger when he climbed into the Tahoe next to me so that I could drive him back to his car.

"Babe."


	64. Ranger's Gift

_HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! So my avid readers….I've discovered I'm having TWINS! OMG, holy crap, AAAAHHHH! So happy and excited, but I'm taking on a second job cause this is going to be expensive and they'll be delivered now in early October, and my husband was about to lose his job. Then as of a few days ago found out he may not lose his job. But I managed to fill my time freecycling $7000 worth of baby stuff to get prepared and save money in the meantime. So that is my reason for not writing for so long. I've been in sheer panic mode preparing and saving and working double shifts and having a true Stephanie style meltdown sans the peanut butter and olive sandwich. _

_Seems like nothing is ever easy for either one of us, but something tells me we'll both get our HEA. This has me in the mood to write from Stephanie's perspective now that this feels like it is actually happening and I've finally been able to make out two little faces on the sonogram pics they emailed me! I'm winding down to the end here, so stick around because Stephanie is in for one huge adventure before we meet her little man. I do still hope to finish this before the birth of my babies, but I can no longer make any promises due to the circumstances. Thanks for everyone sticking in there with me and all your kind messages and reviews. I could use some reviews to keep me working at such a frantic pace, because as happy as I am I'm worried about paying for 500 diapers a month! _

_P.S. VulcanRider you were right all along…but I had to keep you in suspense!_

Chapter 64

"I have something to show you. It won't take long." Ranger said suddenly. He startled me, because I'd been in my zone as he drove me home from the baby shower. Or at least I thought he'd been driving me home. I looked up and realized we were at the job site for the training center. I'd been looking out the window the entire time, but not seeing anything and was thinking about James saying goodbye instead. I was picturing my life ahead, and it was much lonelier without him in it.

I'd told Ranger months ago that something about being with him made me let my guard down because he was the only one I truly felt safe with. It was true, but it still bothered me that I let myself depend on him too much. I chastised myself about losing track of my surroundings. If the last few hours had proven anything, you never knew what to expect when I was involved. Between Dominique's House of Pain and what would probably come to be known in my family as "The Baby Shower Incident," I now knew not even Ranger was immune to it. The guys called it the "Bombshell Factor" when we had planned special operations together. I had plenty of my own enemies out there who are waiting for me to be vulnerable to exact their revenge, and you couldn't be much more vulnerable than when you were almost eight months pregnant in the middle of an icy late February day with a broken heart.

Ranger opened my car door and held out his arm. There was still some ice on the sidewalk, so I took his escort gratefully as he led me into the building. I'd made sure to turn on the battery powered heater for Kody before I left him in the car, since Ranger had told me it wouldn't be a long stop. I had a sense of pride as I walked into the building as I looked at what I had accomplished…with the help of many contractors and workers who were paid extra for a rush job. The training center and gun range were spectacular and everything I hoped they would be. However as I walked in I noticed one thing that was not as I'd left it yesterday.

"Why is there a huge drape across the display cabinet and entryway?" I asked.

"Pull the drape down." he answered simply.

Curious, I followed his instruction and pulled at the rope that appeared to hold up the drape on the left side. All eight yards of fabric dropped away to the floor suddenly, just as he must have intended. When I saw what was behind it I gasped.

"Ranger…it's not…it's for…Oh my God!" I stammered, unable to hold back the tears. My hand went to my mouth, and I felt Ranger's body brush against me lightly as he stepped up behind me and leaned me back against him for support.

There was a giant brass plaque that read "Joseph Morelli Police Training Center." On the plaque was Joseph's face in three dimensional relief, with a serious yet gentle expression on his handsome face. I could tell it was based on the most recent police yearbook photo of him in full dress uniform. The display cabinets held pictures and mementos of his life, many of which I'd recognized from what his mother Angie had gifted me that I'd put in storage until I figured out what to do with them. His service revolver and badge held a special place of honor, along with awards and commendations from his career. There were photos of him from his first months as a patrolman all the way up to the last picture of him ever taken on a homicide arrest on the front page of the paper. There was a detailed description of his heroic death, and how he had saved the mother of his unborn child. I swallowed thickly.

"The groundbreaking is next week. I've already been in discussions with the police chief and everything is approved and above board, and the paperwork has been signed. There is a press conference, and if it's okay with you I'd like you do to the ribbon cutting ceremony with the mayor." He said gently, his hands rubbing soothing circles on my arms as the tears streamed down my face.

"Ranger…I don't know what to say. Thank you. Thank you so much." I turned around and hugged him as tightly as my burgeoning belly would allow. I realized that Joe's legacy would live on here, and I was so proud I'd played such a big part in it. The items that were in boxes were now on display where they belonged, and no longer haunting me in the attic of my new home. Every police officer in Trenton would be better trained and prepared because of Joe…and because of Ranger. It was the greatest gift he could have given me.

"I wish I could bring him back to you, but this is all I could think to do." he said to me, his voice deep. I tucked my head into his shoulder and breathed in the delicious scent of Bvlgari and what was uniquely Ranger. His warmth and closeness was as comforting as I'd remembered, and I found myself not wanting to let go.

"It's wonderful. I should never have doubted you. I'm sorry. I wish…" I began confessing, but I felt his entire body stiffen and I stopped mid sentence.

"I'm sorry querida…I told you to stay away from me. I'm a killer." he whispered in my ear softly, the tenor of his voice changing completely. I felt a chill go through me. He moved so fast I didn't even know what happened until I heard a strangled gasp and looked up to see a large dark skinned man wearing all black sink to the floor by the entrance. He had a knife stuck in his throat with blood pouring out of the deep wound, and the gun that had been in his hand was now a yard away from him on the floor. Ranger had turned in an instant and stepped in front of me protectively before taking out the threat. Apparently one of his skills included knife throwing with deadly accuracy.

Ranger stepped forward without hesitation, grabbed the gun, and put it in the back of his waistband. He pulled the knife out and held it in his left hand, drawing his sidearm with his right. Blood gushed from the gaping wound in the man's neck as he gasped his last strangled breath. Ranger did all this while scanning the entire room for any other threats, and I snapped into defense mode as the shock was wearing off. I looked but saw no one else, but heard the sound of approaching footsteps in the distance.

When he turned to me I was struck by the fact that the only time I had ever seen such an intense display of emotion on Ranger's face was when he saw me emerge from the torture chamber a year ago. That moment it was a look of total devastation on his face….but right now it was the most intense rage I had ever seen.

"Call for backup. Tell them it's Ismael Zambada Garcia. Get inside the gun safe. Don't come out for any reason until you know it's safe." he commanded me with calm intensity.

My body did not want to turn away from him, but my head knew I had to protect my baby and that he needed a lot better backup than I could provide in my current state. I didn't hesitate, followed orders, and moved as fast as I could. I headed straight for the gun safe around the corner, which held so much weaponry you could walk into it and lock it from the inside. It was really a small room lined with gun racks, and had been built by a manufacturer of bank vaults.

I took a deep steadying breath as I ran, pulling out my cell phone and dialing Tank. I could hear shots being fired behind me. When I reached the safe I pressed the keypad buttons with my right hand simultaneously to enter the code that unlocked the giant steel door, and my left thumb pressed dial on my cell phone. After what felt like an eternity the door opened and I rushed inside, slamming the door behind me. I hoped the loud noise would draw off whoever was after Ranger. I waited for Tank to answer, and repeated in my head over and over again the name Ranger had told me to say. Nothing happened. No ringing. I held my phone away from my ear and realized the problem.

Now inside the safety of the one and a half foot thick metal doors I realized that locking myself inside the gun safe was an excellent plan…with only one small flaw. My crappy cell phone that was a holdover from my leaner years did not get reception inside it once the door was sealed shut. I also would have a limited supply of oxygen, so living through this entirely depended on how long I was stuck in there. Hence the order of instructions Ranger gave me to call for backup and then get inside the safe. Oh shit.

I had to think fast. Whatever bad guys were in the building were headed my way from the loud noise I'd been sure to create as a distraction when I slammed the door. Ranger had no backup and who knows how many people to fight off. I wouldn't have more than a few hours of oxygen. I was in a room with enough weapons to arm a small country. The decision was easy. I had to open the door long enough to call for backup before I shut it again.

I grabbed the largest bullet proof vest in the room and threw it over my swollen torso, though buckling up the sides was clearly a lost cause. I scanned the weapons and decided to go with quantity over accuracy and selected an automatic weapon that could lay down some serious cover fire. I wasn't very experienced with this kind of weapon but had fired a similar AK-47 once with Raki. I promised myself if I lived through this I would thank him profusely, because by some miracle I remembered how to load it quickly from the repetitive drills he'd made me do until my fingers were blistered. I may only have one shot at this, so I needed to be able to fire as many shots as possible and an assault rifle fit the bill.

I placed two items on the waist level surface of the gun rack to my left. My cell phone and the emergency button to the Tahoe, which with one press would release Kodiak and send him our direction. I decided that I should press the button first that would result in backup faster. Kody would not follow his commands, but he was definitely smart enough to know Ranger was the good guy the people attacking Ranger were bad guys. I allowed myself an extra 10 seconds to rehearse in my head the series of actions I was about to take in perfect succession in order to not screw this up, but when I heard the sounds of scuffling outside the massive door I knew I couldn't wait any longer.

I was firing on all cylinders, which created the sense of time slowing down because my brain was now processing at ten times the normal speed. Raki had taught me the effects of adrenaline on my body and I knew what to expect, so I took a deep breath to lower my heart rate and counter the negative effects. I shifted into action.

I braced the weapon against my shoulder and pressed the emergency release button on the door frame with my left hand, while kicking open the door with my left foot and stepping forward into an extra wide modified Weaver stance to help me withstand the recoil. My center of gravity had shifted to my uterus, and I noticed leaning forward into the weapon and tucking the stock into my shoulder was actually easier than before. Who knew?

As the door flew open and I assessed the scene outside, my right index finger immediately left the trigger and rested on the trigger guard because Ranger was right in the line of fire. I moved off that target and scanned the room quickly for any other immediate threats to fire upon. But Ranger had things under control for the moment.

I'd never seen anything like it. Ranger was right. But he wasn't just a killer. He was a killing machine.

Without hesitation I took my eyes off him for just a few seconds to press Kodiak's release button and then pressed dial on my cell phone. It seemed like forever until Tank answered, but I had to wait long enough until I knew he was on the line. As Tank picked up the line I yelled out the two things I knew I had to say before I could close the door.

"The gun range! Ismael Zamabada Garcia!" I yelled out, careful not to yell so loud the sound would distort or so fast I was unintelligible. Tank knew our location now. He knew who we were up against…Ismael Zambada Garcia. Where had I heard that name before?

Then it hit me. The imaged flashed through my head of the FBI most wanted list. Holy Franken fuck!

The three men that Ranger had been fighting off when I'd first opened the door were all now on the ground from a bullet wound, a knife wound, and one was dying a little slower from a crushed trachea.

No more than 10 seconds had passed from when I'd opened it. Ranger turned to me with a knife in one hand and a handgun in his left. He had blood dripping slowly from his right side, making a dark patch on his black tank top. His muscles were drawn tight and his body in defensive posture, and fury was radiating off of him in waves. I'd seen Ranger the soldier. But I had never seen the warrior. He was the scariest person I'd ever seen barring none.

"Close the door." He commanded. I'd much rather him get inside with me, but I knew he would never do that. Somehow I knew that his first instinct was to protect me, even if it cost him his own life.

I wanted to close the door. I knew I should. But I needed just five more seconds. I needed them for a few reasons.

The first was that Ranger was injured, and at a glance I could see he only had one more magazine left and the shots I'd heard when I'd run into the safe told me there were more bodies elsewhere that were full of his ammunition. And the fact that he'd dispatched two of the three men with weaponless strategies told me there could be a lot more bad news headed our way because he was conserving ammo. I was definitely the better equipped of the two of us.

The second reason was that there were footsteps coming from my left near the entrance.

The third reason was that as skilled as Kodiak was, he did not posses opposable thumbs. He couldn't open the front door to get into the building.

A man in black with a semi-automatic handgun at his side rounded the corner. He was right in front of the glass front doors to my left and was now turning our direction. I needed to open the front doors somehow before I stepped backward into the gun safe and shut the door.

Two birds. One stone. Or better yet….a hailstorm of lead.

In a single heartbeat I aimed and pressed my finger down on the trigger, holding the weapon as steady as I possibly could and clamping my finger down so that automatic fire poured from the barrel. The man stopped in his tracks thanks to the dozens of bullets that passed through him, breaking the glass behind him. I released the trigger and a second later saw the blur of Kody's fur running and jumping over the busted glass and through the door.

All I heard or later remembered before the steel safe door slammed into me knocked me unconscious was the unearthly growl filling the air as I screamed "FASSEN!" to signal him to attack.


	65. Thank You for Flying Plum Airlines

Chapter 65

I came back into consciousness slowly, and it all came rushing back. I felt the pain in my head where the steel door had struck me, and my shoulder was sore and probably bruised from killing a man with an assault rifle hours ago. Days ago. How much time had passed? I remembered nothing after I fell, but recalled enough to know I'd fallen backwards so hopefully my baby would be okay. If I let myself panic I could go into preterm labor easily enough, but the fact that I hadn't already was a good sign. I felt my little man kick me in my very full bladder, as though he knew I needed that reassurance.

I was clearly lying on the floor and not in a seat. That did not bode well. But the fact that I could feel my hands and feet were tied with thick rope was the bigger giveaway that good things had not occurred after I'd been knocked out. The last time I was in this situation I awoke inside a chamber of my nightmares. I was scared for my life and the life of my son, but fear was useless unless it drove me to find a way out of whatever mess I was in. I had to keep a cool head and think before I acted.

I fought the impulse to open my eyes and look around. The fact that whoever was around me thought I was unconscious could be an advantage. I tried to make sure my breathing was slow, then took stock of my surroundings using my sense of touch and hearing. The bullet proof vest was still hanging loosely off of me. I took in a slow deep breath, and was reassured that I smelled the scent of Ranger close by. I could hear breathing next to me and feel the warmth on the skin of his leg next to mine. I suppressed a sob of relief. I heard a muffled bark that I recognized as Kody's. He was alive too, and must have somehow sensed that I was awake and thinking about him. He had a connection with me that defied explanation.

I became aware of the loud buzzing noise around me, and felt the floor vibrating. It was only then that I realized I was on a plane.

I very carefully opened up one eye just a slit. It was wide enough to see Ranger staring down at me. He was sitting on the floor facing me with his back to the wall, and he leaned down so that he could speak quietly into my ear over the roar of the engine, but low enough no one near could hear him.

"I was outnumbered. Outgunned. I may be good, but even I can't fight off twenty-five men alone and the Rangemen were too far away. I only managed to take out eight, you got one, and Kodiak got two more. They would have captured me anyway then tortured me until you came out. And I know you. You would have disobeyed me and come out anyway to save me even before your oxygen ran out. We would still be in the same situation right now except I would be severely injured and they would have shot you in front of me because you would have been packing the AK-47. Very impressive by the way. So don't blame yourself for trying. The dog killed the one that would have ignored his orders to bring me in alive since I killed his three brothers. I'm starting to like that mutt. They seem to think they can retrain him to serve their own purposes, so they have him tied up and caged in the cargo hold."

I was infinitely grateful he'd absolved me of any blame, because I had felt responsible for our predicament. Somehow he always knew what I was thinking before I said it and had answered the slew of unspoken questions in my mind…except one. I mouthed the words "Where are we?"

"You've been out for quite a while. We're somewhere over South America I assume. I would guess they are flying the Chilean coast to avoid detection and will cross over the Southern Andes when the mountains aren't as high, because this type of plane won't have the power to get over the higher peaks. Then they'll take us to Buenos Aires, Argentina. I don't exactly have a window seat, but the last time I try to capture Garcia that is where he was hiding." he explained solemnly.

Shit. I had been out quite a while. So he'd tried to capture Garcia. This must be revenge. I'd always had the idea that Ranger was some sort of international mercenary, and this was as much confirmation as I'd ever had of that guess.

"I'm sorry. I tried to warn you to stay away from me." He apologized. I heard the pain and regret in his voice that I'd never heard before. I opened my eyes.

"Ranger don't…" I started.

"No." he stopped me. "I let myself get close to you. I killed a man for you, and that was just the beginning of letting my guard down. This is what I knew would eventually happen. Stephanie…they'll never stop coming. And they'll use you for revenge against me. I should have tried harder to keep you away." he apologized again. The guilt read on his strong features, and it was crushing to see it for the first time.

He was showing me so much emotion that he always kept hidden. It was unlike him. He just admitted to killing Abruzzi. He would never do that. Not unless….

"Oh my God! Ranger…we're really going to die aren't we?" I exclaimed, not caring who heard me over the roar of the plane engine.

He simply nodded regretfully. "I'm being brought in for torture and interrogation. They'll use you for incentive. They are experts at torture. They kill with creativity, making sure you are conscious to experience as much pain as possible for as long as possible. Skinning you alive is the Sinaloa cartel's current trademark. Cutting out hearts and beheadings just wasn't enough for them anymore. Then they will display the bodies as a grotesque work of art to show their power before they send body parts back to our family and friends." My stomach churned. Why was he telling me this?

"If I get the chance I'll kill you myself so that it will be painless and fast." he pledged, his voice determined but his face and body drawn tight. I knew I could never be strong enough to make such a promise to him, and was shocked at the thought of it. But I was even more shocked to find myself grateful for his vow to kill me. I had some clue what the torture would be like, and I never wanted to go there again.

But then I caught myself. I was not ready to give up hope yet. I'd never seen Ranger give up hope. I thought he was invincible. At this moment, staring death in the face, I realized how stupid that was. He may be extraordinary, but he was still just a man.

"I haven't seen any chance for escape or resistance." he again answered my unspoken question. "The government won't be coming to help us. Rangeman can't fight an entire cartel to save us. Guaranteed this plane is untraceable. I'm double cuffed on my hands and legs. I'm stripped of all weapons. There will be dozens of heavily armed and trained men greeting us at our destination. I don't see other options. I'm sorry." he apologized again, his voice matter of fact but his face full of guilt.

Wait a minute. I was capable of more than Ranger knew. I had several assets he didn't know about.

The first asset was that they had underestimated me because I was a woman, and no doubt because I was pregnant too. I guess my skills with the AK-47 had not made enough of an impression. The fact that they'd left a bullet proof vest on me and used rope instead of handcuffs was evidence of that. And they'd been dumb enough to leave my hands tied in front of me instead of in back. Idiots.

The second was the bobby pins in my hair. I'd made a sorry attempt at an updo for my baby shower, which I'm sure by now was looking lovely. But I surely still had at least one of the four bobby pins I had put into place near the base of my skull still lingering in my curly mop of hair. And I knew exactly how to fashion a handcuff key out of them. It was amazingly simple to do if you knew how. Raki hadn't even taught me…there was a video on You Tube. I'm sure Ranger knew how too, and he would have an easier time doing it since his hands were concealed behind him and he could use the metal and keyhole on the handcuffs to bend the pin at the correct angle. All I had to do was make sure a bobby pin got into his hands.

The third asset was the small knife hidden in a concealed sheath in my sock. It would take some maneuvering around my belly but I could easily reach it and cut off my bindings if no one was watching.

The last, but certainly not least, was the gun. I wiggled my torso to make sure it was still there. Yup. These bad guys may know how to torture and kill, but they do not know how to conduct a thorough body search on a woman who has two very swollen breasts lying atop a hugely pregnant belly. It formed a cleft that was so secure that the holster attached to the middle of my bra was necessary for comfort but I could leave it unsnapped and the gun wouldn't slide out. My engorged boobs held it perfectly flat against my belly with the handle at my ribcage, so the holster wouldn't make a sound when the tiny Kel Tec .380 was slid out. I'm sure in Ranger's freed hands it could do damage enough. Maybe there was a way out of this after all.

We could hold the pilot hostage and make him land elsewhere once Ranger took out whoever else was on the plane. I finally looked around and realized the plane was much smaller than I'd thought, and there was only the pilot and co-pilot in the cockpit and the very ugly young man guarding us in the cargo compartment. All I had to do was create a distraction.

I looked at Ranger and smiled. He saw the look on my face and he read my mind. "I stand corrected." he stated, giving me a 1000 watt Ranger grin.

The man yelled out something at us in what I was pretty sure I'd recognized as Portuguese. I'd been on a bad blind date with a foreign exchange student from Brazil once. The dude sounded unhappy. Ranger answered him back…in Portuguese. Another of what I'm sure was many top secret skills he possessed and had not told me about.

I said what I knew could be my last words to him if this didn't work out. "Follow my cue. I'll get the bobby pin in your hands, and the knife beneath them when I'm done cutting my hands free. Cue me when you're freed and I'll distract them long enough for you to get the gun. It's in the cleft between my breasts and belly. Good luck. Ranger…I love you." I told him.

"Te amo Babe." He answered back with conviction.

The man yelled at us again. "O que é que você está fazendo?"

I rolled over and struggled to sit up so that I could face the guard. I sat back against the side of the plane so that Ranger and I both were both side to side with our legs in front of us.

"I'm in labor!" I moaned. "My water broke." I declared, releasing my bladder just enough to be convincing. Sure, it was gross…but desperate times called for desperate measures and I sure did feel better after that. I squeezed out a few tears for good measure.

"O que aconteceu?" the guy asked Ranger, looking angry. Ranger translated. Now the guy looked worried. He yelled out something in Portuguese to the pilot. He and the pilot started arguing and ignored me completely.

"Oh God it hurts so bad!" I moaned, grimacing in fake pain and twisting my body to the side. I tucked in close alongside Ranger's torso, sliding my tied hands to the side of my head so they were out of sight. I quickly located and pulled a bobby pin out from my hair, and with lightning speed thrust it into Ranger's hands, which were behind him waiting to grasp it. Before the guy turned back to look at me my hands were back at my stomach, grasping it as I groaned realistically.

Kody started barking in the cargo hold…he could hear my cries and it upset him. I could hear him thrash against the cage trying to get out. Good boy.

"Cala a boca!" the guard told me angrily, standing up and going towards the cargo hold. He looked nervous and I assumed he was going to check the cargo hold to make sure Kodiak's cage was secure.

This was my chance! I curled up tightly into the fetal position and moaned in fake pain, deftly grabbing the knife from my sock and concealing it between the palms of my hands. I curled tightly into Ranger's legs, using his thigh to brace the knife and conceal my hands as I rubbed the rope bindings across the serrated edge. Writhing in pain with my loosened hair atop my hands made it relatively easy to conceal what I was doing. The man returned, and I pretended to be gasping and moaning quietly. I even practiced my Lamaze breathing and took a believable brief break between "contractions." Lula would be so proud.

The man watched nervously, occasionally yelling something back to the pilot to keep him updated. Ranger offered soothing encouragements. He would have made a fantastic labor coach. I tried to lay over him as much as possible to draw attention away from the movements of his hands behind him working at picking the locks. I could tell when he had them loosened as the tension in his muscles released and he told me that everything was going to be alright.

After about fifteen minutes I felt the rope give just a little bit around my wrists, and I could tell it had been cut clean through. I pretended to have a strong contraction and thrashed, sliding the knife into his waiting hands, which were still clasped behind his back as though they were still shackled. I made sure to clutch the end of the frayed rope in my fist and hold it there before I brought my hands back to my stomach. I held the rope tightly so it would look like I was still bound.

"Oh my God! I can feel the head! I need to push!" I cried out loudly, hoping it would distract the guard long enough for Ranger to grab the gun and make his move. The guard looked really nervous and an argument in Portuguese ensued between the guard, the pilots, and Ranger. He slid slightly forward as he joined in on the argument. I slid backwards so that he could reach behind him and use his body and the bullet proof vest to hide the fact that he was reaching up my shirt for the gun that lay underneath.

What happened next was a welcome surprise. The guard pulled out a knife and cut the bindings around my feet, spreading them apart. The idiot was actually going to help me deliver the baby. Sucker!

I felt Ranger slide the gun out of the holster. I surprised the guard with my boot kicking him right in the head when he leaned forward to slide my pants off to make way for baby. My aim was perfect.

I hit him so hard that I knocked him unconscious, but Ranger's slicing his throat sealed the deal. The co-pilot was dead from a bullet to the head before he had a chance to react. The other pilot was frozen in place because he felt the muzzle of a gun against the back of his head. I grabbed the handcuff key in Ranger's outstretched hand and used it to uncuff the shackles still around his ankles.

A very scary but eerily calm conversation ensued between him and Ranger in Portuguese. I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"You said you'd taken a flying lesson before right?" Ranger asked me.

"Yes…but just one." I told him.

"Excellent." he replied calmly, shooting the pilot in the head.

"What the fuck Ranger!" I screamed, diving for the controls as the plane lurched downwards.

_* _"O que é que você está fazendo?"_ = "What are you doing?"_

_* _"O que aconteceu?" =_"What's happened?"_

_*_"Cala a boca!" = _"Shut up!"_


	66. Cleared for Landing

Chapter 66

_So I don't know much of anything about flying a plane, and have only had one bad lesson over five years ago, which makes me partly qualified to write this part with a little stretch of the imagination. I did some research for this chapter to make it as realistic as possible. I apologize in advance to anyone who does actually know how to successfully land a plane, cause I'm just guessing like Steph would be. And for the love of God if you find yourself trying to land a plane without a real pilot don't rely on fan fiction to save you….seriously. _

_~CarpeFicN'Diem (AKA: Tahara)_

_**The co-pilot was dead from a bullet to the head before he had a chance to react. The other pilot was frozen in place because he felt the muzzle of a gun against the back of his head. I grabbed the handcuff key in Ranger's outstretched hand and used it to uncuff the shackles still around his ankles.**_

_**A very scary but eerily calm conversation ensued between him and Ranger in Portuguese. I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.**_

"_**You said you'd taken a flying lesson before right?" Ranger asked me.**_

"_**Yes…but just one." I told him.**_

"_**Excellent." he replied calmly, shooting the pilot in the head. **_

"_**What the fuck Ranger!" I screamed, diving for the controls as the plane lurched downwards. **_

"Are you crazy? I've never flown this type of plane before! And I don't know how to land!" I screamed at him, kneeling down in between the dead pilots and tugging up on the steering column.

"Well I guess you'd better figure it out fast then." he replied, sounding perfectly relaxed. I decided right then that Ranger was crazy, but with two dead pilots he was also right.

He pulled the pilot's body up and over the headrest to make room for me, and I slid into the seat as I continued pulling up on the wheel. By some miracle the plane leveled off, but we had lost significant altitude. But the plane was flying level now, so as long as I didn't run into any mountains we would be okay.

Shit. We were surrounded by mountains on both sides. It looked like they were already attempting to cross over into Argentina. That is if we were even in the same country Ranger had guessed we were in. I gently turned the wheel of the plane to the right and located a compass on the instrument panel that assured me I was turning South. The Andes would be on the West side, and that would be very bad. I had no idea where a pass through would be and the mountains would only get higher. This direction at least the landscape would stay relatively the same until we reached the ocean, but I was still in between mountain peaks on either side.

I found the fuel gauge. It read somewhere in the middle between full and empty. Excellent. Except that I had no freaking clue how much time that left me to fly.

Between my lack of knowledge on fuel consumption and the whole mountainous landscape problem, I should take any opportunity to land because trying to cross over any peaks would be a losing proposition if I didn't know what lay ahead. It could just be a taller mountain. If I let myself could stall until I felt comfortable landing we would either reach Antarctica or run out of fuel first, and be far worse off than we were now.

I located the altimeter and tried to remember how to read it. I did recall it for the most part, but the problem was I didn't know how high or low I should be attempting to fly and for what reasons. I would just have to rely on my eyes to tell me if I was high or low enough and hope for the best.

The airspeed indicator was just as easy to figure out. The problem was that there were two of them, and I'm not sure why. But they both read relatively the same thing, so I guess that was good. Eeny meeny miney mo. I decided to watch the one on the left.

There was the thingamabob that told me how level the plane was, but I remember Raki telling me to use the horizon and not chase the controls around. I made sure to look up quickly and check the sky in front of me to make sure I was still level. I wasn't, and corrected slightly.

The body in the other seat disappeared as Ranger slid it to the back of the plane, and then Ranger sat down in the co-pilot's seat. "Do you know anything about flying?" I asked him desperately. I couldn't help but notice that while blood with a bit of brains mixed in was smeared across my seat and now my maternity pants that I'd just got at Macy's, Ranger still managed to stay squeaky clean despite our ordeal.

"Not a thing. I actually don't like flying all that much." he offered, leaning back and putting his hands behind his head. I couldn't believe this. He had clearly lost his mind.

I rolled my eyes at him, then rapidly scanned the controls trying figure out which was the throttle mechanism that would reduce speed. The steering wheel took care of most of the control to guide the plane, but I needed to speed up and slow down. I saw two levers, and remembered that one controlled the propeller speed. It would be a balance between the propeller speed and the throttle so that I slowed down, but not so much that we nosedived or the engine stalled. I remembered that Raki had pushed one way up and the other way down right as he landed. But which one?

I was pretty sure the propeller was supposed to spin faster for landing while the throttle went lower. I remember on a few flights I've taken how the propeller buzz would get louder at the end. I would find out if I was right soon enough I guess. Slowing down would become very, very important if we were going to live through this. I thought I identified the throttle and nudged it to test it. I did feel and hear the engine respond, so I had identified it correctly. Or at least I think I did. I left the propeller alone for now.

The last lever appeared to control the fuel mixture. It was in the middle. I decided to leave it there. A happy middle ground sounded good to me, because I was clueless as to how I should adjust it and when.

I identified the engine shut off switch. That would be a last resort if I couldn't slow the plane down enough to land it. I could use it at the last minute to reduce speed if I couldn't it down enough. We could glide in but only if we were really low to the ground. That was my theory anyway. I think I'd seen someone do it in a movie once.

"Shit! Where's the landing gear! We'll need landing gear!" I yelped.

"It's a sea plane Babe. This has pontoons attached. I'll look for water." he commented casually, peering out the window.

A sea plane! I looked out the window, and to my surprise and delight I did see pontoons. It was the first useful thing he had said since he'd killed the pilot. That would make things much easier…as long as I could find water.

Aside from the flap control that the steering wheel allowed for, I had no clue how to extend the flaps down and forward to slow us down for landing. That is if the ones on this plane were even designed to do that. If I could get low enough and slow enough we might live through this. I repeated it over and over in my head. Low enough and slow enough. I took deep relaxing breaths to counter the adrenaline.

I looked over the rest of the controls, making sure to look up every 30 seconds just like I had been the entire time to make sure I was level and not about to crash into a mountain. They all looked like they were important and useful for something. I decided to ignore the rest of them completely. After all…I had no fucking clue what I was doing.

"There." Ranger pointed out. There was a mountain ahead of us and Ranger pointed to the left of it. "There's a creek in the base of that valley. Get lower and follow it. Spring runoff from peaks nearby should make wider and deeper since it's running slightly downhill." he ordered me matter of factly. Part of me balked because I wasn't exactly programmed to follow orders, but in this case it did sound like our best bet. We were at a fork in the road and the right side of the mountain was mostly obscured by low lying clouds. I turned left.

Let's hope he was right. I lowered the throttle, and the altimeter started to dip ever so slightly. It was hard to tell that we were getting lower when we were up so high, so I realized how handy it was to check every now and then.

Ranger sat silently next to me as we followed the river.

"We're postponing the inevitable Babe. The region we're in is largely uninhabited. If we keep going it may get more populated, but we don't know if there'll be an ideal body of water long enough to land on." he stated. It was exactly what I had already been thinking, but was afraid to commit to.

The river seemed pretty small, but then again we were still pretty high. But after descending a while it did seem to get wider. I looked at the fuel gauge and it had dipped slightly. I sighed. There was no use drawing this out when I didn't know what type of landscape lay ahead in such a mountainous region.

I looked over at Ranger. He looked back. "You were born to fly. I believe in you." he told me.

"Okay…okay…I can do this…" I told myself out loud. He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. If he thought we were going to die he surely would have kissed me on the lips, right? If I was sure we were going to die I would figure out auto pilot real fast so I could have one last Ranger induced orgasm. Stop it Stephanie! Focus…

But what the hell were we going to do if we survived the landing? From what I could make out the trees looked more like the deciduous kind from a forested area like Colorado, not a rainforest environment. That was good because while I had learned the basics of survival I was not prepared for the tropical regions as much as he had taught me about the forests and deserts I would encounter in the U.S. And I had seen no sign so far of human habitation. No cities. No roads. No nothing.

"It's time. You worry about getting us down. I'll worry about getting us home." Ranger promised, reaching across and tucking an errant curl behind my ear.

I took a deep breath…and I flew.

I managed to descend slowly and smoothly to my surprise, and I just prayed that I didn't need to ascend suddenly because we might find ourselves in a serious pickle. The river did look deep and wide enough to land in and be a little forgiving if I went slightly off course. But that also meant it was plenty deep to drown in if I didn't angle it correctly and nosedived. I tried to think positive thoughts, but I buckled my seatbelt. I noticed Ranger didn't, but then I noticed the bullet hole in the metal assembly that held the strap to the frame of the plane. His seatbelt was useless. Fuck.

"I'll be fine." Ranger promised. He stood up and moved his body back behind my seat so that he would have something more solid to brace him for landing. I suddenly felt very alone when I couldn't see him, but then I felt his hand reach and settle on my thigh at the same time I heard Kody bark. The men in my life seemed to know when I needed their reassurance.

I was low enough now that there was no turning back. The trees that looked like ants when we started now looked like trees. And they were getting bigger by the minute, and the water was getting closer. The river was plenty wide, so I wasn't afraid of hitting any rocks under the water because it seemed deep enough. But I realized that the river was not running very much. I realized it was transitioning into a lake. And while rivers kept going, lakes did not.

I took a deep breath and reached for the throttle, dropping it down significantly but also but upping propeller speed immediately after The plane seemed to respond as I expected. I noticed how the nose of the plane seemed to dip up when I upped propeller speed, and I realized I should do that again right as we were seconds from hitting the water.

But as I got further down I realized we were still coming in much too fast, and so I lowered the throttle a lot more and put propeller speed to higher levels. The plane responded well but I thought I heard the engine sputter. I knew the fuel mixture had something to do with that, but I didn't know what the hell I should adjust it to. I decided as we hit the water to hit the engine shut off switch.

No sooner than I made that decision, I upped the propeller speed to high and we hit the water. It wasn't as smooth as I'd imagined it. It was quite rough and as we bumped along I struggled to steady my hand enough to switch off the engine. We started to slow down very quickly after that, but my instincts could tell me the fast approaching grove of trees at what appeared to be the end of the lake were coming up on us fast. I kept my hands on the steering wheel and braced myself tightly. As the treeline approached my right foot unconsciously slammed down on the floor of the cockpit. The last thing I remember before impact was thinking to myself "There's no brakes on this thing silly!"

When I came to I somehow knew I'd only been out for a few minutes. My heart was still pumping, and my baby was kicking. But when I turned around to check on Ranger I realized he'd been thrown forward and then backwards in the crash, and it looked like there was blood trickling from his head. He was out cold. The impact had busted open the cargo hold door, and Kody rushed out to greet me and licked me happily with his giant tongue as he promptly sat down on the face of one of the dead bodies.

I was eight months pregnant. Ranger was injured, and I wasn't sure how badly. I had a dog the size of a bear sitting on top of three dead bodies that might start attracting bears if they had them in whatever God forsaken wilderness we had just crashed in. What the hell was I going to do now?


	67. Into the Wild

Chapter 67

_I can't believe I'm pumping out another chapter this fast, but I've been planning this one for so long and for two nights in a row I actually dreamed about it and it has helped set the scene in my mind. I've watched all sorts of survival shows and read books on the subject for years. It is a fascination of mine, so I hope you enjoy the next part as Ranger and Stephanie will struggle to emerge from the wilderness. And don't forget…I'm a review slut!_

_~ CarpeFic'NDiem (AKA: Tahara)_

**I was eight months pregnant. Ranger was injured, and I wasn't sure how badly. I had a dog the size of a bear sitting on top of three dead bodies that might start attracting bears if they had them in whatever God forsaken wilderness we had just crashed in. What the hell was I going to do now?**

In that moment I heard Raki's voice in my head, guiding me. I could almost picture him next to me now as I remembered how calmly he spoke to me in the woods that day that seemed so long ago in Colorado.

"_Most people that find themselves in life or death survival circumstances expect to make it through their difficulties Stephanie." Raki said, finally answering me after I cajoled him about dragging a Jersey girl out into the woods to teach survival skills that I didn't think I would need in the city. _

"_They draw deeply from an inner well of strength and confidence." he continued. "Some find comfort and strength in their belief in a higher being. Many of the individuals have been in difficult situations before and trust their training and experience to pull them through. Still others are simply fortunate that they can rely on the skill, courage, and good will of the people that save them."_

"_I told you it's Jersey. No wilderness there. I'll rely on a fully equipped rescue squad by calling 911 or texting Ranger, and if I need to look for water there's a faucet or a fountain within walking distance. " I complained, kicking a rock away from my feet. We were in the middle of nowhere. _

"_Stephanie…you must trust me. At some point, anyone who ventures out must deal with dangers or disaster or human error that will force them to use survival skills. Whether we survive depends largely on that training, but also calmness, clarity, strength of character, and luck. There are those who say we make our own luck. Sometimes the outcome also depends on whether our companions have those qualities as well." Raki said in his usual cryptic way. I sighed._

"_Okay Yoda…teach me to survive." I declared begrudgingly, once again trusting that he had a reason for what he was teaching me._

He did indeed. What was I going to do now? I was going to survive…that's what I was going to do. I wouldn't surrender to despair. I was going to live. My baby was going to live. Ranger was going to live. We were going to get home to Jersey. I would figure out how to use my breast pump and what a nipple shield was for. And then we were going to kick some serious ass to payback this Garcia motherfucker.

I snapped into action. Raki had given me accelerated course in combat medicine and I had the equivalent training of a basic Emergency Medical Technician with a just a few emergency airway techniques from the paramedic level thrown in. I had to start with my ABC's to stabilize Ranger. Airway. Breathing. Circulation. He was flat on his back already fortunately, and I felt his neck and moved it gently to assure myself he didn't have any spinal injuries. If he did he was done for anyway, so I went ahead and tilted his head back and opened up his airway. I counted his respirations for 15 seconds and multiplied times four. It was a little fast, but still well within the range of normal.

Circulation. The cut on his scalp wasn't bad, and the fact that it was bleeding slowly was a good sign because head wounds tend to bleed pretty badly. But the giant goose egg forming there was not a good sign. I palpated it to see if there was a depression, and it seemed like the bone was still solid where his head had struck the cabin or some flying object. He didn't respond to the pain of me pressing on it, and that was not a good sign either. He was in a deep state of unconsciousness, and that meant it could be a while before he came to. If he had a subdural hematoma he could very well die, because I didn't exactly have a cordless drill and the ability to relieve the pressure of a brain bleed. Let's hope any hematomas were out the outer layer and didn't cause permanent or unrecoverable damage. I ripped off the sleeve of his shirt and made a makeshift bandage out of it across his head, and adjusted it until it seemed secure and the bleeding stopped.

I palpated the rest of his perfectly sculpted body, and while it was a little bruised and there were some small cuts there didn't appear to be any broken bones. So hopefully that meant there was no internal bleeding, but I would have to watch for signs of shock in case that assessment was wrong. The only other wound was the knife cut I first noticed on his side when I opened the gun safe back at the training center. It could use some stitches, but for now the wound wasn't bleeding actively so I would worry about it later.

What now? I knew that rest can be more valuable than speed. I needed to proceed slowly and calmly. Not just for my baby and avoiding pre-term labor, but for the sake of survival. I should plan and move forward carefully, and not dash blindly on. Also, the weather may be warmer than it was in Jersey but it was still pretty cold judging from the cold air rushing in through the broken windshield. There was still snow on the mountain peaks but none on the ground this low. If I rushed enough to break a sweat, that could quickly result in hypothermia. Raki had spent an extensive amount of time teaching me about hypothermia and frostbite, and had me read John Krakauer's book _Into Think Air_ about the trials of climbing Everest and the deadly costs to help me remember his lessons. It was essential that I keep all my layers of clothing as dry as possible.

I was fortunate that I was dressed for the weather and had on several layers. I shed the bullet proof vest for the moment, but could see that Ranger was not wearing more than his T-shirt and utility vest and would need more clothing to keep him warm.

We had lots of supplies on the plane that we could use for survival. And we had clothes from three men, though they were rather bloody at this point. It took some doing, but I managed to tug the leather flight jacket off of the dead co-pilot and toss it over Ranger to keep him warm. It was hard not to get sick when I heard the arm snap out of joint on the last big tug, but I sucked it up for Ranger's sake.

The blood would be a problem. The plane's tail was in the water, but the front had struck the shore and trees. The plane door opened easily enough when I tested it despite some surface damage, and I would be able to climb out and use the busted pontoon to step onto land without even getting my feet wet. That seemed good, but it also meant that scavengers could easily get to us when they smelled the blood.

My first thought had been to use the plane cabin for shelter for the night. I looked at the sky and by the position of the sun I estimated that we had about five hours of daylight left. Shelter had to be my priority, because water and other resources looked plentiful. But there was blood all over the cabin and it had seeped into carpeting and the foam seats. I didn't know what animals they had in this part of the world, but this type of ecosystem in Colorado supported a variety of large animals with big teeth. There were few forests in the world that did not harbor some species of carnivorous large cat. The windows were broken out of the cabin to where anything could get in. I needed a safe place to rest for the night and care for Ranger, not a place where I had to be on guard and risk using up the last of the ammunition in any of the weapons laying around by shooting at things in the dark. I would need a place where we could build a fire for heat and protection. Preferably a place with a dirt floor and not so close to fuel tanks that could have been compromised in a plane crash. I didn't smell fuel, but it was still a valid concern. I wanted to preserve the wreckage so that I could come back to it for scavenging the essential resources it contained that I couldn't salvage today. That meant one thing.

I would have to get the three dead bodies out and away from the wreckage. And I would have to move an unconscious Ranger.

How the hell would I accomplish that when my OB/GYN told me not to lift anything more than 25-30 lbs? As I undressed the bodies to salvage their clothes I thought it over. I tried not to look at their mortal wounds and let the gore bother me, but I was going to wash this blood off me as soon as I got a chance.

Then it hit me. Kody! He could help me pull the bodies out and into the water! Then I could push them downstream wherever this lake emptied so that I wouldn't contaminate the water supply and attract critters. Then I could come back to the cabin to check on Ranger and do an initial salvage on the plane, then abandon it until the blood dried and salvage more.

It was a lot of work and I would need some rope to do it, but the fact that they'd tied me with some meant there was probably more of it. I looked around the small cabin, and sure enough there was a good length of if next to the cargo hold. I finished undressing the bodies, including their sidearms and magazines, and then pushed the one whose feet were pointing to the door in line with the exit so he would slide out easily. I opened the door and exited the plane, and Kody happily hopped out with me. I gave him permission to empty his bladder because I knew it had probably been a long time. On the shoreline I laid the rope down and stretched it to find the halfway mark. Then I fashioned a harness for Kody based on a technique Raki had taught me when we made simple rock climbing harnesses out of rope. With a bit of modification, it should work just fine once I got him to understand what I wanted him to do. I scanned the area around me to be aware of my surroundings, and to my excitement I realized the lake emptied into a stream off to my right, just off to the side of a natural rock barrier. It made a small waterfall with a deep pool, but there would be a strong current to pull the bodies downstream once we pushed them by the edge of the rock ledge.

I tied the two ends of the rope to the feet of the body aimed at the door, then got Kody into the harness on the other end. It took a little convincing and he balked at the weight when I initially told him to come, but he dug his paws in and used his muscular bulk to tug until the body slid out halfway. As soon as he got the picture I grabbed the rope and helped tug until the body slid out the rest of the way into the shallow water. It was easy to pull after that since it was floating, and with minimal effort Kody walked along the shoreline to guide it near to the falls. I made sure to pull the body close to shore and untie the legs before the natural current took over and sucked him over the side. The last thing I wanted was the body pulling Kody over the falls!

I'll admit I did briefly consider the plight of the Chilean rugby team that had crashed in the Andes from the movie Alive, and how they had become cannibals to survive. That happened a long time ago, but not all that far from where we probably were now. But we were low enough and in an ancient forest instead of a pile of ice and snow. I knew how to make snare traps and other devices for capturing small game, and I was next to a body of water that surely had fish in it. There were cattails along the edge that I could see in the distance, which were an excellent source of starch. There was no reason I couldn't forage for food and get some meat without resorting to eating my enemies for dinner when they would just rot quickly without any ice and would only attract carnivores. Kody would probably have an easier time than I would hunting for fresh food when his natural instincts took over. With that thought, I shoved the body off the shore and watched it roll off the edge and plop down into the pond below before it floated out of sight.

By the time we slowly and deliberately repeated the process with the other two bodies, about an hour and a half had passed since the crash. I had checked on Ranger intermittently, and nothing had changed at all. He seemed stable, but still no response to pain when I gave him a good rub on the sternum to try to rouse him. I stopped to rest for a moment, relaxing in the pilot's seat. I much preferred the comfy chair to wherever else I would be forced to sleep tonight. If I let myself I could close my eyes right now and take a good long nap. I heard Raki's voice in my head again.

"_Two of the gravest general dangers to survival are the desire for comfort and a passive outlook. You must recognize that these dangers represent attitudes…attitudes that follow lines of least resistance,that overrule your effort to desire to cope with stress, that make your primary concern the immediate situation rather than the overall problem of survival." Raki warned._

"_So how are you supposed to defend yourself against a crappy attitude?" I asked him. When it came to attitude problems, I'd been told I had plenty._

"_To overcome the first danger—the desire for comfort—you need to change the way you think of comfort. And the key to changing is reasoning. You compare the present discomfort with the discomfort you will face if captured."_

Capture! That is how this whole thing started. I had been so focused on shelter that I hadn't thought about Garcia's men coming to look for us when the plane didn't arrive. This plane would have a transponder that would squawk out an identification code to anyone looking at radar. It was used to help the good guys identify and locate planes, even after a crash like ours. But it would also tell the bad guys where to look for us. I grabbed the nearest handgun, located the transponder underneath the radio, and shot it twice. Maybe I panicked a little, but I had to be sure to buy us time to get out of this mess and away from the crash site before it was discovered by those would never give up hunting Ranger down.

"_Knowing how much discomfort you can take and understanding your demand for comfort will help you carry on. Comfort is not essential." Raki told me._

I endured enough discomfort in the space of a few days of torture than I ever cared to repeat, and I'd survived. I could tolerate a lot of discomfort if I had to.

"_To avoid the second danger—the passive outlook—you should know what can bring it on. Physical conditions include exhaustion due to prolonged exposure to cold, excessive loss of body fluids and dehydration, excessive fatigue, weakness, and illness. You can avoid these conditions by proper planning and sound decisions."_

Raki had neglected to mention excessive pregnancy as a physical cause. Proper planning would have called for Joe to put on a condom, and that ship had sailed eight months ago. I would have to fight exhaustion more than he'd ever imagined.

"_Lack of will to keep trying can also result in a passive outlook. Lethargy, mental numbness, and indifference creep in slowly, but that can suddenly take over and leave you helpless. Recognizing the onset of a passive outlook in a companion is important. The first signs are an air of resignation, quietness, lack of communication, loss of appetite, and withdrawal from the group."Raki cautioned._

Ranger's outlook for the moment was as passive and withdrawn as it gets…since he had the whole unconscious thing going on. I wasn't a passive person and took charge of a situation. Unless Ranger was there to do it for me, I realized suddenly. He'd said to me that he would worry about getting us home, and all I had to worry about was getting us down. At the time that had calmed me enough to help me land the plane. But now it angered me. Guess what Ranger? I was going to help get us home too! He had much more experience and training, but not so much I should passive participant instead of an asset to our mutual survival. He was not going to get us home. We were going to do it together.

I took a swig of the mostly empty generic cola can I spied in the corner of the cabin, and with newfound determination and set off to scout for shelter for the night. I set the cola can aside, because it would be useful for heating water later to sterilize it.

I wandered towards the area on the other side of the crash and it mostly looked like a small shoreline littered with small rocks and dirt and mud, and every path extended into the very old looking forest. I wandered back closer to the falls where I'd seen more rock formations. Maybe there would be a natural overhang I could take advantage of. There would be less creepy crawlies to deal with there and building a shelter in the woods would take a lot of physical effort I may not be up to accomplishing in the three and a half hours we had before nightfall. I followed the natural slope that formed a path down to the base of the falls, grateful I didn't have to climb anything steep. I would have to make some sort of litter and have Kody drag Ranger down, so I needed the path to be gentle for that purpose. At the base it was quite lovely with the water spilling down and foaming into the pond, with the little stream meandering away. Fortunately it had done its job and meandered the bodies right outta there.

There were little flower buds poking up around the pond's edge, and it was an impending sign of spring. It cheered me up a little to know the season of abundance was coming and resources to sustain us would be plentiful. I almost laughed when I realized that before all of my training I would have seen this situation as hopeless. But now I looked around and saw that we had everything we needed to live. As long as Ranger came to soon, because he had to figure out a way to get us out before the baby came. There was no way I was having my baby in the woods! 

I was getting ahead of myself again, and that was a path to a bad attitude. I needed to stay focused on immediate solutions to build our situation so that it would accomplish overall survival. I set off, scanning the rock wall by the long ledge than ran alongside the stream. It formed a natural path, but there wasn't much overhang to use as shelter. I walked along the ledge, which was plenty wide and at places rose a few feet above the water below. 20 feet away beside a dead tree I saw a cleft in the rock.

I approached cautiously, signaling Kody to crouch ahead of me as we approached. He sniffed his way forwards, and as a force of habit I grabbed the pilot's pocket knife that I'd grabbed when we left the plane. As I rounded the curve along the rock wall, I realized it was much more than a cleft. It was a shallow cave. It was too dark to see inside it, but I could tell it went back about seven feet, and was even wider than that. It narrowed towards the back, but the ceiling rose up enough that I would be able to stand up all the way towards the front of it. The entrance was about four feet high and three feet wide.

There was one problem. I followed the line of dark animal scat and could see that it was currently occupied by something with glowing eyes at the back corner. The eyes were close enough together that I knew it was small game, and not a serious threat. Without hesitation I signaled Kody to attack. There was an awful hissing and growling that ensued, but Kody tossed his giant head back and forth and I heard the neck snap and it hissed no more.

Dinner. It was some species of fox, which I could tell easily enough by the fluffy tail. I quickly sliced open the belly and pulled out the innards, tossing them downstream in the creek. I sliced the neck and held it over the water to let the blood drain out, then I leaned down and rinsed it out the abdominal cavity. Raki had to initially force me into it, but I'd learned how to hunt and dress small game. He'd never convinced me to go for anything bigger, but he'd built up enough skills and confidence that I knew the basics of how to prepare an animal for cooking. It didn't take long after death for the internal organs to contaminate the meat, so I'd dispensed with them immediately but left the heart because it contained more iron and different minerals than the meat on the limbs or flank. I'd made sure to quickly clean out and save the stomach, because it could be used for storing and carrying water later. I hung the carcass on a tree limb that stuck out. It would keep long enough for me to get Ranger here, build a fire, and cook it for dinner.

I broke off a bough from a nearby tree and used it as a makeshift broom to sweep out the animal scat and top layer of dirt from the base of the cave. There was a natural depression in the rock towards the right side, and I would pile up some leaves and boughs there to make us a bed.

But first thing was first. I had three hours to get Ranger here and build a fire. I had to find two strong poles to make a litter out of. It took about 20 minutes, but I finally located a deadfall further downstream. It looked like when the spring melt happened soon the water would hit the stream hard about a half mile past the cave. The fast runoff over the years had built up a pile of sticks and limbs from where it hit the wall, and I could even see some animal bones who must have gotten caught in it. It was a good resource to pull from, and the bones could be used as implements and tools.

But for now I selected two thicker limbs and broke off the side branches until I essentially had two poles about eight feet long. I very slowly and deliberately worked my way back to the plane. It took me a full hour to fashion a litter out of the poles, rope, some spare clothing, and strips of leather that I cut off the seat. But when it was said and done I had Ranger tightly strapped down to a makeshift travois that was sticking out the door ready to slide out. The poles narrowed at his head to where I could lift it up and onto Kody's back, with a shirt forming a strap across his back and front. I tied extra ropes to the tops of the poles that I would tie to myself, and I would use them to help pull in front of Kody so that our combined effort would drag the back two wide ends of the poles along the ground. This plan had to work. With only the lower tips touching the ground there would be less friction to drag along the ground, and would make his muscular bulk much lighter to pull. It would definitely take the both of us because Ranger was not a small man. I'd essentially turned myself and Kody into sled dogs pulling Ranger.

Getting the contraption out of the plane took some doing, and I tried not to get frustrated that Ranger got some water and mud on his bottom half in the process of trying to get the bottoms of the poles unstuck from the muddy shore. I would have to clean him so his wounds didn't get infected later. It was hard work, and I had to keep stopping to avoid breaking a sweat or straining myself too hard. But finally I got him on shore with his head pointing in the right direction. I used the front part of the damaged pontoon to keep the top half of the travois near his head lifted up, and by some miracle I got the travois strapped onto Kody. It appeared to work as planned. Kody was alarmed by all the straps, and when the weight of Ranger was no longer resting on the pontoon and on his back I'm sure it would frighten him a bit. I took some time soothing him. I knew that Kody was bound to me, and trusted me as his leader. He would follow me into the gates of Hell if I asked him to.

After I calmed him, I gently slid Ranger's top half off the pontoon and the full weight of the poles were now on Kody. He was startled, but relaxed as I soothed him a little longer. When I finally grabbed the ends of the rope and began to lead him forwards he adapted quickly, and seemed to make the connection that this was like pulling the three bodies earlier but just much heavier. I had to lean forward and put a lot of effort into the pulling, so we stopped frequently to rest or get rocks and sticks out of the way. The path fortunately was not long or difficult, but it felt like it was miles long when it was only a half mile or so. I just tried to keep thinking positive and move forward, even though we were losing daylight fast and I might have an hour left by the time he got to the cave at this rate. But my legs were still strong from becoming a runner and all the muscles I had built and maintained through my dancing and pregnancy yoga classes. I proceeded steadily towards my goal.

I was breaking a sweat and once we got him to the cave I would need to take off some layers to dry and get a fire going fast. Thank God that the pilot was a smoker and a drinker. I'd found a lighter and a half full flask of what smelled like tequila n his front pocket when I undressed him. I knew several other ways to start a fire as Raki had taught me all of them, but they were each a lot of work and a real pain in the ass. I preferred a Bic myself. And the alcohol would be perfect to clean Ranger's wounds so they wouldn't get infected.

When I finally gave one last tug and pulled Ranger into the cave, I sobbed out loud in relief and sank to the ground to rest. I thanked and scratched Kody as I unhitched the travois, and used the leather straps I'd fashioned as a pillow under Ranger's head. I unstrapped him from the travois and tossed the poles to the side. After checking him over and making sure all his vitals were still good, I rose up to achieve my final task for the night.

I was getting awfully tired, but I made one last half mile hike to the plane. There was a black knapsack in the corner that I'd seen, and it was mostly empty. I used it to load up the lighter and any other small items that I could find. There were three military packaged meals called MRE's in the pack along with three more generic colas, which I'd assumed were for the three dead men. Looks like I was good for the next two days for food, which would give me time to build up other resources and maybe set out some traps for fresh game. But I tried to stay focused on the task at hand and load up as much as I could reasonably carry in the pack so that scavengers wouldn't get to it. I'd used all the spare clothes to make the litter and cover Ranger, so they were already at the cave.

I grabbed some cattails near the pond on my way back to round out my fresh meal. I deposited the supplies at the cave, checked on Ranger, then made three quick trips to the deadfall for firewood. As the last light was fading I'd made a decent enough pile of dead wood to last us well through the night until morning. I'd also grabbed some smaller sticks and kindling material to get it started. I wished I had more time to get boughs and leaves to make a comfortable bed, but we would have to make do for the night. Comfort was not essential.

The wood was dry enough that it caught fire easily, and that was a damn good thing because I didn't have enough time to scavenge tubing and siphon gasoline out of the plane tank to help things along. I was careful to start with the cattail fluff from the top of the plants, then build it up with small kindling that I'd found along the ground. As the flames grew I laid on some dry moss and bark from the trees nearby until I was confident enough to add smaller sticks. The fire grew, and it seemed to light up hope inside me as the flames grew higher and I felt the warmth spread through me. I'd placed it towards the edge of the cave, but far enough in that the wind wouldn't blow the smoke around. The top of the cave seemed to have a natural smoke hole, for which I was very grateful. I grabbed some stones out of the water and made a ring around the fire. I took the three spare items of clothing that still had blood on them and rinsed them out along the creekbed, then hung them on the dead tree limbs that were closest to the fire to try. Between the fire and a little wind hopefully the cotton material would dry soon enough.

Ranger was now close enough to the fire to stay warm as night fell around us, so I gently undressed him so that I could clean him off and re-examine his wounds. The vest was easy enough to slide off since it was big and had oversized arm holes. But his T-shirt was a goner from the knife wound and me tearing off the sleeve earlier to use as a head bandage. I went ahead and cut it off of him so I wouldn't have to struggle with it and move him around so much. I took my task as his nurse seriously, so I threw the cleanest spare shirt we had over his hips to avoid distracting me from the task at hand. Once his pants were off I could see that his mocha skin was badly bruised on one side, and it would turn an ugly shade of purple soon. I took his T shirt and rinsed all the blood out of it, then used it as a washcloth to wipe the mud off his legs and clean him up. Giving Ranger a sponge bath would have been a lot more fun in different circumstances, but at the moment my enjoyment of running a wet cloth along his body was dampened by the fear of when and if he would wake up. The knot on his head was pretty big now. I opened up his eyes and checked for response, but there was nothing. His pupils were equally dilated, which was good. There wasn't any cerebrospinal fluid coming out of his ears and his arms and legs weren't contorting inwards, so that meant there wasn't any severe brain trauma. When I cleaned and changed his head bandage he did moan a little, so that gave me more hope that he would come out of it. I used up about quarter of the tequila in the flask thoroughly disinfecting his wounds, and when I was finally satisfied I leaned back and shucked off my top two layers so that my undershirt would dry off from all the hard work.

Now I was hungry. I would save the MRE's for later, but I did pop open a cola and take a long swig. Then I used the knife to sharpen the end of one of the sticks I'd retrieved at the deadfall, and braced it between some large rocks I pulled from the creek. It would be perfect to hold the meat over the flames for cooking.

I set to the task of skinning the fox. It wasn't all that hard, though I would have to look for a rock that had a sharp edge to use as a scraper to make it easier next time. I decided to save the tendons and sinews, because I might need them to see about stitching up the wound on Ranger's side tomorrow when I had daylight and could figure out how I would do it. I took the fur and laid it out to dry at the edge of the cave, determined to save the fluffy tail and any leather that I could for later usage. I cut the animal in half down the middleand threw one end to Kody, who happily dug in to his raw treat. There was plenty for the both of us, and I knew he had to be hungry. I preferred mine cooked, so I stuck it on the end of the stick and turned it every so often so it would cook evenly. I knawed on some starchy ends of the cattails while I waited.

While I waited my mind drifted to how annoyed I was by how dirty I felt. Tomorrow I would clean myself up, but one problem was that whenever I sat down the dirt floor was getting all over my pants. The depression where we would sleep was mostly rock and I'd wiped the dirt off of it as best I could, but the rest of the cave had a thicker dirt floor. It occurred to me though that I might be able to line the floor. If the carpeting wouldn't rip out of the plane easily, I could maybe use the cattail reeds to weave some sort of mat to sit on. I took the reeds and cut off the tips, and within a matter of minutes I'd fashioned a small, but suitable mat to sit on. I would have to make some more of these!

By the time I was done my meat was cooked, and I barely let it cool before I bit down. I'm pretty sure I was just really, hungry, but at that moment it was the best thing I'd ever tasted. I left nothing but a pile of bones that I put to the side after I sucked out all the marrow. What can I say? I was eating for two and it was food. It wasn't a Pino's meatball sub by any stretch of the imagination, but I was still full and satisfied.

At that moment, exhaustion took over. I was so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open. Kody laid down by the fire closest to the front of the cave. I knew he would sleep, but with his sensitive hearing and sense of smell he would surely alert me to any dangers that approached. For the time being, we were safe. Still, I kept one of the loaded semi-automatics next to me just for comfort. I had tugged Ranger's body over to the depression in the floor where it was more smooth rock than dirt when we'd first arrived. I laid what few boughs I'd gathered into the depression, then laid all the spare clothing we had over it except the leather bomber jacket from the pilot. I gently pulled Ranger's body onto the makeshift mattress, which wasn't soft but would have to do for the time being. I used the leather straps as a pillow, and I laid down and curled up next to him. My belly was so huge it was in the way of me curling fully into his body, so I laid my arm over his chest so I could still share body warmth and feel his rhythmic breathing. It wasn't very comfortable and the noises from the woods were plentiful in the night. But I was beyond exhausted, and I slept anyway. I got up twice in the night to stoke the fire and empty my bladder, but all in all I slept for a good seven hours.

That night was the first night I didn't have the nightmare about Ranger being lost in the wilderness. And it was because I had saved him.


	68. Whine and Caviar

Chapter 68

_So no news is good news my readers, which means my babies are doing well. I have about 3 ½ months to finish preparing, but our intrepid heroes have less time to work out a solution to their plight. Hopefully luck is on both our sides. If you want to follow my surrogacy story, feel free to check out 10 Miles Uphill in the Snow blogspot dot com._

_~CarpeFic'NDiem_

When I awoke at dawn my back hurt something awful. Normally I would fear pre-term labor, but sleeping on a bed made of rock was the obvious culprit in this circumstance. I sat up and groaned, then checked on Ranger. No change, though the swelling had gone down a bit on his head. I decided that one of my top priorities for the day was to make a softer place to sleep for the both of us.

I stoked the fire a bit, and selected a flexible green stick, and chewed on the end for a makeshift toothbrush. It tasted unpleasant, but when I was done I washed my mouth out with some flat cola. Keeping my teeth clean was still important, and I promised myself that I would try to do what Raki would have me do even when it was unpleasant. But aside from a making a makeshift mattress, where should I start? What was the best use of my time without using up too much energy? What would Raki tell me if he were here?

I immediately thought of the 5 W's: Wood, weather, widowmakers, wigglies, and water. That was an easy enough acronym he had taught me, and it would help me assess my situation rationally and evaluate what resources I had.

Wood. I had plenty. The deadfall was a short walk and would be a very easy source of dry wood for quite a while before we had to look elsewhere. I had been careful to shake off any spiders or beetles and check for snakes before I reached into the wood pile. I started off the morning by collecting enough wood to pile up a supply to last for several days. I even stacked it according to size as well as collecting some tinder in case I had to start from scratch. I tried to keep some coals burning at all times since there was enough wood all around us and I would be wasteful to use the lighter fluid unnecessarily.

Weather. It was a bit chilly this time of morning, but Ranger was warm by the fire and shielded from the wind in the cave. I had extra layers to throw on as well as the leather bomber jacket for going outside. Luckily I had worn some heavier boots to my baby shower because I had been paranoid about slipping on the ice in Trenton. They would come in handy because they were sturdy, high quality, waterproof, and most importantly they were warm. If we had to hike out of here I would be as well equipped as Ranger when it came to shoes because he always wore top of the line combat boots, and we had three spare sets of socks too. But even though Spring was clearly on its way, there could be a storm or cold snap. Would we be prepared? The opening to the cave would let wind and snow in, so I should make a door. The plane door was big but heavy and there may not be tools to take it off the hinges. I would have to go native and tie together some sticks and large leaves perhaps? I would work on that solution late tonight after dark, and start by piling up some supplies from the plane and nearby forest to work on ideas.

Widowmakers and Wigglies. To protect us from predators I'd already found the cave, built a fire, stockpiled all weapons and ammo, and relied Kody to keep guard overnight. But small insects or arachnids could be just as deadly. I decided to make an old fashioned broom by tying some dry thick weeds around a stick to get the extra dirt out and rid the cave of any spider webs. I would also need to be careful walking through high grass and be on the lookout for snakes. I also needed to heighten my awareness of some of the smallest living things around for food resources. I didn't like the idea of eating insects, but I needed variety in my diet and grub worms or other creatures could be a great source of protein and minerals that were common food all over the world. But better yet, if I could fashion a hook and line I could use them for fishing instead!

Water. I had plenty, but it occurred to me yesterday that would have to get some kind of container to boil and sterilize the lake water because the cola would run out soon. The stream was fast flowing and looked clean enough, but it wasn't worth chancing and Raki had told me that bacteria don't care if water is aerated or not. The cola cans could be filled with water and put by the fire, but the aluminum was so thin it might melt before the water got to a rolling boil. I hoped that a piece of the plane would work for that purpose and put it on my mental checklist of items to salvage today.

I decided that my first task of the morning was obviously more plane salvage because it would have the richest resources and help me assess more quickly what assets we had and what we didn't. After stretching out my back and emptying the knapsack except for some rope, I threw it over my shoulder, grabbed the knife, then hiked with Kodiak the mile or so back to the plane. As we approached I looked around to be aware of food resources. I would need to stockpile some in case of bad weather, and I vowed to look set out snare traps today. I decided that the MRE's were only for if things got really bad, even though my stomach was rumbling as we got close to the plane.

As we approached I remembered all the blood in the cabin, so I stalked forwards quietly and kept the knife at ready. I would have Kody go ahead of me and clear the plane cabin, and as we got closer I could hear a rustling sound inside it. I slowed my approach and waited and watched soundlessly. Kody crouched on his belly near me and barely breathed. I could tell from the way his hair stood up he was alerting on something too. It wasn't long before the morning light cast a small shadow, enough to see it was a medium sized animal. I flash of fur wandered past the window and I concluded it was a small cat, perhaps some species of lynx that was licking the delightful spatters of brain matter that Ranger had so generously put on cockpit wall for it. It was small enough Kody could handle it, and if he got a good grip on the neck I could come in and finish it off with the knife. We stalked in extremely slowly, and I was so proud of myself and my partner for practicing and following hand commands consistently so that we could be perfectly stealthy for times like this. Before we could get close enough to the plane the lynx must have spooked and it darted out the front window, but fortunately we were so close that Kody was able to pounce quickly. He wouldn't have beat him in chase, but in brute power it was no contest. He had the cat subdued quickly enough, but its neck wasn't snapped because it was too heavy to toss side to side without losing his jaw grip. He held him down upon my command, and I stabbed the blade into the heart.

It was over quickly after that. I wouldn't say that killing came easily to me now, but I did it out of necessity without a second thought in the heat of the moment. This was the first moment that the man I'd slaughtered with the assault rifle even came to my mind since it had happened. I shrugged it off, though I hated that it was easier now to let it go. I hated killing. I hoped I could go the rest of my life without having to kill anyone else, but when it was necessary to save my life and that of my child I didn't have that many complicated emotions about it.

Raki had taught me to thank the animal for its sacrifice and be grateful to the universe after a kill, so even though it hardly came naturally to me when I was stranded in the middle of nowhere, I took a silent moment of gratitude. After all, this was large enough to feed me and Ranger and Kody for an entire day and would provide a substantial size hide. I decided to skin it back at the cave after I'd collected my salvage, but I did gut it quickly to keep the meat from contaminating.

The plane salvage went extremely well, even though it was clearly an older utilitarian model and mostly stripped out to carry its illegal cargo for the cartel's purposes. I looked harder and longer today for materials because I now had time and bright daylight on my side. The age of the plane did help some because things were looser and easier to detach. I had to cut it in many places, but I managed to peel back the carpeting off of the floor of the plane and roll it up for transport to the cave. I cut the fabric off the plane seats, and after that the foam ripped off easily enough in large chunks. I would have enough to stack together for a comfortable sleeping spot for both myself and Ranger! I did find a small toolbox with an adjustable wrench and two smaller screwdrivers. They would be very useful for multiple purposes, though I was disappointed to find many parts of the plane were riveted on and I couldn't unscrew and pull apart. I would need brute force a man like Ranger might be able to muster for larger pieces, but I did take off a speaker cover I could use to strain debris out of water perhaps.

However, I was able to take off the smaller cargo hold door as well as a few flat metal panels that were designed to be removable for access to the engine block. I grabbed and cut off anything that I could move, including the pilot and co-pilot's headsets and cords, the seat belts, a Maglite with busted bulb, some plastic dome light covers for food bowls, and then all the loose wires and hoses and tubes I could pull from the engine. I carefully pried out a few sharp pieces of glass that still had the rubber and glue edging from window seal attached. It would essentially give me a dull rubber edge for grip, but a sharp edge for cutting and scraping a fresh kill. I was already dulling the one knife I had, so it would be important to find or make other cutting tools. Fortunately the windshield glass was thick enough to withstand pressure withuot breaking, so any longer slivers I found were salvaged so that they could be tied with leather to a stick or rock for a makeshift blade. It took some patience, but I got a few of the small but sharp slivers of metal on the raw edges where the plane had struck the tree to break off. I was careful not to cut myself, and after bending the metal until it was fatigued enough to split I had several that would make good serrated edges. They could work for arrows or spears, but they also seemed like my best bet for use as fish hooks once I bent them at the correct angles.

Oddly enough, my purse had not made it into the plane but the bag of goodies I'd gotten from Dominatrix Dominique was in the back of the cargo hold. I opened the bag, then quickly shut it again. I had no idea what practical use there was for what was inside…but I decided to think about that unnatural decision later. But the biggest score was when I looked up. I'd been so intent on seeking other shelter and caring for Ranger that I'd missed it the previous day. The ceiling was actually lined with a quilted thermal fabric for insulation. Beneath it was squares of some kind of square hard foam pieces for further insulation. It was now Ranger's and my new blanket for sleeping after I ripped it down, and the foam pieces would be more padding for the bed as well as something I could stack up to sit on.

I managed to pry loose a large metal piece of the wing that had broken off upon impact, which was about three feet long and two feet wide. It wasn't ideal to cover the cave door, but I thought it would be handy as a makeshift table and hard surface for cutting and prepping my kills, and wiping off the blood so it wouldn't draw predators. For getting everything back to the cave it would function as a sled for Kody. I loaded it up with everything I couldn't fit in the knapsack, and after roping a harness Kody we drug it back to the cave slowly. I stopped to rest by a large rock, and noticed some tall dry grass and reeds. I harvested them for my broom idea.

The rest of the morning and afternoon went quickly because I had a lot to keep me busy in between checking on Ranger. I cooked up the lynx after giving a raw haunch to Kody, and I was able to use my new glass scraper effectively to harvest the hide more cleanly and leave it out to dry next to the fox from the previous night. It tasted even better than the fox did, and I ate as much as I could stomach. There was plenty leftover for later, and since I didn't know how long it would keep I vowed to finish it by the end of the day and toss it after that since I didn't have any refrigeration.

Raki had taught me to smoke and preserve meat, but that would be time and be resource intensive. I would rather wait until Ranger was awake, so I made and set out some snare traps with some raw meat as bait, and managed to make one deadfall trap with a large flat stone that would crush a small animal when it tripped it. I would check them in the morning and hopefully at least one would render us a meal for the next day. As it was I was getting plenty to eat, though fruit would be hard to come by to round out my diet. Maybe tomorrow I would sharpen up a digging stick or fashion a trowel out of a metal shard from the plane so I could dig for some tubers or ground nuts. I thought I might have spied some green shoots near the woods that smelled faintly of onion, and if I was lucky maybe I'd found a wild patch. If I found a natural grain or edible berry in the area then I would be thrilled. But I was staying away from all mushrooms because you had to be an expert to mess with those. I knew that you could often rely on watching what the wild animals in the area ate to know what was safe, but it was not a 100% reliable method. And mushrooms were often deadly in very small quantities. I'd give anything for a field guide to native flora and fauna, but hopefully Ranger's familiarity with the area would be as close as I could get. I was eating for two, and my purse with my prenatal vitamins was not in the plane so variety would help make sure I got what I needed for balanced nutrition. If I craved something odd or ate non-traditional parts of the animal it would also be a good way to balance my diet.

I made my broom by tying the straw and reeds around a long stick with some wire from the engine, and by the time I was done sweeping our little cave looked and felt much cleaner. There were no more spider webs on the ceiling or animal scat in the corners. For the half of the cave that had the thick, hard, and dry dirt floor I made do by laying out the carpet on top of most of it so that I would have an improved surface. It achieved my goal of keeping me from constantly getting dirty. I finally took the time to wash my clothes and bathe in the creek after that. It was a very brisk and cold experience, but I was able to lay out my maternity clothes to dry and figure out a way to make the other clothing fit me in the meantime. I would look for some kind of soap root later. Raki had told me that some plants have roots that if mashed up and will foam a little bit to help you feel cleaner, but water alone was typically enough. I felt a lot better after my bath, and dried off by the fire.

I used a few boughs and leaves, then half of the foam ceiling squares, then the seat foam, and finally the seat covers to fashion a mattress. It was impressive. Once I slid Ranger back over and tucked him in I resisted the urge to nap and wove another sitting mat out of my cattail reeds while I relaxed for a while on the soft surface. I gnawed on the starchy cattail roots I'd cut off while I opened up the plastic MRE packets to take stock. I was super excited about the plastic spoon and miniature bottle of Tabasco sauce to add flavor. I was hoping to make a stew with a curved metal plane piece that I'd salvaged.

It was shaped more like a wok pot with one long flat edge than a proper pot, but once I got the oil and grime cleaned off the steel surface it would do just fine. If I could find a way to hang or brace it near the fire then I would be able to get it to boil easily or angle it so I could use the flatter sides to fry up meat. Until I figured out something to suspend it over the fire I would use a hot stone technique Raki taught me, which worked by heating river rocks and dropping them in the water. I would keep changing them out with some hastily fashioned wood tongs until the water was hot enough to be sterilized for drinking. I filled up the two now empty cola cans with water, careful to point them downstream so less floaters and bacteria would flow in. After an hour and a half of work I had poured them in my cooking container and had the water hot enough, though the exterior side of the plane part stank for a while since it had a coat of paint to bubble and burn off initially.

I used the cargo hatch door to cover up a corner of the cave entrance, and could use the metal attachments as hinges for a door I planned to fashion to keep the wind out. But that could wait until it was dark to begin work on. Instead I busied myself with the other tasks I'd planned.

The fact was I was running out of things to do before it was dark, and honestly I was lonely and getting scared that Ranger wasn't waking up. I'd already sorted all my salvage and supplies into neat piles like Suzy Homemaker and had the place set up like a primitive base camp. I'd even fashioned a fishing line and hook and put the remaining raw meat on it. I set it out in the creek with the other end tied to the dead tree by the cave, hoping that I might get lucky enough to snag a fish. I wasn't optimistic, but it was worth a shot.

Kody had a few minor cuts from the lynx claws earlier, but I knew they could easily get infected with that particular type of animal. I poured a little tequila on them. He whined in pain, but submitted to me because he trusted me. Then I turned to Ranger's wounds and disinfected them again. I used his torn T-shirt to wash him off again, and whispered soothingly in his ear. The cut on his side was healing, but the edge of it was not holding closed.

I'd been dreading this all day. I didn't have tape. I didn't have a stapler. I didn't have a needle. But I did have some animal sinew from the fox and lynx. He needed stitches. Shit. Well…at least he was unconscious and barely responsive to pain. No time like the present.

The sinew from the fox last night was tough because it was dried out, but if I wet the ends it would soften up. I figured if I could poke a few holes in the flesh I could poke the dry ends of the sinew through the holes, pull them through, then tie knots and cut the ends off. I thought about using some wood and whittling it down so I could poke the holes, but it just seemed like it would make the wound full of splinters. Whittling something that narrow would be difficult and it could break off easily. But as I spied Kody gnawing on the femur of the lynx he had eaten for brunch, inspiration hit me. I took one of the bones from the lynx and then smashed it between two rocks from beside the fire. As I'd hope, the bone splintered into long thin shards. However, they weren't hard enough for my purposes. But the lynx was also fresh bone. I tried the fox bones from last night, and the splinters were firmer. I walked quickly do the deadfall where I'd seen other bones and got a selection of different sizes and types from animals that had been crushed in the rushing water, rocks, and wood from last season. After about fifteen minutes of smashing bones, I finally came up with a few ideal bone shards with needle sharp points. I tried to see if I could use my knife to carve a small hole for the sinew to thread through the thicker end, but the tool just wasn't fine enough to do the job without the tip breaking off under the pressure. Where was a sewing kit when you needed one?

I tried to steady the wound as much as possible, and fortunately the bone end was so sharp it didn't tug too much at the edges that were starting to heal. It did cause fresh bleeding when I poked the sinew through and knotted it, but after holding some direct pressure it stopped quickly enough. I put in three homemade stitches. I rinsed it with alcohol after the bleeding stopped completely, and made sure the entire area was clean. When I was done I leaned back and admired my work. Then I tried really hard not to throw up. I realized I'd been so nervous I was sweating, so I took off my shirt so that I was clad only in my bra and the pilot's cargo pants that were slung low around my hips, leaving room for my enormous naked belly. My regular clothes would be dry soon anyway. I sure hope he appreciated this when he woke up.

Why wasn't he waking up? The subconscious fear that that had been nagging at me all day finally broke the surface as I sipped my sterilized water out of a coke can that I'd poured it back into. Ranger had been out for almost a day and a half. You could survive three full days without water. After two days you could have serious problems. Even though it hadn't been hot, I was worried about dehydration. But I couldn't exactly pour water down an unconscious man's throat. I didn't have enough skill or a working flashlight that would enable me to put a tube down his throat, and if he wasn't unconscious enough to disable his gag reflex that wouldn't even work.

The stitches were unpleasant, but I had tried to control my emotions and approach the task as though I was sewing fabric instead of actual skin. Thank God that was over. But what I had to do next I was not looking forward to either. I took a long piece of hose I'd ripped off the plane that was about a half inch in diameter, then I rinsed it as thoroughly as I could in the creek. It was a heavy plastic vacuum hose of some sort, and I was going to use it to give Ranger a water enema so he didn't get dehydrated. I really didn't want to do this. But I remember Raki saying to me once "Get bashful…get dead." when I'd refused to pee around our camping ground to scent mark the area to ward off certain animals. That reminded me, I needed to do that later too. Sigh.

I got the can of sterilized water ready, and rolled Ranger to his uninjured side. I slid the shirt off that I had draped across his hips. It revealed his luscious backside. I slid my hand across it, took a deep breath, then grabbed the tube with the other hand.

"What are you doing?" I heard Ranger ask in a deep, raspy voice. I was so surprised I screamed, and Kodiak started growling at Ranger in response. I signaled Kody to relax.

"Uh….nothing. Why don't you try to sit up a bit and sip some water." I scrambled, almost knocking over the water can as I hid the vacuum tube behind me. I help him to sit up and I hastily tossed the shirt back over his hips. With some difficulty he was able roll onto his back, and I propped him up a bit with the jacket. He looked alarmed, and I could tell he was trying to get his bearings.

One hand went to the side of his head and felt the knot, and he winced almost imperceptibly in pain. The other then went to his side and he ran his hand over the stitches I'd just made. Those had to hurt too, but maybe the pain had helped rouse him from his unconscious state.

"Just relax. We're safe. Take a few small sips of water for me, okay?" I asked gently, holding the can to his lips. He shook his head no.

"Ranger please…it's been almost two days. You need water." I begged.

"Where is it from?" he asked, his voice still raspy from disuse.

"The fast flowing stream right outside the door." I answered. "But don't worry…I boiled it to make sure it's sterile. Now drink some." I sounded more authoritative this time, and he finally complied by taking small sips until I was satisfied that he'd finished half a can. I would have given him cola if he'd insisted, but far be it from me to pollute the temple…even if we were in the middle of nowhere and had only two choices.

"Not safe…" he tried to say, coughing abruptly. I could tell the coughing hurt him badly from the way he tensed. He probably had some bruised or broken ribs.

"Yes Ranger…we are." I tried to convince him. He shook his head, trying to look around him to familiarize himself with his surroundings. I knew what he was doing because it's exactly what I would do in his situation. I directed his line of sight to the arsenal of weapons and ammunition by his right hand, exactly where I knew he would want and expect them to be. I watched him to take count and confirm they were the sum total of what our captors would have carried. He took a deep breath but didn't relax at all.

"Stephanie, the transponder….it's tracking us…" he managed to get out before coughing again. His eyes flickered with something that scared me.

"It's dead. I shot it twice about an hour after we crash landed." I reassured him. His tension dissipated after I told him that, and he helped himself to another drink of water.

"Am I hallucinating?" he asked calmly, looking around.

"Why do you ask that?" I responded.

"Not real." he answered simply, looking a bit confused. Maybe he wasn't fully alert yet.

"Ummm…what's not real?" I asked him. He took another sip of water and cleared his throat. When he answered I realized he was alert and oriented to everything, but just have trouble believing what he was seeing.

"I appear to be in a cave with a beautiful woman instead of crashed into a mountainside. I'm lying on a soft surface instead of the rock floor. The cave has wall to wall carpeting and is stocked with extensive supplies in neat piles along the wall, including a change of clothes and tools. There's a fire. Fresh meat and animal hides. Stacks of wood in all sizes. Woven mats. And someone with medical training has somehow transported me, cleaned me up, and stitched my wound." he stated, looking around in disbelief.

I was about to answer him that the situation was perfectly plausible thanks to my training and experience practicing survivalism in the Colorado Rockies with Rakesh, but I heard a splashing noise in the creek outside and a branch being rustled. I got excited and darted out the door without any explanation to Ranger. I grabbed and yanked on my fishing line and felt resistance. I tugged hard enough to sink in the hook but not enough to pull it out of whatever was on the end. I reeled it in with my hands and I was elated to see a small fish was on the end of it. It flopped around on the shore, but I was held it down and extracted my hook carefully. I would definitely spend some more time fishing! But it was almost completely dark outside now so I would bait the hook in the morning and make a few more.

"So what do you want for dinner?" I asked Ranger. "Beef or fish?" He raised his eyebrow at me.

"I'm definitely hallucinating." he said.

"Aren't you the one that always says that I never disappoint?" I huffed, hand on my hip. I ignored him and cut a slit in the fish to gut it. He raised an eyebrow at my swift butchering skills. I made quick work of it because I couldn't wait to eat some, and was excited to see it was female and had a pouch full of eggs that I hastily set aside. I put it in my cook pot on the flat side and placed it over some coals after I stoked the fire some more. I popped some of the salty fish eggs directly in my mouth, and the flavor tasted good even though the texture was not my favorite. I wasn't going to complain because I needed all the calories and nutrition I could for the baby. I took some of the fish guts and put them inside the stomach of the fox and lynx that I had saved. They made great water proof pouches, and I could use the innards for baiting hooks tomorrow.

"Caviar?" I offered on the plastic spoon for him. He shook his head again. His loss. I ate the rest of it, wishing I had a cracker.

"Who else helped you?" he asked.

"What do you mean? It's just me and Kodiak." I told him, flipping the fish to the other side with the wood tongs I'd whittled earlier. It was cooking quickly. Why did he think I had help? But after I thought about it a second I realized that I had accomplished a lot a day and a half, and he wasn't exactly aware of how in depth my survival training had been. No wonder he looked a little mystified.

This was Ranger. He was a military man. And I realized that he needed a status report. I decided I should oblige or he would never relax. I sighed, took the fish off of the heat, and took a deep breath. This was going to be a long explanation.

"We crashed yesterday in the mid-afternoon. I shot the transponder like I said, and the plane is on the edge of the lake shore and has enough trees around it that I doubt it could be spotted from the air." I told him. "I made a harness and with Kodiak's help we disposed of the three bodies by sending them downstream. I stripped them for their clothes and supplies first of course. They are probably to Antarctica by now. I had to make sure they didn't attract predators, and all the blood in the plane cabin and the need for a fire made it a bad place to stay for the night. With the damage to the windshield and sides anything could get inside. So instead I scouted out this location and made a travois so that Kody and I were able to drag you here. I gathered everything we need in full supply as you can see around you, including a few days of MRE's from the plane if things get bad. Kody is able to help me hunt, so I've got a lynx and fox hide over there drying and some leftover meat we'll need to eat in the next hour or two before it spoils. I've got a fishing line set out, and can put out some more in the morning since that experiment appears to be a success. There are some snare traps and a deadfall trap also set up, so I'll check them in the morning too. I've got us well stocked and prepared, so you should just focus on resting up and healing. I made a bone awl and used some sinew to give you three stitches because you wound wasn't staying closed, but I disinfected the area repeatedly with some tequila I found in a flask in the pilot's jacket. I've got just enough medical training to get by, fortunately for you. I need you back at 100% because I am getting too pregnant for these kind of shenanigans. When the baby drops to get ready for birth it will be much harder to walk around. I'll need you at full strength to help us figure out how to get out of here and back home before that happens." I finished. It felt like I should take a bow or something. I don't know what I expected after that. It was silent for a long time

"Aren't you going to say something?" I asked him.

"I'm thinking." He answered.

"Don't you have some sort of reaction?" I asked him.

"I'm impressed. I don't often underestimate people, but you never cease to surprise me." he answered.

"I guess I'll take that as a compliment. I owe a lot to my teacher. Hey…since you seem to be in a better mood now, I have a favor to ask you." I responded.

"I'll do what I can." he responded, one eyebrow cocked quizzically.

"Ranger," I paused for effect. "The next time we are on a plane in a life or death situation, DON'T SHOOT THE PILOT!" I screamed at him. There. That felt sooooo much better. I'd been holding that inside for a while now.

"In my defense, he did say he was a dead man anyway if he let us escape. He would have crashed us into the mountain." he replied calmly.

"Some excuse…" I mumbled. It was a pretty good excuse, but I wasn't about to forgive him for making me land a plane after one measly lesson.

"I was impressed by your kick to that guy's head. He was the same one that knocked you out at the gun range throwing the door into you. Payback." he commented, his lips curving up ever so slightly into an almost smile.

"Flattery will get you nowhere." I lied. Flattery would get him anywhere he wanted. "I'm still amazed he was dumb enough to cut the ropes on my legs." I commented.

"I convinced him if he delivered the baby he could sell it for profit, and then I would tell them everything they wanted to know if he let it live." Ranger explained.

"Oh." Wow. So that was what they were all talking about in Portuguese. Yikes.

I sat down next to Ranger on the carpet and made him and I two plates on some metal plane pieces I'd cleaned up earlier for that function. I gave him the spoon and I ate with my fingers. Lynx and fish. Yummy. The fish was excellent and a good change from wild game. I tried to eat it slowly and not make a pig out of myself. I was happy to see Ranger eat an entire portion because it reassured me that he was going to be okay.

The baby started kicking me in my bladder, which was his favorite pastime right after I ate and when I was ready to go to sleep. I rubbed my hand across my giant exposed belly as I sat Indian style. My clothes were probably dry by now and I should change back into them before bed.

"Can I feel him?" Ranger asked me quietly. The question surprised me, but I nodded. He gently placed his hand on my belly, and I smiled when my son kicked him right in the hand as if on cue. The warmth of his palm was reassuring somehow on my skin. We sat that way for a while, until my bladder couldn't take it anymore. I excused myself and offered Ranger an empty container to relieve his own needs, taking the plates to wash in the creek.

I walked outside with Kody at my side and looked up at the stars. Without all of the city lights you could see so many of them here. It was beautiful and calm. Now that Ranger was awake I was surprised at how calm I felt. We would find a way out of here. I just hoped it didn't take too long.

When I got back to the cave I changed outside into my now dry maternity undershirt and pants. They made a pretty good set of pajamas. When I saw Ranger rolled to his good side patting the other side of the bed, I was suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion. I laid down and gently relaxed into him with my back curled into his front. He wrapped and strong arm around me and I sighed.

"Ranger?"

"What Babe?"

"Why were you so relaxed during the landing?" I asked him.

"People always perform better when you remain calm and let them know that you believe in them. And I believe in you. Though I didn't know just how much you were capable of. This cave is almost…domestic." he commented. "I'm surprised you didn't find a way to paint the walls."

I laughed at that. "I'll work on that, right after we make a door tomorrow to keep out the elements."

"Good idea." He said. "Steph?"

"What Ranger?"

"Were you about to give me a water enema?"

"Uh…yeah." I answered, embarrassed. "Let's never talk about that again, okay?"

"Babe." he said, nuzzling his face into my hair and kissing my neck. I shivered and pulled the thermal blanket over us, relaxing into him as I fell asleep.


	69. Taming Tarzan

Chapter 69

_Well my dear readers I have been busy with a dozen DIY projects around the house preparing for the twins. We are 2 mos or less away from delivery! I'm getting so excited! I have had a trainee at work and I work all the time to make overtime pay, so I have little downtime to write. My trainee finally went to a class for two weeks, so I am hoping to finish this story while she is gone if things aren't too busy. Please be patient with me, but I will get this finished and have the latter chapters mostly written, so I just have to get to that point. _

_Remember, I am a review slut so the more you leave me the more motivated I'll be! ~CarpeFic'nDiem (AKA: Tahara)_

I woke up with a pervading feeling of alarm, not knowing why. I realized quickly it was because Ranger wasn't next to me. I startled awake and scanned around the cave. The light filtering through told me that it was late in the morning and I had slept far too long. I'd been absolutely exhausted. The fire was down to a few embers so I threw some wood on it and built it back up again. No sooner had I moved to get up and look for Ranger than I saw him come in the door, leaning heavily on a makeshift walking stick.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked him.

"Going to the bathroom. Taking a look around. Didn't want to wake you." he answered.

"You have no business walking around! I told you I need you healed up, and a broken rib could puncture a lung if you move around too much. Why didn't you wake me? I've got to check my traps and get us some food before scavengers get at anything I scored overnight." I told him, standing up and rushing about to get some supplies together for the short hike to my traps.

Ranger walked over to the bed and very carefully made his way back in it. I could tell it was very painful, but he remained silent. I suddenly felt bad for scolding him. I was afraid, and it was making me talk to him in a way I hadn't dared to before. I sat back down next to him.

"Look…I know you aren't used to resting and letting other people take care of you. Especially in my condition. But I'm scared and I need you at full strength for later, and if you push yourself now then we could have worse problems." I offered. He took it in and was silent for a few moments, but I could tell he knew I was right. What I was asking him to do just wasn't in his nature.

"Whoah. Look at me getting in touch with all these feelings. Where the hell did that come from?" I said, nudging him playfully. He finally responded.

"Look who has ESP now." he commented wryly. "Okay. I'll take it easy."

He put his hand on mine.

"What are you scared of?" he asked me.

"I'm not scared that we won't get out of here. I'm not scared that we won't get home. I'm scared I'll somehow wind up delivering the baby here." I answered.

"That is a strong possibility Babe. From what I can tell, getting out of here is going to involve some climbing. You can't do that in your condition. You're strong, but I don't think it's physically possible without sending you into labor or getting you hurt. You need a safe and clean place to labor and deliver and rest. After the birth it would be easier and far safer to make a carrier and hike out. We'll also need time to gather supplies and food that will keep for traveling."

"Don't say that." I told him, my voice starting to shake.

"It's the truth." he answered calmly.

"So go for help alone. I can fend for myself." I begged him.

"By the time my ribs heal up and I can climb out of here for help without killing myself in the process, you'll be so far along that I shouldn't leave you for more than a few hours. Finding help will take a few days there and back. Getting help back to you in this mountainous terrain will be no small feat and could easily attract cartel attention. But I think you already know that." he responded, his hand gripping mine as I began to cry.

"What if I die in childbirth? What if I die after childbirth? What if the baby isn't born healthy? What if I don't produce enough breast milk? In any of these scenarios my son will die. I don't care if I die, but he'll die without me here to feed him."

"What if everything goes well?"

"What if it doesn't?"

"You can't control the outcome beyond taking care of yourself, which you've been doing a great job of. Worrying isn't going to help anything." he answered.

He was right. Worrying myself sick and surrendering to my fears would only make things worse. It was a trap and was counter intuitive to a survival mentality. Raki would be telling me to get a grip right now, and Ranger was next to me now effectively saying the same thing.

So I did. I sucked it up and got busy surviving.

For the next two weeks while Ranger healed I set out daily traps and fishing lines and made short hunting forays with Kodiak. Kody had turned into a skilled hunter and together we were able to scare up and catch small game without expending too much energy. I worked up some new commands and signals, and we perfected our technique until we were successful most of the time. He did so well that I let him roam freely to capture his own dinner while I rested, because he always came back within two hours and I could tell he had eaten something. As long as I took first dibs when we hunted together, he still recognized his place in the pack and obeyed me. He was a powerful animal and I was infinitely grateful to have him along or our survival would have been in jeopardy.

Ranger and I had hours to talk, especially late at night. I taught him all about K-9 training, which turned out to be something he didn't know that much about. I was so excited to be the expert for once, and I showed him drills and commands. Within a week he had learned all of them and Kody was obeying his signals. Between Ranger and Kodiak they both helped make the time pass faster, and both were very warm to cuddle into on the colder nights.

We managed to fashion a brace for Ranger's torso and a seat back of sorts to keep him from pulling at the wound or moving so much his ribs wouldn't set and possibly re-break. Ranger kept his word and made very short trips outside of the cave with a walking stick and did take it easy. However after we fashioned a work area next to him he managed to keep himself busy inside skinning animals, cooking them, and even showing me how to tan and stretch leather. He wove mats and baskets with the reeds and vines I brought him, a skill I didn't know he possessed. We also worked together to smoke meat so that we had a decent stockpile of protein for travel and not always have to rely on fresh meat that spoiled quickly.

I'd managed to find some starchy groundnuts, wild onions, some edible roots, edible leaves, berries, and some kind of fruit that I wasn't sure what it was. Ranger used animal fat to make some dried cakes out of the mix for travel so that we could make better time out of here without stopping to forage and hunt. I would need the calories if I was going to produce enough milk, because I would be burning so many calories hiking out of here and I would need to double my regular caloric intake on top of that. I did get some grubs and worms from rotted wood piles, but I couldn't bring myself to eat them until things got desperate. Fortunately Ranger was willing to eat them for a protein source so I could eat more of the yummier stuff. He said they didn't taste good, but he had done it in jungles across the world many times before and was a lot more used to it than I was. I didn't feel guilty. After all, I was eating for two and as far as I was concerned nothing he ever ate tasted good. He did talk me into eating some of the snails I found by the creek bed, and to my surprise they were tasty. We were doing well on food, so the MRE's remained untouched for now except for the tiny Tabasco sauce bottle. It made the stews I cooked more flavorful.

We had a lot of time on our hands so we used it. During the late hours of night by firelight we worked on fashioning homemade weaponry. We had guns but they drew attention and we didn't want to use our remaining ammo unless completely necessary. Who knew what we would encounter when we emerged from the wilderness? So we made some spears and fire hardened the tips, and then he fashioned some arrows and a bow as well. Both the spears and bow were harder to master and I had no experience with either like he had. Instead I devoted more of my time to making a pouch full of gravel stones and used a sling to fling them at smaller game. I would practice for hours trying to hit the target we drew on the wall with some chalky stone, then sweep them up and start over. I was amazed at how I was able to become deadly accurate at high speed, but with enough practice anything was possible. I even worked on a technique to reload it on the downswing so I could double tap my prey. I had tried for a few birds in the tree and missed, but I was pretty close and would keep at it until I had success.

One of the tougher projects involved gathering samples of every kind of rock I could find. Ranger was looking for flint to start a fire, a sharpening stone for the knife, a hammerstone to hit other rocks to make them flake and cleave, and the rocks that would cleave properly instead of chipping or cracking. I never found the flint so we were stuck with more time and energy consuming methods of firestarting if the lighter ran out of butane. But after some serious trial and error we found the right kinds of stones for the other three purposes. It was fascinating to watch him work, though loud and annoying so I tended to hunt during those times. I would return to tiny sharp chips of rock that took me a while to clean up. But the end result I suppose was worth it. He had fashioned a wide selection of blades and scrapers, and even a makeshift axe with a wooden handle that worked well on green or really dry boughs if they were smaller.

We had piles of skins and leathers, some of which would be used for wrapping the baby, and the softer, more absorbent skins for makeshift diapers. With the larger ones he fashioned a large pack for him to carry most of our supplies out, and a smaller pack for me. He'd used the animal stomachs to store some of the boiled water so that we had little balloons of drinkable water for traveling. But my favorite thing he made was a loincloth, because he wanted to conserve the clothing in case we needed the fabric for the baby or other purposes. The cave had no windows, but let's just say it had an incredible view. It was really hard not to stare and lick my lips, but I managed to restrain myself. Most of the time…

We'd also fashioned a door of sorts for the cave opening, but the weather held and actually got warmer so it really wasn't necessary. But it could double as a travois and be modified to make a baby carrier. Ranger and I worked together on the design. Life together for those two weeks was almost…domestic.

He kept me focused on getting out of here, so I busied myself with any preparation I could…no matter how menial. I learned a lot from him, and he even taught me some things Raki hadn't. We talked for hours about survival training, including environments I'd never even been in like jungles and deserts. He gave me lessons in building rafts and boats, even though we lacked the tools to make one or calm enough waters to use it. I tried not to push myself too hard and took plenty of time to rest. As time passed Ranger was able to make longer trips outside the cave. But as morning broke on the first day of the third week, our roles shifted.

I woke up gasping. It had become harder to sleep since the baby was growing so much, but this was a new kind of discomfort. I moaned as I felt little feet kicking and pushing at me in new places. It felt like a foot was stuck up in my ribs.

"What's wrong?" Ranger asked, suddenly awake.

"I think my boy is doing somersaults in there. It isn't pleasant." I gasped, lifting my shirt up and looking at my swollen belly.

We both looked, and to my shock and amazement I could literally see the baby turning. My stomach was morphing into a new shape, and I groaned at all the strange and aching sensations.

"I know pregnancy and birth are supposed to be a beautiful thing, but honestly I find some stuff to be pretty creepy." I whimpered. It sometimes felt like I had an alien living inside me, and right now as my belly made strange movements it sure looked like it too.

"He's turning…getting ready for birth." Ranger said. I realized he was right. We were one step closer. This also meant the baby was about to drop lower into my pelvis, and that would make walking around much more uncomfortable. Ranger answered my unspoken concerns.

"I'm healed enough Babe. I'll take over hunting and you can just check the closer snares and deadfall traps and monitor the fishing line. Just rest and keep busy at the cave, and I'll make scouting trips to find a way out of here, but I won't leave you for more than a few hours."

"You can take Kody with you." I told him.

"For hunting yes, but for the scouting trips when I'll be gone longer he can stay with you. He'll keep you safe, and if you start having contractions just send him to track me down and I'll come running back."

"Sounds like a plan." I said. We laid there together for a while, and he kept his arm around me while I tried to breathe deeply. After about a half hour it seemed like my boy had reached his destination. He was ready to head out, so to speak. I was infinitely relieved, because a breech delivery without a doctor and hospital was not always possible, and they don't teach you how to perform a Cesarean section in the Special Forces I'm sure.

That next week I was much more restless, but of course I spent a lot more time alone and bored. I became an expert basket weaver, and my skills with the sling were perfected. I did check the traps, and foraged for food in my favorite closer spots. But most of the time I rested in the bed because I was more able to waddle than walk at this point. I was at thirty seven and a half weeks. It was still considered full term if he was born now even though it wasn't forty weeks yet. I'd been counting the days, and it was the middle of March. My thoughts drifted and I wondered what all the people I loved were doing right now. They probably thought I was dead.

"I've found it." Ranger said, walking suddenly into the cave in the late afternoon. He'd been gone so long I started to worry.

"Found what? A snake?" I asked, staring at the three foot dead reptile hanging around his neck. I actually licked my lips at the thought. What? It totally tasted like chicken. Besides… seeing Ranger's muscular silhouette in the waning light in a loincloth with a snake draped around him made me have Tarzan fantasies on the spot.

"A way out. I was able to get to a high vantage point and spotted a southern pass and I can see some signs of civilization, but there's a rock outcropping along the way that will involve some climbing along a steep incline. But I think I've found enough handholds that it's possible to reach the top. I'm the stronger climber so I can strap the baby to my back. We have enough rope that you can secure it to you after I place it at the top so that you'll have a lifeline and I can belay you." he answered.

I started to get excited, but then I thought about our other companion. "But what about Kody?"

"When we both get to the top we can haul Kodiak up if we fashion a leather harness that's strong enough. I think it should hold him." he responded. I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"How long will it take?" I asked.

"After that it's only a few more miles. I think we can make the trip in two days if we don't have to stop much. I don't know if they'll have phones, but as soon as we can get to one I'll contact Rangeman. They can have an extraction team here in about a day and half."

The thought of going home had me excited. There was just one problem. And it weighed around six pounds. "So that's it. I have to deliver here." I stated.

"Yes." he answered, though I didn't really need to hear it to know.

"I don't suppose you stumbled across an anesthesiologist on one of your scouting trips did you? Because my birth plan includes an epidural." I grumbled. It also would have involved Lula offering such inspiring coaching phrases such as "You show that contraction who's the motherfuckin' boss!" and "Don't push yet or I'll slap you white girl!" and "Holy shit I see the head, push bitch push!"

"You can do this Babe. I know you can." He said, throwing the snake onto the work table and sitting down behind me so that I could lean back against him. He kneaded my back and shoulders and it felt so fantastic I almost forgot about my fears.

"I think I can too actually. I'll do anything for my son. But right now I'm more worried that I won't go into labor at all. You can't exactly give me a pitocin IV drip to provoke contractions, and if I am stuck here another two weeks the baby could get so big he won't fit through the birth canal. If he gets too big and I can't push him out…" I rambled, my lower lip quivering.

"Shhhh….calm down querida. It will be fine." he soothed, wrapping his arms around me. I settled into him and tried to breathe deeply to relax.

"I've been trying to think of anything I can to provoke labor now that I'm full term, but I can't exactly google old wives tales." I complained.

"I've heard of one." he answered.

"Really! Great! Tell me…I'll do anything! I'm ready to get this baby out of me. What is it?" I exclaimed.

"Sex."


	70. The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

Chapter 70

_They were born early! A boy and a girl…I am finally a mother. Words cannot describe how full of joy I am. They will have a long NICU stay in India, but at 27 weeks gestation they have every chance of developing just fine! So if you are wondering why I haven't written in so long I have an excellent reason...I've been living in the third world for about a month and was finishing frantic preparations before that. My mother in law arrives tomorrow morning, and my husband in about 1-2 weeks when they are discharged and can come to the hotel. Definitely no promises on when I'll finish this story, but I will finish it because I'm just too close to the end and want to teach my children to finish what they start! But I knew I would finish this chapter right only after I met my children, so thanks for waiting. It's a bit short, but I have a lot written as we reach the grand finale so whenever I find time to write hopefully it will go quickly. If you want to follow my blog about my journey to get my babies it is www dot 10 miles uphill in the snow dog blogspot dot com . _

"Wha…what?!" I said, breaking out into an instant sweat. Did Ranger just offer me sex as a solution?

"Willing to take one for the team Babe." he said, his hand roaming from around my stomach region upwards and lightly resting on the side of my breast.

"Take one for the…Are you serious?" I exclaimed, whipping my head around to face him.

"When am I not serious?" he asked, an eyebrow cocked and his eyes darkening. He had a point there. His hands were back on me and tracing seductively up and down my arms.

I started thinking about it, and I did recall hearing something about sex provoking labor in my Lamaze class. He wasn't joking. "But Ranger…we couldn't possibly…" I stammered.

"Why?"

"I just broke up with someone…and you and I aren't…we're not…" I stuttered. I was suddenly ever so aware of the sculpted muscles across his rippled abdomen, and the perfectly angled line of his jaw leading my eyes to his full Latin lips.

"You just said you would do anything to get this baby out." he questioned with a predatory glance, one hand roaming to my breast and a thumb rubbing gently back and forth against my already tight nipple. I had been going braless and there was only thin cotton between his magic hands and my willing flesh. I moaned and my head rested against his shoulder as I relaxed into him. I suddenly couldn't remember why this was a bad idea.

"But I can't…shouldn't….about to be someone's mother…" I trailed off, my voice sounding distant as the blood pounded in my ears…and rushed to other places. I was already breathing heavy as his fingers nimbly caressed my breasts. The buttons on my shirt had been undone. When did that happen? He had somehow maneuvered me onto my back and now was hovering his mostly naked and truly magnificent body over mine.

"So?"

"I'm huge…" I lamented, my eyes locking onto his black eyes as they drew closer to mine.

"You're sexy." He said, pressing his lips gently onto my temple and trailing kisses down until his lips locked onto mine. I moaned and he slid his tongue inside my mouth and began lightly exploring. His silken black hair fell around me, and I felt him grow hard where he pressed into my thigh. Apparently he did find me sexy, though I couldn't fathom how when I looked like a walrus. He wore nothing but an animal hide held on with rope, and I had to stop my hand from reaching for the frayed end to tug it loose.

I couldn't resist him. Everything from his smell to his voice to the heat coming off his muscled mocha torso drew me in and I felt powerless over the magnetism he had. He was no good for me. I knew that. But at the moment I didn't care. I was in the middle of nowhere in the second scariest situation I had ever been in and he was my lifeline. And God help me…I still loved him.

I fisted my hand in his hair and pulled him closer to me. He responded by deepening his kiss before he traced his tongue down to my breasts that were now swollen to almost twice their pre-pregnancy size. He had more than a handful to work with now, so he used his mouth to make up the difference as he caressed and licked and sucked until I was gasping for air.

He rolled onto his side, pulling me up against him as much as was possible with my belly between us. His dark gaze locked onto me as he slid his hand down my side along what used to be my waist and then grasped my thigh. He pulled my leg up until it was bent and resting on top of his, and then his hand slid down lower into my pants and towards the promised land. His lips were right next to mine and his fingertips only inches away from ecstasy. I was aching for him. I felt almost desperate, and moaned his name.

Right as his fingertips were centimeters away from where I wanted them I felt a burst of wetness between my legs.

Then nothing happened.

"Babe."

"What!?" I panted. I was ready to beg if I had to. His fingers were still and he had me so pent up that I was mewling with desire.

"Your water broke."

"What? No! Not yet!"

"I'm that good."

"Damn it damn it damn it!"

"I thought that's what you wanted."

"Yes…but I was counting on an orgasm first!" I yelled. But instead I got a contraction. I had felt small ones before this point, but nothing like this. It took my breath away and I groaned loudly.

"Stephanie….are you okay?" he asked, looking genuinely concerned.

"I'm about to push something the size of a watermelon out of my body with nothing to dull the pain. NO! I'M NOT OKAY!" I yelled. Something about yelling made me feel better.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Ice chips. A doctor. My mom." I said, starting to cry.

"I'm sorry I can't give you those things. But you can still do this. Women have been doing this since the beginning of time, and I've never met a stronger woman than you." he told me.

"Really?"

"Really."

"It's time to meet your son. I'll be here with you the whole time."

Hearing him speak about meeting my son snapped me out of it. It was finally time. I had such a connection with what was growing inside of me the entire pregnancy, but somehow it's like I didn't believe it was going to be a real live baby that I would get to keep as my own. It was finally becoming real. I would get a piece of Joe back into this world. A part of me and him to love forever. I would be a mother. My heart suddenly soared at the thought of it, and as the next contraction hit I remembered to breathe my way through it.

"Okay." I said. "Let's do this. I think we have most of the supplies we need, but try to keep moist cloths ready at my side and plenty of sterile water."

He nodded and went to the creek to moisten the remnants of his shirt from the plane crash that we had been using as rags. I mentally ran through a list of things that we could use for labor and delivery. I'd paid enough attention in Lamaze classes and my medical training with Raki that I felt somewhat prepared.

String to tie off the cord. Check. Sharp edge to cut it. Check. Clean cloths and furs to dry and wrap the baby. Check. Sonogram machine and heart rate monitor. Nope. Bassinet and heat lamp. Nope. Oh well…we would make do. But it occurred to me that there was something we might really need that we didn't have. We needed one of those bulbs to suction out the baby's mouth and nose. What did they do before they had those?

When Ranger returned I explained the problem, and he reassured me by the time the baby was born he would make something that would help us suction, even if he had to use his own mouth to provide the suction power. I felt relieved once he was on the task, and while my contractions were still lighter he busied himself at the salvage pile grabbing materials.

He worked at it for about an hour until he had fashioned a suctioning device with a vacuum tube from the plane engine along with some pieces of a dried small animal stomach, some leather, and who knows what else. It looked more like a miniature fireplace bellows. But all I cared about was that it worked.

He checked on me the whole time and watched me breathe through the pain. That worked pretty well and I was able to tolerate it. But as night fell and the contractions got stronger and closer together it was harder and harder to keep control. Ranger told me not to hold back for his sake, so when I was hit with a hard one I did vocalize a bit. It would upset Kody and he would always come over to check on me. Eventually Kody came and sat down next to me and refused to leave my side.

The night drew on, and I labored by the firelight. He kept it stoked, and I tried to rest as much as I could when the pain would allow. Who knows how long this would take. I did get some sleep, but I know Ranger didn't and he kept constant watch. At times he massaged my back, and made sure he got me to eat and drink a little to keep my strength up.

It turned out that it took a very long time. As dawn broke I was sweating and screaming. I tried not to but when they got really bad I just couldn't help it. I hated those women who went through labor without any pain management and wax eloquent about it with pride afterwards about how they just focused on breathing and it wasn't that bad. I absolutely hated them, because no amount of breathing made this pain go away to the point that it wasn't excruciating at times. Just like those folks that die of cancer and they always say at the funeral "they never complained." Fuck them. At my funeral they'll say I complained nonstop cause it royally sucks to die of cancer.

We didn't exactly have a watch in the wilderness but at least eight hours had passed. "How much longer…" I asked the universe. I had been through horrible pain before, but nothing this sustained for this long. I knew it would end, but at the moment as another wave hit me it wasn't much comfort.

I tried to refocus on breathing through the pain, but as the next hour passed it failed miserably. I reached down to try to check how things were going down there, but not really knowing what to check for I just hoped that when it was time to push I would know.

The next two hours were excruciating, and the contractions became so close that I hardly had a break to breath between them. Ranger was by my side, and I could detect small signs of worry when he thought I wasn't looking. Suddenly, I felt the strong urge to go to the bathroom.

"I think I want to push..." I stammered as another contraction came on. The urge grew urgent. I knew that I probably didn't need to go to the bathroom at all and it was the sensation of the baby moving lower.

"That's it, I'm taking a look." he insisted confidently.

"No!" I reacted, clamping my thighs together.

"This is not the time to be modest. I've seen it before." he told me.

He had seen it up close and personal...there were a few very memorable times his head had been between my legs. But this time a head was coming out of it. "I don't think you've seen it quite like this." I commented.

"Babe...to quote you...'I got this.'" he assured me. Before I knew it he had strategically placed himself in between my legs and was looking very determined to catch this baby. I widened my legs and I swear his eyes widened a bit.

"Oh my God! What is it?" I asked.

"You are definitely having a baby. And he has dark brown curly hair."

"Really?" I smiled and started crying.

"I think it's time to push Babe." he stated simply, grabbing some of the supplies and placing them conveniently nearby.

So I did. I pushed. It felt like forever, and it hurt in a way I hoped to never hurt again. In actuality it was probably thirty minutes. It felt like I was being split in two.

Once I finally got the head out, I instructed Ranger on how to help the shoulders pass through by angling them to slide under the pubic bone. In between screams, that is.

I think I gave some instructions to tie off the cord but not cut it when it stopped pulsing, and to not raise or lower the baby below the level of the cord so blood wouldn't drain before that.

I think he may have asked a question to clarify. He also said something sweet that was probably perfect for the occasion. I was probably weeping with relief and joy when he cried. Not sure. I don't remember any of that.

All I remembered was the first time I ever saw his face. Everything else stopped. Nothing else in the world mattered. Nothing else and no one else would ever matter as much again.

My son. I decided at that moment to name him Vincent, after Raki's lost love. I'd lost Joe tragically also, but his last words made sure the name Joseph was off the list. Without the friendship and mentoring of Raki I never would have made it out of the darkness, and now he had also saved me from the wilderness. Bringing my son into the world was like bringing back everything good that had ever been lost, and any pain left inside from what had come before simply vanished. The name just felt right.

As I held his swaddled form that had been roughly dried off I became obsessed with every tiny detail. To the microscopic wrinkles on his tiny fingers, to the perfect little feet, the short curly mop of brown curly hair, a round little belly, chubby chipmunk cheeks, that little roll of fat high up on his thighs, his wide mouth with perfect miniature lips, and most of all his dark brown eyes that were like a force sucking me in. I held my breath every time he opened them just a tiny slit.

He looked so much like Joe, but his eyes and hair were mine. As I held him he scooted his way to my breast and latched effortlessly, and within the coming days would prove that he had inherited my appetite and love of sleeping.

I was stranded in the middle of nowhere without my family to share this moment, with all but the most bare necessities. Yet somehow...it was still perfect.


	71. Paying the Price

_Well dear readers, as I write this I am in the dark in a small house in India waiting for the bureaucratic machine to pump out the paperwork that will allow us to return home after this long two month journey. My daughter also had an infection and a 2nd stay in NICU, so things have been crazy. At the moment I'm waiting to make the next bottle before the twins tune up and start crying. It may not be the wilderness that Stephanie is in, but I can sure sympathize with her predicament. Doesn't look like my son has plans on letting me sleep much tonight, so I might as well write since he insists on my lap being the only place he is happy. He also insists that you bombard me with favorable reviews to keep me motivated to write. By the way, if you want to see a real man pull off something similar to what Ranger does at the end of this chapter, watch the very first episode of The Crocodile Hunter. Steve Irwin saves his wife from falling while they are climbing in search of poachers on their honeymoon, and it was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen. RIP. _

_ ~Carpe Fic'N Diem (AKA: Tahara)_

Chapter 71

For the next few days Ranger insisted I rest and gain back my strength and focus on caring for Vincent, while he made final preparations for our journey out of the wilderness. Figuring out breastfeeding consumed most of my energy, but by the second day it seemed to be going okay. He never strayed too far from the cave because I was still bleeding a lot and it had attracted scavengers. But between Ranger and Kody they were able to turn it into an easy opportunity to catch and cook game with very little effort.

We had a cheap watch from one of our captors with the glass cracked, but it still told me that Vincent was feeding roughly every few hours. I wanted a doctor so badly to tell me everything was fine and to take a blood test and look him over and weigh him, but my instincts and what I read about what to expect told me everything seemed to be progressing normally. With nothing else to do but rest and care for him I wasn't that sleep deprived and I felt my strength returning. Every moment seemed magical, and bathing him was my favorite activity. He would gaze at me and even smile, and I was amazed at every tiny movement he made. And when he got fussy I wrapped him tightly in the soft furs Ranger had made and then laid the giant vibrating dildo from Dominique's House of Pain goodie bag next to him and turned it on high. I knew it would come in handy for something. There was also a small rubber butt plug in the bag that I briefly considered as a pacifier, but decided I wasn't that desperate yet.

After three days had passed I felt restless, and thoughts of home pervaded my mind. I wanted the comforts of home more for my baby than for me. Soft snuggly blankets, baby carriers, cottony clothes, and dear God diapers. Real diapers. Not absorbent leather stuffed with cattail fluff. But most of all I wanted everyone to know we were all alive. I was ready.

"We'll set off in the morning." I told Ranger.

"It's going to be a tough journey." he replied stoically. I knew he didn't mean it as an insult, but I took it that way. By now I had proven my capability and judgment to him. Apparently not because he was questioning it now.

"I don't know if you noticed or not, but that was a statement, not a discussion point." I responded sarcastically. He didn't react, which of course irritated me more.

The fact was that something had changed since Vincent was born. Ranger had become distant. More than usual that is. I understood he was busy with preparations to leave, but said next to nothing to me. He didn't hold the baby. Not once. He had provided me with everything I had asked for and then some, but there was no reason he couldn't stop and talk to me about all these new experiences and even share them a little. I wasn't asking him to be the father figure here, but to simply be present in the moment and share in a little of the joy. Why had he been so withdrawn? Weren't we in this together?

"It will take about three days, planning for stops to feed and change the baby and have some rest." He presented the facts, emotionless.

"His name is Vincent." I snapped. He had referred to him as "the baby" the entire time. He even once referred to him as "it."

Ranger didn't reply, and got up and walked out of the cave and didn't return until dusk. I gave up waiting to continue the conversation, and just focused my energy on my son instead of wasting time trying to get in Ranger's head. Time had taught me it was like Fort Knox, and frankly I had more important things to worry about than an unavailable man. Even if I did love him.

The next morning we started out at 5am, with Ranger carrying a heavy pack and me carrying a very light one with essentials for Vincent, who was wrapped happily in a leather sling around my front. Ranger had fashioned it, and to my surprise I was actually able to breast feed him while walking slowly if I positioned him correctly and used a hand to steady his head at my breast.

We walked in silence, only communicating the bare essentials. But since I knew so much about survival techniques now that meant we didn't talk at all because I could answer my own questions. During one of our rest stops near the creek I even used a stick in the ground to help me determine what direction we were headed. I simply marked where the end of the shadow was and left the stick for 15 minutes. Then I marked the next point and that created an east-west line. Ranger watched me without comment. I wondered briefly if he was surprised I had the knowledge to figure out our bearings without his help. But at this point I was so pissed off at him that I didn't want to waste the energy I could use to make this trip go faster on him. Ranger was not renting space in my head for free.

I carried a torch slung on my back and he carried a homemade fire carrier I'd learn how to make from Raki. It would keep some burning embers smoldering as we walked and make it easy to start a new fire with minimal effort. And by the time the sun started fading I was grateful because I was exhausted. We'd covered about twelve miles. It was pretty easy terrain for the most part, but I was being super careful not to trip on rocks or roots and caring for Vincent did slow us down some. I'm sure Ranger had covered this distance in a few short hours when he had been scouting our escape route. I was frustrated that I couldn't keep up with his pace and that he was slowing down for me, despite the obvious limitations carrying an infant presented. We had been working so well as a team, but now I was feeling a sense of competition with him instead. I didn't want to need his help right now, but the fact that our survival still depended on it was painfully obvious and annoying as hell.

That evening as the fire light flickered by our homemade lean-to tent, he told me at this rate by the next day we should be able to see some small huts over the crest of the mountain we'd have to climb. I nodded, but kept silent. I sank into a restless sleep curled into Kody, but waking often to feed and change Vincent. I'd gotten used to sleeping in small stretches, but despite the fatigue of it I had an energy like electricity running through my bones that was charged with the hope of getting home. Ranger slept sitting up against a tree, armed to the teeth. I was grateful for his guard, but also that he wasn't next to me. There was a quiet resentment simmering underneath my calm exterior, and with every step towards civilization it threatened to boil over.

The next day was much like the one before, but we covered a little more ground. I could indeed see the huts, and even a herd of small animals that could be sheep or goats. But there was a mountain in between here and there and I was tiring fast. I tried to hide it from Ranger but I knew he could tell. He offered me more than my fair share of the rations that afternoon and evening, and we had broken into the MRE's finally now that civilization was so close. The freeze dried barbecue chicken at that moment was like the best thing I'd ever tasted. It cheered me up for a moment, and I made the mistake of starting a conversation.

"So when we reach the huts, what then?" I asked.

"I convince them I am a rich man and they will be well compensated if they provide shelter for you and get me to a phone that can dial international. Then we wait for Rangeman to pick you up and they'll escort you both home safely."

"You both? Don't you mean all of us?" I questioned.

He was silent.

"So why aren't you coming back with me?" I sighed. Here we go...

"I have things to take care of here." he said, answering nothing. His cryptic manner pissed me off immensely. We had been through enough together that I felt I had the right to know his plans.

"What things exactly?" I asked again, trying to sound much calmer than I felt.

"Protecting you." he said, throwing another log on the fire. The sparks flew and lit his face up in an eerie glow.

"By doing what? Taking on an entire cartel by yourself? I wasn't being targeted, I was just collateral damage! Wrong place, wrong time...nothing else." I challenged. He didn't react, which infuriated me. After a few silent minutes passed I apparently lost my mind, because my next words escaped my mouth unbidden.

"You're so full of bullshit! It's not about protecting me, it's about protecting yourself!" I accused.

"And how is that exactly?" I could hear anger under the surface of his smooth exterior, and I felt some satisfaction to get under his skin.

"The second he was born you distanced yourself again. Keep Stephanie and now her son safe by keeping her away and in the dark. What does it take for you to finally see that method is a big fat failure every time? I buy enough of my own trouble and I've always been safer with you than on my own...anyone can see that! And now you want to pull on the tiger's tail like that will make things better? You must be better at lying to yourself than you are at lying to me." I was shocked those words had come out of my mouth, but somehow there was a stronger part of me than I'd known inside that had been waiting a long time to say it.

"I never lied to you. I never lie. You always knew what the deal was between us."

"Deal huh…interesting choice of words." I commented, thinking of DeChooch and our first night together. "Your deals don't seem to work out so well for either of us in the end, in case you hadn't noticed. I can't believe you're actually dumb enough to stick to the old standby." I chided.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he was starting to sound really angry, and I liked it.

"Let me guess how this one is going to go... You'll be buttoned up business Ranger from now on, then go off the grid and disappear, somehow hoping I find someone whose name starts with a J to have a more suitable relationship with. The only thing that will go differently is that this time you might actually get dead. Is that you're plan to keep me safe? Go on a suicide mission and martyr yourself?! I tell you what...I'll play along this time. You come back with me to Jersey and I'll keep it all business from now on. Consider our friendship over. I'll even pay you for the plane ticket. What's the price?"

"There's no price on what you and I give each…" he started.

"There is a price! I pay it everyday!" I yelled. Something inside had just come loose, and all the pieces that had been coming together over the months finally made sense and came spilling out of me.

"Everyday I have to wake up knowing that you do want me Ranger, but not all of me. That maybe you do love me 'in your own way,' but not enough. That you don't consider me to be worth the investment and risk. That you don't think I'm strong enough to handle you and your life and all that comes with it. That you don't consider me to be your equal, so you won't even offer me the choice. That I'm not capable of making my own decisions about my life and what I'm willing to sacrifice. And you'd be damned if you ever gave me the opportunity to decide if you're even worth it. However, you've made it clear that you consider me worthy enough to screw. That I'm an 'opportunity' that you'll take advantage of if my bed happens to be empty. Do you have any idea how that feels? How much that hurts? That's the price!" My chest was heaving as I finished, my jaw clenched, and my hands fisted so tightly that my knuckles turned white.

But then the anger died down, and a feeling of release overcame me. Suddenly I could see it all so clearly. Why was I blaming him when he'd been clear on his intentions all along? I sank to the ground in exhaustion, resting on my knees in the damp grass with my eyes closed. I could see now how I'd been running in circles. Why was I doing this to myself?

"I never disrespected you Stephanie" he replied, his voice defiant.

"But you never really respected me either." I answered, opening my eyes and staring straight at him. My face held no anger or sadness when I said it to him. I didn't even feel the hurt anymore, just a sense of resolve. His mouth opened to say something, but then it shut again. Several minutes passed without a word.

"I respect you and care about you more than you think Stephanie."

"Actions speak louder than words Ranger. You taught me that." I replied, laying down to go to sleep. I was done.

I deserved far better than what Ranger was offering. I always had. There would be no more "opportunities" for anyone who felt differently. As my eyelids shut it occurred to me me that all the analyzing, confusion, and worry about what was going on between us had been a grand waste of time. Ranger's feelings for me had always been perfectly clear by his actions, which in the end were all that really mattered. If he really wanted me, nothing would have gotten in his way. He never would have left my bed and kept me shut out of his life.

My fear of being alone up until now had been a price greater than the one Ranger had me paying. But when I looked into my son's eyes I realized something inside me had fundamentally changed, and I just couldn't go halfway anymore and continue to play games. I wanted the real thing now. I shouldn't have to fight or beg or manipulate to squeeze it out of Ranger, or anyone else for that matter. It wasn't much of a mystery anymore why I'd spent years now waffling between the two options of Joe or Ranger. The men in my life would give me less than I deserved as long as I showed them I would accept that. The only mystery left was why I couldn't love James back when he offered all that I was supposedly asking for.

The next morning the silence was deafening as we prepared for the last leg of our journey, and the inevitable parting of ways that it would lead to. I had been breastfeeding Vincent and lost in thought, and noticed that I'd reached a clearing at the top of the hill as the sun rose in the morning sky. I took a moment to look around, and the view took my breath away. The sky was turning gold and orange as it met the horizon, and the tree tops swayed in the breeze like they were dancing just for me. I could see for miles in every direction. Suddenly I felt so complete, and was overwhelmed with the feeling that somehow, everything was going to be okay. I guess this was what some people called a revelation.

I stood there for a long time watching the sun rise, and felt a presence behind me. I knew it was Ranger, but this time there was no tingle in my spine or flip of my stomach, and I didn't move at all.

"What are you doing?" he asked me. I had been standing there staring into the distance for some time while he watched me.

"Expanding my horizons." I answered cryptically, not moving. "We'd better stop to sterilize some extra water. It looks like it's going to be a hot day." I stated.

He waited a minute before answering me. "Agreed. There is a clearing about twenty yards away with a rock overhang that should make a good fire pit and provide some cover."

We walked in silence to the site, but as soon as I saw it I knew it wasn't a good idea.

"Ranger…we'll need a large fire. That small rock slide off to the side looks fresh, since the surrounding vegetation is still knocked down and hasn't started growing in again around the edges. I don't think the rock is stable, and it might crack from the heat of the fire and it could crush us." I said very matter of factly.

Ranger's eyes started to open his mouth and shut it again, then just silently nodded his head and started to walk forward again. It's not like the man said a whole lot anyway, but I got the feeling that I had just left him speechless.

We found a more appropriate spot, and took about an hour to boil some water. I was grateful for the rest because I was losing strength, and the most difficult part of our journey was just ahead. But my resolve was steeled by the fact that if I could hold out my son and I would have a thatched roof over our heads and with any luck, a cavalry coming to rescue us and take us home.

It took two hours of difficult terrain to reach the base of the mountain, and I grew more concerned with each step about losing my footing and falling while holding Vincent. He seemed to sense my tension and had been fussy all morning. But when we approached the base of a looming rock cliff I stifled a gasp. It was steep. It was high. And I had to climb it. Raki had taught me some rock climbing basics, but I'd never had much practice. This was something for a skilled climber, and we had to get my baby and my dog up it as well. I felt like throwing up.

Ranger took two strong strides and was standing right in front of me. He placed his hand soothingly on my cheek and locked his dark eyes onto mine. "I know you don't like me much right now, but you have to trust me. I'll get us all to the top safe."

I swallowed thickly and nodded. Ranger quickly proceeded to unpack the climbing gear and bind together all the rest of our equipment. He laid out the bullet proof vest that he had modified with straps as a harness to get Kodiak up the side of the mountain.

"Here's the plan." he proceeded to explain. "I climb up and lower the rope. You attach the gear and I haul it up. Then I'm climbing down and bringing Vincent back up, using the rope that time for extra safety. I'll secure him safely up top, then guide you up. I don't have enough rope to belay you, so you'll have to belay yourself. Kody is 200lbs and I can't haul him up by myself without special equipment we don't have, and he can't secure himself into the harness so I'll make one last climb down to secure him into it. Then when we are both at the top we'll haul him up. The only other choice is to leave him behind, but I won't bother asking." He stated. I nodded. It made sense, and no way was I leaving Kodiak behind. We both owed our lives to him.

I watch Ranger scramble up the mountainside with consummate skill. He made it look easy, but I knew better. He hauled up all our equipment, which was quite heavy, and lowered the rope back down. It had been about a half hour by that point. He rappelled down in true Army fashion in a mattter of minutes. I trembled handing over my son, but I knew it was the safest way. And the look of confidence and assurance he gave me eased my mind. I dug my nails into my hands and held my breath a number of times, but true to his word Ranger got Vincent to the top effortlessly and secured him in the carrier slung over a tree branch so that it would swing free of the ground and keep him safe until we were both at the top.

This was it. Ranger briefly reviewed climbing 101, and I started up the cliff with him coaching me from the top. He reminded me to use my legs, and not try to power up with my arms or I would be quickly exhausted. He pointed out key holds along the climbing route, which somehow he had committed to memory and was able to describe to me clearly. I struggled at times to stay focused, but the rope calmed me somewhat as long as I belayed out the slack so that if I fell it would only drop me a few feet before catching me. It wasn't a proper climbing rope, so sudden tension could put a lot of strain on it...but it looked strong enough to hold me and then Kodiak.

"Look to your right and up at the far end of your arm span, and just past that root is a crack in the rock. I want you to make a fist and slide it into the widest part. Hold your fist tight, then slide it down until it is in the narrow portion of the crack at the bottom, and it feels tight when you pull on it. It will feel strange, but as long as you keep your weight pulling downwards on it like a piston, it should be as secure as a traditional grip. Any questions?" he offered.

"No, that makes sense." I told him, reaching my arm into the leather bag at my hip and getting an extra coat of a homemade dusty powder on my hand before reaching. It was necessary to keep my sweaty hands dry to avoid slipping, and seemed to work almost as well as traditional talcum powder typically used for that purpose. It had already taken me twice as long as Ranger, and I was only halfway to the top.

Twenty minutes later I was approaching the top and was exhausted from the constant effort and focus, which Ranger picked up on and insisted I lean back on the rope and rest. After a 10 minute rest period, I resumed climbing with renewed energy trying not to let my impatience to reach the top get the better of me. Especially since there had been a slight incline up until now, but at this point we were most certainly at a 90 degree angle to the ground.

"Just a little further...don't rush just because you are almost here...this is where most accidents happen. Be careful Stephanie. This next grip is a bit wide for your reach, so you'll have to push off with your left foot to grab it. Do you see it?" he asked.

"I do...I've got it." I answered back, pushing off my foot after taking up some slack in the rope. I wasn't sure what happened after that, but at the key moment as I got a good grip with my right hand I felt the tightness of the harness around my hips disappear.

"Ranger! What's happening?! I don't feel it holding me anymore!" I screamed. When I heard the sound of my voice I sounded even more terrified than I thought I was.

"Stay calm and just breathe. You have a good grip. You don't need the rope anymore." he told me calmly.

"What do you mean I don't need the rope? I love the rope! The rope is my best friend!" I yelled out.

"There must have been a hidden weak spot in your waist harness, and the left side came loose. You'll be fine...you've been the one keeping yourself on this mountainside, not the rope, so just keep doing what you've been doing and you'll be up here with me in a few minutes." he assured me, his eyes locked onto mine and his voice soothing. I heard my son cry briefly, and frankly I felt like joining him.

"Okay...okay...tell me what to do." I said, fighting off the panic. My palms were starting to sweat but I didn't dare release a grip to get more powder without the security of a rope to hold me should the the other give.

"You've got nothing but strong and easy holds left. Rise up on your right leg and move your left hand towards the closest grip near that crag you've been following. Do you see it?" he asked.

"I do...I don't think I can do this." I gulped, making the huge mistake of looking down. My heart started racing even more than it already was.

"You can. You have to. Focus. Block everything else out." he commanded me.

I thought back to a lesson Raki had given me once about staying focused in battle. "This may sound counter intuitive, but the fact is the last thing you should think about when getting shot at is getting shot." he had told me.

"You've got to be kidding!" I'd responded at the time.

"It's true... If you don't want to get shot you have to stay focused on first principles, so allowing your life to flash before your eyes is only going to help the enemy in achieving their goal of getting you dead. Aim and steady trigger control is all that matters. Your breathing in combat is shot to hell so don't listen to that crap from competition shooters about controlling your breathing. There has to be nothing else in the world other than those sights on your gun and a smooth finger on the trigger with no recoil anticipation." Raki said.

He was right. I had to think about nothing but climbing to get to the top, because anything else was a distraction. Easier said than done. It felt like an eternity but it was probably only five minutes. Ranger coached me through two more holds and now I was within a two feet of the top.

"Ranger! My hand is slipping!" I cried out, feeling the grip loosening on my weak hand. I'd been too scared to use the powder and now I was suffering the consequences.

"Babe...reach for me." he commanded, locking his dark eyes onto my terrified gaze. He was close enough that if I pushed up with my strong leg I could grab onto his huge arm that was reaching towards me.

"Oh God Oh God!" I sobbed, picturing myself hurtling to my death.

"Trust me. I've got you." he told me, his voice full of confidence and his face full of intensity.

"Please..." I begged the universe, feeling my right hand slipping now too. The rock face was cold and I felt it suddenly seeping into me.

"Babe!" he yelled at me. I snapped out of it and looked at him. His face was full of emotion. Love. Fear. Faith in me. I pushed up fast with my leg and grabbed onto his forearm, and felt his hand close around my wrist right as the other leg slipped out from under me and my right hand lost its grip.

"Ric!" I screamed, dangling off the side of the cliff with nothing but him keeping me from falling through the air.

He reached out the other hand, so I grabbed it and our grips locked. Time slowed down, and I watched the veins rise on his arm as his muscles bulged from the effort of him pulling me upwards. It took superhuman strength, and every muscle was drawn tight into corded sections, but somehow he dead lifted my entire body to the top. It was only moments before he had me up on the ledge, grabbing my leg and rolling me onto the summit so that I was laying bodily on top of him.

I sobbed into his shoulder as he ran a hand soothingly up my back while the other held me so tightly it almost hurt.

"I won't ever let anything happen to you." he whispered a promise into my ear.

Deep down I knew he was vowing to control the forces of the universe more than was humanly possible. But I believed him anyway.


	72. Drawn to the Fire

_To my wonderful readers I thank you for your patience, though I'm sure many of you still wonder if this story will get its HEA now that I'm back home with the twins. I'm back to work on night shift and it is so slow I have plenty of time to write, but it is slow going because I'm so exhausted. For those of you that don't follow my blog www dot 10 miles uphill in the snow dog blogspot dot com, my daughter got a cold that rapidly developed to life threatening pneumonia on the first plane ride home from overseas. The morning after our return I gave her CPR, and we are incredibly fortunate that she survived. She has been about a month in the hospital recovering so splitting my time between the hospital and work and home with a colicky infant son that eats every 3 hours has almost done me in. But as the holiday approaches and her hospital discharge looms I realize now this incredible journey is finally ending and I'm getting my HEA. So it is high time for Stephanie to finally get hers after these six years of writing this story so I'll try to get on with it with one last chapter to come, with this short one to tide you over. Damn skippy! I thank everyone so much for your kind words of support as well as your wonderful reviews over the years. It has meant more to me than you'll ever know. The story has grown with me, and has helped me get through some of my own darkness. I hope that it does the same for someone else. _

_ ~Carpe Fic'n Diem (AKA: Tahara)_

Chapter 72

"Holy crap this dog is heavy! Feels more like Tank is on the end of the line!" I groaned, digging my feet into the dirt and pulling forward.

Ranger didn't reply because he was putting in substantial effort himself. I could hear Kody barking and yelping, because he was clearly scared. After a few more minutes he was at the top and we tied off the rope and each grabbed one end of his torso and hauled him up and over to the summit with us. I hastily untied the harness and he was all over me licking, squirming, and thrilled to be reunited.

"It's okay boy...settle down. I love you too." I soothed him until he stopped trembling. After we all took a long deserved rest, we started off towards the huts. I wasn't sure if Kody or I was more shaken from our experience, but gnawing on some re-hydrated deer jerky seemed to help us both. It was a 2 hour trek across more even terrain and the closer we got the more excited I became. A very small bearded man herding some species of mountain goat greeted us with an almost completely toothless smile, and a long conversation ensued with Ranger in Portuguese. I tried hard not to cry in relief, but in the end I just had to turn and face the other direction to hide my eyes. He agreed to shelter myself and my little Vince while his wife helped us rest and recover from our trek. Meanwhile his cousin would guide Ranger into the nearby village where a phone call would be possible.

In the end it took two days for Ranger to return, but I enjoyed the time immensely while he was gone. I stuffed my face with fresh goat cheese with herbs along with some very yummy flat bread the herder's wife made for me in heaping piles. She and I became fast friends despite the language barrier, and she helped me care for Vincent so that I could rest some more. She knitted some outfits out of sheep's wool with whittled sticks, which kept my son warm and made him look even cuter than I thought humanly possible. She insisted that I sleep on the cot while she slept on the floor. The cot in the hut was little more than a wood frame layered with thin leather pad filled with straw and wool, but as far as I was concerned it was a luxury mattress in a five star hotel. They were very generous and kind to me, and I felt a sense of peace those two days as I waited to return to my life.

When Ranger finally returned he arrived along with some medical supplies and a physician who was able to give myself and my son a full exam and declare us both healthy. He let us know just how lucky we were that everything had gone without incident on the delivery, and I was grateful that I was ignorant of all the possible complications until now. It had been arranged that early the following day a military jeep would arrive that could handle the rough terrain back to an airplane hanger, where Rangemen would greet us. I could barely contain my excitement at the thought. I spent the rest of the day fantasizing about seeing my family and friends again. And about eating Italian food. It was about fifty-fifty.

That night I fell into a restless sleep. Around 4am I put Vincent down for what I knew would be a several hour snooze. I couldn't sleep after that, and in spite of myself my thoughts kept drifting to Ranger. He had insisted on sleeping outside, keeping watch in the night.

I pushed aside the heavy drape that covered the doorway and stepped out into the darkness. Ranger was sitting shirtless on a pallet beside a crackling fire. Half of him was in shadow while the other was illuminated in the flickering glow of the flames. His face looked haunted in the firelight. I had the sudden feeling that this image of him might be my last, and it was like my insides were being ripped out. I sucked in a breath and Ranger turned to face me.

"Babe….are you alright?" he asked, turning to me.

I didn't answer, but just walked slowly over and sat down beside him.

"This is the way it has to be." he spoke gently.

"I'll never understand why." I answered.

"I'm a mystery you can never solve Babe. It's why you like me so much." he commented.

"That's not true." I told him.

"Isn't it? There are no circumstances under which I can ever disclose to you my past or many parts of my life in the present, and that will only continue into my future. There can be no compromises on that for the safety of myself and others. That and because I have no desire to revisit the pain of many things that came to pass for other's curiosity, when they cannot begin to fathom what it all means. None. Ever. Never." he declared emphatically, staring deep into my eyes. I felt a chill go through me.

"You can imagine the worst or the best about me but there will never be answers to those questions. That will never change. Deep down you know that, and it keeps you interested." he finished, turning away and staring into the fire.

I thought about that for a long time.

"Maybe in the past. But not now." I told him.

He turned back to look at me, his eyes curious.

"I happen to think we have an awful lot in common." He raised an eyebrow at that.

"I'm not talking eating habits or how you dress. You clearly don't have my good taste." I teased. The edge of his mouth tilted ever so slightly for just a split second in a 'blink and you'll miss it' Ranger grin.

"Let me have a guess or two about your mysterious past. And I know of course you won't reply..." I started, taking a deep breath. "You killed people that didn't deserve to die? So have I. That you know what it feels like to hate…not in the sense everyone else knows it, but to truly _hate_. You know that it is among the worst feelings in the world and eats at you…keeps you up at night? So do I. You've experienced a loss so great that that you live your life like with that knife sticking out of you, but you walk around and no one even knows it's there…or how deep it burns inside you every minute of the day? So do I. You wake up every morning wondering how life would be different if you had made other choices? So do I."

I paused for a moment, gathering my thoughts. Ranger looked into the fire and didn't move a muscle. I felt like I could see right into his soul in the firelight, and I finally understood.

"I know what it's like to walk around with a separate understanding of the world around you, seeing its full dimension. You've seen the worst the world has to offer and the evil within it over and over…so you're acutely aware of the suffering around you and all over the world and what needs to be done to stop it. But meanwhile everyone else seems to walk around in blissful ignorance, and you are alone. But you don't have to be."

With that he turned to look at me. I made my last words to him count.

"Ranger…I know what it's like to have the lights go off in your life, and when they finally start to come back you know that they won't ever shine quite that bright again. You've eaten from the tree of knowledge…and you wish every minute of your life you could give the evil you now know back, but you can't. And I've only taken a bite, and maybe you've eaten the whole fucking fruit. Maybe I can walk away from it and you never can. But that's not the difference between you and me. That's not what's keeping you from me."

"What is it then Stephanie?" he asked me, his voice so quiet I barely heard it.

I looked into the distance at the dawn breaking on the horizon.

"The difference is that I don't hate myself for it. I'm not afraid to let myself be happy."

And with that I left him there. Alone.


End file.
